Steven Universe: The Gem Wars (Interest Check)

[Blizz]

@TheLoneBanetteazurite

[TheLoneBanette]

@Blizz I just want to say that I know you because of my sister and that you need to up your grammar up in the IC (I don't care about OOC) because from what she told me it's not casual level and this RP is officially going to be in the casual section rather than free. If you think you can do that it's cool and I'll reserve Azurite for you now but if not I might not accept.

[TheLoneBanette]

@urukhai Goldstone is not taken. Which colour of Goldstone do you have in mind? And sure! PM me. I don't bite...Too often.

[TheLoneBanette]

@RhineQueen It's cool! c: Tell me once they're done okay?

[RhineQueen]

@TheLoneBanette There we go. Gimme a shout if anything else is out of place.

[TheLoneBanette]

@RhineQueen Alright! Checking it now...

[Blizz]

Name:Azurite

Nickname:Azure

Origin:kindergarten

Age:1 earth year

Gender:male

Alliance:neutral at start

Appearance:Azurite wears an indigo linen kimono, his hair short and blue, his eyes are the color of the midnight sky, his gemstone is shaped like a 4-sided diamond and is located on his forehead.Azurites kimono had a pattern of stars on it.

Writing example:I'll save it to the end

Fatal flaw:Azurite has memory of something horrible that happened to his friend, he never speaks of this to anyone, this is a flaw because azurite is always heavily thinking about the event, relentlessly blaming himself for it.

Saving grace:Azurites saving grace is tied to his flaw, his memory of the incident has made him vengeful, causing him to have belief in fighting a battle half way lost

Dance:azurite uses the blades of his weapons to spin on his x-axis and leap towards his fusion partner

Weapon:
Azurite wields two katars, daggers-like claws with a guard attached to the handle, the blades are a foot long and colored with a metallic white

Powers
Sand manpulation
Invisibility

Other:
Azurite is very active at nighttime.
He has a scar shaped like a diamond on his arm, for reasons unknown.
Because his friend his dead, hearing himself being called "Azure" sparks his emotions

Writing example
Azurite walked through the desolate forest with his human friend beside him, jack was a peaceful person like azurite, he and jack were very good friends.azurite had to claws he could summon, while jack simply had an old shovel

"Is something wrong azure?"

"what makes you think that jack?"

Azurite liked the nickname that jack had given him, in fact, jack was the only one azurite had given permission to call him that.

"You seem quieter than usual, In fact you seem regularly obnoxious compared to rig-"
Jack was cut off by the sound of otherworldly screeches coming from behind them, he and azurite turned around and saw dozens, if not hundreds of emerald colored arachnids coming their way

"this is bad!"

Jack held the shovel out in front of him like a quarter-staff, prepared to attack the oncoming emeraldreads

"Yeah, but not as bad as us!"

Azurites gem glowed radiantly, he crossed his arms in an X pattern I've his forehead. His hands became two shining masses of light as they shaped into his foot long claws, he than ran like a rocket toward the mass of geologic arachnids as the edges of his claws scraped the mossy dirt beneath their feet, he lunged foot first at one of them, shattering its skull before spinning around and swinging at a second, followed by a stab to the third and finally, a bifurcating swing to a fourth.

Azurite then wondered where jack was, he leaped into a tree and scanned the area, on,y to find jack being torn apart by the beasts, in a frenzy azurite jumped and swung mindlessly at the spiders, tearing one by one into ribbons, but he was far to late, jack was dead.

[TheLoneBanette]

@RhineQueen Blue Topaz is accepted. You can give her another power or two if you'd like by the way.

[RhineQueen]

@TheLoneBanette Sweetcakes! I'll see if something comes to mind.

[TheLoneBanette]

@Blizz
A few things that need to be fixed up:

1) Grammar. It's not terrible but it could use some work.

2) Some sort of limitation on the powers are needed in order to not make them too OP

3) This can only be a flaw if this impedes his ability to be aware of his present situation and I think that it's really improbably for it to have his mind on it 24/7 when his own life is endangered or something else drastic is happening. I mean if it's happened recently sure but eeeeeeeeh I don't know how to feel about this.

4) It'd be nice to know more about who this Jack guy is, other than he's his friend. Maybe how he befriended a human. Things you should add to the history probably. I know I said you don't need to include it if your gem is young enough but I meant so young that nothing really important happened and clearly something important happened to Azurite.

5) The first sentences of your writing example are already telling instead of showing and we don't get much of an idea of his personality other than he's not a coward and that he was (I'm guessing this changed) a much more talkative. Everything else is told to us rather than shown. Don't get me wrong it's a nice snipet for history but still.

Other than this everything looks good.

[urukhai]

@TheLoneBanette is a deep matte gold with lighter flecks of gold (like normal Goldstone) for the gem, and a deep matte brownish red, with the flecks for the body alright?

[TheLoneBanette]

@urukhai Well there's no real normal goldstone especially since it's a mad-made gem (actually a glass) but yeah those colors are fine.

[Blizz]

@TheLoneBanette

The flaw isn't on his mind literally 24/7 but....... About 80.78% of the time, he was at a point a happy soul but now! not so much

My internet grammar is normally that way but I do remember these things, I'll get to it.

Jack isn't necessarily important, I don't intend on mentioning him IC if that's what your getting at but yeah I can explain that one a bit, I didn't actually think about detailing him •_•

By "showing and telling"you mean what exactly?

[ManoftheNorth]

Name: Moonstone

Origin: Homeworld

Age: 2020

Gender: Male

Alliance: Homeworld

Appearance: Moonstone is tall, slender, but has a chiseled physique. (No real pun intended.) His hair is a matte black color, with a faded, antique gold highlight, starlight blue highlights, and vibrant blue highlights. These Highlights layer together in this exact order, producing a shimmering-esque color effect to his hair, which is several inches long and combed back across his head neatly. His skin is a misty-pale blue set on a white base, softly etched with slightly darker grey-ish blues toning the edges of his figure. As well as a Faded-Antique gold lightly misted to produce a "blush" effect on his cheeks. His eyes are stark white, with a vibrant Blue iris, speckled across the entire eye with a vibrant Gold flake.

Attire: Coming soon! *Fireworks.*

Writing example:

O`,..,`O

WIP

Fatal Flaw: Moonstone's Fatal flaw is rather simple to understand, this Gem, this one entity, can lose itself. Moonstone has an anger, a built in reflex, behind his calm, blunt honesty, is a brutal loss of control. However this only occurs when someone close, or himself, is in dire danger, though it can be substituted with Anger. If he grows too angry, and enters a true rage, this takes over. His primal instinct to eliminate threats, remove obstacles, and clear the path will engage and accomplish whatever stands before it.

Saving Grace: Moonstone is a Blunt and Honest Gem, he is analytical and composed, with a very grounded sense of being. He can observe a situation, conversation, or particular instance and break it down more easily than others. This allows him great comprehension and understanding, which works well for his calm nature and simple personality. It allows him to see past many rouses, and lies, with it being a natural talent of his since the beginning of his cycle.

History: WIP

Dance Style: Macabre, or Rain Dance. (This depends on his Mood, and whether he has entered his "Primal State.")

Weapon: Moon's Glimmer Rapier

Powers: Primal State, Moon-Bound Body, Night's Fade(Explanations coming soon! *Fireworks.*)

[ChristaEinheart]

@TheLoneBanette

I will get to this AS SOON AS I CAN. but I have LOT on my plate right now.

[KiltmanBagz]

You take all the time you need, been having trouble getting balas just the way I want her anyhow lol

[TheLoneBanette]

I've been busy with schoolwork (got a teacher who's known for giving more homework in grade 8 than most get through-out their entire highschool years) but I'll try to get Dinosaur Gembone and the OOC done very soon. Until then I'll be looking over all the other apps.

[TheLoneBanette]

@Blizz

-My point as to why it shouldn't be a flaw is that it's not going to be challenging him when it really matters because his mind will be off the matter.

-Please do fix the grammar

- Jack should be really important if he has such an impact on who Azurite is now and you should definitely flesh him out. Simply having him exist for tragedy is cheap and frankly lazy writing. At the very least if you're not going to detail Jack at least detail how he's impacted Azurite other than just he's sad now because of it. If Jack ultimately boils down to a reason for Azurite to be sad/gloomy/angsty/whatever then you should really think of another reason because befriending someone and losing someone is going to have a much bigger impact on a character than just that and there are many other ways for one to become sad/gloomy/angsty/whatever. Plus now that I think about it a name like Jack doesn't seem like a name someone would have 5000 years ago so maybe look up archaic names?

-By show don't tell I mean this. Compare:
[These aren't my examples by the way]

"Mr. Bobweave was a fat, ungrateful old man."

and

"Mr. Bobweave heaved himself out of the chair. As his feet spread under his apple-like frame and his arthritic knees popped and cracked in objection, he pounded the floor with his cane while cursing that dreadful girl who was late again with his coffee."

In the first example we're just told that he's a fat and ungrateful old man. In the other we're shown that he's fat amd old and ungrateful through descriptions and actions. In Azurite's writing example, you told us that he's peaceful and that he's good friends with Jack and other things but we're not actually shown this.

@ManoftheNorth What's been done so far looks good except for one thing; the fatal flaw and saving grace should be one trait each. You can keep what's written but maybe highlight the one trait that has the most influence?

@urukhai Don't worry I'll get to your CS soon.

[Blizz]

@TheLoneBanetteAzurite isn't a 5000 year old gem, he is a 1 year old gem.

[TheLoneBanette]

@Blizz Maybe I didn't word that well. I mean Jack shouldn't have a name like Jack because the gem wars took place 5000 years ago /from the current events/ of Steven Universe which seem to be more or less the present and I'm saying that in the times of the RP 'Jack' probably wouldn't be a name used. Not saying he or Jack (obviously) are 5000 years old I get that they're not. A character can be 1 year old but that doesn't change that this story itself is taking place 5000 years ago and that if we were to make reference to it in modern SU times it would be 5000 years after and therefore 5001 years old even if they're only 1 now. Makes sense?