[IC] Journey to the East

[snelss0]

It seemed her husband just wanted her to explore his body without heightened emotions. She had no problem doing that if it was what he wanted of her. She supposed it was a message of teaching her how to react to him in compromise, in oneness. She wasn't to dull her emotions as one would do with hatred or a cold neglect, but instead it seemed like he just wanted her to not batter him with explosive emotions. He was content when she was, but he suffered when she felt.

Elann was the type to feel his touch, think about how it made her feel, ask herself why she felt that way, then remembered the previous times he had touched her that way and what they meant. It all could lead to a very overwhelming sensation, particularly when it came to loving him. He had that torturous gleam in his eye as he ran his hand over her and touched her in places that would have sent her going crazy, especially due to her longing and missing his touch. It was in a way a very cruel torment to her, but she loved him and knew it was what she had to do to come to a compromise and be one with him. Her emotions had battered him down and never let him draw close to her like Alena or the other people in his life. It felt almost wrong to lessen the depths of her emotions for him, but it was what she had to do to give him some peace.

She took in a breath, enjoyed his touch, but didn't overly compound the pleasure. Tingles and enjoyment still went through her body and it was pleasurable still, but it was hard. He touched her Cheva mark and her eyes closed as her instinct was to think of her wedding day and countless other things, but instead she didn't, reopened her eyes, and stared into his, awaiting what he had next for her.

[Illumin0sity]

Despite his experimentation, his pushing, she didn’t break and it was commendable because he expected her to by this point of his curious and physical examination of her body. It was as she thought, he wanted to see and feel him without words, and she was doing so, he hoped. He didn’t know how well the lesson would be cemented within Elann given there was no objective clearly given to her before he started. The only instruction he had given her was to be slow and calm. He wasn’t seeking to torment her and force her into what she felt was wrong, but the object was to teach and to strengthen the bond shared between them on an emotional level, disregarding the spiritual cord between their hearts.

Elann closed her eyes to him as he went over her Cheva mark. He met them when they reopened. With her hand over his torso, he pressed against it and pecked her on the lips once more. It was a signal of the end as he withdrew his hand from her, placing it on the hand she had on him. He clutched the back of hers in his hand, moving it to rest in the tiny space between them. As he set their hands down the emotion in his bond began to waver and fade, taking back to its usual self of quiet buzzing, the ache of his body becoming more apparent. In the lasting moments of his test of her, he hid himself away from her again because of the ache returning to him consciously as well.

Noah’s heart lessened in its thud and his eyes weren’t as perceptive as they had grown to be in the creeping moment. About himself, he learned what on her physically attracted him to her and it was all the things that reminded him of Zeltiva. He supposed they were always there, always plain to see, he simply hadn’t made the connection yet until this night. Now the connection had been made, and now he could accurately show how he desired her as opposed to how she desired him, in the way she wanted him to desire her too.

The bass-filled feelings gave way to clear skies in his heart and he took a final breath to recollect himself a final time. Words alone couldn’t say how he was impacted by her willingness to see him, but it was a great amount. So great, in fact, he hoped it would remain. Knowing how the world was and how Elann could be, all could change again in the next day or the next week, and so he waited. His patience played into his unforgiving nature because once he saw the patterns of a creature, a creature like Elann, he only waited until they made the same mistake again. Elann had fallen into those patterns and now he was waiting for her to slip up. He wouldn’t pounce, capitalizing on her misstep, he would quietly reside in his hurt and disappointment.

Noah looked at their hands, letting his eyes fall from Elann’s to view the last of the physical touch between them. He waited for her to speak, thinking she would because he wasn’t. The moment was over, his feelings had fallen and been hid away per his choice. He trusted she would love him in his way and wouldn’t press him to love her in the way she wanted him to. His love couldn’t be shaped because it wasn’t hers, it was his. Noah sought for her to respect that.

[snelss0]

It was a grand sacrifice, what he asked her to do. Often times she would just meditate in prayer to compound all her thoughts on one subject into a grand emotion to better understand it. Now she was fighting hard to think contrary for his sake and it felt like she was missing out on something grand.

He pulled back from her after a brief kiss and she didn't understand what it meant. It was as though he was telling her good job? Her hand was returned to her and the ache then came back to her. Because it was gradual, she was able to take it without showing much of a sign of pain. It showed a little bit on his face what he was thinking about, as just having spent time with him, she knew he was relieved.

Elann took in a deep breath as he looked at their hands, curbing the emotional response of love in her heart that would have normally soared to great heights. Instead, there was a little warmth in her heart at it, but she didn't speak. Instead she closed her eyes and pressed his hands to her heart before leaving them closed. She angled her head toward him and his lips, presenting him with the opportunity to kiss her if he wished, but if not, and he slipped from her, she would roll toward him and go to sleep.

It would take a special nudge from him now to get her to speak, and before long, he may come to realize how much he missed the bubbly, joyous Elann. Sure she was happy, sure she had love, but if she couldn't overflow in them, a key aspect of who she was would be dead for a time.

[Illumin0sity]

---

What Noah sought was to be for the moment, for his weakness of the now, and to show her how he would love her. Intentionally, he wasn’t asking her to forsake what she was, her bubbliness, her happiness, just to know that it was overwhelming to him at times. He had no idea if it was being miscommunicated, but based on how Elann didn’t seek to speak in his creeping silence in every way, he had no way of knowing what she was thinking inside her head. He felt her love and felt her presence through the bond and it was enough to keep him from pulling away from her. He was content with the moment and far too drained to gently request anything else.

Noah took her in to sleep and fell asleep quickly once they were settled. In his mental fatigue, the Kelvic was swept away into a deep sleep plagued by dreams he wasn’t used to having. He dreamt of flying, dreamt of the clouds and the clear skies that were overtaken by the greatness of his god. Flying, below him was a vast open meadow. In the high grass were two figures, shadows he couldn't’ discern from above. He came down, gliding to come to the ground. He shifted but his bright cloud of magic didn’t appear. His feet hit ground and he took steps towards the blobs of shadows and as he stepped his legs were tangled in in the grasses and he was rooted.

The shadows began to form into figures but before they formed Noah felt an intense yearning towards the both of them. He could see clearly but was blind to the identities of the shadows until the figures began to take shape. There was an immense amount of familiarity with both figures and as one formed into a man and the other into that of a short woman, he began to understand. The one to his left was Elann and the one to his right was Caesarion. The man had been on his mind for the past few days following the latest argument between Noah and Elann, thus it made partial sense for the man to be there but the Kelvic was still thrown into confusion.

As he stood, rooted and immobile, the skies that were dotted with clouds were taken over by an immediate overcast, the greys darkening to the point of near blackness and only lightning striking in the distance lit the area around and above. The ground was overtaken by the shadow of the clouds, any celestial body of stars or the moon was totally oppressed and the shadows were becoming harder still to see. Their bodies were solid but the forms remained the same. Magically, the bodies rippled with tendrils of darkened energy that floated up to dissipate into the air.

Nude, it was the first time Noah felt as if he was vulnerable in his nakedness. The winds that swept over the plain didn’t make the grass bend but instead bit into his bare skin. He was the only one affected by the winds he often called friend and there was fear in him because of it. The mouths of the shadows opened as his ears failed him. The rushing winds became nothing but sensations felt on his skin and the shadows spoke words he couldn’t hear. He couldn’t even read the darkened lips. Both of them spoke in a way that denoted they were saying the same thing.

Deafened and unable to move, the Kelvic looked up at the blackened clouds and saw the lightning rivet through the disdaining bodies above. The thunder rumbled so heavily he felt the ground shake beneath his feet and his bones rattle in his chest. Looking down, he found the shadows again and they both looked at him ominously. They had finished talking and now they stared as the sky battered itself with lightning and thunder. When it ceased, the rumbling stopped, they turned and walked from him. The winds surged behind him and cut into his back. Rushing, the winds swept away the shadows. Lightning struck where they once stood, dangerously close to him, and he was ripped from his dream.

Snapping awake, the Kelvic rolled onto his back abruptly, arching it in discomfort as he pressed against his wound. Noah’s hand came over his chest, his heart being felt as it thudded against the bone inside and his chest, the chest which heaved as the lungs inside gasped for breath. The film of sweat that was on him cooled as his body was exposed to the open air and he was gripped by a chill that made his teeth chatter. His eyes, darting to regain his whereabouts, calmed as he noted the light outside the tent, the birds chirping somberly to share their sorrow with those who lost their family members in last night’s raid.

The abrupt pain in his back made him audibly whince and seeth between clenched teeth, and it was a while before he delicately came back down to lie flat.

[snelss0]

Elann had woke up before the sun had risen. The sounds of birds were her alarm call as well as the cook banging a pan clean. She always slept light and often could fall asleep in a moment's notice, but she woke feeling rested enough that she didn't particularly feel like she had gotten less sleep. Despite the banging, the shifting in bed, and her pulling the blanket aside, Noah hadn't even stirred. Both of them were very exhausted last night; her from a long day, and him from having his very being put into his storm gem. On top of that, he already had been weak. Noah had taken no medicine that night and yet he had remained tired enough to sleep through all her movement.

As she looked back at him, compassion filled her heart and she covered him with the blanket, letting the man sleep. He needed his rest anyways, and his exercise done previously would do him good. Even Emery seemed to agree, but it left him in such pain. After rising and sliding her ivory lace dress over her head, she went about getting ready for the day.

She helped the cook make breakfast for those few who were up early and showed him some things on how her people made breakfast (even though he didn't bother to make it) and spoke with him until the sun began to come up. It had been lingering in the sky for a while before Elann felt the buzz come from her bond. She had come back into the tent and was sat on the bed, weaving a rug.

Noah's sudden alertness and pain caused her to stop what she was doing and press a hand to her forehead to relieve the intense feelings he was going through. Eventually she equalized, something Noah had not shown he knew how to do well with her own intense emotions, and she set down her work to comfort him.

"Are you okay? I'm here, shh," she voiced in a calming voice as she crawled over to where he had laid back down. It was clear he was in pain and she lovingly first placed a hand on his forehead to feel him and then coursed her hand through his hair.

She didn't want to overwhelm him with worry, but it was slightly there within her. Concern for him was not abnormal to feel in her since he had been injured, and she tried hard not to expound on that feeling now as he winced. Having seen Alena and Aimee calm him this way, she sat next to him and caressed him.

[Illumin0sity]

Waking up was just as bad as sleeping it felt. He had reached out for Elann but she wasn’t there. On his back, settling, he remembered the darkness of his previous nightmare and how only Caesarion was there. The acts done in the dream were supposed to bring him joy, pleasure, and fulfillment but Caesarion wasn’t his bondmate, wasn’t his love any longer, and thus the entire dream, Noah’s entire subconscious, felt like the steepest betrayal of Elann’s kindly given trust. It was a betrayal done unto himself as well because he couldn’t fathom giving himself pleasurably to anyone else.

The days since the last nightmare were filled with reconsideration and meditation in order to affirm that his loyalty to Elann didn’t waver. Sadly though, he realized the last time he had given himself in utter pleasure to another was to Caesarion. Noah came to know his heart was still grasped by the man whom had abandoned the Kelvic. Being taken by the other man was always a pleasurable experience, Noah’s passions always flowed and his emotions had been as rolling and as immense as Elann’s were. The feelings weren’t utterly foreign to him, he realized.

Noah recognized he unintentionally lied to Elann and it compounded atop already depressing feelings of deepseated guilt. Now he could comprehend his intensely adverse reactions to Elann pressing sexual passion on him: his passion was still possessed by another. Subconsciously he didn’t want to face the truth, the truth of knowing Elann wanted what Caesarion got so easily from him. It wasn’t to say he innately thought Caesarion attractive either. It was the man’s personality which drew Noah to him, the same as Elann, but their sex caused the creation of their bond. The bond was birthed in burning passions toiling with the deep emotions of attachment, love, and more. From the start, their bond had been hotly forged and cooled to rival steel’s strength.

Elann’s voice came as she appeared out of the corner of his sight. Noah’s hand went to clutch the fabric of her dress as she shushed him, petting over him to calm his quickly paced heart. Her usual concern and worry trickled instead of flooded, making it harder to cling to the genuineness of her overall woe for his wellbeing. He felt her beneath the dress, knew she was real, but she was holding back the surging feelings he had grown accustomed to feeling, even if they did shock his system momentarily.

Noah’s bond answered her question, twanging as a pang of longing came over it. He grasped her dress all the more and pulled, forsaking fabric, much like she yanked on their bond from time to time.

“Are you upset with me?” he spat immediately after he tugged at her.

It was perhaps an entirely baseless question given what was on Elann’s mind or what she made of it, but it was asked with the desperation for an answer. In his mind he saw Elann walking away in her shadowy form, watching her say words he couldn’t hear, and she was standing beside the bondmate who had abandoned him. He was out of the nightmare but until reality was cemented with her answer, her touch, breath, and words, he was mightily terrified.

His bond was open and it was gripped in his guilt. Their bond had not been forged in the fires of passion, it had been strung in a downpour of somberness. Forlornly it was crafted by the both of them, him promising to save her from the sadness of being disowned. It was his vow to her and in the bond several more promises, oaths, and vows were given. In his mind he had broken many of them with his dreams and inactions.

[snelss0]

Elann had never understood since she found out that he felt nothing in the way of attraction or passion for her. To her, love had the makings of loving every aspect of the person you were in love with as much as possible. She had just since assumed it was something to do with his nature as a Kelvic, but upon seeing and hearing Aimee's relations she didn't understand. Elann wasn't going to poke the bear that was biting her in the moment, and that was that she had failed to understand her husband and he in turn had become very hard against her. It was her fault, and that said, she was doing what she could to change, to see if it would change something in him- to heal their relationship. It didn't mean she didn't hurt inside from time to time because of it though.

He tugged at her in desparation and immediately it was evident that her soothing there wasn't good enough. He wanted more and even "tugged" on their bond in the only way he knew how. She quickly came to him, becoming so close she could not physically come any closer to him and shushed him again. She nearly lay completely on him and it was good there were cushions and her frame was so light or else she would have compounded his pain.

His question came, desperate and filled with guilt and perhaps fear. She couldn't tell it was all so sudden and only in the times he opened his bond to her could she feel how he felt. Noah had asked her to feel less intensely, shown her through his actions that she irritated him to a point when mollycoddling him or not understanding him, and seemed to prefer the intimacy of others over her. All of that she could deal with having seen her own father abandon her mother- or near to it- and she didn't consider herself in a cage even still and deeply she loved him, but his random inquiry confused her.

"Upset? No. Shhh, I'm not upset with you. Did you have a night terror?"

She pet his hair and came up above him to look down at him with comfort in her bond and love in her eyes. Still, she had not compounded the emotion to the heights she normally would have, but he could feel her willingness to comfort him and still adhere to the lesson he brought to her last night.

[Illumin0sity]

The confusion was apparent in Elann’s voice. The question was random and asked without any build up. He had just woken up and was overwhelming himself with his own emotions. Noah answered Elann’s question with a hesitant nod. The petting in his hair made him recognize she was real and present and there for him. She was enough to calm him and the calm that overtook him was far faster than the calms Alena or Aimee managed to bring. It was strong, brought on by the love in her eyes and the worry in their bond.

Calming, his eyes looked around her and into the room, his head turning to help in the action. The daylight was outside and the birds weren’t chattering in their early morning voices. He figured it was approaching the tenth or eleventh bell, but he couldn’t be sure until he was outside. He looked back to Elann, meeting her gaze and releasing his hold on her dress. His eyes went to the place where he had grabbed ahold of her and he saw the wrinkled and bunched up fabric.

“I’m sorry,” he said, “I didn’t mean to pull you like that. I was scared.”

He swallowed dryly, looking up at her still. “I love you,” he told her, the words said aloud so that he could hear them with her.

[snelss0]

Noah definitely had the grip of an eagle. Her dress's fabric was pulled nearly to the breaking point. If it hadn't been for the quality fabric and her trained stitching, he would have ripped into it with the strength of his grip.

When he apologized, she shook her head, showing she take offense.

"It's okay. I don't care about that. Just relax...everything is fine."

She then smiled at his endearment to her. Her hands together smoothed down his hair and cupped his head in a loving way as she looked to him.

"I love you too."

Elann then lowered her lips to his to give him a loving peck on his lips, but a soft one to not overwhelm him.

"Just lay with me a little and calm..."

Her voice was soft and nurturing, much as she would do for when the babies would cry. The sentiment was the same whether it was a baby, someone who just had a loved one die, or her husband waking from a night terror. She didn't know what affect the fear would have on him and so she used her divine power to ensure he was further soothed in the mind.

After a little while she would sit up to lean over him by putting her weight on her arms.

"Did you want to tell me about it?"

[Illumin0sity]

Even in Noah’s thinness when they met for the first time, before any training and before any weight had been added by Elann’s food, he had already been a strong individual, surprisingly so. It was to be expected of a predator who had to secure a kill quickly before its prey got away or a struggle didn’t draw too much attention from another predator of the terrestrial kind.

Elann’s request for him to lay and calm was received and he lied there underneath her as she draped herself over him. What she was doing was what he needed; he needed the gentle shushing and the calming caresses, stilling his quickly pattering heart. His chest finally came under its usual, slow rhythm and his skin cooled all the more from the sweat. Upon waking up he was on fire, having been baked under the fur blanket by his own heat, sweat, and a heart that was throwing itself into his breastplate mercilessly. Now, he was calming, oblivious to Elann’s power being used on him.

The question came and was answered by hesitation at first. Noah wasn’t one to have night terrors, let alone dream enough to remember them. When he did dream though, he almost always knew what he was dreaming of, if it was important enough.

“You,” he answered thirstily. “You and Caesarion. I couldn’t see your faces… my legs were stuck in the grass… the wind hurt me… I couldn’t hear what you were saying… you walked away with him… struck by lightning, you two...”

It was the gist of his dream. As he recounted it, his hand slipped to her above him and grasped at the fabric of her dress again in a hold, much lighter and less forceful than before.

“Water,” he requested, swallowing dryly again.

[snelss0]

Elann lay there upon her husband in a steady bliss as he accepted her. She had often been rejected in small ways from her loving caresses to the point she wasn't sure how he would react with them, but now he wanted her there and it put her at peace. Whatever heat was upon his body was absorbed by the chilled Benshiran on him, and whatever sweat, was wicked away by her dress. She could feel him calming, not through the bond as it was closed to her, but just by feeling his heartbeat and hearing his breath.

Hesitantly he answered her, which was surprising that he even bothered to tell her it and recount the events. She truly felt like his comforter and helper in that moment. With an open ear to him, she listened intently. She did not know the guilt of his passions still but just nodded to him and comforted him as he spoke. Already before he asked for water, she could tell that he was thirsty. His lips were dry and most of his mouth was caked by his hard breathing as he had slept. The dream didn't make sense to her, nor why it was scary to him except that the lightning struck them.

All she could do was wait for him to open up more and get him some water. Water she had, as often upon waking, she herself was thirsty and had a cup of water near the bed. That morning she had drank most of it, but also had prepared a glass of the tea for him, figuring he would wake in pain.

"I have water right here. Shhh...It's fine. I'm here." She grasped his hand that held her fast by her dress and placed it within her own hand. There she kissed the back of his hand on his knuckles and said, "Let me get it for you."

She then slid slowly from him, just upward so her hip was by his head and most of her weight on her knee that was off his body, and she managed to reach the half empty glass. Sliding back down his body to his hips, she stayed sitting up and reached down to the back of his head to help him sit up. Elann, even with her bow training only had a strong grip and decent pulling power, however the rest of her body, her core and her legs were floppy, and she was not able to pull him up at all by her own power. She doubted she could even roll him if he lay there like a dead man. With his help though, she would give him all the rest of the water and would hold him to keep sitting.

"I want you to have some of the tea. You are in a lot of pain okay? Just a little bit?"

With him finally sitting up and her sitting, straddled on his lap, she smiled warmly to him and brushed his hair with her hand before curling him in for a little hug. If he agreed to the tea, she would wait just a little in the embrace to give him comfort before getting it.

"That sounds horrible. We were struck by lightning?"

[Illumin0sity]

Continuously being shushed and soothed, the Kelvic aided her in sitting him up. Sitting, he took the water and downed it in a few gulps. He shook his head at her offerance of tea, shook his head at her telling him he was in pain. He didn’t want even a little bit. Humming is disapproval of her offers, he closed his eyes and leaned into her, placing his head on her shoulder while his arms wrapped about her body tightly. Her words came to denote how horrible his dream sounded, asking for clarification on the lightning bit at the same time.

“No,” he said correcting himself and her, “it looked like you were struck by lightning but the wind swept you away first.” He swallowed and took a breath. “I was flying and then I saw two people on the ground. I couldn’t see who they were until I came down and, as I landed, after I shifted, the grass wrapped around my legs and I couldn’t move. They were two blobbing shadows and then they turned into you and Caesarion, they took on your shape. Then, you two started talking but I couldn’t hear you - I couldn’t hear anything! You two walked away after that. The wind was hurting me and the clouds were so black. The lightning hurt to look at and then the wind came and cut at my back, where I’m hurt now, and then you two were gone. Lightning struck where you two stood and then I woke up.”

It was horroring because Caesarion had essentially walked away from him. In his dream Elann had walked away with Caesarion and it communicated to Noah that she was walking away too, that he would lose her as well. It was terrifying because he already had lost one bondmate whom he thought he would have forever, and the thought of losing another was heart-wrenching. At the thought, at the recollection, he hugged her all the more.

“You can’t leave too,” he urged in a whisper.

[snelss0]

Elann had a hard time with his rejection of the medicine, but listened to him. He was communicating that he didn't want to be dulled anymore, or at least right then in that moment. She nodded to him and told him okay, that it was alright, all the more comforting him with her soothing words.

When he closed his eyes and wrapped tightly about her body, she nuzzled the top side of his head, listening as he spoke. It was hard to hear him at first, but she adjusted in hearing his downward speaking tone. He seemed much more bothered by it than originally thought. Somehow all of this had translated to guilt, and she assumed he found fault in something he had done or perhaps he was feeling guilt toward something else. She didn't know, but she carefully pressed him in the hug, careful of all of his stitches.

"I'm not leaving. That was just a bad dream. It didn't mean anything."

She pet his hair and enjoyed the embrace with him, but not so greatly it would overwhelm him. She was very pleased though with their closeness, even if it was a bad situation. Angling her back, she leaned away from him without pulling from his embrace. There she pressed her hand to his forehead, indicating for him to look up and into her eyes. Once he looked at her deeply enough, she began to send love through their bond in a form of nonverbal communication. It was seen in her eyes, in their bond, and in how she held him.

"See? Here I am."

A small smile spread over her face and she lowered her face to nip at his lips in a half playful way. It was a gentle loving nudge from her to show him she still loved him in a way that she wanted to be there, but also in the playful way that said she still enjoyed him.

[Illumin0sity]

Noah shook his head at her still. He didn’t want his dream discounted as ‘just a bad dream’ or be told that it was meaningless. To him, it meant everything, it meant a great deal. As he loved Caesarion, and still did in his heart somewhere, he loved Elann and to witness them both walk away and to miss their words because of his senses failing him, senses he cherished so dearly, felt as if he was missing something as well. With both of them, he couldn’t hear their words and couldn’t see their true forms. Whatever it meant, the tacit symbols were jarring to him.

Elann’s body being on his was comforting to the Kelvic. Her petting, emotions, and gentle voice, even if they didn’t say the words he wanted to hear, were comforting. He felt her pull away and felt the hand on his hot head. Pressing, he looked up and met her eyes. She reassured him she was there, smiling in his face of despair. His already pained faced deepened in the opposite intended reaction. Having an adverse reaction to her flowing love, playfulness, and nudging, he felt undeserving given his actions in the nightmare preceding this one.

“In my dreams, I betrayed you,” he confessed pitifully. “I was with him after our fight and… and…” The Kelvic’s words failed him as his throat caught. The surge of emotion and the welling in his chest caught him off guard. He swallowed over the lump and took a sputtering breath. “We did things that I’m only supposed to do with you. I didn’t stop myself… it kept going until I woke up.”

He looked at her with his burning eyes, feeling a tear spill over and stroll down his cheek. His chest was tight again and it ached, not only because of the need to fold and cry under his overwhelming sense of guilt, but because his wounds were irritated by the upheaval is lungs were doing against the stitches, expanding, contracting, and shuddering with breaths.

[snelss0]

At first it seemed Noah had been comforted, but as she nipped at his lips, his face pained. Confusion took her as well as a pain in the heart at her inability to rouse him from his pained thoughts. She wondered if she had screwed up again by trying to be painful and felt perhaps she should dial things back a notch. It was then he pitifully showed her why his face had contorted in the opposite reaction. It also explained his guilt.

His case was not completely unfamiliar to her, as she herself had been in dreams where she could not control herself, but the fact Caesarion was involved meant a bit more. It had bugged her before they bonded how he could passionately love the man who had left him and yet could not passionately love her in the same regard, but she knew Noah loved her, and to her, that was enough.

"I understand..." she said soothingly and pet his hair. "Now that you are awake, would you leave me? Would you let me leave? Would you betray our marriage with that man? I don't think so," she said in answer to her own questions. "Betrayal is a willing act of the heart and mind and Yahal forbids it. You may have physically wanted to do what you did in your dream, but your mind was shut closed. You reason and you think when you are awake. When you are asleep you can't stop yourself sometimes. It happens to everyone my moon. You didn't betray me."

She knew that it didn't matter what words she said, he would feel as though he betrayed her because when in dreams, it could feel like you had the option of choice, but now that he was awake, he wouldn't dare do what he had done in his dream.

"Don't cry. It's okay. You need to calm down, you are going to hurt yourself."

She saw his tears as the expression of his deep emotion, an emotion he had scolded her about before. Somewhere inside her, she hoped he realized that when she cried, it wasn't out of trying to get out of something, but because of her deep emotion. Either way, she would comfort him.

[Illumin0sity]

The fact that it was Caesarion in his dream meant leagues more to him than anything else. If it had been another, more random person, he may not have felt as bad but the guilt would’ve resided within him anyway. It wouldn’t have been unsurprising if Elann didn’t understand the gravity felt in Noah’s actions in his dream. Already she didn’t understand the bond in full and couldn’t understand what he felt when he peered at it, how he saw the scar on it from the last time it had broken. The scar was far down the strand because it had grown immensely since being connected with Elann, it had repaired itself, but the scar held parts of Noah that had yet to be rebirthed into the fullness of his bond.

Caesarion was more than Noah’s bondmate and the man once held the same position as Elann, as Noah’s friend and lover. They had not married - and it was doubtful they would’ve ever married or been able to be married - but they were married due to the bond and it was all Noah needed, as Elann knew by now. Noah’s first love still held many parts of him and it was doubtful he waited long enough before giving himself to Elann, opening himself up vulnerably before she did so for him. To Elann’s dismal, Caesarion was the first to make Noah feel passionate in the way that lovemaking brought and it was done without their bond. The bond was created in the passion and was reinforced by it.

Elann pet his hair, asking him questions, of which she answered herself. Then she went into the definition of betrayal, saying Yahal forbid it. Noah didn’t need to be told a god forbid it, he himself forbid it. There were many things that Yahal allowed or forbade that Noah already followed in his own way, thusly not needing another being he had never seen or interacted with to tell him new definitions. Despite that, she reaffirmed he didn’t betray her. Noah tried to see the meaning behind her argument beneath the words he didn’t agree with and found enough of a sliver to keep his head level.

On the inside, it was too murky to recognize reason or understand his crying in comparison to hers. Hers was seemingly brought on whenever they fought, making it appear as if he was the cause. There were two times she cried tears of joy, once when he did something before their marriage and then the day of their marriage. Any other crying had been the effect of a fight and he felt compelled to cease it - it explained why he was concerned over her first bout of tears of joy, they didn’t make sense.

Noah took a sputtering breath and nodded at her requests. Sniffling, he rubbed the wetness from his eyes and cooled down. The dream was over and the aftereffects were fading. Caesarion was no longer in his life and he was with Elann; a dream couldn’t dictate what he would do in real life and shouldn’t have made him feel as if he betrayed Elann, that was what he drew from Elann’s words. Whether that was right or not, he didn’t know.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I’ll stop crying.”

Blinking, he gave his eyes a final wipe to be rid of the tears that welled and only left glistening whites. His chest hurt as did his throat, the knot there immense and stiff. Aside from emotionally, the way crying made him feel physically wasn’t welcome. The way intense emotions made him feel in general weren’t welcome. They always had side effects that felt as if they left his body exhausted and ravaged, crying most of all.

Noah pulled back, parting enough to let his hands find the loose fabric of Elann’s dress. His head looked at his playing fingers, angled downwards as he almost nervously recovered from himself.

[snelss0]

"It's okay my love," she said in response to his crying. Nothing in her words in asking him to stop crying said that he needed to stop that instance. It was like a mother's soothing nudge for him to become strong again, not a dominating force to get him to cut out what he was doing.

She helped him wipe tears that slipped past his face and ultimately let him finish his wiping. He blinked a series of times to stop the emotional response and only now his eyes were red. His hands relaxed about her and she could feel him more lightly play at her dress.

Elann had made him look to her, but now she came in close again to hold him and plant light kisses upon his neck, to nudge at his jaw with her nose and just display a general affection for him. She would then settle there in the crook of his neck and just hold him lightly in a hug.

When he was ready and loosened his grip on her, she would pull apart a little and look down to him.

"Do you want me to get you breakfast before I pack up? I don't want you going all day without food."

Elann knew the feelings he was going through. She had been given nightmares of similar darkness to that and she was the perpetrator in said dreams. It was an evil that scarred the heart, and she herself could not eat all day as she sat in her funk, but that didn't mean Noah was like her. He was likely hungry, and would only increasingly get hungrier.

[Illumin0sity]

The affectionate nudges spoke to Noah more so than her words. The closeness of their faces, feeling her nose on his jaw, and feeling her breath on his skin were all deeply comforting and reminding of the love between them. Her soft kiss on his neck was replied to by a nuzzle of his head against hers, settling himself deeper into the nook of her neck. The light hug was returned by him, his arms coming around from their shared inbetween to hold her frame gingerly. The privacy of the tent was welcome and he was allowed to simmer and show his vulnerabilities without having to run the risk of anyone observing them. It was ironic he was something that liked to observe others but didn’t liked to be observed himself. He was a predator and spent his time watching and waiting; usually being watched meant one was a prey creature - he was not.

They parted and the rift came between them slightly as her words came with a question. He nodded somberly, meeting her gaze. “Please,” he said politely.

Dreams weren’t commonplace for the Kelvic, and when they were remembered they held an impact on him. It was because of their rarity in remembrance that they meant so much to him, she would come to learn. Never before in their relationship had he been rattled in such a way by his dreams, the ones usually to be remembered were the nightmares. The good dreams weren’t impactful because they mostly were synonymous with his regular mood, one of lightness and mellow existence.

[snelss0]

It was far harder for Elann to keep her emotions in check when the two of them melded together as they did, and often she was finding herself slowing down her thoughts of love toward him to keep herself in check. Ultimately it seemed like he was comforted by her as he nudged back into her own neck. There was even a moment where she just sat there and drew in his scent, happy that she could be close to him instead of pushed far away.

Elann was a helper, and if not able to help in some way, she felt lonely when there was an issue. Now such feelings had no place there. She was content, comforted, and her husband was too. The Benshira nodded to his 'please' and drew up her hands to gently caress his cheeks and jaw. There she gave him a soft romantic kiss and then rose from him, careful not to bump his fragile body.

Elann quickly jogged out of the tent, seeking to get him food as quickly as possible so she could hurry back to be with him. Outside, she looked for Aimee and if she saw her, in brief she would ask her how she was that morning and if she slept well, but then would also speak to her about Noah's nightmare, not in any detail or worry, but to just let her know he had one and was being comforted. All of this was while she was grabbing the food for him, but once she had it in sufficient amount, she would part from Aimee and would ask how long they had before they packed up and headed on the road. Shortly after, she would be seen coming butt first into the tent and then spinning about to rid herself of the flap.

In her hands were two plates of food. It looked like someone had caught fish for breakfast and there was some dried bear jerky there for him as well as a large chunk of bread on each plate. He would not go hungry that day and it was her way of setting at least his stomach at ease.

Elann set down before him and looked to see emotionally how he was doing, concern coming through their bond in small amount indicating what she was wondering.

[Illumin0sity]

Elann left Noah after kissing him. He returned the soft kiss, turning his head to follow her all the way out until she was gone. The Kelvic’s mind still quietly thought on the dream, thought on Elann’s response to him, and sought to find comfort in how they interacted when she was attempting to comfort him. There was a new hollow in his chest since crying and he brought his hand over it to feel the heart beating within. Looking carefully, despite his muscles having grown, one could see the flesh of his left pectoral bulge minutely. He did so now, letting it remind him he was living in the present again.

Outside, Aimee was lingering alone near the bank of wagons. She was pacing idly with her head angled to the sky, watching the clouds of the newly cleared morning heavens. She was still feeling the aftereffects her intense bout of casting from the night before brought, and her willpower had yet to fully recover and give her the clarity of mind she yearned to feel again. The pressures of the night had shaken her because she hadn’t been in another situation like that where humans were the encroachers and assaulters of her being. She treated the situation like she would treat a wild encounter, fighting or running for her life.

Aimee greeted Elann calmly when she approached, holding her arms steadfast over her chest in both a hug for comfort and protection. She ensured the Benshira she was okay and had slept relatively well. She didn’t tell Elann of the emptiness she was feeling inside and the lack of concentration in her mind, but let her know she was feeling okay and just okay. Afterwards the Kelvic told the Benshira they would be leaving in another bell’s time, having inquired herself because she was beyond antsy to be on the road. There wasn’t much of a comment on her brother’s wellbeing. She figured if Elann was calm in her recounting of the events her brother was fine as well. If not, she would be able to discern for herself once they were en route to Zeltiva again.

Back inside the tent, Noah had turned to really face the door and draped his crossed-legged legs in the fur blanket. He sat up with his eyes wandering about the decorations inside the tent. His eyes settled on the lantern posted on the centerpost of the tent and he remembered the events that occurred last night in full. Next, his eyes went to the tent’s entrance as Elann came in, the smell of food wafting towards him as Elann approached him with their plates.

Noah waited for her to settle and give him his plate before eating, and he was quiet. He was still suspended in the air of recovery and his mind was turned in on itself. It wasn’t to ignore Elann but to sort out the many things which affected him: the raid, the moment between them last night, the dream, his sister’s magic, wanting to be in Zeltiva, and much more. For once his eating was particularly tame as if his movements were weighed down by his thoughts themselves. He hadn’t looked up from his plate since Elann set it before him but he was enjoying her nearness despite not showing it.