[OOC] Rise of the Stars, a freeform Sci-Fi Fantasy NRP

[Legion02]

Fair enough. It does feels like it's lacking a little to me. So I wouldn't mind adapting it. Do you have an specific things that should be changed?

[Willy Vereb]

@Legion02You may wish to detail what these various ships can do. No need for excessive details just for us to get a general idea.
Also your technology description only talks about two technologies while you imply several others.
Try getting more comprehensive with these. You only mention bits and not the important parts which would let us get the whole picture.
Check out the other nation profiles to see how others did it. I'm sure it can help.

[Willy Vereb]

Damn it I accidentally cut and then forgot to paste my post and overwrote the content of the clipboard.
4-5 paragraphs worth of complicated Mortean history is gone! (and many other stuff I care somewhat less about)
I don't think I'll have the motivation to rewrite that any time today.

[Alfhedil]

@Legion02@duck55223

A few things to look over, and then I think we can be good to go. First, and quite possibly the most important, is the defining of what Eden actually is. I appreciate that it was left vague so as to keep from having to over-define it and possibly run into debate on whether or not it would actually work in the way you want, but at the moment I'm left wondering. Is it a true energy source, something that obeys the physical laws of the universe, and thusly is bound by the law of conservation of mass? If so, then where does new Eden come from, and how is only found on the homeworld of the Archons? The alternative, is to define it purely as magic. This would make defining it otherwise as extremely irrelevant, as nearly all of your tech would now be Magitech, and as such, probably not bound by physical laws.

Second, and with the potential to be more of an issue, is the Archons themselves. From your app, they are literally energy beings, though how they came about is mostly undefined beyond a 'when'. Are they actual ascended beings, or just some people who have had the misfortune of being transformed into new beings? On either account, I would like to at least a little explanation as to how it came about, and whether or not it is possible to be recreated.

And some other things that aren't really important that would help greatly, is to give a little more filler to the sheet in the form of providing some detail to the military, society, and tech sections so that we have a better idea as to what nation is truly like. Give some more info on the Immortal Fleet, at the moment it feels like you want us to look at them and go "Those guys are ded 'ard." but I'm not really feeling that sentiment when I read through half a paragraph of "This is they.". Build them up into that force to be reckoned with that you allude to them as, through things like what kind of people command the fleet, how the fleet was formed, engagements in the past, and how the fleet as a whole operates. Look to my own sheet and how I build up the Fractal Armada as an example if need be, but more or less give the section some life. Quality over quantity is generally the rule to follow, but if the more attention you show to something, the more the rest of us will see that it's something truly important to your nation and something to pay attention to.

Your culture section is also notoriously absent, which is not entirely your own fault as it's not in the NS template, but it's something that would be extremely helpful in gauging interactions with your nation. You don't have to go super in-depth and tell us every little detail about what life as a member of your nation is, but just a little peek into what things are like would go a long way into making your nation more than just a sheet of information and more into a living entity.

Just my own thoughts on the sheet as a whole, I find some of the concepts interesting and would like to see more done with them as a whole.

[ArenaSnow]

Right, well, I think I have a concept that might work, but I need to run these bits by first before I spend time compiling my thoughts.

Some critical parts of the culture in mind are beings that are more or less bosses. They aren't mobile ones and go by the name of "Queen" (for lack of a better name) that act as intelligence and control centers for entire armies of the species that can defend themselves, but not move on their own.

Secondly, the culture also relies upon "Juggernaught" ships - massive aircraft each consisting of one of the beforementioned "Queen". Capabilities include deploying large forces to attack a world, and when the world's defences are sufficiently weak, sending a series of terraformation pods to convert the world to an optimal atmosphere for the race in mind. Honestly, the entire structure is a hierarchy; losing a critical member sends forces into disarray.

The race will be largely biological without heavy technological advances (think the Zerg when you consider this bit) but large amounts of easily bred ground troops. I will probably integrate magic into the race quite a bit to fit the roleplay.

Finally, for better reference as to what I am truly inspired by (and considering I don't think anyoen here would actually know what the universe was if I posted it in its iconic bright red letters) see this link for the wiki page on what the inspired game is and this link for the game's lore on the species I have in mind, which I intend to fully develop into a nation if I get this far.

[Legion02]

@Alfhedil @Willy Vereb
Thank both of you so much for the constructive critism. I'll update and change my NS right away! Again, I cannot thank both of you enough.

[Willy Vereb]

Alright, posting what I have now:

The Morte Imperium

THE MORTE IMPERIUM

---

NATION SHEET

Name: The Morte Imperium, Das Mortereich, The Morte Empire
Species: Morteans (outwardly almost human)
Government: Totalitarian Elected Monarchy
Official Language: Gothic Standard
Homeworld: Mortis, Todestern System
Holdings: Star Systems: 7, Habitable Planets: 4, Colony Clusters: 16
Total Population: 85,569,242,144 (according to last year's census)
Military Power: 2,500,000,000 personnel (regulated by law, always replenished within a week)
Fleet Power: 2,500 warships (as per "peacetime" law restrictions, not including escorts and lesser ships)

HISTORY OVERVIEW

TBA

SPECIES/SOCIETY

Morteans are bipedal creatures who closely resemble humans. Whether they are distant descendants of human colonists or an alien race who are just similar to humans due to the pararell development theory, it's unknown. Morteans live in their harsh death worlds which made them look pale and weak compared to an average human. They're at average 163cm tall but there are rare Morteans who grow over 2 meters. Due to the effect of radiation, birth defects and mutations are relatively common and according to statistics 27.4% of the children die at (or before) birth. For every Mortean death is a common experience which swayed their society into an unique direction. Morteans neither fear death nor welcome it. They accept death as a natural element of their lives and strive to serve their community during the short time they're given (average 40 years). Morteans are utilitarians to the extreme, working precisely like cogs in well-oiled machine. In the eyes of others Morteans themselves do appear almost machine-like, having little in the way of personal goals and instead striving to complete their duties to the community as a whole. This unique mindset also makes Morteans numb to the feeling of loss other species experience. Morteans are capable of boundless cruelty without the slightest emotion behind. Compassion in its typical sense is almost completely foreign to them. On the other hand their higher orientation towards logic means Morteans always do things with reason. They have a clear view on risks and benefits which makes negotiations with Morteans surprisingly simple. The official language of the Mortereich is the Gothic Standard. It resembles German from the ancient human civilization albeit they are far from a perfect match to each other. There are also 7 major dialects and even more minor dialects within the population which can range from slight mutation to something that doesn't even sound like the same language.

GOVERNMENT/HOLDINGS

The Mortean government is imperial, formed in the ancient past under the necessity to fend off various invaders. Old databanks detail that until the fourth century IR the Kaiser's title was inherited by the descendants of Karl von Metzel. After the formation of the "Neue Reich" the Kaiser was elected for 6 years by a public vote. Thus the current government system is Elected Totalitarian Monarchy. Kaiser candidates must pass a rigorous set of selection tests and only the most fit . But aside from that anyone is eligible to become the Kaiser. There are no set political parties albeit having the favor of certain groups can increase a candidate's chances to become the Kaiser. Right after election the Kaiser has absolute power but he must use this with care. After the end of their run the former Kaiser is examined and questioned for his actions and may even face execution. Re-election is possible but only the maximum number of 4 times in a row. Overall the Morte Empire has a strict system of hierarchy. Anyone is expected to follow the orders of their superior to the letter. Insubordination leads to punishment. Yet if there are questions raised in regards of the superior's competence, these can be submitted to a higher up who upon further evaluation could demote the said person. Extraordinary promotions may be issued the same way, albeit the process is even more complicated. Generally the Mortean government and society works like a fine tuned machine. This undoubtedly contributes to their reputation as "machine-like people".

Overall, the Mortean Empire holds almost 40% of the Stormlosweg Sector which can be found in the uncharted regions of the galaxy. Stormlosweg Sector is devastated by the Kilonova Catastrophe over a millennia ago. This made life incredibly harsh for its inhabitants. Currently the Mortean Empire controls 7 star systems: Todderstern (their home system), Bekrieger, Heissessen, Brennenweg, Schmelzer, Grossernicht and Saltzricht. In spite of that they only possess 4 barely habitable planets. Their home system Mortis, Tannerbald the only planet with the potential for open terrain agriculture, the mineral-rich Stolzer and Krugern which was the former homeworld of the Luxans. To house their population elsewhere the Morteans built no less than 16 colony clusters in their territory and currently over 20% of Morte's population lives in them.

TECHNOLOGY/INDUSTRY

Since the ancient Kilonova Catastrophe the Morteans came a long way and advanced their science tremendously. It was both by the force of necessity and by reverse-engineering the technology of other civilizations. Nowadays they are the most advanced nation in the entire Stormlosweg Sector, even if compared to civilizations from the galaxy as a whole they have ways to go. Their chief power source is antimatter. Boon of the bane is that the Kilonova Catastrophe turned all stars into irregulars which naturally expel solar winds of pure antimatter. Gathering this up the Morte Empire has an almost inexhaustible supply. Their industry is developed massively over the centuries and their star systems are practically filled with automated mines and factories. These were once fueling the Morte's immense war machine but with the lasting peace these facilities are switched over to civilian production. 8 of the colony clusters were actually made in this century. Material engineering is similarly advanced in the Empire, with various batches of Durachrome can be found in all constructions.

For long centuries Morte's only reliable form of interstellar travel is the Warp Drive. This technology went through dozens of generations yet its chief mechanism remained the same. It manipulates space-time to effectively shorten the distance and allow ships to travel at apparent speeds faster than light. It's a proven and tested device, albeit compared to what most civilizations use in teh galaxy these are quite slow. Usually they can only travel a few lightyears in a day. Morte also has advanced medicine, cybernetics and AI technology albeit sentient machines are kept under strict control. They also know several terraformation methods yet none of these seems to solve the problem with their home planet. A scientist once proposed the idea to create a planet-wide barrier around Mortis but the results were rather discouraging.

MILITARY OVERVIEW

Mortean military doctrine reflects their society completely. They follow utility and precise organization. Laws explicitly determine the number of soldiers protecting the Empire and their count is reviewed every weekend. During "peacetime" (defined by the lack of major campaigns instead of the absence of any military action or hostilities) this quota was determined to be 2.5 billion, calculated to be just appropriate to keep the hostile neighbors at bay. During major military actions the Kaiser has full authority to raise this quota anywhere. All Morteans receive combat training before reaching adulthood and they're obliged to refresh it on every 4th year. In the Mortean Empire there are no civilians, just active soldiers and those who stay in reserve. The duty of the empire's protection is shared with everyone. The military branch of the Morteans is called Reichswehrmacht.

Reichsgrenadier

Name: Reichsgrenadier
Role: Standard Foot Soldier
Armor: Nanofiber mesh suit + durachrome/neutrozite plates
Primary Weapon: PASER Rifle
Misc: Environmental sealing, limited life support and temperature control, gas mask/rebreather, helmet-incorporated virtual screen with data-link, sensory information and early warning, heat/electromagnetic detector and night-vision modes, medical injectors

Standard soldier of the Morte Empire. Beneath their uniform they wear nanofiber mesh giving slight increase in strength and cushion against common impacts. Against well-armed soldiers the arangement of durachrome/neutrozite layered plates offer moderate protection, only allowing the higher setting of energy weapons to penetrate. Neutrozite layers exist as a stop-gate against antimatter particle weapons like PASER rifles. PASERS use minute antimatter reactions to launch microscopic amount of positron at the target, almost at lightspeed. Due to their nature their effectiveness against conventional armor increases 2 to 10 times. Reichsgrenadiers also carry around plasma grenades and one per platoon has the responsibility to safeguard their antimatter grenades.

Mortean Space Navy (Mortenkriegsflotte) doctrines concentrate on numbers and heavy long range firepower. Their primary propulsion systems are large antimatter impulse engines which provide reasonable acceleration at minuscule reaction mass spent. Their efficiency is further enhanced by the mass-lightening and space-folding effects of Warp Drives which are also their method of interstellar travel. Albeit slow compared to many other civilizations but its reliable economic nature allows ships to use them for constant travel with only moderate impact on the ship's power budget. Using similar theories the ship's main weaponry are superluminal PASER (Positron Accretion by Spatio-antimatter Explosive Reactions) and Grav Lance/QuASAR (Quark Acceleration by Spatio-stimulated Antimatter Reactions), the latter attacks with raw mass particles at FTL velocities, thus penetrating shields and armored hulls more efficiently than regular beams. They also have torpedoes that can be launched from warp catapult to temporarily gain FTL speed until reaching close to the target. Overall these weapons extend the Morte Fleet's range greatly and it isn't rare for them to target enemies from a few astronomical units away. Said weapons are assisted by hypercomms, hyper-radar and hypercameras which are all based on the Warp mechanism thus free of light-lag. For protection the Morte ships use thickly armored Durachrome composite hulls combined with their Force Shields, the latter generating a bubble of rapidly circling gluons and quarks, essentially covering themselves with multiple layers of pseudo-mass. While potent on its own the Force Shield's true purpose is to intercept attacks and attenuate them from afar (as they're usually projected 10-100km away depending on ship size and power), effectively rendering them harmless to the ship's armor thereafter.

The Mortenkriegsflotte is currently restricted by the "peacetime" law which limits them to 2500 warships, at least 70% of these must be the fast attack and individual patrol ships AKA frigates in order to secure the borders. The Morte Empire currently occupies the space of 46 cubic lightyears with their borders spreading for the area of 47 lightyears squared. With their warp drives usually only capable of crossing 1-3 lightyears a day they require at least this many patrols to keep their empire safe.

Mittelschnauzer-class Attack Frigate

Name: Mittelschnauzer-class Attack Frigate
Clasification: Long-Range Fast Attack & Patrol Space Combat Vessel, Frigate
Dimensions:

• Length: 428,40cm (prow length: 321,55cm)
• Height: 120,25cm (prow height: 54,00cm)
• Width: 160,00cm (prow width: 44,20-68,15cm)

Armor: 50-4,00 cm Durachrome composite
Standard Mass: 855,725 metric tons (prior to mass-lightening)
Crew: 2725 (standard)
Propulsion: Impulse Engine Nacelles x 3 (can be ejected for emergencies)
Powerplant: Warp Core (w/ 3 rows of antimatter/vacuum reactors)
Interstellar Travel: Warp Drive
Sensors: 2 x Sensor Domes (armored domes containing various hypersensors), primary hypertelescopes x 4, backup sensors
Defense Systems: Force Shield, structural integrity fields
Weapons:

• 50cm Grav Lances x 6 (front-mounted, can be angled to target to any direction to 60 degrees)
• 30cm PASER Cannons x 16 (8 on each side, 130 degree firing angle)
• 288cm Torpedo Tubes x 2 (mounted on the front)
• 40cm 13-tube HVM Pods x 2 (located on the supports connecting the dorsal nacelles)
• 9cm Interceptor Batteries x 6 (6-tube small missile systems)
• 2.2cm PASER Point Defenses x 36 (each fit on a flexible ball mount)

Hangar:

• 5 x Shuttles (capable of carrying maximum 500 people or 1000 cubic meters of cargo)
• 4 x KSR-271 Spitzer Fighters
• 1000 cubic meters worth of mines (stored in parts and put together in automatic assembly prior deployment)
• Escape Pods

This relatively small class of warship forms the backbone of the Mortean peace defense fleet. Nearly half of its space is taken up by propulsion systems to ensure both speed and long range. Its armaments include slightly scaled down Grav Lances, PASER Cannons and Torpedo Launchers. It also mounts high-velocity missile pods that use their sheer momentum to defeat lighter warships or intercept fighters/missiles from afar. Aside from that it also has the standard interceptor battery and PASER point-defenses to give it full protection. In spite of its size the Mittelschnauzer has respectable firepower and combat utility, military slang dubbing them as "pocket battleships".

Sennenhund-class Cruiser

Name: Sennenhund-class Cruiser
Clasification: Intermediate Class Space Combat Vessel, Cruiser
Dimensions:

• Length: 400,00cm (prow length: 321,00cm)
• Height: 80,00cm
• Width: 80,00cm

Armor: 2,00-8,00 cm Durachrome composite
Standard Mass: 1,200,000 metric tons (prior to mass-lightening)
Crew: 2000 (standard)
Propulsion: Impulse Engine
Powerplant: Warp Core (w/ four rows of antimatter/vacuum reactors)
Interstellar Travel: Warp Drive
Sensors: 2 x Primary Sensor Domes, 4 x Secondary Sensor Domes
Defense Systems: Force Shield, structural integrity fields
Weapons:

• 50cm Grav Lances x 6 (front-mounted, fire arc: 60 degrees)
• 50cm PASER Cannons x 6 (Front-mounted at the port&starboard protrusions, fire arc: 50 degrees)
• 30cm PASER Cannons x 24 (12 on each side, 130 degree firing angle)
• 375cm Torpedo Tubes x 2 (mounted on the sides)
• 12cm Interceptor Batteries x 4 (5-tube small missile systems)
• 3.3cm PASER Point Defenses x 20 (each fit on a flexible ball mount)

Hangar:

• 10 x Shuttles (capable of carrying maximum 500 people or 1000 cubic meters of cargo)
• 12 x KSR-271 Spitzer Fighters
• 2000 cubic meters worth of mines (stored in parts and put together in automatic assembly prior deployment)
• Escape Pods

Former mainline warship of the Morte Empire, created in great quantities in the past. It was geared for maximal combat utility within its relatively small size. Compared to the current frigates it has superior firepower, armor, defenses, cargo capacity, hangar capacity, much better survivability and a simple thus easy to maintain structure. Yet because of their inferior speed Cruisers fell out of favor in the recent peacetime and most of them got mothballed. Thousands of decommissioned cruisers orbit Morte shipyards, ready to be reactivated whenever the need arises.

Schwertjager-class Rapid Destroyer

Name: Schwertjager-class Rapid Destroyer
Clasification: Fast Attack Light Space Combat Vessel, Destroyer
Dimensions:

• Length: 185,50cm (prow length: 91,45cm)
• Height: 110,00cm (prow height: 30,00cm)
• Width: 25,00-38,10cm (narrowest-widest)

Armor: 20-1,00 cm Durachrome composite
Standard Mass: 69,500 metric tons (prior to mass-lightening)
Crew: 258 (standard)
Propulsion: Impulse Engines x 2, Antimatter Thursters x 2
Powerplant: Compact Warp Core (with a single antimatter/vacuum reactor)
Interstellar Travel: Warp Drive, Warp Link, Warp Sustainers
Sensors: 2 x Sensor Domes (armored domes containing various hypersensors), primary hypertelescope, backup sensors
Defense Systems: Force Shield, structural integrity fields
Weapons:

• 25cm Compact Grav Lances x 4 (front-mounted, 60 degrees coverage)
• 8cm PASER Cannons x 4 (mounted in flexible ball-mounts)
• 2.2cm PASER Point Defenses x 6 (each fit on a flexible ball mount)
• 122cm Torpedo Tubes x 2 (mounted on the edges of the front)
• 9cm Interceptor Batteries x 2 (8-tube small missile system in the ventral area)

Hangar:

• Escape Capsules x 8 (can hold 50 people at maximum)

Fast and firepower packed small starship that commonly accompanies warships in combat. Being less than 100,000 tons in mass the Schwerenjager is considered escort instead of warship thus not subject to the limitations of the law. Designed with speed in mind the Schwerenjager is built around twin antimatter impulse engines almost too big for the rest. It also packs the newest compact grav lances to pose threat to enemy warships. Yet even with these the Schwerenjager would be too slow to keep up with the Frigates. To remedy that the ship has no less than two methods to shorten its interstellar travel. First, like many other escorts it can dock with a Warp Carrier which extends its stronger warp field to them for faster travel. Alternatively 3 Schwerenjager Destroyers can dock with each other to combine their own warp fields for a similar effect. For this latter reason Schwerenjagers almost always operate in groups of 3.

Sturmjager-class Missile Destroyer

Name: Sturmjager-class Rapid Destroyer
Clasification:Light Space Combat Vessel, Destroyer
Dimensions:

• Length: 210,00cm (prow length: 130,40cm)
• Height: 70,25cm
• Width: 50,00cm

Armor: 10-1,20 cm Durachrome composite
Standard Mass: 55,800 metric tons (prior to mass-lightening)
Crew: 327 (standard)
Propulsion: Impulse Engines x 2, Antimatter Thursters
Powerplant: Compact Warp Core (with a single antimatter/vacuum reactor), auxilary compact M/A reactor
Interstellar Travel: Warp Drive, Warp Sustainers
Sensors: 2 x Sensor Domes (armored domes containing various hypersensors), primary hypertelescope, backup sensors
Defense Systems: Force Shield, structural integrity fields
Weapons:

• 40cm HVM Pods x 4 (13-tube missile systems, 52 tubes total)
• 122cm Torpedo Tubes x 12
• 9cm Interceptor Batteries x 2 (8-tube small missile system)
• 8cm PASER Cannons x 8 (in flexible ball-mounts)
• 2.2cm PASER Point Defenses x 6 (fit on a flexible ball mount)

Hangar:

• Escape Capsules x 8 (can hold 50 people at maximum)

Escort ship focusing almost entirely on firepower. It mounts frightening arsenal of torpedoes and missiles that almost belies its size. Unfortunately this comes at the cost of maneuverability and endurance in battle. Even if it had more maneuvering thrusters, the use of 52 mini warp catapults for HVMs and 12 small scale torpedo tubes drain all power the vessel has and even portion of the reserves. As such the Morte fleet only uses them in limited numbers and rather it enjoys popularity with local defense units where abundant supplies make the Sturmjager's massive firepower makes it an effective force multiplier. The module at the front is the Sturmjager's command bridge which can also detach in emergency and act as a non warp-capable spaceship. Sturmjagers traditionally operate in groups of 4.

The Morte Empire also installed a network of space bases and warp jammer relays to prevent intruders to trespass their borders. While powerful enough to take on a few ships, these are still insufficient to prevent an actual fleet assault. The warp jammers also occasionally fail to sabotage the enemy's FTL methods and they penetrate deep into Morte territory. As such vigilance and constant fleet patrols are still a necessity. Aside from the borders the 3 planets, the 12 colony clusters and key industrial chokepoints are also outfit with various space defenses. Thanks to their concentrated nature these are slightly better at repelling attackers albeit without the fleet's assistance they still won't hold up against prolonged siege.

I haven't filled out my history part yet for the reason I said before.
I'll do that when my inspiration returns.
It was a gloriously detailed history which I doubt I can easily reproduce.

[null123]

Right, well, I think I have a concept that might work, but I need to run these bits by first before I spend time compiling my thoughts.

Some critical parts of the culture in mind are beings that are more or less bosses. They aren't mobile ones and go by the name of "Queen" (for lack of a better name) that act as intelligence and control centers for entire armies of the species that can defend themselves, but not move on their own.

Secondly, the culture also relies upon "Juggernaught" ships - massive aircraft each consisting of one of the beforementioned "Queen". Capabilities include deploying large forces to attack a world, and when the world's defences are sufficiently weak, sending a series of terraformation pods to convert the world to an optimal atmosphere for the race in mind. Honestly, the entire structure is a hierarchy; losing a critical member sends forces into disarray.

The race will be largely biological without heavy technological advances (think the Zerg when you consider this bit) but large amounts of easily bred ground troops. I will probably integrate magic into the race quite a bit to fit the roleplay.

Finally, for better reference as to what I am truly inspired by (and considering I don't think anyoen here would actually know what the universe was if I posted it in its iconic bright red letters) see this link for the wiki page on what the inspired game is and this link for the game's lore on the species I have in mind, which I intend to fully develop into a nation if I get this far.

@ArenaSnow

My main concern with this idea is that the links sound like they are one of those consume/eat everything races. While a hivemind is still find, as I have seen hiveminds that don't want consume/eat everything. If you can modify them such as the to alleviate my concern, I am complete fine with the idea.

@Willy Vereb Looks fine so far, may request that you change your ship amount when I decide upon an actual upper limit.

[Willy Vereb]

@Willy Vereb Looks fine so far, may request that you change your ship amount when I decide upon an actual upper limit.

@duck55223

With 30+ planets I doubt the upper limit would be realistically anywhere below the multi-thousand range.
Spaceships might be big, require lots of advanced technology and other concerns but we play nations that control multiple star sytems and can strip mine them at will. And then we can talk about the BS productions Replicators can give.

Anyways, 70% of my ships are needed to patrol my homeworlds. So effectively I can only ever mobilize hundreds of ships at the time.
I can give you my world that I don't try to play arms race with other people or attempt to dominate them because "haha, my fleet is bigger".
I will strive for balance and sensible RPing as always.
My nation might be rather militarized but it's still just a minor civ compared to the big players here. And I'll keep that in mind.
It also worths considering that I use mostly frigates while other nations will likely mount full battleship fleets.
Even if I have more ships that won't mean I'll be ore powerful. Often it could be the opposite.

[ArenaSnow]

<Snipped quote by ArenaSnow>

My main concern with this idea is that the links sound like they are one of those consume/eat everything races. While a hivemind is still find, as I have seen hiveminds that don't want consume/eat everything. If you can modify them such as the to alleviate my concern, I am complete fine with the idea.

@Willy Vereb Looks fine so far, may request that you change your ship amount when I decide upon an actual upper limit.

@duck55223

That's the main concern to me; I intend to make it so that they already have what they want production and sustainability wise, for the most part, and only have territorial wars or border skirmishes (unless someone decides to do all out war).

[null123]

<Snipped quote by duck55223>

That's the main concern to me; I intend to make it so that they already have what they want production and sustainability wise, for the most part, and only have territorial wars or border skirmishes (unless someone decides to do all out war).

@ArenaSnow

That is fine then, although it makes me wonder how they will interact with other nations.

[ArenaSnow]

Part of the problem I had while thinking of this which I need to work out. However, of the two other concepts I have that would fit the scale of this roleplay, one isn't really unique enough (and I borrowed too many of its elements for use in other roleplays) and the other I want to preserve to make as a lore base. So, i will have to see what I can do with it. I might drop it if I end up having it not make sense.

I was thinking that intereaction would come from the top leadership structure; the one (made up just now) a little higher than Queens.

[Vahir]

@duck55223

Could you review my NS?

[null123]

@Vahir I like to see a slight expansion of culture and history before I give it my stamp of approval.

[Vanguardian]

@Vanguardian Denied. Your app does not meet the quality standards I would say fits a advanced roleplay. The app needs heavy revision if you still are interested in joining.

@duck55223

Hmm ok, Im fine with that, maybe give me some Ideas of what I need to revise. Constructive Criticism would be nice, considering I put a considerable amount of time into thinking about and making my app.

[null123]

<Snipped quote by duck55223>

Hmm ok, Im fine with that, maybe give me some Ideas of what I need to revise. Constructive Criticism would be nice, considering I put a considerable amount of time into thinking about and making my app.

@Vanguardian

The grammar and spelling of the app needs to be fix, as well as the general organization of the paragraphs. The Cthulhu idea is also not serious and needs to be axed entirely.

[Willy Vereb]

<Snipped quote by Vanguardian>

The grammar and spelling of the app needs to be fix, as well as the general organization of the paragraphs. The Cthulhu idea is also not serious and needs to be axed entirely.

@duck55223

It might be played as a satire but such religions are actually quite plausible.
Far future civilizations may rediscover the Flying Spaghetti Monster and adopt it as their chief religion. Or well, look at the number of cults and new religions founded in the 20th century.
Just because it may look a complete sham it doesn't mean there couldn't be a large group of people practicing this religion.

On the other hand he should expand on or fix some details and indeed, grammar is something which is an obvious issue here.
Since English is my second language I can understand it well but I'm not sure what would a native speaker see in his app.
I have a feeling though that some of these language problems will be pretty much reoccurring during the RP.
So you probably need to weight this in with the decision.

EDIT: On a different note, can I post my NS on the characters page?
The essentials for judging my app are already there.
The background or history part is the only thing left and I'll add that whenever I get the time and inspiration I had yesterday.

[null123]

It has to be accepted before it can go into the dump.

[Willy Vereb]

It has to be accepted before it can go into the dump.

@duck55223

Yes, that's why I asked if you accept it.
Granted, I'll likely add my profile only when I also have the time to finish Morte's history.
I'm just mourning my loss.
Several paragraphs of dynamic history detailing nearly 2 millennia. All lost.
I doubt I can write the same thing again. :(

[Vanguardian]

<Snipped quote by Vanguardian>

The grammar and spelling of the app needs to be fix, as well as the general organization of the paragraphs. The Cthulhu idea is also not serious and needs to be axed entirely.

@duck55223

Oh ok, is that all, I thought it was something actually history wise. That should be easy.