Microfiction & poetry contest #11 - voting and feedback

[Loksfjoer]

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Welcome to the Voting and Feedback round for MF&P#11!

Voting and Feedback guidelines

• Please take your time to read through all the entries before voting for your favourite work. The reasons you base your vote on are up to you, as long the vote isn’t based on whether or not you like the author.
  It would be nice if you could share why you voted for a specific work.
• Giving feedback is optional but highly encouraged. When giving feedback you should be respectful and constructive. It’s good to point out any flaws or the things you feel could be improved or why you didn't like something, but don’t be mean.
  Make sure to point out what you liked or what appreciated in the entry too.
• Contestants may (and are encouraged to) vote and/or give feedback for the other entries but shouldn’t vote for their own entry. If contestants wish to withhold a vote and only give feedback, that is good too.
• The entries are anonymous unless the writer asked for having their name added. That being said, writers may claim their work at any time during or after the voting period.
• The entry with the most votes will win, but in case of a tie a Contest Mod will cast the tie-breaker vote.
• You can vote for entries and post your feedback in this thread, but if you rather have your vote and/or feedback be anonymous you can PM it to @Loksfjoer.
• The voting period deadline is August 30th, 9:00 CET, which is 7:00 server time (both times are in a.m.).

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The Entries

Two entries had the same title so I added a number for voting purposes.

Wind (#1)

Wind,
Wind is a soft and gentle breeze,
Wind is a soft push in the right direction,
Wind is a gentle hum producing a song to be written,
Wind is everywhere,
Everyday,
Wind is the calm before the storm,
Wind is a warning for all that comes,
Wind is both nothing and everything,
But what is wind really,
Wind is a mother, gentle songs spread through the air,
Wind is a father, correcting and pushing to be the best,
Wind is a sibling, teasing and laughing,
Wind.

by @Midnight stars

The Wind Doesn't Whistle, It Talks.

I desperately wander across the lifeless and barren sandscape.
Disorientated by the relentless heat and blinding light.
My growing dehydration strips away my naïve hope of an escape.
Yet I still trek onwards; not giving up without a fight.

I regret embarking on this adventure without a companion in-tow.
Learning too late I can not handle exploration alone.
My deepest fears and spiralling loneliness are beginning to show.
As I abruptly start talking; even though I'm on my own.

I loudly express my new-found distaste for the unforgiving desert.
Berating its fatal environment and merciless nature.
I then try to scold myself next; but fail as I become less alert.
And ceased my constant trudging to take a breather.

Without my noisy footsteps I soon became overwhelmed by silence.
Though this horrible quietness was broken by a breeze.
The gentle sound resharpen my mind; revitalizing my perseverance.
Motivating me to keep moving with every gusty reprise.

I listened to the wind and resumed my journey as best I could.
Taking another pained step forward after each gust hit.
The blusterous force began to whisper in whistles I understood.
As each blow sounded like words telling me not to quit.

I briefly considered if the communicative wind was mere insanity.
And perhaps I was imagining a savour in my dying moments.
Though all lingering doubts halted as I realized this wasn't fantasy.
As many arrows formed in the sand due to the airs currents.

I followed the many directional commands with renewed determination.
Whilst struggling to fight the urge to fall unconscious.
I loudly exclaimed my gratitude to the windiness for its intervention.
Thankful it had spared me from death's eternal darkness.

Then I happened to spot something which left me absolutely baffled.
A trail of shoe-prints recently embedded into the sand.
Then I realized the wind wasn't whistling anymore; it just giggled.
As it been leading me in circles across the wasteland.

The gentle breeze intensified; as giggles converted into a chortle.
Spiralling around me till a laughing sandy vortex formed.
Whatever the wind subjects me to next will likely be equally immoral.
And its already hard to breathe as the sand has me swarmed.

It all too much to process given my weakened, dying, and overheated state.
And I start fading to black; ready to lose consciousness eternally.
The last sensory experience I have is hearing the wind joyous about my fate.
As sand covers me up to ensure I'm left undiscovered permanently.

by @ADarkLightbulb

Wind (#2)

I can hear you in the wind,

Whispers of things you used to say

As the breeze touches my skin

It takes me back to that day

The day we had to say goodbye

Was cold and blistery

It was supposed to be a holiday

But ended in misery

You visit in my dreams

But I never see your face

I wake up

Missing your embrace

Daddy Man, I miss you so

We all miss you terribly

Your jokes, your words of wisdom

Your hugs and being goofy

When the wind blows I think

Of all the talks we had

All the memories made

With the best of dads

You’re often on my mind

Wishing I could fill you in

On all the things you’re missing

My ups and downs, my wins

Until we meet again

I’ll listen for your whispers

The breezes in the halls

When the air’s not on, not blowing

No reason for breezes at all

I know you’re still here in spirit

And you’ve got some things left to say

So I will continue to listen to the wind

Each and every day

The Hanged Man

Coils winding around the hanging rope,
Each turn marking the minutes he had left,
Seven twists of fate he could only hope,
His execution is the price of theft.
So down he went in falling for his sin,
Another body swaying in the wind.

[nymian]

My vote

The Wind Doesn't Whistle, It Talks.

I desperately wander across the lifeless and barren sandscape.
Disorientated by the relentless heat and blinding light.
My growing dehydration strips away my naïve hope of an escape.
Yet I still trek onwards; not giving up without a fight.

I regret embarking on this adventure without a companion in-tow.
Learning too late I can not handle exploration alone.
My deepest fears and spiralling loneliness are beginning to show.
As I abruptly start talking; even though I'm on my own.

I loudly express my new-found distaste for the unforgiving desert.
Berating its fatal environment and merciless nature.
I then try to scold myself next; but fail as I become less alert.
And ceased my constant trudging to take a breather.

Without my noisy footsteps I soon became overwhelmed by silence.
Though this horrible quietness was broken by a breeze.
The gentle sound resharpen my mind; revitalizing my perseverance.
Motivating me to keep moving with every gusty reprise.

I listened to the wind and resumed my journey as best I could.
Taking another pained step forward after each gust hit.
The blusterous force began to whisper in whistles I understood.
As each blow sounded like words telling me not to quit.

I briefly considered if the communicative wind was mere insanity.
And perhaps I was imagining a savour in my dying moments.
Though all lingering doubts halted as I realized this wasn't fantasy.
As many arrows formed in the sand due to the airs currents.

I followed the many directional commands with renewed determination.
Whilst struggling to fight the urge to fall unconscious.
I loudly exclaimed my gratitude to the windiness for its intervention.
Thankful it had spared me from death's eternal darkness.

Then I happened to spot something which left me absolutely baffled.
A trail of shoe-prints recently embedded into the sand.
Then I realized the wind wasn't whistling anymore; it just giggled.
As it been leading me in circles across the wasteland.

The gentle breeze intensified; as giggles converted into a chortle.
Spiralling around me till a laughing sandy vortex formed.
Whatever the wind subjects me to next will likely be equally immoral.
And its already hard to breathe as the sand has me swarmed.

It all too much to process given my weakened, dying, and overheated state.
And I start fading to black; ready to lose consciousness eternally.
The last sensory experience I have is hearing the wind joyous about my fate.
As sand covers me up to ensure I'm left undiscovered permanently.

by [@ADarkLightbulb]

[Mole]

;-; Gimme a moment. I can’t decide which one I like best. This is hard.

[Mole]

Okay, so — eight hours later, this might be a little circumstantial. I just finished binge reading The Memory Police by Yoko Ogawa, which has somehow influenced my decision making skills, and despite how much I enjoyed and now recommend the novel, Wind by @Midnight stars is a breath of fresh air to the haunting mystery of what Ogawa just pulled me through. So, that is where I place my vote. However, I must say again, the decision was difficult.

[BrokenPromise]

I really wanted to join this one, but the short deadline just didn’t line up with my schedule. Better luck next time as they say!

I’m no poet, and it looks like all of these are poems. So I can’t offer a lot of constructive criticism. It’s going to be a lot of “I liked this because it made my brain feel good” without much constructive advice.

Wind (#1)

Wind.

Wind?

Wind!

I thought it was cute.

The Wind Doesn't Whistle, It Talks.

It’s a shame the person who wrote this divided by zero.

Some of the words only rhymed because they had an “ed” ending. But I did appreciate the attempt to tell a story in poem format. At least, a more complete one than the other entries.

Wind (#2)

I am not smart enough to piece together what this poem is about.

The Hanged Man

Oh that, Oh that was grim. But I liked it.

Vote

Hanged man gets my vote. Wind (#1) was a close second though.

[Mole]

@BrokenPromise, Wind #2 is about missing his or her dad.

[BrokenPromise]

@Mole Thank you. They contacted me via PM to tell me.

[Kassarock]

Wind,
Wind is a soft and gentle breeze,
Wind is a soft push in the right direction,
Wind is a gentle hum producing a song to be written,
Wind is everywhere,
Everyday,
Wind is the calm before the storm,
Wind is a warning for all that comes,
Wind is both nothing and everything,
But what is wind really,
Wind is a mother, gentle songs spread through the air,
Wind is a father, correcting and pushing to be the best,
Wind is a sibling, teasing and laughing,
Wind.

by @Midnight stars

@Loksfjoer

Wind(#1) gets my vote.

[Salenea]

wind #1: joyful and frivolous. It's a little happy dance of a poem. ^_^

the wind doesn't whistle, it talks: an epic but ultimately sad story that rhymes as well! Good job!

wind #2: beautiful and bittersweet, a poem that makes you feel a whole lot of emotions, wonderful!

the hanged man: dark and ghastly. Short poem but there is nothing that needed adding, well done!

I had the hardest time casting a vote for this contest. I loved all the entries. The one that lingered the most for me, the one I thought about the most after reading them all was: The Hanged Man.
So that one gets my vote.

[Loksfjoer]

The voting deadline has passed, which means we have a tie between Wind #1 and Hanged Man.

I adored all entries, so it's indeed not easy to vote. I suppose I'm the lucky one as I only need to choose between the two, but it's still not an easy pick.

My vote goes to Hanged Man: while the shortest of all poems, it was also a strong entry that was able to paint a clear picture and I appreciate the fact the word wind was used in two different ways.

[Mole]

Yay! That was my second choice!