@Holy Soldier After reviewing your CS we have several comments we want to address:
One of our recurring comments kept coming back to the lack of struggle the character seems to face. You mention throughout the CS several times how Victor doesn't want to be violent but at every turn, he seems to just give in to his 'nature' and comes out on top treated as a good guy. Neither Junk, Hillan or I find ourselves convinced that Victor is facing any real struggle to not give in to his more violent side. In fact, it seems every time he does so, he's rewarded, he was promoted from Hitler's Youth into the SS, he convinced the Americans that he was on their side and his body is actually benefited from it. It would be nice if there was more of a struggle between the two sides.
One thing that felt particularly missing to me in the backstory was how Victor learned to speak English and hide his German accent. I struggle with his decision to change sides during the war as I felt not having him impartially slaughter both sides was a bit of a missed opportunity. But to Victor's subsequent switch to the American side and integration into American society at the very least strikes me as too easy. Should he not have faced some sort of prejudice or discrimination in America? I haven't looked into it to be sure, but I can't help but feel that Germans would not have an easy time in a post-World War II America.
Outside of the lack of a perceived struggle with his abilities, we find that the power as it's currently presented has very few limits or weaknesses that aren't based on the characterization of Victor. Furthermore, his ability isn't as formally explained as we would like. There’s no hint to the upper limit of Victor's abilities, nor is his regeneration is also not fully explained as we have no idea how fast he can regrow a limb or heal from an injury.
The last thing we want to touch on is the fact that as a general rule, surgery isn't considered violent. It's a methodical operation that requires a lot of training and focus. It's not like surgeons just stab their victims and cut them open for fun. Is the act of bloodletting you're saying triggers his abilities or is Victor actively butchering his patients on the operating table?
//Notes: • Other | No tattoos, two studs in each ear, pierced navel
//Paraphernalia: • Item 1 | Plain silver zippo, pack of cigarettes, various seamless masks
Appearance Details ▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔
Nikita has long hair with thin, blunt bangs. Her hair is left uncolored and any experimentation with her appearance is typically done through makeup. Her foundation shade would describe her skin tone as "Sand" or "Honey" most often. She has wider hips and more muscular thighs with a smaller waist and thinner, weaker arms. Committed to neither health nor fitness, her figure is maintained through partying and eating various foods inconsistently. During weekdays, Nikita will typically be seen in either her scrubs, athleisure, or jeans and a casual top. On weekends, she'll typically be wearing lounge clothes or club/rave wear. Her closet is not incredibly varied and doesn't belong to a specific style. She typically wears sneakers in various styles.
Personality ▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔
Typically calm and even friendly, Nikita is known for spitting her words with an acidic tongue when upset. Nikita hides in the open. She converses with most and has many acquaintances who are pleased to see her when she is present. She doesn't have a lot of people she is incredibly close with, or who frequently visit or make plans with her outside of their schedule. This is comfortable for her and has even helped her maintain a secure sense of privacy. No one tries to get closer than they already are and Nikita guards her secrets that much easier because of it.
Nikita is empathetic and can often see from both points of view. She doesn't always believe in lawful "right" and "wrong" and feels that morals and empathy should be a bigger guiding force in society. Nikita is always interested in observing how people think, process and feel.
Character Synopsis ▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔
Nikita was always much closer to Ezekiel, "Eze" affectionately than she was to their older brother, Lupe. It was when Ezekiel was trying to teach her to snap that she first caused a small flame. Startled, she'd frantically shook her hand until the flame disappeared. The two inspected her hand to find a surprising lack of burns or even irritation. It was a secret kept between the two for years. Iris, their mother, was constantly working and their father had left before Nikita was born. Lupe, the oldest, was kept busy between high school, sports and working part-time. The youngest two were left to take care of each other.
As Lupe earned his diploma, Ezekiel started attending school less and was coming home later. Iris waited up late to spend hours arguing with him, Nikita spoke less and observed more. During one of their arguments, Ezekiel slammed more money than Nikita had ever seen her mother bring home onto the table. Her mother's voice had cracked and all the yelling subsided into defeated sobs. Ezekiel brushed past Iris while shaking his head in his hoodie.
After Lupe learned the news, he stood from breakfast one morning to announce that he'd be starting at the local police academy in the next few weeks. Ezekiel laughed to himself before looking to Lupe and accusing him of turning his back on the family for his own benefit. Lupe left from the kitchen. Nikita demanded to know what was going on and Iris and Ezekiel finished their meal in silence.
In the following months, the divide in their family grew more apparent. Lupe was no longer home and Nikita realized where Ezekiel was spending his long nights out and with who. Despite Nikita's pleas, their mother did nothing. During the holidays, Lupe had come to visit. Ezekiel didn't make it in until the early morning. He hadn't attended school at all since it had started in the months prior. Nikita was at her boiling point. Ezekiel met her eyes, hoodie pulled up over his head and Nikita unleashed on the entire family. She screamed at Ezekiel for ruining his life and trading his family for streets. She hounded Lupe for leaving the family in shreds. Mostly, she tore into her mother for turning a blind eye as long as Ezekiel was bringing some extra money in. Her entire body trembled. She hadn't realized but in the commotion, she'd hit her hands together, rubbed her temples, flung her fist into her palm. Her top half was ablaze in their living room now, brighter than a Christmas tree.
Ezekiel hung his head and Lupe stared at her, unable to process what he was seeing. Her mother was horrified, she crawled back against the couch. "Un demonio," she choked.
Nikita's breath caught. "No, madre. No soy-"
Iris cut her off before she could finish. "Sí. Estas malito," she whimpered. She confessed to Nikita that she was born of sin. That Iris had an affair with a white man while married to her husband and it was he who impregnated her with Nikita. When the boys' father found out, he left. Now, she had brought evil into their family and her daughter was the vessel that carried it.
Nikita's flames diminished. She felt as though she couldn't breathe. She knew better than to believe that these abilities were atonement for a sin she hadn't committed, but this confession had shaken her. Iris commanded that they repent. She drug her to church in the night and Iris prayed for hours in an empty cathedral, Nikita and her brothers only present physically.
For the next few years, Lupe worked in the police force and attended school. The department reimbursed most of his tuition and when he finished college, Nikita was finishing up high school. She worked as receptionist for a vet clinic in the white area of town part time and wasn't allowed to leave the house other than for school or work. She was able to obtain her certification through the vet clinic and it was nearly a year after Lupe had finished his degree when he was at the house with Nikita smoking a cigarette outside.
She allowed him to light her cigarette, as she had lost her lighter and never even caused sparks her mother was home. He shook his head in disappointment but finally stated, "I'm moving."
"What?"
"They want me to become a homicide detective. I've got an offer here and I've got an offer in Esteredge," he explained, watching the ash fall from his cigarette.
"Then why aren't you staying here?" Nikita demanded. She took a drag off her cigarette to try to calm her nerves.
"I'm surprised I've yet to cross paths with Eze in the streets. I think this is a good opportunity to eliminate that possibility. I think I could use a change in scenery."
Nikita shifted her lower jaw from side to side, doing all she could to keep from gritting her teeth. She stopped smoking and stared at the cigarette as if she were searching for what to say. She came up blank and took another long drag instead and stared out at their yard.
"I've told Eze already. I know that you and mom are at ends here. We discussed it, and we think it would better to move you to a more populated area. Somewhere you could be safe and maybe make a life for yourself," he added. Finally, he took a second drag off his cigarette.
She swiveled her head to look at him. "You want me to come all the way to Esteredge? So I can be in a little city and hide out?" she scoffed. Annoyed, she puffed at her cigarette a bit faster.
"Not Espermont. Santa Celia," Lupe finally admitted.
Nikita dropped the cigarette. She looked down and watched it burn red in the green grass before twisting her shoe on top of it. She knew at this point that this was no longer suggestion. She couldn't remember the last time Ezekiel had brought money home. She now realized that he and Lupe had decided that Winters was no longer to be her home and she wasn't going to have any choice in the matter. She also knew she couldn't make it another year suffocated by her mother while she figured it out.
In the following days, she and her few belongings were packed into Lupe's SUV and transported to Santa Celia. The apartment was pre-furnished and the nicest complex in the area, far nicer than anywhere she'd expected to live but not nice enough to be considered affluent. She was able to quickly find work as a technician in a local veterinary office/hospital. Lupe came to visit her fairly frequently and she almost never heard from Iris. Ezekiel checked in here and there, always made sure to ask if she had the money she needed. Lupe advised her to come across as normal as possible.
Since moving to the city four years ago, Nikita has made little progress in her personal life. She pays her bills, stays in the same apartment. She's purchased a car. She goes out frequently and she's friendly to everyone but has maintained her secret.
Abilities & Skills ▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔
//Abiliites:
Superhuman Ability | Pyrokinesis: Nikita can manipulate flames and fires around her and use them to incinerate objects or beings. She can grow or extinguish them. Additionally, she can create fires to manipulate and use to defeat enemies. She can easily ignite objects with a touch. She is also fire resistant.
Limitation(s) | To start a fire, Nikita will need to create friction against her skin with nothing else but her skin. Unlike a match, she cannot use rough surfaces or other skin. If pinned, immobilized or weak, Nikita will not be able to create a fire. In the instance that Nikita is under heavy influence of alcohol or drugs she will not be able to maintain control over the flames and they will grow or die as they would without her interference. Any fires will also be limited by oxygen availability and environmental conditions. Fire does not burn hot enough to melt steel, it caps at around 525 Celsius which can cause severe damage but is not hot enough to melt metals.
While Nikita is fire resistant, she is not fire proof. If a flame is hotter than Nikita’s highest attainable temperature she will receive significant second and third degree burns. Nikita’s endurance varies depending on frequency and intensity. If Nikita is to use large, intense flames, in a consistent manner she won’t last much more than an hour. Flames the size of her palm and smaller she can generate as needed. Manipulating flames requires less energy than generating and maintaining them, but generating flames is Nikita’s typical method.
Weakness(es) | Pyrokinesis is Nikita's only ability. She sustains wounds and heals as any human would. She does not posses any increased strength. Any combat abilities are limited to that of the average person in a street fight as she lacks any kind of training. She has never needed a weapon so she has no experience with them. She is also hesitant to handle them.
//Skills:
Friendly | Nikita has the capability to put most people at ease and even make them feel like she sees them as a friend. It's a skill she has developed since moving to Santa Celia by frequently being in public settings without a known colleague in sight. She usually can promote a sense of trust in those she meets.
Bilingual | Nikita was taught both English and Spanish, but living in a predominantly white area meant that Spanish was mostly used in the company of family and a few friends. Her geographic location probably kept her from English being her second language instead of her primary language but it does still enable her to code switch when convenient.
Supporting Cast ▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔
Cyan - closest thing to a best friend that Nikita has, Cyan always seems to be wherever Nikita ends up. Sharing a similar circle of friends and taste, without prior planning they tend to frequently end up in the same areas.
Ezekiel - "Eze" for short, middle child and prominent and loved member of Nuestro in their hometown, Winters.
Lupe - "Poncho" by his family and friends, the oldest child and a homicide detective in a smaller, neighboring city approximately a forty to sixty minute drive from Santa Celia.
@Skittlez as previously discussed, Nikita is accepted and you may move her to the character tab and begin posting in the IC at your earliest convenience.
@Skittlez as previously discussed, Nikita is accepted and you may move her to the character tab and begin posting in the IC at your earliest convenience.
I’m sorry, I completely missed that there was a character tab separate from OOC. Will do!
@JunkMail@Lord Wraith I took your guys' advice into consideration from both here and the Discord chat, and decided to take a more light-hearted approach. I'll add any edits/updates below accordingly. I may have missed a few things, as I was using the old template from the first generation sheet, so feel free to let me know if you see anything out of the ordinary, or otherwise out of place. Thank you!
_______________________________________________ Andrea Liana Knight _______________________________________________ July 20th, 1989 | 29 | African American _______________________________________________ Single | ♀ | Bisexual _______________________________________________ High School GED | Farmhand/Mechanic/Driver/Hunter _______________________________________________ Physical Profile ___________________________________
//Basics: • Height | 5'-8"
• Weight | 180 lbs.
• Build | Defined, toned
• Hair Colour | Black
• Eye Colour | Dark Brown
Equipment ___________________________________
//Weapons: • Browning T-Bolt Rifle | One of Andrea's first rifles, she considers this one her favorite, due to how quiet it shoots, and how accurate it can be. Effective to about 100 yards, Andrea had often used this to hunt small game and take care of pests. Once she devised her special non-lethal .22LR round, she used this rifle to take down anything, ranging from sparrows to large elks. While she uses these for hunting and pest control, she has found good use out of it as a sniper rifle, and continues to do so. It's always suppressed, and thanks to the nature of the ammo, the gun is as quiet as a mouse. While it normally fires her special .22LR chem rounds, she can use standard ammunition for target practice, and other enhanced ammo. Legally owned. • Walther P-22 Handgun | A gun bought mainly for enthusiast target shooting, Andrea repurposed this weapon into a non-lethal self-defense firearm and even an offensive stealth weapon. Capable of firing her special .22LR tranquilizer ammunition, Andrea carries this gun with her at all times, and often uses it for her crime-fighting sprees as the Valley Girl. When on the offensive, she fits this weapon with a suppressor, which can turn a loud BANG! into a quiet pop!. While not as effective as its 9mm counterpart, it gets the job done. It always comes mounted with a green laser sight, which can be toggled to be only visible by her augmented reality glasses and ACI, or visible to everyone. The weapon itself, while it's normally carrying up to 10 rounds of her special .22LR chem rounds, can also fire standard rounds for target practice. Legally owned. • Stun Rod | A non-lethal personal defense alternative, this collasible baton doubles as a blunt weapon and as a functioning taser, allowing two modes of attack. When retracted, this weapon can be hidden within a small pocket, and can easily substitute for her handgun in a bad situation. Comes with an LED flashlight mounted on top. • Sleeping Gas Grenades | These gas grenades are made with a special gas that can slowly bring people to sleep by at least breathing a bit of it. The sleeping gas it releases is barely visible, though certain lights can reveal the gas and where it goes. It has a much slower effect on targets than tranquilizer rounds do, but it can put everyone in a room to sleep in about ten seconds, if the target takes two full breaths of the gas.
//Misc: • Advanced Combat Intelligence Omega Mk. 4 "Patches" | A heads-up system devised by HAT and sold by 'Sentinel Tech', Andrea discovered this tech on a criminal after subduing him, reprogramming it to her liking after the original owner couldn't be located. This ACI, while manufactured by HAT, is reprogrammed to suit Andrea's needs as a seperate model called "Omega." While it remains backed up to a central computer, a mobile node is carried along with the user that can connect to smartphones, rangefinders, cameras and bluetooth headsets in order to assist the user. As such, Andrea always carries a node connected to her augmented reality glasses so Patches can help her out when the situation is required. The program speaks to Andrea directly, giving her important updates and speaking with her on a personal level. The headset that Andrea wears comes with the ACI. More details under "Supporting Characters." • Augmented Reality Glasses | With the help of Patches, the ACI utilizes these glasses to display information privately through the glasses that Andrea often wears. Such information can range from just about anything, and can be used as a Combat HUD or a computing medium. It can play audio through subtle vibrations only the wearer can hear through contact with the temples. • Light Tactical Ballisic Vest | When she dons the "Valley Girl" persona, Andrea would wear soft ballistic armor that would protect her vitals. Not effective against rifles, but it can protect her from shotgun blasts, pistol rounds and blades. Said tactical vest, while protective, also has pouches that contain zip-ties, smoke grenades, sleeping gas grenades and spare ammo. She only ever wears this when on the job, along with her 'Valley Girl' outfit. • Voice Modulating Ballistic Gas Mask | In order to eliminate the connection between her real identity and the "Valley Girl" persona she lives through, she uses a voice modulator that goes into the gas mask she wears. This makes her voice slightly deeper and a bit more robotic, but her personality that she adds to it makes it human, and... different. The gas mask itself is functioning and allows her to breath in most environments that have air in it, but the 'glass' she sees through is custom ballistic glass that could protect her face from shotgun blasts, handgun rounds and blades. • Microdrones | While Patches can operate through Andrea's glasses and her phone/nodes alone, in order to maximise its effectiveness, it must control palm-sized HD camera drones in order to keep an eye on Andrea and whatever she wishes to scout. Such drones are replacable, and can be a little expressive too. Often seen flying around Andrea.
• 1991 Mitsubishi 3000GT VR4 | This retro 90's technological marvel was purchased back when Andrea lived in Ann Arbor, buying it for a solid 2 grand. It was in a state of disrepair when she first got it, but she managed to fix it and restore it to its former glory with the help of her friends. A very powerful car that can reach up to 170 miles per hour in top speed, its active aero system and all wheel drive allow it unparalled cornering speed and performance. With its somewhat modern interior, Andrea made a few upgrades in to allow Patches access to the onboard audio and computer systems. She often uses it as her car for pleasure and light-duty work. Night shot. • 1989 Ford Bronco | Andrea bought this shortly after she moved into Arido Valley, knowing that the 3000GT isn't exactly a car built for off-road heavy duty purposes. Bought it for about $600 cash from Jose, who replaced it with a different truck, Andrea got good use out of this. Often using it for her hunting and fishing trips, she hauls in what she caught through the sheltered bed in the back, keeping her rifle mounted up on the back window. She uses this truck for other things too, mainly hauling around heavier objects and grocery shopping. It always has a toolkit in the back, for whenever Andrea needs a tool to help fix something. • 1990 Toyota Camry | Built like a tank, Andrea purchased this car off the hands of an Arido Valley resident who was moving out for the low cost of $300, and used her expertise and resources to bring the non-working car back into working order. While the vehicle itself was under her name, whenever she does her vigilante work, she often switches the license plates out for ones that belonged to a long-dead man. The car itself was maintained to take lots of abuse, driven off road and through water, with the engine upgraded to make it a pursuit vehicle as well.
Appearance Details ▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔
Andrea can best be described as an African American woman with dark mohagany skin, but with some of the facial inflections of an Asian. She has some defined muscles that make her look a little tougher than most women her size, being at 5'8". However, the only muscles on display are often her arms as she wears basic T-shirts (ranging anything from nerd culture stuff to just plain colors) and a pair of jeans, as well as some small and stylish augmented reality glasses that transition into shades (said glasses has a hidden mounted camera on it). She normally has her hair in braided pigtails, but she can change her black hair to whatever suits the occasion. She wears generic Adidas windbreakers in cool weather, using said windbreakers to help conceal her weapons.
When using her Valley Girl persona, she often wears a full facial gas mask on top of her glasses (complete with voice modulator), along with some face paint, kneepads and a light ballistic vest in order to help her blend in with the night, and prevent her from being identified by eyewitnesses and CCTV. Her 'work wear' may vary from job to job, but almost always she dons on her soft body armor to allow faster movement, and to protect her from basic street-level attacks. Often times, below the armor and gear, she often just wears a tank top or T-shirt and a pair of jeans.
Personality ▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔
Andrea is a very casual and kind person, often willing to go out of her way to help others if she has nothing better to do. She tries to go about life in a somewhat positive manner, often making stupid jokes and references in order to lighten up the mood. She is otherwise pretty awkward, having not really learned how to socialize too well as a child, translating into her somewhat poor social life as an adult. Around people she's attracted to, she often doesn't keep eye contact and tries to hide her obvious attraction by looking away and changing the subject a bit. Despite her casual nature, however, she is somewhat disciplined, and abstains from alcohol, hard drugs or tobacco. When things do get rough, however, if she fails to keep a smile, she may resort to these vices. Towards people she doesn't like, she can somewhat cold, and a bit removed. She doesn't react to fear particularly well, though, as she masks it with anger and vulgarity. With that in mind, she absolutely loves cute animals and has a huge soft spot for children. 80s music and movies are up there with her likes, along with cars, guns and fishing. However, she has no room in her heart for sadists, politicians, unearned wealthy and injustice. When putting on her 'Valley Girl' persona, she feels a bit more free to express her true feelings, and thus seems either more happy or more mad as a result, often saying things she normally wouldn't in front of others.
(( Will likely develop personality more through play ))
Character Synopsis ▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔
Andrea's parents preferred to have a son, but they had a daughter instead. Born and raised in the slums of Detroit, Andrea was raised with a bit of masculinity in mind, fitting in the role that her father wanted. While Andrea wasn't aware of the ability she was born with, she did notice that she was able to take a whole lot of abuse growing up, and was able to recover from it very quickly. At least physically, many won't say that she had all of her screws on tight growing up. When she attended grade school, she tried to get along with other kids and make friends, and while she was mostly successful, bonding with several other students and learning how to socialize somewhat properly (knowing what's right and wrong through them), she did have lots of repressed emotions from her home life. She released them when she fought against asshole kids, often getting in trouble for leaving some nasty marks from a single punch. None of the staff tolerated her vigilantism, Andrea having noticed that while she was often punished for defending her friends and even other kids, they weren't even punished for bullying the victims in the first place. As such, Andrea had no respect for authorities, whether they be her abusive parents or lazy administrative personnel. By the time Andrea had gotten into high school, stories of her time in middle school made confrontation minimal, as all it took was just a few words to get everyone else to back off from her. Even in high school, however, her parents' constant belittling and physical abuse got to her, even after they had a son that they wanted. With her friends helping it stick it out for those torturous four years, Andrea graduated from High School with a GED, and she promptly moved away as an adult, never to return to Detroit again. While Andrea prefers not to talk about her childhood, the only thing she'd reveal are the parts she enjoyed about it, whether it would be cataloging cars, watching movies or playing video games. Her love for cars, movies and guns was brought into her adult life, when she moved to Ann Arbor.
Andrea tried to start off as a mechanic, working on cars, as that often kept her calm. When she moved to Ann Arbor, however, people were relatively hostile to a young woman trying to make her way on her own, but those who often touched her would find their arms nearly broken, most people backing off from confrontation with her. Andrea got along with other folks, though, and after finding someone who could train her, she worked at a run-down auto repair shop run by a nice hispanic man named Mr. Soltero. As Andrea lived on her own, now working a steady job with mediocre wages, she was able to afford to get into the shooting hobby, buying guns and taking them to the range every chance she got. She saved up enough money to trade her jalopy in for a busted Mitsubishi 3000GT VR4, and over time, she worked on it at the mechanic's shop as a personal project, learning how it works and how to drive it, with Mr. Soltero's help, of course. When Andrea turned 21, she took her car over to local races every now and then, competing with it, and learning how to drive it effectively. The first few races she didn't do well in, but with the help of Mr. Soltero (who was a seasoned street racer himself) and coworkers serving as her 'racing team', she was able to get some third and second places in, with a first every now and then. She spent five years in Ann Arbor learning how to shoot guns, drive cars, and how to fix both, and in her time off, she played video games, and tried dating. Andrea was bisexual, and while she preferred women, she was open to dating men too. However, like her time in High School, Andrea never got very far with anyone, as women (and even men) ghosted her when she tried to keep in contact with them. At 24, Andrea felt like a total loser, not really doing anything much with her life other than just mild hedonistic enjoyment. Her parents have attempted to contact her and tried to make amends (or at least pretend to), Andrea had none of it, Mr. Soltero already helping her cope with things as a better father figure anyway. At this point, she was somewhat aware of her unusual ability to survive things, and while she didn't really tell many people, she didn't think too much of it. She simply wanted to do something with her life, other than working at her dead end job, constantly working on her own car and others, and just sitting around playing video games, being single as hell.
One night, Mr. Soltero made a suggestion to her. Move to Santa Celia. He said. I can already tell that you don't belong here. My brother lives in Arido Valley, I'm sure you'll be much happier there. After careful consideration (and a bit of debate), Andrea agreed to go to Arido Valley in search of living a better life. Selling most of her assets, and only taking two guns, her 3000GT and her basic commodities with her, Andrea made the long drive from Eastern Michigan to Western California in the hopes of establishing a new life, far away from her past. She enjoyed her time spent on the road, however, seeing all of these new, wonderful sights, taking pictures with her new phone and enjoying the trip over. She arrived at Arido Valley, meeting up with Mr. Soltero's brother Jose, who owned a farm in the area. Thanks to Mr. Soltero's good word, Jose allowed Andrea to stay over at his farmhouse for the time being while she tried to find a place to actually live in. In the meantime, Jose put her to work as a farmhand, where helped do various chores and tasks on his property. Jose discovered that she was much stronger than most of his other farmhands, despite her appearance, wondering if she was one of those 'superpowered' folk that he keeps hearing about. Andrea figured that she may actually be blessed with the ability to regenerate and lift to her muscle's maximum capacity, and decided to test her limits with it working on Mr. Soltero's farm. After a few months of hard manual labour, Jose eventually had her working on his vehicles and farm equipment. Once Jose learned that she was a good shooter, and that she owned several guns, he had Andrea put them to good use by hunting pests, predators and deer. Jose had to teach her how to hunt, but in the time Andrea got her own house nearby, she learned how to hunt in her own right. She didn't feel too good about killing animals, though, so she attempted to devise non-lethal methods of pest-removal, ranging from humane traps to tranquilizer rounds, spending a lot of her free time researching ways to make her own tranquilizer rounds. In time, Andrea became known around Arido Valley as the 'fixer upper', working minimum wage at Jose's farm maintaining his equipment while she made extra fixing people's cars, shooting pests and selling her catches in her fishing and hunting trips. Once she found a decent routine, she managed to restore her lifestyle, taking her 3000GT to local legal races every now and then. She's lived this way for about four more years in Arido Valley, learning and earning new friends along the way.
One night, however, a shop nearby was being robbed by some goons. Crime had seeped from Santa Celia into Arido Valley, and the criminals were preying on the shops that didn't have the luxury of fast emergency response times. Two masked men with guns showed up to the convenience store, demanding cash. Andrea was there to witness it, and instead of standing by, she took action. Using her superior strength, she knocked over one of the shelves to stun one of the gunmen, throwing a beer bottle at the other before promptly laying a superpowered smackdown on the two, tossing them around and disabling them. She cooperated with the police once they arrived, and after saving the store from robbery and possibly the cashier's life, her prominence as a "fixer-upper" was known around Arido Valley some more, people calling her a hero. Since then, she had been called upon to take care of some latent criminals that the cops wouldn't bother tackling, donning on a gas mask and a voice modifier, calling herself the Valley Girl. After taking down a few criminals, but having suffered some painful (but easily recoverable) gunshot wounds, she made it a priority to create a non-lethal munition for her firearms so she can fight back without taking too many hits. After doing the research and contacting the right individuals, she created a special munition for her pistol and rifle that can non-lethally KO any living creature that it penetrates, with a dosage that will not leave any harmful effects when putting the targets to sleep (the round itself is small and will only go skin-deep). The tranq rounds proved successful, allowing Andrea to non-lethally dispatch criminals. However, such rounds are not only time-consuming to make, they are also somewhat expensive, and as a result, Andrea can only carry a few on her at a time. She fields these weapons as her Valley Girl persona, and thanks to their nature, are legal by California Law. However, one of the criminals she encountered in Arido Valley had his hands on some stolen tech, and after investigating it, turns out to be a neat pair of Augmented Reality glasses, as well as an Advanced Combat Intelligence. After doing the best she could in researching it, and finding the original owner to the ACI, she grabbed all of the components to it and took it to one of her tech friends who's a high ranking computer science guy (lets just call him Dave). Despite weeks of trial and error, Dave couldn't crack the code, running into CLASSIFIED every time he tried to figure out who manufactured it. Dave was, however, able to legally change ownership and reprogram some of its parameters to suit the user's needs, so since there was no known owner and no one put a missing ad out for it, Andrea decided to keep it and use it for her Valley Girl persona. The ACI was tweaked to her standards, and combined with that, she was able to become a potent crime-fighter.
Abilities and Skills ▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔
//Abilities:
Super Regeneration | Andrea has the ability to regenerate her wounds at an unprecidented rate. Most wounds mend together within seconds, more grievous wounds taking minutes, the most severe taking hours. While they don't regenerate immediately, they regenerate quick enough to get Andrea back into the fight, or at least get her moving. Just about anything, ranging from skin to muscle mass to vital organs will regenerate at a high rate, allowing her to survive nearly anything. Such regeneration allows for an immune system that could go through illnesses much more quickly, allowing Andrea to only suffer from a cold or flu for about less than an hour at a time, and could potentially make her immune from deadlier contagions too, as the regeneration extends to the antibodies used to fight against these infections. Such regeneration allows Andrea to use her muscles at full strength (about 6-7x the strength a human her size), as her muscles can instantly heal as they tear themselves apart. Going full strength is a huge burning sensation for Andrea, but it allows her to outdo even body builders when it comes to strength contests, and can allow her to throw objects incredibly far.
Limitation(s) | Such healing power requires lots of food and water, and while a normal amount of food and water consumed each day can help Andrea regenerate from basic wounds and keep her healthy, Andrea would have to eat much more in order to regenerate large wounds quickly. Her power would still exist even if she was starving, but her body would eat at itself in order to keep her alive. Andrea would be able to regrow limbs, but she would have to consume a lot of food and take lots of time in physical therapy in order to get said limb working again. Things like lack of oxygen, whether it would be from drowning, smoke or being thrown out the airlock, cannot be regenerated from in the moment, and other constant effects would keep Andrea out of action until she were to be in safer conditions. With all that considered, Andrea can still feel pain, and her nerves regenerate with the rest of her. Getting hurt sucks.
Weakness(es) | Wounds to the head, while they can recover, would most likely cause memory loss, effectively ending Andrea as she is, 'killing' her mind. Her regeneration can slow to a crawl if she were to be on fire, and while burns can be healed, they would leave nasty scars. Freezing conditions can also slow regeneration, and can put Andrea out of action for a long time. As mentioned above, lack of oxygen and other constant conditions can easily put Andrea out of action for as long as they are there to keep her down.
//Skills:
As Lethal As She Wants It To Be | Other than Andrea's super-power, what makes her such an effective crime-fighter is her ability to craft .22LR rounds that can incapacitate targets while causing minimal damage. These rounds are soft light rounds that only leave small skin wounds, never going beyond, that force incapacitation by dissolving into a very temporary paralytic agent that forces the target down, before the sleeping agent slowly takes over and keeps the target down. Such agents are in a dose that will work on small animals and large ones without killing them, though larger animals and people would take a bit more time to take down than normal. Average humans, men and women, would be downed with the next beat of their heart from these tranqs if they pierce the skin. Such agent is also used in the sleeping gas grenades she throws, though the effect is much more gradual with those. Andrea currently knows no other formulas for the .22LR chem rounds she's created, but in time she may diversify.
Speed Racer | One thing that Andrea's pretty damn good at is driving. Having learned how to drive as a racer, and how to make cars operate at peak performance, Andrea could make any vehicle into an extension of herself and turn it into a machine of precision and speed. Well, most small vehicles anyway. Once she is familiar with a vehicle, she can know its strengths and weaknesses, and how to use it effectively. She's particularly good at driving her 3000GT and her Camry, using both to their fullest extent.
Silent, But Not Deadly | Andrea learned how to become a huntress in order to take care of pests, small game and to fend off predators encroaching on farms. However, she wasn't a big fan of killing off cute animals, so with her As Lethal as it Needs to Be skill, she's successfully hunted game of all kinds without a single fatality, often capturing small game and releasing them to other parts of the wild, and bringing big game into captivity alive for a bigger price than dead. Such hunting skill gave her the ability to be quite stealthy, often approaching things silently, with both movements and firearm attacks.
The Basics Of CQC | Having practiced a little with a boxing bag (and at school against bullies), Andrea could use her unparalleled strength to give her an advantage against others when it comes to CQC, using her brute strength to disable enemies, disarm them or otherwise just neutralize them. Her fighting style is very sloppy and crude, but it is very effective, and can get the job done. Her ability to use improvised weapons using her strength can turn anything into a deadly object of blunt force or sharp steel, depending on how she uses it.
Mechanic Warrior | While Andrea went for a GED in high school, her training and subsequent job experience working as a mechanic allowed her the experience to learn how to fix cars, and just about anything else really (as long as its basic stuff). With enough know-how and basic knowledge on what she's fixing, Andrea could fix just about any simple problem given the time and resources. With her experience, she can get most vehicles up and running, and keep the lights on in most houses, and keep other machines running.
Bilingual | Andrea is very fluent in English, Andrea knows some Spanish too due to living and working with Hispanic Americans almost all of her life. (( Keep in mind, as a player, I barely know a lick of spanish, so Spanish would be 'translated' appropriately ))
Supporting Cast ▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔
Advanced Combat Intelligence Omega Mark 6, aka "Patches" - A combat intelligence upgraded into a full virtual intelligence, this AI, connected through a mainframe and several nodes, can see and hear what Andrea most often can't, often acting as her spotter. Manufactured by HAT and sold under the brand of Sentinel Tech, the ACI acts as a combat intelligence that keeps its user up to date with relevant information in almost any way, connecting to devices and speaking to the user. This was found as a 'bootleg' from a captured criminal, where it's real origins were unknown. Andrea had it taken to a guy named 'Dave', having it reprogrammed to Andrea's tastes after they couldn't find the original owner to it. Such tastes allowed it to help her spot enemies, as well as keep her entertained with jokes and conversation. It's not sentient by any means, but at points it does seem to have some degree of awareness. Maybe. Snarky but still otherwise helpful, "Patches" acts in areas where Andrea can't, often filling in for her shortcomings. Patches' voice is often that of a caucasian female, but it can also do celebrity impressions as well. Far from the baseline ACI, Andrea had it reprogrammed by a friend in order to make it far more entertaining and useful than a combat intelligence should be.
Patches, while using a mainframe computer that can be backed up using cloud software, normally operates through nodes, which are smartphone-sized brick-like devices that house most of the computing and transmission hardware. Such nodes normally remain connected to the mainframe and to the internet from strong cell tower connection (or satellite connection if the antennae is extended), and is USB capable. It chiefly operates through augmented reality glasses and small camera drones, though it can operate through other means as well. The mainframe itself is located at Andrea's house in the guise of a (functioning) gaming computer. Among the things Patches can do are:
• Remotely control small camera drones to spot targets, collect intel or otherwise act as an alert system • Connect to any compatible augmented reality glasses in order to display a HUD with all meaningul intel, such as enemy locations, weapon trajectory, maps and target info. If no glasses are used, it will update using audio instead. • If connected to a radio, can scan through radio waves and listen in on conversations • Can connect to any weakly protected bluetooth devices to search for information or otherwise spy through camera and microphone • Play music, tell jokes, sing songs, and be an all-around robo-buddy • (TBD)
Jose Soltero - Male, 57. An owner of a farm that he owns outside the town of Arido Valley. A friendly man who's the brother of Andrea's old boss Mr. Soltero, he runs his farm with his wife and a few farmhands, growing fruit, wheats and chickens. He had become somewhat of a father figure to Andrea, often helping her out when things get rough. He is one of very few people who know about her "Valley Girl" alter ego, and contrary to most movies and TV Shows, supports her vigilantism, knowing how much good she's done for the community already. He helps her out in any way he can, paying her under the table for extra work she puts in at the farm.
EDIT 1: Changed TTD (Time to Down) of the tranqs from 0.5 seconds to "the next heartbeat". EDIT 2: Fixed the wording for quite a few things, including powers, abilities, weapons, and some parts of Andrea's backstory. Also described the location of ACI's mainframe. EDIT 3: Added descriptions for the weapon attachments (suppressor for the T-bolt rifle and laser sight for the P22 pistol).
The whole CS—the entire character concept—is based on a struggle. It is a struggle with what psychologists today would call a disorder. When you do things without control, like one with an eating disorder. You can tell them to stop, but they’ll keep eating for various reasons and sometimes those reasons involve how good it feels and how it takes their mind away from the actual pain they are going through whether that be physical, mental, or both. Similarly, how do you stop something you like? How do you stop an addiction that is self-destructive? You have to get help and Victor does this by seeing a psychologist regularly.
As for the history, there are several American historical events that I probably could have written a novel about in the back story (like the Berlin Wall), but I chose not to. I only focused on the major events that occurred in his life that revealed when his ability first emerged to how he got to America. I wasn’t planning on writing a novel if that’s what you were wondering. Now there are several philosophical concepts I based this CS on. If you ever studied International Relations, the major concept that this CS is based on is called Realism. It is the idea that humans are always at conflict in pursuit of power. Hans Morgenthau goes deeper with Neorealism, saying that it is because of human nature. Throughout history, violence has always been awarded in the military (from Spartan warriors to Knights and I can’t say entirely now because we are in a more humanitarian movement) with awards and promotions. The SS were a violent and despicable group that needs no further elaboration.
As for surgery, surgery is violent. When you are going into someone that requires you to cut them open. The intention of the doctor is not the same as a criminal—that is a doctor with a healthy moral psychology—but the act is still intrusive and scares people at times. And doctors have to find the least intrusive route to go about conducting surgery because someone’s life is in their hands. When you’re cutting away at scar tissue, tumors, or sawing through bone, it is all violent and graphic. But the intention isn’t. It is the act of violence that my character’s power works.
Now that you have given your constructive criticism, what recommendations do you have?
Now that you have given your constructive criticism, what recommendations do you have?
One, the picture that was chosen for your character sheet should be changed for a 'headshot' to adequately display your character's face and preferably using a photograph or photorealistic depiction. The current picture doesn't clearly show your character's face and instead focuses on their body and its injuries. This is not the purpose of the character image and if you wish to continue using this picture it can be concealed within a hider or moved to another portion of the sheet.
Neither Victor's Zodiac sign, his degree's discipline nor the location of his work needs to be included on his initial statistics, the inclusive of such makes it look crowded, doubly so given that you've chosen to include all of his identities and aliases. Bisexual is a single word, the capitalization of 'Sexual' and the hyphen are both unnecessary.
'Buzzed' isn't a hair colour, Victor's correct hair colour should be listed under his physical profile with his haircut elaborated on his physical description as you have already done so.
It's your sheet, but I would have arranged the personality beneath the table code and then put the character's history beneath that. The way you have it right now is something of an eyesore.
He was born into a world of violence, and he never understood why. If God exists, then why allow him to be born before the apocalypse, or why allow him to be born to a man who did nothing but hurt him and his mother? Things happen for a reason, and they don’t always make sense; but over the years, one behavior has always been the same among humans. Violence. Humans are violent creatures. They are always at conflict with each other and yet they naturally gravitate toward each other. Perhaps to inevitably cause harm to the other person whether physically or mentally—or even spiritually if you believe in such a thing.
Most of this is waxing poetically and tells us very little about Victor. This could be entirely done away with and it wouldn't change the personality section, all this does is preface the reader with the philosophy that you, as a writer are using to justify Victor's psyche.
For decades, Victor had to learn to deal with these feelings and hide them from those who wouldn’t understand. He tried to study himself—conduct private psychological research to prove or disprove whether or not he was a born psychopath. He eventually learned that he wasn’t insane and that despite how unusual his emotions were, he was normal. It was normal for him for he had always been that way. Even still, despite being a doctor, he regularly sees a psychologist if only just to talk about his problems.
The majority of this is exposition and would be better utilized in Victor's backstory. In fact, it would help paint a clearer picture of where the modern day Victor is in his life and his struggle. I understand the character has a long life, in fact, the longest lifespan in the RP as of current, and that would require a lot of writing to fully flesh out. But I don't feel as though the submitted length is adequate for this character especially with such major plot points skimmed over and outright left out. I already mentioned his learning of English and integration into American Society, and I would argue those are major points that the backstory is lacking in. Likewise, the entire Hitler Youth arc is sort of lacklustre, yes his father forced him to join and yes, he wanted to flee but in reality, it wasn't being declared a traitor that kept Germany's youth among the ranks. You were allowed to leave Hitler's Youth, but you could be denied your diploma, preventing you from joining a University, no one would give you a job, and numerous other examples of social ostracization.
The introduction of the French/American Spy Girlfriend is baffling to me, or at least the description around the scenario. Did he date the woman while she hated him? Or did she actually become romantic in him after learning 'he wasn't like the other officers'? Sofia's character is a rather interesting element in the backstory and for her to be so simply skimmed over is almost criminal. Given she's an artifact of time, she likely wouldn't be alive in the modern day but it would have been nice to have spent more time exploring this relationship. Does she help quell Victor's violent nature, does he find himself trying to hurt her while they're intimate? Outside of her death causing one freak out, did it have any lasting effect on her? She was his first love, that has to mean something. You mention later in the story that he's afraid to love due to his 'abnormality' but that wasn't a factor in his relationship with Sofia.
Additionally, the man who is addicted to violence, who just saw his wife die in a crossfire between two warring factions, didn't equally blame both? I know in the powers section you mention how he's not a beserker (A missed opportunity to give him some tangible flaws but we'll get there.), but this man just watched his first love, potentially the love of his life cut down in a crossfire, likely unable to lay the blame squarely on either side and he didn't murder everyone indiscriminately? This just feels like a missed opportunity, furthermore with Sofia dead, does that keep his deal intact and if so, how and on whose authority did she even have to grant a 'turncoat' American Citizenship?
And when did he learn English? This is a major skill that drives the majority of the backstory and especially would be important during his integration into America, but it's not touched upon anywhere in the backstory.
The whole CS—the entire character concept—is based on a struggle. It is a struggle with what psychologists today would call a disorder. When you do things without control, like one with an eating disorder. You can tell them to stop, but they’ll keep eating for various reasons and sometimes those reasons involve how good it feels and how it takes their mind away from the actual pain they are going through whether that be physical, mental, or both. Similarly, how do you stop something you like? How do you stop an addiction that is self-destructive? You have to get help and Victor does this by seeing a psychologist regularly.
The psychologist doesn't appear until the modern day segment of the backstory. From 1945 until 2010s, how did Victor starve off his violent nature? This what I mean about there being no evidence of a struggle. Even in the early portions of the backstory, Victor's alleged 'violent nature' only manifests in heightened emotional states, when attacked by the other boy, when Sofia died etc. For almost sixty years he lived without an incident based on your current backstory. He didn't participate in the Cold War, in Vietnam, he didn't engage in vigilantism or become a serial killer, spree killer or any form of a murderer.
As for surgery, surgery is violent. When you are going into someone that requires you to cut them open. The intention of the doctor is not the same as a criminal—that is a doctor with a healthy moral psychology—but the act is still intrusive and scares people at times. And doctors have to find the least intrusive route to go about conducting surgery because someone’s life is in their hands. When you’re cutting away at scar tissue, tumors, or sawing through bone, it is all violent and graphic. But the intention isn’t. It is the act of violence that my character’s power works.
Violent is defined as such:
Surgery, especially modern surgery, is done in a manner designed to improve the life of the patient, reduce pain and make the whole thing as comfortable as possible. The act of making an incision is not one of violence and therefore is not violent. Your character would make more sense operating as a dominatrix than they would as a surgeon. Furthermore, your powers are defined as 'Conflict Energy', and while you provide no further definition, the name itself implies that these 'violent energies' come from conflict, which again surgery is not.
Which on that note, brings us to your power section. The concept is abstract and loosely defined, meaning that it needs to fleshed out more in order to become a rationalized idea. As I said, conflict energy is not defined here, you mention it by name and then immediately go into explaining what it does without defining what it is and only that it comes from either Victor being violent, another committing violence, or violence that is happening around him. Again, using the term violent which is defined as the intention to harm, damage or kill, at a loosely defined that could include strong language, there's nothing here that says the violence is limited to physical.
Additionally, what is the range of influence? How close or far does Victor need to be to violence in order to absorb the 'Conflict Energy'? Couldn't he simply live in a bad neighborhood and enjoy a long life?
In your limitations you state the following:
The violence is addicting in high doses. Victor can lose himself, especially in traumatic situations. Unlike a berserker, Victor is completely conscious and aware of his surroundings. He just loves it, and he doesn’t care how much harm he is inflicting on the person who earned it.
This is a contradiction both to itself and your backstory. Victor watched his wife die and didn't lose himself, so did he ever really love Sofia? Furthermore, if he loses himself, how does he stay aware of his surroundings? How does performing surgery not cause him to fly into a frenzy at the first sight of blood? Again, that doesn't seem to be a struggle here.
As a surgeon, he is inflicting a soft level of violence on his patients, which increases his focus and precision, making him the renowned doctor he is known as today. This gives him his regular dose of violence at safe levels.
How does this work? If he's an addict he shouldn't be able to stop there. An over-eater doesn't just open a bag of chips and have one, no they go back for another, and another and soon the whole bag is gone. Again, I'm not convinced of a struggle. The limitations also don't touch on how much 'Conflict Energy' Victor's body can hold and if there is a cap, what happens when he starts to exceed it? Furthermore, what would happen if he died to live as a pacifist? Does the deprivation of 'Conflict Energy' have any negative effects aside from returning him to a natural life? Where's the self-harm to just feel alive?
His regeneration doesn't allow him to instantly restore lost limbs once a conflict has ended. If by the end of a conflict, his arm hasn't regenerated, then it won't regenerate until the next exposure opportune exposure to conflict energy.
At what rate does his regeneration work at though? How does it work? It is through simply being exposed to conflict energy? Or is it through the amount of conflict energy absorbed?
The weaknesses are a write-off, most of them are psychological limitations put into the weaknesses section of the character sheet. I'm looking for exploitable weaknesses that will harm or kill your character, reading through I see one in that if Victor was shot from a distance with a single bullet to the head, that should kill him. Of course, this all depends on the rest of the ability being further defined as Victor could essentially be constantly absorbing conflict energy. The second weakness and I'm not sure if it's a weakness is that his ability causes stress on his brain. The reason I'm not sure if this is a weakness is that the negative effects listed in the CS are hair loss, change of pigment and apathy. That might hinder his social life but it's not an exploitable weakness in the heat of the moment. Does the stress of his brain lead to an aneurysm if kept in combat too long? Will he eventually lose himself and devolve into a base savage? There's no real implication to the extent of the damage that the stress of his brain will cause.
I'm not going to spend much time commenting on the supporting cast or skills, being the best surgeon in both general and neural makes me raise a bit of an eyebrow given how specialized surgery is. Furthermore, the CS doesn't hint at some of the struggles Victor should have with modern technology and keeping up to the advances in his field.
Outside of commenting on the sheet itself, I have to ask, what is it that you think you and your player can bring to this RP? You clearly have some sort of plan in mind based on your comment towards Tackytaff's character, so I'd be curious to know what sort of story you want to tell with Victor.
@Lord WraithI could debate this entire concept with you all day because the criticism you’re giving is more of a misunderstanding and not being able to grasp what was presented with the philosophies explained to you. You have not only wasted your time, but you have wasted mine. I created this character because I saw the doctor role was open, and I was going to use Victor as a support role. If a character needed to go to him personally rather than make themselves vulnerable in a hospital, he would have been that lifeline. The fact that you’re asking me to write a novel for your enjoyment is ridiculous and frankly just stupid, and I refuse. There are other games that I intend to burn my creative energy on and this is not one of them. I came here, gave your game a shot, and now I’m leaving with indifference and without surprise. Happy Holidays.
@Lord WraithI could debate this entire concept with you all day because the criticism you’re giving is more of a misunderstanding and not being able to grasp what was presented with the philosophies explained to you. You have not only wasted your time, but you have wasted mine. I created this character because I saw the doctor role was open, and I was going to use Victor as a support role. If a character needed to go to him personally rather than make themselves vulnerable in a hospital, he would have been that lifeline. The fact that you’re asking me to write a novel for your enjoyment is ridiculous and frankly just stupid, and I refuse. There are other games that I intend to burn my creative energy on and this is not one of them. I came here, gave your game a shot, and now I’m leaving with indifference and without surprise. Happy Holidays.
In other news, Luciana has just a few bells and whistles until completion. Would've been done before holidays but a lot of shit came up -- roommate squabbles I was forced [as landlord] to mediate, going out to dinner with friends, etc. I sincerely apologize for the lack of timeliness. Gonna go right to working on the CS now.
In other news, Luciana has just a few bells and whistles until completion. Would've been done before holidays but a lot of shit came up -- roommate squabbles I was forced [as landlord] to mediate, going out to dinner with friends, etc. I sincerely apologize for the lack of timeliness. Gonna go right to working on the CS now.
In other news, Luciana has just a few bells and whistles until completion. Would've been done before holidays but a lot of shit came up -- roommate squabbles I was forced [as landlord] to mediate, going out to dinner with friends, etc. I sincerely apologize for the lack of timeliness. Gonna go right to working on the CS now.
@Lord Wraith I've been 'stalking' this RP for quite a little while now. I know the join status says 'apply', but the CS-tab says that there currently are no less than four characters in the pipeline. Even with subtracting those who obviously are no longer I'd still like to ask if this is still open at this point prior to start working on a character ?
@Lord Wraith I've been 'stalking' this RP for quite a little while now. I know the join status says 'apply', but the CS-tab says that there currently are no less than four characters in the pipeline. Even with subtracting those who obviously are no longer I'd still like to ask if this is still open at this point prior to start working on a character ?
I am always open to new characters. The pending are people who are undergoing review and their sheets are currently held up awaiting edits or other reasons. All goes well with your app and you're in! Sometimes it just takes longer to hammer out an idea that player and GM agree on.
1x Thank
