[OOC] Coruscant Sacked: Aftermath

[Demonic Angel]

@FallenreaperI'm kinda holding it up

[Fallenreaper]

Slowly making Progress on the collab with Rtron!

[Fallenreaper]

Alright, ROLL CALL. All active Players it is time to sound off!

[Rtron]

Active and in Texas

[Demonic Angel]

yo

[Ellri]

Ryndarra review #2.3n

What is the prisoner wearing? Is this what the prisoner wore prior to capture?
White clothing is not exceedingly unique, and the Sith do know a lot more about the Jedi than the Jedi know about them. As one who has played SWTOR, you know they’ve got agents hidden among the Jedi. Thus they would know that clothing has little no no relevance for rank among the Jedi.

Scratch the “mobile” bit of the kolto tank. Now that they are on Feena, she would have been transferred to a stationary one, in the central compound medical bay.

Nice and practical to have a list of injuries and a few open “plot hooks”.

Were any items confiscated upon capture?
Minor grammar. “Gilted” We presume you mean “Gilded”, as from the sources we checked, it is reshaped like that in the case you used it.
What mistakes led to the prisoner’s captivity?
“Wrong place, wrong time. Perhaps consider reversing it, “right place and right time to be liberated from Jedi indoctrination”?

How powerful is the padawan in the Force?
Could you include the name of the parent in this section, or edit it so that it doesn’t appear to be an unknown?

What is the Jedi’s history? What events has shaped his or her life before and after joining the Jedi Order?
There is no law dictating that Sith are to be trained at the academy. The only imperial law related to this is that all Force-sensitives must be trained. As such, if his father had had no plans to send her to Korriban, then it simply wouldn’t have been a concern for him. “No. I will train her personally.” is a far more plausible response than a full-on rage.

A full rage like that over something like this would be a sign of weakness to all his enemies. If he’s got any political talent at all, he would never let such show to anyone.

Character history as a whole:
Structure-wise it doesn’t quite make sense to have the first paragraph of her diary, well first. It is the “latest” entry, yet starts speaking of the oldest stuff next. Sort of like sticking Z at the front of the alphabet, only to go A, B, C, D… After that.

All sections not pointed out above are within acceptable parameters.