[IC] Be my Sanctuary

[LuckyBlackCat]

Jessamyn "Jess" Bailey

Act normal. What with everything going on, Jess didn't even know what was normal any more. "Thanks. I'll... I'll make sure she doesn't suspect anything," she replied, although this was less than likely to convince Roxy. She couldn't even convince herself. How many more sources of stress would she end up heaping on the anchor?

She sat back down, still trying to figure out what to type. She was no good at hiding things, even from strangers, going by the reactions of customers and the till person in the cafe. How on earth was she going to hide this from family?

By starting small, she decided, tapping the keys. If she couldn't put up a convincing act face to face yet, maybe she could do so over emails. She read over the message she'd decided on, simply asking her mother when she was next free, making sure it seemed cheerful and casual enough. Then, trying to ignore the squirming in her stomach, she pressed the button.

There. She'd sent it. She couldn't really have sent any other message. In between now and when she next saw her mom, she'd have to learn to put up a better facade if she was to keep the three of them safe. Which would take time, but if she'd made excuses not to meet after such a long absence, her mother would have gotten suspicious - not of criminal activity, but of Roxy. Which wouldn't have helped the situation for any of them.

[KatherinWinter]

Roxy wasn't convinced that Jess could convince her mother that nothing was wrong. The empath was a terrible liar. She didn't know if it was all the years of isolations or if Jess had always been that way. It didn't matter. Not really. All that mattered was Jess try to act like she always had around her family and friends. Roxy wasn't looking forward to Jess getting her feet under her. Right now the empath was fine with catching up with her mom but eventually she would want more.

The next three days were quiet. They settled into a routine. Roxy woke up at about six each morning. She went out to the main room and practiced her martial arts. At seven she took Jess over to the cafe to get breakfast. She only got coffee for herself. Then she went back to the garage and opened for the day. She worked until lunch until she took Jess to lunch. They ate upstairs. Roxy tried to give Jess as much space as she could. After they ate they went back downstairs and Roxy worked until seven when she closed up and took Jess to supper. They were still watched but luckily they had no more visitors. Roxy knew it wouldn't be long before they did. Hopefully the quiet days would help Jess settle in.

[LuckyBlackCat]

Jessamyn "Jess" Bailey

For the next few days, Jess did her best to establish a routine, although wariness simmered beneath that pretense of normality. She started getting some sleep, even if it was disturbed by nightmares. She went with Roxy to get meals from the cafe, training herself not to glance around like a frightened mouse even though all too aware of eyes on the two of them. She limited herself to one coffee a day, no matter how fitfully she'd slept the previous night. Cutting down on caffeine was one way she could ease her nerves at least somewhat, and easing her nerves was of utmost necessity.

Of course, doing so was no easy task. While she worked at the desk - the one thing she could do for Roxy - she remained alert for suspicious people the entire time, although no such customers arrived. The usual clientele consisted of gruff yet nonthreatening people, each visit bringing relief. Even so, as Jess practiced acting confident or at least like less of a wreck, worry built up under the surface.

That worry spiked during a call she received one evening, just after dinner. "Uh..." She looked across the room at Roxy, reminding herself not to bite her lip. She had to get out of the habit of letting nervousness show. "Mom says she's able to get the weekend off work. Would... going over be ok? Or would it be best for her to come here again? Either Saturday or Sunday, or both?"

Realising how tightly she was grasping the phone, she forced herself to relax her grip. She could let no sign of anything out of the ordinary show. If her mother jumped to the wrong conclusion, or drew the right one, she'd contact the authorities in an instant - and what would that mean for the three of them?

[KatherinWinter]

Over the next couple of days Roxy tried to imagine what Jess' life would have been in isolation. She had even go so far as to read a couple of articles on the effects of long term isolations. But honestly she couldn't understand Jess' behavior. Isolation would have been heaven to her. She had never been much of a people person. Her life had never allowed her to be. Things would be a lot different if she had be the empath rather than Jess. It would have been hard for the other woman to convince her to rejoin society.

"This weekend is fine. They tend to be slower anyway." Which wasn't a complete lie. Roxy filled the hours working on whatever jobs she could fine. She didn't like having time on her hands. Free time lead to thinking which generally lead to things she didn't want to think about. She avoid thinking whenever possible. She would have to find a way to fill the hours at Jess' mom's.

"If she doesn't mind me staying at her place we will go there after work Friday. You and her can spend as much time together as possible and I will try not to intrude too much." Roxy had no delusions that she would be included. She was pretty sure Jess' mom wanted as little to do with her as possible.

[LuckyBlackCat]

Jessamyn "Jess" Bailey

Even as Roxy accepted, Jess could tell she wasn't letting on everything. The mention of slow weekends brought on a twinge of discomfort. Over the past few days, it had become clear Roxy liked - or rather, needed - to keep herself busy. Given the circumstances, Jess couldn't blame her.

She nodded before resuming the phone conversation, letting her mother know Friday was fine. Afterwards, she slumped in a chair, staring at the blank screen and resting her head on one hand, before turning her attention back towards Roxy. She didn't want to ask this, but she had to know.

"Those people..." She could already imagine the figures blending into crowds, sharp eyes scrutinising the three. "Will they be around?" Hunching forward, she pushed back hair that hung in her face, her hands pressing into her forehead. "She can't know. I've got to make sure she doesn't notice anything about this... The problem is, noticing these things is something she's pretty good at. As well as acting on them." She sighed before continuing. "It's what she does. She's a social worker. So if she thinks... if she knows something's wrong..."

Instead of finishing the sentence, she bit her lip. Her mother had fought to get her the help she needed, contacted countless groups to try and get her matched up with someone, and would put up the same battle to fix any further problems she saw. The only reason her mom hadn't already gotten any authorities involved was likely a mix of insufficient proof and the difficulty of finding anchors, no matter what she thought of Roxy, but she'd be watching out for any issues.

If the slightest thing went wrong... Jess didn't want to imagine what would happen.

[KatherinWinter]

Roxy snorted when Jess said her mother was a social worker. She couldn't help it. She had had dealings with social workers in the past. As far as she was concerned they were a good doers who couldn't actually do jack shit. The few who actually wanted to help the angry girl she had been were trapped by red tape. The others had been bought off by her father. She didn't doubt that Jess' mom would notice the people watching them simply because the empath couldn't stop noticing them.

"In case you haven't noticed I have no control over these people. They do what they want to do. Will they be watching. Probably. They have always been watching me so I doubt they will stop just because your mom might spot them." Roxy answered honestly. She was as honest with Jess as she could be. Mostly because it wasn't the empath's fault that her crap was making their lives difficult.

"Your mom has probably already seen my file. I'm sure she'll think the moron's hanging around are just there to protect me and keep you out of harm's way." Her file didn't say anything interesting. She had never personally been in any serious trouble. Fighting was her biggest offence. And all of that had been in self defence. Not that anyone believed her.

[LuckyBlackCat]

Jessamyn "Jess" Bailey

That snort, as well as the wave of disdain from the anchor, told Jess exactly what Roxy thought of social workers. She considered saying something to defend her mother, but thought better of aggravating an already stressful situation by starting an argument. Roxy probably had reasons for her distrust.

"I know... I know, it's just..." Jess sighed. "The important thing is she doesn't figure anything out. It's like you said, then... acting normal will be the key."

The question was, though, could she act normal? Over the past few days, she'd tried training herself not to get tense or twitchy around the watchers, but she'd only had a short timeframe. Even if she managed to half-successfully go along with the act, would her mother see through it?

[KatherinWinter]

Friday even came before Roxy was ready. Not that she would have ever been ready. Dealing with family, even one that wasn't her own wasn't ideal. She wanted to avoid it at all cost but she knew that wasn't possible. Jess needed her family. Probably now more than ever. Hopeful Jess' mother would get used to her or she would get used to the older woman. She planned to give the pair as much space as she could.

She slammed the heavy door down. She had packed that morning. Mostly because she had needed something to do and wanted it done. She figured Jess would want to leave as soon as possible. Maybe being in a place where she felt relatively safe the empath would be able to relax. Roxy had done everything she could to make Jess feel safe but she knew that her own emotions weren't helping with that.

"Ready to go?" Roxy asked as she headed to the door to flip the sign. They would lock the door on the way out. She wasn't looking forward to the trip. They had to rent a car. No way the two of them plus luggage could take her bike. Which meant she would be trapped in a car for who knew how long. She pushed the thought aside knowing he claustrophobia wouldn't help. She needed to ignore her feelings so that Jess could function.

[LuckyBlackCat]

Jessamyn "Jess" Bailey

"Yeah," Jess replied, despite the conflicting feelings knotting inside her. It was like just before her mom's visit several days ago, only worse. Eager as she was to catch up on lost time with her family, there was even more at stake now. Not to mention being back at her old place would feel weird without her dad around...

She dragged her suitcase, waves of anxiety intensifying as she neared Roxy. Given the upcoming car journey, Jess knew it wasn't just about having to deal with other people. "Uhm..." She tried to give a comforting smile. "It'll only be around an hour from here."

Her earlier check of an online map had revealed it really would take no more than an hour, but would that be enough to reassure Roxy? She recalled each minute stretching out during their previous vehicle journeys together, that stress-distorted sense of time spilling over from the anchor. An hour may normally sound like a short length of time, but it wouldn't to Roxy.

Way to make the situation worse, not better, Jess inwardly scolded herself.

[KatherinWinter]

Roxy glared at Jess not liking that the woman was picking up on her discomfort. "An hour for you in the car is like a day to me. Let's get this over with." It wasn't really the empath's fault. The woman had been trying to help. She was grateful it wasn't further. The whole weekend was going to be stressful. At least for her. She was going to on the outside looking in. She would watch Jess bond with her mom.

Loneliness swept through her. She had mostly accepted that she would never know a parents love. Which wasn't a problem when she wasn't constantly reminded of what she would never have. She opened the door and stormed out to the garage. She waited for Jess to exit before looking the door. Than she stormed to the car. "Do you want to drive?" She asked.

It would be easier for the empath to drive sense she knew where they were going but Jess might not be ready to do so. Driving took concentration which Jess might not be capable of with their damaged shield. But she wanted to give the empath the option. It was important that the other woman start to live normally. Roxy wanted to make sure that Jess knew that she had choices now. Despite the situation she wanted to give the empath back her life.

[LuckyBlackCat]

Jessamyn "Jess" Bailey

Jess grimaced at Roxy's answer. "I'm sorry, I know..." She trailed off. Her words weren't empty ones, she really did know, having taken on that warped sense of time from the anchor before - but the last thing Roxy needed was a reminder of someone intruding into feelings she tried to keep locked away.

Guilt spread through her as she trudged outside, not just about the weak attempt to cheer up Roxy. There it was again, that loneliness welling up in the anchor and leaking out, like a wound that kept opening up and bleeding instead of healing. Because I keep opening it up, the empath thought.

She cringed again as the anchor asked if she wanted to drive. She appreciated that Roxy was trying to give her more freedom, but... "Uh, well, I haven't had actual driving lessons yet," she admitted. "I did a theory test and was going to, but then... Umm, that plan got put on hold. I can give you directions, though."

She'd thought she'd already mentioned this, before the drive from the cabin to Roxy's place, but that day had been such a whirl of ups and downs, she wasn't sure if she fully remembered such a detail among more significant ones. If she really had told her, given everything the anchor must have had to think about, Jess didn't blame her if what she'd said had slipped her mind.

[KatherinWinter]

Jess might think she knew. In a way she had an idea. But it was just that. A vague knowledge. More than most people would have Roxy had to admit but that was all. The empath truly didn't understand how being in a car for that long would would feel. She nodded as she opened the driver's door. She rolled her eyes when Jess pointed out she hadn't had driving lessons. The woman had studied the book. Now she only needed to practice.

"I remember. I thought you might want to practice. But whatever." She slide into the driver's seat and jammed the keys into the ignition. She was going to have to give Jess lessons. This had seemed like a good time. The highway was straight so the empath wouldn't have had to worry about signs or lanes or any of the other driving challenges. Just staying in the lane. Which would have been enough of a challenge.

She slammed the door closed and waited for Jess to get in. Already she could feel the car closing in. She pushed the feeling to the back of her mind so that she could focus on driving and following Jess' directions. The sooner they got where they were going the happier she would be. This weekend was for Jess. The empath needed it. More than that she deserved it.

[LuckyBlackCat]

Jessamyn "Jess" Bailey

Another shudder ran through Jess as her words brought on a flare of annoyance in the anchor. Way to try to reassure Roxy by saying stupid thing after stupid thing. "Well... I mean I'm not going to claim to understand completely," she admitted. Even if she picked up on the feeling of time slowing down, that didn't mean she had any idea what it was like to directly experience it - or why Roxy felt that way. How presumptuous she must have sounded. "And about the lessons, a learner in the driver's seat probably wouldn't make things any less stressful... Unless it'd give you something to focus on. Uh, what would you prefer to do?"

Hoping she hadn't said the wrong thing again, she hauled her suitcase into the back of the car. Maybe driving lessons would be mutually beneficial, or maybe they'd be yet another burden on the woman who'd already put herself out for her in many ways. If that was the case, she'd wait. Once the shield strengthened enough, she'd be able to get lessons from someone else, not out of ingratitude but so that Roxy wouldn't have to torture herself. Who knew how long it would be, though, until they could safely be apart?

She opened the door to the front passenger seat, ready to climb in if Roxy wanted to stay behind the wheel.

[KatherinWinter]

"Nothing is going to make this less stressful Jess. Stress is a part of life. It a major part of life. You learn to deal with it. Get in so we can get this trip over with." Roxy growled as she slammed the door closed and started the car. She had no idea how to handle Jess. No one had ever asked her preference. She had never had a choice or an option. She did what she was told or paid the price. Sometimes the price was worth it sometimes it wasn't her decision was generally based of that knowledge.

She knew Jess was doing her best. The problem was that they were so different. Roxy had no doubt that the empath had problems of her own. Who didn't. But they were different. Not less. Roxy would never assume that her problems were bigger or more important than anyone else's. Hers were more intense then most but she could handle them. She had been handling them for years. She fiddled with the radio to have something to do. She need to keep her mind off the fact that she was about to be trapped. Once Jess got in the car she would be trapped for at least an hour.

[LuckyBlackCat]

Jessamyn "Jess" Bailey

"Sorry!" Without another word, Jess climbed into the car. Her ribs started tightening as if the small, closed space contained little oxygen. Calm down, Roxy's the one suffering, she kept telling herself. She couldn't make the situation any better, than much was clear, but she didn't want to make it worse by letting the panic she took on show.

As Roxy flipped between radio stations, Jess tried to focus on the snippets of music that faded in and out from the static. At least they both had that as a distraction - not that it did much to ease the anchor's feeling of being trapped.

It was only when the car started moving that the empath spoke again, guiding Roxy while looking out for street names and images she recognised from the map. It was only a small way of helping, but it was something. Then again, like Roxy had said, nothing could help in any significant way right now.

[KatherinWinter]

Roxy settled on some oldies. She liked music but she had no preference. followed Jess' directions. She turned it on just so there wouldn't be silence. She and Jess should have talked. But she had no idea what to say. They should be friends but she didn't know how to do that. What could she say? What could she tell the empath that wouldn't overwhelm her? She didn't know so she said nothing.

It wasn't enough of a distractions to keep her from feeling like the walls of the car were closing in on her. She tried to distract herself but all she could think of was how much this weekend was going to suck. Jess' mom would notice their watchers. She would ask questions. Questions neither of them could answer. There was no way the other woman was going to like her. Not that Roxy wanted to be like. But it would have been nice not to be rejected again for things that were outside her control.

Time passes slowly. The trip might have only taken an hour but it felt more like a whole day to Roxy. She was exhausted, stress, and frustrated. But she shoved the emotions aside. Jess didn't need them. The woman had enough of her own to deal with. This couldn't be easy on the empath. Roxy reminded herself that Jess was in a situation she knew little about and was doing her best to adapt. That was all she could ask.

[LuckyBlackCat]

Jessamyn "Jess" Bailey

At the music Roxy settled on, Jess resisted the urge to dig her nails into her palms. This was what her dad had liked to listen to. Not wanting to make the anchor feel guilty, she kept this to herself despite the memories it brought back. Throughout the journey, she only spoke to give directions.

As much as she wanted to talk more, what could she say? She'd never exactly been a party animal before all this, but she hadn't been terrible at interacting with people either. A simple conversation shouldn't be difficult. One wrong word, though, could add to that already overwhelming stress Roxy did her best to contain.

The journey seemed to take so long that at one point, Jess wondered if she'd gotten the directions wrong until familiar surroundings came into view. Not much longer now, she thought, even if to them - especially to Roxy - it would still take a good while.

Finally, her mom's house came into view. The sight should have brought relief, but all Jess could think about was how to get through the weekend incident free. "Well, we're here," she said, attempting a hint of a smile as she pointed out the building. Act normal. She inwardly repeated Roxy's words over and over while the car pulled up. Act completely normal.

She climbed out and dragged her suitcase along the path, trying to keep her back straight and look reasonably confident, although she couldn't help jittering as she rang the doorbell. Footsteps sounded, and her mom pulled open the door, greeting her with a smile.

"Hey, how have you been? Come on in!" Even though her mother's eyes were lit up with joy, Jess noticed the dark circles were still there. This weekend was meant to be a time of happiness, but as Jess stepped into the hallway and tried to convince her mom everything had been great, she wondered how much stress everyone would go through over the next few days.

"I knew you'd start readapting just fine," her mother continued, a trace of skepticism clear in her voice and seeping through that good cheer like drizzle on an otherwise pleasant day. A reminder she knew there was more going on than anyone would admit to. "And you," she said, her voice taking on a slight strained quality as she turned to Roxy, "how are you?"

[KatherinWinter]

Roxy was relieved when they finally arrived at Jess' mom's place. Of course the feeling didn't last long. She got out of the car and took a deep breath. She finally felt like she could breath. She had been struggling to get air into her lungs during the trip. But now she had to face a whole new level of stress.

She hadn't felt so out of place in years. She didn't belong here. This house belonged to a family. Something she had never had. Roxy honestly didn't know how to deal with this situation or the emotions it stirred. She shoved as much of the emotions as possible aside. They wouldn't help anyone.

Roxy followed Jess to the door. She tried not to notice the joy in the older woman's eyes. She knew no one would ever look at her like that. She stood behind Jess doing her best to be invisible and not attracted attention. She tried to convince herself that she was fine with both of them ignored her all weekend. This weekend was for them. Not her. Nothing was for her. Distracted by her own thoughts Roxy almost didn't her Jess' mom talking to her. "I'm here." She answered simply. What else could she say? The older woman didn't want to know the truth. No one ever did. She had accepted that long ago.

[LuckyBlackCat]

Jessamyn "Jess" Bailey

The house was as Jess remembered it, and yet off somehow. The warm cream colour of the walls, the old-fashioned furniture, those were the same, but the feeling of belonging wasn't there. This was part of a life she'd left behind long ago. Or rather, a life the girl in the wall photo had left behind. A teenaged brunette grinned in the picture, carefree as she leaned against railings by a sunlit sea, her dad smiling beside her. Now, both were gone, the girl replaced with a shell of a person traipsing through a building she'd once called home.

Part of the out of place feeling was doubtlessly coming from Roxy. The anchor trailed behind, barely speaking. On some level, Jess wished she could make her feel more welcome, as her mother was making every effort to do despite her distrust. Even if she could, though, it wouldn't be a good idea. There were good reasons why Roxy distanced herself from others.

"Would either of you like anything?" Jess' mom asked. "Any coffee?"

Jess weighed the options in her mind. What was it to be, jitters from too much caffeine, or jitters from too many disturbed nights' sleep? Either would get in the way of acting normal. "That'd be great, thanks," she replied, knowing that refusing or asking for decaf could hint at the nervousness she tried to conceal.

What she'd really like was a comfortable, relaxing break for all three of them, but that wasn't going to happen.

[KatherinWinter]

"Sure." Roxy answered when Jess' mom looked at her. She didn't want them to include her. Not that she wanted to be excluded. Honestly she didn't know what she wanted. She didn't belong here but she had to be her. Even without the threat from her past hovering over their heads this would have been awkward. She had never been a social person. She had no idea how to be a part of something. She knew she would have to find a balance for Jess' sake.

She followed the other two staying back as far as she could. She didn't want to intrude. This was their time. They needed to bound again. She could tell they wanted to. She supposed neither knew how to close the gap between them. Her presence wasn't helping. She could only hope that they would be able to get past that in time. She would give them as much time as she could.