[IC] Be my Sanctuary

[LuckyBlackCat]

Jessamyn "Jess" Bailey

Don't mess this up, don't mess this up, don't mess this up, Jess told herself, following her mom to the living room once the coffee was made. The room was as it always had been, neat and tidy yet comfortable. Deceptively comfortable. She shouldn't be so nervous about visiting family, but people who knew her well were the ones to be most careful around. They'd easily spot anything out of the ordinary.

During the catch-up, she did her best to keep up the act. She tried to look and sound cheerful as she chatted. She drank the coffee in slow sips, to avoid the effect of too much caffeine at once. She was just starting to settle at least somewhat when her mom said something that sent a fresh wave of panic through her. Something she'd been half expecting, all the while hoping not to hear.

"So," said her mother, eyes flicking from Jess to Roxy, "you must both be hungry. How about we celebrate properly this time, and head out to a restaurant?"

The watchers. That was Jess' first thought. Surely they'd follow. "Uh... Yeah! I'd love to!" she blurted, putting on what she hoped was an enthusiastic tone. "Roxy, how about you? What kind of meal? There are quite a few places around here."

Knowing full well that Roxy was no more keen on the idea than she was, the empath steadied her grip on the coffee mug. She could show no signs of anxiety. She raised the cup to her lips, only to splash the liquid down her front.

At her startled yelp, her mother sprang up. "Oh, Jess! Are you ok? I'll get you something to clean up with."

Jess tried to laugh off what had happened. "Yeah, I'm fine, just being clumsy," she replied, setting the mug down on a coaster and standing up. The coffee contained enough milk that it wasn't scalding hot, and had gone on her rather than the sofa, but that was acting normal gone right out of the window.

That ever growing concern her mother gave off proved it. "I know this is all taking some getting used to," she said, "but really, there's nothing to be so nervous about. I'm sure getting out and about will do you good."

Maybe it would, Jess thought, if not for the constant scrutiny of less than law-abiding types. "Yeah... I'll just go change shirts." She turned towards Roxy in a gesture for her to wait nearby, giving her an apologetic look. She hadn't even been here an hour, and was already in danger of screwing everything up.

[KatherinWinter]

Roxy tired not to roll her eyes when Jess panicked at the thought of going out of the house. After being watched for a week one would think the woman would be used to it. It wasn't as if the watchers were going to hurt them. No Jess and her mother were safe. She would make sure of that. But first she needed to get the empath to act less like she is terrified. "Sure whatever you guys want to do. Just think of me as an accessory."

She followed Jess out of the room. She usually gave the empath as much space as possible but they needed to talk without her mom overhearing them. "Jess you need to calm down. It isn't like we are going to be gunned down or arrested when we leave the house. If you don't stop asking like you're about to be caught committing some crime your mother is going to be convinced that I forced you into a life of crime. Take a deep breath. It doesn't matter if they watch us. They aren't going to hurt you or your mother. You're mother can think whatever she wants about me. I don't care." Roxy assured Jess. She couldn't let the older woman's opinion matter. Jess was stuck with her so her mother was going to have to deal with the life she lead. As messed up as it was.

[LuckyBlackCat]

Jessamyn "Jess" Bailey

Jess took a deep breath as she hauled her suitcase upstairs. Roxy was right. By panicking at the thought of her mother possibly noticing something, she'd make that much more likely to happen. "Sorry," she whispered. "I'll do my best to ignore them." She had to. Even with the lingering reminder of the situation in the background, she'd have to act like it was just a normal family outing.

She headed into a room, closing the door behind her. Her room. No, not hers any more. This was weird, being back in this room after five years, books for teens still on the shelves and posters of bands she'd long since lost interest in on the walls. It felt like it belonged to someone else, or had once done. She dug a fresh top out of her suitcase and changed out of the coffee stained one into it, then opened the door to the anchor waiting outside.

"And seriously..." she added. "This is your choice too. What kind of food do you want?"

[KatherinWinter]

"Notice them. Flip them off. I don't care. Just just stop acting like you're going to be attacked if you breath wrong." Roxy countered. She wanted Jess to be herself. Which she got wasn't easy in the situation the empath had been thrown into. But they had made it through several days without anything happening. Ic that wasn't enough to ease Jess' nerves than no amount of time would.

"Jess I seriously don't have a preference. I will eat whatever you and your mom choose. I'm not picky." It wasn't her choice and they both knew it. She wasn't here because she was Jess' friend or significant other. She was here because she had to be. They were including her because they had to. Roxy had no delusions about why she was here. She wasn't going to pretend that they wanted her here. No one wanted her and she accepted that.

[LuckyBlackCat]

Jessamyn "Jess" Bailey

Jess sighed. "You sure?" she asked, although nothing she said or did could get rid of that resigned feeling Roxy trailed with her like a shadow. It was clear that the anchor didn't want to deal with people, except her customers, and even then it depended which ones. The fact that it was all for good reason didn't ease Jess' guilt at dragging Roxy around as if she were some kind of everyday living aid instead of a human being.

She continued her deep breathing as she headed down the stairs. Don't make her notice, she told herself. Don't bring about what you're trying to prevent. Don't get Roxy into trouble.

"Sorry about that!" she called once in the doorway of the living room. "So, uh, where to? I was thinking the Carbonara Corner."

Her mom looked up with a smile. "So, Italian food's still your favourite?"

Jess nodded, although that wasn't the only reason. "Roxy, is that ok with you?" she asked, turning towards the anchor. "It's just a short walk." That was the real reason. The anchor didn't need to be dragged along on another car journey right after she'd put up with one for her sake. Nothing was going to make Roxy feel welcome or even respected, but Jess had resolved to try and minimise the stress this weekend would cause - even if the operative word there was "try".

[KatherinWinter]

"That's fine." Roxy assured Jess. Walking was definitely she approved of. Being trapped in a car again wasn't something that she was looking forward to. She knew it would happen. All she could hope was that it wouldn't be until they left. But she knew that was unrealistic. They couldn't walk everywhere. She missed her bike. But wasn't something that she would be able to use for a long time.

[LuckyBlackCat]

Jessamyn "Jess" Bailey

The smile Jess put on came a little more easily to her. This time, Roxy was less resigned, more accepting of the offer. At least for now, she wasn't making things worse for the anchor. "Alright then." She glanced from Roxy to her mom, who nodded and stood up.

"Carbonara Corner it is," the older woman said, picking up her handbag and gesturing for the two to follow.

The familiar surroundings outside were just as jarring as the ones inside. More so, in fact. Not just because Jess couldn't feel like she fit in, but because there would certainly be people around who fit even less. She kept her eyes cast down, forcing herself not to look around like a frightened animal.

The walk only took about ten minutes. She followed the other two into the building, greeted by sensations that should have been soothing. The flickering glow of a stone oven. Chatter over mellow classical music. Food smells she knew and usually loved. This place hadn't changed, hadn't lost any of its inviting atmosphere. The empath reminded herself what Roxy had said. She should drop her guard, let herself relax. They weren't in any danger... not yet, anyway. Not as long as she could act normal. Which was the problem.

Once a waiter had led the group to a table, Jess sat down, making a conscious effort not to hunch her shoulders as she picked up the menu. She tried to focus on the list of meals, not on the people who could be around to watch.

[KatherinWinter]

Roxy followed the other two woman. She stayed behind them. She didn't her best to give them space. She didn't want to intrude. She had no idea how mother and daughter interacted but she figured it would be easier without her presence. She ignored the watchers. They had made an effort to blend in so they didn't stand out. She knew they were there but hopefully no one else would.

She looked around when they entered the restaurant. She was curious. This was her first real look at the life that Jess had had to leave behind. Roxy had avoided looking at the picture in the house. She wanted to help Jess to reclaim the life she had. Or at least as much as she could. She didn't feel comfortable sitting with them but asking for a separate table would have raised questions and drew attention. She picked up the menu and tried to figure what to order.

[LuckyBlackCat]

Jessamyn "Jess" Bailey

"I think I'll go with..." Jess lowered the menu and looked up. Her attention fell on someone behind her mother, someone staring in their direction. He wouldn't harm them, the empath knew that, but that didn't stop his presence from being disconcerting. Shuddering, she averted her eyes.

"Jess? What's the matter?" her mom asked before glancing over her shoulder. The man was no longer looking at them, blending in with the customers, but Jess' heart still sank. This acting normal thing wasn't exactly going great.

"Nothing. It's just, uh..." She struggled for an explanation. "The... painting. Over there. The one of the forest." She pointed at a picture of a woodland scene. "It brought back memories." Despite her mother's lingering doubt, Jess gave a faint smile. "But it's good to be back."

She turned to Roxy, who still pored over the menu, blocking everyone out. "Thank you." Although genuine, the words sounded empty even to her. A simple thank you was nowhere near enough repayment for the sacrifices the anchor had made.

[KatherinWinter]

Roxy shrugged. What could she say. It wasn't like she had a choice. When an anchor was matched to an empath, especially on in isolation, they are expected to bind their lives to the empath so the empath could be a benefit to society. Not only that but she would never be able to reject someone that needed her. She had never been needed before. It was a strange feeling. One she was still trying to get used to.

"Just enjoy your visit." She said. Roxy figured the more time they spent around people and acting normal the easier it would be for Jess to relax and act normal. When the waitress came by she ordered the cheapest meat dish on the menu and a soda without ice. She had no idea what it was but it didn't matter. She would eat whatever it was. She wasn't picky. She turned out trying to give Jess and her mom as much space as she could.

[LuckyBlackCat]

Jessamyn "Jess" Bailey

Jess hadn't expected much of a reply, but Roxy's near-silence didn't exactly ease the awkwardness of the situation. Once she'd ordered a ham and mushroom calzone pizza, she waited, keeping her head bowed so as not to look at the watchers.

"You sure you're alright there? I thought you'd tuck right in," her mom asked, gesturing towards the bowl of complementary olives the waitress had left.

"Mom, it's fine," Jess replied, sticking a toothpick into an olive, pretending to be hungrier than she was. "I'd just rather not eat too much before the main course." As she looked up at her mom, she couldn't help noticing how the restaurant's light emphasised the sunkenness of her cheeks, the dark circles under her eyes showing through makeup. It didn't take empathic senses to know she and Roxy weren't the only ones under strain. No way would she give her mother anything more to deal with.

"If you say so..." The unconvinced reply made Jess cringe. "Which brings me to something the two of you might be interested in."

Jess' stomach clenched like a stress ball as her mother reached into her bag and placed a business card on the table. "Oh, Mom..."

Her mom leaned in, lowering her voice as she spoke. "I know things can sometimes be... difficult between an empath and an anchor when they first meet. There's a great deal for both to adapt to, and I've been doing some research on the issue you've been having. Her gaze switched to Roxy. "The crack in your shield, as you put it. So, I thought this counselling service might be something to consider. They're one of the best around for helping newly matched people."

Jess stared blankly at the card, heart sinking as her mind raced for a response. "Thanks, but... It's all ok," she finally answered. "We just need time to get used to this, that's all."

This was nothing even the best professionals could fix. This was nothing either of them could talk about to anyone. Yet by refusing, had she cast Roxy in a less than favourable light?

[KatherinWinter]

Roxy didn't know what to think of the card. It wasn't what she expect. It wasn't the first time someone had told her she needed counseling. She didn't completely disagree. She had see the good counseling could do. And she was sure that it would help. Just not in the ways that Jess needed. The empath needed to feel safe and that wasn't something any counselor on the planet would be able to give her.

She picked up the card. She studied the name. It wasn't one she knew. Which meant she would have to look into the counselor before going. Not that going would do them any good but it would make Jess's mom feel like she was helping. Or at least doing as much as she could. "We will talk about it." She didn't think flat out refusing would do them any good. Jess's mom would just keep pushing. It was better to act like considering her advice even if they both knew it would do any good.

[LuckyBlackCat]

Jessamyn "Jess" Bailey

As usual, Jess didn't know what to say. If she suddenly agreed with Roxy, it would make the anchor look even more like some kind of bully in her mother's eyes. If she kept refusing, it could start an argument, and make Roxy seem suspicious anyway. Thankfully - if all this encouragement could even be considered a good thing - her mom spoke first.

"It's your choice at the end of the day," she reminded them, "but it's something I recommend. Jess, I know your dad and I have always taught you to stand on your own two feet, but there's no shame in accepting help if it'd truly do you good." The warmth of her tone couldn't hide her true feelings, at least not from Jess. The tightening grip of worry, the distrust that sharpened whenever she looked at Roxy, the way it seemed she tried to convince herself it was just a matter of stubbornness on her daughter's part.

"I know..." Jess glanced from her mom to the card, then back. "Well I guess it can't hurt, and thanks, though I'm sure it's all going to be ok."

It wasn't going to be ok. The watchers all around, listening in on the conversation, were proof of that.

[KatherinWinter]

Roxy tucked the card in her pocket. Maybe it would help Jess deal with being among people. The watchers wouldn't hurt her. She was too valuable. But the empath needed something to help her deal with life. It wasn't going to get any easier. It would only get more complicated. She needed to help the other woman coop. Jess needed to find her place in the world. Maybe a councilor could help. They had never done her any good but that didn't make them useless.

She stay as far from Jess and her mom so they could catch up. She wanted to intrude anymore than she had to. She didn't belong here. She was just an accessory that allowed the empath to be a part of the world again. Roxy was ok with that. It gave her a purpose. Something's that she had never had before. It was nice to be able to help someone for once.

[LuckyBlackCat]

To her surprise, Jess noticed Roxy wasn't completely without hope for the counselling situation. She had to try and view it the same way. It wouldn't change the situation, but it might make them more able to cope with it. That and if it meant she could adapt better, she'd be easier for Roxy to live with, and possibly more fit to support the anchor through whatever was going on.

Before Jess could say anything, Roxy shuffled her chair to the side - as usual, she needed space and there was nothing to do but respect that. Attempting to brighten the mood - if she had any capacity to do so - the empath chatted with her mom. Better small talk than awkward silence. When the food arrived, she tucked in, forcing herself to act hungry instead of pick at it. All the while, she couldn't help but wonder what the presence of the watchers truly meant.

[KatherinWinter]

Roxy stayed out of the way and tried to ignored the conversion between mother and daughter. She felt out of place. She was glad that Jess and her mom seemed to be bounding again. The empath would need all the support she could get. Roxy wouldnt deny Jess that support. She was lucky to have it. It wasn't likely that the empath knew how lucky she was to have a parent that actually cared about her and wanted to. Roxy would do what she could to make sure that Jess stayed connected with her mother. Even if it took her out of her comfort zone.

[LuckyBlackCat]

Jessamyn "Jess" Bailey

The meal went by without further event, but even as Jess tried to reconnect with her mom, she couldn't ignore that odd sense of detachment. Part of it she knew to be from Roxy, who stayed out of the conversation, but some was in all likelihood her own. There was so much she couldn't let on, not even to those closest to her. For all intents and purposes, she and Roxy lived in a different world to the woman in front of them.

"Well," her mom said once she'd paid, "seems like that was just what you needed." Again, trying to convince herself. "Both of you ready to head back?"

Jess nodded. "Yeah, and thanks." Even though the watchers weren't planning to do any harm - at least not directly, not yet - the sooner she and Roxy were out of their scrutiny, the better.

[KatherinWinter]

Roxy didn't mind spending the weekend with Jess' mom. Not that she actually spent time with them. She wasn't used to having so much time on her hands. She caught up on emails. Most were business related. She looked at catalogs that she hadn't had a chance to look at. She didn't order anything simply because she didn't know what she needed. But it was good to know what new things were out in case she needed something.

[LuckyBlackCat]

Jessamyn "Jess" Bailey

Over the weekend, Jess started to relax slightly. She'd been worrying about nothing. When they went out, the watchers blended in so well her mom didn't notice them. Not that Jess could exactly be comfortable in their presence, but she kept mentally repeating what Roxy had told her. They wouldn't cause any harm. Not right here and now, anyway.

Of course, although her mom didn't spot the shady men, what she did pick up on was her loss of confidence. And she was quick to set about trying to build it back up, with a suggestion on the Sunday afternoon.

"You know," she said, her quick glance out of the window at the parked car making it clear what was coming. "Since it's a pretty easy route, if the two of you are ok with it, this might be a good chance for you to get some driving practice in."

At first, Jess wasn't sure what to reply. This was what Roxy had offered on the way here, and had turning down the chance really been the best choice? It had just annoyed the anchor more than it had helped. Then again, dealing with a nervous empath behind the wheel, on top of being stuck in a closed space, wouldn't help Roxy's mood either. The words came back to her: Nothing is going to make this less stressful.

"Heh, that's..." she started, then stopped herself. She'd been about to say that was the same thing Roxy had said, but it would probably lead to questions as to why she'd refused. "A good idea," she finished instead, her smile awkward as she turned to the anchor. "As long as you're alright with that."

[KatherinWinter]

Roxy did not want to spend hours trapped in a car while Jess relearned how to drive. But doing so might help the anchor's confidence. It would at least give her a way to get around once they could be further apart. Not that that would be happening anytime soon. She pushed the thought away and shrugged. "Sure why not. It might help you feel a little more normal if you start doing things you did before."

She wanted to help as much as she could. She couldn't change her situation. But maybe she could build Jess' confidence. Then maybe the watchers wouldn't bother the empath as much. Their job was to watch and report. The emotions they gave off should have reassured the other woman but it was possible that Jess couldn't pinpoint their emotions and that was what was causing her fear. Honestly the empath was in no danger. She was too valuable of an asset.