14 Guests viewing this page
Hidden 5 yrs ago 5 yrs ago Post by Mao Mao
Raw
Avatar of Mao Mao

Mao Mao Sheriff of Pure Hearts (They/Them)

Member Seen 0-24 hrs ago

Also, I saw that some of you posted second characters. Well, it might be interesting to note that I also have a second character (even comes with its own playlist).




2x Like Like
Hidden 5 yrs ago Post by Lord Wraith
Raw
GM
Avatar of Lord Wraith

Lord Wraith Actually Three Otters in a Trenchcoat

Member Seen 9 hrs ago

Season 2 CS (need to fill in the catalogue0


Reposting TWS, will edit this depending on what webby decides regarding Cap


The Guardians look good to go, although you don't need to get approval for the updated sheets. Just wanted to make the information more readily available.

I do have some concerns with the Winter Soldier application though. We have a pretty firm no villain rule and if I'm understanding the concept correctly, it sounds as though you're intending on playing her as such. Unless I'm completely off base and she's more of an anti-hero in which case, please let me know. I'm just trying to balance precedent in such a way that it doesn't come back to bite me in the ass.

As an aside to everyone submitting secondary sheets, please remember the strain that running two characters in this type of game brings. If you feel you're going to be able to keep up and won't suffer any issues, then awesome. But if you're just looking for something different but not quite willing to let your primary go, then it might be worth reconsidering your secondary. There are very few examples of someone successfully running two characters in these games and I'd hate to see anyone burn out. After all, you're never just playing one character, you're playing a character, their allies and their foes. You are writing a complete story within a larger game, picking up a secondary means running two such stories now and managing the time for them.

Just some food for thought.
3x Thank Thank
Hidden 5 yrs ago 5 yrs ago Post by Simple Unicycle
Raw
Avatar of Simple Unicycle

Simple Unicycle ?

Member Seen 7 days ago

Hey gay lords. It's ya boi Uni, back at it again with that faceless guy.

In case this isn't obvious yes I'm dropping Blade as I said in the Discord.

3x Like Like 4x Thank Thank
Hidden 5 yrs ago Post by Byrd Man
Raw
Avatar of Byrd Man

Byrd Man El Hombre Pájaro

Member Seen 3 days ago

I hate you.
1x Thank Thank
Hidden 5 yrs ago Post by Simple Unicycle
Raw
Avatar of Simple Unicycle

Simple Unicycle ?

Member Seen 7 days ago

I hate you.


<3
1x Like Like
Hidden 5 yrs ago Post by HenryJonesJr
Raw
coGM
Avatar of HenryJonesJr

HenryJonesJr

Member Seen 2 yrs ago

Meh I’ll just wait to see if Webby decides to stick with Cap. Soldier would be a “villain” for a while so if I can’t play her like that there’s no reason to do so
Hidden 5 yrs ago Post by Bounce
Raw
Avatar of Bounce

Bounce

Member Seen 11 hrs ago

Meh I’ll just wait to see if Webby decides to stick with Cap. Soldier would be a “villain” for a while so if I can’t play her like that there’s no reason to do so


As an alternative, you could always pick up with her Walking the Line or such, and use flashbacks or the present narrative to detail her past as a villain.

That's pretty much what I've done with Toyboy.
1x Like Like
Hidden 5 yrs ago Post by Lord Wraith
Raw
GM
Avatar of Lord Wraith

Lord Wraith Actually Three Otters in a Trenchcoat

Member Seen 9 hrs ago





I'm going to go ahead and approve both of these primary swaps.
2x Thank Thank
Hidden 5 yrs ago Post by Roman
Raw
Avatar of Roman

Roman Grumpy Toad / King of Dirt

Member Seen 1 hr ago

I just wanna say 301 IC posts is fucking crazy and is the longest IC of any game I have ever participated in.

I am never going to get through reading all of this shit.

Congrats guys. Big hype for Season 2.

3x Like Like
Hidden 5 yrs ago Post by Retired
Raw
Avatar of Retired

Retired "Hayao Miyazaki"

Member Seen 0-24 hrs ago

I am never going to get through reading all of this shit.


Psh, you better. I was promised a review.
Hidden 5 yrs ago Post by Byrd Man
Raw
Avatar of Byrd Man

Byrd Man El Hombre Pájaro

Member Seen 3 days ago

Decided I'd make Thursday noir day going forward.
1x Like Like
Hidden 5 yrs ago 5 yrs ago Post by HenryJonesJr
Raw
coGM
Avatar of HenryJonesJr

HenryJonesJr

Member Seen 2 yrs ago

Okay...after some reworking of my concept...here's the start of something

2x Like Like 1x Thank Thank
Hidden 5 yrs ago Post by Admiral Moskau
Raw
Avatar of Admiral Moskau

Admiral Moskau An Admiral of the Binary Seas

Member Seen 5 yrs ago

Decided I'd make Thursday noir day going forward.


Finally, good news.
1x Thank Thank
Hidden 5 yrs ago Post by Roman
Raw
Avatar of Roman

Roman Grumpy Toad / King of Dirt

Member Seen 1 hr ago

@Hillan, as promised.

-A few minor grammatical errors, mostly around the use of apostrophes, and the sentences can feel a little awkward and stilted at times. Watch your repetition and your syntax; break up your dialogue with a new line for each speaker. The storytelling is sound but there is an occasional stumble that pulls the reader out of it. Of course, this may very well be due to english not being your native language.

-Eobard’s characterization is exceptional. I especially enjoy how well you portray a man who knows the future yet plays along with the story. It’s an interesting meta-narrative of sorts, and it’s entertaining. It isn’t often the audience shares their dramatic irony with the characters in the story.

-Post 4/5, ‘Blur’, look up Vantablack. Thank me later. The villain is interesting. I don’t have much knowledge about Flash’s rogues beyond the obvious and what the show utilized, so it’s fun having you present someone/something I have zero preconceptions about as your first antagonist.

-While I enjoy the use of the wider rogues and their ability to surprise Thawne - Thawne’s hubris, by the way, is riveting to read and thoroughly enjoyable - the pacing feels too fast, even for a Flash story. We go from Thawne defeating his first rogue, which was an anomaly in itself that’s never really addressed, to being accosted by arguably Flash’s 4 biggest rogues in one night and offing one of them in the process. It feels off putting somewhat.

-Thawne’s motivation pivot from ‘I’m better than Barry’ to ‘I love Nora’ is the start of a beautiful redemption story and maybe the first time we can feel sympathy for this man who is otherwise violent, arrogant, sociopathic, and fuelled by hatred. It’s a lovely turning point in Thawne’s development, and it’s such a shame that there were zero hints or nods or vague foreshadowing or brief exploration of the depth of Thawne’s character before this entrapment. It’s clear there’s an internal battle between the man who survived on hatred and the man who wanted to love, and I really, really want to see more of it.

-All in all it’s an entertaining story that sometimes can be difficult to read with a few out-of-the-blue character turns. Fun, but missing finesse. Feels like perhaps you’re flying by the seat of your pants a tad? If you haven’t already, try a skeleton for your plot direction and use that as a reference tool.
1x Thank Thank
Hidden 5 yrs ago Post by Hillan
Raw
Avatar of Hillan

Hillan I'm a writer - Lying's what we do.

Member Seen 10 hrs ago

@Hillan, as promised.

-A few minor grammatical errors, mostly around the use of apostrophes, and the sentences can feel a little awkward and stilted at times. Watch your repetition and your syntax; break up your dialogue with a new line for each speaker. The storytelling is sound but there is an occasional stumble that pulls the reader out of it. Of course, this may very well be due to english not being your native language.

-Eobard’s characterization is exceptional. I especially enjoy how well you portray a man who knows the future yet plays along with the story. It’s an interesting meta-narrative of sorts, and it’s entertaining. It isn’t often the audience shares their dramatic irony with the characters in the story.

-Post 4/5, ‘Blur’, look up Vantablack. Thank me later. The villain is interesting. I don’t have much knowledge about Flash’s rogues beyond the obvious and what the show utilized, so it’s fun having you present someone/something I have zero preconceptions about as your first antagonist.

-While I enjoy the use of the wider rogues and their ability to surprise Thawne - Thawne’s hubris, by the way, is riveting to read and thoroughly enjoyable - the pacing feels too fast, even for a Flash story. We go from Thawne defeating his first rogue, which was an anomaly in itself that’s never really addressed, to being accosted by arguably Flash’s 4 biggest rogues in one night and offing one of them in the process. It feels off putting somewhat.

-Thawne’s motivation pivot from ‘I’m better than Barry’ to ‘I love Nora’ is the start of a beautiful redemption story and maybe the first time we can feel sympathy for this man who is otherwise violent, arrogant, sociopathic, and fuelled by hatred. It’s a lovely turning point in Thawne’s development, and it’s such a shame that there were zero hints or nods or vague foreshadowing or brief exploration of the depth of Thawne’s character before this entrapment. It’s clear there’s an internal battle between the man who survived on hatred and the man who wanted to love, and I really, really want to see more of it.

-All in all it’s an entertaining story that sometimes can be difficult to read with a few out-of-the-blue character turns. Fun, but missing finesse. Feels like perhaps you’re flying by the seat of your pants a tad? If you haven’t already, try a skeleton for your plot direction and use that as a reference tool.


Thanks buddy. I do agree with all of the critique. Some of the pieces aren't putting themselves together properly. Though, I changed from Thawne seemingly struggling with handling Shade, to him dealing with the brunt of the Rogues with great ease on purpose. He knows the Rogue's playbooks inside and out. He's fought them, he's used them, he's lead them and he's killed them all time and time before. But, I guess I've not been quite able to hit the mark in that regard.

I do know about Vantablack. Good times, really cool stuff. I was gonna go into a deeper explanation about Shade's powers from Cisco and Doctor Wells, but I felt that was coming off far too CW-y for my taste. The entire point of Thawne being Flash is that he does not need 'quarterbacking'. He's already (Or at least thinks) he's smarter than everyone else. Which, of course, is gonna end up biting him in his ass. Though, there'll be more opportunity for explanation of Shade's powers in the future.

As for foreshadowing his relationship with Nora, I've thrown in some lines in earlier posts that hints at it, but they're pretty vague and might not make a lot of direct sense.

I think the pacing issues are largely due to the fact that the majority of my posts are written at 4 AM when I have class at 8.
Thanks for the feedback buddy, always appreciated.
Hidden 5 yrs ago Post by Retired
Raw
Avatar of Retired

Retired "Hayao Miyazaki"

Member Seen 0-24 hrs ago

This post was not my best, I admit. I needed to transition from the group as individual strangers to the start of a cohesive group, align their goals, and also get several important bits of information out for them to all know. This definitely was not the smoothest example of such a transition. I knew it was going to be fairly dialogue heavy, so I also didn't want to go heavy into exposition as I normally do because I felt it would stretch on for too long. Which, while not necessarily a bad thing, I don't think was what this post needed, either.

Anyway. Just saying, I know the quality wasn't entirely up to snuff. Hopefully, the overall substance of the plot and arc makes up for it.
Hidden 5 yrs ago Post by HenryJonesJr
Raw
coGM
Avatar of HenryJonesJr

HenryJonesJr

Member Seen 2 yrs ago

I can haz approval?
Hidden 5 yrs ago Post by Enarr
Raw
Avatar of Enarr

Enarr

Member Seen 0-24 hrs ago

@HenryJonesJr I know it literally has no value most of the time, but you have my approval.
Hidden 5 yrs ago Post by Lord Wraith
Raw
GM
Avatar of Lord Wraith

Lord Wraith Actually Three Otters in a Trenchcoat

Member Seen 9 hrs ago

I can haz approval?


Just waiting for Gowi to weigh in on the GM Chat.
Hidden 5 yrs ago Post by Lord Wraith
Raw
GM
Avatar of Lord Wraith

Lord Wraith Actually Three Otters in a Trenchcoat

Member Seen 9 hrs ago

@Star Lord and @HenryJonesJr, Punisher and Booster have been approved for Season 2
2x Thank Thank
↑ Top
14 Guests viewing this page
© 2007-2024
BBCode Cheatsheet