Briza

Current Mood in One Gif

Post a random fact about yourself.

@Iceborne, no doubt. I am just a girl, tbh.

Human is a five (5) letter word.

Post a random fact about yourself.

I am a human.

Give Me Your Favorite Quote(s).

“I'm not a lump and I like to jump!”

Theodore Isaac Rubin

RPGC #20: Gratis - Discussion

@SleepingSilence, I love you, too! (＾▽＾)/`❤️

RPGC #20: Gratis - Discussion

@SleepingSilence, nitpicking is not going to help the growth of an amateur writer too, too much. These are entries for a RPGC, not the New York Times Best Selling List. Small grammar errors are definitely a nuisance to read, especially when in abundance, but nipping an entry in the bud due to something so teeny-tiny is perverting the art of literature. Stop aborting potentially good writers, Oniisama! ( `●︿● )💧^{~ Ya-y-yameru!}

But somebody that's precise would have came up with one word that fits the bill, it is a first person perspective and they're out there. The rule of three is because people like and very commonly use three descriptors for something because it just sounds nice.

You must have a different narrator in mind. The man who I chose to be the narrator has a different set of characteristics and attributes than the ones you are trying to impose on him, and to make him act any differently would be fundamentally incorrect to the personality of which I crafted for him. Despite your current thought of him, he is someone who does make use with the letter of the Christian law when making discernments or argumentations (let's go more Catholic for the sake of inspiration and use Saint Thomas Aquinas). He could have had two or three or four reasons, regardless of ruling. However, as the author, Briza gets to say the reasons, not someone who managed to have no hand in writing the story but for some unbeknownst reason is trying to convince her that he... I am not sure at this point, but if someone - anyone wants to take the story to the Graduate Level and write a dissertation trying to prove Briza's own will wrong, have-at-it, I'spose.

Briza calls dibs on reading it, pretty please with sugar on top.

Though just as a thought experiment, if we were to assume stereotypes, others may look upon priests favorably. But would they look favorably upon themselves?

A really good answer to your question can be found in the Life Story of Saint Mary of Egypt, which includes her relationship with Father Zosimas. Their relationship reads something like the Japanese who, to show humility, continue to bow lower and lower to each other upon greetings.

But so the discussion doesn't end there. If you'll humor my curiosity, suppose if you knew that the story was 4,000 words and not characters? What would you have added to the story? (Or did you believe it was perfect as is?)

Nothing is perfect, except... The Triune Godhead. Axios!

I like the story being short, but I did fight myself to keep it the length that it is. I kept it at its current length because his encounter with the woman was brief, and making the story brief flowed with the general idea of a small thing being able to blossom into something greater, such as the Butterfly Effect. My very original thought was to add the dinner portion with reactions from bystanders, dialogue of further introductions and familiarizes between the three, and an ending with the story being a recollection of the event jotted in the narrator's private diary with the keynotes being something about how he helped a woman and her son out of the pigpen. In short, I would add more dry-pompous stuff but decided against it upon principle, which I already mentioned to you in the beginning of the post.

RPGC #20: Gratis - Discussion

Thank you, @BrokenPromise times three (3).

RPGC #20: Gratis - Voting and Critique

Hey, Ra-Ra-Re-Bop! Thank you very much for the critique and of course, the preemptive private message pointing out all the flaws, you noticed in the entry, @SleepingSilence. It is very appreciated, but in the words of Wes Anderson's rendition of Fantastic Mr. Fox, I am gunna ignore your advice (mostly).

Mostly coming in terms of, the title misspelling is fairly embarrassing, but at least, in Bryzantium, the title has the correct spelling. Although, Bryzantium has quite a few grammatical errors in other parts that need correcting...

ヾ(＾∇＾) Briza's Response!

1 - 2 - 3 ...

... Now, let me elucidate here. I took the self-induced prerogative to write the story in a hasty manner and at most in several hours. Spending much time on it seemed contrary to the imaginary rules I conjured during the brainstorming process. In fact, originally, the story was exactly 4k characters short. I had misread (as per usual) the instructions and thought the entry was to be written in no more than 4k letters as opposed to 4k words. I was very confused as to how to write the story and also have an added paragraph or two about what happens to the hero and the loved ones he rescues with only a 4k character cap. After finishing the story and seeing that I misread the rules, I decided to (mostly) leave it as it is (minus some small-tidbit edits shortly after posting -- all which pushed the character count over 4k character mark). I would make an awful Pharisee, apparently.

As for the rest of the story: Briza went on a small date with him. His ziti preparing skills are a distinguishing 9.80/10.00. Very Scrumptious! Also, I have never seen someone rock such amazing blue leather shoes. All he needed was a horn, and he'd have been straight in the act & settin' music back to the caveman days, as they say. However, he plays the violin and nothing brass.

(Ftr, I am against the Protestant Reformation, as well.)

You mean Cleric? A clerk is like a cashier...

There is no error with clerk. The woman is buying mead from a clerk who is standing behind a wooden counter (the cashier counter, if you will). The narrator is a man of noble class, who is not married for some reason or another. Perhaps, he is a widower. However, he is not a member of the ecclesiastical order. (If anything at all, at most a council member.)

Pick one of three. (I’d remove fool/jerk) because those are already implied when you say a cleric/priest is contrarian. (And maybe rich too. Since it’s not the only time it’s implied.)

The analogy of three is in honor of the Triune Godhead. As well, when I (personally) make decisions, there are usually a plethora of reasons, some are even intuitive and some are just... wrong.

Just so yah know, not everyone thinks clerics are fools or jerks. Go visit your local Romanian Orthodox Church. Anyways, the use of fool and jerk, is to show the narrator's distinction of language and discernment in philosophy. He is a precise man, after all -- to hold such a high status close to himself.

On the other hand, I used irony with the terms, as well. (Hold some respect with me here, because I can see a Romanian priest calling himself a fool after you call him a wise man for this precise argument.) The narrator makes himself to be a fool in the eyes of society economically, socially, and metaphysically (I used the number three, again!) by asking the woman to go on a date with him. The foreshadowing is an ode to Dostoevsky, "The cleverest of all, in my opinion, is the man who calls himself a fool at least once a month." Of course, Dostoevsky is giving a personal opinion, with which I happen to agree. You may not. It is also an ode to the Apostle Paul, (1 Corinthians 1:4) "We are fools for Christ's sake, but ye are wise in Christ; we are weak, but ye are strong; ye are honourable, but we are despised." And thirdly, it is an ode to the Eastern Orthodoxy status of Fool's for Christ. There's the number three, again! Although, this time the reasons are a little more like when I used the words jerk and fool. There are distinctions, but I will keep the pearls to myself until further notice.

“I had been raised in the most eloquent of homes, families and manners.”, More concise.

I used an anaphora for his natural tendency towards long-winded pompousness and pedantry. Thank you for understanding.

If I could nitpick from unnecessary padding. Remove "daintily", We know how the character sees her already. And as a reader I can't imagine "saying nothing" to mean anything else in terms of visual information.

The use of dainty is an attempt to humor the audience with the protagonist's (foolish) chivalry. It was a suggestion, and I did agreed with it.

Remove that first/highlighted sentence, since the dialogue makes that apparent already. Plus the other following sentence is a better elaboration coming from a character perspective.

This is more pompous humor in example of the narrator staying true to his personality by being overly-thorough with the multi-layers of his thoughts to himself (and the audience). It definitely has the ability to be worded in a better order. Thank you for pointing this out.

Also, thank you very, very much for going out of your way to critique the short story.

Gratias Tibi!

ヾ(＾∇＾) Briza's Critique!

My critique for your writing is fairly similar to the one I gave you for RPGC #18: Adventure Calls, Just Passing. The alliterations are mentally jarring. You used a lot more moderation this time, and it reads much more smoothly. The stylistic device of word forms was an interesting technique of a jump but a little estranged. With RPG's BBCoding, I am uncertain I should really fault you. The characters are a lot more entertaining and dynamic, and over all, I enjoyed this story a lot more. Unlike Calle, I am not going to point out this phrase or that phrase that could be re-worked because I am still trying to find my way out of a plethora of other Wonderlands and seem to lack restraint when I see a potential rabbit hole. (It's pretty tempting...)

I really enjoyed this line:

The individual snowflakes may have been considered beautiful, but their true intentions were shrouded in a chilling haze and lost in the millions among the crowd, like demons cascading from the clouds and falling from their salvation.

With that said, the story still has a merriment despite the bitterness. (Cheers to the Alcoholic!) You definitely succeeded in creating a bittersweet story.

Post a random fact about yourself.

I watched The Iron Giant with my son last night for his first time. He really enjoyed it. (⌒▽⌒)♥️

On a side note, I like words, which is a five (5) letter word.

Post a random fact about yourself.

I dropped out of Physics I in High School because I was too busy coloring notes and drawing comics with crayons.