[OOC] Equestria Divided: In Nominé - MLP RP

[JonxlatheLion]

Alright. Maybe not a God, but some other being of power?

[kapuchu]

Mortal of any allignment you want (just keep it reasonable. We don't want madmen running about. He can be completely cold and careless if you want, but a madman isn't fun or interesting to interact with), or a God that is, inherently, good.

You can choose between those two. Other "beings of power" do not exist.

[JonxlatheLion]

Alright. Sounds good to me. I'll probably make another god character, then make a mortal character as well for the more... evil shenanigans XD.
Are the spheres of Mind, Knowledge, and Memory acceptable and open?

[kapuchu]

Said Mortal character would then be a follower, otherwise there's no reason for you to have that one mortal character. So if you want to actually do "evil" stuff, go with a mortal character only.

[JonxlatheLion]

Hm... i'll think about it.
But still, did you like my idea for that faction's cannon fodder? The Mane Six clones? XD my friend came up with that one, honestly.

[kapuchu]

Honestly? No. I skimmed through it and, quite frankly, I'd never let anything like that pass...

[JonxlatheLion]

awww. That's fine. But hey, I tried!
oooo.... i think i got an idea....
A dragon faction? Or is that too much?

[kapuchu]

Pony, alicorn, Gryphon. Those are your choices. I'd rather we keep dragons out of this alltogether.

[JonxlatheLion]

I find the idea of a reptilian race appealing... but alright. I won't push the envelope too far. I probably will have a CS up again by tomorrow, or today. And thank you for discussing it with me rather than booting me at the first sign of poking at the borders of the roleplay XD.

[Dawnscroll]

*takes a deep breathe* Finally, something I can tear apart....

Let the games begin.

Name- TallyMark, sometimes calls himself Halindrix.

What does that have to do with his sphere? Is he god of... what? Check lists? Record Keeping? Or for that matter, his second name? Wtf does that mean? Anything to do with the first? Just... two names? Alright then.

Coat/Eyes/Mane/Cutie Mark: A white alicorn with black tally marks burned into his body. He has empty eyes that feel like they stare into your soul. His mane is made of black flame that flickers and seems to have a mind of his own, and his tail is the same way. His cutie mark, if you could call it a 'cutie' mark, is a laughing skull with blood pouring out it's eyes.

Right so... he's a zebra. So how many tally marks? 10? 20? A thousand? Do they have a purpose?

Empty eyes... and yet somehow able to stare into soul. So sorta like jumbo shrimp, eh?

Fire for tail and mane... despite no other alicorns having such traits...

Ah, the cliched "skull crying tears of blood"... because that has not been seen before! Also... you realize a laughing skull is just.... a skull with its mouth open, right?

Right, so appearances alone Im gonna say he's the cliche mary-sue villain of the week. Lets see if I'm right!

Spheres of influence: Insanity, madness, shadow, deceit, Necromancy.

Oh lookie! Five spheres of influence that have NOTHING to do with each other!!! I was right!

Powers and abilities:
Madness Incarnate: Being the closest thing to the physical representation of sheer insanity this universe has to offer, he has immense raw magical power as the more madness there is, the stronger he gets. He is feeding off the war to fuel his plans.
Necromantic Fiend: Due to his large use of necromancy and black magic, his mind has started to be plagued by visions of horrific fiends. This keeps him awake at all times, and has only increased his own insanity.
Light shapeshifter: His light control over minds allow him to change how he appears.
Master Necromancer: Most of his army is that of necrotic constructs and skeletal fiends. Sometimes deals in forbidden rituals to summon creatures from the Warped Dimension, a place where horrific beings of power and dark magics lurk.
Insanity Factor: The longer he is in combat, the stronger, tougher, and overall better in physical prowess he becomes.
Anger Factor: The more pain he is put under, the stronger his magical capability gets.
Advanced Unicorn Magic: Can cast high level spells with ease. Just not ones that require true mastery.

Op... cliche... has nothing to do with his spheres... op... super op... op... he's a fucking Alicorn, I would certainly hope he could do the last one.

There's so many things wrong with his powers, all of which made him stupidly strong. KAP! Fetch me my bow!

Seat of Power: Resides in a vast cave system underneath the bottom of Ghastly Gorge.

I hand you a map of Equestria, and you give him a trailer in the back of the 7/11.

Number of followers: Barely any living ponies are stupid or insane enough to help him in his cause. But if i had to name a number, i'd say 650 living ponies currently serve him without question. They are his to control, no matter the command.

Methinks you don't have any idea what 'barely' means.

His most loyal follower is a lich.

Of course he is...

Name: Skazzaern
Age: 2046
Species: Lich, formally a Gryphon.
Appearance: A skeletal gryphon with glowing blue eyes.
Abilities: Raise Dead: Can raise scores of undead, whether it's ponies or a house cat, the magic will fill the corpse and put it under his control.
Laughing Skulls: throws screaming skulls that are engulfed in blue fire at the enemy. At contact with anything they explode. Violently
Fear Aura: any sensible mortal would run at the sight of this horror of magic.
Weakness: Has a ring on his left middle finger. If the ring is broken, he dies for good.
Strength: If he is destroyed, but the ring remains, his body reforms from thin air.

Right. So why was something as malignantly evil as a LICH able to survive this long in Equestria? Im pretty sure he would've been blasted by the Friendship Canon by now and working for Fluttershy if... wait. Brb. I have a new fanfic to write. Also, powers are op and for a character, the Lich concept is OP unless they're the BBEG.

Divine Blessing: Shadow Affinity: Allows the recipient to talk to shadows, and control them to a limit.

I... had no idea shadow could be spoken too. Or were alive. Or had conscious thought! Or had ANYTHING to do with the powers of your god.

[quote]Purpose: To exact his revenge on all other alicorns for banishing him to the mortal realm. He also plans to steal the Elements of Harmony and then weaponize them into an alicorn killing superweapon, so he can obliterate this universe then piece it back together as he sees fit.[quote]

A masterful plan if I do say so myself. Quite good. And um... how exactly is this doomsday weaping going to work? And why haven't WE ever heard of such an Alicorn? I mean, we sealed him away. Am I suppose to go, "Ah! My evil brother who I have forgotten about until just now!" Also... we left him on the Mortal Plane? Fuck, I dont even need to be a god to know thats a horrible plan...

Divine Flaw:
Triple Personality Syndrom: Has three split sides in his head. They are as goes:
Skizzerax:, The angry and uncontrollable. He will kill for pleasure and then eat the body. A frightening foe on the battlefield, but his blind anger can easily get him killed.
Halindrix: The calm and scheming. He takes a more political approach to his wants, and will bribe or even swoon his opponent to do his will.
TallyMark: The insane. Not much more I can say there.
The speed he changes between the three personalities depends on the amount of chaos in the land. Right now, it can be minutes or even seconds before he changes. Before the war, it would have taken months or even years.

And thus the flaw which is really just another character trait reveals itself! So of COURSE this guy has to be three Alicorns in one. And no in way or sense in MPD actually like this, fyi...

God Complex: All the personalities believe themselves unable to lose any battle they choose to fight in personally. They also believe themselves better than all other beings in the realm.

So what you're saying is... he'd lose the first time he came in combat with us. Because... y'know... not even the gods are immortal.

Decay: Due to his immense use of dark magics, his soul has started to fall apart and decay.

Because the GOD of Dark Magics is not even immune to the corruption of Dark Magic... despite being designed by Faust to have exactly that sphere. Right... way to go, Faust. Brilliant design.

And then you're so all over the place with those units, I wont even address them...

*grins and knocks back his bow, a big heavy arrow loaded in it* Now explain to me why I shouldn't end your adventuring days here and now? This is a Gary-Stu if I ever saw one, and literally is the exact OPPOSITE of everything we asked for in the first post. The answer for this character is flatout No. So much so, that the only single redeeming factor of this guy was that he was an Alicorn and Male. Thats it.

No. Niet. Nein. And for good measure...

[JonxlatheLion]

I appreciate your opinion. I am thinking up a new character as we speak that is more acceptable. Thank you.

[Dawnscroll]

*blinks* Wow, he took that in stride.

Okay... this is good. First test passed. Lets see what you got~

[JonxlatheLion]

Name- Marbles

Species – Alicorn

Gender: Male

Appearance: white fur with unreadable runes inscribed onto it. His mane is wild and unkempt and a silvery grey, along with is tail being the same way. His wings are a coppery color. His cutie mark is a closed book with a brain on the cover.

Spheres of influence: Mind, Knowledge, and Memory, Science, Technology. (if these last two are taken I will get rid of them)

Seat of Power: Manehatten.

Abilities:
Reading of minds: Can collect knowledge from mortal minds and read their memories. He can also read the minds of Alicorns, but must have physical contact with their forehead to do so. And they must be willing to let him.
Unmatched Illusionist: Can make mortal ponies see what he wants them to, but can only hold these illusions for so long. a minute to the max.
Unmatched Intellect: The other alicorns envy his immense mental capacity. While he is not the best, he is very intelligent.
Number of followers: Has an order devoted to him with thousands of acolytes and monks ready to die for their leader.

Divine Blessing: Photographic and flawless memory. His head priest and right hand man has claimed this blessing already.

Purpose: He will not admit it, but he came to be worshipped. But he also wishes to bring order to the land through removal of emotion and mortal whims. To have only logic. Think of how Vulcans in Star Trek are. That's what he wants for all ponies to be like.

Divine Flaw: Unable to feel emotion, cold and calculating to the core, almost mechanical in his decisions.
His body is frail and weak, and he is not as tough as other alicorns. Still can take more abuse then a mortal pony, but is weaker then most alicorns.

Other: Has a faction, named the Order of the Mind
Units; Call themselves the Order of the Mind Militia, or OMM for short.
Exiled: monks that felt an emotion, they are forced to fight as cannon fodder on the battle ground. They have their mouths stitched closed and their ears are torn off. They fight with crazed bravery to prove themselves worthy to stand by their god in the afterlife he promises them.
Knights: unicorns in heavy bronze armor, they use magic to fight with sword and shield. Trained from birth through brutal rituals, they are fearless warriors who go into every fight ready to die.
HellFire Turret: A turret that is purely stationary. It bathes the ground in Greek Fire.
SteamBreather: Another defense mechanism. It is a turret as well, it superheats water to a scalding steam then spews it out.
Medic: A unicorn in a protective suit of armour, has medical supplies to heal downed soldiers.
Technician: Drivers of the turrets and, equipped with a repeating crossbow. Usually unicorns or earth ponies.
WarBirds: The pride and glory of the OMM, they are armored gryphons that take bombs into the air and then drop them onto the enemy.
Flak Cannon: shoots shrapnel bombs into the air, useful for taking out mass air units like pegasi swarms. Stationary.
Warrior: Earth ponies in huge sets of armor powered by steam and water. They are powered by water and must stay in range of either a hose or another water source.
Slicers: Huge spinning saw blades that are mounted onto the bottom of a wall to destroy any attempt to climb it with ladders, and then turn the ponies to mince meat.
I know they are powerful, but as you can see only five units are able to travel distance, and only one is very powerful. They are defence heavy. I am willing to lower it down if need be. Just give me the word.

[Dawnscroll]

*opens mouths, and then closes it. Stares at the profile again, and raises his finger to say something, but words fail him. He leaves for a few minutes, only to return pushing a giant ballista that he then aims at Jonx's forhead*

Right. I have three questions for you!

1) Have you read the entire RP? Do you know whats going on?
2) Have you read the instruction for the OOC? Have you read everyone else's character sheets? Do you know what they look like?
3) Do you know whats wrong with your character? Dig deep... rip him apart. Find everything that sets off the hackles of everyone in the RP.

You are learning, my student.

[JonxlatheLion]

... Well, the technology thing is a bit much i know that, he isn't the god of technology. I'll fix that. His main power is probably too much for his tier. I can't say much for what is going on in the roleplay but I will read into it. His appearance is too general for one, also very... cliche for a god. I think i'll give him a more down-to-earth appearance as well... maybe tan fur with a black mane and tail, and silver eyes? His military I can see why it would be unwanted.
And he might come off as already settled in. I see now. I will change this immeidiately.

[Dawnscroll]

Considering you really did not read ANY of the of the OOC, character profiles, and have YET to read the RP and youre just making characters willy nilly... we have a much larger problem.

Y'know, other than this characters profile. Which blows as much as the last one. :/ Its... better in as much as Hurrican Katrina was "Better" than the tsunami that hit Japan... honestly, I think I could write a novel on everything wrong with this character.

Seriously, and I implore you, because you seem like a nice guy and you're eager to play... read EVERYTHING. Read the characters, read the OOC stuff, read the RP. Then you'll know exactly what we're looking for. Also, the new color scheme you wanted to give him? Yeah, thats MY guy. Seriously.

[kapuchu]

Let me sum it up to you: His Spheres are nowhere near real spheres. Have you looked at a list of Greek Gods like I suggested?
His ability to read minds is awfully close to breaking the "no omniscient" rule which was written in the introduction post. He is no god of Deceit or Lies, so being able to use illusions is unlikely. Same goes for unmatched intellect which, in and of itself, is something that sets off "Gary Stu" alarm bells immediately. He's intelligent, sure! But he's nowhere near the point where he's more intelligent than the rest, and to such a degree that the others envy him because of that. Not only is that just a sign of a bad character creator, but it's also godmodding because you're telling us what our characters feel or think.

So his understanding of physics, something that the gods can openly defy should they so desire, surpasses the other gods' understanding of it? Surpasses the understanding of the one who created said physics? With that ability/statement, you're setting your own character a step above Faust, the Creator. That's a huge no-no and is enough to have you character denied immediately. And again, he's not omniscient. How would he have learned every language there is without ever actually learning them? There is a reason for why Theá's speech is very formal and often gets a bit of an archaic twist. It's because she hasn't been on the Mortal Plane for thousands of years, and she's still trying to adapt.

and just plain worshippers ready to die for their god should someone go against him.

Why are they ready to die for him? Why does he have thousands? Where do they come from? Yes, Theá has roughly four thousand followers, but that comes as a result of her being a hunter, and travelling around the globe. She has interacted with many, many ponies, gryphons and more and gained followers from them. She's the fastest of the Gods and she is able to travel quickly enough to seek out so many and gain their loyalty in only three months.

I don't have much of a problem with his Blessing, except that it's a bit much with "flawless memory".

His purpose... Do you have any idea how quickly he will get Bitch Slapped if someone like, say, Sweeper, Torrential, or Theá finds out that that is his goal? I can't say it's wrong, but I'm just warning you here. Plus, his goals contradict. How can he be worshipped if everyone are mindless machines that work using only cold logic?

Exiled: monks that felt an emotion, they are forced to fight as cannon fodder on the battle ground. They have their mouths stitched closed and their ears are torn off. They fight with crazed bravery to prove themselves worthy to stand by their god in the afterlife he promises them.

Uh. Ouch. That's torture, plain and simple. You're a PROTECTOR of ponies. Do you have any idea how fast Faust would boot you to Oblivion if he did that? Faster than Theá can fly, and she breaks the sound barrier without effort.

Knights: unicorns in heavy bronze armor,

Is he trying to get them killed? Sure, bronze is tougher than copper, but you usually use steel for armour.

As for the rest of the units: Stick to what can be done in Equestria, not Steampunk stuff. Also, this isn't a RTS game with twenty different units pr faction, nor are we making our own factions. We are playing Gods with followers, and those followers are just normal ponies and not mechas or turrets, or crazed monks with mouths sewn shut.

Try again, and please do what Dawn and I have said; Look through a list of greek gods, find something interesting and let that inspire your character, or make a mortal character. But before that, read the introduction posts, read the RP, and read our characters. Then make your own character, and when you look through it again after it's done (but before it's posted) rip it apart; find anything that, in the words of Dawnscroll, "sets off the hackles of everyone in the Rp." In other words, is he realistic? Is he interesting but not overpowered?

[JonxlatheLion]

Then i'll stick to what I know, a regular ol' pony! O3O

[JonxlatheLion]

Now wait a second! Ten minute job my butt! Honestly, this is going from constructive criticism to outright rude. The player-made events of the IC should not decide whether a character is acceptable. I read the history. I know the rules and I know my gods were too much now. I will be making a new character and will spend the rest of the day on it. This time i'm going to discuss with you what I think you might not like so this doesn't happen again.
Plus, I can point out so many flaws in your 'stick to MLP' plan, like the fact Zebras come from the other side of the world, not the Everfree forest.

[JonxlatheLion]

oh yah. They have trains. Steampunk is possible in MLP
Hot air ballons? Steampunk!
pedal powered flying machines!
All it would take is one little push to throw Equestria into the age of SteamPunk
During war technology shoots through the roof.