Dean listened to Esme stammer, her awkward guilt causing his heart to hurt. He felt as if he had caused all of this with his stupidity and his inability to let people go, once he opened up to them. He squeezed her knee tightly when she started to talk about his death, and simply shook his head. Even though she broke the sentence off herself, he felt the need to almost give her permission to not talk about it, yet.

“Well you’re here. And…”, when she stepped off the hood of the car, he stared at her intently, pulling his hand back to his hip and shook his head at her words, “There’s not going to be anything that is bad enough to push you out of here, alright? I want to know that you’re safe, and…I’ll keep things not strained, if it will make you stay. I know you want to.”

He leaned in close to her ear and whispered, “And I know that you want to figure out where we should stand. So, just give me a chance to help.”

He didn’t want to say the last words to her, where either of the other girls could hear him. He knew Mika wouldn’t take things well, if she overheard them. Like clockwork, as he was thinking about her reaction she chimed in about the riding situation, looking at Esme.

“We could take the Impala, but that might just make things worse…”, he whispered to her, turning to Mika and Nat, “Let’s go. I need a drink, what about you girls?”

He stepped up to Mika, placing a careful hand on the small of her back and kissing her temple, trying to form a sort of truce before they got to where they were going. He held his hand up high, “I’m riding shotgun!”

—-

As they arrived at the bar, after the silent ride, Dean quickly got out of the front seat, and stepped around to open Mika’s door, holding a hand out to her. Rusty’s looked ultra busy tonight, but it also looked like the perfect place for limited talking, and limited communication in general. He fully planned to go inside, make a few hundred dollars in pool, and get drunk enough to forget this night had ever happened, resurrected or not.



Anna smirked, relieved to see Sam acting more like the sweet Sam she hadn’t really met for long. She rubbed both her wrists with a small hiss of pain, and turned toward the bowl, “Im thinking I might need help getting the blood out of my hair, to be honest. I’m drenched…I felt it in the cold outside.”

She pulled her shirt over her head and tossed it heavily on the ground, the blood sticky and causing it to ‘slap’ on the concrete. Her shirt had soaked through so badly that her skin was lightly tinted in a faint pink color. She then shoved her jeans down, and onto the floor, stepping out of them with her hands out.

“Sam…you’re not some pervert. You’re just helping me…besides…”, she held her hands out in front of her, with her teeth chattering at the detox chills and showed him her shaky hands, “I don’t have the best control over my body, at the moment.”

Esme tried not to stare at Dean as he answered her. She almost sighed heavily at his words as she listened. His words falling on her heavily. She knew he wanted to make sure she was safe. She could feel it. Back when they were together, he always wanted to keep her safe and out of harms way. But how would he keep things from becoming strained? It seemed like a lot for him to put on his shoulders to her. And he was also right. She wanted to stay and not go it alone anymore. It was becoming too hard to keep going on her own, especially when others didn’t quite understand her and dodged her like a plague.

When he leaned in close, she almost pulled away from him, but listened anyway. He was right yet again. She did want to figure out where they should stand. “Alright.” she whispered back, feeling she couldn’t get out of it. He had done it to her once again, making it where she couldn’t say no to him even if she knew it would probably be the better idea. She also understood why he had whispered that part to her, he didn’t want the other two women to overhear and have Mika react. Her attention moved from Dean to Mika as she spoke up then back to Dean as he whispered.

“That would be playing with fire.” she said in a soft whisper. Esme then looked back to Mika and Natalia and gave a nod to Dean’s question. “I need a drink as well.” She walked back up to her car and grabbed the journal off the hood of it, then looked back at Mika with a small smile. “Thank you for your offer.” Her tone was soft as she spoke, she then walked around to the passenger side of her car and opened the door, then opened the glove box and put the journal back in it. She closed it and the car door and locked the car doors.
______________

The ride to the bar was uncomfortably silent and gave her too much time to think over things. When they arrived, she quickly exited the car and looked around. The place was packed, but that didn’t really bother her since it would make talking harder. She just wanted to get a few drinks in her, play some pool, and maybe a few rounds of darts. She closed the car door and stepped away from the car ready to head inside and drown everything that had gone on the past couple of days.

Dean stepped forward toward the door of Rusty's reaching his hand out and touching the handle. He lowered his head for a second, and turned to the girls, his eyes first falling on Esme. There was a pit in his stomach, a pit that had been there since the day they parted. Things were so good. Things were almost perfect, and he made a mistake, that ruined everything. Just a few words and she practically ran from him.

But when he came to her, he was so broken. He was drunk, banged up, and actively trying to convince anyone that would have him...to kill him. Before he could succeed, she brought him in, gave him a safe ear and a warm bed. If it was possible in life, to have more than one great love...Esme was one of two. It's why his heart was so torn.

As he chewed on his lip, he thought back to the good times. One scene, in particular, played over in his mind, like a vivid movie. He almost knew that if Mika could have just seen (outside of the more illicit memories) how Esme kept him safe from himself, and from hurting others, she might understand.

------------
Ravenden, Arkansas - 5 years earlier

Dean sat with a small groan, glad to finally be off his feet for the day. The hunt he and Esme had been on was exhausting, and even though it was open and shut, he felt like they had walked for miles.

Shaking himself out of a tired haze, he looked up at her and smirked, "You know, I've been around you now for a while...and you still impress me, every day?"

He pulled her onto his lap with a small laugh and leaned in for a kiss, butterflies still coming up in his stomach when their lips touched. This was the happiest moment Dean Winchester could remember in a long time, on the road, with someone he cared about...no worries. Just hunting, and spending time together.

Esme stood close by Dean as he sat down. She was exhausted, but still felt wired at the same time as the events played out in her mind. Even if it had been open and shut, it had taken more out her than she expected. His voice pulled her out of her thoughts and brought a bright smile to her lips.

“I impress you? How could I possibly do that?” she asked in mock surprise. When he pulled her into his lap, she couldn't stop the laugh that followed. She put an arm around his neck, resting her hand on his shoulder and her other hand rested on his chest. When he leaned in for a kiss, she hesitated briefly, feeling her own butterflies in her stomach, before closing the gap by brushing her nose against his and kissing him back.

Dean didn't answer right away, just enjoying their closeness as he kissed her, and then pulled back, brushing his nose against hers with a sweet smile on his lips. Just the touch of skin was like a magnet, when he was stressed, or when he got lost in her thoughts.

"The fact that you don't know...", he scoffed, "The way you handle yourself on a hunt, but are absolutely calm and collected when we're home. It impresses me. I wish I could be more like that."

It was true. Every time they came back to the motel, he couldn't help but notice how calm they both seemed around each other. His rage wasn't as much of an issue, and honestly, he was getting used to the new constant.

Esme sighed softly into the kiss, taking in the closeness and calm that washed over her. She knew it sounded silly, but this was when she felt the most content and calm. With his arms around her and his lips against hers, how could she not? When he pulled back, she almost chased after his kiss, not wanting it to end.

A smile returned to her lips as his nose brushed her, and she saw his sweet smile. “That truly impresses you?” she grinned. She closed her eyes and shook her head softly before opening them again. “You want to know a secret?” she asked him in a whisper. She hesitated for effect, not really expecting him to say yes or no. “It’s because I’m returning with you.” she confessed.

“If I were doing this on my own, I don’t think I’d be so calm and collected.” She gazed into his eyes to show him she really meant it. Not to mention, she strived to be that way so he wouldn’t worry about her. She then slid her hand from his chest up to rest on his cheek. “You’re getting there. A little more work and you’ll have it.” she smiled as she stroked his cheek with her thumb.

Dean smiled even brighter at her question, and nodded, kissing her chin. He raised his eyebrows and pulled his head back to look at her when she confessed that he was her reason for her feeling safe and calm. He had always seen her as the reason he was able to handle himself, outside of just killing and being angry.

He had never seen herself as her calm. He looked into her eyes, scanning between each of them carefully, before letting his eyes flutter closed at her touch, with a gasp, “It just feels good to not feel…mad all the time. I can relate. I wouldn’t be alive, if it weren’t for you, if I’m being honest.”

He hated the words leaving his mouth, as he felt that they made him seem weak, but he felt the need to finally tell her.

Esme had watched his reaction as she confessed what she had been hiding from him. It wasn’t something she had fully planned on doing, but his reaction couldn’t have been better. It seemed that all this time they had been each other's calm, and it filled her heart with joy and she smiled. She then watched as his eyes fluttered shut and gasped at her touch, making her smile even more.

“I know it does. You don’t know how much it hurt seeing you like that.” she whispered as she stroked his cheek again. She then leaned in and placed her forehead on his when he said he was alive because of her. “You give me too much credit.” she whispered, closing her eyes. She knew it was something for him to tell her that, thinking she’d think him weak, but she thought the opposite.

Dean let out a shuddered sigh, and shook his head, "No. You don't get enough credit..."

Rolling his forehead against hers, he brushed his nose by hers, and kissed her deeply. After a few seconds of the kiss, he stood carefully from the chair, not pulling away from her, and picked her up.

He ran over to the bed with a giggle against her lips and threw her onto the mattress...

-----

Dean shook himself from the memory, and smiled warmly toward Esme with a sigh. He then turned to face Mika, walking over and opening her car door, offering his arm to her.

"Need a hand?", he asked her sweetly.

What Dean didn't know, was Cupid was placing an arrow into his bow...and the arrow was not aimed in the direction any of them had hoped. The cherub sat on top of Rusty's roof, tears still in his eyes from the scene earlier in the night. He wanted to get this one right. He took aim at Dean again, placing his bounty with a delay, for the right...time...

MIKA CHAMBERS AND NATALIA WINCHESTER

As Dean got close to Esme to whisper to her, Mika found her just looking away, finding right now it was best to not just look for her own sanity. Natalia placed a comforting hand on her shoulder as she did so, hoping that her brother knew what he was doing, but this was Dean and she really wasn't sure if he did know. "I definitely need a drink" Natalia agreed, whilst Mika just gave a nod and little huff as her answer.

With the decision made that they'd all ride in Mika's own 1966 impala, she looked back at everyone before Dean came over and placed a hand on the small of her back, kissing her temple. She savoured the touch before half smirking at Dean declaring he was riding shotgun. The declaration made by him actually gave her a sense of relief as she did not want Esme and Dean in the back seat together as that would just worry her massively the whole time. At least this way Nat could act as the truce wall between them all.

She and Natalia both walked to Mika's car with Dean and Esme, getting into the driver's side after unlocking the doors and letting everyone else in. With all the usual stages, she drove to Rusty's in town. As everyone felt, the drive was painful emotionally and incredibly quiet. Not even Nat gave her usual quips when she rode as a passenger to break the tension as not even she knew what to say.

Reaching Rusty's she found a parking spot in the back lot, let everyone get out first as she grabbed the car keys to shove into her jacket pocket as Dean seemed to jog round and open her door for her. She could tell that he was trying so hard to make things right, or at least...keep things right between them whilst Esme was around and if these actions meant she could remain close to him over the night then she'd take them. "Thanks" she said, taking his hand and stepping out of the car, closing her door behind her and locking the car in the process.

She then wrapped her arm through his, holding onto his arm, as she sometimes liked to do, even if it wasn't as common as her simply holding his hand.

"Bobby says to tell Jessica to put our drinks on his tab by the way, so lets get inside and try and get a table" Natalia spoke up clapping her hands together, wondering if Mika's actions were partly a case of showing who was with Dean in this moment.

SAM WINCHESTER

At Annabeth saying she would need help getting the blood out of her hair, he sighed nodding. He just didn't want her thinking he was going to take some kind of adventage of her, like he partly did with Ruby unknowing to the rest of the group. "Right" he commented, as he glanced away just long enough for her to change, hearing the slap of her clothing hitting the hard concrete floor.

Seeing her getting the withdrawal shakes, he knew she had a valid point, so he grabbed one of the face cloths that Nat brought down and dunked into it the water, stepping round to behind her. He pulled the chair that was by the desk to her, gesturing for her to sit down and once she was sat down on the chair, he started using the cloth to try and wash the blood out of her hair, seeing how tinted her skin was and feeling that she coiuld be so much better than this.

"I uhh, I'm sorry. I just wanna do right by you this time round...that's all" he told her.

Esme tried to not make eye contact with anyone after she got out of Mika’s car. She even tried to not watch Dean as he made his way to the door of Rusty’s, but when she felt his eyes on her, she looked up, meeting his gaze. She felt a little uncomfortable with the way he was looking at her, but could see that he was remembering something. What it was, she couldn’t be sure, but figured it had to be something about them from their time together. She dropped her gaze to the ground as he chewed on his lip, trying to keep from going down memory lane herself.

She couldn’t let herself get lost in the memories, not now. Even if she had dwelled on them not too long ago and after hearing of his death. If she allowed herself to dwell on them right now, she would surely become more of a mess than she already was. She needed to keep herself as calm as she could, even if it was hard to do. After a moment, she lifted her gaze just as Dean smiled warmly at her, which she gave a small one in return. When he went to Mika, she looked at the door of the bar as she waited for everyone to get ready to go inside.

She sighed as she ran a hand through her hair, hoping that their time here wouldn’t turn into a complete disaster and would go smoothly. Then again, she knew it was a lot to ask for with everything that had gone on the last few days, but she could still dream about it going smoothly for all their sakes. Here lately, none of them had caught a break from everything raining down on them. A slight break would actually be nice.

Dean smiled softly to Mika, wrapping her arm up in his as they stepped into the bar. It was a lot more crowded than he had originally thought, but everyone seemed spread out, in their own little groups.

“Hey, guys! Dean!”, Jess called out to them the second they came through. Dean’s face lit up into a toothy grin as she threw her arms around his shoulders, “It’s good to see you! Bobby’s already called with his tab open, and it’s karaoke night! So, have fun, and I’ll be here if you need anything. Good to see you, Mika.”

Jess leaned forward and kissed Mika on the cheek, before bouncing away to grab some beers off the counter and deliver them.

—————
The night went on pretty smoothly. He had managed to get all three of the girls laughing, and talking. They had a fair amount of alcohol in them, and the night just seemed…better.

After a bit, Esme had mentioned wanting some space, and decided to go and play some pool, as the crowd thinned out inside the bar. Dean regularly stared over at her, just to make sure she hadn’t run away from him, while also keeping his conversation light and happy with the other two girls, his hand gently resting on Mika’s thigh under the table.

However, as Jess brought them another round of drinks, she began chirping over a microphone, “So, we have a guy here who is a beast at karaoke! He’s a good friend of mine, and if you guys pressure him enough, maybe he will sing for us?”

Dean shook his head with a laugh, taking his drink from her and blushing as the crowd cheered.

“C’mon. Please?”

“Really?”, Dean asked her, glancing back at Mika. He was half terrified that he would start singing and whatever force had taken him over earlier in the night would rear its head. He wasn’t wrong. His eyes softened as he stared at Mika, and then directly over her head, his eyes still appearing to stare into Mika’s, “Alright fine. One song!”

“YAY! I know just the song…”, Jess said with a boop on Dean’s nose, stepping back over to the computer. She softened her gaze at the screen, as Cupid took over her hands, and played a specific song.

Dean stood from the table, rolling his sleeves up and walked up to the stage carefully, standing in front of the microphone. The music started before he was ready, but as he listened to the intro, his eyes once again fell on Esme’s, but appeared to fall onto Mikas.



“So young and full of runnin’. Tell me where is that taking me? Just a great figure eight or a tiny infinity? Love is really nothing, but a dream that keeps waking me. From all of my trying, we still end up dying. How can it be?”, he sang, his eyes almost melting into Esme’s against his will, but not entirely. They were words he had wanted to tell her since the day she left him, it just took a supernatural force to demand it of him.

“Don’t say a word. Just come over and lie here with me. Cause I’m just about to set fire to everything I see…”, he sang about his anger issues, begging for her to help him deal with them again, “I want you so bad I’ll go back on the things I believe. There I just said it, I’m scared you’ll forget about me…”

He fought a tear as it fell over his nose, and closed his eyes.

“So young and full of running, all the way to the edge of desire. Steady my breathing, silently screaming ‘I have to have you now’. Wired and I’m tired. Think I’ll sleep in my clothes on the floor or maybe this mattress will spin on its axis and find me on yours…”, he opened his eyes and stared back over at Esme, prepared to run off the stage at any second.

“Don’t say a word. Just come over and lie here with me. Cause I’m just about to set fire to everything I see. I want you so bad, I’ll go back on the things I believe…there I just said it. I’m scared you’ll forget about me…”

Dean had to break off, staring out at Esme with tears in his eyes. As if Cupid was having mercy on him, the music slowed to a stop and the lights went back to normal, before the people around them in the bar slowly began to clap. Wiping his face, he took a deep breath…



Anna sat down in the chair in front of Sam, her entire body shaking and jerking against the touches to her hair. She let her eyes flutter shut as he ran the cloth against her scalp, thankful to be getting rid of all the blood she had unfortunately been covered in.

She shook her head, however, “Sam. At this point, I’m here to stay, unless I die in here. You’ll do right by me, by just…being.”

She teared up a bit as she saw a few of the droplets of red water flow down her arms from her hair, “I’m sorry I came back like this. I shouldn’t have gone with them, but we didn’t have a choice, and I…I didn’t want to leave you alone, thinking that you had done anything wrong. You’ve done nothing, but try and help me. For whatever reason, the universe is just convinced it’s going to kill me.”

She gave a sad scoff, and looked down at her hands in her lap.

Esme had followed the three into the bar silently taking in the atmosphere, it was crowded but there was still room to move about with everyone in their own little groups. She softly sighed, already starting to feel herself coming down from everything just hearing the sounds within the bar. Her attention was pulled to Jess as she came up to Dean and Mika, she seemed quite excited to see them. Esme listened as she spoke to them, her eyebrows raising slightly at the mention of karaoke. As much as she loved getting in on karaoke, she was going to pass up on it tonight for fear of singing one out of her control. She just wanted to get a few drinks down her, talk a bit, and play some pool tonight.
__________________

After sitting down with the three and getting some alcohol in her, she started to have a pretty good time. Her shoulders had relaxed and she could even laugh and carry on a decent conversation with all three of them. It somewhat surprised her how smoothly it was going and how much better it seemed to be, but there came a point where she needed some time to herself. So, she politely excused herself and went to go play some pool. As she played, she noticed Dean would look over and see if she was still there. She figured to make sure she hadn’t run off. She had promised him she would stay, but it seemed he still thought she would run.

A few times, she gave him a small, warm smile when he stared over at her. Esme played against several people in the bar and happily took the cash they had set on the table as a bet. When Jess made her announcement for karaoke, Esme was just finishing up a game and looked up briefly before going back to the game. When the crowd cheered, she didn’t look up from the table. She was concentrating on sinking her shot. After sinking the shot, she went to the next, then the next. By the time the music started, she was finishing up the game. “Eight ball, corner pocket.” she called, pointing to the pocket with her cue stick. She took the shot and made it, much to the disappointment of her opponent.

She took the money off the table and put it in her pocket, then looked to the stage to see who would be singing. Her eyes widened a little, not expecting to see Dean on the stage. She hoped this song was of his own accord and that he was looking at Mika and not her. But as he sang, and she heard the words, she realized he was forced into singing and to her once again. He was also staring at her and not Mika. The words he sang were triggering memories of their time together she had been holding back. She set the cue stick down and walked away from the table, her right hand coming to rest on her chest as she watched him.

She fought against the rising emotions, not just what she felt from Dean, but her own as well. His begging for help tore at her heart, and she closed her eyes as she saw his tear and fought against her own. “Breathe Esme. Just breathe.” she whispered to herself as she felt that all too familiar ache. No matter how much she tried to fight it, she couldn’t stop the emotions from building. She still couldn’t understand what was causing this and why they were enjoying torturing them so much. She couldn’t even drown out his words as it became harder to breathe. They filled her heart and her soul, causing her to be filled to the breaking point with both of their emotions.

She opened her eyes and looked at Dean, tears now spilling from them and sliding down her cheeks. She still loved him, and couldn’t deny it even though she had tried to shove it down and lock it away, but his words had brought it back to the surface. The regret she had from leaving him had also been brought to the surface. She started to tremble from the effort of holding everything back, especially the urge to run up on the stage and hug him tightly to let him know it’d be okay because she knew she shouldn’t. “Hold it together woman.” she shakily whispered to herself.

His words continued to pull at her heartstrings, and she couldn't take much more, she could feel herself buckling under the heaviness of his words knowing they were from his heart. Esme blinked the tears from her eyes to clear her blurred vision, not being able to pull her gaze from his as he continued. This hurt her heart so much, she wanted to scream at the top of her lungs to release the pain, but she held it in, her trembling becoming shaking. She was close to completely losing it when Dean broke off, the tears in his eyes tore at her more. She tried to form words, but she couldn’t get anything to come forth, she was lost in the emotions far too deep.

She was thankful when the music finally died off and the lights went back to normal, signaling the song was over. It wasn’t until the clapping started, she felt she could move, but was still having trouble catching her breath. The moment Dean wiped his face, she took the opportunity to dash for the door. His song had definitely done a number on her this time. Memories of their happiest times flashed before her eyes as she ran for the door. She was nearing full breakdown mode, which was a side of her she had never let him see. She pushed past several people, tripping and almost falling a couple of times before she reached the door and burst through it.

Esme forced herself to take a deep breath of the cool air before making her way across the parking lot and running a shaky hand through her hair. “I can’t keep doing this to myself.” she mumbled.

Dean let the images play over in his head, staring out over the crowd after he opened his eyes. Seeing Esme shoving the door open, flashbacks ran through his mind in vivid color. They were flashbacks of the night she left. In passing, he had mentioned that they should get a place together, a conversation that he had no idea would be so heavy.

Yet. It was heavy. He could still see the letter she left, while he was out picking up supplies. He could still see her spaces in the motel room, where her shoes and belongings had normally been kept, empty. He could still feel the stabbing pain of someone you love…gone.

It was a feeling that he had dealt with when he had done the same exact thing to Mika, only under slightly angrier circumstances. He and Esme hadn’t even had a massive blow up. There hadn’t been betrayal, or perceived betrayal. It was just…a misunderstanding.

Snapping out of his thoughts, just as the door was closing gently behind her, Dean bolted off the stage, running down the small set of steps and through the parting sea of people. He never looked at Nat or Mika as he ran with tunnel vision, straight for the door.

Bursting through it, he looked around the parking lot frantically, determined that regardless of her feelings toward him, and what this force was making him do, he wasn’t letting her leave him, with no closure, again. As he stopped and looked around the lot, his chest rose and fell heavily. Regardless of what would happen between them, or the fact that he absolutely belonged to Mika, at this point in his life, he felt that familiar helplessness boiling up in the tears that burned his tired eyes, and then his eyes fell on her retreating form.

“Esme, wait!”, he called out to her, his pace picking up against the gravel. He closed the distance between them carefully, and reached a hand out to grab her left bicep, spinning her around to him, “Don’t…Don’t leave. I didn’t know that was going to happen. I don’t even know what’s happening to me right now. But you can’t just leave…again. Please.”

As he stood there, holding her arm, he blinked the tears away, realizing that this was deeper than just their relationship. This was, yet again, going to throw a trust wrench in his relationship with Mika. The couple was used to wrenches, at this point in their lives, and could usually brush them off. But this…

This was baggage that he and Mika hadn’t discussed. It was a time of their lives that they rarely wanted to revisit together, because both had made decisions, and had circumstances bring them back together, that were too hard to talk about. But he knew, the communication would need to happen, for the same reason that he and Esme NEEDED to have a conversation about their relationship, and whether they could keep one at all, with each other, at this point.

He reached forward, releasing her arm, and placed a hand gently on her shoulder, turning her to him, “Talk to me…”

MIKA CHAMBERS AND NATALIA WINCHESTER

Mika felt a sense of security and relief when Dean wrapped her arm up in his as they walked to the front door of Rusty's and walked inside. Seeing Jess still working there made her happy as she did actually adore the woman greatly. Especially if Bobby got too drunk there on the odd night and she had to be called to collect him, she found it was usually Jess doing the calling. She was a lot more understanding than a lot of people in town and Mika was always thankful for that.

Seeing the woman coming over to them both Mika actually smiled at the woman, even when she hugged Dean before saying that Bobby had already called ahead to open his tab. She hugged her back with her free arm and kissed her cheek back, "Good to see you too Jess" she said back before letting her go to continue her job.

Natalia just smiled and waved at Jess when the greetings were given out, feeling like she hadn't seen Jess in a fair while and was glad to see some friendly and familiar faces in the bar.

------

The first part of the night was surprisingly lighthearted, both girls were surprised at how they all could get on and have a laugh. Natalia figured that a lot of Mika's ability to relax and be more friendly was down to two things 1) Dean sitting beside her and having his hand on her thigh and 2) alcohol. Yet there was no way she was going to say anything about it in front of the woman for fear of ruining the good moods all around. She personally thought Esme was an alright woman and actually fitted in pretty well with them all, all things considered and hoped that if whatever it was between her and Dean could be resolved to not hurt Mika too much, then maybe...just maybe, Mika and Esme could become friends.

Natalia even at the odd time when getting in a round of drinks found herself flirting with the odd punter even though she had no inclination to do anything more with them. To her it was all just fun and games.

Even though at some point Esme said she was going to play some pool against some of the players, Mika couldn't help but notice that Dean was glancing back at her a few times and tried to just swallow down her anxiety about it, instead keeping her arm that she had previousy moved, behind Dean and on his back, intermittedly lightly running her fingers up and down it absentmindedly as she did sometimes.

Yet then came the announcement they were all dreading, the announcement of the start of karaoke. Both Nat and Mika had almost forgotten about all the singing fiasco temporarily, but nope, this one announcement from Jess just brought it all back and filled them both with dread. Neither trusted this not to egg on whatever was making them sing hidden truths to the wrong people or right people, depending on how each of them looked at it.

As Dean looked at her, Mika looked at him back and gave him the look of 'it's up to you love' even though she really didn't want him to do it because she didn't think the risk was even worth it, but it seemed her not telling him no caused him to agree and get up on stage. Natalia looked between Mika and Dean and Esme, gauging whether this was going to be a good idea or not.

---

As the song began, Mika was convinced that Dean was looking at her for a god chunk of the song but she soon started realising that he wasn't looking at her at all, he was looking passed her and to Esme. That was when she knew whatever was at play earlier, was now at play again. She made a large gulp as she listened to the words he was singing to the other woman, pangs of hurt hitting her heart as she looked between Dean and Esme, her suspicions that there was a lot more between them than they previously ever let on becoming more evidentally clear.

Natalia saw how much it was hurting Mika again which made her move from her seat to the one Dean previously was sat on and pulled Mika into a sideways hug, rubbing her back as comfortingly as she could. She watched on as Dean cried as he sang to Esme, partially shaking her head at what she was witnessing.

Sighing with Mika when the song came to abrupt end, both of them expected Dean to come over to Mika and apologise, but he didn't, instead he chased after Esme who they also saw run out in an emotional state. Nat sighed and kept ahold of Mika, knowing if she didn't, the woman would get up and follow them outside as well. "He's being an drunken idiot, just let things calm down yeah?" Nat suggested but Mika just shrugged out of Nat's hold.

"How could he do this to me...again?" Mika questioned, placing her head in her hands trying so hard not to cry out of frustration. "There's clearly more to them than they're telling me, to any of us. That woman is ruining everything" she continued saying out of pure upset. "I don't know meeko, but I hate to agree, but I do. They need to own up to what it is with them and just come clean because all this bullshit chasing each other, whispering and hiding shit from you is not on." Natalia replied. THis was precisely why she swore to never get into a damn relationship with someone.

After a few minutes, Mika couldn't take it anymore, she got up and walked to the door. Staying inside she looked out the door window at Dean and Esme, watching intently at every movement they did. If they were seeing each other behind her back then she damn well wanted to catch them in the act before calling them out on it.

SAM WINCHESTER

Sam kept washing her hair the best he could considering their situation and what they had, deciding to try and not say too much unless Annabeth wanted to talk, then he would reply. His suspicions were right when she replied to what he said moments ago. He could hear her tear up a little as she spoke. "Well lets hope it doesn't come to that" he replied to her softly.

He had managed to get all the blood out of her hair, glad that was being heavily diluted by the water as he was certain that it would start to even trigger him and that was the last thing he needed Annabeth to witness. He had to be the cool non affected one out of the two of them.

"hey...hey, don't be sorry. You had no choice, I know that just as well as you did. We weren't to know Alistair was going to force feed you demon blood. If we did? We would have done more. I feel like I failed you for that and I'm sorry" he replied to her. He then rung out the cloth into the bowl, placing it on the side and grabbing a clean cloth to wash her back down and then continued to the majority of her body before giving her a towel when he was done.

"There...you can dry off and wear the spare clothes Nat found you" he explained.

Esme wiped the tears from her face as she walked across the lot. With the distance forming between her and the bar, she had hoped the pain in her chest and the emotions would die down, but they hadn’t. They felt stronger than ever, as if some force was keeping them on the surface and not letting them recede back into the depths where she kept them. She clutched her chest with her right hand and her head with her left as another memory forced itself on her and flashed before her eyes. The memory was of them coming back from a case involving vampires. Both were pretty battered and had bleeding wounds.

They practically had to carry each other into the hotel room they were staying in. Once in and mostly collected, they tended to each other's injuries and talked to stay coherent and conscious to bypass the threats of concussions. Being so tired, they climbed onto the bed, not even bothering to change clothes or get cleaned up, and curled up together. Dean held her close to his chest and kissed her on top of her head and stroked her hair while she snuggled into him and tangled her legs up in his. The memory faded after she kissed him sweetly and he returned the kiss and they passed out in each other's arms.

Esme gasped for air as the memory released its hold on her and she staggered forward, almost falling to her knees. The memory was so vivid, as if she were there reliving it. She released her head and wiped away the fresh tears that escaped her eyes. That’s when she heard his voice ring out across the parking lot. He had followed her yet again. She took in a shaky breath and closed her eyes briefly. By the time she opened her eyes, Dean had closed the gap between them and grabbed her arm. When he spun her to face him, a gasp escaped her lips. Esme kept her gaze on the gravel beneath their feet.

She couldn’t look up into his tear-filled eyes for fear of crying more herself. She closed her eyes tightly as he spoke to her, asking her not to leave, and he didn’t know what was happening to him. She wasn’t planning on leaving, she just needed to get out of the bar and away from it all. Then again, she couldn’t leave without hitchhiking, anyway. As Dean continued to hold on to her arm, then placed it on her shoulder to turn her more to him, she opened her eyes and her gaze slowly traveled upwards and stopped on his shoulder, still not being able to look at his face.

“Talk to you.” she whispered softly. She gripped her chest more as her shaking became more visible and her emotions got stronger. How could she bring herself to talk to him about what she was afraid to admit to herself? She took in a shaky breath and slowly let it out. “After you pouring out your hidden truths…… It’s hard to.” she admitted in a whisperer. “Most of this night I’ve been reliving our time together because of the memories that have been coming to me. I’ve relived the day I left and the day I found out you had died.” She choked back a sob that tried to escape her and she turned slightly away from him.

“I…… I regret the way I left that day. I knew there was a better way, but I was too afraid to confront you with why I was leaving. I couldn’t look into your face and see the hurt that my words would cause.” she closed her eyes, a tear slid down her cheek as the memory hit her again. She shook her head to keep it from overtaking her. Esme opened her eyes again, blinking away the other tears. “I know that saying I’m sorry won’t take back the pain I’ve caused you or make up for my actions, but I am so very sorry. I don’t even expect you to forgive me for it.” She sighed heavily and took a few steps back from him.

“When I heard you had died, everything we shared and lost hit me like a ton of bricks.” she said as a shiver ran through her body. She wrapped her arms around herself almost in an attempt to stop herself from shaking. She finally lifted her gaze, her blue eyes meeting his green. “That day, I felt more alone than I ever have and I completely shut down and shut out the world around me.” she admitted to him. “I cut myself off from everyone and everything for weeks and……” she trailed off as she remembered everything after that day, then stepped back even further from him as she continued to look into his eyes. She watched him to see how her confession would hit him. She was even surprised that she had even told him about it all.

Dean watched her thinking, until she opened her eyes and looked at him. His heart fluttered at the fact that she was even willing to, after what he had said inside. Then as he noticed she was shaking, he rubbed his hands along her shoulder, bringing his other hand up to match, his stomach falling a bit, as he knew she was in a lot of pain. Pain that he had never put her through, before.

His face softened, as he watched between her eyes and she explained what she had been thinking, between the day she left and him dying. He hadn’t even thought about her finding out about his death, and internally wondered who had called her. He figured it must have been Bobby, since he was their most loyal contact. He swallowed roughly, a tear falling from his own eye, “Esme…I…”

Then Dean heard the words he had been waiting for. She regretted leaving, or at least the way she left. After he mentioned wanting to get a place of their own, and calm down for a little while, maybe make things more seriously, she had bolted. Hearing that she regretted the way she did things was almost a relief, causing him to sigh. He reached up, and whisked the tear away from her cheek with his thumb, wiping it on his jacket casually.

It was hard to know what to say, as the memory of her leaving played in his head. It both made him sad to think about their relationship ending so abruptly and when things were going good, and also about how he had left Mika a few months prior to meeting Esme. No explanation. No remorse. He just left and moved past the relationship for a while, until they fell back together.

Dean felt a strong urge in the pit of his stomach, as she apologized, to just reach out and either kiss her, or just…hold her. He needed to do something, as the bottled up emotions from the lack of closure bubbled higher and higher in his chest, “I never…I um…I never held malice toward you. Esme…”

He reached toward her arms to pull her to him, just as she stepped back from him, causing him to freeze and flinch a bit. He wasn’t sure what to do with himself. He shoved his hands into his jacket and just listened, as she hit another low note in his life, and his throat seized up, flashbacks of Hell flooding his brain, on top of random flashes of them together, he and Mika together, and practically every other part of his life that was complicated.

Dean turned, himself, to bring a hand to pinch his tear ducts, gasping at the sudden urge to cry. When he turned back to her, her eyes met his and he softened, melting a bit at her teary gaze that he had caused, “I um…”

He pushed the thoughts of Hell aside, and went over her words in his mind, before stepping toward her, reaching both hands out and brushing her tears from her face. He then pulled her into a tight hug, his hand pressing the back of her head to hold her to him.

“I’m so sorry. Okay? I’m so sorry, Esme…”, he whispered, kissing the top of her head, “I never meant for this to happen. When you showed back up, I knew that it would come up eventually, especially since I have been with Mika for a while now. I’m doing my best to hold everything together right now, and keep you…but keep her as we are. I didn’t even think about anyone telling you I died.”

He sniffled heavily, “But I’m not going to do this anymore. It’s killing us both. You deserve better, and you knew that.”

He pulled her face away from his chest and stared into her eyes, “You saved my life, when I didn’t deserve it…and the way you left was one of the worst nights of my life. But I’m fine. We’re fine….I forgive you.”



Anna sighed in relief as the smell of demon blood began to dissipate from the room as Sam worked on her hair. Although the shivers didn’t stop as she had begun to get cold from the water on her bare skin. As he washed over her back, telling her not to apologize. She shook her head, “I’m sorry. Alastair said things…he said things about you, and Ruby.”

She was hesitant to bring up what Alastair had said, while forcing her to choke down the gallons of blood. She didn’t know how Sam would react, or if Alastair was lying. She sat still, until he handed her a towel, wrapping it around her body and standing from the chair.

She turned to him, and stepped up to his chest, simply giving him a tight hug, “I’m so glad to be back. I’m glad you’re okay. These angels, they came to get Alastair, after I attacked him. He was going to kill you for me escaping…and I panicked. I can’t let anyone hurt you…”

She tightened her grip on Sam, “But he’s alive.”

Esme had heard Dean’s words as she stepped away from him, and they slightly lifted the weight on her heart. She almost missed him reaching out to her to pull her to him. She noticed him freeze and flinch when she moved away from him, then shoved his hands into his jacket. Even as she had spoken, she could see he didn’t know what to do with himself just from her stepping away and spilling her heart out to him. When he turned and met her gaze, she noticed his eyes softened and he went into thought. When he stepped towards her, she tried to step back but was frozen in place.

Esme’s eyes closed as if on their own as he brushed away her tears, then pulled her into a tight hug. She hesitated for a moment before wrapping her arms around him, not being able to fight it anymore. As he hugged her, apologized, and kissed the top of her head, she tightened her hug and gripped his jacket tightly. As Dean spoke, she closed her eyes tighter, listening to every word, and it tore at her heart, making it ache even more. When Dean mentioned not thinking about anyone telling her about his death, she tensed up as she remembered the call. She could still remember it like it was yesterday.

The news had frozen her in place and couldn’t breathe, and she had barely gotten out the words ‘No, he can’t be’ before she dropped her phone and fell to her knees in a sobbing mess. Esme opened her eyes when he sniffled, then listened to his next words. She tried to shake her head but couldn’t with the way he was holding it. “But I…..” she started, before he pulled her face from his chest. She stared into his eyes as he stared into hers. His words hit her hard. Mostly, the part about how she left was one of the worst nights of his life. Even if he forgave her for it, she couldn’t forgive herself and wasn’t sure if she ever would.

She had run away from the best thing in her life, all because it scared her and was afraid she wouldn’t find answers to her father's death, that she didn’t want to drag Dean into. Esme looked up at Dean with tear-filled eyes that held sorrow, pain, regret, and shame. “I…… I honestly don’t know how…… You can forgive me.” she stammered. “That was one of the…… Worst things I could have done to you…… Everything was so good between us. Then I…… Up and leave because I was……. Scared.” She dropped her gaze in shame to his shoulder, feeling a fresh wave of emotion hit her. She fought hard against them, not wanting them to take her over, the effort still making her shake. “I still can’t for…. Forgive myself for leaving and only leaving a note behind.”

Little did they know, Cupid was still sitting on the roof of Rusty’s in tears as he watched Dean and Esme. Notching an arrow in his bow, he pulled it back, taking careful aim at the two below as they embraced each other and talked. Adjusting his aim, he pointed his arrow at Esme and let it loose, his arrow hitting his intended target. A soft melody began to play after the arrow hit Esme, steadily growing louder by the second.

Esme tensed up when she heard the melody begin to play, looking around for its source but couldn’t find it. She closed her eyes, gripping Dean’s jacket tighter as she fought against the urge to sing to him. No, I don’t want to do this she thought to herself. The more she fought against it, the stronger it became and soon started to hum along with the melody against her will. Her gaze slowly lifted to meet his, her eyes turning soft as she sang to him. “Turn down the lights. Turn down the bed. Turn down these voices inside my head.” As she sang, she released her grip on his jacket and caressed his cheek before pulling away from him and stepping back.

“Lay down with me, tell me no lies. Just hold me close, don't patronize, don't patronize me.” She closed her eyes, turned and walked away as she continued to sing as she brought her hands up to her chest. “'Cause I can't make you love me if you don't. You can't make your heart feel something it won't.” She could feel tears welling up in her eyes as she sang to Dean, still not able to fight against the words forming and pouring out of her mouth. “Here in the dark, in these final hours. I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power.” She turned back towards him, opening her eyes and dropping her head as she continued.

“But you won't, no you won't. 'Cause I can't make you love me…... If you don't…….” Esme wrapped her arms around herself and closed her eyes again, tears sliding down her cheeks. “I'll close my eyes, then I won't see. The love you don't feel…. When you're holding me. Morning will come and I'll do what's right, Just give me till then to give up this fight….And I will give up this fight.” Esme opened her eyes and took a couple of steps towards him, closing the gap and taking his hand in both of hers, looking at their hands. “'Cause I can't make you love me if you don't. You can't make your heart feel something it won't. Here in the dark, in these final hours. I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power.”

She looked up into his eyes, with her tear filled ones as more tears slid down her cheeks. “But you won't, no you won't. 'Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't…….” She hummed along with the end of the music and caressed his cheek one last time. Gasping for air, after the song finally ended. Esme released his hand and put some space between them, then turned her head away, dropping her gaze to the ground. “I…… I’m sorry.” she mumbled through her tears. She brought a hand up and wiped away her tears with a sniffle and shaky sigh. “I couldn’t fight it.” She had done the same thing he had done to her, sang out her hidden truth and couldn’t stop from doing it. She brought her arms around herself, placing her hands on her elbows before slowly looking back at him.

Dean shook his head, “Me forgiving you is not your decision. Trust me…I know how scary the thought of leaving this all behind is. Hell, I was scared, just thinking about it, before I opened my big mouth.”

“So forgive yourself, for me?”, he asked, but the music had already started, and he narrowed his eyes before letting them go wild. He sighed in relief, when he realized he wasn’t starting to sing, and the lyrics to the song weren’t flooding his mind, like before. But then her eyes softened, and his heart sank. She was about to spill her entire heart in a song, and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

As her voice began singing the melody, he let out a pained sigh, tears coming to his eyes almost immediately, knowing she didn’t want to do this, but as her hand brushed his cheek, he leaned into it gently, pressing his eyes closed. His arms still reached for her a bit as she pulled away and kept singing.

He let his eyes flutter open, watching her painfully as she sang the words that he had feared she was feeling, the entire time they had been back in each other’s presence. He loved Mika, more than anyone on earth, but he couldn’t lie about the lack of closure making it hard to let Esme go. He could sympathize with every word she sang as he shivered, and watched her look back at him. He was speechless…

As she took the outstretched hand that he had forgotten about, he looked down at their hands, her smaller fingers feeling so familiar against his skin. His emotions were at a level he hadn’t bothered to feel in a while, letting a few extra tears fall from his eyes as she met them with her own.

He sniffled roughly, shaking himself from the pain of hearing the words leave her mouth, and brought his free hand up to her cheek, helping her to wipe away the tears. Dean was still speechless, just staring at her, taking in everything she had sang, and weighing his options and consequences.

He let out another loud sigh, overwhelmed by the decisions flooding his mind, and did the one thing he was good at. He placed a hand on either side of her face, pushing her hair back with his fingers, and turned her toward the side of the building. Gently pushing her back against the brick, he leaned in and kissed her deeply, pressing his body against hers as his breath hitched in his throat.

Dean didn’t know what else to do. He wanted to make her forgive herself. He wanted to drive home the fact that he forgave her, but he also just wanted to have the closure of being with her one more time. Cupid blissfully watched them, as he orchestrated things, forcing every ounce of emotion Dean had into the kiss. It was organic. It was a longing Dean had. He just needed a tiny push, to pull himself away from Mika long enough to act on it…

MIKA CHAMBERS AND NATALIA WINCHESTER

Remaining by the door, Mika watched on at the two outside. She couldn't quite make out what Dean was telling Esme but they were far too close for her comfortability and the aches of pain but she could make out initially what Esme was saying. The half of the conversation just confirming to her that something did indeed go on between them at some point which terrified her greatly. Was Esme being round reminding Dean there was someone better than her out there and he would walk from her yet again, but this time truly for good? She didn't know and the not knowing terrified her more than anything.

Her hands shook as she tried to fist them up to stop the shakes, but that wasn't helping too much. Then came what she was dreading the most, another song. Yet this time it wasn't Dean singing to Esme, but the other way round. Even despite the loud music going on in the bar, she could hear the music happening outside and she watched on as Esme sang her heart to Dean, admitting how she loved him and that was breaking Mika's heart.

She wanted to find who was doing this to them and unleash so much hurt. Whoever it was, was doing their damnest to break her and Dean apart it felt like and she was doing her hardest to not lose her cool. Tears pricked at her eyes as Esme's earlier comments rang through her head about feeling guilty for leaving him the way she did, and that she regretted it which just made her think there was a moment where Dean may have never come back to her and that was too much to take.

With the song ending she watched them both intently, her eyes going wide as she saw Dean pull Esme out of eyeshot to the door and she recognised that move all too well. "No...no no no...please..." she quietly begged to herself, unable to stop herself from yanking the door open roughly and running outside, frantically looking around for the two of them when her eyes locked onto the two of them and saw Dean being the kisser.

Tears pricked at her eyes before falling and she saw red instantly out of heartache. "What the actual hell Dean!?" She practically screamed at him, storming over to the two of them. She grabbed his arm and pulled him off of Esme. "You tell me there's nothing going on between you two and here you are playing tonsil tennis with her against the bloody wall!? How could you do this to me!?" She yelled at him, she couldn't even let herself let him speak before she just lost it, balled up her fist and punched him square in the face with all her might.

It was then she noticed that Natalia had followed her outside, having a feeling she was going to have to play the barrier between them all but she skidded to a halt when she saw what Mika did and instantly narrowed her eyes at both Esme and Dean. SHe winced as Mika landed an impressive punch to the man she loved before watching her storm off. "You're a bloody fool Dean...in fact you know what? You both are. If you both just came clean at the beginning none of this would have happened." Natalia scolded them both, her tone calm but still had enough of a disappointed tone that if it was a knife it would cut through anything.

She looked behind her and saw Mika going to her car and getting in the driver's side. "oH shit, no" She said, giving Dean one more look sternly, "No thanks to you I'm gonna have to bloody pick up the pieces and fix this shitshow!" she told him, turning on her heels and giving Dean the middle finger as she ran to the car. "Mika get out the damn car! You're drunk and it's dangerous to drive!" she pleaded with the woman.

"Either leave me alone Nat or get in but I'm not driving those two home!" Mika shouted at her through her closed window which made Natalia torn on what to do. She wasn't sure she trusted Dean alone with Esme, but she didn't like the idea of Mika driving home drunk either. "Dammit!" she cursed, running round to the passenger side and getting in. "I'm not leaving you alone with now" she told Mika, but Mika was too emotional to think straight or even acknowledge what Nat was telling her, instead she started the engine and drove out and back to Bobby's at great speed, just wanting to get away from Dean and Esme as quickly as possible.

"Mika slow the hell down! you're gonna get us-" Nat said, holding onto the dash and door with both hands seeing how reckless was Mika was driving and honestly, she felt terrified for both their lives. Further down the road as Mika went recklessly to turn the corner to get to the junkyard, she almost smashed into another car, swerved onto the path slightly before regaining control.

Natalia quickly pulled out her phone and went against her better judgement, she text Dean. "Your girl just almost crashed the bloody car!" and clicked send. If she was going to die then she wanted one of her brothers at least to know why it happened.

SAM WINCHESTER

Sam listened to her talk some more, deciding that she clearly needed to get it off her chest and who was he to deny her that? He froze for a brief second when she mentioned him and Ruby in the same sentence and sighed, of course Alistair knew about him and Ruby, but that didn't mean it didn't make it be any less scary to him. He was almost too afraid to ask her what AListair told her about Ruby and he, deciding that he was going to wait until she was dressed before he started asking his questions.

He let her get dried off and dressed whilst hearing her more as she hugged him tightly, making him slowly but fondly wrap his arms around her small frame firmly and protectively, hugging her back, kissing the top of her now clean hair. The idea of Angels saving a demon seemed utterly outrageous to him, and knew just from that one sentence that there was definitely more going on here than what they could ever imagine.

"I'm glad you're back too Anna. We can worry about Alistair still being alive later. I just need you safe and calm" he told her, lifting her head with both his hands at the side of her face and looking her in the eyes. "You're going to be okay" he told her again, pulling her more into him for another secure hug.

"But I gotta ask...what did Alistair tell you about myself and Ruby?" he asked finally.

Dean continued to pour his emotions into the passionate and rough kiss with Esme, his hands holding her head firm as he let out a small whimper against her lips. But what came next was completely unexpected, Mika’s voice. He abruptly pulled away from the kiss, his eyes shooting toward Mika’s approaching frame as he held his hands out in front of him.

“Mika…wait…I can…”, he started as she pulled her fist back, and as if in slow motion made contact with his cheekbone. Stumbling, he fell roughly onto the ground and stared up at her, holding his face, “Mika wait. MIKA! Dammit…”

As Natalia ran after her, and turned to scold him, he sighed, rolling onto his stomach a bit to push himself off the ground, a bit dizzy from the mix of alcohol and his girlfriend’s impressive right hook.

“Nat…”, he started as she flipped him off, causing another sigh to leave his throat as he stood to his feet, “NATALIA!”
Throwing his hands up, and letting them fall heavily to his sides, he turned back to Esme, his eye already swelling as he stared at her. He didn’t say anything, just let his eyes apologize for the whole situation. He gestured for her to follow him, and started the semi short walk home.

As they walked, he received a text message. He opened his phone and growled, placing the phone against his forehead as he closed his eyes tightly, “Esme…I’ll um…I’ll drive you to that motel in a bit, and we can…we can talk hopefully tomorrow about everything, and where to go from here. Right now, I’ve gotta go diffuse a bomb.”

He continued to walk beside her, although his pace picked up as he fought back frustrated tears, or hold outs from the heavy crying earlier in the night.



Anna peered between Sam’s eyes as she heard his calming words, feeling a wave of relaxation take over her body as he touched her face. She had almost forgotten about how calming his skin was, when she wasn’t covered in blood and ravenous.

She simply nodded, pressing her nose into his chest and breathing deeply, just wanting to take in the surreal moment of being near him again, until he asked the question she had wanted to avoid bringing up the whole time. She didn’t move her face initially, but then turned it on its side, resting her cheek against his chest.

“He said that she was…using you as some sort of weapon against Lilith. He um…he said you had drank the demon blood, too, and if I would stay with him, and do my part…I could take your place.”, she explained, her face expressionless from reliving the trauma of Alastair’s words, “And if I take your place, Lilith won’t kill you. He said that if you continue, you’ll be unstoppable. You’ll be inhuman.”

Esme watched Dean as he processed the words that had spilled out of her mouth from her heart. She could see and feel just how overwhelmed he was with everything going through his mind. He caught her off guard when he took her face into his hands, brushing back her hair with his fingers, then turned her towards the building. A small gasp escaped her lips when her back connected with the brick of the building. She watched him as he leaned in and kissed her. It was the one thing she never thought she’d feel again, and she melted into it, not being able to push him away.

Her eyes fluttered close as she returned it, bringing her hands to rest on his arms, her breath catching in her throat as he pressed his body against hers. She could feel all the emotion flowing through his kiss, and that he wanted her to forgive herself as he had forgiven her. She also knew this would be the last kiss she would ever receive from Dean. This was their closure of being with each other one more time. Esme brought her hands to his face, as a tear escaped each of her closed eyes and landed on his hands as she gave a small whimper of her own.

Her eyes shot open at Mika’s voice and as he abruptly pulled away from the kiss. Her eyes landed on Mika as she yelled, all her emotions pouring off her and Esme was feeling it all. She could feel it building before Mika balled up her fist and punched Dean in the face, which caused her to flinch. She saw it all happen in slow motion, starting with the punch to Dean falling to the ground. “Mika…. I……” she couldn’t finish what she wanted to say as she stormed off. She looked at Natalia as she scolded them. She winced, knowing that the woman was right.

Esme’s arms dropped to her sides as Natalia’s tone of disappointment stabbed her heart. When Natalia yelled at Dean and flipped him off as she went after Mika, Esme turned into the wall. “Hellfire!” she mumbled as she slammed the side of her fist against the wall and closed her eyes tight. She couldn’t call after Natalia as Dean had. She had no right to. She had fallen weak against her emotions and let them get the better of her and take control. She opened her eyes and turned back to Dean as she threw up his hands, and saw his eye swelling along with his apologetic look.

She gave her own look in silence to say he had nothing to apologize for. At his gesture to follow him, she did and remained silent with her hands in her jacket pockets, keeping her gaze averted from him. Esme’s eyes went to his phone when he received the text. When he growled and placed the phone against his forehead, she knew it was bad. She looked over at him and shook her head softly in response to driving her to the motel. “It’s alright, Dean….. You don’t have to. Just worry about taking care of her….. And getting her to calm down….. I can get there.” She gave a small smile as she picked up her pace to stay with him. She fought the urge to reach out and touch his arm to calm him.

MIKA CHAMBERS AND NATALIA WINCHESTER

Natalia was genuinely terrified that Mika was going to get them both killed in her upset and anger at what they both witnessed. She could understand why Mika was upset, if she was the relationship type she would be in her shoes. She did feel it was right to back the woman up as well and she didn't regret saying her lecture to Dean and Esme either as she still stood by her words, as she always did. She always did her best to never say something she didn't mean, especially if it meant trying to diffuse her family drama.

She could see Mika crying as she drove up the gravel path to the back of Bobby's lot, meaning she had no choice but to slow down which Natalia sighed with relief over. She just hoped that she did the right thing coming back with Mika and not staying with Dean and Esme, though she had try and give hope that Dean wouldn't be stupid twice in a row and just for once behave himself and come home.

Mika did eventually get back onto the lot and parked the car out back into her a space she could find that was away from Dean's impala so he could get out if they needed more than one car (which they usually did), but out of sight of the house windows and away from the cars that needed to be worked on. Parked up Mika just stared out the window, her hands still gripping the wheel so tightly her knuckles were turning white. The engine still running. Natalia looked over at her and for the first time since everything kicked off, she didn't know what to say initially. She leaned over and turned the engine off, confiscating the keys to make sure that Mika couldn't do another runner with the car.

"Dean is an idiot...but we all know he does love you Meeko....even if he has seriousy questionable ways of showing it" she told Mika shoftly, opening the passenger car door. "Why don't you stay out here to just calm down a bit and then come inside?" she suggested, but all she got in return from Mika was a simple silent nod. Sighing, Natalia got out the car and walked across the lot, getting inside through the back kitchen door.

"Bobby?! Me and Mika are back...shit hit the fan, MASSIVELY" she called out, putting real emphasis on the last word. "Dean was caught by Mika making out with Esme against a brick wall...and Dean got a black eye for it" she explained, seeing he was still researching with Cason.

Still in the car Mika sobbed, resting her head on her steering wheel, her hands slowly softening and letting go of the wheel in the process. She glanced her eyes downward at the hand that punched Dean in the face, seeing the marks on her hand from the contact. She always swore she would never do that to him, that if she was going to get that angry again, she'd hit a wall or something but it seemed she broke her own promise and rule to herself.

"I love you Dean, why would you lie and do this to me?" she sobbed to herself.

SAM WINCHESTER

He knew he wouldn't like the answer that Annabeth would give his question, but Sam had to know nonetheless. It would only eat away at him otherwise and whatever the answer would be, then he could contact Ruby and possibly get her to deal with it. But he would come up with a plan when he got the answer.

Hearing her say the answer, he listened carefully before sighing. He lifted her head once more and looked at her. "Anna, he was lying about a good chunk of that. I wish I could say he was lying about everything but I can't. But she's not using me as such as a weapon. Not....entirely anyway." he sighed again, taking a breath before continuing on.

"I am drinking the blood, but you cannot under any circumstance let Dean, Nat or Mika know, in fact you can't tell anyone. They won't understand. But by doing so I can kill Lilith. It's the only reason why I'm doing it, and trust me, I don't want to do it, but it's the only way. But Lilith is not going to kill me because I'm going to do everything I can to make sure that doesn't happen. I'm not going to become inhuman, I'm going to remain me, I promise" he reassured her.

"This is why I don't want you doing this, I know how addictive it can be" he added softly.

Dean slowed his pace a bit, when he realized he was stomping away from Esme. None of this was her fault. It was his own stupidity that led to this. He could feel the bruise on his cheek pulsing with every heartbeat as he turned his head to look at her with sad eyes, “I just don’t want you to go alone, if you don’t want to. Your mental state is just as bad as mine right now. This is going to take forever to fix, if it can be fixed…”

He sighed, fighting back tears again as he instinctively reached over to her, and pulled her arm into his, a comfort move for him. The gravel was loud as they walked, slowly approaching the junkyard lights.



“What have you heard about Cupid?”, Cason asked Bobby, as they sat across from each other at Bobby’s desk. Bobby raised an eyebrow and shook his head.

“Nah. Cupid wouldn’t be doing this. Isn’t he like a cute little fat thing with a bow? He’s the love cherub…”, Bobby groaned just as Natalia stepped through the door calling out to them. Bobby’s head jerked upward, his shoulders falling in a defeated sigh to hear that the worst had happened, and probably because he sent them out, “Dammit, boy…Where are they now?”

Cason stood, book still in hand as he scanned his eyes over the darker side of Cupid, the side of Cupid that could be violent and erratic when stressed, or if his prophesies were screwed with. He thought back to Sam and Anna being separated, and the fact that it happened at the hands of an Angel, wondering if it had anything to do with the hunch.

“I have an idea…I’ll be back.”, he muttered, snapping the book shut and walking through the front door without another word. He stepped onto the porch and jogged down the steps, slowly making his way around the house with his eyes on the roof. As he stepped around the back lot, he noticed Mika still sitting in her car, and carefully passed it, turning his eyes back to the roof.

Disappointed, he sighed, “Dammit. Where are you?”



Anna narrowed her eyes at Sam, as he explained that the situation was truly complicated, but that she couldn’t say anything to anyone. She didn’t typically share much with the group anyway, and she nodded quickly, watching his eyes as he spoke with regret and shame, but resolve. The look on his face calmed her nerves a bit. She didn’t judge. She couldn’t judge, but she also noticed that he spoke about the addictive properties of the demon blood.

“I’ll say nothing…but you have to let me help you kill her. She did this to me. She needs to see what she’s done, to both of us, and to Dean.”, she sighed and reached her shaky hand up, her wrist now dried with blood from the handcuffs. She brushed her hand gently across his skin, wondering if it was as sensitive as her own, with the demon blood in both their systems, “Are you dealing with the addiction? I know how powerful you can feel, but I also know how hard it is to come down. You seem so adjusted, Sam…”

NATALIA WINCHESTER

At Bobby's question of where everyone was, Nat knew he wasn't going to like half of what her answer was going to be. "Mika is in her car out back, Dean and Esme are either on their way back by walking because Mika refused to drive them back, or they're still at the bar. I honestly don't know" she said honestly.

"I was more concerned about Mika's well being that I took the decision to come back with her and I'm glad I did. She broke the speed limit driving back and almost crashed the damn car" she warned Bobby, even though Mika would probably hate her for telling her uncle such news. She knew Bobby deserved to know the full extent of Mika's mental state.

She looked over when Cason said he would be right back, raising an eyebrow wondering what he was going to do, but let him go nonetheless. She just hoped he would be able to avoid Mika whilst he was outside.

MIKA CHAMBERS

The more Mika thought back to what she witnessed at the bar, the more angry she got over it. The more felt Dean had cheated on her as she still didn't know the full truth of the history between he and Esme. She wasn't sure she wanted to know in this heated moment but at the same time she did want to know, she just needed to let off some steam before she looked at Dean again.

Sighing and wiping her eyes, she opened her car door and after taking a couple of deep breaths she slowly stepped out of it unknowing that Cupid was lurking and very much taking aim once again as if his next actions were going to fix absolutely everything he had screwed up, except....it wouldn't.

Standing up straight as she got out the car, she closed the door and went to go lock it but then realised that Nat confiscated her keys, which she couldn't blame the woman for doing. She made a mental note to apologise to the woman for driving so recklessly whilst very heavily under the influence. Another example of what Dean did to her when he screwed up. Just as she did to him, they made each other reckless and it hurt so much. Years of work of being good with each other just going down the drain, or so it felt.

Then it came....the sound of a melody ringing into her ears and at first she was convinced that it was her drunken mind just imagining it, but it got louder and louder and she realised it wasn't just her imagination, it was really happening the moment she clapped eyes on Cason walking around the lot, seeming to stare up at the roof of the house trying to look for something or someone.



She tried to stop herself walking over to him, her drunken state making it near damn impossible for her to fight what was happening to her. She hated it, she didn't want to sing to Cason, but she couldn't stop it.

"I think we should make out, in a few hours I'm getting on a plane, there's a pretty safe bet you'll never see me again, yeah. I love your accent, I wonder what it'll sound like when you cum, let's see if blondes or brunettes are more fun. I'm on the very top floor, room 1334, there's a king sized bed, lets do it on the floor, turn your cell phone off, leave a sign on the door, saying do not disturb, do not disturb" she began singing and she felt sick to her stomach singing such lyrics to someone who wasn't Dean, even if she was beyond angry at him in this moment.

She reached Cason and grabbed the edge of his jacket, pulling him to her as she kept having the lyrics pour out of her, "And if I were you, I'd bring your girlfriend too, two is better than one, three is better than two, leave a sign on the door, the whole night through, do not disturb, do not disturb". She felt her body being controlled, pulling him to her car where she opened the back passenger doors and pushed him inside.

"Let's take our clothes off, I wanna show you my hidden tattoo that nobody ever gets to see but you do. Oh baby let me taste ya, shake ya, tie you up and break ya. 'Cause I've been alone, left on my own for too long, oh damn, too long too long too long i say come on now!" she kept singing, the words feeling like a hidden truth because had been alone too long, Dean had literally died and left her alone and it felt like much longer than it actually was. Now tonight, after what she witnessed, she just felt more alone than ever.

She leaned into the car, climbing on top of Cason, closing the door behind her then ran her hands up his chest, pulling his jacket off of him roughly, throwing it onto the floor of her car before going for his shirt. She realised quickly that she was going to be cheating on Dean herself out of revenge and through her drunken state, grief and hurt, she wasn't sure if she truly cared anymore.

She kept singing, the words just flowing out of her like verbal vomit as she continued to manhandle a bloody demon of all people before leaning down kissing him hungrily between lyrics, leaning back up and yanking his shirt off in a swift action then going for his belt and jeans. She needed to be needed and was finding this spell she seemed to be under was making her get that.

SAM WINCHESTER

Sam smiled softly down at her when she agreed to not say anything to the others, at least not yet. THe group didn't know there were two of them guzzling demon blood because of some great plan they didn't entirely understand. All they knew was that it would make killing lilith so much easier.

"Thank you, and I am a bit...I have it under control for the moment though, that's why I could help you without too much trouble. But it is getting harder. I guess I'm just good at taking a leaf out of Dean's book and coming across more together than I think I actually am" he replied truthfully to her, not wanting to lie to the one girl who always understood him.

He swept some of her hair behind her ear and looked at her fondly.

Esme continued to walk by Dean’s side, back to Bobby’s in silence, with her hands in her jacket pockets. She looked at the ground ahead of her, thinking back on all the night's events and how bizarre and hurtful it had all been. Not really noticing, he was stomping away from her. She felt as if it had repeatedly stabbed and ripped her heart from her chest tonight. It still ached from it all. She sighed inwardly and shook her head softly to rid it of the thoughts running through it. She wanted the night to end; she wanted all the pain to stop; she wanted to find out who or what was doing this to them and for what purpose.

She looked over at him when she felt his gaze on her, wincing a bit as she saw his bruised eye and the sadness within both. She tried to smile to show she was okay to go alone, but just couldn’t muster it and sighed. “You’re right.” she agreed. “My mental state hasn’t been like this in some time, but……” He cut off when he reached over and pulled her arm into his. She knew it was a comfort move. Pulling her hands from her pockets, she placed her free hand on his arm, giving it a small squeeze. “I don’t really want to go alone, but I’ll be alright to. You need to make sure she’s alright and see if you can calm her, that’s the important thing right now.” she whispered.

After everything, she was half tempted to lay her head on his shoulder to comfort him more, but thought it would be a bad idea. “I’ll stick around if you want or need me to, but I’m going to stay out of her sight. I’m pretty sure she’d like to kill me right now. ” Esme fell silent as an image of Mika flashed before her, her face full of anger and hate with a gun pointed at her face. She gently shook it from her mind.

Cupid popped in to watch them, a smile on his face now that they were completely alone together. He looked at the two and sighed happily. His plan to get them alone was working, even if it caused a few problems. As he watched the two walk, he thought this would be the perfect time for another song for them. His smile turned into a large grin as he whipped up another melody to play softly around them, steadily growing louder by the minute.

Esme was doing her best to relax and calm her emotions, but she soon heard the melody start playing. She unconsciously gripped Dean’s arm and became tense as it became louder. She didn’t want to hear or sing another song tonight, but she soon felt the words bubbling up within her. She fought against them, closing her eyes tight, but they took hold of her and she began to sing once again. “I'm so glad you made time to see me. How's life? Tell me how's your family. I haven't seen them in a while….. You've been good, busier than ever, we small talk, work and the weather, your guard is up and I know why.”

She loosened her grip on his arm as she opened her eyes, slowed her steps, and fell behind him. “Because the last time you saw me is still burned in the back of your mind. You gave me roses, and I left them there to die.” As she sang, she brought her arms up around herself, wishing she could stop and not continue, but the words continued to pour out from her mouth and heart. “So this is me swallowing my pride, standing in front of you saying, ‘I'm sorry for that night’, and I'd go back to December all the time.” She fought against the urge to run up in front of him as she sang the words, and for once, won. Though she still couldn’t stop singing the song to Dean.

“It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you. Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine. I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right. I go back to December all the time.” She fell further back from Dean, half wishing he’d turn around and place his hand over her mouth to stop her from singing, but also hoping he wouldn’t turn around and watch her sing. “These days, I haven't been sleeping, staying up, playing back myself leaving. When your birthday passed and I didn't call. And I think about summer, all the beautiful times, I watched you laughing from the passenger side. Realized I loved you in the fall.”

She held back the tears that threatened to fall from her eyes from the words, she hated singing this even though the words were true and he probably needed to hear them. “And then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind. You gave me all your love and all I gave you was ‘Goodbye’. So this is me swallowing my pride standing in front of you, saying ‘I'm sorry for that night.’ And I'd go back to December all the time. It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you, wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine.” Esme blinked away the tears in her eyes, still half wished he’d help her stop.

She tried to bring her own hand to her mouth, but she couldn’t pull them from around herself. She screamed internally for the will to stop. “I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind. I go back to December all the time.” She tried again to pull her arms from around herself, this time only getting them as far up as her upper chest, gripping at her shirt. “I miss your tan skin, your sweet smile, so good to me, so right. And how you held me in your arms that September night. The first time you ever saw me cry. Maybe this is wishful thinking, probably mindless dreaming, if we loved again I swear, I'd love you right.”

She gripped her shirt tighter, hating she had to sing to him about love at a time like this. “I'd go back in time and change it, but I can't. So if the chain is on your door, I understand. But this is me swallowing my pride standing in front of you saying, ‘I'm sorry for that night.’ And I'd go back to December…… It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you, wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine. I'd go back to December, turn around and make it alright. I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind. I'd go back to December all the time…… All the time.”

When the song was over and the melody died away, she took in a shaky breath, slowly letting it out as she felt herself shaking from the effort of trying to control her actions. Esme closed the gap that had formed between them as she sang, but still walked a bit behind him. Her hands were still up to her chest as she willed herself not to let her tears fall from her eyes, too many tears had been shed this night.