[IC] Be my Sanctuary

[LuckyBlackCat]

Jessamyn "Jess" Bailey

The wave of anger hit Jess like a punch to the stomach. "That's not what I meant!" she shouted, before falling quiet. She hadn't intended to snap like that, but the emotions she took on from Roxy were clear in her tone.

That had been so stupid of her, she thought as she took a deep breath, trying to dispel the seething. Stupid, stupid, stupid. She'd wanted to reassure Roxy that she'd do her best not to be a nuisance, but by doing so, she'd gone and pushed her away. Made her feel rejected. And it seemed everything she said made things worse.

Even so, after a few more slow, steady breaths, she slowly approached Roxy. "Look... I'm sorry," she said, as calmly as she could. "I didn't mean it like that. It's just... I appreciate the offer, but it didn't seem fair to keep helping myself to your stuff. At least, not without giving anything back."

She thought back to her agreement to help out with the business. Would that be enough, though? Especially after starting out on less than great terms?

[KatherinWinter]

Roxy glared at Jess as the other woman approached her. She ignored the empath's apology. She didn't want the woman's pity or regret. It was clear that Jess intended to build a wall between them. Which was fine. It was safer that way. She didn't need friends. It was safer if they didn't get too close anyway. "Of course you meant it like that. And that's fine. You want to keep our lives as separate as possible. That is fine."

She kicked the bag harder taking her anger out on it. She reminded herself that she didn't want friends. Anyone close to her would be at risk. It was safer if Jess was only her roommate. No matter how much Roxy wanted to believe that she didn't. She thought the empath would be different."If I cared what you took Jess I would have told you last night. But don't worry about it. We'll keep everything separate."

[LuckyBlackCat]

Jessamyn "Jess" Bailey

That simmering anger wasn't cooling off - and something else tinged it. A trace of the worry from earlier. Jess cringed inwardly. Had Roxy been hurt by friends or family before, and now she was acting as others had towards the anchor? She didn't know the other woman's story, and wasn't going to ask, but she should have known her fear of being a parasite could be interpreted that way.

The empath took another deep breath. "It's... It's just that I know you're not used to living like this," she explained, forcing herself to unclench her fists by her sides. "What is it you want to do?"

Even as she spoke, she knew she probably couldn't make amends. Roxy most likely wouldn't listen. Either way, Jess would have to respect her decision.

[KatherinWinter]

"In case you haven't noticed Jess what we are used to doesn't really matter anymore. You and I are stuck with each other. You want to keep things separate and just be roommates that's fine. I made my offer and you weren't interested in it. No big deal." Roxy assured Jess as she continued to kick the bag as hard as she could. She shifted from one leg to the other making sure that both were equally strong.

"You can run the register and update the paperwork until you finish you classes or find something you want to do. The first few months we'll have to stay within the same room But after that you should be able to work somewhere else." How far away depended on their bond. Which wasn't looking very promising right now but they could work that out later. She wasn't going to worry about something so far down the road.

[LuckyBlackCat]

Jessamyn "Jess" Bailey

At first, Jess remained silent. She didn't know what to say. No change there. Not that there was anything she could say to fix things. Behind her, she heard the toast pop up. She wasn't hungry any more, but she'd have to eat it anyway. Eating somebody else's food was one thing. Wasting it was quite another.

"At least... At least things will be fair that way, if I help out," she eventually mumbled. That was the important thing, she told herself, although she knew deep down it wasn't enough. "Uh, I'd better get that. Mom's going to be here soon." She glanced at the clock before going to butter the toast.

Her nerves tightened again. The last thing her mother would want would be to visit for the first time in years only to find her in the middle of an argument.

[KatherinWinter]

"Yea because life is all about fairness." Roxy snapped. She didn't care about fair. Nothing in her life had been 'fair' Way would start now. She didn't expect fair. Hell she would recognize a fair. She expected nothing from the empath. She knew better then to expect anything from anyone. She had to be strong on her own. She would make space for the empath but that was all she was willing to do.

She did her best to ignore the reminded that Jess' mom was on her way. No doubt the olderwould be judging her. And most likely finding her lacking. Not that she cared. She didn't care what anyone thought of her or her life. She had worked hard to get where she was. It wasn't much but it was hers. She was mostly happy. She has made peace with the things she would never have. Or so she tried to convince herself.

[LuckyBlackCat]

Jessamyn "Jess" Bailey

Jess ate her breakfast in silence. Trying to talk to Roxy wouldn't help. It would just do the opposite. Maybe it would be for the best if they kept things separate. Roxy clearly didn't want to let anyone into her world, and from the outburst, Jess could tell the anchor had her reasons, even though she didn't know what those reasons were.

She was sipping the coffee, although it seemed an especially bad idea to set her nerves any further on edge, when she heard a car pull up outside. "That'll be her!" Standing up and heading towards the window, she spotted the grey Ford she hadn't seen in five years. A familiar sight even though everything had changed. One that brought mixed feelings with it. This would be their long-awaited reunion, but there was no way her mother would be completely happy with the situation.

[KatherinWinter]

Great Roxy thought. She sighed. She just had to ignore them. It wasn't like they were going to notice her. Jess' mom might introduce herself but Roxy didn't see any conversation between the two of them going beyond that. Why would Jess' mother care about it. It was clear the empath didn't care. You would think the fact that she was responsible for Jess being able to visit with her family again would earn her some respect but life didn't work that way.

She continued to kick the bad. She would use her frustration to push herself. She needed to be stronger if she was going to be responsible for Jess. And despite the empaths rejection of her Roxy knew she would be responsible for the other woman's safety. Jess couldn't handle the world she had been pulled into. So it would be up to her to make sure that the empath wasn't hurt by her life.

[LuckyBlackCat]

Jessamyn "Jess" Bailey

Jess bit her lip. That feeling of hurt and rejection still radiated from the anchor. Not only had she gone and deeply offended someone whose story she didn't know, this was far from the best situation for her mother to walk in on. The last thing she wanted was to upset both of them.

Even so, her heart leapt as she watched the car door open. As soon as her mother climbed out, she raised her head. The woman's eyes were shadowed, stress having clearly taken its toll on her, but at the sight of her daughter, her face crinkled into a wide, relieved smile.

Despite her worries, the same expression spread over Jess' face. "She's here," she called, glancing over her shoulder at Roxy. "Uh... you say we've got to be in the same room..." And she was doing it again, worrying so much about bothering the anchor that she was likely to do so anyway. She made her way towards the stairs, wondering how to minimise the awkwardness, and make this as happy an occasion as it should be.

[KatherinWinter]

Roxy stopped kicking the bag and looked at Jess. Then she kicked herself for not thinking. She had forgotten that she couldn't just stay up here and work out. She growled as she called herself all kinds of names. She stormed after the empath. While she was tempted to see just how far her 'bubble' extended she wasn't a cruel person. She wouldn't test it yet. There was no way it would go too far. Not with the lack of connection between the two of them.

She kept as much distance between her and the empath as she dared. She could tell from Jess' reaction that this was a big day for her. Roxy couldn't understand it. But she was happy that she could offer the other woman something even if the empath hadn't been able to offer her a single thing yet and that wasn't likely to change anytime soon.

[LuckyBlackCat]

Jessamyn "Jess" Bailey

The reminder brought a shudder of embarrassment and frustration from Roxy, who stomped behind. "Uh, it's ok," Jess tried to reassure her as they both headed down the stairs, even though her words probably wouldn't help. "Like you say, this is all going to take some getting used to." She wasn't going to judge Roxy for forgetting - it was all too easy to stick to old habits - but the anchor didn't know that. Especially with the way things were going right now.

As soon as she opened the door, those familiar warm brown eyes met hers, shining with joy. "Oh, Jess, I've missed you so much!" her mother said, pulling her into a tight hug. Jess returned it, some of her mother's emotions seeping through to her - not like before, nowhere near as strongly, but detectable. Her relief felt like a comforting hearth fire.

"I've missed you too," Jess replied, a tremble to her voice. The urge to apologise for all the stress she'd caused came over her, but while the whole mess had been happening, letting her guilt show had just made her family feel even more helpless. "It really has been way too long! But Mom... I'm going to be ok now. Uh..." Straightening her back, she glanced over at the anchor. "This is Roxy."

And here was where things would inevitably get awkward. The tinge of unease she picked up on from her mother as she looked at Roxy and surveyed the garage confirmed Jess' suspicion. The empath doubted things really would be ok as she'd said they would.

[KatherinWinter]

Roxy shifted uncomfortably when Jess' mom entered her garage. She turned her back to give them as much privacy as she could. She wrapped her arms around herself wishing she had something to occupy herself with. She studied the shelves on the wall trying to ignore the anchor and her guest. This was awkward. She hadn't really thought about how she would feel when she agreed to this visit. Of course she hadn't expected to feel much. She rarely did.

She turned at the sound of her name. She didn't know why she hadn't expected Jess to introduce her, especially after the anchor had made it clear that she thought that they keep their lives as separately as they could. She could tell that the older woman wasn't impressed with her garage. Which was just too bad. She had worked too hard to give it up for anyone. "Let's go upstair. You two can visit more comfortably there."

[LuckyBlackCat]

Jessamyn "Jess" Bailey

Jess hadn't thought introducing Roxy would cause that little jolt of surprise from her. Then again, it was obvious the anchor thought she didn't care about her, and there was no convincing her otherwise. The empath hoped they'd at least be able to seem like they got along reasonably well throughout this visit.

"Nice to meet you," her mother said, facing Roxy, her words sounding a little false. They contrasted with the flickers of doubt and worry she gave off.

"Uh..." Jess nodded at Roxy's suggestion. "Yeah. It's... It's a comfy place." Hopefully she'd be able to reassure her mother that this wasn't actually a bad place to live. As the three headed up the stairs, she wondered if she should offer to make coffee. After the earlier fiasco over sharing things, though, she didn't know how Roxy would react.

No sooner had they reached the landing than a sudden pulse of shock hit Jess. She cringed inwardly. Great. The knives. Glancing over at her mother, who looked at the workout area with an eyebrow raised, she wondered how she'd explain this.

[KatherinWinter]

Roxy turned to see how Jess' mom reacted to the apartment. She glared when she saw the older woman's reaction to her place. Honestly she didn't know what the woman was reacting to nor did she care. She didn't like being judged. Neither Jess or her mom knew anything about her. They had no idea what she had survived or why she had the knives.

She stormed over to her knives. She picked one up and rubbed her thumb along the edge as if checking the knife's sharpness. She probably looked like a psychopath but she didn't care. They could think anything they wanted to Roxy thought stubbornly. She had survived a hell most couldn't imagine let alone live through whole. She would not let anyone control her again. Not in anyway. If Jess' mom didn't like her that was the older woman's problem. She was who she was and she was changing for no one.

[LuckyBlackCat]

Jessamyn "Jess" Bailey

"Uhh, it's ok!" Jess blurted, her startled gaze shifting from Roxy, who'd started testing a knife's sharpness in an almost loving way, to her mother. Was the anchor acting like this to get back at her for earlier? "Roxy's just quite the martial artist is all."

There was more to it than that, Jess already knew from the short amount of time she'd spent living with Roxy. Combat seemed to be more than a sport to the anchor.

Jess' words did nothing to ease her mother's nerves. Tension seeped into the empath, clenching her stomach. "And, you know... I've been offered a job here already. Working at the desk. Things are... pretty good." She shuddered. She hated lying, but it was the only way not to ruin the visit.

Her mom put on a smile that hid her underlying worry. "I knew you'd be alright," she said, even though she'd clearly seen right through the false reassurance. It was as if she tried to convince herself as well as her daughter that everything would be ok. "Remember what I kept telling you? That things would surely get better?"

Things certainly weren't as they used to be any more. But would they improve in the way that Jess and her mother both wanted?

[KatherinWinter]

Roxy snorted. She couldn't help it. She doubted if the empath saw this as much of an improvement. She put the knife back down. She did her best to avoid the other two woman. She was an outside looking in as always. One would think that she would be used to it but that didn't stop her feeling lonely or longing for something more. Those were two emotions she would always be stuck with. At least the empath wouldn't never know how she felt.

She went back to practicing her kicks and punches. She figured that would drowned out most of what Jess and her mom talked about. She wanted to give them as much privacy as she could. It wouldn't much but it was the best she could do. They were lucky to have each other. Even the short time she had seen them together she could tell they had something that she had never had.

[LuckyBlackCat]

Jessamyn "Jess" Bailey

Jess glanced over at Roxy, picking up on a pang of something. Emptiness. Loneliness. She wanted to include the anchor - she'd tried to, by introducing her - but it was clear the other woman would continue to keep her distance, especially after what had happened earlier.

The empath knew all too well how much Roxy's attitude also worried her mother, but for a different reason. Still, her mom kept up that positive front, aiming to be as strong and level-headed as possible even in the toughest of situations. The way Jess wished she could be.

"Your dad would be so happy." As bright and cheery as her mom tried to sound, there was a hint of a tremble to her voice.

A lump formed in Jess' throat, probably partly due to feelings she took on as well as her own. "Y-Yeah," she said, having to speak up over the sounds of kicking and punching. "He would be."

If her family knew the truth... This wasn't the kind of situation anyone would be happy with.

[KatherinWinter]

Roxy was trying not to listen. She already felt like an intruder. This conversation was none of her business. She didnt want to hear this. Jess probably wished she was deaf. Heck, she thought, she wished she was deaf. She kept her attention on her training. She had a routine that worked for her. It strengthened her muscles and sharpened her skills.

Anger hit her hard when she heard Jess' mom mention her dad. Roxy was glad the man hadn't come with his wife. She couldnt have handled that. She had a major problem with fathers. Hers had been cruel in ways few men thought of. While she knew some of her customers were fathers she was careful to interact with them as little as possible. None of them were allowed upstairs for any reason. She planned to keep it that way. The apartment was her sanctuary. Her one safe place from men.

[LuckyBlackCat]

Jessamyn "Jess" Bailey

At the sudden wave of anger, Jess clenched her fists by her sides.

She looked up as her mother placed a hand on her tense shoulder. "Oh, sweetie, there's no need to feel guilty," her mom reassured her, eyes filled with concern. "You'd have said goodbye if you could have."

Even though her reaction had been for a different reason, Jess had to admit to herself if was partly because of that. For five years, she'd carried the guilt around like a lead weight she couldn't get rid of. Guilt over having further hurt her family, however unintentionally. She recalled the sickening anger roiling from her mom back then. It had been directed at the situation rather than at her, but that hadn't stopped Jess feeling that way towards herself.

"I'll... I'll be able to say goodbye now," she replied. It wouldn't make up for not having been to the funeral, but going to the cemetery was all she could do.

Her mother gave a sad smile. "If you want, I can take you later," she offered. "You'll be able to cope with that now, won't you?"

Jess nodded. She had to be able to cope. She had to be able to come to terms with what had happened. She looked over her shoulder at Roxy. "Would you be ok with that?" she asked, bracing herself for how Roxy would react. The anchor most likely wouldn't refuse - standoffish as she was, she wasn't cruel - but it didn't take much to upset her. "We'll be... visiting a grave." The words came out in a hollow mumble. "My dad's grave."

[KatherinWinter]

Roxy knrw it was wrong of her but she was relieved that they werent gping to visit a living person. Great she thought. Another trip in a small enclosed vehicle. They still had to return the moving van. But she knew she couldn't deny the empath. Her job to make sure that the other woman could do what she needed and wanted to do. Since she was already closed for the day she had no reason not to give in to Jess' request.

"Sure why not. I've got nothing else planned for the day. Just tell me when you want to leave and we'll go." Which was the truth. Her schedule was clear. It didn't matter to her what they did or where. She would do what had to be done. Visiting a graveyard wasn't as bad as some of the things the empath could request they do. It was one Roxy didn't mind doing with the car part of the trip.