[IC] Be my Sanctuary

[LuckyBlackCat]

Jessamyn "Jess" Bailey

Taken aback by Roxy's relief, Jess reminded herself that the anchor clearly had an issue with people, and had to have her reasons. That didn't stop the reaction from stinging.

"We'll go when you're ready," her mother offered, the lines that grief had etched into her face seeming a little deeper. Even though something had broken inside her long ago, though, the family rock held herself together, standing strong.

Jess bit her lip. This would be difficult for everyone. Herself, her mom, even Roxy, who hadn't known the man but would still have to endure a car journey to a gloomy place, and hadn't reacted well to the visit so far anyway. Still, she wasn't going to draw out the wait.

"I'll... just get something first." Jess shuffled to the spare room, searching through her belongings until she found the item she was looking for. A small wooden carving of a bird, much cruder than the ones her father used to make, but the most acceptable one she'd managed. He'd used to try to teach her, and later on, when she'd been stuck in the cabin, she'd attempted to build on the knowledge he'd left her. She'd never reach his level of creativity - she'd always been more academically-minded like her mother - but she'd put as much effort as she could into making this for him, to leave on his grave when she'd finally get the chance.

Another reason things had to turn out ok, she thought as she re-entered the main room. She had to make it so that her mom's words were true - so that, if things had been different and he'd lived to see this, her dad would be happy.

[KatherinWinter]

Roxy had no idea what to do when Jess went into her room. She could only hope that that the empath didn't take long. She avoided looking at the older woman. She had zero experience with mothers. She knew almost nothing about woman. She knew that her life experiences were different from most. She had been treated like one of the boys most of her life. Until she was sixteen and her father realized there might be a benefit to having a daughter.

She shook the thought from her mind as she straightened her knives. She kept busy until Jess came out. Then without a word she headed toward the stairs. She wasn't looking forward to the trip but it wasn't a major thing. For most people it would be a simple request. Unfortunately nothing in her life had ever been simple. There was no reason to think that would change. In fact she expected it to get alot harder.

[LuckyBlackCat]

Jessamyn "Jess" Bailey

The journey took around half an hour, the gates of the cemetery coming into sight. Once the car had stopped outside, Jess braced herself before climbing out. To think that her father lay somewhere among those rows of gravestones... She cupped the figurine, hands clenching around it.

"He'd love that," her mother commented, looking over her shoulder as she led both girls. She spoke as if he were still alive, and Jess were simply about to give him a gift.

The empath gave a weak smile in response as she trudged along the path. Roses wavered in the wind, their petals curled at the edges from too much sun, giving off a faint scent. As if pretty flowers could ease people's grief, Jess thought bitterly.

She flinched, a raw ache welling through her as an old man walked past, shoulders stooped, footsteps heavy. He had to have recently lost a loved one. Jess chewed the inside of her lip, less than comfortable at her intrusion into people's feelings.

Trying to compose herself, she took a deep breath of the floral-smelling air. Her dad would want her to be strong, not a twitching shell of who she'd once been. She continued onwards, hoping Roxy would be ok with all this. It obviously wouldn't be the most uplifting experience for the anchor in the best of cases, but hopefully nothing she or her mother said would set Roxy off again.

[KatherinWinter]

Roxy was stuff an miserable the whole drive to the graveyard. Luckily it wasn't a long drive. Which she was glad of. She was stretched to her limit when it came to steppingout of her comfort zone. Roxy had never considered herself a giver. She had always worked towards her own needs. Now she had to look after a fragile empath who was just as self centered as she has once thought herself to be.

She had no strong feeling about the graveyard. Personally she had never seen the need to have a place to grieve for those you loved. But than she had never loved anyone. She followed Jess and her mom silently. She gave them as much space as she dared. This was a family thing and she wasn't family. Roxy had no delusional. She knew she wouldn't have been invited (drug) along if the empath didn't need her just to be able to function.

[LuckyBlackCat]

Jessamyn "Jess" Bailey

Jess could feel Roxy giving off her usual contempt and annoyance, but thankfully nothing worse. She didn't blame her for the irritation - the anchor had been forced to take time out of her day for someone she barely knew, and didn't get along with. Glancing over, the empath saw the purple-haired woman hanging as far back from her and her mom as was safe.

When her mother stopped in front of a headstone, Jess' throat tightened. Knowing her dad was gone was one thing. Facing the fact, as solid and cold as the stone that marked it, was another. Stepping forward, she crouched down and placed the figurine on the grave.

"Hey... Hey Dad... I made this for you," she whispered, her eyes starting to sting. "Like you used to make. Well, not quite like those ones, but... here it is." She wiped away a tear. "Sorry I wasn't around... then. I-I'm here now, and will be ok." She hadn't wanted to get overapologetic, but right now, she couldn't help it. "Goodbye, Dad."

As she stood up, her mom gently placed an arm around her shoulders. Both mother and daughter hugged. Amidst the sadness, Jess picked up on something else. A hint of relief that the goodbye had finally been said, and hope.

She couldn't disappoint. Her family had already been through enough stress, and although he wasn't around to see this, it would be an insult to her father.

"Thanks, Mom," she said, her voice trembling. Unwrapping her arms, she looked over her shoulder. "And, Roxy... Thanks for coming along." Her gratitude was unlikely to lift Roxy's mood any, but it was all she could give.

[KatherinWinter]

Roxy ignored the scene. Mostly because she had no idea what else to do. She wasn't family. She shouldn't be here. But she had to be here so that Jess. She didn't know who fate was jerking around more her or Jess. It seemed like they both got the raw end of this deal. She leaned against a nearby tree willing to give the woman as much time as they needed. She wasn't in any hurry. She wished she had something to do though. She wasn't a patient person.

She was startled out of her thoughts. By the sound of her name. She shook her head. "Don't thank me. Take your time we have all day." She tried to act like she didn't feel like an awkward stalker. Which was exactly how she felt. She hated not belonging. But there wasn't anything they could do to change it. She would never really be part of Jess' life.

[LuckyBlackCat]

Jessamyn "Jess" Bailey

Again, as Jess addressed her, Roxy reacted with surprise. Was the anchor really that convinced she wanted to shut her out completely? As relaxed as Roxy tried to act, Jess could feel her impatience growing. The empath looked down at the ground. Again, she was being a burden, but her attempts not to weigh the other woman down just made her feel rejected.

She'd been raised to be a problem-solver, and yet here she was, at a complete loss. Her dad wouldn't want to see this.

The thought nagged at the back of her mind as she and her mom stayed a little longer by the grave, talking, reminiscing about happier times, when the family had been complete. After one more look at the stone, both women slowly made their way back along the path, Jess' eyes cast down, her mother's hand on her shoulder.

"He never doubted you'd be ok, you know," her mom tried to reassure her. Jess knew better. Underneath that positive facade, he'd been tormented with uncertainty about her future, about his own condition, about everything.

Even so, the young woman nodded. "I... I meant it... I will be ok." She knew she didn't sound convincing. It was Roxy she was worried about - the anchor clearly had baggage of some kind, and Jess was just adding to it.

She felt the hand on her shoulder squeeze a little tighter. "Before we go back, I could take both of you to one of the cafes around here," her mom gently offered.

Jess took another glance at Roxy. "Do you... want that?" She personally did, it would be another way to bond and catch up, but Roxy would most likely feel like an outsider again.

[KatherinWinter]

While Jess and her mom talked Roxy leaned against a tree watching videos on her phone. She watched vidoes of attacks. She studied them to see if the fight moves she knew could help her get out of a similar situation. If she couldnt think of a move that would work slshe searched for fight videos until she found one with moves she thought might work and she would watch that video until memorized the moves to practice later. Looking at her no one would know how she felt. She had learned long ago to hide her emotions.

When the other two woman started to walk Roxy followed without a word. She kept her distance. She felt like a real anchor. She was something that Jess had to drag along just so she could function. Once again she was surprised when Jess asked if she wanted to go to the cafe. Like what she wanted mattered. It didn't and they both knew it. She couldnt deny the other woman without being cruel. She shrugged. "Sure. It makes no difference to me. You lead and I'll follow."

[LuckyBlackCat]

Jessamyn "Jess" Bailey

Outwardly, Roxy agreed, but Jess knew that deep down, it was a different story. Everything she did made the other woman feel more and more like she didn't matter. Like she was some sort of life support system instead of a human being. And there seemed to be no way to lessen the impact on Roxy's life without coming across as ungrateful, making things worse.

Jess looked from the anchor to her mom. "Ok... Sounds good," she replied, despite the rather less than ideal situation.

Throughout the journey, she remained subdued. After around ten minutes, the car pulled up outside a quaint, cosy-looking building with a basket of flowers hanging by the door and a row of tables outside.

It should be comforting, Jess thought as she got out of the car, but it didn't seem like anything would soothe either her or Roxy. With a soft sigh, she trailed after her mother. She'd longed to do simple, normal things like go to a cafe. She'd thought - hoped - that it would be with someone who would find it easier to share their lives. Now, even going out for lunch and coffee meant negatively affecting the person stuck with her.

When her mom asked if they'd like to sit at an indoor or outdoor table, Jess turned to Roxy. "Which do you want?" The anchor would probably be surprised again, and say either was fine regardless of what she actually wanted, but the empath continued. "Please be honest. I'm ok with either."

[KatherinWinter]

Roxy stared out the window silently while they drive to the cafe. The cafe was exactly what she had expected it to be. It was the 'friendly' casual type of place. Dressed in her black leather she stuck out like a sore thumb. It wasn't the type of place she would have picked. She didn't say a word though. She didn't think she had to. She obviously didn't belong in a place like this. Just looking at her should have made that clear. Since it didnt Roxy doubted that anything would.

Roxy's attention was brought back to Jess when the other win a asked her where they should sit. Like her opinion mattered at all. She shrugged. She would look out of place no matter where they sat. "It doesn't really matter to me. Our side might make talking a little easier." The place didn't see that busy. But they would have more privacy outside just because there was more space between tables.

[LuckyBlackCat]

Jessamyn "Jess" Bailey

Jess nodded. "Ok, then... uhh..." As she shuffled to the row of outdoor tables, she tensed and twitched. That feeling of resentment grew. It wasn't just from Roxy, she realised. A young couple sat chatting nearby, holding hands, yet beneath the cheerful act, bitterness seethed from at least one of them. Pretending not to have noticed, Jess edged away. She couldn't help it, but it still felt wrong to intrude like that. She headed to a table right at the end.

"Jess? Are you ok there?" her mother asked.

No. No she wasn't. Neither was Roxy. This whole situation was anything but ok. "Y-Yeah," she replied nonetheless. This spot was the most isolated part of the area, but she kept her voice low to make sure none of the few other people sitting outside would hear. "Uh, it's just... still got to get used to being back here... I mean, I still pick up on a little from other people. Just not like befo-"

As if it wasn't already too late, she stopped herself. She looked down at the ground, away from the other two. How much did Roxy know about the way empaths and anchors worked? She'd already mentioned she knew they had to stay within a close range at first, but her guarded behaviour suggested she may not be aware of other details. If she wasn't, and Jess had just let them slip... Roxy wouldn't react well in the slightest.

[KatherinWinter]

Roxy didn't think of Jess' glance towards the couple. The pair were the picture of love. Almost she though as she studied them. Their posture and actions spoke of love. But the tension in their bodies indicated darker emotions lay beneath the surface. Still it wasn't any of their business so she was glad when the empath headed in the other direction.

They had nearly reached the table when Jess' mom asked if she was alright. Roxy assumed it was because of how long it had been since Jess had been around this many people until the empath answered. Then she stopped at glared at Jess. A mix of emotions hit her. Mostly anger and fear.

What Jess had just said went against everything she had read. Maybe her shield wasn't what should be because they were strangers and their connection wasn't strong yet. Maybe her shield was damaged because she was damaged. Not that it mattered. What matter was how much emotion and what emotions were getting through. "Can you feel my emotions?" She growled the question. The last thing she needed or wanted was for Jess to be able to know what she was feeling.

[LuckyBlackCat]

Jessamyn "Jess" Bailey

Ohhh crap.

Well, now it was all confirmed. Roxy hadn't known, and had just found out all of a sudden that an anchor's shield didn't always block everything. Jess could barely bring herself to look at Roxy as she struggled to think of the best way to answer.

"Umm, well..." With a sinking feeling, the empath realised there was no point in covering up the truth. So far, her lies - that she was ok, that she and the anchor got along well - hadn't convinced anyone. Besides, Roxy was bound to find out sooner or later, and would undoubtedly be less than happy at any deception.

The anchor gave her a pointed glare, radiating anger tinged with fear. Her mom looked over in concern. Tension surrounded Jess, like black clouds gathering, about to unleash a storm.

The empath took a deep breath. Way to go and make an already messy situation ten times worse, she scolded herself before replying. "Yes. A-A little."

[KatherinWinter]

Roxy continued to glare at Jess. It didn't matter to her how much of her emotions the other woman could feel. The problem was that the empath had an insight into her. It wasn't something she had ever wanted another person to have. She hid too much from the world. It was dangerous for Jess to be able to feel what she was hiding. She cursed softly as she tried to figure out what to do. Part of her wanted to walk away but she couldn't.

"You should have told me." Roxy snarled. They hadn't gotten off on a good note and this wasn't helping. She felt trapped now. She had signed a contract saying she was responsible for the empath. No a fragile woman was going to be exposed to things that she couldn't even being to handle. Was this why the other woman had decided that they needed to keep things as separate as possible? That made sense.

Roxy tried to push her emotions aside as she had her whole life. She couldn't deal with this here. "I will keep my distance. You two enjoy your visit. Take your time." She turned her back to them. She found an empty table near them and sat down. She kept her back to them.

[LuckyBlackCat]

Jessamyn "Jess" Bailey

"I'm sorry..." Jess didn't know what else to say. Why had it been so difficult for her to talk to Roxy, ever since meeting her in the cabin? Now the information she'd left out had been dropped on the other woman without warning. How much more was she going to mess up?

Traces of the fear she'd inflicted on Roxy trickled through to her. Of course nobody would want their inner feelings laid bare for a near-stranger to know about, but that level of stress meant there was something the anchor wasn't letting on - something possibly dangerous for both of them.

"Uhh... If it helps, I can't feel all that much," Jess blurted, although she knew the attempt to reassure the other woman was unlikely to work. Worry still thickened the atmosphere like fog around her, from her mother, and especially from Roxy.

[KatherinWinter]

"No it doesn't help Jess. My job is to protect you from ALL emotions and I have failed." Roxy snapped without looking at Jess. That was only part of the reason that she was pissed but as far as she was concerned that was all that the empath needed to know. It was a logical explanation to her reaction. No one liked failing at their job. She was suppose to make it so that Jess could get through life without being overwhelmed with other people's emotions and she wasn't doing that.

"Let's drop it. You try to relax and enjoy your time with your mom." She suggested. There was no point in talking about it. Talking about it wouldn't change anything. She pulled out her phone and started to pull up websites about the research being done on empaths and anchors. Maybe someone else had experienced something similar and they could give her some suggestions on things that would cut the empath off completely the way she was supposed to be.

[LuckyBlackCat]

Jessamyn "Jess" Bailey

"It's not your fault!" Jess tried to reassure Roxy, who couldn't even bring herself to look at her. "It's just not always perfect."

She'd been prepared for this. She'd heard that how much an anchor could block varied - sometimes they could negate all emotion, but in some cases, a little still got through. It depended on how powerful the empath was, and possibly some other factors. Even with this knowledge, Jess couldn't help but do what she'd told Roxy not to do - blame herself. If this was even her own feeling of guilt.

Her mother's brow creased, concern-filled eyes flicking from the furious anchor back to Jess. "You're coping with it all, aren't you?"

Jess nodded, glancing down, not even having to look at her mom's face to know she'd failed to convince her.

[KatherinWinter]

Roxy glared at Jess over her shoulder. "It's supposed to be perfect. You're suppose to feel almost no other emotions but your own. That is clearly not the case. Which means my shield his ducking cracked and I'm failing in my job to protect you. End of story." She snapped. It was her job to keep all emotions away from the empath and she was clearly not doing that. She had no idea how to fix it. But she had to find a way.

She wanted to drop the topic. They should send their time catching up with each other. Instead of focusing on how much she was failing. She needed to find a way to close the gaps in her shield. She didn't want or need Jess experienciexperiencing her emotions. She had too many things she needed to hide. The empath was way too fragile to handle the things she tried to keep buried.

[LuckyBlackCat]

Jessamyn "Jess" Bailey

Jess was at a loss again. It seemed anything she did or said would only make things worse. Keep it together, she nagged herself, aware of several people turning in the direction of the argument. Some even moved away. The empath took a deep breath, her gaze dropping to the ground again before she looked back up, facing Roxy. She had to at least pretend to be dealing with this, make a better attempt to remedy the situation, convince her mom things weren't a complete mess. Keep it together, keep it together, keep it together...

"Umm, look... Later on, we can try and find out why this is, and if there's anything we can do about it," she suggested. What this was doing to the anchor went beyond discomfort, or a sense of failure. There was something Roxy wasn't letting on.

[KatherinWinter]

"We don't have to do jackshit." Roxy cursed without looking at Jess. For someone who was suppose to be good at reading the emotions of other the empath sure seemed clueless when it came to her. She knew she was giving off the leave me alone vib. It was one of the reasons they were attracting attention. Attention she didn't want or need. She glared at the people who were staring. Most of them lost their courage and at least pretended not to be watching.

"You are not the one failing to do her job. You go visit with your mommy." She snarled the word. "While I see if I can figure out how to fixed my fucked up shield." She turned her attention back to her phone. The chances of finding something to help her was slim. She had a suspicion of what the problem was and if she was right there wouldn't be any fixing the matter any time soon.