Hidden 4 yrs ago 4 yrs ago Post by Hellion
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Hellion Nulla Dies / Sine Linea

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How is it so easy for you to walk out of my life?
How is it possible your words are sharper than any knife?

Why do you tell me I'm faking?
Why do you never give but continue taking?

What is going on inside of your head, that lies about us are all you speak of?
What is so satisfying about hurting the ones you claim to love?
Hidden 4 yrs ago Post by Hellion
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Hellion Nulla Dies / Sine Linea

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I was trapped, immobilized.
I was completely paralyzed.

Behind me were my restrained arms,
So I couldn't cause any harm.

Claustrophobia overtook my mind,
Making my sanity unwind.

My chest felt restricted and tight,
I'd been trapped here all day and night.

My eyes darted around this space,
My heart rate beginning to race.

Nothing around me but empty white,
Just plain, bare walls, a sickening sight.

I felt like I couldn't breathe,

Hidden 4 yrs ago Post by Hellion
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Hellion Nulla Dies / Sine Linea

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You tell me to quiet down
Because my opinions
Make me less beautiful.

But I was not made with
A fire in my belly
So I could so easily
Be snuffed out.

I was not made with
A lightness in my tongue
So I could be easily
Swallowed.

I was made heavy.
Half blade. Half silk.
Difficult to forget
But not easy for
the mind to follow.
Hidden 4 yrs ago Post by Hellion
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Hellion Nulla Dies / Sine Linea

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Anxiety is a carnivorous beast
Anxiety grips onto you and doesn’t let go, digging its fangs in
Anxiety has painful fangs
Anxiety has claws (retractable)
Anxiety sits on the edge of a table, meowing morosely
Anxiety digs its claws in when it doesn’t want to do something
Anxiety reminds you it needs feeding
Anxiety hisses, bites and scratches
Anxiety eats ferociously, draining you.
Anxiety gives you disdainful looks
Anxiety reminds you it needs feeding
Anxiety has tiny fangs
Anxiety reminds you again it needs feeding
Anxiety looks down at you with its hairy body from the top shelf
Anxiety will sit with you, out of spite
Anxiety is only doing so to remind you he needs feeding
Anxiety might fall asleep
Anxiety might bite your hand while you fall asleep, he needs food
Anxiety is fed
Anxiety might possibly maybe if you-are-really-very-nice allow you to pet him.

Anxiety falls asleep.
You fall asleep.
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Hidden 4 yrs ago Post by Hellion
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Hellion Nulla Dies / Sine Linea

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Why do we
care more about the way others see us
than the way we see ourselves?

Why does she
stand in the mirror crying,
feeling conflicted, distraught, overwhelmed?

Why does he
bend himself over backwards,
to show others that he's accomplished?

Why do we
watch what we say, keep appearances,
to hide the fact we're impoverished?

Why do we
listen to all of their criticism,
while tossing aside our self-praise?

Why does she
feel her efforts will never be
enough to draw in their gaze?

Why does he
have to give up all that he loves,
just to do something they find "acceptable"?

Why do we
make changes for these people who,
no matter will always be skeptical?

Why do we
ignore what's in our hearts
just to listen to all of this scorn?

Why can't she
look at herself and be proud
and know in her heart that she is adored?

Why can't he
enjoy the path that he's chosen
and know in his heart that it's the right one?

Why can't we
shut out all this white noise
and tell ourselves that we are done -

Done being beaten down, criticized, belittled?
Done with their fickle words, done being crippled
by what they think is right, what they think is best,
when we're the only ones who really understand the feelings inside of our chest.

The ones that tell us that we are enough,
that we are beautiful, that we are tough.
That we are allowed to reach and take hold of
what makes us happy, to do what we love.

But we don't. So she...
Still stands in front of the mirror,
hands tracing down her form,
tear running down her cheek as their words echo:
"Just another ten pounds or more."

So he...
Puts down his pen with a sigh
and tucks his manuscript away,
to put on his black suit and tie:
"You've got real money to make today."

So we...
Go another day struggling
underneath this unbearable weight,
Thinking: "When will it ever be enough?"
Resigning ourselves to a fate...

That we never wanted for ourselves.
Hidden 4 yrs ago Post by Hellion
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Hellion Nulla Dies / Sine Linea

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Of ink and paper.

You are still here.
I know it,
And feel it all the time.

Today I see it clearly.
A small card found in your desk.
To me...

Both written and signed
Months before you were taken away
From this world.

You knew you were leaving.

And you knew me.

The way I would feel.
The things that I would need.
What would make my day
Bearable, and knowing too,
what would break it apart.

A giving tree full of love,
Emerged from words
Written of the heart.

Like a lovingly planted warm embrace,
That surrounds and binds me...
To the here and now,
And gives me strength,
To live until then.

Seven years it has been.
My rock. My warmth.
Merry Christmas Dad.
Hidden 3 yrs ago Post by Hellion
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Hellion Nulla Dies / Sine Linea

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Standing on the broken cement of the back porch
silently staring into the skies
and talking to myself

Fingers struggling to keep appearances
windshield wipers across my cheek
watercolors gone white

Flippant, fanatical, furious
patient, protective, passionate
trying to love the beast

Sending dreams to the clean ears of the open air
returned quickly, clutched in your mouth, crushed
presented for reward

Dead birds delivered to my doorstep
my nature wants to heal them, bury them
yours waits and wags its tail
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