[IC] Journey to the East

[Illumin0sity]

Aimee perked a brow at Elann’s suggestion, partly wondering why she offered it up. “There’s not that much time left,” Aimee said. “Besides, I don’t even know if he’d leave you for that long, especially after the bandit attack, whether anything will happen or not. Anyway, that’s like asking us to leave one of our other family members; we’d never. A little more ‘boredom’ won’t hurt. We’ve been on the road so long already.”

Aimee couldn’t speak perfectly for her brother but she knew herself and felt she knew the Kelvic bond well enough. She had also observed her brother and knew how his protectiveness of those close to him, regardless of his own feelings. She spoke with confidence when saying she didn’t think Noah would leave Elann for what she thought was a long amount of time.

“If he says he wants to go, then we’ll go,” she said in the end, shrugging.

[snelss0]

Aimee's insight was goo to hear. She figured that Noah would want to stay by her side, but given how he was already feeling, she knew he would likely take offense.

"Ah, it's okay. I like having you guys here. If you don't mind, just stick around. You can see how my rug is going to progress onward. Ooo exciting yes?"

She giggled a little and raced ahead, giving a look backward almost in tempting play to her sister to follow. Elann was not fast by any means. Unbeknownst to her new family though, she could likely walk in this nice weather for days before getting tired though. She had a great endurance, one that wouldn't quit, but you never really ran in the desert except when you were a child.

In a way, it was an invitation to have fun, and upon the likely gaining of Aimee, Elann would start a grass throwing war with her if at all possible; something the children at the orphanage would do.

[Illumin0sity]

“Ah, yes, how very riveting,” Aimee said in teasing sarcasm.

Elann raced ahead, giving Aimee a side-eye the Kelvic didn’t initially respond to. She was enjoying the little walk and wasn’t bored with it just yet, but it seemed Elann was attempting to be jovial in her actions. Eventually she did chase after Elann, closing the gap with a brisk sprint before the grass was thrown at her. She indulged the Benshira in the game, playing along as if they were children while the actual children ran amok between the caravan cars.

[snelss0]

It wasn't long after the sprinting that Aimee caught her, and as the grass began to fly, the children once again swarmed. Somehow, throwing grass at one another had the ring to it of fun, and what once was just a playful battle between Aimee and Elann, soon turned into an all out war between the children and playful adults. Elann soon after started chasing the children down, scooping a couple under arm, while the rest threw grass at her and Aimee as long as she still wanted to play along.

Elann eventually tired of the games and shoo'ed the kids from her and voiced to Aimee, "I'm going to go work on your rug. Fun times ahead..."

It took her until she got back to the wagon for her to catch her breath, which wasn't long, but longer than it would take Aimee. Before entering, and as she approached, she looked for her husband, hoping he was not in a negative attitude.

[Illumin0sity]

By the time the fun ended Aimee’s hair was riddled with blades of grass, much to her own annoyance. She didn’t show it though, pulling out of the war when Elann did in order to comb through her hair somehow. Elann excused herself, to which Aimee waved a silent goodbye, crossing over to the other side of the wagons in order to avoid the still-grass-throwing children. All the while, she was combing through her hair, picking out blades of grass when she could see them or feel them, foreign against her strands.

Inside the tent, Noah was in the place as before, the bed, turned on his side with the curliness of his hair peeking out since the rest of his being was hidden underneath the covers. The entire time Elann was outside his portion of the bond had been deathly quiet, telling of him either being sleep or relatively unfeeling. The former was true up until Elann came inside, causing him to stir away but not reveal himself entirely. He used the bond to tell it was Elann in the tent and not Aimee, all without peeking.

He wiped his face under the blanket and shifted onto his stomach, clutching the pillow beneath his head and closing his eyes again. The need to sleep was nonexistent but the want was prevalently yearning to be fulfilled again. Though his eyes were closed, he laid awake, unable to fall asleep right away after being woken up by Elann’s returning presence.

[snelss0]

A good brushing of her hair was in order, as like Aimee, she had grass all in her locks. Coming into the wagon after seeing her husband asleep, she tried to be silent, however from his bond she could tell she was not silent enough. She wanted to display to her husband that she still loved him, she was just not happy with how he had treated her. Lowering herself to her knees, she pulled back the blanket to reveal his head. In their bond there was tension coming from her, but there was also the residual happiness. She leaned down to kiss his temple or hair, whatever was nearest and then would replace the blanket, stand, and carefully move to the back to get her brush.

[Illumin0sity]

Noah shifted minutely and uneasily as the Elann’s footsteps grew louder on the floor as she approached the bed where he lay. The blanket was bid away after she stopped, the tension in her bond felt and reflected with murmuring sadness on his part. The minorly low feeling was temporarily washed away when he felt her lips on his temple. The kiss was brief and fleeting, and what was once alleviated returned to remain over him as he felt her get up and move away from him again, the blanket replaced over his head before she did move.

He untucked a hand from under the pillow and brought it through his hair, of which was being bushy and unkempt more and more since they were travelling. The Kelvic had been rather unpracticed in his own grooming, something he was never lax in until his most recent injury and the past few arguments with Elann. The last time he had bathed was with Elann’s help in getting him to the river, and though it had been offered for her to shave him, it didn’t happen.

Noah brought down the blanket from his head and peeked at Elann from the floor, watching her retrieve her brush. He noticed the green blades of grass in her hair, obvious amongst the darkened reddish tinge the strands had. His gaze was soft on her in consideration mixed with other emotions not completely discernable by him, each one quietly residing with the others in his gut and along the bond.

[snelss0]

It seemed that Noah was sad in minor part. She ignored it as she kissed, not letting his emotions influence hers. He seemed more content as she did, but then it returned as she flitted away. Still, she paid it little mind and proceeded to move to the edge of the wagon with her brush and began at first to shake her hair.

Streams of grass flew into the breeze that was nipping at the back end of the wagon. She wanted to tell her husband that Zulrav was likely calling him with his winds to come and play, but then again his words of telling her that she shouldn't speak about what she didn't know came back to her mind.

Taking in a deep breath, she began to brush through her hair and remove all the small blades that got stuck in the brush. It was a long process and in the end, left her hair blade free and with a beautiful shine to it. The darkened hair seemed almost reddish in the sun and resembled what her hair looked like when it was wet in its shade of brown.

Eventually she cleaned out her brush and let loose into the grass the ball of hair, only to stand and move to the front of the wagon to replace the brush. There she grabbed her work and began to work on Aimee's rug in silence. Her hands moved rapidly and didn't seem to miss a turn. They were repetitive for the most part, but every once in a while when a pattern would change, so would her hands, folding the knots in a different way. Despite her many hours on the rug, it was hardly past the first few strands and was only half an inch thick and six feet long. It surely would take her a long time.

[Illumin0sity]

Having been asleep, Noah hadn’t felt the winds or heard Zulrav’s whispers on them. He was ignorant to the breezes’ power since whatever came inside the wagon was a tapered off and whisper-less version of what was felt outside. Whether or not they were beckoning the Stormwarden out to play with them and to have them lift him in the air near effortlessly, he didn’t wish to be outside with them. If it was urgent, if the Stormwarden was truly needed, the gusts wouldn’t have been kept at bay by what was thin canvas in comparison to what Zulrav could conjure with His power.

Noah’s sleeps were dreamless, he constantly fluttered in and out of them as the hours waned on, but he didn’t rise as he only sought more sleep in order to pass the day. It seemed his seeking was mostly in vain though, as night had yet to come even though it felt as if he had been in and out for more than an afternoon. From what light strewn in from the back of the wagon he could tell it was around midday, the sun beaming down through what was a cloudless sky. Reaching out, the tiniest fragment of his god couldn’t be felt. The absence of Zulrav in fullness didn’t mean the winds were without words and moods though, all the Stormwarden had to do was grace them with his presence in order to ascertain how they felt and what they sought after, if anything at all.

Noah heard Elann’s weighted sigh, watching her recoil to take the breath in order to expel it. He wondered what was on her mind, only discerning thoughtfulness from her face without reaching into their bond. He wished he could read her mind some of time, but not knowing if her relatively gentle way with words was hiding what she truly thought inside was frightening to him. She brushed her hair and drifted to the back of the wagon in order to strip the bristles of shedded hair and caught blades of grass. He observed her in relatively silence, the only noises coming from him being his breathing and any shifting he would have to do in order to see her clearly with his eyes.

After she returned the brush to its place, she grabbed the beginnings of one of her weaving projects and sat. He continued to peek at her while she started it, mostly caught up in the motions of her hands, as he always was whenever she worked on something in front of him. It was clear to him he wasn’t getting back to sleep, not with her there and being distracting, though he didn’t loathe her for it. After a while he finally rolled onto his back, moving the blanket off of him in the same motion before sitting up with his back to her. He stretched and rubbed his face again, wiping any residual sleep from his eyes before stretching, his hands over his head and his back arching as much as it would against the wound. There was pain of course, and he felt sorry Elann had to deal with it as well, albeit in a dulled out form depending on how attentive to him and the bond she was. He had learned to block out the pain she communicated down their bond, having no choice to do anything but since she experienced a relatively routine pain every three weeks or so.

Her monthly aches were utterly foreign to him when they first started. He never had to deal with it in Caesarion because the former bondmate was man. They were something he was used to by now though, one thing amongst others that he accepted as a part of Elann and their once-new bond.

Noah stood all the way up, his body draped in near nothing but the underwear covering his midsection. He couldn’t decide if he preferred underwear or shorts more, the former allowing him to be closest to nude but also being less presentable in public than the latter. It was an idle thought, the Kelvic moving to the trunk in order to retrieve his journal and pencil. He set them atop the trunk after closing it again, letting them stay there while he went to the corner in order to pour himself a cup of water. He took his time in drinking it, turning to face Elann and survey the premises and then watch the horses behind their wagon trot on and on at the behest of the driver. When the cup was emptied he set it back down on the floor with the few others and the pitcher containing their family’s water. He retook his journal and pencil and moved back to the bed, leaving it unkempt as he sat down in the spot he once lay on in order to draw, resting the journal on his knee. He drew for as long as Elann worked, though none of the draws were of her or seemingly related to her.

The sadness he once felt had all but fled, replaced by contentment since he was existing quietly with Elann. If the situation were not as tense as it seemed to be, he would be more than content. Since it wasn’t, content was as much as he could be in the moment. Noah drew upon his font of patience, deciding to use drawing as a way to pass the time instead of sleeping, something perhaps less self-destructive than wasting away. He was fairly certain he didn’t want to fly anymore, not without Elann’s witnessing and urging. He had been convinced to fly before by Aimee, partly because he wanted to aid in the hunting party. The reason wasn’t entirely selfish either, he did want to help the others in the caravan. He could do so by doing what he did best, using the skies to an advantage. He wasn’t allowed to take down bigger prey like he would have liked, but his sights and warnings and little tactics were invaluable to the hunters after Aimee explained to them what to look for in Noah’s signs made in the sky.

[snelss0]

Elann shifted slightly as her husband rose. Her eyes followed him as he went to go get water, but then went to her work shortly afterward. She felt bed for the man behind them, and if it wasn't for his patience (likely because he eventually got to see Aimee naked) he would have likely requested their wagon take up the rear most of them all. As it was, the driver was learning to just ignore it and look off slightly to the side when Noah was in his naked mode, or in this case, wearing underwear.

To Elann, this was public. Unless the flaps were closed, children could rush between the wagons, people moving up in the line to get something from wagons in front could see him, and she could see their faces every time. At least with Noah sitting in the bed he was slightly covered by the pillows and such. Riding in the wagons was a time for thinking, and as she worked on the rug, she thought of how close they were to Zeltiva, how the mountain could be seen, how the outpost was likely to be coming up soon. She wanted to tell him, but then she didn't.

Another breath, heavier than the others came out of her at the thought and she tried to remember when she was in her tent with her father and how he was so verbally abusive and how she just didn't enjoy being around him. It helped her relate to get into the mood of letting her weaving distract her. It seemed to work because by the time he had settled into drawing, she had forgotten she was even in the wagon with anyone.

Bells later, Elann would take a break to write in her journal and would also take a small drink of water, her first in a couple days. After a short break, sitting in silence, slowly drinking her water and obviously thinking, she would continue with her weaving until evening. While before she had kissed him, showed she still loved him, there was a cold silence in their bond and in her lack of acknowledging his presence. It wasn't hate, and subtle feelings were felt in the bond as emotions and thoughts dictated, but for the most part they were dulled and distant.

[Illumin0sity]

Noah couldn't help the discomfort he was potentially causing the driver of the wagon behind theirs. He truly didn't care to, feeling as if he wasn't totally naked so it wasn't all too bad for the man. He slept all day underneath the blankets, trapping his own heat under it with him. For that prolonged amount of time, especially since he was waking up hour after hour, the heat would've caused him to sweat and to be uncomfortable. He opted for underwear for various reasons, his own body heat being one of them. Unlike Elann, he didn't deem the inside of their wagon public, thinking the open flaps no different than windows with no drapes or open doors to a house. Thusly, he didn't feel bad for the driver in the slightest.

A little before his drawing, Elann had drew another heavier breath before becoming more absent in the moment than she already was. Their bond was harrowingly quiet and he felt as if it would've been better if they had both cut themselves off from one another so long as the bitterness would remain; at least the silence would be excused by another reason. It was clear she was acting as if he was invisible, something that wouldn't have been heavily impactful if it weren't for the circumstances in which she was serving him with silence. He thought it was clear he didn't want to be away from her or alone in the moment since he had not taken the first opportunity to flee from the situation entirely. He went out at night with his sister in order to sort his own feelings out, but he didn't go far. He had been around from the night of the fight onward, even attempting to engage her in small ways that were unsuccessful.

Noah stopped drawing and examined his work, tracing over the outline with his smallest finger and delicately brushing over shadows with his pointer. He could tell he was regaining what his mind had lost, the skill of his hands being resharpened by practiced. He recalled how much he did enjoy drawing, even if the drawings themselves could mean very little to him. The act of drawing itself and the collection of pieces he had mustered made him think about the man who he indirectly learned how to draw from initially. At a young age when he would people-watch, he spotted a man in one of the parks doing the same thing he did today: sketching. Through many weeks of observation and mimicry done at home, Noah had developed some small skill in art himself. Eventually he drew upon the courage in order to confront the man and confess it all, having to reveal his Kelvic secret. The confession landed him more professional lessons, the man charmed by Noah's interest and dedication.

Noah realized he was thinking about that and staring down at his drawing, his fingers hovering as if waiting for the next command. The one he gave them was of retreat as he closed the book and went to stand up again, returning to the trunk in order to put the journal back and stuff the pencil in the corner, under some clothing, so it wouldn't break. Standing there, Noah didn't understand the point of Elann kissing him if she was going to continue on with her treatment of silence. He personally would have rather been left alone and not teased with the smallest of affections if silence was only going to continue. It was quizzical to him but didn't dwell on it, he dug into the trunk to retrieve the box holding gold and other small baubles. From the box he pulled out his old mirror, the one that stood upon his wardrobe in his bedroom in Syliras, and raised it to himself. He looked at his face, noting how his own failure to continuously groom himself was beginning to show, probably moreso to himself than anyone else.

His hand went over the growing hairs of his chin and jawline, and he pulled non-destructively at the ones over his upper lip to test their length. Once the brief examination of his face and eyes were done he set the mirror back in the box and replaced the whole thing into the trunk. He had been counting the days since their departure from Syliras and knew there were only a few left to travel. From what he saw of the wilderness yesterday they were drawing nearer and nearer still, the woodlands starting to thin out in favor of meadows and grassland sparsely decorated by trees. Herds of deer would become commonplace, seen from afar, as would wild boars, foxes, and wolves if they dared to venture out from the protectiveness of the treeline. Noah, himself, couldn't wait for the finally stretch to the done.

[snelss0]

As he lingered over his drawing, she didn't seem to care to notice, still focusing on her weaving. He ended up standing up and moving to the chest to do something or other, but she was in the motions of her weaving and had come to not bother with him worrying about what was going on. He never saw anything wrong with what he did to her and how it made her feel. It wasn't a vindictive behavior, though it seemed that way.

That silence came with a price however and it left her feeling alone; which her rug making and playing or talking with others seemed to cure. The pain of the fight and his words were real to her and she didn't feel like talking to him. He had said some very rude and hurtful things all because he didn't understand, and then abruptly ended their conversation with the all too familiar 'are we done' line. She -was- done, and she was bordering on being angry with him and had to keep reminding herself that he wasn't intentionally mean, though that at this point didn't seem to be true.

When a child goes up to someone and calls them fat or ugly, you correct the child and tell him it's not okay to do. She had tried to change him to better understand people and in relation her, to correct that bad behavior, and while that was slowly happening, it was with great resistance and harsh lashing. She had given up trying to change him as requested. As time passed however, it meant she would be hurt repeatedly, and she just couldn't take that anymore. Her silence was a response to show that and it was easy to understand she was hurt by him. If he wanted love from her, he would have to mend his wife, but as it was, she was focused elsewhere; not wanting to dwell on the thought of him and recycling old emotions which would only lead her to anger.

[Illumin0sity]

Noah wasn't ignorant to how his words made her feel following the fight, he understood he caused her hurt and was apologetic for it. He apologized in his way, not dipping into behavior that would leave her totally alone in the moment if were he were to go away. He knew he didn't need her permission to fly away, before, she had already encouraged him to go away for as far and as long as he wanted in order to completely retake his flight. If he were to do that now, the timing would be destructive, so he stuck around, knowing how much she disliked his fleeing when something wasn't going well for him. That facet of selfishness was pushed aside in consideration for how she felt, as had other things that were seemingly small to her but rather large to him.

In their fight, he wasn't annoyed with her and didn't raise his voice. He was confused and frustrated over the moment, something very large and overarching as religion tended to be a sore topic for him to discuss. He knew he wasn't like many others in that respect: people who worshiped gods and actively sought to be recognized by them in some way shape or form. He truly didn't even understand his own sister's reasons but he could align himself readily to them because they shared blood and because the gods she worshiped had places in the wild; life, death, fate, all of which took a place on all facets of life, regardless of one being animal or human. He didn't agree with Elann that purity and faithfulness had the stances in nature she may have thought they had, seeing as her versions could and had been easily broken by predators and prey animals alike, him included.

Noah was thoughtful enough to sort through his feelings over the little while between their fight and understand what he thought his wrongs were in the fight. As it were though, she wasn't speaking to him and he didn't want to waste breath talking at her with little to nothing in response. Where she may have felt lonely, he knew his own would pass. He spent years enjoying being alone before Elann and Caesarion, and knew that he could do it again if the silent treatment were to continue, he felt she knew that as well. Regardless of how darkened their bond was, he failed to see her in a vile light. Her saying that he thought her a vicious woman was hurtful to him because he could never see her in that way; to him, it was the same as saying she was glad he didn't hit her in their last fight, something he wouldn't do either. Noah, more or less, was at a loss for what to do in order to fix the situation. He had an idea of what he wanted to do. Seeing as his first step was seemingly spurned, he had been disheartened against it.

He still resided by the trunk, staring into it aimlessly as he thought in on himself. He wondered what she thought and wondered if she was angry. In his mind, she had plenty of reasons to be, though it wasn't to say he was particularly caring of them. Many things that he said against her character were truly felt and said with confidence on his part as an avid observer of how she behaved. He thought she was a very selfish person and someone who loathed herself more so than anyone around her. He thought her outwardly shown kindness was because she couldn't show it to herself. It was becoming clear to him that she yearned for his love of her because there were many parts about herself which she didn't like. His opinions of her had changed little; she was still annoying, as was her god, she was still highly frustrating, and still very confusing to him. All that in mind, his love for her failed to diminish regardless of how tensely it was strained.

Noah took a small breath and moved to take off his underwear, sliding them on down and onto the floor before reaching into the trunk for a pair of his discarded shorts. The day outside, though it had waned, still lingered with warmth and the breezes that once ravished the area were letting up in their strength. He knew it wasn't fully healed, the soreness of his wounds mixing with the ache from worked muscles that once lay dormant. He put on the shorts and made his way towards the back of the wagon in order to drop down and start walking. He moved off to the side so he wasn't walking directly in the sight of the flaps, but could still be seen lingering in the area.

[snelss0]

Elann had every right to feel like he thought she was being a vicious woman. He may have felt many things about her, but this fight was started, created, and finished by him. She had done nothing except be peaceful, calm, and even upon insult, longsuffering. She too had never raised her voice and had since been silenced. The fear of his everlasting silence was not so great to her, and the longer he took to come to terms with his wrong doing, the more she would be content to break their marriage and bond.

It wasn't what she wanted, and it was the thought of him residing in suffering that kept her from talking with him about it. She knew he would take the high road and point out it was her who had wanted to separate when she knew it was the both of them. They were just going through the motions until some sort of peace was found between the two of them. Over time, that contentment to break apart would likely fade too and they would come together; she didn't want to wait until that point though.

As he stripped down, her eyes came up and flashed to the driver behind, but Noah had moved out of sight fortunately as much as possible. Her eyes went back to her work briefly, only tarrying to him in care as he dropped down to walk. She wondered how long they would go at their spat this time. Already she missed the touch of his embrace, their lovemaking, and his deeper voiced words.

Elann decided to spend the next chunk of her time praying until evening or until Noah wanted back into the wagon. It was one thing to get into the wagon when it was still and he was injured, another when it was moving. There was still concern in her and love for his well being, and it would show if the opportunity presented itself; she was just tired of his bad behavior and couldn't ask him to change.

[Illumin0sity]

Walking outside off to the side of the wagon, but between it and the one behind them, Noah was allowed to think freely without Elann's bodily distractions. It would've been easier to not care about touching her or loving her if they had remained friends, in status of relationship where it was tacitly forbidden for him to touch her in the ways she had shown to him. However, he knew what it felt like to touch her and to be touched by her. The act of their lovemaking itself was missed by him, for the feelings of emotion, and also because of how she explained it to him in order to be done for more than reproductive purposes: there was no better way for two people to be one than to have one another in that way.

The explanation was enough to catch his attention, the act itself through repetition was enough to keep him captivated. He was able to be vulnerable with her and she him, a deep sense of trust linking them and reinforcing the bond immensely. He was able to withstand her overwhelming passions while they were in the flows of their love and he was able to feel emotion in deeper ways than he had ever felt. Lovemaking with Caesarion was not as powerful as it was with Elann, he admitted. He realized sex with Caesarion was lusty and borderline brutish. While it was filled with love like it was when he lay with Elann, he didn't feel as if the love was as deeply enriched as it was with her. What he blamed it on was the fact that him and Caesarion bonded through a lover's throe after meeting one another randomly. Though they stayed together for a time, and though the bond was forged in the fires of lust, it was weak enough to be broken by the Ravokian without an explanation to the Kelvic.

Noah stuffed his hands into his pockets and huffed a breath, feeling longing in his bond for Elann far stronger and deeper than anything he felt when she wasn't immediately before him. He knew he would get excited to see her when they lived separately and had their own lives, and knew that once he was over attempting to loathe her for visiting him during his bout of depression, he was immensely appreciative for her coming over to save him from himself. Despite her annoying behaviors and confusing way of explaining things to him, he couldn't hate her for it. The listing of pros versus cons had been done several times over in his mind but it all boiled down to what meant the most to him versus what was trivial in the grand scheme of their relationship.

He licked his lips, holding his head down as he watched his bare feet go over the downtrodden ground. After a moment of consideration he shifted in his walking and went to return to the entrance of the wagon, watching as Elann was praying. He had been away for only a small amount of time, enough for Elann to get into her prayers. There wasn't a good time in which to stop her, he figured she could pray from sunup to sundown, so he stopped her then, rapping his knuckles on the wooden floor of the wagon before him.

“Elann, love,” he called in order to catch her attention in full.

[snelss0]

Elann was still weaving, not stopping to pray, but her attention was gone and her eyes locked shut. It would seem like she was sleeping while weaving, not voicing out anything except in rare bouts of importance, but for the most part she was either silent or her lips would occasionally move. He would know the look by now and as he rapped on the wood, calling to her, she opened her eyes.

There he was already at the edge of the wagon. It caused some minor concern in her for him. Perhaps he couldn't keep up with the speed at which they were traveling and it was hurting him. She wasn't looking to their bond however and just came over to him, bending down to see what it was he wanted.

"Are you alright?"

[Illumin0sity]

Noah felt a little bad for interrupting her praying, knowing she enjoyed it, being able to speak to her god. At least Yahal actually heeded her words and listened to her. It was more than could be said for other gods and those devout to them. He supposed that could be said for him as well, for someone as unreligious as he was and he managed to snag the attention of a god, probably because of his mother's own devoutness to Zulrav. However, he was unsure on that part, thinking the god was omnipotent like many other deities seemed to be. It was very possible Zulrav knew Noah was going to be born long before his mother or father even met. Perhaps the path to become a Stormwarden had been laid out to Noah when his soul still resided within the body of another, perhaps another Stormwarden now dead and gone. Thinking of fate, he figured Lhex made it so him and Elann met, making him want to speak to her all the more.

Elann came to him, bending down and asking if he was okay. Physically, he was, so he nodded. He reached out for her. “I want you to walk with me,” he said, revealing that the want was there and prevalent in the moment, not a past tense particle of a feeling. “I don't want to walk alone.”

Noah wondered if she still instilled the same domination in him as she did when regarding her as his husband, wondering if he could even command she walk with him just like she could command him to do nearly anything she wished. The difference between their relations was that he was unable to willingly go against her commands whereas she had the independence to do whatever she wished. She could totally disregard him while he could not. He didn't want to evoke a command though, he wanted her to come willingly and see that his want for her to be at his side in the walk went far beyond a trivial desire to not be alone, something he could handle.

[snelss0]

It seemed he felt bad for one reason or another. She didn't know what was on his mind that necessitated her to walk with him. He wanted her to be there by his side. It was a pressure she wasn't sure she was up for.

She was in part confused how he could dislike so much about her and yet still wanted to be close. She had not expressed her dislike for his character like he had for her. As it was, she knew he thought she was annoying, overbearing, frustrating, a nag, someone who seemed to speak to him evily, and someone who sought themselves only. These were all the various things he had spoken of her over their past fights and it had all come to a head for her in this one. Still, as she looked at him in that short moment between his asking and her answering, she knew she still loved him.

Love was self sacrificing, and despite her lacking want to be anywhere near him, she felt compelled to go with him. She shifted to the side from where she knelt down and slid off the back.

"Alright."

He had not let her work on much of the rug nor pray much, but he wanted to not be alone; it took priority she supposed. Slipping out, she moved off to the side of the path of wagons and silently walked with him, not close like normally, but just there with him. The wind was still blowing and she held herself against the chest with her arms. Her eyes seemed to wander elsewhere distantly, as if taking in the location.

[Illumin0sity]

There was an immense amount of stress on him following the question being asked, forcing him to say he didn't want to walk alone in order to add another coaxing statement to it all. He didn't feel the uncertainty in himself until there was a pause between her answering him. She did fold, saying 'alright' before sliding out the back of the wagon and then drifting off to the side with him.

Noah thought all those things of her, all ill-seeming things, but he felt he knew her well enough to know the greatness in her personality as well. She wasn't perfect in his eyes, he knew no bondmate or person would be perfect to him. He lived too long without bonding, therefore his personality had already been shaped before the influences of another could leave an imprint on him. Unlike Aimee, who had been bonding on and off for years, Noah only bonded twice and both were deep bonds. If he had waited a few years longer it was unlikely he would've ever bonded, being perfectly content with who he was as a person, independent and fiercely so.

The counterbalance of her overbearing, nagging, annoying, and frustrating was her graciousness and willingness to adapt for him as he had attempted to do for her in Syliras. Right now, there was distance between them and it was clear to him that he was the only one who wanted to talk at all. That would've been fine with him, he would have been able to live with that for as long as Elann wanted to continue her silence, but thinking long term, the bond would be strained to a taut point, something he didn't want to risk personally.

The temperature outside was beginning to cool, and though the wind had let up in its power, it still blew in a constant and moodless way, discernible by him. He knew she got cold easily, giving her a brief look as she hugged herself against her chest, cloistered and defensive. He raised one of his hands to the smoothed charm of his hemp necklace. His mother told him the stone had been eroded away by the wind, and he felt power in it, something he was only beginning to recognize recently. Grabbing it and raising his other hand out vaguely with an open palm, he caused the wind to stop in its blowing, feeling it taper off against his skin in a final, dying breath.

“I'm sorry for interrupting your prayer and work,” he said earnestly, loud enough for her to hear.

He took a little breath and swallowed. “I can live without you,” he said frankly at first. It was the truth, and he felt she could live without him now as well. “I don't want to though,” he continued with more care. “You mean the world to me, and more. For anyone else, I could care less if they weren't going to speak to me, or look at me with disdain, or feel angry with me. With you, it's different. I don't like your silence and I don't like it when you're not jovial. You have the right to be upset with me right now, and I want to apologize for myself, but I also want to do something to fix it now and not later. I think later might be too late for both of us.

“I just truly don't have it in me to... deal with your silent treatment or any kind of silence. Before, I would have left you because I wanted to be away from you, but I haven't left you. I didn't want to be away from you after the fight and you didn't tell me that you wanted to be away from me either. You not telling me anything is confusing. I just want you to talk so I know what's wrong with you. I hate trying to guess what I have to do to get you to talk. Sometimes I am right, but other times I am wrong and it's frustrating.

“Like I said, you have every right to be angry with me and at what I've said in the past, but can you just tell me so I can do something?”

Noah was not adept as navigating social situations. He liked the clear-cutness of the wilderness; it was simple survival, kill or be killed. There were no silent treatments or eggshell-walking in order to ease out of a situation caused by words. She knew they weren't his forte, and so he believed her silent treatment was at his own detriment, in order to punish him in some way. He was attempting to understand it though and believed her own seeming benevolence wouldn't allow her to be willingly vindictive. More than anything in the moment, he wanted her to speak plainly what was on her mind. He was inviting it upon himself, regardless of what lay in store, if anything at all. A lack of words would be plain enough for him, all the same.

[snelss0]

The winds quelled at the raising of his hand. She shivered at once to recover the lost heat within her and she seemed thankful. He apologized to her for interrupting and she shook her head, showing it was no big deal. There were plenty of hours left to work if she wanted to.

Her gaze was still away from him toward the country, but even before he spoke, she could feel his tension to speak. She looked over toward his feet as he spoke. Immediately he was off to one hell of an apology, telling her he could live without her. He saved himself before the rage kicked in and she listened, wanting to hear what he had to say, but still looking toward his feet rather than toward him.

While he thought it was okay that she meant the world to him and he could snub off everyone else, she didn't like that about him, as displayed so many times before. Her jaw tensed at the mentioning but she remained calm, listening to him continue. She was on the edge of the knife as it came to her anger and yet he pulled her away from the ledge as he said she had the right to be upset with him. It eased her back and even moreso as he apologized. She nodded silently, agreeing that later might be too late to fix anything.

It seemed her silent treatment had burned a hole through his clothes right to his heart as he couldn't stand it or the cold bond. He showed how his behavior was good in that he didn't leave her, but while it was something she appreciated, it was done for the wrong reasons. She wanted him to not want to leave, not because she didn't want him to. He expressed that it was all confusing to him. He admitted she had the right to be angry and that sometimes he was right, but other times wrong. She wasn't sure he considered himself to be wrong based on what he had said before they stopped talking, but she did realize he was floundering to fix things, and that was enough for her.

"I don't know..." she said quietly, giving him a sidelong glance with furrowed eyebrows, as if not sure whether to answer his request. She revealed why. "You are apologizing, saying you're sorry and that I have a right to be upset and angry with you, but do you even know why? What are you apologizing for? Are you sorry I'm not talking to you, that I'm not feeling jovial? I have a right not be, as you said. So what is it that you are sorry for?"

He had let so much time pass before coming to her, she didn't feel wrathful or vindictive, not even angry, but did feel like he needed to learn his lesson. She didn't want some partial apology just because he didn't feel good about the situation. It was good he didn't feel pleased with it. He shouldn't.