The early morning hours
Are for those who can't sleep
Because their minds are alive
With words for someone
Who isn't there.

Weeping behind hands held
To cover their shame.
To forget someone who left.

The early morning hours
Are not for lovers
Asleep in each other's arms
Until the warmth of the sun
Is cast upon their faces.

It is for the lonely.
The ones who are in love
With the loved.

Sometimes this coffin
Is suffocating,
But then there is
Your absence.

I have come
To the realization
That you weren't
The one who
Wrecked me,
Ruined me,
Or destroyed me.

It was all of
My own doing.
My own paranoia.
My own fucked outlook.
Because only I
Have the power
To do that

There are times
I wish I could take
The colors from the rainbow
And place them in your heart
So you can remember
What beauty felt like.

If only I could
Take the glaciers
Of the great Artic
And place them
Within your soul
To extinguish
The brush fires
Of fear and anxiety.

I wish you could see
The world through my eyes
Instead of the black and white
Filter you've reserved for yourself.

One of the
Most difficult
Battles I face
Each day
Is between
What I know
And what I feel.

And each day
I have to
Remind myself
Not to allow
My emotions
To overpower

I am tired.
Not for a lack
Of rest though.
I've had my
coffee.

It's something deeper.
Something inherently
Present in the fibers
Of my skin, in the tendons,
In my eyes.

I am exhausted.
Fatigued by life,
By both the noise
And the silence.
The people and
The Empty rooms.
The light and dark.
By hope and despair.

So worn down
by the world,
That nothing in it
Can refresh my mind
From the constant
Buzzing.

I am tired,
And there are
Not enough hours
In the night for
The rest I need.

You walked
Into My life
Like you
Had always
Been there.

Like my heart
Was a home
Built just

A human with a voice
That makes the mountains
Move at her command.

She is a person
With the strength
To carry the stars.

And when she is
Doubted by others,
She laughs and lifts
The universe with
One hand.

The beautiful thing
About self love
Is you can wear it
Like a dress
That becomes
More exquisite
As time passes.

Nobody knows it's empty,
The smile that I wear.
The real one is left behind in the past
Because I left you there.

Nobody knows I am crying.
They won't even see my tears.
When they think I am laughing,
I wish you were here.

Nobody knows it's painful.
They think that I am strong.
They say it won't kill me,
But I wonder if they are wrong.

Nobody knows I miss you.
They think I am all set free,
But I feel like I am bound with chains,
Trapped in the mystery.

Nobody knows I need you.
They think I can do it on my own,
But they don't know I am crying
When I am all alone.

I felt her fade away
Like the fog dissipated
By the howling wind,
They couldn't see her
Crying out for help
Even though she was
Starting to break and bend.

She always felt like a misfit
As if somehow she was misplaced.
It was as if everything
About her had been erased.


I do remember that she
Would light up a room
And make everyone smile,
She was there but somehow
Became invisible after awhile.

I can barley recall a single
Thing about her now,
If life was her stage
Then she took her final bow.

Who was she?

A reflection tells me.

It's the people
In your life,
Who want you
In theirs.

The ones who
Accept you,
For who you are.

The ones who
Would do anything
To see you smile.

The ones who
Love you
No matter what...

Get dressed, love.
You're going to be late.
You look at yourself in the mirror,
The one you really hate.

Put it down, love.
It's caused you so much pain.
You're going to do damage.
You don't want to be called insane.

Stand up, love.
Your tears make you weak.
Wipe off that black mascara,
Proof of sadness upon your cheek.

Take your pills, love.
You must try your very best.
Forget about your dizzy spells,
The tightening in your chest.

Chin up, love.
No one can know your thoughts.
You must act like you're happy
While your heart just sits and rots.

Smile a little, love.
Let me see those pearly whites.
No one has to know
What you thought about all those nights.

Breathe for me, love.
Your pain won't be forever.
Take my hand, and I'll take yours.
We'll get through this together.

I catch myself staring
at nothing really.

Just the blank walls
And the rigid ceiling
Wondering what i am doing here.

When did it come to this?
How did I lose myself?

Listening to the wind whistle.
It's as angry and confused as I am.
Not knowing which way to go.

I hear the sadness in the trees.
The screams of agony inside of me.

My chest tightens and I hold back
The tears because I am stronger
Than this depression.

Wondering how did I lose myself
within these four walls?

I can't find me.
Every fiber of my being only
wants to run and scream.

One small window,
I look to escape the sadness.
One door, my way to freedom.

This house. It's like a small prison.
To stay for much longer...
I need a better reason.
Every inch of my body spreads
like a wildfire.

I eat because...
What else do you do
When your body craves attention
And your mind is going to waste
And your love is forever fading
And yourself you end up hating?

When did I lose myself?
I look in the mirror and I don't see me.
What happens when me hates myself
and myself hates I and I hate me?
Where do you go from there?

I need help
Who is this person that's
staring back at me? Unheard of
unwanted, unneeded, unsafe.

Who cares about what she feels
What she thinks
What she wants
What she loves
What she needs.
She doesn't love herself
How can she love anyone else?

She's sitting in a room in a house
on a street in a town where she's
not wanted and she knows that.

I feel weak.
I feel strong.
I feel beat down
and determined.

Weak in my mind
But strong in my spirit.
Beat down by life
but determined to win.

Don't call youself a loser
Because that's not what you are
In my eyes and in my heart,
You're a shining shooting star.

You are perfect and loving,
The flower that always blooms.
Even when you're stuck in dirt,
Your petals gleam amongst the moon.

Don't give up the grueling fight
This is what you've known and done
Don't keep beating on your head,
Strike the pain until you've won.

Don't suffer or be angry
Thank God for this great chance
To show them you don't just sing
But steal the spotlight when you dance.

Not myself, anyone but myself.
Living in a fantasy to bury the reality,
Making myself the mystery,
A strong facade disguising the misery.

Empty, but beyond the point of emptiness,
Full to brim with fake confidence,
A guard that will never be broken,
Because I broke a long time ago.

I’m hurting but don’t tell anyone.
No one needs to know.
Don’t show or you’ve failed.
Always okay, always fine, always on show.
The show must go on.
It will never stop.

The show must not go on,
But I know it will.

I give up. I give up giving up.

I am lost.

I don’t need to be saved,
I need to be found.

I have died a thousand deaths
at the hand of my own mother.
People used to tell me that I had
to feel something, I had to love her.

Fuck what other people say.
What do they know?

If it were only the physical
That left scars, but no.
She would not dare
Touch me with violence.

Verbal and mental
Was her weapon of choice.
Something crippling enough
To strip me of my own voice.

To be angry wasn't enough.
To draw blood was too easy.
Her tactics went much deeper.

Blind, naked, and uncontrollable trembling.

Drowning me. Suffocating me.
Are you okay? What's wrong? Why cant you say?

You're a fake, just afraid.
You're not pretty, just looking for pity.

Anti-social and awkward?
Now THATS a first.

Do you have ANY idea how it feels?
Constantly terrified that you'll judge me?
Disapprove? Laugh?

I'm overwhelmed, in pain.
Trying to fight back,
But in vain.

All I can do is look away.
What do you want me to say?

Incoherent words
Are all I can say,
But you don't care.

I'm a freak,
But you think its ATTENTION I seek?

I fall deeper every second
Into the never-ending abyss of loneliness.

But its fine.

I guess I'll just make up friends of mine.