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Hidden 5 yrs ago Post by laserX
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@Sigma I don't think i'm going to sign up. this is too much work for me. writing 2000 words is a major effort for me and requires a huge investment in time. I think i'll just read what everyone else wrote and have fun that way
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@laserX A shame, but that's ok, at least our rp gives some enjoyment to other readers :)

But if you ever feel up to it, rp is always open.
Hidden 5 yrs ago 5 yrs ago Post by Crispy Octopus
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Crispy Octopus Into the fryer we go.

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Hidden 5 yrs ago 5 yrs ago Post by Liotrent
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This be my progress. It's the most done it can be with the time I have to work on it between college and this.

Hidden 5 yrs ago Post by Nate1008
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Hey everyone! Sorry about being gone so long. I took a lot of time to research, plan and take your thoughts into account. I have decided to continue with my infestation idea. But this time, it will be more realistic, believable and game-worthy. I will need your thoughts, help and support though to do this properly. I am ready to create my faction now. Please tell me if i need to fix something. Thank you.
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Hidden 5 yrs ago 5 yrs ago Post by Nate1008
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SO! What do you guys think of the Sathrican Scar?
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Its finished! Please give me any criticism, comments or suggestions so i can make it better. Tell me if you think its ready to go into the game. Thanks! :)
Hidden 5 yrs ago Post by Archetype Zero
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Archetype Zero 𝕿𝖍𝖊 𝕾𝖍𝖆𝖙𝖙𝖊𝖗𝖊𝖉 𝕺𝖓𝖊

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There are many issues.
Hidden 5 yrs ago Post by Nate1008
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ok. please tell me.
Hidden 5 yrs ago 5 yrs ago Post by Kood
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Nate, your bio ftl is damn near useless. Your hyper dread can make it to sun from Earth and some but that's it, I suggest you either buff the range of a single bio ftl or increase the amount of them in ships. But hey, what do I know?
Hidden 5 yrs ago 5 yrs ago Post by Ascendant
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Distance of Alpha Centauri from Sol: 4.367 light years.
Light years in kilometers (km) : 9.461 * 10^12.
That's 9,461,000,000,000 km if you convert from scientific notation to regular numbers.
One of your Bio-FTL jumps 1,000,000 km at a time.
Your hyperdread has 162 Bio-FTLs, so it can jump 162,000,000 km at a time.
Divide 9,461,000,000,000 by 162,000,000.
The result is 58,401.234, rounded up to 58,402 jumps since you can't have partial jumps.
It takes your hyperdread 58,402 jumps just to travel from Sol to Alpha Centauri.

Personally I recommend you play a normal human faction, but if you must try this infestation thing, you should probably drop all your numbers. All of them, pretty much. That or do a lot of research to make them sensible.

The Sathrican Scar is an infestation. The Sathrican Scar seeks to consume all in its path to create a network of interconnected minds. The Sathrican believe it is the only way to achieve eternal peace in the universe. The Sathrican have been nicknamed The Scar, because of its wound-like nature. It spreads, infects and hurts the universe as it grows larger and larger. The Sathrican are full of people from other races, civilizations and factions. The Sathrican Scar is ruthless and unforgiving, but may create allies and trade routes with other races. They do not need resources, but may harvest them for diplomatic responses and trades. The Sathrican do not care much for others and may start wars with neutral civilizations after collecting a little intelligence from them.


An infestation that seeks to consume all in its path and is ruthless and unforgiving will make allies and trade routes? The Scar doesn't need resources, yet it will trade for them? Do they not eat? So the Scar doesn't care much for others, yet will trade with them, but despite potentially trading, they may start wars with neutral civs after collecting just a bit of intelligence on them?

There is basically zero possibility of the Scar working with anyone or anyone working with the Scar. I really do recommend you just play some time of human faction since this seems to be your first time around the block. Jumping straight to harder concepts is likely a bad idea. This is a skill much as anything else is. I'm not trying to put you down, I'm really trying to help you get to play with them.
Hidden 5 yrs ago 5 yrs ago Post by Nate1008
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Ok. Ill get to that. And i am fixing that now. Ill do a recreation.
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The Sathrican Scar
(The Scar)

General Information
The Sathrican Scar is an infestation. They kill, eat, grow and infest small places in the dark corners of the universe. They are currently undiscovered by most races and factions. Some think they are rumors, tall tales and lies. But, they are very much real. Soon, they will grow large enough to consume the universe, until nothing but infestation, horror, death and plague is left.

Nation type
Currently: Minor Belligerent
Later: Major Belligerent

Overview

History
The Sathrican Scar was created in a laboratory as a bio-weapon. It was meant to be a plague that would kill its hosts. Instead, its hosts became infested horrors. Creatures, Monsters, Mutants. They kill without mercy, and server their hive mind. They killed their creators, took over small colonies who had little or no defense, and no communications with others. The Sathrican made its first mark on the universe without being noticed. Electrical storms caused blackouts and most of the people on the colonies couldn't call for help in time, and were the first to be lost to the Sathrican Scar.

Major Holdings
Central Hive: The current location of the hive mind.
Ilanhand: Infested Fringe world colony.
Ironclever: Infested Fringe world colony.
I.S.S.1: Infested Research vessel.
R.R.S Orion: Infested civilian transport vessel.
S.S.R.4: Infested Hyperdread

Demographics

Population

Infested: The infested are creatures that have been infested. They have no will on their own and are controlled by the Hive Mind.

Sathrican Creatures: The Sathrican Creatures are monsters created from flesh and bone. Made by the Hive Mind and its Hives, the Hive Mind creates new monstrous species, each used for different purposes.

society
The Infested do not really live any kind of life. They wander, attack and eat. They do not have moral or will and do not need happiness and are immune to depression and other mental related affects. The Sathrican Creatures however, do live a life. They eat, sleep, raise children, tend to rooms and do go to war. They are like animals. They hunt, drink and forage while having a den, and depending on the intelligence of a species, they will even form communities and interact with one another, like: hunt, farm, play games, dance and sing.

Economy

Bio-essence: Bio-essence is the core ingredient of all Sathrican beings. They were created by it and the Hive Mind has learned how to control it, use it to create more creatures and horrors. Bio-essence is a raw, unstable material. It is not useless though. It is powerful when combined with uranium. A small drop of this liquid and a 1 lb chunk of uranium, can power a whole glitter-world (fully colonized planet) for 4 years. However, it must be stabilized first, then processed, and compressed. The stabilization possess is slow and can take up to 5-11 months. The liquid must be placed in perfect cold, but damp environment. This will cause the essence to calm down, and its atoms will stop moving as fast. Next, the processing will take up to 2-5 days. It must be constantly mixed and churned for the 2-5 days, at a speed of 20 km/h. If the speed becomes too fast or too slow, it will erase all progress and the essence will return to its unstable state. Next, the compression stage is the most difficult, but shortest. It takes only 2-3 hours. You must compress the now stable liquid with a weight of 20,000 tones, and hold it there for a few hours. Once this process is complete, the bright green glowing liquid would have turned to a dark purple glow. This purple liquid is now safe to use, but unsafe to breathe around and touch without protection. The liquid is so acidic in this stage, it will melt your lungs if you breathe the air around it, within a 20 ft radius.

Meat: YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS!

basically any biological material. The Bio-essence is the only one you need to know about.

The Sathrican Scar does not trade with other races and does not need many resources.

Government
The Sathrican Scar is ruled by the Hive Mind. It controls all of the Sathrican Creatures and the Infested.

Technological Information
The Sathrican Scar cannot create inorganic technology, however...they can steal it by infesting others who are already using it. The Sathrican still wont be able to create it. It will only be able to use it.

Major Techs

Bio-FTL: A Bio-FTL is a biological warping system. It allows the ship it is attached to, to jump 1-1000 light-years.

Bio Cannon: A Bio cannon is a biological cannon that fires a flesh blob. This blob contains an acidic material that can burn through many strong physical objects. (This has no effect on shields and can be stopped by them)

Heavy Bio Cannon: A Heavy Bio cannon is a larger biological cannon that fires a large flesh blob. This blob contains a large amount of acid, but also contains multiple flesh spores. These spores quickly grow into tentacles that tear the objects they land on, and kills any small creatures its able to pick up.

Plague spore: A Plague spore is a fleshy spore that is attached to an infested. When the attached infested dies, the spore spews a toxic gas that infects everything that breathes it in. (Does not include mechanical)

Military Information
All of the Sathrican Scar are military. They all fight, and they all can fight.

Military Overview

Fleet/Navy

Dreadnoughts

Sathrican Hive Dreadnought: A Sathrican Hive Dreadnought is a massive ship that typically carries a few million troops. It has 12 Bio-FTLs, 271 Bio Cannons, 177 Heavy Bio-Cannons and 52 Screechier dens.

Infested Dreadnought: (not researched), Basically a dreadnought from another race that belongs to the Sathrican Scar. It retains most, or all of its former technology. (but some of it may not be used due to lack of intelligence)

Battleships

Sathrican Hive Battleship: A Sathrican Hive Battleship is a huge ship that has 10-11 Bio-FTLs, 236 Bio Cannons, 146 Heavy Bio Cannons and 47 Screechier dens.

Infested Battleship: (not researched), Basically a Battleship from another race that belongs to the Sathrican Scar. It retains most, or all of its former technology. (but some of it may not be used due to lack of intelligence)

Battlecruisers

Sathrican Hive Battlecruiser: A Sathrican Hive Battlecrusier is a huge ship that has 9-10 Bio-FTLs, 215 Bio Cannons, 121 Heavy Bio-Cannons and 31 Screechier dens.

Infested Battlecrusier: (Not researched), Basically a Battlecrusier from another race that belongs to the Sathrican Scar. It retains most, or all of its former technology. (but some of it may not be used due to lack of intelligence)

Cruisers

Sathrican Hive Cruiser: A Sathrican Hive Cruiser is a large ship that has 8-9 Bio-FTLs, 182 Bio Cannons, 72 Heavy Bio Cannons and 28 Screechier dens.

Infested Cruiser: (Not researched), Basically a Cruiser from another race that belongs to the Sathrican Scar. It retains most, or all of its former technology. (but some of it may not be used due to lack of intelligence)

Destroyers

Sathrican Hive Destroyer: A Sathrican Hive Destroyer is a medium ship that has 6-7 Bio-FTLs, 141 Bio Cannons, 38 Heavy Bio Cannons and 16 Screechier dens.

Infested Destroyer: (Not researched), Basically a Destroyer from another race that belongs to the Sathrican Scar. It retains most, or all of its former technology. (but some of it may not be used due to lack of intelligence)

Frigates

Sathrican Hive Frigate: A Sathrican Hive Frigate is a medium ship that has 3-5 Bio-FTLs, 58 Bio Cannons, 17 Heavy Bio Cannons and 2 Screechier dens.

Infested Frigate: (Not researched), Basically a Frigate from another race that belongs to the Sathrican Scar. It retains most, or all of its former technology. (but some of it may not be used due to lack of intelligence)

Corvettes

Sathrican Hive Corvette: A Sathrican Hive Corvette is a small ship that has 2-3 Bio-FTLs and 10 Bio Cannons.

Infested Corvette: (Not researched), Basically a Corvette from another race that belongs to the Sathrican Scar. It retains most, or all of its former technology. (but some of it may not be used due to lack of intelligence)

Strike craft

Sathrican Hive Strike craft: Sathrican Hive Strike craft are small ships that have 1 Bio-FTL and 2 Bio Cannons.

Infested Strike craft: (Not researched), Basically a Strike craft from another race that belongs to the Sathrican Scar. It retains most, or all of its former technology. (but some of it may not be used due to lack of intelligence)

Army/Planetary forces

Sathrican Infested: The Sathrican Infested are the main units in the Sathrican's army. They are people of other races, that now belong to the Sathrican Scar. The Sathrican Infested attack mindlessly and have no will on their own. They lose their ability to control themselves and must watch as they attack others.

Sathrican Scavenger: Sathrican Scavengers are small creatures that are workers and scouts. They are weak, but nimble and fast. These creatures walk on four legs, and have a tail. Their head only has their mouth and nose. They cannot see, but their sense of smell is so advanced, their brain creates a nearly perfect map of the environment they are in. They can smell even the walls, floors and objects in the room. However, if something smells like the wall, and is close to the wall, then it cant see it and may think that thing is part of the wall.

Sathrican Ravager: A Sathrican Ravager is a large hulking mass of flesh, teeth and bone that walk on 4 legs. They are normally slow, but immensely strong for their size. These creatures are the heavy infantry in a Sathrican Army. All Sathrican Ravagers look different, no two Ravagers look the same. Ravagers typically are large masses of flesh. They have multiple eyes all over their body, (i.e: arm, leg, hand, chest) and their entire head is a massive maw of shredding teeth and multiple tendril-like tongues, and have 4-22 tendrils on their backs that are used as extra arms to grab things and use extra force. One of these creatures is strong enough to tip over a tank and heavy enough to crush a car.

Sathrican Screechier: A Sathrican Screechier is a medium sized flying creature. They are named this way because when they spot enemies, they make a loud high pitched screeching noise that tells its allies there are hostiles. Screechier's are fast flying creatures with 4 or 6 wings. They are agile and swift, but they have little to no natural armour. These creatures have 7-12 eyes on their heads and have a small mouth full of fangs and teeth. These creatures bites are lethal due to a toxic venom in their fangs, and they can shoot a small spore full of acid from their tails. They can only fire 3-6 of these before needing to eat meat to regenerate their ammunition, (witch typically takes 2-3 hours).

Sathrican Swarmer: Sathrican Swarmers are small agile infantry creatures. They are fast and come in large numbers. These creatures make up most of a Sathrican army (besides the Sathrican Infested), and attack mindlessly as the Infested do. These creatures have a single eye in the center of their head and have a single tentacle on the right and left side of their bodies. Their hearing is not that great and their eyesight is not very effective. It is smell and touch that drives them the most. These creatures are used in every attack possible. They are also used to board enemy ships and infiltrate bases and cause internal damage to these structures and units. Normally, these creatures alone outnumber their enemies 5 to 1, as a Sathrican army has around a few million.

Sathrican Besieger: A Sathrican Besieger is a massive creature, about the size of a cruiser. These enormous beings are used to literally jump in the air and snatch and crush frigates, fighters and tear huge holes in battleships during planetary combat. These creatures alone, weigh 5,251,621 Tones, and are about 16 km long, 1 km wide and 26 km tall. These creatures cannot be moved off-world and are used to attack or defend a planet they were created on. These massive creatures look like a massive rhino like creature with four massive tusks emerging from its mouth, two huge mandibles, each on the opposite side of its mouth and thousands of tentacles all over its body that grab invaders on it and its maw is large enough to swallow a frigate whole. They can smash walls with ease, crush a tank like a can and bite a battleship like it was a peace of chicken. It has 14 massive hearts each the size of a whale, a massive stomach the size of a building and its brain is the size of a truck. These creatures take 9-20 years to develop, 2-8 more years to fully mature to adults and 20-30 years to become full grown. (the process takes about 31-58 years)

Sathrican Plague-Bringer: A Sathrican Plague-Bringer is a large creature that walks on 20 legs (10 on each side of its body) and has lots of tentacles in its mouth. It has no teeth and is generally harmless. However, the creature can launch a 20 foot long tentacle from its large abdomen. The tentacle is tipped with a small spike at the end, once it stabs a creature, the Plague-Bringer injects the infection into its new host. The Infection takes only a few seconds to take over the creature, and the Plague-Bringer uses its new toy to protect it and possibly bring it more victims.

Sathrican Queen: A Sathrican Queen is a massive creature, not as big as a Besieger, but larger than a Ravager. There is always only one Sathrican Queen in each infested base or hive. The Queen uses units to protect her and her hive and is the only one who can lay eggs. She spawns her brood and raises an army, and uses her base as a factory for her units. She can attack, but is rarely involved in combat because of her importance to a hive. She is, however, an extremely powerful unit. She is about as large as a whale and can attack swiftly. She can also Heal and Spawn other units on the battlefield and can create a new queen to run a new hive. A Queen is typically large and has 49-123 tentacles on her back, and have 6 spider-like legs on each side of her body and 2 talon-like arms.

Infested Machine: (Not researched). An infested machine is any infested mechanical unit/vehicle from another race. These vehicles gain Sathrican Tech and may lose some of its original tech.

Hyperdread

Sathrican Hive Ship: These massive ships are huge and powerful. They are like moving Sathrican Infested planets that produce billions upon billions of units at a time. With massive size, the ship is big enough to transport 10 Sathrican Besiegers (Although they are too heavy), and are the biggest hearts of the Sathrican Scar. These enormous ships have 162 Bio-FTLs, 3712 Bio Cannons, 1738 Heavy Bio Cannons, 721 Screechier dens and 281 huge Screechier dens.

Infested Hyperdread: (Not researched. Needs Mechanical Infestation LV:28), Basically a Hyperdread from another race that belongs to the Sathrican Scar. It retains most, or all of its former technology. (but some of it may not be used due to lack of intelligence)

Did i fix it yet??? (im sorry if its not done.......im just very tired. I got 0 hours of sleep and its 4:36 Am. Ima go to sleep now...
Hidden 5 yrs ago 5 yrs ago Post by Archetype Zero
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Archetype Zero 𝕿𝖍𝖊 𝕾𝖍𝖆𝖙𝖙𝖊𝖗𝖊𝖉 𝕺𝖓𝖊

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@Nate1008 I am not the kindest of people, unfortunately. It is merely within my nature, as empathy and understanding aren't natural to my psychology. Most people are more willing to provide you with assistance, Sierra especially. He's been unreasonably understanding. But here're some of my gripes:

Did you look at the rules?
Has Sierra written to you yet?
How will they participate in the roleplay? Will they just be everyone's enemy? Where is the fun in that? Mindless murder?
What's with the research requirements? Where do they come from? Has anyone else followed that logic? What is the consistent logic of the setting?
What's with the impossibly gigantic rhinosaurus?
You have two hyperdreadnaughts? Even if you don't, why do you have an infested one? What is the infested one even? Should you have one, since you don't fill the requirements you set up yourself? Where is your internal consistency?
You are explaining a galactic presence. Should you skimp the details as much as you have been? Why are you doing that even? Is it because it is too much to write otherwise?
Did you realize all our complaints about your iterations? Sierra has been trying to help you out with unbelievable patience too, not only writing a breakdown for you, but you seemingly ignored it and made this?
How does your entity even still exist? if you want to make it seem like the existential presence of... Whatever form of infestation you want it to be, why has no one killed it yet? It isn't capable of preventing its own destruction based on information provided.
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... i read Sierra's response and made this. Also, I did look at the rules. They are going to be a common enemy here later-on. Yes they will be everyone's enemy. Its fun because i like to play as these kinds of things. Mindless murder is one of my favorite play stiles, It will take time, more time, even more time and biomass to research. YES I KNOW ABOUT THE RHINO THING! I have seen things like jaws. If its possible there, its possible here. Most of this is Sci-Fi, witch means Science Fiction. So most of this is fake and not possible in real life, so dont say anything else about my rhino. I have two TYPES of hyperdreads. One is my own factions, and the other is another factions that is now mine, but i need to research tech infestation to get that. I did not write because i was lazy, i wrote that way because i was friking tired. It was 4 something in the morning and i had not gotten any sleep because of my insomnia. Also, the Sathrican creatures were created only a few months ago since present year, and it attacked and infested DEFENSELESS OR WEAK fringe world colonies, that had bad or no communications to other colonies. Also, it infested two large ships that had accidentally drifted into an electrical storm in space, witch shut down their power, and the Sathrican took advantage of those opportunities, and infested those ships. Thank you for your criticism. I actually have something fun to do in the morning. :)
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Sierra. Sierra is more thorough than that.
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Crispy Octopus Into the fryer we go.

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@Nate1008 Individual projection on your creation is common, and taking offense for critique posed to it is a prevalent thing. You were negative to my response to your first iteration were great examples for this, and I'm sure I am not the biggest recipient of your approval, but I honestly recommend you take what I say to heart in one aspect or another.

I've said your NS has been bad this entire time, and I do not mean that as a personal attack. What you've written is merely inconsistent, does not abide by a number of rules set and established, and does not maintain thoroughness. You should not beat out something whilst you're exhausted either, and I say that as someone else with insomnia and a number of other problems that impedes my ability to think rationally. Take time, make something good and consistent, and maintain the quality demanded of this kind of roleplay. Think about what we've said, why we've said it, and improve upon what you've created.

Your inspirations are obvious, at least we all think so: tyranids, zerg, and flood. But you've produced something shallower than all of them. Science-fiction is a common franchise we're all aware of, and good science-fiction has explanations. Your rhino's entire explanation for existing is "because it exists," which isn't good. There're is no attempt at science-mumbo-jumbo, and your infested hdreadnaught isn't explained at all either, leaving us all wanting for clarification as to who's it is, how it works, and what it even is. There're also rules on ship-sizes and capabilities, skimped by yourself. "Massive" and "huge" do not work, and "planet-sized," or "planet-like" hyperdreadnaughts have already been discredited by the GM.

I'm sure Ozerath will be a lot more reasonable than myself in his eventual statements, although he is busy with numerous aspects. And fixing your bio-FTL is the least of our issues with your sheet.
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I was being honest when i said about your critique. I actually like it a little. But, the rhino. It is massive, but; i stated that it takes around 30 years for them to develop. So, you will rarely see one, in fact, i doubt you will see one at all. I just added it because i thought it might be cool to have a super unit. And the infested hyperdread. I know, you do not understand how that works. Ill simplify it. Lets just say i already have the tech for that. You have a hyperdread. I attack and somehow win. I capture your hyperdread. After a few weeks (in game), the infestation begins to spread through the ships systems. Then, the infestation will fuse with the hull, interior and systems of the ship. After that, the infestation begins to grow a brain-like organ inside the cockpit. Other organs start to form and the hyperdread becomes a living creature, breathing whatever oxygen is left inside itself, using its weapons with a little biological tweak, using almost all the tech it had before (with a little bio tweaking), adding extra Sathrican stuff inside, and starting to spawn Sathrican creatures inside of it. If you kill the Sathrican infestation source, (located somewhere inside the ship)...you will get it back, the infestation will stop and die overtime and systems regain functionality. The only difference is the fact that the ship will probably smell bad, have a few holes here and there and possibly a few system malfunctions for awhile. Besides that, you got your hyperdread back. If you cannot, or do not kill the infestation source and the ship becomes fully formed, you will never get it back. The only way is to kill it and repair the ashes. (or build a new one)...
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and the FTL......yes.....................I thought i fixed it......
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