~ℂℝ𝕆𝕎𝕃𝔼𝕐~

Ugh. Crowley hated life. he hated others, he hated himself, and most of all, he hated the fact that he could not get this satan-forsaken rock out of his shoe, no matter what he did. as he was slumped on the couch, watching a show of people gambling their fortunes away, he cursed the slot machines with bad luck permanently. "'bout damn time. shouldn't have been wasting their lives anyway." you see, as a demon, crowley was required to curse a certain number of people each day, by the legions of hell. and he would also be rewarded for every person he tempted towards sin. however, when hell wrote these rules, they had been quite vague about the definition of tempting and cursing. So instead of that, crowley decided to minorly inconvenience people instead, which he was quite good at. leading to him becoming one of the most influential demons ever, without breaking the ten commandments once. He needed a break. So off he went, out of his room in the basement, smirking at people as he went, ready for his mission. out of the city that (almost) never sleeps! "Ugh. stupid rock in my shoe."

as he sits in his office, he thinks of something.
where is everybody? it's a minute after opening time! was I too harsh? did I give them too much cake? WAS IT THE KRONK-A-KOLA????
he breaks out crying in his office, clearly not realizing that his clock was off by two hours.

Jack walked into the office late (as usual) with no idea he was late (as usual), mumbling something to himself about compounds and the solvent for gold. He was forced out of the daydream, though, when he tripped on the doorway, letting out a little yelp, and just catching himself on the doorway with one of his spider legs.

He grumbled, and righted himself, noticing his boss looking worried at him from his usual spot. He looked like he had been crying.

Not particularly interesting.

In fact, there hadn’t been something truly interesting in ages. And judging by his desk vacant of case files, there wouldn’t be today, either.

He sighed as he went to sit at his desk, practically overflowing with vials and tubes of all different sizes filled with a plethora of different substances. Some were glowing, some fizzled with magic, some fizzled with just science, and some had turned a disappointing brown.

“Dang,” Jack sighed, picking up the vial with said disappointing substance. “I thought for sure the iodine would carbonize. Well, time to try the alcohol now, I guess.” He sat at that, setting the first vial aside for a bottle of clear liquid.

As he poured, he called out without looking away, “There don't happen to be any cases that came up last minute today that you didn’t have time to make a case file for, do there?”

as the boss was about to say something,
a call was received from the bosses' phone.
as the boss picks it up, he immediately hears something from the phone...
"COME QUICK! IT'S AN EMERGENCY!"
as the voice hangs up, the boss starts laughing.
Well, there's one!

~ℂℝ𝕆𝕎𝕃𝔼𝕐~

As the rolling desert hills passed by crowley in his bentley, playing "another one bites the dust", he was doing something no other demon could do. Imagine. You see, due to his prolonged exposure to mankind, crowley had begun to take on human ideals and aspirations. he no longer wanted to be evil, and was honestly more of a friend to all. the demons thought this was all a clever ruse, but crowley knew the better. he was good, whether he liked it or not. He imagined a world where he was human. capable of being saved. but that was just a fantasy. a pipe dream. he was a demon, and nothing would change that. not unless he could manage to win god's favor again, but that was unlikely.
As crowley arrived at his destination, Dunes Haven Orphanage, he found a girl in a yellow sweatshirt and orange pants, and white sneakers awaiting him. *Beep Beep!* "'Ello, m'lady Azrael! hope i wasn't too late, your chariot awaits. also what are you doing, hiding out here anyway? It is abandoned, in case you haven't noticed." Azrael smiled, and got in the passenger's seat next to him. "c'mon, get on with it. we've got a company to visit, anyhow. " she closed her eyes. "and besides... you do owe me a date." and they rode off to the east, toward the AMF headquarters, ready to cause some chaos.
Azrael: Aka the angel of death ⏚

*yawns in purple*
what a wonderful day.
he brewed himself a fresh cup o' Joe, he did some yoga, all within the course of 5 seconds because he has the ability to control time. (you cannot believe how wonderful that is for tax season!)

But, suddenly, the phone rings, making Jack finally cast his eyes away from his experiment as his boss picks up. Boss’s eyes blow wide for a moment as Jack can just hear a voice yell frantically through the phone. But then Boss’s eyes crinkle and he laughs. Jack smiles as he turns back to his work. He knows even before his boss says anything that the age of nothing interesting is ending abruptly, without pretense, and most probably with entirely horrible and completely wonderful theatrics.

As he continues prepping his experiment for the blowtorch, Jack catches his boss doing his five second morning routine. He would have to figure out what he could bribe Boss with to let Jack study his abilities someday soon, but for now he pulled out the torch and flipped down his goggles.

“Imma torch, okay?” He called out, using two of his spider legs to clear a space on the desk to set the now purple, gooey substance on. He flicked off the safety on the handle, whispered “Algerfraster,” and torched.

~ℂℝ𝕆𝕎𝕃𝔼𝕐~

Crowley was in a stupendous mood. Having his lady Azrael in his flaming car was sending butterflies through his stomach, and he was about to lie to a corporation. Not the AMF, of course. no, he was on their side. but rather, he was about to betray the Opened Eye. He never knew their goals, after all, and that has always put him on edge. Better the enemy you know than the enemy you don't! Besides, even though he hated lying, it still felt so good. he was a demon after all, and you can't change what you are. As they pulled up to the AMF headquarters, Crowley's playlist, that was currently playing bicycle race by Queen, blasted at maximum volume, mostly to alert anyone on the first few floors of his presence, but also because he loved Queen. he got out of the 1932 3.5 liter Bentley, he yelled at the top of his lungs, as he began smoking. not with a cigar, but like, literally, smoke was coming off of him.

"I KNOW YOU BUSINESS AMF PEOPLE ARE UP THERE, DUE TO THE LOGO LITERALLY BEING ON THE SIDE OF THE BUILDING! I WOULD LIKE TO SPEAK WITH YOUR BOSS, AS I HAVE SOME VERY VITAL INFORMATION! AND THE LONGER YOU WAIT, THE LONGER I PLAY MY PLAYLIST, AT MAXIMUM VOLUME! SO HURRY UP!" yelling like this was a practically everyday occurence for crowley, and was so powerful, that through the sheer power of yelling alone, a demon such as crowley had managed to grow plants in the desert, without water. His yells were capable of supernaturatural feats, so he expected someone to come quickly. then again, human's were extraordinary creatures.

as he walked to his desk after the bathroom, he heard the screams.
he opened the window, to see a weird, flaming, WAIT WASN'T THAT THE HOBO WHO NEARLY BURNT DOWN THE BUILDING A FEW MONTHS AGO?
bro do you need help? and yes, I will listen.
he burst out laughing. funniest shit EVER.

Myrddin, who had been studing ancient documents for some time now, noticed the scream, he openned the door to see at the burning man, he seemed familiar.

"Wait a minute... i know him..." Myrddin seemed to recognize Crowley from somewhere, from the window he screamed. "HEY YOU, THE BURNING CROW GUY, DO I KNOW YOU???", Myrddin gave him a serious glance.

~ℂℝ𝕆𝕎𝕃𝔼𝕐~

FINALLY, someone had bloody noticed him! "Ugh, finally." Crowley conjured up a bottle of wine in a burst of sparks, and drank it all. then crowley threw it to the ground, but before it could actually hit, it was swallowed up in a tiny portal to hell. faint screams could be heard before it closed. Azrael, Crowley's lady and the angel of death, was simply chilling in the car, drinking a bud light and blasting blitzkrieg bop. crowley resumed yelling, but this time at the old wizened brat before him. "NOW LISTEN HERE, GREYBEARD, UNLESS YOU'RE THE BOSS OF THIS PLACE, OR YOU'VE GOT SOMETHING INTERESTING TO TALK ABOUT, I'M REALLY NOT IN THE MOOD!" Crowley looked around, then said, "Or if you've got a beer. i'll take that too. AND FOR THE LAST TIME I'M NOT A CROW, I'M A SNAKE! A BLOODY SNAKE!" He bared his venomous fangs to show. "see?"

suddenly, the phone rang;
ooohhh! a phone call! who is it?
he walked over to the phone, and picked it up.
hello, this is the amf.
what?
oh.. oh my god this is horrible!
ok, i'll be there.
he hung up.
hey uh, I have buisness to attend to.
one of you, go to the address, a client came in. or else you're fired. take the amf van, it has the directions.

Who was this guy, frankly, who was he, he couldn't put his finger onto it, but he knew him from somewhere, Myrddin rose his eyebrow at Crowley.

"No, i don't have beer... and why the wings, if your a serpent... why do you have wings???", Myrddin said, he focused a bit more on his appearence, he was burning, he had a features from multiple animals, holy sh** he's a demon, aura and all, Myrddin could see it with his senses, he became silent for a bit, not wanting him to say anything more.

~ℂℝ𝕆𝕎𝕃𝔼𝕐~

His wings. his fangs eyes and tongue were on display for the world to see, but how had this bumbling mortal fool been able to see his wings? no. this wasn't right. His shadow grew longer and darker, as did all the shadows around him. even the sky grew slightly grey and stormy. the music stopped. " Only 2 types of beings in this world can see spiritual beings for what they truly are. Angels, and demons. an angel would've killed me by now, but a demon... a demon would take the time to manipulate me. Now you better fess up and admit what you are right now you bloody bastard, or i'm gonna send you to whichever side of the afterlife you belong. " Crowley took out his scorpion assault rifle and an american themed assault rifle, and had them both pointed at the ground. "No one can lie to me. I'm the person who invented the very concept of lying. If you lie, you'll be tasting the power of the second amendment in between the eyes." Azrael, who was now dressed like the grim reaper, started clapping. "Doing great boo!" "thanks hon'."

Myrddin frowned, he looked to Crowley, with one hand on the air, he began to cast a quick spell, "Frankly i don't have time and i pretty much don't wanna be fired.", His fingers began to glow a golden yellow, before he said one last thing, "This will not kill you, you're a demon after all, but... at least it will stun you up a bit, here you have my gift... Mana Paralying Art: 1 Minute...", A small blast of golden energy was shot at Crowley, but not with the intention to kill him, it will not do it.

*he rubs the temple of his nose*
now get. in. THE VAN!
his form shifts a little bit, becoming distorted and unnatural for a second.

~ℂℝ𝕆𝕎𝕃𝔼𝕐~

Crowley pointed his finger at the ray, redirecting it, and with his other hand, shooting it right back at the magic old bugger. this was definetly no mortal, but if it would work on crowley, it would work on him. "Ha! night night, dumbledore!"

Myrddin rolled his eyes mere moments before his own spell hit him, with a blink of his eyes he vanished... just to appear next to the van mere moments later, he looked at Crowley with a side glance, "Listen, Impy, i can't play catch with you and i don't wanna play catch with you, now... let's go boss..."