Darin sat on the bed as she finished tugging on her boots, stalling just a bit before finally speaking, “I miss home. I miss you. Both have seemed so far away since we got to Azurei and Tasen. I’m terrified of doing the wrong thing about Harai, but I;m mad at you for leaving me and playing to go work. I know you had to do it, but I’m still mad at you. I’m mad at Harai too. Yesterday was supposed to be play, and he ruined it!” She buried her face in her hand, “Did I make a mistake by being The Seed-Bearer so publicly? Would my mother be proud of the woman I’m becoming? Does what she might or might not think even matter? For that matter, what type of woman am I becoming? Why do I let being called Astra-Sol bother me so much? Who the hell is Martin Aliceson? If he is my father, did he leave to join the Red Hand, or did he join later. For that matter, what is the Red Hand in the first place?” It was disjointed and unconnected, but it was all of the fears that plagued Darin since they had gotten to Tasen, “What if I mess up your wedding? Can I mess up your wedding? Why couldn’t I be polite to the Sols? I’m probably The Seed-Bearer because I’m a self-taught farmer, but what does that really mean? It’s not even all farming. Some of it is decisions like the one I have to make with Harai. Some of it is playing nice with politicians and other leaders.” She looked up at a wall as she worried the scar on her palm, “That doesn’t seem like something you can learn just by listening like learning about coffee and fishing. Or maybe it’s because I don’t have a frame of reference for it. If I learn how to talk to nobles and rulers will I become what Harai thought I was, someone who only cares about people with resources? Will I forget my roots?” She wasn’t crying but her voice was dead, “I can barely remember what my mother looks like. Or Thomas. Or Mila. Or anyone from home. Is that normal? I haven’t seen them in so long. I feel lost and untethered.” She finally looked at Ridahne, “What’s wrong with me? You’re so happy to be home, to see Ajoran, to get married. And I’m happy for you. I really am. I promise. But I feel like I’m losing you. And I know that I’m not. I promise I know that. But I don’t feel it. I’m sorry. I really am.”

It was a mess. She wasn’t crying, but none of Darin’s thoughts were organized. It was honestly surprising that she was coherent. Her knuckles hurt from where she hit the wall. The old scar on her palm ached from where she had pressed into it. She knew that Ridahne wouldn’t think less of her for any of those thoughts, but she was worried that she may have accidently broken her promise to come to Ridahne instead of running, by putting off this conversation for so long. She didn’t think so. It had four days since they had come to Tasen. It had felt so much longer. So much had happened that it was scary. Things were only going to move faster from this point forward. That was almost as scary as things that had already happened. What was she doing? Darin had no clue. It had been a long time since she had felt like this, like she was drowning.

Ridahne blinked quickly and leaned back as if a strong gust of wind slammed into her. She smiled. "You've been sitting on all that all night? Goodness Darin, no wonder you're stressed." She laughed lightly, but her tattooed face melted into a more sober expression. "I'm sorry all of this was put on you. You didn't ask for any of it. And frankly if you didn't feel even a little overwhelmed by it all, I'd worry for your sanity. But listen Darin," Ridahne put one hand on Darin's cheek and gently lifted her chin to look up into her own eyes. This gesture, touching someone else's face, was a very intimate thing in Azurei, reserved for family and extremely close friends. Ridahne's amber eyes looked hard for a moment as she said, "I am always working. Even when you don't notice, even when it seems like we're relaxing or doing nothing of dire importance. I am always working. To do otherwise would be a dereliction of my duty, of my sworn oath to you as your Guardian. More than that, as a Seed Chained, I don't think the Seed or the Tree would let me if I tried. I care deeply for you, Sister, but my first and foremost responsibility is your safety. If I must upset you to accomplish this, I will. Wouldn't be worth my salt as a Guardian otherwise."

Ridahne released Darin and her expression softened. "Don't worry about the Sols. They aren't used to getting stood up to, but they recognize you as an equal in terms of rank. And when no one else is watching, they also aren't always nice to one another." Ridahne chuckled. "I have a hard time being nice also. Not after what happened. Amaiera-Sol's apology to me meant the world and I won't forget it. But I also won't forget being used. Don't let niceties or formalities trouble you. As for Harai..."

Ridahne sighed, moving to look out a small window. "I don't think you or anyone else can make the right decision. I don't believe there always is a "right" decision. But there are moments when we have to make a choice, and all we can do is make the best one we possibly can at the time. Maybe it won't be right, not in the end or in some grander scale of morality. But you have to do the best you can regardless. It is all we can do." She said 'we' and it was clear she meant Darin's predicament but her own past as well. "If, when the time comes, you cannot make your own decision, seek the help of the Tree, or perhaps the Seed itself. It will not choose you and then abandon you to your fate, I think. But do not ask me," she said soberly. "I know what I would do, if the choice were left up to me. But is that the best choice? Who can say? I know you have doubts about your ability to be the Seed Bearer, but I think that's partly why it had to be you. Those who desire power often don't deserve it. And I think your values and experiences bring a balance to the way you handle choices like these. If it were me, I would not be balanced enough. I would be too harsh. Too rigid. To unforgiving. I might be decisive, but I would not be as kind, not as fair, not as understanding as you are. Whatever you might feel, Darin, you have already brought honor to your house, to your village, and I'm certain Talia would be proud of you." Ridahne let that sit for a moment, then smiled dryly. "And no, you can't ruin my wedding."

The edge returned to Ridahne's eyes a little. "And Martin...? There was once a time when it was my job to track down people, regardless of where they wandered, or how hard they tried to hide. I have been trained for many years to do this task in particular. If finding this Martin Aliceson is what you desire, then I offer my services."

Darin wanted to scowl as Ridahne mentioned always working because if though she didn’t like it, she knew it was true. Ridahne was a warrior and a guardian. That didn’t stop. It wouldn’t stop for a long, long time. At best there might be times that were less stressful, but Ridahne was Ridahne. She wasn’t going to let herself be distracted by something as childish as play. So, Darin didn’t scowl, and she resisted the urge to pout as listened to the rest of what the warrior had to say. Though the rest of it wasn’t any more comforting than the first part had been.

There wasn’t anything to say about Harai that hadn’t already been said. Darin really was just going to have to do her best. The Seed-Bearer didn’t want to ask The Tree, because she had a feeling that it was getting harder for The Tree to come and visit her dreams. She didn’t want to be the reason why The Tree died even a second before It had to. She had already consulted with the Sota-Sol, who had experience in this type of thing before, so realistically there was very little left to do except make a decision. It had to be the one that Darin thought was best, but to be honest none of them seemed anything close to the best. They were all bad.

Then the last thing Ridahne said finally penetrated Darin’s mind and she panicked, “No! Don’t leave! Stay with me! You can’t leave! Please don’t leave!”

Darin didn’t know what to do about Harai or Martin Aliceson or being The Seed-Bearer so publicly, but she did know that she didn’t want Ridahne leaving to go look for Martin Aliceson. She wanted her sister here with her. Nothing was worth separating the two of them. Well, that wasn’t completely true, but things like Ajoran and Ridahne starting a family would have to wait until just before the final stretch that would hopefully not come for a long, long time. For now, Darin had no desire to send Ridahne off to search for ghosts that Darin thought she had laid to rest. Clearly that wasn’t completely true, but that wasn’t important now.

She begged in almost pure desperation, “Your wedding! You can’t leave before your wedding. And he’s not that important! Besides if he really is Red Hand, we’ll run into this Aliceson soon enough! There’s no rush. Probably. Mostly likely. Stay with me Ridahne! Please don’t leave me. Please!”

How truly pathetic was this, The Seed-Bearer begging for just one person to stay. Darin was willing to give Ridahne to Ajoran, but that was different! She couldn’t explain it but it was different! It felt different! It felt like knowing that even though Milla and Thomas were her friends eventually it would be ThomasandMilla, MillaandThomas. One entity and then Darin on the side. Eventually it would be RidahneandAjoran, AroranandRidahne. One entity and then Darin on the side, but that didn’t mean she wanted Ridahne leaving now! She couldn’t leave now. Please! Don’t leave now! Especially not for someone who shouldn’t matter at all.

Darin found herself confessing, “The Gardener was old. Older than The Tree since He planted it. That means He got to watch everyone ever loved leave. That means.” She paused and sputtered as she finally realized the full implications of what truth she was saying crashed into her, “That means eventually I will have to watch everyone I love leave.” She hurried one to reassure her family, “Which is fine! I mean I have practice with it, and most of them will just leave when their age catches up to them.” She sighed as she ran a hand through her hair, “That doesn’t mean I want you to leave now.”

Ridahne watched Darin's face reflect a little disgruntlement as she spoke, but that mild disappointment suddenly bloomed into full blown horror. Darin's eyes went wide and Ridahne could feel the distress radiating off her as the human tried to convince Ridahne not to leave, as if she feared that Ridahne would fly off right that instant. Ridahne felt a pang of guilt for a moment as she recalled another time that Darin had misinterpreted the intention of her words many months ago when Darin declared her Seed Chained. She opened her mouth to try and correct her, but Darin kept going with a wild panic in her eyes. Ridahne's own went wide and she shook her head, finally managing a, "No, no, no!" She spread her hands in a placating gesture.

“That means eventually I will have to watch everyone I love leave.” Darin said.
"Darin--"
“Which is fine! I mean I have practice with it, and most of them will just leave when their age catches up to them.”
"Darin--"
“That doesn’t mean I want you to leave now.”
"DARIN." Ridahne only raised her voice a little--it was more firm than loud--but it was enough. She took hold of Darin's face in her slim hands with a steady grip and looked her squarely in the eyes. "I'm not going anywhere." This was an oath, a declaration, and her tone left no doubts. "That's not what I meant! I didn't mean that I'd leave you to go find this Martin, I meant WE could go. WEEE." Ridahne laughed softly. "You think I'd leave you to fend for yourself out there? Not a chance. I'd come back and find you hanging upside down in a tree like the day we first met. No, Darin, I meant that if you wanted, in OUR travels I could put my skills to use and WE could track him down. Together."

Ridahne finally released her. She didn't say too much regarding everyone Darin loved eventually dying, especially her fellow humans. That was a difficult reality of being human. Such short lives! But even elves were not immortal. She didn't want to acknowledge that either, not right now, so instead she said, "well don't worry, you can't get rid of me so easily. If I survive this journey, I've still got another five or six hundred years in me. And if I survive, I will not be the last of my house. My family will always be yours for as long as the world endures."

Darin couldn’t help herself. She moved to wrap her arms around Ridahne’s waist in a desperate hug, a human sign of trust on level with the Azurei touching a loved one’s face. Ridahne was easily one of Darin’s most important people in all of astra, in all the world. It had been that way for a long time now. And yes, they were sisters now, thanks to Hadian, but Darin wasn’t sure she had ever told Ridahne just what the warrior meant to her. Right now, might have counted, but the human wasn’t sure. This moment couldn’t last forever, but Darin really wanted to take this moment and stretch it out to eternity.

Darin still couldn’t help herself, “I love you Ridahne. I’m so glad that you’re here, with me. I’m not sure I could have ever done this without you.”

Okay, that was a total and complete lie. There was no way in all of Astra that Darin would have been able to do this without Ridahne. If it wasn’t for the warrior Darin would probably be dead in a ditch somewhere. Or worse, she be using her powers of communication with Astra more than she currently was, which might have led to The Tree helping her more, which would have meant The Tree would be dying even faster than it was currently. Right not Darin had hope of actually traveling all of Astra the way she really needed to. Without Ridahne, Darin’s entire strategy would have to had altered after meeting The Tree, which would not have been ideal at all.

Darin finally pulled away, “Okay. I think I’m okay. For now, at least.” She counted off on her fingers, “For today, I need to write my letters to Ravi and my mother. I need to talk to Harai, and we need to resupply, since we leave tomorrow.” She pressed the heels of her hands to her eyes, “I’m confidant I’m missing something.” Her hands dropped to her lap, “Can you think of anything else?”

Darin still wanted to head to Atakhara early the next morning. She had spent more than enough time in the city of Tasen. Not that her time in Tasen hadn’t been productive. She had learned a lot about Azurei and its people. She had also learned what being The Seed-Bearer openly would be like. All in all it had been a good stay, but it was starting to drag on, and Darin didn’t have the time to spend too much time anywhere. Tasen was a good place to rest and do things she couldn’t do in other places, like write to her mother and think. However, although this was Ridahne’s home, or one of them, it was just another market.

Darin suddenly remembered, “Oh! Is there something I can read about Azurei weddings? Or someone I can talk to? I don’t want to mess up yours, and I know you say I won’t, but that doesn’t give me an excuse to not know the basics.”