Apparently it's socially unacceptable to refuse to go to your mother's funeral

[idlehands]

Yeah, people will think you're an asshole for not going. And that's too bad. It's a tradition and basically even if you don't like going, even if you're mother understood this, you're going to be seen as a spoiled brat for not sucking it up and showing your 'respects'.

[Raxacoricofallapatorius]

I think I can deal. It's not like I'm skipping out to go to a concert or something so my conscience is clear, I'm sure the rest of my family will survive without me and I don't give a skittle about what any of my mom's friends think.

Not one skittle.

[idlehands]

Also, my condolences, Rax. I'm sorry about your mother passing away.

[Halo]

Ah. It sounded like a hypothetical question in the OP - I didn't realise your mother had really passed. Let me add my condolences to Idle's.

As a piece of advice... I know you have your reasons for not going, but personally I think you should consider it anyway. People tend to regret the things that they didn't do, rather than those they did. Your mum's funeral isn't something you want to regret missing - just remember that you may feel very, very differently about all this in future.
That being said, if you still decide to not go, it's extremely admirable that you're able to stand your ground on this and follow your own principles. Good on you, hon.

EDIT: Don't want this to come off like I'm trying to debate the morals of it with you. It's intended as a piece of... food for thought, I suppose. For your sake.

[idlehands]

Halo said
Ah. It sounded like a hypothetical question in the OP - I didn't realise your mother had really passed. Let me add my condolences to Idle's.As a piece of advice... I know you have your reasons for not going, but personally I think you should consider it anyway. People tend to regret the things that they didn't do, rather than those they did. Your mum's funeral isn't something you want to regret missing - just remember that you may feel very, very differently about all this in future.That being said, if you still decide to not go, it's extremely admirable that you're able to stand your ground on this and follow your own principles. Good on you, hon.EDIT: Don't want this to come off like I'm trying to debate the morals of it with you. It's intended as a piece of... food for thought, I suppose. For your sake.

That's a good point.

[Raxacoricofallapatorius]

Oh no, she's not dead yet. This all stemmed from a hypotheitical conversation. My mom is doing very well actually. She had back surgery for a slipped disk not too long ago and is feeling better than she has in a long time.

But thanks anyway I suppose.

[idlehands]

Good lord. I wasted feels on you. I want a refund.

Glad she's still alive.

[Gwazi Magnum]

I'm not sure how people suddenly got confused into thinking that wasn't a hypothetical. :/

Anyways, the reason people regret the stuff they don't go to is because the conclusion is unknown. It could have been good (which is what people cling onto/count on when they have said regret) but it could also have been very bad. I find as long as you keep a neutral/realistic outlook on the past, rather than an optimistic it's easy to not regret skipping ______. Cause you remember you're reasoning, and how likely it really was to turn out not so well.

Also, often when people regret such things they're looking at it in a sense as an outsider. They are no longer in the situation, dealing with the pressures, the 'right here, right now' sensation and experience. It's easy to say "You should go to _______" when you're not in the situation anymore.

[Raxacoricofallapatorius]

All very true, and I may change my mind in the future, but I doubt it. I've been to enough funerals for people I cared about and people I didn't, so I have a pretty good idea of how I want to deal with it when it happens. But the future isn't set in stone.

[Darog the Badger God]

I know how you're feeling, Last year when my sister died, I told my parents and my two brothers that I wouldn't be going, got some weird looks from them. I just wasn't ready at all, and even a whole year after I still don't feel ready.

Just do what you feel helps, fuck those that don't respect your decision.

Magic Magnum said
That's also another thing that puzzled me.How at a funeral people think they're being nice and considering by constantly swarming you at the funeral.I'm pretty sure when someone is grieving they'd want to, I don't know? Greive!?Not play host/hostess to everyone else there.

I personally hate that swarming effect, it's really annoying and doesn't allow me escape in my mind when I need to.

However, my brother(youngest) he likes that feeling that people ask him if he's okay and that reassure him he's gonna be fine. People react/feel/think differently.

[Gwazi Magnum]

Darog the Badger God said
I know how you're feeling, Last year when my sister died, I told my parents and my two brothers that I wouldn't be going, got some weird looks from them. I just wasn't ready at all, and even a whole year after I still don't feel ready. Just do what you feel helps, fuck those that don't respect your decision.I personally hate that swarming effect, it's really annoying and doesn't allow me escape in my mind when I need to. However, my brother(youngest) he likes that feeling that people ask him if he's okay and that reassure him he's gonna be fine. People react/feel/think differently.

I know that people tend to react and grieve differently, and that people are generally social creatures.
But there are enough cases of people who tend to adopt the "Leave me alone!" stance when upset that I'm surprised people don't know better than to give people some space during something like a funeral.