[OOC] Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of the Void

[Lugia]

Hey, no problem. I'm kinda looking forwards to a new person joining this RP.

[Balmung1100]

Updated it some.

[Card Captor]

I'm waiting on a reply from Lugia about a PM I sent him before I make my IC post

[Sumable]

Balmung1100 said
(Hoping it's still possible to join)Name: LamarSpecies: LarvitarGender: MaleAppearance: Standard Larvitar appearance aside from the left side of his tail being gone due to an incident with a Tyranitar.Level: 10Moves:-Bite-Leer-Chip Away-ScreechAbility: GutsBio: Lamar was raised within a deep cave with a clan of Tyranitar. Unfortunately, his tendency to challenge others that he perceived as powerful caused him to constantly fight many of the other members of this colony. This was not very wise for a creature of Lamar's size. One day, he challenged one of the alphas, a massive Tyranitar named Rex, the majority of the fight was Lamar being thrown around and blasted. He did manage to scratch Rex, but nothing significant enough to say he put up a fight. As he clung to consciousness he looked at his opponent for any sign of recognition but received only a scoff as Rex led the clan from the cavern. Lamar was beaten so badly that the others simply left him in the cavern for dead. Luckily, a rescue team found his unconscious form and brought him to the surface for medical treatment. After regaining consciousness, Lamar attempted to re-enter the cave that he was raised in only to be denied by the very rescue team that had saved him. Lamar felt that this was a challenge to what little dignity he had left and attempted to fight his former saviors only to be defeated and taken back to Allure town where he came to the conclusion that he was simply not strong enough. He decided to train himself and one day return to his home to reclaim his pride. His way of training had not truly changed from when he was younger and he still challenged many of the more powerful residents only to be defeated over and over...until one day he realized that the majority of the pokemon that he had been facing were part of the very guild that the rescue team that had saved and defeated him were affiliated with. He went to the guild to find this team in an attempt to join them. He was quickly denied as the team claimed that his reason for joining was idiotic. He had simply told them that he would one day try to go back to the caves in order to challenge the Tyranitar that had beaten and disrespected him. They of course made an attempt to convince him that revenge wasn't the answer and that he would be blindly repeating the actions that had cost him the left half of his tail. His response was to bite the leader's arm as he attempted to direct Lamar back into town. The rest of the team quickly subdued him out and brought him back forcibly. After being brought back to town it was made clear that he needed a change in direction. After reflecting on the past day's events, Lamar decided that he would still join a rescue team. While he still wanted to fight Rex, he knew that attempting that now would be unwise. He thought that maybe there was more out there for him. He would try to prove that he was above petty revenge by helping others...or at least that was what he told the guildmaster when he joined.

Hm... it's longer, but it still is the same in some aspects, mainly the first two paragraphs. It seems too cliche, and the third and fourth paragraphs don't do much to support the story, and in fact make it harder for him to even get his own team if he bit a guildmaster's arm (even though it would barely do any damage) because both guilds would see him as possibly dangerous to his team or to members of the guild.

[Balmung1100]

He bit the leader of a rescue team, he's not quite foolish enough to fight a guildmaster. Still working on the bio bit by bit.

[Lugia]

So, can anyone post?

[Balmung1100]

Just made some more fixes, it is kind of difficult to completely avoid cliches.

[Sumable]

Balmung1100 said . After regaining consciousness, Lamar attempted to re-enter the cave that he was raised in only to be denied by the very rescue team that had saved him. Lamar felt that this was a challenge to what little dignity he had left and attempted to fight his former saviors only to be defeated and taken back to Allure town where he came to the conclusion that he was simply not strong enough. He decided to train himself and one day return to his home to reclaim his pride. His way of training had not truly changed from when he was younger and he still challenged many of the more powerful residents only to be defeated over and over...until one day he realized that the majority of the pokemon that he had been facing were part of the very guild that the rescue team that had saved and defeated him were affiliated with.

I really have no say in this, but I sort of can predict whether or not something would get accepted. The biggest problem is this paragraph. I know it's hard to avoid the 'i must train' cliche, but instead, make him think he's strong enough just to go to the guild and then maybe in an IC post he can find out he needs to train. Just find out some way to edit that paragraph. If you do that, you'll probably get accepted.

[Lugia]

Hmm... well, I have to say that I'm in agreement with Sumable.

[Balmung1100]

Edited some more.

[Lugia]

Hmm...
...
well... unless Kabling can find something wrong with it, I'd think that the amount of effort you put into it makes it acceptable. You may begin.

[Evanist]

I guess we are still waiting a bit, but i dont mind

[Sumable]

Something can't stop me from smiling at Kamina's reaction to Celes using draining kiss on that void eevee. Was it a void eevee? It was grey, according to Lugia's post.

[Lugia]

It was a void eevee, and you're not the only one, Sumable.

[Card Captor]

Thank you, I try my best. Oh, and just in case anyone's wondering why Kamina thinks Celes has mind control powers; well remember when she charmed (not the move) that shop owner into actually selling stuff to them? Well let's just say that read into that wrong

[Evanist]

*Celes use mind control, enemie hit self in the face multiple times*
xD

[Lugia]

Lolol, that must be what Kamina thinks she's capable of.

[KaBling]

I still need to:
-Post in several roleplays
-Check an application
-Moderate
-Make a joke

[Sumable]

KaBling said
I still need to:
-Post in several roleplays
-Check an application
-Moderate
-Make a joke

Well, then get going on that.

[Lugia]

Apparently, his browser's blocked for the next two hours, or something. At least, that's what he told me.