[IC] Super Zeros and Stupor Villians: A Comedic Superhero RP!

[SuperTacticalDerp]

To call it a normal Sunday afternoon was as close to the truth as you'd get in Slant City. Midtown was crazy with tourists shopping and eating at nice restaurants, the inner city was calm as people went on with their own business, and the bay was calm as no ships were coming to port until late. Another boring day in Slant City. Or was it?

Well on Stewart and Thirteenth Street, shit was going down. The corner was home to a T.V Hut electronic store, a small local chain growing in the shadows. Inside, along with frightened customers and a grocery cart full of electric parts and wiring was a man in a big orange and white suit that looked like something out of Alien. The man in the suit had just tased the store's only cashier, a pimple faced teen barely scrapping two dimes together.

"Oh you primitive weirdos," the man in the space suit insulted, "if you've got a wallet or a purse, throw it in the damn cart. I don't have time to coodle every single one of you, so we are going to work through the honor system here! Give me your cash, I don't zap you close to death! Your move cavemen!"

The civilians all looked at each other in confusion, noticing the use of "primitive" and "cavemen". One, sexist, since there were obviously woman there. Two, who the fuck was this guy.

"Uhh, sir," a man wearing a Micky Mouse t-shirt asked as he raised his hand as if he were in school, "who the hell are you?"

The suited man looked at him, pointed his taser at the man and unleashed a hard light construct of pure energy the wrapped itself around the hostage and electrified him instantly.

"I'm the Supreme Lord of The Future, bitch."

[Urbanliner]

To some tourists in Slant City, the city was no more than a place to buy stuff and eat nice foods then maybe go bowling or something. However, some of the tourists have heard of a clown with seemingly unlimited supply of ego, claiming that he is "The Evil Emperor"...

In a certain building not too far from a subway station, Alex had just ordered his minions to kill anyone but other mooks or The Evil Emperor himself, with the mooks shooting at civilians and tourists alike watching him and blocked any paths they can use to run away... Yet, no one bothered to run away or even die from being shot, simply laughing at the guy with a gas mask instead. "Gah, kill them all, Burners!" He shouted, which only made the situation worse.

[Haru Nyan]

It was Sunday in Slant City, the perfect time to laze around, loaf in your room all day and generally just not be worried about a single thing that's happening in the world right now. Well, other than the upcoming test that Mrs. Johnson will be handing out tomorrow, but aside from that? Totally chill. And what better way to spend the day other than wasting away watching anime? See, it even rhymes! Valerie practically locked herself inside her own room as she watched episode after episode of the latest trending show, the theme song even getting stuck in her head and she couldn't help but sing along whenever it comes on in her laptop.

Just now she was in the middle of watching the final episode of the season, the all knowing kami-sama knows just how much the girl had to scour the Internet in order to find a decent quality version of it, with subtitles! But before she rejoice in her festivities her cell phone began to play a loud J-Pop tune that made Valerie groan, disappointed that her anime will have to wait. She picked up her phone to see that the one who was calling her was Jenny, her all-time BFF! Ever since 4th Grade too! The girl cleared her throat in order to sound like the soft-spoken and demure girl she always projected at school in order to convince Jenny. "Yes? What is it?" She asked.

Jenny shrieked in joy followed by a quick conjunction of words that Valerie could not understand at all...Something about a sale? Her friend had practically begged her to come along and spend the rest of her weekend shopping with her. The girl wanted to decline, her anime was waiting for her RIGHT THERE, but she didn't want to make Jenny feel bad...What would she think of Valerie then? What would happen to their friendship then? The teen sighed in disbelief and vowed to herself that she'll just watch it once she gets back. After a quick change of clothes, she went out of her house in order to meet with her friend.

"Do you think I look good in this? Her friend asked, trying on a pink frilly shirt that just screamed 'Cutesy'. Truth be told, Jenny wore it amazingly! It really fit her image. Valerie just nodded in agreement and as the two left the boutique they were passing by a diner that caught Valerie's eye. In the diner was a man in a big and orange metallic suit that looked like he just came out of a space museum for kids. To her utter shock, he just tased the store's only cashier!! Jenny stopped on her tracks to watch the same thing as her friend was and the two girls just shrieked in terror as the big lug just electrocuted another person! If there was any time to stop him it would be now. Luckily, Valerie has packed all of her equipment, call it paranoia but she was definitely ready for a test run with her homemade gadgets! Excusing herself from her friend and ducking to a nearby alley, she quickly took out all of her stuff and began to hastily wear her costume, stuffing her casual clothes in her bag. One thing stuck in her mind though; It's broad daylight, she can't let anyone see her face! Having no choice, Valerie took out one of her paper walls and cut out enough of it so that her face would be covered, leaving only her eyes and her hair open to the public. Ready to take on her first villain and make her grand debut, Valerie rushed to the entrance of the diner, using her ninja reflexes to stay concealed...And then...

In a puff of smoke she appeared! Partially coughing from the gradual amount of it all. She took out one of her shurikens and threw it at the big man hoping to get his attention. "Ne! Who do you think you are, you baka?!" The citizens around her just stared at her in wide-eyed disbelief, thinking this must all be some sort of freak show.

[Oni_]

It was a good day in Slant City for Rucks, he had nowhere to be and no one to interrupt him. In fact, he'd just had a lovely time strolling trough the cities parks, buying groceries and all that other Sunday stuff. Currently he was in a cab on the way back to his apartment, it was in a fairly decent place in the city. Just down from a nice diner where some commotion was going on, nothing particularly unusual for Slant City, it was filled with these wannabe heroes and villains, including Rucks.

As he slid his key into the lock of his apartment he froze. He heard... a rattling? "Son of a..." he muttered under his breath, he'd made a mistake earlier when sketching, he drew a skeleton in a pile of bones. He'd hoped that it would be fine because of two reasons, firstly, he closed his sketchbook. Secondly it was part of the landscape. But from the sounds of it, he was wrong. He tentatively opened his door, and there it was, a skeleton. As it heard the door open it froze in it's tracks, turned it's head to meet Ruck's eyes. It looked like it was... dancing? Or was it having a skeletal seizure? Rucks wasn't quite sure.

"Stop, just stay there," Rucks said, holding out a hand, reaching into his pocket and bringing out a lighter, he made his way towards the skeletal beast. Until is ran away. Skeletons, as it is well know, are not mythical beasts. And thus, Rucks could unfortunately not control them. But all was not lost, it ran towards an open window! It didn't take long for Rucks to catch up to it and throw it out onto the street. Maybe it would have some fun, particularly at that Diner. Supposing it survived the 30 story fall of course.

[SuperTacticalDerp]

Archie was beyond confused as a home-made shuriken bounced off the side of his helmet, knocking him over into a rack of used cellphones and bacon. The girl who had thrown said weapon looked completely insane, beyond the 21st Century weirdness he had just gotten accustomed too. She looked like someone ate raw sushi and ramen for a week and puked Japan all over the place!

"Who the hell are you, why the hell are you here, and what the fuck is a 'baka'?," Archie demanded as he regained his balance and got back up to his feet. The thought of outright tasing this little girl grew in his mind, but hurting minors was still kind of a no-no at this stage. Decides, the voltage-to-amps ratio on his weapon would probably kill her. Instead, he simply prepared himself for the girl to throw another weird thing at him, knowing that his suit practically made him invincible!

[Urbanliner]

"You idiots! You're not supposed to stay standing after you're attacked!" Alex shouted as decided to scold the people which kept laughing even after being shot many times and caused his minions to run away, yet they kept laughing with no signs of ending. "I'll find someone who understands my power!" He shouted again as he got outside and looked around while roaming in the city, trying to find another building to assault.

Suddenly, a gratuitous puff of smoke got into his sight, not too far from him to reach. "Let's take a brief look because The Evil Emperor does not forget to notice any anomaly!" He shouted as he sprinted towards the ball of smoke which dissolved shortly before he arrived, hearing an awkward usage of a certain language which he can't remember somehow.

[DreadPirate]

Charlie was whistling his classic Good, Bad, & Ugly tune as he waltzed down the streets. Earbuds in, and tipping his hat to all the passerby's giving him the usual look. His over-sized button down awkwardly flowed in the wind and his spurs clicked occasionally with the pavement. Suddenly he was passed by a rather large man with a bald head. "That's an awful fancy get up you have there partner." he shouted at Charlie laughing as he disappeared back into the crowd. However Charlie heard none of this because the ultimate cowboy showdown playlist was new and improved, and Charlie hadn't stopped listening since he updated it.

Suddenly a cloud of smoke burst behind him, Charlie immediately tucked his earbuds in his shirt and ran towards the action. His whistling getting ever more intense, he readied his finger guns and bust in the door. Coughing he crushed away the smoke and then shouted.

"Hold it right there y'all I am here to help!"

[Haru Nyan]

Valerie was shocked that her little toys actually sent the big tin man falling down and knocked him down an unusual rack of cellphones and...bacon? The girl just swears that whoever thought that this joint was a good idea needs to be burned in Jigoku. As the man slowly stood up and regained his balance, the ninja-girl prepared to throw a barrage of her shurikens, not even caring about the fact that they may run out. As he cursed and cussed, Valerie could just swear that those angry veins that appears on the head of anime characters was appearing on her own, this man...this man is clearly a...

"Baka gaijin! If only you were as kashikoi like me, then we could settle this tatakai like bunmei hito!!" The girl said, puffing her-concealed-cheeks in anger as she threw a barrage of her throwing stars at the man, hoping to end this baka gaijin, right here, right now! If only kamisama could see her right now, he would bestow upon her the strength of not ten, but TEN THOUSAND ninjas to silence this tawagoto no sakuhin!! Behind her, the doors of the hybrid diner-electronic shop flew open and she saw quite possibly a complete anti-thesis of what she stands for...

Claiming he was here to help, Valerie immediately slapped her palm on her face out of disbelief...The guy who appeared was basically a walking cowboy stereotype manifested into one being. She sighed and turned to him, "Are you yujin or teki?" She said while taking out her kunai, preparing herself should the cowboy be a threat to her keikaku.

[Meridian]

Fiona was glad she always kept her 'suit' in her bag. Her scooter was parked outside the electronics diner, and she'd come in for a nice meal of pixel pie. She hated eating at home, and enjoyed the fact that here it was a man who served her and not her sexist mom. She was enjoying that fact so much, rather than her meal, that she almost missed the absolute WOMAN HATING sentence that the would-be robber had made upon his entrance to the diner. By the time she'd realized, there had to be three more people all trying to stop the man. But it angered her that they were missing the real crime here- who cared if he was trying to steal some stupid diner's stupid cash? He'd referred to everyone present as cavemen, when she and about half the other diners were women! What a blow to the ideals of social justice! And the crazy Japanese girl, too! Fiona didn't know what 'baka' was, but it had the letter B, which 'boy' also had, and that meant that the word had to be something that further promoted the male patriarchy. How dare she?!

Quickly putting on her shirt, she quickly took her Pamphlets of Knowledge out of her bag. People looked at the sign on her shirt in surprise and mild disgust, although the disgust just turned to confusion when she proudly proclaimed herself as the FemiNazi. Ah, now the sign made sense. "Your shirt's in bad taste!" One man shouted at her, and she quickly threw a pamphlet at his arm, giving him a long paper cut. "You will not tell me what to wear just because you have male genitalia!" She hollered, before looking at the original robber. "And you! How dare you refer to me as a caveman when I am obviously a woman! You need to respect the female gender!" And with that she threw some pamphlets at him, overlooking the fact that they couldn't penetrate his suit. Unfortunately, her baseball bat was outside with her scooter.

The situation only got worse as the Japanese girl said some more sexist words Fiona didn't know, and a cowboy walked in! Fiona scowled. Cowboys were sexist. All of them. "I don't need your help just because you're a man! I'm strong enough by myself!" She sneered, throwing a pamphlet at his cheek, where a paper cut would really hurt. For good measure, she threw one at the sexist Japanese girl as well.

[SuperTacticalDerp]

Archie just stood there, completely and utterly baffled by what the hell was happening. The little ninja girl was now throwing more home-made tools at him, luckily with no effect now that he knew what was coming. Then, a cowboy randomly showed up with a weird guy with a trench coat and a gas mask. And then another girl from the both behind him began to throw some pamphlets at him! These people were fucking insane! Archie leaned over and grabbed one of the many pamphlets, noticing a very feminist fine off them immediately.

"Wow this is still an issue?," the man in the Orange Timejumper suit asked, "hold off on the craziness kid because you'll have your time in like, fifty years I think." He turned to the ninja girl, firing his taser over her head as a warning shot. "And you! Stop throwing shit and fucking speak English. You sound like an animated schoolgirl with a tentacle in her mouth." He then turned to the cowboy. "And what the ever-living fuck is your deal. Are you actually going to try and shoot me?"

[DreadPirate]

"I have not an idea of what any of them words means darlin? Are you okay should we go get your..." He stopped just short of parents when he saw the girl had a blade in her hand. " On second thought miss ninja let's all just..."

Suddenly he heard an angry woman shout at him and a pamphlet hit his face. That paper cut really hurt. Charlie might've even scarred, whatever that Nazi woman was packing she meant some business. But she just seem disgruntled by everything so was she really to blame? He held his face in pain and held in a yell. As he bent over his hat fell off to the ground and his scraggly hair was revealed. He wiped his brow quickly and raised two finger guns in the direction of the bossy man and what appeared to be an escaped convict. He looked at the man shouting and said.

"Tell me punk do you feel lucky?" as he fired off a laser in the direction of the Nazi woman without looking. Hopefully it hit. He gave the man a piecing stare and kept one finger trained on him.

[Haru Nyan]

The next thing you know, the entire electronics-diner was in chaos! Abruptly came a woman who could really (And we stress the word REALLY) take fashion advice from Jenny...Or a cactus. Seriously, a rock could look better in that shirt and it would amaze everyone else! The real question here is...Why is she throwing pamphlet and WHY do they hurt like Jigoku?! Seriously, what are those things made of? Luckily, only one managed to hit Valerie and the rest she pretty much dodged easily, all thanks to her NINJA REFLEXES! Just to see what the woman was ranting on about, she grabbed one of the pamphlets with caution and took a gander as to what their contents were, much to Valerie's dismay...

She only grumbled and groaned as the piece was nothing but misandry in every sentence...She shook her head and turned to the lady, actually speaking proper English this time...Somewhat. "Jeez lady, I've heard of radical feminism but this is kureijī!" With a scoff, she giggled like the anime schoolgirl she is and said, "Why don't you go back to tumblr, you baka!" pointing her blade at the wacky woman and still giggling until a streak of lightning flew above her head, making her instinctively duck to avoid getting in the line of fire. For a while there, Valerie had lost track of what she was actually doing...The moment the tin man said that...that...disgusting comment about her, the girl shrieked out or repulsiveness. "T-T...Tentacles?! You creep! You hentai! You pervert!!" she said, still continuing her barrage of blades, oblivious to the fact that they aren't going to do anything at all and the fact that she's already run out of them to throw...

Realizing a miscalculations in her-otherwise-perfect keikaku, Valerie gave a defeated sigh as she had no other choice but to side with the aho gaijin of a cowboy. "L-Look...I'm on your side here! I've run out of shurikens and I'm pretty sure Half-Life Three over there is bulletproof..." she looked to ground before mustering up all her courage to look pleadingly in the eyes of the cowboy in an attempt to settle their cultural differences aside. "Please? If you do, I'll be your tomo-" She coughed as she swore she was trying so hard not to puke out her forced Nihongo, "I mean friend! I'll take out Ms.Andry while you deal with Phony Stark!"

[Edgey]

It was by pure chance that Halitosiman found himself a witness to the great scene that was the battle in the local T.V. Hut, a location that was as inscrutable a choice for a battleground as it was inscrutable for existing at all. But it was entirely seemly that Halitosiman would be there to leap into battle; such was his destiny. A great hero would surely not stumble upon such events for no reason. His friends claims that he was no true hero, or worse, that he had been deliberately avoiding doing real hero work, would be quashed on this day, as it was time for Halitosiman to leap into action!

"Never fear, Halitosiman is here!" Guy Foster announced his presence to the store.

"Oh god, not more of these freaks." Someone was voicing their clear displeasure at his arrival.

"Hey, I'm no freak. I just have a weird power that came from unknown origins. Let me demonstrate!" Halitosiman then unleashed his mighty power upon the T.V. Hut, letting loose a great rush of foul air that would sweep the entire store. Those caught unprepared would find themselves floored by the strength of his attack....but probably not all that hurt. But they would soon feel the mild nuisance that is the great stench permeated by Halitosiman's justice-filled attack! Even the people that may or may not be on the side of justice, which occurred to Halitosiman at he belched. This was probably just going to be really annoying....

[SuperTacticalDerp]

"WHAT THE FUCK!," Archie yelped in panic as literal energy beams shot out of the cosplay cowboy's fingers, leaving a heavy smoke and vapor trial in the air of the electronic dinner. The weird train just kept on chug, chug, chugging! First it was little girl ninjas, then weird gas mask man, then cowboy, then whatever the hell the feminist chick was. For a should be easy robbery, things were getting hairy quick.

And then "Halitosiman" showed up. Unluckily for Archie, the Timejumper suit did not have an air filter to remove outside scents and got a full blast of whatever that guy was packing. "Oh what in Zombie Jesus' unholy name is that!? Smells like a public shitting contest in here!" He raised his stun gun above Halitosiman's head and fired, short-circuiting the lights above him and rained sparks down on the idiot. "DO that again and I'll make sure not to miss. Seriously, ever heard of brushing your teeth or bathing. Fucking savages, damnit!"

[Oni_]

Rucks checked his watch, surely the drama down at the T.V Hut had died down by now? As stupid an idea it was, they actually served really good food and Rucks hated having to cook on weekends. Ah screw it, they probably had left, and it wasn't like it was miles away. Besides, if it was empty and he could get a meal, then he would have enough energy to steal something of decent value, maybe a painting. Or something else cool like that. The best part, the heroes would be too tired out to stop him! Not once during the formation of this plan did it occur to Rucks that there were probably more heroes in the city than the ones who would have stopped the incident at T.V Hut, but that wasn't important.

The horror! The T.V Hut was a battleground! There had to be at least three dastardly heroes there. Let's see, there was Clint Eastwood, A Ninja (?) and... huh... he couldn't tell if the feminist was supposed to be a hero or not, or one guy who just unleashed some bad breathe. Some super rad suited guy though MUST be a villain. He was too cool not to be.

But here was the issue. Rucks came here to eat, it was close to his apartment and served nice enough food to warrant it being one of his favorite haunts. He couldn't eat because of the current fracas. And so he whipped out his small notepad, maybe he could scare them away with... wait, no that line needs to be wider... with... rub that bit out... with A REALLY SMALL DRAGON. "Go dragon! Plunge fear into their hearts!" He exclaimed as it sprung to life and flew away, coughing up a tiny flame which did nothing but tickle. That wasn't the only flaw. It couldn't open the door by itself. Rucks was rather ashamed.

[Three Five]

Ah, Sunday. It was the day for lazing about on the couch and falling asleep while watching sweet sweet infomercials and home shopping networks. Max didn't know why, but he was oddly intrigued by them. Today he had the option of buying a sapphire ring (with real gold band for only $999.99!), some slimming women's clothing (in five great colors, including NEW CAMEL!), or a fire engine red Keurig machine. He settled on watching the Keurig ads, though he did find himself guiltily checking over his shoulder to ensure Mr. Coffee was not watching him indulge. Mr. Coffee was so jealous of Keurigs. Thankfully, his coffee-maker friend was in the kitchen, inspecting the newly-washed dishes for hard water spots.

The host of the home shopping show was just about to showcase the range of coffee flavors available for the fire engine machine when Maxim felt his eyes get heavy. This always happened. Right before he could get into the meat of this educational program, his brain decided to go into sleep mode. Ah well, at least it saved his wallet from regurgitating his hard-earned cash.

Just as Max faded into a dream, he was thrust back into consciousness by a sudden outcry. Startled, he glanced around the room. It did not seem to be anyone here. Mr. Coffee was still distracted in the kitchen, Toasty was reciting a poem, the pens were having an argument about superior ink colors, and Epson was happily churning out Chekhov's "Uncle Vanya." Max had just let his eyelids droop again when the outcry came again, louder this time and longer. Soon the cry of one turned into the cry of many, peaking into single crescendo of a thousand screams of utmost terror and confusion. No, it did not come from here. It was further away, Max decided, and launched up from the couch.

"I'll be right back, Mr. Coffee," he yelled over his shoulder as he grabbed his backpack from its hook and ran out the door to investigate.

"Wait, where are you going?" Mr. Coffee yelled back, but his inquiry fell upon deaf ears and Max was soon out of earshot. "Pffft, stupid human."

Max could hear that he was close after having run down the streets like a madman and almost getting hit by three different cab drivers. The other five that drove by were familiar with Max's crazed antics and knew enough to steer clear. His ears did not fail him on this day, as they directed him to the friendly neighborhood T.V. Hut on Stewart and 13th. Ah, glorious T.V Hut. Max knew it well. And unfortunately, all the clerks in the shop knew him well. He tried not to think about the last time he was in the shop and almost got arrested because he took a crying VCR out of their dumpster. How is it stealing if you are throwing it away? Come on now, technology has feelings, too.

Smoke was now pouring out of the shop and something that smelled incredibly foul was seeping from its doors. A man stood nearby looking quizzically at a notebook, and what almost looked like a very small dragon burst into flames overhead. Talk about a strange day. Max could not tell what was going on inside the shop, but it sounded like a brawl. Breakfast foods and electronics were flying this way and that, and several people seemed to be inside. Heck, he could have sworn he saw a cowboy, too. Not wanting to get involved, he almost kept walking down the street but then the voice of a sweet innocent new Bic pen -- with erasable ink even! -- cried out a woeful sob that touched his heart. They were hurting innocents, and he had to do something!

With a burst of heroism, he shoved the front glass doors open and bounded inside. "Never fear my darlings, OFFICE MAX IS HERE!"

[DreadPirate]

"Where are all of y'all coming from?!" Charlie shouted in a very confused manner. The diner seemed to be packed with freaks of ever kind, he just tried to focus on the man who appeared to be the enemy. Quickly he turned and trained two finger guns on him, blowing off the one that just fired.

"Okay Miss Ninja but if I smell one bad omen from you I won't hesitate to..." He got lost in thought this girl was really young? Or was she just small. 'Concentrate!' his sub-conscious shouted and snapped him out of it.

"Just don't get rowdy with me darlin'." He said and turned both eyes back to where his fingers were aiming.

"Now everybody please just cool your jets for one moment!" He shouted trying to maintain order. However as he looked away his thumb relaxed and jolted a laser out of his index finger in the direction of the future-looking man he was trying to detain.

"Sweet Jesus and crumpets!" He shouted holding his hand surprised at his own carelessness and inability to keep his powers under control. He blew off his finger and looked up in horror to see where the laser ended up.

[Haru Nyan]

T.V Hut was getting packed quick, Valerie could swear that the people who were expecting a nice and quiet meal were starting to regret ever coming to the establishment. She knows she would've if this is what would happen. First there was the future-robot-freak, then there was the Baka Gaijin who had recently become her tomodachi, a man claiming he was "Office Max" which was just super lame, and then there was Hallitosisman...Who spoke for himself. When the previously mentioned Bad Breath Guy unleashed a belch of disgustingly gross proportions, making Valerie glad she wore a mask...But that only worked for like half of the effect, she could still smell the horrid odor coming from the poor excuse of a hero. The girl made a small mental note: Next thing to invent would be a gas mask.

Breathing in heavily and breathing out with such gusto just so she can talk. When the cowboy agreed to help her, a smile rose from her face, which wasn't exactly visible, but the outline a big grin could most definitely be seen. "Baka! You should be the one who shouldn't go all hentai on a lady!" she said with a stomp of her foot. Her blade in hand she began to point directly at the FemiNazi...Literally.

"Look lady, I'm all for equality and all but you're hijōshikina! And I won't tameraimasu to hurt you!"