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7 yrs ago
dissertation done. can actually post again. yay.
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wordcount: 4987 (+5)
Midna: level 9 EXP: //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// (111/100)
Location: The City of Glass
Warp Charges: 1


In her dreams, the princess drifted over a lake lit up by a crimson moon. In the distance, but growing closer, was a castle, it’s dark stone tinted the color of dry blood by that crimson sky. Beyond it lay a city. A city she had never seen. A city that no longer existed.

A city she still somehow knew was called Redgraccoon city.

In between the two was a rather grotesque looking bridge, one made of everything from broken ships, storage containers to piles of furniture (anything that floated really) all of it tied together by a disgusting looking biomass.

At the city end of the bridge many of the structures were overgrown with the same biomass, creating a pestilent hive, while on the end touching the castle, Midna got a closer look at the creators of that particular brand of horror.

The mass of them where claw like Drones (some of which carried parasites on their backs) which where in the process of rushing breaches blown in the castle walls by acid spitting Mortarbugs. Stalking above the mass of drones were on their long legs where defensive Shieldbugs while at their feet scrambled much smaller Xenonites a stream of which were being spawned by pulsating eggsack like carriers that where hanging back with the mortar bugs.

”Smart bugs” Midna noted as she took in the fairly robust strategy of shield bugs covering for swarmers in front, while ranged and minion spawning support hung back ”Be a shame if someone flanked them.”

A moment later, the princess did just that, shadow hopping to one of somewhat intact boats behind the alien swarm’s backline, and then charging in for the kill on wolfos back. Her shadow hand rose, fell, rose, fell, and pounded the vulnerable support forms into paste, before she surged forwards into the breaches they had formed to help whoever they were attacking.

She expected to find beleaguered knights and foot soldiers, and though there were knights, they were by no means ones in shiny armor. A handful of skeletal blood grinder knights wielding chainsaw toothed blades carved through drones, while dripping hounds known as Gieremund rushed to meet them claw to claw.

After those monsters, however, things took a turn for the strange rather than horrible. Above bizarre harpy-esque creatures. who’s heads sat within large beaks, hurled feathers at foes below or clawed at annoying buzzers, while absurd elephant sized horned cats snarled and clawed at the shieldbug’s chitin barriers.

Ironically it would have been the giant cat that gave away what these were to someone in the know, namely demons. That, and a lone woman with a spade tail who was wearing, of all things, a bunny costume on the battlefield, and delivering swift kicks to her foes.

The princess, not in the know, and also not one to judged based on appearances given her own, did not see this as reason to be anything other than cautious while joining the battle.

Despite the infernal powers of the defenders, they were sorely outmatched, for while the swarm moved and fought as one, the demons fought as individuals, with little concern for coordination or eachother. Indeed, some were simply standing around at the far end of the entrance hall, and made no move to get involved unless the fight came to them.

As a result, even as the princess drove into the back of the bugs, the demons were falling one by one. The giant cat, distracted by the shield bug ahead of it, was swarmed by drones due to having no one to protect it flanks, while a harpy swooped to close to a parasite, and was promptly infested by the leaping horror, causing her to explode into a shower of them a few moments later.

Despite their sizes, said parasites turned out to be the worst, as only the undead knights were immune to them. That at least gave Midna the knowledge of how to beat them, as she summoned up an undead darknut to distract her foes while she struck from the rear.

Explosions of twilight energy blasted away hordes of drones, her shadow hand reached out and crushed the exposed rears of shield bugs, or swirled up miniature tornadoes that sucked in and blended up parasites, Xenonites and buzzers.

Despite her efforts, once the last invader was crushed there were only a handful of defenders left. Not that they seemed to care. They at least didn’t seem to care about her either, be it hostility wise or thankfulness for saving their skin wise, which she found odd.

”So, not even a thank you then?” she asked which got her a brief look from some of the demons, but all but the most human looking one looked away again. For her part, the bunny eared one gave quizzical look and asked “for what?”
”For saving you all?” she clarified

“Pff, the rest of those weaklings maybe. I’d have been fine” the demoness insisted, before scoffed “What, do you want a medal or something? Go ask the master then, you weird little imp, I’m suuuuuure he’ll care about all you’ve done to further his little human extermination plan”

That last certainly raised the princess’ eyebrows, before her gaze tightened and she asked ”And where would this master be at the moment?” tersely.

“What. Are you really going to do it?” the demoness asked, before breaking down laughing at the idea.

For her part, the princess merely rolled her eyes, and floated off to seek out this master who wished to end mankind.

For a time she drifted through the halls of the castle through which demons of dozens more shapes and sizes roamed free. Roamed, she thought, was very much the right word, for the monsters were just as aimless, unguided as the ones at the front gate had been. There were no leaders or even general consensus, and certainly no patrols or guards to stop her seeking out the master of this place.

She found him in a high up throne room, backed by a great window that exposed it to the moon, and would allow the master of this castle to survey all that lay before it.

It came as little surprise that the ruler, a man with alabaster skin, which in places was turning to a crystalline mosaic, a man she knew was Gebel, sat with his back to this view. Blind to what was occurring below.

Her arrival caused the man to start from some form of languishing contemplation, eyes widening with surprise and, for some reason, horror, before everything about him hardened and he locked his eyes upon her.

“Why do you disturb me, imp? Your rightful place is on the field of battle, is it not?” he questioned his unexpected guest sullenly. “Or have you perhaps come to bring me news that humanity has already been wiped from the face of this world?”

Minda was somewhat confused by this man, who looked human, wanted humanity’s death, but she certainly found his confidence amusing given the state of his forces, and decided she could afford to poke fun at this fact ”There’s not much progress on that front. Can’t even make it out the front door after all”

She directed a finger past him, out of the window, to where already a fresh alien swarm was surging forth from hives they had grown within the city. Whatever alien intelligence or instinctual collaboration guided those monsters from beyond the stars, it was going to carry them to victory against the leaderless demons.

”If I hadn’t come, it would be those things disturbing you instead of me soon enough” she told him as the man beheld the state of his forces.

“How truly ironic that the forces of hell, unleashed at last after such wanton sacrifice, turn out to be so…impotent,” Gebel bemoaned, his voice stricken by a crushing mixture of frustration and despair. “To think that my crusade of vengeance would come to such a bitter end, brought low by mere…insects.”

”The complete lack of leadership doesn’t help” Midna noted, before asking ”So … what are we even getting vengeance on humanity for anyway?” curious

“Is it not obvious? Look upon my blighted body, imp.” The patches of sanguine crystal stretching across his skin creaked slightly as he moved, gleaming with unholy light. “Look upon the conspiracy of the damnable Alchemists. Those mad fools, desperate to cling to power in a world quickly leaving them behind, infused myself and others with such shards of demonic power. To be sacrificed, and throw open the gates of hell, so that the world might need the alchemists again. And what you see before you,” he waved his hand at the decimated cityscape. “Is what followed.

”That’s … awful” Minda replied, genuinely appalled, before frowning and pointing out a slight logical consistency ”but you’re also still alive?”

“I do…and yet, I am human no longer. There is no place for me in this world. The greed and cruelty of humanity made me a monster…so a monster I shall be. Humanity deserves the hell they brought upon themselves.”

”All of them?“ she asked ”Aren't they also the victims as well as the perpetrators? Aren't you also human? Aren't there any you knew before who deserve to live?“

For a moment Gebel was silent. He could think of only one face he cared about, and yet she seemed so very, very far away. After a moment his face hardened, and he replied. “Throughout their lives, every human on earth is given the choice. The power to choose between heaven and hell. And what do they choose? Violence. Debauchery. Self-interest. They so the seeds of self-destruction. And so they shall reap. I merely expedite the conclusion of humanity’s sorry tale.” He slumped suddenly on his throne and muttered. “Or…I would. If only these demons could quash some wretched bugs”

”I see“ Midna replied, and really, she did. He was wrong, of course, but she could see what had driven him to this madness. She had not expected to feel bad about putting down this master of demons, but she would now, as there seemed to be something in there that could be saved. Yet there was no time, he was a threat, and if allowed to run rampant he’d eventually break out of this nightmare city and bring devastation to the rest of the world.

Or just be eaten by bugs, but then those bugs would get out and … the princess paused her thoughts, as she realized that should he fall, then it might break an equilibrium and allow the alien swarm to launch forth instead. When he fell, rather.

“Is that the extent of your business with me? I’ve entertained your quest for information, little hellspawn, but the novelty begins to wear thin.” Gebel told her, interrupting her thoughts, or rather bringing a conclusion to them.

”Well, see, I could go out there and just punch bugs, but that’s a losing battle. The demons are leaderless, acting on their own, so they’ll get slowly whittled down one by one. Without a general, your vengeance will never be achieved“ she told him, before swiftly adding that" ”but lucky for you, I could be that very general you seek. All you need to do is make me your right hand woman, and I can take charge. Lead your forces to victory, bring order to this city. Crush all the monsters within and bring it under our rule“

“A bold suggestion. And an intriguing one. For no other demon has demonstrated such initiative, nor conviction. ” Gebel concluded “Very well. I shall give you the chance to serve as my field commander. Lead my forces as you see fit, if you can. Crush the bugs, take this city, and once you are done, sweep forth from its borders wipe out all humanity!”

”Should you still wish it, it shall be so“ The princess agreed with a bow, that in being the crux of her plan. To see if she could peck peck away at his anger and find the part of him that doubted that plan, and bring it forth into the light.

The first part of that plan was quite simple ”As your general, may I recommend that you yourself accompany me for a time, so that you can inform the others of my new position. Plus, a king should be seen by his subjects after all, not languish on his throne, if he wishes to inspire great deeds“

A look of doubt, then a nod of agreement before he pulled himself off of the throne, declaring “Very well. Let us hasten the end of this tragedy” before he and she went forth to do just that.




What followed for the princess was a blur, the greatest hits of a violent rise to power. She was proclaimed his general before a throng of demons (including one ever so shocked bunny-eared demoness) and immediately set about organizing and training them into an actual army under her thumb.

Soon after the forces of hell surged out of the castle once more, now drilled into a cohesive fighting force. Harpies scouted out targets, gieremund wolf packs struck swiftly at exposed targets, while cohorts of undead knights steadily advanced under the orders of demoness officers, and demonic cats crashed through the enemy’s defensive positions, along with close to 100 other kinds of demons, all of which she found a palace for in her forces.

Hellfire scorched clear the hives of the alien swarm, and then they pushed out into the rest of the city, crushing undead hordes and mutant scourges beneath her giant glowing orange fist, while subjugating the forces of other hells and incorporating them into her forces.

As for the human survivors, well, Midna’s rapidly growing power allowed her to squirile them away, or simply temporarily transform them into other forms such that they were no longer ‘technically' human any more and thus did not need to be exterminated. Babysteps and logical twists, slowly trying to worm around her “master’s” burning hatred, while she also delicately poked at it from other angles, trying to bring out the person beneath the stained glass corruption.

She even managed to slow the corruption that was still ravaging his body even now, amassing a library of tomes on dozens of different eldritch and demonic lores to draw dark knowledge from, yet a true cure was always tantalizingly out of reach, as if an unseen force was foiling her at every turn. All she needed was one more conquest. One more piece of the puzzle seized from monstrous hands. That was all she thought it would take, until, at last and in the blink of an eye, there were no more hands in the city from which to take.




The dream solidified once again, weeks, months, maybe years having passed in minutes of sleep, on the day of victory.

Gebel never truly cared about a throne. Nor did he intend to rule–only to avenge, and destroy. Rather than indulge in hypocrisy by affecting any sort of ostentatious royalty, he wallowed in solitary misery, the throne -and the limelight- ceded to the architect of the region’s conquest. So it was that in a grand hall in his netherworld castle, in which the victorious demons were celebrating their complete and utter victory, their general sat in a throne of her own making to enjoy the spoils of war.

It was good to be a proper princess again, rather than a wanderer with only the title to her name.

Yet it was all to an end. An end to the fighting. An end to the threat of this cursed city. An end to Gebel‘s suffering. All of them now at hand, or oh so close.

And then, like a nightmare, the doors to the chamber crashed open, bringing with it a chill night breeze that extinguished all light in the hall but the glow of the ever present moon, as a masked man showed himself inside.

Gebel turned away from the balcony, where the blood-red moon always beckoned. He watched in tacit silence as a huge man, clad in strange armor crowned by a tragedy mask and accentuated by a black satin cape, strode through the throne room. The heavy oaken doors lay open behind him, revealing half-melted demon corpses beneath the candlelight, massive trail of carnage left in his wake.

The shardbinder quickly moved toward the throne to join the Twilight Princess. His voice betrayed his wariness and confusion. “My lord Consul? To what…do we owe the pleasure?”

“I’m here about your debt,” Consul D announced, his booming voice resounding through the room. “You here in this castle have been living large on borrowed time. Working hard to earn your keep, filling up your Clock, shining ever brighter. I’ve been watching with bated breath to see just how high you’d rise.” Pausing, he lifted a glass to his mask. In it lay a vivid, rich red fluid, though it shone in a way that normal wine did not. What manner of spirits, Gebel wondered, was this man imbibing? Somehow, D managed to drink it through his mask, and he drained the goblet dry. Though he’d satiated his thirst, he seemed rather hungry too, for he was really chewing the scenery. “...Imagine my disappointment, then, when your splendid string of victories came to an end. Were you content with your achievements? No more foes left to conquer, no more mountains left to climb? I suppose it’s true, what they say. Once you reach the top, there’s nowhere to go…but down.” With a swing of his hand, D cast his goblet at Midna’s feet, shattering it into pieces with a noisy crash. His voice was low, menacing, laden with intent. “...And so I am here. To collect.”

For her part, the princess carefully set down the drink she had been enjoying, and then rose to face this new challenge.

”I wouldn’t be sure of that, as it seems like I’m looking at one more mountain, and this one’s a real pinnacle of arrogance by the looks of things“ Minda said as she drifted up from the throne while brimming with her arrogance, arrogance she was actively using to push down a primal fear gnawing at her gut ”one I am oh so looking forwards to mining the secrets out of once we take you down“

Her shadow hand shot up and made a clenching fist, ready to throw down, while the princess raised one of her mortal hands, fingers curling around a pulsing locus of power that called fourth the titanic drake Valac, who’s twin heads pierced in through the grand windows on either side of her throne.

Her exposed eye glanced to the side at Gebel, not forgetting about who this was all for, and then inviting him to join the dance with ”Let’s show this interloper who he is messing with.“

Only silence answered her, however. When she looked back, she found Gebel hesitating, his eyes narrowed and his face deadly serious. Slowly, he raised his hand and snapped his fingers. When he did, the undead dragon turned lowered its loathsome heads, bowing to the Consul before them. “Now, now. Let’s not be hasty. As their invoker, these demons are mine. Your authority is but borrowed.” Gebel then put a hand on his chest, and bowed his own head toward D. “Forgive me, my lord Consul. I allowed this foolish upstart to command my army, but I did not anticipate that she’d lose the will to fight, nor lose her mind, as well.”

”Lost my …“ Midna started to echo in confusion, eye opening a wide for a moment, before narrowing back down to a glare as her gaze flicked back to the Consul and demanding to know ”Who are you, really, and what hold do you have over Gebel? Tell me! Because you are both sorely mistake if you don’t think I have the will to fight for what matters“

“What matters?” D looked from Gebel to Midna, then back at Gebel, the annoyance and incredulity hidden by his mask made crystal clear through his voice. “As if prattling knave, an insignificant speck like you, could possibly know.” He lifted his cape, and within roiled an illimitable darkness, smoldering with hellish flame. “I see how it is, Gebel. You’ve made a high-minded friend, amassed a little power, and let it go straight to your head. Well, so be it. If you will not stoke the flames of war, your usefulness…is at an end.”

“Wait!” Gebel extended a placating hand, his voice urgent. “Lord Consul! My aim is as it’s always been: the annihilation of mankind. And I will stop at nothing, I swear.” His eyes landed on Midna, and he grit his teeth. “It was her. She is behind the cessation of conflict. You understand? She came to me in my hour of need and convinced me to put her in charge. Only too late did I realize that I had been usurped. Had I the power to claim the reins once more, I could give you war everlasting…”

”After everything I’ve done for you, you’d just cast me aside?“ Midna asked, half in anger, half in sadness, for surely this could have been avoided if only she had found the cure she had been seeking.

But it was too late for that now.

”Fine then. Call me a usurper? I’ll show you what usurpation really looks like!“ as she rises up her hands and a dozen twilight portals open, spewing out demonic artifacts and tomes of eldritch lore that all swirled around her in a mass of dark power that poured into the fragment of fused shadow she was wearing.

The princess became engulfed in dark power, re-completing the work of her ancestors using her amassed power, while around more portals unleashed a trio of twilit Argorok that took to the air, while before the throne a legion of undead darknuts rose up to defend their princess. Gebel, meanwhile, retreated into the shadows.

”Bow down before the princess of twilight, or face my wrath!“

“And what is twilight?” D spat, his tone venomous as he stood, unflinching. “Nothing but a prelude to darkness!”

The Argoroks inhaled, preparing to let loose torrents of fire, only for two of them to be crushed and immediately killed in immense, hideous twin maws of Valac. D threw wide his cape, and from within erupted a fusillade of unholy fireballs. The hellfire rained down upon Midna and her legion, bursting into pillars of incinerating flame on hit. From parts unknown descended rays of ghostly green power, cutting through the inferno and any monsters yet to succumb to it. Midna strove to power through, pushing her monstrous form through the withering bombardment of dark magic to plunge her trident down upon the spot where the Consul stood, but before she could so much as scratch him he exploded into a swarm of bats. A blazing light shone down on her from above, and when she looked up she caught only a fleeting glimpse before a barrage of flaming meteors pounded her into and through the floor, smashing her all the way to the castle’s entrance hall.

Forcibly returned to normal, Midna lay half-senseless in the dusty debris, broken and bloody. Her Fused Shadow lay beside her, just close enough that she could weakly extend her throbbing arm in hopes of reaching it. Before she could touch it, her hopes were dashed as Consul D stooped to take it for himself, casting it into his cape to disappear. “What’s the matter?” he smirked. “I was told there would be wrath. Can’t you muster some up? Just a little wrath, as a treat? Ahh, a pity, muahahaha!” Chortling evilly, he reached down and picked Midna up, cradling her in his arms. “Well, no matter. You’ll just have to give me…” As he spoke, the mouth of his helmet unhinged, coming apart to reveal a real mouth underneath, filled with cruel, moon-white fangs. D bent down, reaching for her neck. “Something else.”




The princess gasped awake, bolting upright and clutching her throat.

”That … was different“ she eventually muttered to herself after she’d steadied her breathing ”Normally it’s … him, but. Instead. A Consul?“

She’d had dying dreams before. She knew exactly what it felt like after all, her life slipping away at the hands of another. At the hands of Ganondorf. But it was always him, always that moment when he had ended her life. Never another. Till now.

”Did… did it all get to me that badly? Or is my mind trying to tell me something“ she asked herself, trying to reach out and grab the already decaying dream and lock parts of it in her memory.

”The clock. Fueled by war. Eternal war. Maybe? That makes sense. Like the clockwork castle Chaos mentioned, feeding on the war“ she mulled it over, far too restless to sleep, and, by the time on her new watch, there wasn’t much night left anyway.

The desire to do something welled up along with her musings, and so when dawn came it found Midna full of milk and oats, and using an old bonesaw she’d retrieved from the clinic base to try and fix the mess Blazermate’s shield had made of her undead Darknut.

It also found her having settled on a mostly accurate, but obviously mostly baseless, guess as to the nature of flame clocks and the Consuls’ interest in perpetuating conflicts to fuel them, but obviously no idea as to why. Other than a plain lust for power.

The other was having second thoughts about her suggestion about working with Armstrong (working for a lesser evil hadn’t exactly worked out in the dream, and she assumed it had been her mind’s way of telling her that) a plan Goldlewis promptly came along and nailed into he coffin she had been putting it into with the news that Riden’s half of DepoRHado had gone to war with Vandelay over the announced replacement.

”I mean in a way I guess my suggestion was right though, if these people can be trusted, and it’s a big if“ Midna commented, but she’d go along with the plan no matter what, because it would mean they could get Tora into Vandelay with plausible deniability about what they were actually doing there, namely trying to find a way to counter the machine virus.

Yes, they needed a reset to fix Poppy, but keeping her fixed and stopping the other bots from being turned were also important.

Either way, she had no objection to opening up a portal, and sending them all on their way to what would likely prove to be an exciting start to the day.




Midna hoped the general public either got well clear, or were still in bed, as she took in the devastation of what had once been the gaudy city of glass.

It made the clean and stylish garbs of the ones who invited them to the party stand out even more.

Their leader, Sandalphon, said a lot of the right things, she had to admit, but the twili found herself asking ”Uh, huh, and what about the rest of us that aren't human?“ when the woman spoke of a way forward for humanity.

Still, she did have a point, and was offering a fair amount of support, so the princess was happy enough to go along with this for Poppy’s sake.

”I’m with Tora. I keep my promises after all“ she announced when they started making callouts about where they were going, before summoning her wolfos steed and riding into the fray by the nopon’s side.

wordcount: 1,434 (+3)
Midna: level 9 EXP: //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// (106/100)
Location: The City of Glass
Warp Charges: 1


Midna exited the arena riding someone’s shadow, mind abuzz with all the information they had just gleaned, and whether they could trust, well, any of it. As a result, she hardly noticed how the city of glass had changed in the dark, which was unfortunate, as she would have appreciated the soft pink, almost sunset like, glow the bay was reflecting onto the area around it had she seen it.

Rather than take in the scenery, what she wanted was to both rest, and talk things over, but there was still a bit of work for her to do before she could do either.

Whisking people back to home base was fairly taxing as a result of the day’s exertions, and the way her thoughts were running in circles inside her stressed skull. She was still in control, and there were no close calls, but it was extra taxing. Then she had to go back, and pick up Giovanna and what was apparently a new member she’d found somewhere.

”Alright? Are you adopting stray dogs out of alleyways now? What was he doing, tailing us?” she asked when informed of the news, and when the latter turned out to be true she was too tired to be surprised or concerned that someone could do that ”Huh. Alright. Another sneak for the team it is then. Could come in handy”

”Welcome out of the light. We’re completely outnumbered, working with barely any information, and fighting a false god” she told him as welcome ”So, you know, typical hero stuff from what I’ve heard”

”Now stick close, I’d rather not lose you in the twilight realm and have you turn into an actual dog” she beckoned them close and then away they went, wheezing across the city in only a few heartbeats.

”This here is our current little base away from our main base. Make yourself at home” she announced as they arrived, before doing the same herself.

The fact that Goldlewis was giving a recounting of events she had been present for gave her the time to do so, the princess storing her armor, giving herself a quick wash, and then getting some water and granola bar into her body. She would have loved cooked food, but, well, she had no real idea how to use the modern kitchen appliances. So snacks it was.

Maybe she could convince someone to make something nice for them in the morning.

Once everyone was up to date on what had gone on after the show, and she was not dying of thirst and hunger, she joined in the conversation on what to do with all this information

”Only way to find it is to capture something infected and try it, I suppose” Midna replied to the two robots discussion about how they needed to “reset” Poppie in-order to get her back, and how a friend heart might do it ”But before we do that, we’ll need to work out how the city’s forces resist it in the first place, so that you are both safe from the virus. Or just keep you well away from it”

She made a mental note to not use her cyber-bear when the machines were around after giving that advice.

”As for Peach, well, we need to work out where the resistance are keeping her, get into the Supernatural Life Research Facility to work out how they make the stuff that gets her her mind back, and after that well, if we can get 10 of the same kind of spirit she can turn into something that isn’t an Other at least” Which might well result in them having two impish princesses, which meant that she was speaking from experience when she said ”It’s not easy, but you get used to not being you anymore after a while”

There was hope then, though she could already think of all the ways it could be dashed. Resetting could not work, the cure Peach needed could be far too hard to use full time, or deeply unethical in its own way.

”Lastly, if that Bede kid is anywhere, he’ll be at that pokemon capture site that they use to produce more psychics” she added a yet another place for them to break into, on top of the end goal of the area’s boss.

Speaking of it, the princess had a theory or two about what it was doing down there ”Maybe the guardian was something made by, or someone working for, Shinra before the merger? Then Galeem promoted it to the position due to being strong, and coming with a whole lot of inbuilt defenses”

”Which is going to be a problem, because while Shinra might be awful if we do a lot of damage while breaking in it’ll hurt the city by reducing the forces they have to use against the crises, and make it much harder to work in the city as well” she worried. Not that they weren't exactly working outside the law a lot already, but becoming public enemy number one would make that oh so much harder.

”Same issue for this Konoe person. If they have most of the regime’s forces under their thumb, then, well, dealing with him is also going to get messy” she added, regarding Zenkichi’s in-depth knowledge of the man who had been put on the path of becoming the, well, secret third candidate for president in a way.

”So as much as I hate to say it, as much as he is probably also bad news, we might need Armstrong. He’s the only one who can fill the power vacuum that we’ll end up causing when we go against shinra” Midna suggested, not at all fond of the idea but as far as she saw it ”What other options are there? Even if we can get them on side, the PSYC-OFF rebels have just been broken, Konoe has his fingers in Neuron, we have no contact or clues about any of the other rebel groups, if they’d even work out as replacement powers”

The idea that they might be able to fix a man with such twisted aims as Konoe never even crossed her mind.

The same kind of thinking guided her thoughts on Roxas’ question on why the Consuls would serve Galeem in the first place ”Given that Galeem already destroyed those worlds, sucking up to the new god to get some power here sounds like something worms would be willing to do for a lick of power in this one”

She had to disagree with the boy’s assessment of Darkness as well ”You can control dark powers, if you know what you're doing. I’ve got proof right here after all” she tapped the ¼ of the used shadow she had set down on a table while they were talking ”and generations of wisdom in my head about it too. There were disasters and horror at the start, my ancestors were not nice people and they didn’t care who got hurt in their pursuit of power, but my people are past that now. Power is power, what matters is how you get it, and how you use it, not if it is light or dark”

She was apparently finding herself arguing a lot with Roxas, which did not feel good, but she then also found herself disagreeing about Organization XIII as well, at least in part.

”If Galeem’s pawns are trying to stop us, the path the Organisation is helping us on must be a right one. Plus, given they probably didn’t know about us till we’d already done a lot of damage, it is probably best not to let them in on the existence of the Organisation either” she retorted, before trying to smooth things out a bit at the last moment by suggesting that ”Plus, it would be far easier to ask one of them, next time one shows up, anyway. We could have Raz read their thoughts or something like that even, no trust in their words needed”

While she and the keyblade wielder had their disagreements, she was in full agreement with Geralt’s assessment that they should leave it for the morning once things started winding down ”Given that everything's going to go wrong tomorrow apparently, that’s probably for the best. The enemy can’t ruin our plans if we don’t have any after all”

Once everyone had had their say, Midna found herself a spot for some well deserved and very needed rest.

Unfortunately for her, her dreams would not be allowing the night to be anything close to restful.

The Koopa Troop

wordcount: 1,865(+3)
Bowser: Level 12 EXP: ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// (235/120)
Bowser Jr: Level 12 EXP: //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// (118/120)
Kamek: Level 12 EXP: ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// (110/120)
Rika: Level 8 EXP: //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// (44/80)
Location: The Under - Home of Tears


”Young master! Young mistress!” Kamek called out with a mix of frustration and chiding in his tone as he floated over to the pair. Quite relief that the pair seemed to have gotten out of the surprisingly dangerous pizza tower levels unharmed had been replaced by dismay as to what they had acquired.

”Did you really get sweets? For breakfast of all things? And you’ve been eating them already too, you’ll spoil your appetite!” he told them, having spotted a smear of chocolate on Jr’s cheek.

”That’s funny. The weird cookie baking meat grannies said that too before Sectonia banished them from the face of the world” Rika commented, not actually getting what she was being chided over, while Jr quickly hopped in to deflect blame ”Also it was 100% her idea. Sectonia I mean”

”Wha-! Why?” he demanded to know, only for jr to reply simply ”She’s a giant bee” as all the explanation needed

”Ah…” the mage replied, deflating, while Bowser caught up and immediately asked ”Oh neat, are those cookies?” before helping himself to one of them ”Mmm, those are really good. But why do you have them”

”You can put them on pizza papa!” the prince replied, which Bowser found a weird but neat idea.

”Yes, well, perhaps go for something else for breakfast” Kamek suggested before the king started to set a bad example for his children.

”Sure, I wanna try all the other stuff too after all” Rika replied to that suggestion, having had her fill of sweets for the moment, to which jr nodded in agreement with strength away, making Kamek wonder just how much sampling the pair had done while gathering. Probably as much as their father, he then immediately guessed, which given the king had snacked at every shop they’d been through, was probably a lot.

Still, despite this, there was nothing like running for your life to work up an appetite all over again, and so all of them had space. Kamek especially, seeing as the area he had been to had not been compatible with his dietary habits.

He was thus very pleased with the dancer and the thief for having acquired a whole host of fruits, and said as much, after which the mage immediately went ahead and ruined the troll's day by putting far more of those than should ever be on a pizza, well, on a pizza. Then he put some honey on-top for good measure.

When presented with the veritable fruit salad Arno and Willa were understandably appalled by the fruit itself being on there, while interestingly Shyler, who had asked for more toppings when presented with just Sectonia’s fruit pizza now objected, presumably due to the presence of the honey.

They were then all horrified to be next presented with Rika’s everything pizza, which, well, had everything on it. There was barely any pizza to be seen under the complete food pyramid she was having. Admittedly she had made it so that there was a spread of toppings across her pizza rather than everything being everywhere, resulting in an extreme version of a half and half pizza. An eight eights perhaps.

Regardless, none of the trolls were having any of that, getting her a chorus of “there’s something on there I don’t like!” equivalents. So she stuck her tongue out at them, and then moved on.

Bowser meanwhile drizzled some pork sausages in honey to get the closest he could to honey glazed ham (Willa and Shyler where not fans of something on there, Arno wanted more), mushrooms and peppers (no one liked that combo) and then finally a prawn and claw grated lemon zest combo (S more, W + A no).

Finally Jr went with a pepperoni pizza (W more, A+S no, indicating a difference between plain and spiced sausage in terms of preference categories).

Incidentally Kamek was the only one keeping track of all this out of the 4 of them, the rest far more interested in chowing down after having made their snubbed pizzas.

”I see, I see, it's like a puzzle in a way. How interesting” the mage noted to himself, before declaring that ”Well there’s only one way to go about solving that, and it's to find the ingredients they do like individually, and put them together after the fact”

Then, rather than get up and do that himself, he just snapped his fingers, and summoned some dry bones to do that for him. What should have been an easy and lazy solution hit a snag as, having reviewed 8 pizzas already that didn’t meet their vague requirements, the trolls were starting to get antsy. As a result, after a pizza with just peppers (W more, S&A no) and just sweets (A more, S W no) a frustrated Willa gave the offending skeletal server a slap that sent it skidding backwards a few steps, unharmed, simply displaced, alongside the usual cry of dislike.

”Well now, there’s no need for that” Kamek complained from over where he was dictating pizza production ”Here, how about, hmm, just honey, how do you feel about that?”

“MORE TOPPINGS!” Arno shouted as he delivered a powerful looking right hook that, rather than breaking the dry bones as the force involved would suggest, instead launched it ceiling-wards. Like a rocket. Or someone at 999% damage being hit with a home run bat.

”Wha-” Kamek began, only to be even more flabbergasted as the skeletal minion somehow penetrated through the ceiling and just kept going, phasing through a dozen floors of the pizza tower, through solid bedrock and then out into the open air high above.

”Whaaaaat!” Kamek, who had a vague amount of sense sharing with even the dry bones, cried out as he jolted to his feet. Around him, the other dry bone’s slowed as the increasing distance added significant tax onto Kamek’s mana reserves.

He was too transfixed to simply cut the connection however, and instead got to watch as the drybones flew high high into the sky, then arched down to go diving straight back towards Peach’s castle, the place where Kamek had started his journey.

It fell, fell, faster and faster, and then suddenly physics switched around and it started to decelerate to the point that it ended its journey by softly touching down outside the castle gates.

A gobsmacked Kamek, surrounded by collapsed manaless drybones, got a hazy vision of a very wary looking toad peeking his head out from behind the gate before both the bag of bones and its summoner collapsed from the manadrain caused by the extreme distance involved.

”He launched it all the way back to peach’s castle. All the way. Intact!” he murmured in awe as Bowser picked him back up, dusted him down, and settled him back down into a sitting position.

”Gotta admit, that’s pretty impressive” Bowser replied, before frowning down at a half eaten pizza now splattered on the ground ”Though he did also make you drop your pizza, the jerk”

”Guess I’ll make you another one” Jr offered, and before Kamek could weakly protest commanded ”Goombas! Go make him another one!”

”Yes I suppose that would work” he muttered as the trolls said something about the goombas not being fleens as they set about making pizza, before starting and crying out ”No wait!” right before an unfortunate goomba was smacked in the face for having the audacity of making the same pizza twice.

Unlike what Kamek had shouted out in fear about, apparently knockback did not apply to the spirit’s control, and as the slap did no damage, well, the only consequence was that another goobma had to catch his pizza, and the toad at the gates of peach’s castle got even more confused by the second falling and then disappearing Bowser minion.

”Speaking of Peach’s castle-” Bowser moved on from all this as if this was the most normal thing in the world, and people weren't going to have to either copy Jr or request his aid when it came to making their pizzas from now on, (which was going to make mass production somewhat of a pain till someone solved the puzzle) ”none of the rest of you had joined up by that point, right? Guess I should fill you all in on how this all started”

”See, while you lot were minding your own business when the worlds ended, I was right there, at ground zero, facing down that big glow ball and his army of master hands. We were all going to take down a couple hundred of them each, when that loser of a lightbulb pulled its cheap trick and blasted everyone and everything. There was a buncha big deal heroes like Link, and Mario, and Samus and Snake and stuff there, along with big bad guys like me, and we all got blasted away” He started, which wasn’t the most encouraging beginning to the tale it had to be said

”All except one. No idea how, but Kirby, he’s like a round pink ball this size who just eats and stuff apparently, he got away somehow. Flew faster than those beams of light and survived it all free from Galeem’s influence” he told them, ”and then he crashed down at the top of this hill. Now I don’t know what I was doing there, but me, Tora, Blazermate, and a few others were already there, and I guess maybe someone used that power F used in the city, because we all tried to take him down”

”Now, uh, obviously I knew something was up, and was holding back with my super strong willpower or something, because the pink ball beat us up, and free’d us all using those heart things. Handy that he knew how to use those” Bowser said, downplaying how he got his butt kicked.

”Anyway, then he went off on his own, and the rest of us, well we saw Peach’s castle in the distance and so I set us off to go there. Along the way we fought some robots and other stuff. Oh, and we met that Master of Masters guy who told us how to use spirits. I think he said he learned how to do it from use in the future or something it was weird” he added, casually dropping some kind of time travel or clairvoyance into the picture before going on ”oh and then the master hand also summoned a bunch of people the others cared about and forced them to fight. Not me though. Kinda weird, but I guess it was a bit pointless seeing as most of the people I cared about where inside Peach’s castle already”

”Wouldn’t that have made summoning us easier. You know, just have me or Peach or whoever walk out the door?” Jr asked, finding this very odd

”yeah, I dunno why that didn’t happen. Anyway, some of the others beat up their friends and freed em, and some, I dunno, gave up and became Galeeming because they didn’t wanna fight, and then we had to beat both of them up” Bowser explained, dropping yet more knowledge, and finally finishing with ”and the after that we went inside and beat up another version of me. One with wings and things. Not sure what the deal with that was but apparently there can be more than one of you in here”

”It was you from that time with the rabbids when the mega bug mind controlled you, so maybe it was really just that bug looking like it did when it was at its strongest. Though I guess Mario did kill that bug so, um, more time travel?” Jr scratched his head, not entirely sure if he was right ”maybe, I guess, well, the Consuls are servants of Galeem and they’ve had time powers so far so, maybe Galeem also ate all of time as well as space? Which is, you know, kinda scary”

And wasn’t that some fun information to mull over over breakfast.

The Koopa Troop

wordcount: 9168 (+10)
Bowser: Level 12 EXP: ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// (232/120)
Bowser Jr: Level 12 EXP: /////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// (103/120)
Kamek: Level 12 EXP: //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// (107/120)
Rika: Level 8 EXP: /////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// (29/80)


Ganondorf: Level 5 EXP:
///////////////////////////////////////////////// (11/50)

Location: The Under - Pizza Tower


”We have to work for our breakfast? What do you think I am, some kind of, I dunno, a person who does that, I guess?” Bowser asked, his brain floundering even more than usual due to the lack of nutrition. Sleeping had at least rubbed away a lot of the raw fatigue from last night, and unlike some, the Troop had a deep, mostly dreamless sleep.

Rika was the only one who had had any issues, and hers had been entirely natural nightmares about the event that had just occurred, ones that an instinctual unconscious hug from her new dad had soothed away without further incident.

Now they were up, awake, and ready for breakfast, which was something they did not have. Fortunately, the tower hosted a large number of food themed levels from which they could scavenge the necessary ingredients to make a fine feast for both today and several tommorows.

”Mmmm, I’m thinking pork. Dunno why but i’ve had a real craving for it since last night” Bowser said, licking his lips at the thought, before glancing to the side for some validation ”Sound’s good right? Nothing else here beats it!”

”I do not… yes sire” Kamek agreed rather than trying to push the issue of his herbivorous diet, and simply hoped someone else would pick up the slack.

”I mean it does but juuuuuuust pork? On all the pizza? We should get some variety in our diets, right Kamek?” Jr piped up, which got a slightly suspicious ”Yes… I do often have to remind you of that” from the mage in question.

”I wanna try everything, maybe we should split up more and…” Rika began to suggest, before petering out as she and the rest of them were all struck with worry about what might befall the others if they did so. Rather vivid worries, ones that caused them to all collectively agree that going just two ways was plenty.

”Try to stick together troops! We don’t know what’s going to be in there other than, mmmf, oh so much delicious food” the king started to warn the rest of the team before he wound up salivating at the thought of strings of sausages and glazed hams.

"Hahaha!" Laughed Ganondorf as he emerged from the corner of the room he had sequestered himself in last night. He’d overheard a bit of the conversation and found it rather amusing, "What’s wrong, Bowser? Feeling a little short on minions, are we?" But the closer he came to the group the quicker they would all notice that something was… different about him. Most notably it looked like his cape had become split into two down the middle, resulting in it now fluttering in opposite directions behind him. But a closer look would make it apparent that that was far from the only change. Obviously he had fused with one of the Spirits he had brought to the tower with him during the night.



Ganondorf offered a mocking grin, which with his new appearance did actually look fairly spooky, ”I can still summon some of my own servants. Are you… not able to do the same?”

Then king bared his teeth at the king, but before he could give a growling retort Kamek casually stepped forwards and waved his wand, causing a small horde of dry bones to rise from the ground around them as a simple demonstration that some of the king’s forces were still on hand.

The act also gave Bowser the time he needed for his brain to grind out a response to the taunt.

”If you have any minions to speak of, guess you’ve improved a bit since we last worked together. We used my guys, ROB’s bots, and the tattoo guy’s subspace army, while you didn’t contribute a single mook. Which put you on the same level as Wario of all people” Bowser retorted bitingly, before tacking on ”Or, wasn’t this a weird time thing? Where you haven't done that yet? So maybe that means you’ll get worse” with a toothy grin

”Probably drove them all away by being a jerk” Jr chipped in, projecting from one of his own experiences with that added jab, before addressing the source of his new fusion with ”and a weenie who couldn’t escape the city without taking lives, just like F wanted”

Ganondorf’s expression remained unchanged. They’re retorts came across as weak at best. But when the Majikoopa summoned the group of dry bones, he offered them a slow clap. ”Alright, alright, so perhaps I misjudged you.” he said, his tone not sounding entirely genuine. Oh he still had a rebuttal of his own in mind, but decided to let actions speak louder than words.

All of a sudden the Gerudo inhaled sharply and without warning let out a gout of purple flames from his mouth. The flames covered a modest distance, enough for him to envelop the dry bones by sweeping his breath attack from left to right. As he recalled those creatures were quite brittle and easily shattered. The breath attack would do little to the Koopas, especially Bowser. But at the very least the King of Evil demonstrated that he could wipe out the dry bones in a single fell swoop.

”Now allow me to show you what real footsoldiers look like.” Ganondorf said with his grin turning into a more intimidating grimace. With a snap of his fingers, he summoned his Moblin Attack Squad who appeared behind in puffs of red and black smoke. They stepped forward and thrust their spears forward as if in a military phalanx. Unlike the dry bones, the moblins were just short of being human-sized. Which meant they were bigger, and a bit heartier as well. What they lacked in intellect, they up for in numbers and obedience.

The troop had backed up while giving shouts that were along the gist of “what’s the big idea!” when the flame burst happened, and though they were fine, the dry bones had been reduced to piles of bones. Piles of bones that then proceed to get back up, bits and pieces floating up and reassembling themselves to the tune of a xylophone, as that was very much what dry bones do.

Of course, when squaring up against the spear armed moblins, they were still sorely lacking in height, being about half that of a regular human, and in reach due to having no weapons but beak and claw.

There were, however, dozens of them staring down the moblins with their yellow glowing eyes.

”Let’s put that to the test, shall we?” Kamek inquired, before pointing a finger forward and sending the undead horde marching forwards towards the moblins.

”Gladly.” retorted the King of Evil, gesturing for his own soldiers to advance.

The two sides advanced towards each other, but the moblins were first to stop, raising their spears and jabbing forwards at the shorter dry bones. The actual points of their spears did very little, but most managed to physically poke a skull off of one of their foes, decapitating them in one or two blows.

Yet there were still more coming, and the dead kept on rising back up, so while the moblins did not come to any harm, they did have to start backing up and up towards their king, scoring dozens of ‘kills’ each but making no actual progress. Rather than be pressed up against their leader, they broke ranks and began skirmishing instead, resulting in the 5 running around the lobby being chased by individual packs of dry bones.

The whole thing was, it had to be said, very inconclusive, though that did not stop the koopas from egging their bony minions on and groaning whenever a seemingly cornered moblin snuck away at the last moment.

After about a minute of this, Rika worked up the social energy to cough and say ”So uh, this is fun and all, but maybe we could leave the war games till after food? Please?”

”Fine.” Ganondorf replied, not bothering to argue back. He was, after all, just as hungry as everyone else. And so with another snap of his fingers the Moblin Spearmen vanished in a puff of shadowy smoke.

”Ah, yes, good point young mistress” Kamek agreed, while Bowser grunted with accent

”Oh, right, yeah, so we were gonna go do a different one so, uh, we’ll see you” Jr said as he started to step away, giving Rika’s sleeve a tug to get her to come along.

”Yeah we were gonna do-” Rika began to say, only to be very unsubtly sh-sh-shhhh’ed by jr which left Kamek for one very suspicious.

”Yes, for the variety. That said, I do think it would be best if you teamed up with another person for this one, just to keep you, and them, safe” Kamek suggested, partially out of actual concern, partially to try and guide them away from poor dietary choices.

”But-” Jr started to retort, only to sigh and accent when his papa agreed that would be a good idea.

An, a little disheartened, Jr and a clueless as to what that was all about till her new brother filled her in on it Rika were soon off, leaving the kings and the mage alone together.

”Well, don’t you have somewhere to be? We’ve got pork to get” Bowser grunted at the Gerudo after a few moments.

”I’m going in there to get pork, myself.” Ganondorf grunted back and then added, ”Feel free to follow me if that’s what you want.” And then the Gerudo strode off towards the door.

”Wah, hey, gah! Fine! You better not slow us down!” Bowser retorted, poorly, before stomping after him with Kamek in tow.




The gateway to pig city lay open before them, revealing a city street that had perhaps seen better days. Two to five story apartment buildings lined the streets, all of them looking rather run down with decaying brickwork marred with talentless graffiti, sporting the odd boarded up window and doors locked tight against intruders.

The street was hardly better pockmarked with potholes, faded (and often incoherent) road markings, and dotted with the odd burnt out car or truck, making it rather inconceivable that it was actually capable of being used.

The only things in any good repair were a few glass fronted stores, sporting within them the advertised pork products stored in thankfully hygienic conditions.

Beyond, there seemed to be other streets, other buildings, as far as the eye could see, giving the impression of a far larger city surrounding them. Impression being the key word, as closer inspection revealed the further away of these to be either wooden cutouts or painted onto the wall of the large room they were actually in.

”Wow, this dump has seen better days” Bowser said, as he stepped inside, before commenting ”but hey, impressive they fit an entire city in here” entirely fooled by the facade.

”Hmph, this room is supposed to produce food? Ridiculous.” commented Ganondorf with an incredulous tone.

Once they were all inside, a door suddenly slammed shut behind them, and when inspected or challenged, revealed no discernible manner to open it. They didn’t have much time to look into it, however, as almost as soon as the back door slammed shut, the doors to the buildings slammed open, and the residents of the not-city, blocky porcine creatures namedpiglin, came to introduce themselves.

Given the gold baseball bats, kitchen knives, frying pans, sledge hammers, chains and other improvised weapons in their hands they were not here to give a polite greeting. Instead the mobs began forming into an actual mob arrayed against the invading villains.

”Wow, hey, we’re just here to do some shopping, so if you’d just move out the way no one needs to get squashed” Bowser tried to calm the situation down for a moment, only for the response to be a feral chorus of squeals and oinks of mindless aggression.

”I’m pretty sure we’re looking at the source of the pork for this tower.” Ganondorf said grimly. Certainly a gruesome way to keep a stockpile of pork, but, seeing as how there were no other pigs in sight…

The sound picked up as the mob congealed into a formidable mass, one that at some unknown signal suddenly surged forwards, the mob revealing themselves to be less of a mass of angry individuals and far more of a horde with zero self preservation instincts.

”Alright have it your way! Bring it swine!”

Ganondorf just shook his head, still appearing incredulous to the idea of this silly tower. But nevertheless he drew both of his swords from their respective scabbards, ”Then so be it.”



Before anything else Ganondorf decided to kick things off with another Violet Flare. As he had done in the previous room, Ganondorf let loose a purple-colored fire breath attack. The flames spewed forth and certainly damaged a few of the piglins in the horde. But it was still a horde, and quite a sizable one at that. So the fire breath alone wasn’t much in the grand scheme of things. So after that the Gerudo brandished his swords and got to hacking and slashing away at the piglins as they approached. Each swing of his blades caused them to become coated in dark magic that appeared to slowly increase the more Ganondorf attacked, ”Well don’t just stand there you big lizards, start pulling your weight!” he shouted to the nearby Koopa Troop.

”Don’t give me orders! Also I’ll pull twice as much weight as you, just you watch!” Bowser shouted back, before unleashing his own flame breath, orange flames washing though the piggy horde scorching and igniting those caught in its path. Then he stomped forwards, driving a fist into the snout of a pig-faced foe to establish dominance, and then slashing mecha mit claws through the guts of two more before he really laid into the rest of them.

Together both flame waves made bacon of the front runners, but there were plenty more where they came from. Plus, though they were in a dead end of a street, there was still plenty of space for flanking, with piglins running along the sidewalk and then rushing inwards to the center of the road where the kings were making their stand.

And it was just the kings making a stand, because Kamek was already airborne and getting a bird’s eye view of the mob mob as it naturally flowed through the street to wash against the pair of hard headed rocks below. Yet he also saw that the horde had a limit, one he estimated was based on which houses could and could not have heard the door slamming shut.

”There’s a limit to these sire, so keep fighting and we’ll get a respite!” he called out, before swooping over the feral hogs and dropping dark mines within their midst, blowing handfuls of them skywards in shadowy explosions with each spellcast.

”Time to unleash some reinforcements.” declared the Gerudo, briefly stopping his attacks. In a swift motion he thrust the blade of one of his swords into the floor and then summoned his moblin squad with a snap of his fingers. Five moblin archers emerged from the puff of smoke. Armed with bows, they loosed volleys of fire arrows into the oncoming horde. Ganondorf then picked his sword back up and returned to the fray.

”Keep your distance!” he ordered his archers, ”If the horde advances, then fall back. Don’t advance unless we start pushing them back!” It was an interestingly cautious tactic to go with. Not something most people would expect from the King of Evil. But Ganondorf had had his share of experience in commanding armies. He’d previously led a successful campaign against the Kingdom of Hyrule, after all.

As he continued to cut a swathe into the horde, the building dark energy around his blades continued to grow. With each swing that dark power grew, further increasing the power of the weapons. It was like watching a melon-sized snowball roll down a hill until it gradually grew into the size of a mighty boulder. And then, when it seemed like his dark power couldn’t grow any more, Ganondorf decided it was time to unleash it. With his great strength he slammed both swords into the ground. Then he raised his fist above his head, and even began to slowly levitate upwards. He charged red and black magical energy in his hand while purple rings of ancient Hylian runes circled on the ground below him. ”DIE!” roared the Gerudo with a mighty shout. The King of Evil came crashing back down onto the circle of runes, slamming the energy in his hand into it and unleashed an omnidirectional wave of explosive dark energy around him and blasting all the piglins with a 15-20 meter radius with an inferno of darkness.

And just like that, the dark power that had been building up in his weapons was gone. Ganondorf pulled them up out of the ground and continued his previous hacking and slashing. All the while the swords appeared to begin building energy within them all over again.

There wasn’t much left to hack, the hyrule warrior having decimated the vast majority of the mob that was still to come at them using his explosive attack.. After that, the remaining piglins ahead fell rather easily to his hacking and slashing.

That still left the flanking ones, and while Bowser kept the ones on the left side of the street occupied, the ones on the right pushed back the moblins who quickly found they had no where to go, as the way back was barred by the closed door to the stage, and the other two directions occupied by the two indiscriminately swinging kings.

Before they got overrun however, familiar bones rose up out of the ground between them and the piglins, as Kamek summoned a horde of dry bones to shore up their flanks. As with the time they had fought the spear wielding moblins, the undead did not achieve much on their own damage wise, but they act like a tarpit for the piglins who got bogged down trying to beat down the perpetually regenerating nuisances.

As the pigs squealed and hacked at the dead, the moblins opened fire, launching arrow after arrow over the shorter dry bones, the combo of minions rather effectively cutting down the foes in a way neither could have achieved on their own.

Soon after, the opening brawl came to an end, the last of the street’s piglins falling to the ground and crumpling to ash, leaving a plethora of spirits behind in their wake.

”I’ll gather those up for later, I don’t expect much of use will come of it, but perhaps we will be showered with gold for our efforts” Kamek said, as he directed some toadies to start scooping up the spirits for him ”Though given the shear number we’ll be acquiring, we may need to acquire some kind of … shopping trolly? Or something of the sort. I do not believe they will be compatible with the pizza boxes”

”You’ll figure something out” Bowser replied, in a strange combination of reassurance and order, before giving an impressed whistle at the tole that had been wrought, not by Ganondorf, but by the minion team up, telling them ”Nice job mooks”

Ganondorf gave a wave of his sword and commanded the Moblins to go ahead and assist with the spirit gathering. After returning the weapons to the scabbards he glanced in Bowser’s direction, ”So what now? I don’t see a scrap of food anywhere.” He said, taking a moment to crack his neck a bit. This had better not turn out to be a waste of time, or he was not going to be happy at all. Not that he was ever all that happy to start with, but still.

”What, you've never seen a deli before?” he asked as he directed a finger a fair ways up the street towards a glass windowed store. What was inside was unclear from a distance, but the eclectic nature of the koopa’s world meant he could both live in a castle and know what a deli looked like.

”Well then they’d better use the same currency that the City of Tears did.” Ganondorf grunted, ”Because I’m not leaving here until I get what I came for.” the King of Evil added, ominously.

”You’ve got that right at least, so let’s go check it out” he declared, as he started to stomp up the road, which proved to be a basic gauntlet of jumping over cars, navigating around thrash, avoiding falling down manholes, and the odd place where the road had been swallowed up by a sinkhole. The odd pack of pilglins tried to take them on while they did this but these smaller groups were of little concern.

Kamek hovered above the mini platform challenge, while Bowser took to criticizing it as he waltzed on through, it being ”Nothing compared to some of the stuff I’ve come up with”

And then there was Ganondorf, who largely just walked through the challenge. Literally. He just sidestepped the manholes and sinkholes. And any car that was in his way, the Gerudo would use his massive strength to literally shove them aside and out of his path. ”You call this a challenge? Where are the locked and barred doors? The block and switch puzzles? Or any puzzles for that matter?”

Once they finally arrived, the store did indeed prove to be as well kept as it had from a distance, with its windows filled with rows and rows of sausages. Just regular sausages oddly enough, no ham, bacon or pepperoni though there was still a nice selection of everything from burtwasts to hotdogs.

”Oddly specialized, but I suppose we’ll take it?” Kamek asked, glancing at his king for confirmation and finding the turtle visibly drooling at the sight.

”I’ll take that as a yes then” Kamek sighed, before going and trying the door, only for it to rattle a few times as he did. Confused, he hovered up to human head height to look inside to see if something was jamming it, only to instead see a little closed sign sitting in the window of said door. Below that there was also a list of opening times which did not include early mornings.

”I do believe it is shut until mid morning” he calmly informed the pair of royals, which caused Bowser to throw his arms up in frustration at the news.

”Oh, don’t throw a tantrum.” sniped Ganondorf, ”As if a simple locked door is going to keep ME out.” he grabbed the handle of the door and yanked it with some extra strength. Assuming there weren’t any enchantments or the like he could rip the door right off its hinges with minimal effort.

He did indeed, the door falling ever so easily to his might, opening the way to the sausage fest within.

It also set off the intruder alarm.

”Tsk tsk, now look what you’ve done. Now they’ll think we’re here to steal from them” Kamek chided the king of evil over the ringing bell, before floating into the building and giving a brief inspection.

”Would you have preferred we wait around for it to open?” Ganondorf offered as a retort. Sure, maybe Kamek had that kind of patience, but Bowser? Not likely.

”It looks clear” he informed them before adding ”and also a fair bit bigger on the inside too”

Indeed, while the front of the store made it out to be simply a little deli, the actual inside of it turned out to be more of a sausage warehouse, the back wall of it simply missing and instead leading to a filled up with 20 long rows of a dozen or so shelving units each worth of pig meat.

”You know, I don’t think this is a store at all? I’m not sure if it's a clever or utterly foolish disguise however” the mage noted as he waved his wand, and sent forth some minions to collect armfuls of pork to stuff into pizza boxes, which were themselves then slotted into the bag of infinite pizza holding.

Bowser meanwhile stomped on in and immediately started helping himself to the display pieces, pausing only to announce ”Mmmf, this is good stuff”.

Ganondorf wasn’t quite that reckless. After walking in he inspected the meat. Making sure none of it was spoiled or rotten. He had no desire to eat a breakfast that would just make him sick.

Sadly, the break in breakfast was interrupted when the alarm, naturally, attacked another horde. Fortunately, the front of the fake store made for an excellent chokepoint to funnel said mob through, which allowed the royals to effortlessly take care of business with alternating flame breath attacks.

”Ha, is that all you’ve got!” Bowser taunted, and in doing so tempting fate.

”Hmph, pathetic! Ganonorf concurred.

Unheard over the tail end slaughter at the front there came a few quiet whistlings and thunks, followed by a much more audible cry of ”Ah! My arm!” from Kamek.

Bowser immediately turned and rushed into the back, meeting the retreating mage, who had an arrow sticking out of his limb, half way.

”Above sire!” He warned, prompting the king to look up, and see the source of his avisor’s pain. Standing upon several metal catwalks overlooking the warehouse were more piglins, who had slipped in via the windows lighting it, having presumably climbed up various fire escapes. These weren't the same as the mob outside however. Instead the half a dozen foes wore golden armor, and were armed with wooden crossbows with which they had picked off Kamek’s sausage transporting minions, and then nearly skewered the mage himself.

Thinking quickly, Ganondorf snapped his fingers and re-summoned the Moblin Archers. He ordered to open fire on the piglin marksman perched above. But another sound got his attention before he could do anything else.

They weren't alone either. A roller shutter at the back of the warehouse had rolled open, and though it stepped six bigger, meaner, tougher and battle ax armed piglin piglin brutes. In their midst was also a larger boar, who was smoking a cigar, had several butcher’s knives hanging from his belt, and was armed with a flamethrower.

Uncle butters, who had come to respond to the alarm at his ‘store’ jabbed a finger forwards and squealed a command to attack, sending the goons of the organized swine syndicate who ran this down charging forwards or snap firing crossbow bolts at the royal intruders, while he himself stomped forwards, ready to roast some fresh meat to replace that which Bowser had noshed on.

Ganondorf dived to the side to avoid being shot by crossbow bolts. He quickly drew the white sword from its scabbard, while his other hand went for his newly acquired Ikana Shield. The Gerudo had surmised that a more defensive fighting style was called for against foes firing projectiles at him. And he wasn’t wrong either, the shield made it easier to block and deflect incoming crossbow bolts while the Gerudo himself charged forward to meet the incoming piglin brutes head on.

For Ganondorf his tactic was all about giving and taking. He’d keep his shield up long enough for it to block some incoming attacks, and then the King of Evil would quickly retaliate with a wide-reaching spin attack of his own. He wasn’t too fond of overly defensive fighting styles like this, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t willing to utilize it when necessary.

The brutes meanwhile were all attack attack attack, berzerkers to the last. The lack of immediate tactics and the shelving units let the king’s tactic work perfectly for a few moments, the first brute hammering on the shield till it got winded, and then got a sword to the gut.

Unfortunately, the sheer number of opponents meant that flanking inevitably happened, with two brutes charging down the row of shelves on either side of the king before coming smashing straight through them. Splinters and sausages went flying as they shattered the shelves with singular ax blows, before proceeding to lunge through the wreckage they’d created right as a third brute came charging in from the front.

Ganondorf almost rolled his eyes. Such a simplistic and rudimentary tactic these brutes were going for. But he knew exactly how to defend against it. All it required was for him to mimic one of the favored techniques of his most hated enemy. The Gerudo held his sword out and spun his body around in order to attack with a circular spin slash that kept the charging brutes from crashing into him. Then he jumped backwards. Two of the brutes had charged from the sides, the third from the front. So that left the rear as the only remaining place Ganondorf could fall back to.

Ganondorf then snapped his fingers to summon one of his Strikers. The gelatinous embryo Blastocyst appeared directly in front of him and immediately jumped straight up. Then the three charging piglin brutes crashed into Ganondorf’s shield, after which he used his monstrous strength to knock them all back a few feet just in time for the Striker Spirit to come crashing down on top of them. It also consequently released its acidic bloody tear projectiles in all four cardinal and ordinal directions, just in case any of the brutes managed to dodge out of the way. After that the spirit vanished.

Meanwhile the crossbow bolt wielding ones tried to use their elevated positions around the room to try and shoot him from multiple angles which would have been quite nasty had they not started taking fire of their own.

”If you're going to be cowards fighting from up there, then I’m gonna come get you instead!” Bowser roared as he leapt up onto a shelving unit, cracking it under his weight before he leapt the rest of the way up to the catwalks. These two, ground under his feet, but it was the ones on the opposite side that the king started his assault by blasting with an indiscriminate broadside of cannonfire that were the first to fall, taking a few of the snipers with it.

The rest either turned their fire on the koopa king, which the scaly brute either toughed out or blocked with his dinky energy shield, while those up close drew golden swords to meet him in melee. The first one getting kinetic strike module punched clear out of the building was a pretty good indicator of how that would go.

”Ha! At least make it a challenge for me!” Ganondorf gloated, so far finding no real challenge in any of these foes.

Just as Gandorf finished dealing with the trio, the last two came at him, only for one to be engulfed in flame as it got caught in uncle butters’s opening attack, the blaze of his flamethrower igniting shelving as well as he tried to roast the king of evil’s bacon.

With a smirk, Ganondorf put up his shield in order to block the incoming flames. When that attack finally subsided he hurled the shield like a frisbee at the last remaining brute. The shield’s sharp square corner lodged into the piglin brute’s head and took him out on the spot. Of course, that left the Gerudo without a shield. When uncle butters tried firing more flames at him, the King of Evil responded by spewing out his Violet Flare, breathing his purple flames to clash with the flames of uncle butters’s flamethrower weapon. This created a brief cloud of smoke obscuring vision in the area.

Perfect, Ganondorf thought. He snapped his fingers and summoned his newest Striker:



The cyborg velociraptor, Riptor, appeared and sprinted through the cover of smoke. She ran at uncle butters with a Shoulder Charge, blowing into the coughing hog and, though the burly boar was not struck down, he did lose grip on his weapon. It was all the opening Ganondorf needed to come charging through the smoke as well and impale the hog on his white sword.

The blade went clean through his chest, out the other end … and right through the gas tank at his back as well. Gas hissed as the dying hog weakly tried to beat his killer with his bare hands while his life blood drained into his own guts. Despite being rammed, impaled, and now dying, the hog had never let go of his cigar, and instead sucked deep on it, flaring the lit end before the king’s eye.

A perfect match for the leaking gas.

Ganondorf wasn’t about to let this swine take him with him. He tightened his grip on the white sword’s hilt and spun around. In this motion he was able to fling the body of uncle butters from his blade. The burly boar still exploded, but at least it was far enough away to only temporarily knock Ganondorf off his feet rather than engulf him in flames.

Up above Bowser finished off beating the snot out of the last armored piglin, before he glanced down and noticed where all the smoke was coming from and cried out ”Gah the sausages they’re burning!” as he saw the flaming mess that was the warehouse floor.

”Ganondorf what have you done!” he furiously shouted at the other king, falsely accusing him of the mess that uncle butters had left his own establishment in.

”I’m winning this battle you pigheaded turtle!” Ganondorf furiously shouted back as he grabbed Uncle Butters’s spirit, ”THEY set this fire, not me!”

”It’s not just this bit that is on fire!” Kamek warned as he and a white mage clone he had used to heal himself floated into the back, only for the mage to cry out in alarm and dodge to the side as a molotov cocktail came flying through the air and nailed the doppelganger.

The piglin mob had apparently upped their game.

”May I suggest we head out the way those other pigs came in?” he suggested with forced casualness as his copy burned to death, and then drifted up to do just that, leaving behind a blazing storefront. The mage exited via a window, followed shortly by Bowser who’s steel capped boots slammed down onto the concrete of some back alleyway.

Ganondorf leapt through the window, but not before he ran by and snatched up his Ikana Shield from the head of the piglin brute he’d thrown it at earlier.

”We still got some right? Tell me we didn’t just lose all the sausages to the fire” Bowser asked his advisor once they regrouped a little ways away from the burning building, voice full of concern .

”Yes sire” the mage confirmed, before sniping ”Also I am fine, thank you for asking”

”Yeah, obviously. I knew you could handle yourself” the king replied with out of left field praise that left Kamek blinking in surprise.

”Ah yes. Well. Shall we try and find a way out now?”

”Are you kidding? There’s got to be like, a bunch more of these stores we gotta hit!” Bowser declared, which got a groan from the mage,

”To what end? demanded the King of Evil, ”They all have the same pork, don’t they?”

”He does have a point” Kamek found himself agreeing despite himself, resulting in the koopa king giving them a gobsmacked ”Whaaaat?” before he went off that ”But we don’t even have pepperoni!” which had, for some reason, not been in with the rest of the sausages, possibly due to it needing spices ”Or bacon, or ham, or salami!” again, apparently more specialized than the regular sausage storage would hold.

”are you really telling me there’s no difference between those? You must be crazy. The trolls will for sure know, they have got to have taste he demanded to know, before he suddenly grinned and taunted the other king with ”or are you at your limit and want to tap out huh?” in what he thought was a very clever ruse.

”Ugh, fine. If it’ll shut you up, let’s go to another store then.” Ganondorf responded with a facepalm and roll of his eyes. Honestly Bowser could be such a child.

The koopa did not exactly do anything to dissuade that notion with his fistpump and ”yes!” of victory, then he pointed in a random direction and commanded them all to move ”Onwards!”

After that, and with a fair bit of air based scouting from Kamek to reduce the random wanderings, the trio became a 3 person crime spree on the city, hitting store after store without to much issue, having learned how to deal with the assorted piglin types and their flamethrower totting uncles. After a while, even Bowser found the motivation of new types of pork to cease being enough of a motivation to keep it up, and they started to look for a way to unlock the front door.

The obvious option was the only other nice building in town, which rather than being just a clean shop, was made of shining marble, complea with red tiled domes and a whole courtyard of tropical plants out front. The governor's palace certainly did stick out like a sore thumb, and had some tight security to boot, but it was nothing that they hadn’t seen before. Golden guards fell before them, the front gates were breached, and they entered the front door with only a few scratches to show for the defender’s efforts.

The insides were full of decorations depicting some pizza faced guy, a real monument of ego, but otherwise turned up little of note till they entered a random back room and found it contained a sentient pillar.

“Hey. Here to kill this part of me I take it?” it asked them with very little concern one way or the other on the matter.

”Well aren’t you a pleasant ray of sunshine.” Ganondorf scoffed, ”All we want is to unlock the exit.” he added with a shrug. He had no clue if killing the pillar was required or not. But if they could unlock the exit without wasting time with another battle, then all the better. ”I don’t suppose we can do that without killing you, can we?”

“Fraid not. If it makes you feel any better, pizza face’s made me into a horrible hive mind so it doesn’t really matter to me one way or the other” the pillar, who could not be bothered introducing himself as Pillar John, explained apathetically “I mean pizza face will be mad but that’s your problem, not mine”

Ganondorf gave an exasperated sigh. Terrific. Even when he did try to spare someone, it turned out to be impossible. Of course. Approached the pillar while shaking his head and… struck it with a Warlock Punch.

Despite his impressive size, the strike caused the pillar to fly through the air and smash through a window before vanishing from sight. Any question as to if that had done it or not was put to rest when the clocks in the palace, and there had been a lot of them, all done up to look like pizza face’s face, all rung once, and then had their dials spin around rapidly till they all showed four minutes to midnight.

Then they started counting down.



”I do believe-” Kamek began to say, only to be drowned out by the sound of police sirens rapidly closing in on their location. After a few wasted seconds he corrected himself and said ”I do believe that is our cue to get out of here”

”Good effort, that guy was just weird” Bowser told Ganondorf with a pat on the shoulder, before he turned and started to stomp back towards the exit, stopping only to punch one of the clocks in the face.

Ganondorf followed suit, turning and beginning to sprint back in the same direction the koopas were going. That exit had better have been unlocked. Otherwise he had no idea how else they were gonna get back to the lobby.

As it turned out, it was pigs. Pigs that were also pigs.

The wailing sirens had all congealed outside of the palace, and the flashing blue and red lights of the vehicles producing it reflected off of its pure white walls. Trying to drown out said sirens was a mass of muscle in an ill fitting police uniform squealing into a megaphone from behind a row of cop cars. Whether the pig of the LARD was demanding they came out with their hands up in pig, or was just going through the motions was unclear, but given that the reaction to anyone sticking their head out to take a look was for the rest of the pigs to try and fill them full of (thankfully slow moving) pellets from their double barreled shotguns it was clear that there would be no arrests today, if there ever where.

”This place has cops? But we already robbed a whole load of small shops, where were they when that happened?” Bowser shouted over the top of all the noise the pigs blocking them into the palace were making, while time on the clocks all around them tick, tick, ticked away.

As it turned out he got his answer when a set of portals shaped like John’s face opened inside the building, and deposited a pair of pigs on either side of them.

”Bah! We don’t have time for this! Forget the pigs, just go for the exit!” Ganondorf barked before he took off in another run. The somewhat slow projectiles weren’t too hard to avoid. And even if they couldn’t be, Ganondorf kept the Ikana Shield out so he could use it to block any shots he was too slow to dodge. True to his suggestion, Ganondorf simply tried ignoring the pigs. If they stuck around to fight them all they’d likely run out of time.

Ganondorf instead focused on retreating and getting to that exit. He did at one point summon Phantom Ganon and had him ride straight into the pursuing pigs to serve as a temporary distraction for them so he could try to put some distance between them and the Seekers.

He had to physically punch his way through one of the walls surrounding the palace while the pigs were distracted by his phantom to do so, but that was no issue. What was was when he knocked said wall down it revealed that the piglin and boar’s liberal use of flaming weapons in their rundown tightly packed city had had a few adverse effects.

Namely the entire place was now on fire.

”Well, that’s bad” Bowser unnecessarily commented when Kamek and him caught up, the pair having fallen a touch behind due having to take down the two portaled in pigs who would otherwise have been right on their tails.

”We’ll just have to deal with it” Kamek replied, and then the three of them went racing out of the frying pan and into the fire.

Despite the city currently burning down around them, the LARD still endeavor to hunt the fugitives, heavy 4x4 police cars doing their level best to navigate the terrible twisting roads, while above a few helicopters buzzed around above, shining searchlights down on them as they ran for it. Worse, the portals kept opening, depositing fresh pigs, piglin and boars in his way as the clocks in every single home he was in ticked down, many stubbornly continuing to do so despite being engulfed in the inferno.

While Ganondorf wasn’t keen on wasting his time fighting all the pigs, that didn’t mean he was completely unwilling to fight. Once they were running through the street, the Gerudo switched to wielding both his swords so he could efficiently cut his way past any pigs that appeared in his path. This would also allow the swords to gradually charge up their Dark Meter in case Ganondorf needed to use the explosion attack again during the pursuit.

”This… is getting… IRRITATING!” he shouted with frustration when he had to take down yet another pig that appeared in his way, ”I don’t know what the hell pizza is, but it damn well better worth all this trouble we’re going through!” After that he paused and summoned the five moblins. As he had done with Phantom Ganon earlier, they could go back and engage the pigs to serve as a distraction.

”Wait, you don’t?” Bowser gasped, pausing in the middle of ripping the door of one of the pursuing police cars that had tried to ram him off the road to declare ”Just you wait, it’s going to change your whole world!”

”I don’t know about that. We’re running out of time!” Kamek commented as he blasted another pig before he could take a shot at them, the mage very much slowing his pace to keep pace with the two mighty glacier’s own.

”Well we’re running as fast as we can! What else are we supposed to do!?” the king asked as he pulled the car’s driver out of the vehicle and punched his face into pulp.

”Note to self: Get a horse!” Ganondorf muttered to himself as he had to pause and use his strength to flip an entire car out of their path and over to the side. If he had a good warhorse he could gallop out of here in less than half the time. Something he’d have to keep in mind for the future.

He saw a trio of piglins portal in in front of them. Ganondorf rolled his eyes and charged forward, managing to slice them all aside with a single sweeping circular clash of his swords. The darkness in the blades continued to grow, but not quite enough for him to make the most use of it against the pigs. That would take a bit longer still.

”Wait wait wait, I’ve got it!” Kamek said, overhearing Ganondorf’s muttering, the comment having clicked a piece of a puzzle that made the full solution obvious ”Why get a horse when we can get a car!”

”Ok, sure, but where are we supposed to do that?” Bowser demanded to know, before following his advisor’s pointing finger to the vehicle he had just deprived of its driver ”Ohhhhhhh”

The mage swooped into the backseat, and then chanted a few bars, causing the already oversized vehicle to scale up even more, becoming suitably Bowser sized, and hogging most of the road in the process.

”Gahahahaha, now this is more like it! Running is for chumps anyway” the king declared as he honked the horn a few times and then demanded that Ganondorf ”get in, we’re blowing this joint!”

”Huh…” he said in a perplexed tone. He didn’t complain though, he just jumped up into the vehicle, ”Color me surprised, Bowser, turns out you’re good for something after all.” the Gerudo complimented in the most backhanded way imaginable. He turned himself around and decided to use his Violet Flare as a ranged attack to try and fend off pursuers. It sort of worked, but it was here that Ganondorf discovered the inconvenient nature of his purple flames. They damaged enemies, but they didn’t set any objects or terrain on fire. Oh well, it was better than just sitting there and doing nothing.

He got to have a bit of fun when the odd daring pig patrol car got close to try and board their monster of a machine, or something was portaled ontop of it, but for the most part the passengers main concern was surviving Bowser’s aggressive driving across the not at all smooth roadway. That said, be it potholes, pigs or other cars, all fell beneath the souped up police car, and the trio covered about twice the distance they had on foot in almost half the time, turning what had looked to be a doomed race to the finish line into a certain thing.

”and that” Bowser declared as he pumped the brakes and parked them in front of the exit with 30 seconds to spare ”is how you do it the smart way!” seemingly claiming credit for the whole thing before he instead told Kamek ”good thinking”

”Thank you sire” the mage nodded as he floated out of the car, which rapidly shrunk down after he stopped channeling the enlargement spell.

”Hmph, yes, great, now let’s leave this stupid pig city already.” Ganondorf added with a bit of impatience.

Not wanting to tempt fate, the trio wasted no time in stepping through the exit door, and got handed an A for their efforts, having absolutely demolished the town’s population where the other royal team had bypassed a lot of the obstacles in their path (and jr had got hit a lot).

”Hey nice. Can't do any better than that right?” Bowser incorrectly declared, unaware of S and P ranks.

”As long as we got the food, I don’t really care how we were graded for it.” Ganondorf said with a shrug, ”But did you really expect anything less of the two of us?”

That earned him a laugh and a friendly slap on the back from Bowser ”You got that right. Those pigs are never going to forget the day we came to town!”

”We came, we saw, we conquered.”

Bowser’s second statement was rendered rather incorrect as the stage reset behind them. But that didn’t matter, what did was that they had a whole load of ham and a new dish to introduce Ganondorf to.

Hopefully one that some of the others had decided to get the essentials of cheese and sauce for, Kamek thought, as it turned out they only had pork, fruit, and sweets at the moment.
Beneath the Mask V

Location:The City of Glass - Vandelay Campus
Attendees: Susie, Raz, Goldlewis, Zenkichi, Roxas, Midna, Karin
Viewers: Blazermate, Tora, Giovanna, Geralt, Sakura, Pit, Benedict, Partitio
Word Count: 2141


Even if the candidates’ answers to the previous question did little to set the audience’s minds at ease, the show had to continue. The moderator took a sip from his drink, instantly realized he’d forgotten to shake it up again, and sighed before proceeding into the next question. This time he cleared his throat dramatically, the shadow of a curious, almost amused look on his face as he read it aloud.

“Our last question to round out the subject of the Ever Crisis, gentlemen. We’ve covered the OSF, as well as Anderson, Reunion, and redshift. Other and Chimera attacks are sudden, sporadic, and devastating if left unaddressed, but in the eyes of the public, no conflict is more high-profile than the war against the Machines. The people want to know: how do you plan to neutralize the overseers of the Machine Network, the brothers Adam and Eve, who in order to solve the riddle of humanity, have determined that conflict is what it means to be human?”

For once, Armstrong seemed to be at a momentary loss for words. “Ad…Adam and Eve? The hell?”

Shinra seemed to be drawing a similar blank. “Who in the…how do you…?”

Roland hadn’t heard any of these names either, and he was something of an intel gatherer himself. How did this moderator come across that information? Well, considering who he just embarrassed, Roland felt bad for the poor sod, as either himself or a Claw would be sent later to ‘clarify’ the situation.

Realizing this question seemed to be a big one, Raz glanced between the candidates, not too sure who would be best to probe. So he settled his focus on Shinra, hoping his being in power meant he knew more about the situation.

”I’m guessing Giovanna didn’t know about those two either?” Raz asked Goldlewis. ”She would’ve said something about them if she did, right?”

“And even more importantly, how are you going to address the man who made a deal with the Machines, who stalks the Dystopiascape in his clock-faced mobile fortress, soaking up all the life lost in this forever war to one day fuel his grand ambitions?” The moderator shuffled his papers, then offered a questioning gaze to the candidates. “The man known only as Nox?”

What is this nonsense…some kind of trick…if this was real…would have told me by now…someone keeping secrets…and those details from earlier…traitor in our midst…going to have hell to pay…must come of up with something…this angle should work…

After a few tense moments, Shinra cleared his throat. “Once DespoRHado is out of the picture and Psych-OSF, Neuron, and Vandelay Technologies are all able to face the Ever Crisis as a united front, we will be able to push our enemies back from Midgar’s doorstep and take the fight to them in the Valley of Ruin to destroy their leaders wherever they lurk.”

Annoyed at the incumbent’s quick turnaround time, Armstrong followed up quickly. “Being the only ones actually fighting the Machines all this time, DespoRHado Enforcement is the only force with the equipment and combat experience to challenge these Machine ringleaders on their own turf. You all know the saying: cut the head off the snake, and the rest will die. Our grand offensive to achieve this is already in the pipeline; the only thing that could stop DespoRHado bringing the war against the Machines to an end is the interference of the Administration, so desperate for control that they’re willing to prolong this conflict indefinitely just to make sure DespoRHado’s out of business, and the city’s defense is under their thumb.”

Though Armstrong couldn’t resist a jab, the atmosphere in the theater after that last question was one of almost unilateral confusion. Adam, Eve, Nox…none of the citizens had heard those names before, laden with critical importance though they seemed. Not even Goldlewis could claim to know, though he didn’t feel quite as bad thanks to one other realization he glommed onto. “Shinra and Armstrong ain’t heard those names before either,” he breathed, his brows as high as they could get. “Neither of ‘em–they were scramblin’ to say anythin’ at all, and probably just lyin’ through their teeth, to boot. Who are they?” As the candidates engaged in some careful back and forth, each trying to point out that the other didn’t know what he was talking about without revealing that they themselves didn’t in the process, Goldlewis’ eyes drifted to the moderator. “And more importantly…who in the hell asked that question?”

”It’s also weird that the announcer didn’t seem surprised as they were? Did they pre read these and he thought it was a joke? Is he in on whatever this is?” Midna asked, growing rather concerned, before asking what she thought was the most urgent question here, and that was ”and is that the only lizalfos they're throwing in the cucco pen, or is that a signal for something?”

With that thought in mind the princess tried to take a look around the room, away from the stage, to see if she could spot something suspicious, but with all the bright lights and people in the way, not to mention shadow level not being the best viewing angle (she was mainly listening to rather than watching the debate), she didn’t have much luck.

So she tried a different approach

”I’ll be right back”, she announced, before shadow hopping away, seeking out a better, higher, vantage point from which she could better check if anything unusual was going on. Even after tuning out the general hubbub filling the debate hall, however, she couldn’t spot anything amiss. There was nothing unusual whatsoever around the candidates’ podiums or the moderator’s desk, nor were there any signs of outside forces on the prowl.

”And there it is. Although it seems… odd that the moderator would give a question not screened beforehand. Perhaps this means far more than we even realize.” Susie said, thinking. ”Either the moderator was making this up to jab at both the constituents, or there is a third party here pulling all the strings. Perhaps that guardian we’re looking for? And from how everyone is taking it, I assume it's not the former.”

”Not just that question,” Raz added, ”Shinra’s been surprised at pretty much everything so far. Seems whoever was part of his team didn’t tell him what was gonna be asked. He thinks there’s a traitor working for him.”

More names that Roxas didn’t recognize. But unlike the name Jena Anderson, these names seemed to be a surprise for everyone. Well… everyone except for one person: the moderator who asked the question in the first place. Something about that felt off, but Roxas simply couldn’t put his finger on why. At least not until he thought about the question Goldlewis brought up. Roxas recalled someone mentioning that the questions were supposed to be submitted by the audience members, and that memory made him ask himself another question. Why would the whole audience be surprised? Surely at least one person in the audience should be showing no reaction if they were the ones who submitted the question… right?

”Hm… If Shinra thinks there is a traitor among his group and if he is wrong… that could be an ally for us possibly. An interesting development.” Susie said, noting what Raz had just said about reading Shinra’s mind. Especially considering Shinra had been the standing ruler for quite some time, even those working under him would have some juicy info.

”I…have so many questions.” Zenkichi unhelpfully commented, before seeming to settle on one. ”Why would whoever submitted that question tip their hand in such a…public-facing setting, instead of going to someone, anyone, to give them that intel privately? No, that smells like a trap. But for who? DespoRHado? Vandelay?” Or, perhaps most disturbingly, them.

Karin said nothing, though she refocused her attention on the moderator, a look on her face that was equally amused and skeptical. ”Clearly our new friend Mister Udo is not all who he seems, hmm?” She said aloud. ”Or at least, has some interesting connections. Dropping some names merely to make the debaters look silly?” Karin tisked her tongue. ”My, my, things just got much more interesting.”




This question seemed to throw everyone for a loop, dispelling a lot of the friction created by the previous one. Machine Network? Adam and Eve? Did they see anything like that while out in the Valley of Ruin? It didn't seem familiar to Pit, but then again they'd only been in the city learning about this stuff for a couple days. The bar's patrons were all confused by the question, just as if not more so than the candidates on the screen. Pit was no exception to the confusion, but when he kept thinking about it he realized there was one part of the question that wasn't totally lost on him.

"Clock...?" he said, tucking a fist under his chin in thought. "I think we might have seen that when we went after Poppi? It was huge and had legs like a spider. All the little bug robots were buzzing around it too."

”That's so weird they didn’t know about those people. I mean neither did we, but we have some place to start looking for Poppi maybe? But I don’t know how this whole politics thing works or anything. They could be like nicknames or something.” Blazermate said, looking at Tora to see what the fluff ball would do, still concerned for him.

This turn of events definitely concerned Tora more than anything else he’d heard so far. It hadn’t originally occurred to him that the Machines might even have some sort of leadership, just the vague and faceless ‘network’ appropriate for the cold, impersonal, faceless evil the robotic hordes represented. With the mention of Adam, Eve, and Nox however, the gears in his mind were turning once more. Back at the crater lake, he’d only cared about Poppi, but the giant walking clock Pit mentioned hadn’t escaped his notice either. The man who made a deal with the Machines…soaking up life. He remembered the sight of that Rust Crew soldier, restrained by the robots and drained of some vital force by those strange, almost clockwork drones. Even the disorganized Machines weren’t just mindless zombies; there was intelligence to their actions, a methodology. And now, he knew, someone pulling the strings. But what did that mean for Poppi…for him? If the Machine Network was administered by, or perhaps personified in, one or two individuals, then could they be forced to set Poppi free? Or destroyed, and their Network along with them? Why grapple uselessly against the virus when he could go straight to the source? As a road opened before him, distant and vague though it was, Tora dared to hope. But no. Even if the team knew where to begin, he’d be relying on the others one hundred percent of the way, and it would get them no closer to their goal. Why would anyone bother sticking a neck out for Tora?

“So we’ve got a target, then. That’s a start.” Geralt’s eyes narrowed as he started thinking like a Witcher, wondering how they would be best served in taking the fight to that walking clock. If there was a large body of water they could bring it to or ambush it at, he could bring out the Bastion and wreak absolute havoc on the Machine, as long as the others kept it from destroying the gun platform. “When we get back, we’ll go over what you all saw when you went after Poppi, and work on a plan. I’ve already got a couple of ideas in mind.”

Tora looked at him gratefully, close to tears.

"Yeah, okay," Pit replied to Geralt. He'd gone over it once already, and now with some hours between them and the loss maybe they could remember some more information. One could almost see the gears turning in his head as he slowly came to the same conclusion as the Witcher and Nopon.

"So if we find the robot leaders we can make them tell us how to cure Poppi's virus! Right, Tora?"

Suddenly, that flicker of hope was glowing brighter. The Nopon nodded his head emphatically. “Right! Baddybots cause problem, so baddybots can fix!”

Sakura did a bad throw, licked her lips, and stood behind Giovanna. “Sounds good to me!” Sakura added her assent.


The Koopa Troop

wordcount: 5,261 (+6)
Bowser: Level 12 EXP: ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// (222/120)
Bowser Jr: Level 12 EXP: /////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// (103/120)
Kamek: Level 12 EXP: //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// (97/120)
Rika: Level 8 EXP: /////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// (29/80)
Location: The Under - Home of Tears


The troop kept running. Climbing. Ascending. Towards the pizza tower. It was a silly sounding place, and surly, even with Purse’s warning, how bad could it be, they thought.

Well, the gabaghouls floating through the air as they got closer certainly were an early warning sign, the possessed pizza mass swooping down to try and impale them with sharpened protruding ribs or fangs. While not the most deadly of foes they, along with the other unfriendly denizens of the caverns, were slowing the troop down, and with the grinding pace they were already taking, that in and of itself might prove lethal.

It was Bowser of all people who was the main thing holding them back. Weighed down by all the extra bits and bobs fusion had shoved in his shell, the late night gauntlet after an already exhausting day had finally caused the king’s stamina to falter. His limbs burned with lactic acid, his breathing was heavy, and his pace was labored. He soldiered on, a relentless stomp stomp stomp, but it was barely above walking pace.

Kamek was only doing a little better, as both his general age and use of the enlargement spell had taken their toll atop the day’s fatigue. Had Mimi not taken over the duty of keeping their former transport enlarged, he too, would have been entirely out of it. As it was he hovered alongside his king, offering the exhausted koopa what assistance and words of encouragement would be accepted by the stubborn royal.

Meanwhile the energy of youth was keeping the two royal scions going, that and a combination of magical and mechanical assistance, with jr’s flying machine and Rika’s levitation rune letting them make the platforming a breeze, but it also left them as the ones running around smacking down the local hostels when they came to try and pick off the haggard heroes.

At least, thanks to Purse, they knew the locals were not under any kind of spell, and so there was little remorse to be had for those who attacked them of their own free will, resulting in several packs of vengeful rattling bandits and cheese slime revolutionaries falling to gunfire and good old fashioned grit.

”Urrgh, what I’d give to have the Koopa Chase right now” The king gasped, after summiting a crumbling hill of cheddar, before groaning as he looked onward towards the final climb leading to the tower, one still oh so painfully far away.

”Keep going, sire, it's not that far, and once inside, I’m sure we can barricade the entrance. Then we can rest, and presumably eat all the pizza we can manage” Kamek hovered up to his side to tell him encouragingly.

”and if we don’t keep moving we’re gonna get sunk and turned into fish food!” Rika added as she landed next to them and before she pushed forwards and leaping up into the air once more. Once at the top of her arch she fired her grappling hook down behind a pile of cheese wheels and smashing down among a series of ambushers who had been hiding behind it, filling the air with the shrieking of death delivered at the tip of her chainsaw bayonet.

While she could deal with foes ahead, none of them wanted to deal with the one behind. Unfortunately, the giant flying idol that was SAYU, and the captain of the guard, Undyne, who she was carrying in her free hand had other ideas. While up until now the pair had been spreading out their fire, bombarding heroes whenever one of them did a particularly tricky bit of platforming, they now caught onto the weakness of the troop, and began to rapidly close in on their position.

”More rain incoming!” Jr called out in warning, as he was first to track the new vector, and sure enough, as the aquatic duo proceeded to give the troop one last taste of rain, courtesy of the home of tears.

“In the name of love, we’ll punish you!” the flying idol cried out, before stabbing her usb symbol styled trident skywards, launching a beam of light into the air. What came down in stead was a flurry of bright red 2d fountain pen nibs with triangle fish tails the size of human torsos showered down like rain of arrows

“In the name of Justice, you mean!” Undyne called out, before jabbing her spear skywards in a similar motion, one that caused a shower of bright blue spears neatly contrasting the red pens to strike down as well.

”Here we go again” Jr groaned, readying his staff and starting to weave to and fro to avoid the red and green rainfall. Rika had basically no issue in avoiding the rain, the mere act of looking at projectiles heading her way slowing said shots enough for her to block them, or grappled, or boost away. Kamek’s flight meant he too could mostly avoid the shots just as well as Jr could.

The problem, ultimately, was Bowser. The king was a big slow target, and had to stick to the ground for the most part, meaning he took the brunt of the shots, which jr had to heal back up. They’d managed to endure previous probing barrages, but this time was different.

“First we’ll deal with you, then the rest! So Stop running and fight me so I can move on already!” Undyne called out, putting words to the sinking feeling in Jr’s gutt, before he found himself groaning at SAYU’s addition of “I can sea that you’re tired. Wouldn’t it be just fin to stop running and sleep with the fishes instead?”

Once over the pun the prince had a thought however, and a look at his papa’s pained and embarrassed face confirmed it: that Bowser wight well turn and fight if it meant he wouldn’t be slowing be slowing the rest of them down any more. Jr mulled this over, for but a second, and then saw the only way to stop that.

He had to do it first.

”Keep going, I’ll hold them off!” Jr called out, and then turned his flying machine around, taking to the skies.

”Wait, young master!” Kamek called out, while Bowser took one look back, and then kept going, trusting that they’d both be ok.

”I’ve got this Kamek, you don’t need to babysit me for it” the prince insisted as he rose up to the same altitude as their pursuers.

”We have this, young master” the mage retorted, as he flew at the prince’s side, the two becoming a pair of dots daring storm and titan both.

“Finally one of you shows some guts!” Undyne cheered, before beckoning them closer with her spear and commanded them to “now, come at me, if you dare!” before tilting the flow of the spear storm 90 degrees so that the pair were flying into it rather than through it, transforming the game of dodging falling rocks into a true bullet hell.



”Then look out, because here we come!” Jr called back, before putting pedal to the metal, and sending his clown car charging forward, weaving between the flying spears as he closed in.

“Wait, don’t come too close though! No tapping on the glass!” SAYU added in quite the opposite desire of Undyne, and as she was the one with control over their movements, the absurd sight of the titanic mermaid fleeing the comparatively minuscule prince graced all those who deigned to look up.

She did not do so passively however, and instead thrust her fork forwards, not to physically jab at the prince, but to instead blasted an energy beam forwards, one that the prince narrowly managed to veer to the side to avoid.

”You’ll have to do better than that to keep me away!” Jr shouted, delighted that all he had to do was fly at her to get their foe to give up ground.

“Stop running away! Fly me closer so I can hit him with my spear!” Undyne demanded

“I wasn’t made for physical interaction! ” SAYU replied, before contouring with “Besides, we’re reeling them in towards the city!”

”She’s right Jr, don’t get too far away!” Kamek called, having himself fallen behind the daring prince.

”Gahhh, fine!” jr called back in frustration, seeing the logic, and reversing his pace and falling back away, flying with the flow of the rain of arrows. He was determined to not leave empty handed however, and so left a parting gift, deploying his splatter blaster from his car and firing off a short burst of shocking goop right as SAYU switched to pursuing them again, causing her to fly straight into it.

“Ewwww! He-ey-ey-ey! Rud-u-u-u-de!” the giant mermaid complained as the electrical sparks buzzed at her lower torso, and her voice seemed to glitch out in response to the shock. She did not seem to actually be hurt though, but the prince would take her being deliberated.

He got to take that for about five seconds, before SAYU, who had failed to shake off the goop, declared “let the sea’s of change wash this away” before spinning around glowing with light that dissipated after a few moments, revealing the mermaid now wearing armor mimicking that of some of the guards, but done up with pastel hues of pink white and blue, and love heart decals “With a whole new look!”

With the shocking goop cleared away by the costume change, and Jr on the retreat again, SAYU went back on the offensive (as did Undyne, once she recovered from the nausea of being spun around).

“In this fight I’m the cute face and you're the ugly eel, so let's give you some company!” She called out as a shoal of blocky electric eels launched out from behind her and raced ahead of the prince, where they started swimming too and fro in his path of retreat, creating shocking barriers that he had to dodge around while also avoiding the other projectiles.

To make things worse, she also started summoning fish shaped pen nibs around him in a ring that would follow him for a few moments and then jab them at him all at once.

”Hey, that’s not fair, you can’t just make stuff next to me!” Jr complained before diving down to avoid being skewered from all sides, getting away with a cut on the cheek and one cat ear, as well as a trimmed ponytail

“Oooooh, are my oceanic strikes making you salty?” she retorted with a giggling laugh

”That is quite enough banter from you young lady” Kamek called back, before adding ”Now dodge this!” before he started sending a slow stream of his multicolored shape shots at the flying titan.

“You’re dougongna have to try harder than that” the mermaid replied as she effortlessly weaved from side to side to avoid the projectiles, though it did lower her focus on attacking to do so, much as Kamek had intended.

“No, he had a point, stop playing around and hold them still so I can finish them off” Undyn told her, to which SAYU replied with a huffy “Awww, but that attack’s so not on theme yet. We need to reskin it to be squids or something”

“Do it!”

“Fine fine” she conceded, before pointing one of her fingers at the prince (while still holding the trident with the rest) and thinking a moment before going “oh!” and calling out “time to get caught on the net!”

For a moment nothing happened, and then jr suddenly lurched to a halt as something grabbed his clown car. He looked over the side as he started to get hammered by spears, and found a 2d white gloved hand holding on tight.

”Hey! Get off!” he shouted at it, swatting at it with his paintbrush and knocking it away, only for it to turn into an arrow as it flow away, and then quickly shifting to a distinctive pointing finger when it caught its own flight, and started coming in to try and grab him again.

”Wait, what the heck, is that a mouse cursor?” Jr shouted in confusion as he tried to swat the thing, only for Kamek to nail it instead with a magic blast that went much faster than the ones he was using to ward off SAYU.

The prince called out thanks, and then, after a moment's thought, came upon a realization: ”Wait. The way she sorta got made out of thin air at the start. The glitching out. The whole artsy pen theme that just does not fit. The mouse. How she keeps getting like, design changes …. she’s not real!”

That prompted a little hurt gasp and a retort of “But I am real! As real as Undyne and Alphey’s love for each other” from SAYU, who looked genuinely offended rather than, well confused at the accusation, which was in and of itself telling.

“Hey! No telling the criminals about my love life you lot!” Undyne retaliated, which got a gleeful “I knew it!” from SAYU

”I’m not sure what you mean by all this, young master?” Kamek asked, while jr pressed on, now entirely convinced.

”She’s like a VTuber” he tried to explain, taking the entirely wrong angle when it came to clarification, and earning himself an ”A what?” from Kamek and a “Hey, I am way more sophisticated than one of those!” from the mermaid in question

Jr groaned at his out of touch caretaker, and then put it in words the old koopa would understand ”It means she’s not a real person. She’s a puppet, like one of your magic minions, which means …”

”Ahhh, which means we can destroy her without consequence!” the mage replied, finally catching on to where this was going.

“Wait what?” SAYU started, and then cried out in alarm as what had been warning shots turned into targeted strikes, though ones pointedly aimed at not striking down her real living monster passenger.

Jr opened fire with his Flaming Balloon cannon, before deploying and cranking the handle of his mulcher machine gun, while Kamek gave the mermaid a taste of her own medicine by summoning spinning card suit shapes right around her, and hammering her with massive blue magic fists as well.

“Ouch. Hey. Stop that!” she demanded as the shots chipped away at her exterior, and revealed her digital nature in full, particularly as damage started to accumulate and she began glitching out more, both in voice and in movement, actions repeating and beckoning much more jerky “That’s i-i-i-it. I’m fed-ed-ed-ed up! This isn’t a per-form-orm-orm-mance any more! Enou-gh-gh of you”

“Hold it together you lot!” Undyne demanded, but it was no use, it looked like she was going to fall apart at the seams.

Until she didn’t.

Bright light engulfed her once more, but instead of a costume change this time her entire body started to warp, shift, invert, until the koopas where left facing the fully revitalized horrors of a reverse mermaid

”Gah! What the heck did they do to the cute mermaid idol!” Jr called out with genuine horror as to what they had done.

“You made us resort to this. Now you're going to pay! Right Undyne?” she cried out before getting a confused look and repeating “Undyne?” and then suddenly realizing the issue. They’d replaced the arm she’d been holding the guard captain with with a stubby fin.

“Down here you dolts!” the fish woman in question called out from where she was hanging from an ankle warmer.

“Oops” she replied, and then “ah! Hey!” as the captain used her impressive strength to haul herself up the leg, fins, and then on top of SAYU in a few seconds, where she grabbed the mermaid’s hair antenna with one hand and used it as a steering control to force the giant fish to surge forwards towards them, the captain declaring “now we do things my way!”

”Ach, what do we do!” Jr called out, as the fish started to rapidly gain on both them and the struggling Bowser, who had just made it to the bottom of the not undaunting climb to hill atop which the base of the pizza tower sat.

”Cover me!” the mage called out, before summoning 4 clones of himself ”Or rather us!” and then starting to charge up a massive energy ball using all of their combined power ”We need to strike her down in one shot!”

”Alright, here goes nothing!” jr replied, as he switched from dodging to blocking, the prince wielding his paintbrush like a tennis racket or bat and using it to swat spears and pen nibs out of the sky, suffering mightily from each missed parry.

The sphere grew bigger, and the fish surged closer until it was big as her and she was right on top of them to have that comparison made plainly clear.

“Swat them from the sky!” Undyne commanded, and so SAYU tried to do just that, swinging a mighty kick forwards to try and give the boot to the mage, only to strike the prince instead as he rushed in to block one more strike.

The prince went sailing off into the distance like a football, while his mentor cried out ”Young master!” in alarm, before slamming the super sized magic right into the idol’s underside.

“Nooooo!” SAYU screamed out, before her final words distorted and then came to a sharp end as she fell from the skies and crashed down onto the dirt, flopping like a grounded fish for a few moments before going still.

Kamek did not wait to guarantee the strike had worked, the mage turning at once and calling out ”Don’t worry young master, I’m coming!” as he flew after the blasted away prince.

Which meant he was not there to see as Undyne pushed a flipper off of her body and slipped down from her fallen steed. Iron boots struck cheesy soil. She breathed deep to steady herself from what she thought had been a near death encounter, and then the chase continued.




”No no no, go away! Just leave! Go home!” Rika called down at Undyne, as the guard captain ignored her pleas and stepped a foot upon the bottom of the hill, and began to climb after them step by step, mouth grinning wide “Not gonna happen, I always catch the crook, and you lot aren't gonna be any kind of exception!”

In response to that, the ship girl grit her teeth and then, as the captain raised her spear to unleash another hail, made the same choice Jr had, despise her having seen how that had gone for him ”Keep going dad, I’ll be right behind you”

”Rika wait!” Bowser hoarsely tried to call after her, but it was too late, as the aquatic armored woman started running back down the hill towards the one who was ascending it.



“Finally, a proper fight!” Undyne replied, taking half a moment to appreciate the look of the ship girl storming towards her with the feathered cape trailing behind her, before she opened fire, directing her spear forwards and heralding a flurry of mirrors of the weapon to surge forwards once again.

Yet just as before, as they got close to the ship girl, the shots slowed, as if becoming submerged in water, allowing her to weave between them with relative ease. She came closer, and closer, barreling down the hill with the clear intent to slam into the guard captain like a horseless knight.

Her lack of knowledge of what to her was archaic military tactics prevented her from seeing just how bad of an idea this was to do vs someone armed with a spear.

Coming in with a gauntlet reeled back ready to strike, the ship girl attempted to deliver a slamming punch to her foe, only for Undyne to neatly step to the side and drive her longer weapon forwards, jabbing it straight towards her heart. An electrical sound fizzled, an alarm rang in Rika’s ear, as her energy shield absorbed much of the jab and left the resulting dampened blow merely scraping off her armor.

Undyne’s one eye widened in surprise and then narrowed with resolution in an instant, as in her other hand a second spear formed, which she planted right in the jaw of the gauntlet slamming towards her. With a grunt she resisted the power of the blow, skidding down the cheese hill a half step yet staying on her feet, and halted the strike a foot from her face.

Which left the barrel of Rika’s rifle pointed right at her forehead.

The ship girl hesitated for half a second to pull the trigger, unable to assess if this situation counted as an “unless you have to” moment, and that was far more than Undyn needed to take away the choice. The captain wrenched the spear to one side to pull Rika off balance, and at the same time slammed a kick into her side, sending her sprawling to the side of the hill.

Then she raised a spear to hurl at the ship girl, only for Rika to be suddenly launch into the air as she squeezed the featherfall rune. Undyne reacted quickly, tracking the ship’s accent and hurling the spear up instead, yet again, Rika rapidly changed momentum as she grappled to the ground once again, feet touching down once again.

“Impressive move” Undyne offered in compliment, before letting out a wordless warcry and charging forwards. Rika counter changed, yet lacking the momentum of her downhill run, and with Undyne knowing about her energy shield, there’d be no repeat of their first clash.

With swift strikes Undyne jabbed and probed at the shipgirl’s defenses while dancing just out of punch range, while Rika blocked with her gauntlets and hull blades and tried and failed to knock her foe down. While some might have mentally cursed about the limitation on her arsenal put upon her by the denial of lethal strikes, Rika’s order following mind had no such complaints.

Instead she got increasingly annoyed about new parts of her mind helpfully analyzing the spear fighting technique of her opponent from a rather useless and detached perspective, while also inducing an empty dysphoria feeling about her lack of a weapon to allow her to meet this foe at her same level.

But it was not like she could summon things from nothing to fill that lack, this she knew. Or had thought she knew, because that was, of course, a falsehood.

It was a realization that made her falter for just a moment, stalling her motions enough for Undyne to slip past a guard, and as the shipgirl saw the tip of the spear coming straight for her eyes, and heard the blaring alarm of her shields being down in her ears, she rushed the thought she had to its conclusion.

Pain stabbed her, but not in the head but in the heart, a familiar feeling as she called a belonging of the Pacific Princess into reality. Yet it was not the whale this time but “a spear?”

Undyne blinked as seemingly from nowhere an arched spine caught the point of her spear, halting it an inch from the visor of Rika’s helmet. The captain’s eye also saw the point at one end of that spine, and then traced down to where the heft was awkwardly held by the shipgirl’s gauntleted hand. Then she grunted as Rika slammed a kick into her as repayment, knocking the captain down this time.

She had no jumping trick like Rikas to save herself as she went rolling down the hill, but instead jammed a spear into the cheese to halt her fall, and send a volley of more forwards to ward off a follow up strike from Rika. Then she pulled herself up in time to see the shipgirl spinning the spear around her gauntlet, using a long strap attached to the weapon to keep it from escaping, the rotation battering the barrage of points away.

She also saw one more thing: “Wait, does that thing have a cannon at the base of it?!”



“That is sooooo cool. Like a gun sword out of an anime, only better!” Undyne marveled, before grinning and deciding “I’ll be seizing that as evidence”

Rika planted the barrels of the twin cannons to the ground and tried to give a witty remark in response, only to instead cough up blood that splattered against her visor, a result of her summoning the dead princess’s possessions, a cost that had been undone by Jr a lot of the time, now having to be paid.

Awkwardly, she pulled the helmet off and then tossed it aside.

Now properly mirrored, the two armored helmet-less spear-women faced each other down for a dramatic moment.

And then both rushed in and clashed once more.

This time it was no close range brawl of speed vs power, but a more artful ranged duel, as each spear-wilder jabbed and parried, gave and took ground, seeking either to pierce their foe in Undyne’s case, or bluntly bash them in Rika’s as she used the butt of her own pole-arm.

They went beyond mortal movements however, as Undyne summoned a second spear in and out of existence, switching between one and two handing her magical weapon, while Rika’s own spear flashed from hand to hand, into gauntlet jaws, or flipped orientation to bring point or cannon to the fore for the purpose of blocking or thrusting.

As opposed to the taunting bout between the pop-star and arrogant princess, the two soldiers fought in silence, though by no means a grim one. The shipgirl found herself matching the captain’s daring pointed smile as the two of them showed the world that swords were not the only artful weapon of stylish duels. Not the only weapon of heroes. That the weapon of the common soldier could be so much more than a faceless part of a spear-wall.

Tips grazed off of armor or won thin cuts against dodging faces, butts bludgeoned and left bruises through metal, and sheer fatigue took their toll, yet on they danced the rest of the world forgotten. It was a song, a clash of spear tips, of magic and metal, one no less beautiful than SAYU’s.

It was also a song that was rudely interrupted.

A thunderous blast roared, causing both fighter’s gazes to snap to the side, and for Rika’s to catch and slow the cannonball whizzing towards them. Both spear-women leapt to the side as a gang of Ratlings took that moment to try and both take vengeance for their fallen king and take down the captain of the guards who had been a mighty thorn in their illegal operations.

“We were having a moment there, criminal scum! Now lay down your arms, you’re all under arrest!” Undyne called out as she rushed in, and, in an ironic twist, tried to avoid killing where she could do so, while Rika flipped to the exact opposite.

The captain parried a rapier thrust and then grabbed a ratling before hurling them down the hill, smacked another with the but of her spear, hammered a volley of spears around a third to create a cage of spear shafts around him, and then just booted a fourth in the gutt.

Rika meanwhile used the cannons on her spear base for the first time, hoking the shaft under an armpit for support and then letting lose nailing the cannon fire-er the chest, before flipping the spear around and using its massive reach to skewer a rat bandit through the eye before it could even get close with its sword.

“Hey, stop killing the people I am trying to arrest!” Undyn demanded after the second kill, and was then very confused when Rika offered an ”Oh, sorry” of apology, and switched back to non lethal, bonking her third foe over the head with her spear’s shaft, and then catching several more in a whirlpool of water created by her Cloyster striker, which spun them around till they dizzily bumped together at its center, at which point it dissipated.

A few dozen heartbeats passed, and by the end of them the surviving ratling bandits were all groaning on the ground. Which meant only one thing

“Right, now where were we-” Undyne started to say as she pivoted around to face her main foe again, only for her eye to close half way through the movement and for her to tumble to the ground.

”What?” Rika asked, barely able to hear herself over the sound of her blood pumping in her ears, before the cause revealed itself.

An obsidian scaled wyvern swooped down, and upon its back were a tired looking Kamek and a beat up but smiling Jr holding his paintbrush, the latter having cast Repose upon the guard captain under the cover of the wyvern’s cave camouflage.

”Cool spear, and cool fight” jr complimented her as he slipped before slipping off the wyvern and tossing her a tape, telling Rika to ”Record her while she’s asleep … wow that sounds weird … do it anyway I wanna know if it works. Meanwhile I’m gonna prep a way to get her off our tails”

”I, wah, ok?” the shipgirl replied, much too tired to question any of this, catching the tape, slotting it into her tape player and then crouching down to record the captain's loud snoring while Jr splashed some paint on the ground next to her.

Ten seconds later and both were done and jr unceremoniously used a foot to roll Undyne onto the low detail painting of the city of tears he’d made, causing her to promptly explode into bubbles which raced into said painting, transporting the captain back to her city.

”Oh. Huh. I guess that works” Rika said, before her gaze snapped up the hill as she started to ask ”Is dad ok-” only to meet his eyes and receive an awkward wave from Bowser who still had a bunch of hill climbing to do, having been rather slowed down by being unable to tear his eyes away from the spear fight.

Not that Rika knew that was why. Mainly she was just relieved everyone in the troop was ok. It was a mutual feeling.

”Let’s get moving before these ratfolk get up, shall we?” Kamek suggested, as he stared down at a ratling that promptly shut its eye and went back to pretending to be knocked out.

The others agreed, and set off to catch up with Bowser for the, hopefully, safe from pursuers and full of friends Pizza Tower.

wordcount: 444 (+1)
Midna: level 9 EXP: //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// (103/100)
Location: The City of Glass
Warp Charges: 3


”It’s a full body disguise” Midna tried to clarify when her plan for stealing a ship while under guise was shot down, but at that point the conversation had moved on. Specifically all the way to mind control, which was very concerning to her.

”Can’t say I’m the most comfortable with that. We can give back a boat, we can’t give back the sanctity of someone’s mind” she argued, but fortunately, all of their various criminal schemes were rendered unnecessary by Sakura doing the simple thing and just, well, asking.

”I. Well. Don’t we look like a bunch of cynics right now? Guess we should have put more faith into the milk of mortal kindness … or the eccentricities of the idle rich I suppose” she joked to try and diffuse some of the tension/embarrassment resulting from their nefarious scheming being all for naught.

At any rate, Sakura had succeeded in getting them a lift from a man who just wanted some true friends, and thinking about it, she somewhat related with his sad situation, being royalty and all herself. A little. She felt a fair bit more bad that they were more or less using him for his wealth as well (they as in the rest of them, rather than Sakura who at this point she very much expected to genuinely bond with the man over the boat trip), and decided to avoid being part of that whole moral quandary and keep hanging out in shadows instead of introducing herself.

In doing so, she happened to overhear Zenkichi’s thoughtful comment and she had to admit, she was also not particularly fond of Goldlewis’s thoughts on ends justifying the means, or Benedict’s tacit approval of it.

”While I hope that taking down Galeem will give us a way to put everything back to normal, there’s no guarantee that we can just put everything back to the way it was. The dead might stay dead, and other harm might remain too. When time in my reality shattered apart, we had a goddess to put it back together. I’m not sure if we have anything of the sort that can do that for all of space” she offered, before thinking for a moment and gingerly offering a personal anecdote on the topic of ends and means.

”I’ve … been there. In a way. When I was overthrown, I got sent to a different realm, with different people in it, and I didn’t care about them, only saving my own from the monster who took my throne, and was happy to use all other people as tools to that end. It is not, looking back on it, a pleasant way to live. I also wouldn't have succeeded if I hadn’t learned to turn away from that kind of thinking, and care about those people as much as my own” she paused and glanced towards their ship’s captain and then concluding ”because acting like that definitely isn’t going to win you any friends”

After all, she thought, would even half the people who had joined up since they left smash city have done so if they were going around doing whatever they wanted, and damn the morality of their actions?

The Koopa Troop

wordcount: 1960 (+3)
Bowser: Level 12 EXP: ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// (216/120)
Bowser Jr: Level 12 EXP: /////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// (97/120)
Kamek: Level 12 EXP: //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// (91/120)
Rika: Level 7 EXP: ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// (93/70)
Location: The Under - Home of Tears


The troop had wanted to head to bed, but the second brat of the underground apparently had other ideas, first getting all their attention, and then decided to sick the whole city on them somehow. Another bit of safety, ripped away, the promise that the whole world might turn against you if you made the wrong move that the galeeming masses had always held, finally being fulfilled.

”Gah! Stop it doctor!” Bower roared at Natasha, as he blocked an explosive shot from her grenade launcher she had fired right at him with his energy buckler. Then he saw a rifle being raised and aimed in his peripheral vision and moved faster than he ever had in his life to grab the gauntlet it was attached to and jerk i upwards, causing the spray of bullets it unleashed to fly over the crowd rather than end the life of a whole bunch of kid’s favorite person.

”Rika! Don’t shoot the nice orphanage lady!” He demanded of her, to which she respond with a momentary confused look, then a shrug, and proceeded to start to aim her other gauntlet at someone else, only for Kamek to catch this one and add ”Or anyone else, young mistress, if it can be avoided”

”But they’re trying to kill us?” the ship girl rightly pointed out, before asking ”What else are we meant to do, stand here and die?” with a tone that made it far more of a question than it really should have been, as if she might well have done just that if told it was what they were supposed to do.

It was that, as much as anything, that jolted Bowser’s mind to their exit strategy, the king calling out commands and having his team assemble a blubbery escape vessel onto which they leapt.

After waiting for a few moments for others to board, the monster of a whale set off, the strange mechanical whale propelling itself not by a great finned tail (for in place of one of those it had an anchor) but via jet propulsion from gill like protrusions on its side, which made for a much smoother ride than might be expected from a monstrous mount.

It was not, unfortunately, the only monster who was most at home in water

“Mermaid guard!” came a bellowing cry from the leader of the city’s defenders “AFTER THEM!”

The watery wardens where, of course, already on it, but a command from their leader induced a bout of order to the blind murderous haze, as ranks of mermaids pushed through the crowds that had stalled at the water’s edge and then leapt into it to give chase at a speed which finally demonstrated exactly why the half drowned city’s police force where aquatic in nature.

half a dozen diferant kinds of mermaid surged through the water, putting the speed they normally put into rapidly responding to crimes into a high speed police chase across the city

Ironically, their leader did not join them, as her armor weighed her down too heavily to swim in the water. Instead she joined those pursuing on foot. It would be a long and for many fruitless chase to do so, as the whale sped away, and so only the most determined of pursuers would keep going the whole way.

Of course, among those that followed, none were more determined than Undyne, and her steel steps added a constant percussion to the chase, ever hot on the heroes’ heels.






Through the canal the troop’s mighty white whale did sail and onto its protruding spine, they did cling. On the beast’s long trailing anchor tipped tail came the mermaid guard, armed with tridents and swords, and at their rear was Officer Tethys who conjured frozen lances to hurl at the heroes, and if they could not withstand those, they stood no chance against her captain.

”Can I shoot these ones?” Rika asked as she ducked a spear.

”No!” Bowser told her again, before readjusting ”Not if you don’t have to. Just. Kick them off or something, we just need to get away!” before he deployed his own guns, but rather than unleashing death he started blasting water, creating a rather ironic situation where the aquatic cops who tried to grab onto and board the great whale where being blasted off by high pressure water cannons.

In response Tethys called out for the guards to “Stop trying to get on and get stabbing! Slow them down!” which like a school of sharks they began to do, blades and forks beginning to be slammed into the whale, often from below where there could be no retaliation.

Jr did his best to heal their steed, but it slowed ever so surely as its oily blood filled the water, which worst of all slowed its speed, allowing more mermaids to catch up.

”This is bad. Uh, um” he stammered as he tried to come up with a plan. Then it clicked ”Mimi! Copycat Kamek and take over keeping the whale big! And then Kamek, uh, do magic stuff!”

“Mimi!” the mon called out as it was sent out from its ball, and then took over enbiggenment duty, while Kamek was released from it, replying ”magic stuff coming right up, young master” sardonically before doing just so.

”First, let’s put a stop to all that stabbing shall we”, he said, before raising his wand and surrounding the entire whale in an magical yellow barrier, one that rendered in near impossible to harm beyond what Jr could heal, what with the 80% reduction to all physical damage it provided.

Then he summoned a green clone of himself, one that boosted the whale’s defenses further, before also increasing its speed.

He felt very smug about having countered their foes, right up until Rika called out ”Little boats up front!”. Indeed, just as she warned, up ahead were numerous paper boats that had launched from the shore of the river, and upon them many monsters where arrayed. Parked next to that launch point where a number of monster drawn carriages that had been commandeered by some of the place footsloggers, who had overtaken the whale as it was being slowed by being hacked at, and now launched this surprise ambush from the market.

Along with those hunters, the ships hosted many of the market’s denizens such as Professor Goopton armed with several of his goop based guns, and Seam who was armed with the overused pair of shears Bowser had sold him.

It was because of those two, not any of the other dozens of people in her way, that Rika did not need to be told what to do.

”Diving! We’re going under, so hold on!” she called out in warning before making the whale do just that, the great beast who had been about 60% under the water line sinking lower and lower till only its spine and cannons were above the waterline.

It surged beneath the boats, washing them aside but not crushing them like it would have had she kept it atop the waves.

Unfortunately, this incredibly low waterline left it in a perfect position to be boarded, and so once it rose back up on the other side of the ships, the whale had a fair few more passengers, with shopkeepers and citizens at the front, and a host of guards at the back.

After that, there was nothing to do but brawl as the whale kept racing for the edge of the city.

Jr deployed his car’s boxing gloves and laid into the brain washed folks, while calling out Dazzle the popplio, and having him strike from the water itself, the pokemon launching itself back out of it in mighty penguin leaps to knock people off of the whales back and into the drink.

Bowser used grabs and water blasts to do much the same, seeking to simply throw off their unwelcome gust, and hoping that they could swim, or that the guards already in the drink would prioritize drowners over keeping up the hunt.

Kamek summoned steams of toadies, replacing each one as they fell, and having them grapple the monsters and haul them off of the whales back, while also using castings of magic fist, shifted to be more of a magic shove, to get others off.

Rika was mostly on guard and steering duty to avoid any more paper boats, as no one really trusted her to not do a cold blooded murder of strangers due to not knowing any better. That was until she worked out she could use her grappling hook to disarm people, resulting int the ship girl stealing half a dozen swords, tridents, and other weapons and tossing them all overboard. More often than not this prompted the ones who were armed with these to give up the fight, because they sure as hell weren't going to get through the mountain of scales that was Bowser with their bare fists.

This all came to an abrupt halt when they ran out of river, the whale bursting over the edge of a waterfall, and then crashing down on top of a cliff of cheese, while the water itself drained down into the crack between the city and the cheesy cavern floor.

”Everybody off, abandon whale!” Bowser commanded, leaping off of it, quickly followed by the rest of the troop (minus the pokemon who were recalled to their balls) who all began legging it. The poor whale was left behind as bait, one that had been reduced to nothing once Undyne caught up.

She took one look at the mess, at her exhausted guards and the civilians, and at the heroes rapidly receding into the distance, decided to take drastic action “Tethys, get home base on the line, deploy project S.A.Y.U!”




Heading in the opposite direction from everyone else was, and blissfully unaware of the chaos that had overtaken her home, was backpack hero Purse, who was in the midst of doing one last cheese run before calling it a day when she spotted some familiar faces coming the other direction.

She called out “Hi Jr! Hi Rika!” to her former fellow cheese runners, only to be taken aback when they turned towards her with fists at the ready, as if expecting a fight.

“Wow wow what’s the big idea? Did I spook you? Why are you so on edge?” she asked, waving both hands ahead of her and backing away carefully.

”Wait what? You're normal?” Jr asked warily, to which the mouse replied with a confused “Normal? What do you mean normal?”

”We killed P, but then F mind controled and sicked the whole city on us! Gotta run” jr told her, as the troop immediately picked up the pace once more now that they knew she wasn’t a threat.

“You what? He what?” she replied, very confused, before focusing on the one thing she did get, and shouted “Wait, the only way out of here is Pizza tower, and it's super dangerous!”

”Can’t be worse than fighting a whole city!” Jr called back, before the troop leapt up to a higher cliff and vanished from sight, leaving the mouse scratching her head in confusion. Then she looked back to the city, and was even more confused as a team of human kids (disguised as monsters) combined their artistic talents and a great mass of static and pixels rapidly formed into a grand defender (tall as a 3 story building from head to tail tip) for the city.

One that started singing as she swooped forwards, trident in one hand, captain of the guard in the other, and a small host of monstrous fliers flanking her as they spread out across the caverns to hunt down the fleeing seekers. Any they spotted would have to contend with a rain of both spears and oversized pen nibs hailing down on them as they retreated.



The Koopa Troop

wordcount: 3997 (+5 (for Rika and Jr only))
Bowser: Level 12 EXP: ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// (213/120)
Bowser Jr: Level 12 EXP: /////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// (94/120)
Kamek: Level 12 EXP: //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// (88/120)
Rika: Level 7 EXP: ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// (90/70)
Location: The Under - Home of Tears


While the older troop members set out to do the ever so boring task of selling stuff, Jr and Rika resolved to go take part in the much more interesting activity of buying things.

First thing’s first, they loaded up with tapes, the prince having talked Rika and only Rika into this whole monster transformation and then combination thing being a good idea. This turned out to be a winning option however, as the girl turned out to have a hefty wallet when it came to her cash reserves.

It was only after they had gotten the tapes that the issue of how to record things came up, prompting a trip out of the market again. Or rather a race out there, with jr drifting through the streets while Rika sailed up the miniature rivers running down every street caused by the endless rainfall.

The prince, who had reliable roads instead of inconsistent gutters, held his own till they reached the collection, with its many waterways. There, Rika started to catch up, only to nearly run afoul of some kind of oversized jellyfish, halting the race as she first blasted it, and then limped to shore to get her stings seen too by the prince.

”ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch. Someone really should do something about those that water’s not tactically secured at all” she complained as Jr cast healing spells on her.

“I think some folks are on that already, fortunately enough. A tall, fiery headed fellow with white swords who I would think was a human for one” came a comment from the owner of the stall they had stopped by.

”Sounds like Ganondorf” Jr replied, before snorting at the thought of the king of evil warlock punching the water like some insane fisherman, before taking a look at the living stuffed toy cat who had informed them of this fact.

“A friend of yours? Do thank them from me if you see them later then, that quest has been up on the board for much too long” the cat, who was named Seam, replied, and then pointed them over to a handy nearby commissions board when they inquired what he meant by that.

”Should we check it out? Kamek said they’d be a while after all” Rka asked, to which Jr replied ”Sure sure, just as soon as we’ve got those tape recorders”

“Tape recorders you say? Well now, aren't you lucky, because I just so happen to have a few. Or a pair to be exact. Oddly popular with humans, those. They come here, buy one, and then never come again. Funny that” the stuffed feline merchant informed them, smiling a little knowingly at his own comment.

“I suppose you’ll be wanting one for much the same reasons?” he then added, looking at Rika, who looked rather human from the waist up these days.

”Yup, but I’m not a human, I’m a ship” she replied, confusing him a little, and then confusing him more when she pulled of an armored boot and popped a reptilian foot up on the encounter ”Plus I have these now”

“I see,” the cat replied in the awkward moment that followed, one that only ended once Jr lifted the foot back off the table and said that ”Yeah, we’d like those. How much?”

“Not even wanting to see the goods first? Well that works for me, ha ha ha” the cat replied as he turned to go fetch them from his stash of odds an ends and popped a pair down on the table, each one coming complete with a set of headphones “that’ll be 120 each, so 240, if you please”

The two put their money on the table, and with a “thanks for that” the cat took their cash and pushed the items closer for them to pick up. Rika, naturally, tried hers on for size at once, while jr did the same … and realized that they didn’t fit on his head all that comfortably, particularly considering his ears were now up top, what with him being a cat-koopa and all now.

“Probably should have looked at them first” Seam said with mild amusement, before politely offering “I can take them back off your hands if you aren't satisfied”

”Nah I can just tinker with them a bit, probably” Jr replied as he inspected the cheap plastic band, and theorizing that, if that was stripped carefully away, he could free the cables and then assemble some kind of clips to attach them to his ears.

“Very practical of you. Now, can I interest you in anything else?” Seam asked, and then shrugged when the prince told him no.

”Oh, do you know what I can do with this?” Rika asked, showing him the fan of knives mod she had gotten from one of the cheese thieves, and getting pointed towards a local smith as a result.

After that, they bid the cat farewell, made a quick stop to get said mod cheaply installed in her left gauntlet, and then the two checked out the quest board.

After a bit of discussion, they decided to look into the fluke situation, but, lacking knowledge of how to get down into the waterways, they asked a guard, who then directed them towards one of the residential districts being harassed by the bugs in question.




There they came across a scene of a team of armored siren officers armed with runic sheilds lead by a axalotol looking siren preparing to raid an apartment building while several monster residents huddled outside, waiting for the all clear to be allowed back into their homes.

“You’re not the first ones to ask, and the last group didn’t come back” the leader of the group, officer Tethys, replied when asked about more details about the waterways and the gate.

”Whoever they were, I bet they were nothing compared to us!” Jr retorted self confidently, to which Rika added ”Mm hmm. Not that we can really prove it, but we’ve dealt with all sorts of dangerous stuff, I promise”

“Hmmm. Maybe you can prove it, and give my girls a rest while you’re at it. We’ve been on damage control all day, so how about this: you clear this one of flukes for us and prove you can handle yourselves against them, and then I’ll give you the details. Deal?” the officer cunningly replied, which got agreement from both of them.

“Great. Call if you need us to bail you out. Oh and try not to break anything. The people want their homes back in one piece after all” she requested, before gesturing for them to enter.

The two did, and found themselves in an ever so ordinary apartment building, the pair climbing (or hovering in Jr’s case) up the central stairway, following the sound of a strange sucking sound. They came across a broken down door, and when they peeked into it they found a cozy little home with pictures of a happy monster family on the wall.

Said family where currently outside however, and in their place where two hovering flukes watching as a big lanky one rummaging around an open (and beeping from being open to long) fridge.

”You're under arrest! You have the right to remain silent” Jr cheerfully shouted at them, getting their attention.

They immediately gave up that right as the two floating flukes (known as flukefey) swooped towards them, mouths peeling back and revealing a dozen sharp teeth and screeching as they went.

Rika, naturally, leveled her guns at them, only for Jr to shout ”No damage to the house, remember!” forcing her to quickly switch to a crude guard with her gauntlets. One smashed into that, but the other slipped down low and clipped her armored leg, bruising it through the metal before it kept on swooping.

Fortunately raced right into a saw blade slash from jr’s clown car which ripped up its face, and then a boxing glove punch sent its body sailing back across the room.

On a shaky leg Rika shoved her flukefey back, and used her hull blades to chop at it when it came in again, unknowingly mirroring jr s strategy as she followed that up with a gauntlet punch, though hers was tipped with a chainsaw gauntlet, sending the shredded corpse flying past the tall one as it came in to body tackle her.

It smashed into her before she could steady herself after her own punch, but she used her maneuvering thrusters to stop herself being knocked over, and the flat of her hull blades to push it back.

“Food ours. Stole first!” the fluke claimed with a feminine pitch as it stabilized itself after the pushback and prepared to charge in again

”I don’t want your food, I want your life” Rika retorted, only for Jr to call out ”Wait wait, don’t kill this one yet, I wanna record it!”, as he took out the tape recorder and prepped to do just that

”What, now?” Rika called back as she and the fluke started brawling, both of them relying mostly on brute force in the tight confines of the home.

”Just beat on it for 10 seconds and then we can end this” jr requested, a request which the ship girl found herself obliging even as she was forced to take on the full brunt of the fluk’s full body tackles.

Seven seconds later saw her holding it back with hull blades and one arm as it tried to use its fang filled sucker mouth to eat her face while she used her left arm to bunch it in the gut.

”Get. off. Me. - eek” the ship girl started as her new weapon mod, installed on the left gauntlet she was using to punch, triggered, shotgunning the fluke with knives at point blank range.

The blades scythed right through the fluke, splitting it in half and sending each half tumbling to the floor.

”Hey come on I almost had it!” Jr started to complain, only to be very confused when the tape clicked upon finishing recording, in a manner in which he assumed meant it had finished successfully.

”Huh?” he said confused, right as the two halves of the fluke, which notably had not turned to ash, suddenly rose up, the top half floating through the air while the bottom half revealed a second maw at the point at which it had split, and attacked

Both children screamed in panic, sending the officer outside racing up the stairs after them, but once she had gotten there, she found the two unharmed. The same could not be said for the apartment, which now had some bullet holes punched in the wall, and part of the carpet was on fire as a result of the two’s panicked response to the fluke’s final hurrah.

“Tsk tsk, what did I say about property damage” the officer said once she took in the scene

”You could have said they split in half! That was freaky” Jr complained as he got Dazzle to put out the fire.

”I mean, I guess we know now, so better when it's just one than when there's a load in the waterways?” Rika noted strategically.

“Exactly, the young lady gets it” the siren agreed “and now I know you can handle some flukes, and the unexpected, so I am way less leary about sending you down there to deal with them. So don’t worry too much about the property damage, lives are more important after all. Which also means you two can feel free to back out of this if it gets too rough, ok? We’ll still pay bounty on the flukes”

”Eh, we’ll be fine” Jr insisted at the same time as Rika replied with a salute and a ”Yes Ma’am”

“You’ve got a good head on those shoulders human, make sure you keep it” the officer told Rika, to which the girl responded ”Actually I’m a ship” once again, though this time she did not try and show off her lizard legs to additionally correct the false assumption

“Alright mis ship” the officer responded near seamlessly, before filling them in on what they needed to know.




Once they knew where it was, the majority of the trek through the waterways was a breeze, the pair using Rika’s plane to scout ahead, and picking off the odd handful of flukes here and there as they went, and collecting the spirits as proof of their kills. The only real issue they encountered where nests, which were home to narrow tunnel filling Flukemunga which would slide across the floor to attack like living battering rams.

After being chased out of a tunnel by one, and then turning their firepower on it once up a few ledges that it could not follow them up, they found the oversized creatures to be incredibly bullet spongy. As a result the pair agreed to just avoid them, the spirit it dropped almost certainly not being worth the cost in energy and ammunition needed to take it down. It’d drown once they were done anyway.

When they finally found the Royal Sluice, a great gate in a wall that groaned audibly from the pressure pressing against it, they also found a culpable mosh pit of flukes meandering around it. Fliers, walkers and big fat sliders alike, along with a host of the little grubs being tended to by their sisters.

Either something among their number had been smart enough to predict the way the city would try to deal with them this way … or the channel in-front of the gate was just a big convenient space that led to all the other tunnels. Certainly, the piles of stolen food and prevalence of grubs gave the indication that this second option was correct. What gave the indication of the first was that the duo caught sight of the party that the officer had mentioned had gone down before them.

Or rather they caught sight of their spirits: a fiery mage, a huking warrior, an eyeless healer and a serpintile rogue had all met their end at this final hurdle, and though the fluke spirits also laying around indicated they had taken down a fair number of foes down with them, it clearly hadn’t been enough.

By Rika’s estimate, as she observed this with a scout plane she was hiding in the shadows of the ceiling, it wasn’t enough of a thinning of the herd to let them take an easy victory either.

”Come on. We can take em” was Jr’s predictable response when she told him about all this.

”I dunno, it really doesn't seem like a good idea” Rika tried to tell him, only for the boy to try and badger her into doing his way, which might have worked had a cluster of wisps that had been shadowing them this whole time not swooped into silently back her up via forming a hovering cross of disagreement.

”What? Oh come on Kamek, we can handle ourselves” the prince told the mage’s remote minders huffily, and then started arguing with the voiceless spirits till Rika had an idea, one that she leaned in to whisper, and got a near instant agreement on.

A little while later, a totally normal and not at all suspicious fluke waddled on past the children’s former hiding spot.

”Careful, careful, you're gonna drop me” the top half complained, while the bottom half retorted ”I am not. It’s just tricky to hold on with just these teeth things”

Or at least that is what they tried to say, but the flukes’ bodies did not really allow for the greatest deal of coherent articulation. Either way, the two children in a trench coat, or rather making up the top and bottom halves of a fluke which they had turned into via tapes (having rather easily tracked down and then laboriously record the second half they needed before returning) wobbled their way into the room filled with yet more of ‘their’ kind.

The pair wisly shut their traps at this point, and did their best to blend in, Rika’s new legs carrying them in a meandering path that did not look at all suspicious. It got worse when they passed through the area where the fallen monster heroes’ spirits lay, and jr immediately gave into greed and tried to bed down to grab them, an action entirely uncoordinated with Rika, which caused her to lose grip and for him to tip off of her ‘shoulders’ and go sprawling onto the floor with the spirits scattered before him as every fluke nearby turned to inspect the sound.

There was a little moment of stillness, before jr scramblingly gathered up the monster spirits in his stubby little arm and took an embarrassing amount of time to hop back on top of his ‘lower half’. It was only once he was back and the ‘fluke’ had stopped to embarrass ‘herself’ that one of the other ones asked “what do?” with regards to the spirit collection to which the prince floundered for a response till he came upon: ”Tidying? Uh, messy glowing things, not neat?”

“Tidying?” “Tidying” “Tidying!” “Clean nest!” “Glowy things away!” went a round of replies, as the flukes came around to this novel idea, and immediately several of them started copying Jr in gathering up the spirits in-order to dispose of them, denying them any more unearned loot

Not that Rika would have gone and let them go near any more to repeat the incident, and instead she made a b-line straight for the goal. With a fair bit of difficulty they shimmied up a ladder leading out of the water channel, and up to the control systems for it. Well, control systems was a bit of a generous way of describing the big rusty wheel the pair came face to face with when they got up there.

Still, this was it, they’d made it, and despite a hiccup along the way, they were about to pull off their stealth operation without a hitch.

Then Jr tried to pull the crank, and it made just the loudest, screechiest sound as the old unused rusted metal ground against yet more of the same, resisting every turn. That certainly got some curious looks from the flukes, some of whom started to get an inkling that this was bad right as the alarm bells started ringing, warning everyone and everything nearby that the gate was about to open. That, plus a trickle of water that would herald the flood, 100% blew their cover.

“Water!” “stop!” “kill!” came cries, as the flukes all turned to storm towards the children, the sky filling with Flukefey as the Flukemon and Flukemunga became a swarm charging towards the raised platform.

There was the click of two tapes being paused, and then Rika and Jr (who was wearing custom made cat ear compatible clip on earphones) were there in person again, disguises discarded. The prince tossed two pokeballs over his shoulder before he grabbed the wheel with his claws, getting a far better grip using them than the stubby arms of the fluke and beginning to turn.

Behind him Mimi and Dazzle burst from their pokeballs, and immediately were rocked by the sound of gunfire as Rika opened up with all guns upon the incoming barrage of Flukefeys.

Rifle fire, shells, and ink flak all were let loose, swiftly being joined by the mon’s own electrical and watery blasts. The first wave that slipped through this AA screen hammer straight into Rika’s Knight and Cloyster strikers using shield and shell to block their charge, while the second met even more firepower as jr added super scoped armed Primid and pan tossing chef bro strikers to their firepower. A final bust of knives going off in sync with an all out adult from Rika’s blaster bought them a moment of clear air space just in time for the ground assault to start.

The first Flukemon to climb the ladder meanwhile got a face full of wisps, the little motes zapping the bug when it hit them, stunning it and sending it falling down among its kin. The second got a boot from Rika, sending it down in much the same way. Then the oversized Flukemunga rammed into the base of the platform, and acted as siege towers for their sisters to climb atop.

”No no no no,” Rika panicked as she switched to melee fighting, smashing flukes down with gauntlet punches, blocking and chopping with her hull blades. At her side Mimi lashed out with her claws, Dazzle with staggering penguin leaps, the whips with more zaps and a pack of goobas boodilly tackled flukes off of the platform. Despite all this, it looked like they might still go the way of the monster adventurers as Rika cried out for jr to ”Hurry uuuuup!”

”I’ve got it!” jr cried out in response, as with one final wrench the wheel broke free of all its rust, and spun smoothly at last, the gate opening, and the flood sweeping in. Torrents of water washed in, sweeping away first grubs, then Flukemon and finally the Flukemunga.

And, naturally, all of the spirits that had fallen down below during the battle.

It didn’t clear the skies either, as the few remaining Flukefey who dived in to try and avenge their sisters interrupted the kids' cheers to demonstrate, but they, too, fell when faced with both of them working together to cut them down to the last.

”We did it! We saved the city!” Jr cheered, while Rika sat herself down on the edge of the platform to rest and toned back the victory a little bit with ”Well, or some peoples houses and food and stuff anyway” before thinking and commenting that ”Anyway, this better not end up like the cheese thing and be super bad paying”

”I mean we got the spirits and stuff, so that’ll probably work out either way” Jr pointed out, remembering how the humble cheese slime had netted them an incredibly shiny hat that he was sure his Papa would have made bank off of by now, and not have been ripped off of by a scummy auction house.

At any rate, all there was left to do was gather up the spirits that hadn’t been washed away (there weren't that many) and then head back to the surface. The flooded tunnels might have made that tricky for some, but for the ship girl and the flying car riding prince, that was no issue.

Everything after that was plain sailing (literally for Rika). They followed the flowing water back to where they had entered the waterways, where they were greeted by an impressed officer Tethys, who directed them to the guard’s headquarters. A quick stop by First Officer Lobster Siren’s office, an account from one of Tethys’s shield officers of their success and an accounting of their fluke spirits (14 fliers, 8 walkers and 1 of the big ones) got them handed a hefty bag filled with 3000 gold pieces in it.

The two where delighted by this (and Rika slightly readjusted her view on paid work, in that murder, it seemed, paid well) and where eager to go blow it all at once, but some insistent prodding by their wisp escort directed them instead to go link up with Kamek and Bowser.

Jr was, it had to be said, a little miffed about them having given away all the toys, only to be placated by the fact that they’d kept a few of the more portable items for his amusement. That was how both kids enjoyed some game monster-kid gaming over a hearty supper, and after that they were all more than ready to hit the sack.



The Koopa Troop

wordcount: 6,769 (+8 (+6 from last)(for Bowser and Kamek only))
Bowser: Level 12 EXP: ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// (213/120)
Bowser Jr: Level 12 EXP: /////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// (89/120)
Kamek: Level 12 EXP: //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// (88/120)
Rika: Level 7 EXP: ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// (85/70)
Location: The Under - Home of Tears


After they’d set up the auction Bowser and Kamek ended up with some time on their hands. The kids were still off on an adventure, one that the mage was quietly following the progress of using a wisp scout, so they had time. As part of that supervision, Kamek was aware of the help wanted board, and had something of an idea of what they might be able to get up to till they got back.

Or rather what they should do.

”I do believe the absence of a helper might be our fault, given we have taken possession of a man who might very well have filled that role” the mage told his king, still under the impression Jesse had said man in her possession, and perhaps making a rather baseless (maybe even egocentric) assumption given the size of the city. Heedless of these things however, he still suggest that ”Perhaps we should help them out?”

”I dunno…” the king said as he peered at the the notice board ”I am pretty scary looking after all”

”Only to your enemies, to your people you are a reassuring pillar of strength I assure you” Kamek replied, having not exactly expected that to be his king’s objection, even if it made sense in hindsight, but finding a counter to it with relative ease.

He got a grunt of response, which he knew to interpret as a wordless thanks, and then an agreement in the form of ”You know what, I’ve done enough fighting and dealing with weird complex auction houses stuff, I think I deserve to do something easy with the rest of the day, yeah?”

”Or .. maybe not easy, but different” he corrected himself, knowing full well that kids could be quite the handful. Either way, with that decided, they set off to find the orphanage to see if they could help out some kids have a fulfilling evening.

The two ultimately found their destination near the northernmost part of the Collection, on one of the islands directly adjacent to the one with the bridge that connected this district to Fountain Central. Standing on higher elevation than the surrounding islands, the building stood out like a sore thumb against the Home of Tears’ typical architectural style, with gray stone brick and rusty-colored metal rather than interlocking blue shells and silvery wrought iron. Warm light streamed through its windows down on a rather forlorn, rain-battered yard with meager vestiges of long-ruined playground equipment. Compared to the much bigger bridge nearby, the one leading to the Orphanage seemed both far less traveled and well-kept. After splashing over that path’s loose cobbles and perilous potholes the Koopas climbed up some steps and made their way to the front door, where a couple loud thinks of the heavy metal knocker announced their presence.

Instantly they heard a chorus of excited shouts, the voices of at least a dozen children. From behind the door the sounds were muffled, but they could still make out a frenzy of running feet. It soon gave way to the slower, louder thump-thump=thump of heavy footfalls. A moment later, the door unlocked, then swung open. In front of Bowser and Kamek stood what looked like a huge stuffed toy, at least five feet in height and barrel-shaped, with polyester stuffing poking from the spot where its right arm might have once been. Primarily pink in color, it featured a lime-green heart on its chest, a halo, and cross-shaped eyes just above a big zipper that resembled a crude, somewhat menacing mouth. In fact, its entire appearance -though outwardly cute and huggable- exuded a creepy undertone, particularly given its size. By looking a little closer, the two visitors could also see a dozen pairs of eyes locked onto them, some wary, some shining with excitement, and all belonging to the children of the orphanage as their peered out from doorways, behind corners, and around furniture. They could see an orange critter, a young kobold with a fluffy tail, a masked goblin kid, a tiny Zora girl with her plush fish toy, a pair of child spectrobes, a whole quartet of Kaka Kittens, and more. Every one of these kids seemed to be hoping beyond hope that today would be their lucky day. Trying to ignore their excited whispers, the mascot-looking creature took up a little sign from a table beside the door and held it up for the visitors to see. It read: ‘Hello and welcome. How can I help you today?’

The two of them glanced at each other, clearly a little put off by the strange creature, but seeing the children they remembered why they were here, and why they were needed. Well, mostly remembered, as Bowser immediately floundered on one of the details when he began by asking ”Hey there, we’re looking for a .. for a uh”

”Dr. Natasha” Kamek supplied helpfully

”Right. We’re looking for a Dr. Natasha? We’re here to help out for the evening” he concluded.

After a brief moment spent looking between the two, the mascot creature nodded, then gently beckoned the two to follow it inside the orphanage. It led the way down the hall, plodding slowly past the staring children who shrunk away as Bowser drew near by slid out of their hiding spots to follow at a respectful distance. Though a little let down by the news that the Koopas had come to help care for them rather than adopt, the kids seemed happy nonetheless to have someone there to see them. A few seconds later, the caravan arrived at the orphanage's main common room. It was full of couches and beanbags arranged around a TV and dim fireplace, with a few well-used toys here and there, carefully collected into bins to keep the place presentable. Corkboards and chalkboards took the place of paintings, covered with the denizen's scribbled drawings and misspelled letters. A staircase led up to the orphanage's other floors, and a red door stood next to it, labeled 'Natasha's Office' by a big crayon sign above the doorframe. This was where the pink monster headed.

"They're gonna talk to the boss!"

"Aw, how come we never get to see Miss Nat?"

"They're so lucky! Who are they?"

"Do-do-do you think they're gonna adopt one of us?"

"No, dummy, didn't you hear them say they're just helping?"

"Hey, that's still good, you meanie!"

As the other kids whispered and jostled, the nervous little goblin reached up and bravely tugged Bowser's hand. "Um, mister?" He asked, shaking a little as he turned his mask upward to look at the looming giant. "Miss Nat never comes out of her office, so…when you see her, can you give her a hug for us? Please?"

Once the mascot led the visitors into the office, they found themselves in an empty room. There were no windows or other doors, and only a couple articles of furniture. After they entered, the mascot slowly closed the door behind them, then with a click, locked it shut. Without a word, it circles around toward the desk, turned to face them, and then dissolved into a burst of static.

In the creature's place stood a beautiful human woman, with pink eyes, turquoise hair in a ponytail with loose strands across her face, and a mole by her lips. She wore a white dress of a curious style, with several vials of a green liquid worn almost like accessories, and a teddy bear hanging from her waist. Though not that old all things considered, she possessed a distinct motherly air, and her eyes and smile were both gentle and kind. She carefully pulled her headphones off and placed them along with her cassette player on the desk.

"Please forgive my deception," she began, her voice soft. "The poor darlings of this orphanage are all monsters who've lost their parents to humans. I fear the sight of one would upset them. So I rely on this to assume forms that are more comfortable for them. Like Mascotoy, which you saw. The kids name them, they call me 'Stuffy' when I'm in that form." She smiled, giving a light, chirping laugh. "And Burnie, when I'm Spitzfyre. Oh, but forgive me, I always end up babbling. I'm Natasha." She clasped her hands together. "Doctor by day, caretaker by night. Knowing what I am and what I'm doing, are you two still willing to help?"

”Even in a city of monsters, humans still are everywhere it seems” Kamek commented, intending it mostly as a joke, though he did also think it was an odd state of affairs, what with their own world containing only slightly more than a cities worth.

”That is to say, that won’t be a problem Doctor, right?” he then clarified, before glancing at Bowser. The king, for his part had his brow furrowed, and was deep in thought, before coming to a conclusion entirely unrelated to the matter at hand, but which was an answer to it all on its own anyway.

”You probably get a bunch while in disguise, but the kid did ask so” he said, as he stepped forwards and offered her the hug he’d been requested to give her for all her hard work.

“Oh, goodness!” Too tired from a long day’s work to exclaim with any real sense of alarm, Natasha found herself swept up in a titanic embrace. Though wary and on edge at first, she realized what was going on, and relaxed somewhat in Bowser’s strong, albeit comfortable arms. She even found it in herself to squeeze back a little. Once the two stepped apart a moment later, she didn’t even pause to fix her hair, but flashed the two Koopas an appreciative smile.

“Thank you both. I’m so grateful.” She turned to her cassette player and began to switch the tape out. “Well, you’ll get a chance to help right away! I was just about to get started on dinner for everyone. We usually do a big soup to make the most out of what little we have, and give everyone the chance to pitch in. One of my monster forms helps out a lot.” After putting in a tape labeled ‘Cookie (Coaldron)’ with a handful of food-based stickers plastered all over it, she donned the cassette player. “I’ll head over to the kitchen. After you say hi to everyone, please come and join me. Try and make sure everyone feels included. Oh, but look out for the little troublemakers–Skull Kid and Peeper. They might try to play pranks. I’m still working on a way to do lessons, since none of my monsters can talk, so after dinner it’s usually playtime. But on the off chance you have anything to teach or stories to tell, please feel free. I hope you’ll try to get to know everyone, and help them out however you can. We’ll meet up again like this later on to go over the bedtime routine. Sound good?”

”Sounds like a plan” Kamek agreed, before glancing to the side upon hearing the chime of a bell, and seeing the mountain of scales that was his king had become a fair bit fluffier, as Bowser had turned himself into Meowser.

”Some of them seemed a little nervous around me, so I thought maybe this would help?” he said, scratching himself behind his head self consciously as he did so

”It can’t hurt, I’m sure” Kamek replied naturally, before saying that ”I have a bit of experience with teaching children, so I can see what I can come up with on that front”

After receiving confirmation, Natasha unlocked the door, pressed play on her cassette player, and transformed into a tall ceramic figure with a cauldron body. Hobbling from side to side on her stubby little legs, she exited the office room and headed for the kitchen. Immediately everyone set up a cheer, all pretenses of propriety dropped as everything turned to anticipatory chaos. Already the Koopas could begin to get a grasp of everyone’s personalities; the four super-energetic Kaka Kittens were always at the forefront, while the fluffy-tailed koboldling always hung toward the back in complete silence. The Zora was timid and often left behind, but sweet, while the cyclopean alien kid was an annoying loudmouth, never far from a mischievous woodland sprite. As eager as everyone was for dinner, they seemed even more interested in Bowser and Kamek, crowding around them and pushing one another around with all their voices going at once. Possibly due to Natasha being unable to talk as a monster, it seemed like the children here could use some discipline. It was time for the volunteers to introduce themselves.

”Alright children, settle down for just a moment” Kamek requested, sticking close to his king to avoid getting crowded too badly, before introducing them both.

”My name is Kamek, and I’m something of a wizard, while this now fluffy fellow is Bowser” the king gave a wave and a ”Howdy” the pair of them having agreed to not make any mention of the King’s royalty so as to keep things simple ”We will be taking care of you while your usual minder sees to preparing dinner”

”Now then, now that you know our names, how about we go around the room so we can learn who all of you are?”

”Mmm, and how about we start with you” Bowser suggested, pointing out one of the excitable Kittens so as to not leave them impatient, or startle the shyer ones,but fully intending to work though everyone.

As one might expect, the kittens introduced themselves in a cacophony of high-pitched voices laden with verbal tics, each trying to one-up and be heard over the others. Though it took some doing, the Koopas managed to assign each a name after a few moments: the one with the green bow was Cali-Kaka, Feisty-Kaka had the blue, Fluffy-Kaka had the orange, and Spotty-Kaka had the pink. The two troublemakers were quick to introduce themselves, the cyclops as Peepers and the hat-wearing flute player as Skull Kid, evidently thick as thieves. Up next was Small, the energetic orange critter. After introducing himself as Ugu, the young goblin also introduced the kobold as Ga Bu, since the little guy didn’t seem inclined to speak for himself. Tentatively the Zora introduced herself as Finley, after which the two spectrobes announced themselves as Zen and, confusingly, Zora. The two snickering Subling siblings gave their names as Pitch and Dark, though Skull Kid immediately whispered to Kamek that their names were actually Bailey and Jenny. That just left the timid Bakomon, with its entire body covered in cardboard, and Badogai the Baddinyan, who did his very best to look like a delinquent while speaking only a little more crassly than usual.

After that, though, everyone more or less stampeded to the kitchen. Coaldron-Natasha had already filled her basin with water from the sink and was in the process of boiling it, turning it into a delicious broth. Using monster power, it seemed, was an affordable alternative to electric power. At one end of the kitchen lay the door to the pantry, with a crayon sign on it that read ‘Don’t steal! We only have enough to go around if everyone shares!’, but the pantry door lay ajar. Inside, the shelves were almost bare. There was a little bread, a few packets of noodles, a half-empty bag of croutons, some garlic, lentils, carrot, celery, onion, and a few herbs and spices. In the fridge was some meat, mostly chicken but a little beef, as well as cheese. Unfortunately, there were also crumbs on the floor. Someone had already been in here, but for now none of the kids said anything. They began storming the pantry to seize whatever they could to tear up into morsels and throw into tonight’s soup. Some of them, naturally, would just try to eat whatever they got hands on, or start food fights by throwing whatever they didn’t like at other kids they disliked about as much. Voiceless and full of soup, Coaldron-Natasha would struggle to try and oversee everything on her own.

”Oh dear” Kamek commented very generally on the whole situation, while Bowser muttered that he ”Woulda brought food as well if I knew this was gonna be an issue” before doing his best to carefully wade into the mob without stepping on anyone, and act as something of a wedge to try and break up any food fights on his way to blocking the pantry so he could do the food hauling himself.

Kamek meanwhile took to the air atop his broomstick to get an overview of the mob, and then summoned a few hoovering toadies who could drop down, pick up a problem child to either deposit them in a seat or distract them via flying them around the room.

While most of the kids tried helping as best they could, they needed direction to prevent messes and actually accomplish anything. The Kaka Kittens in particular were enthusiastically trying to tackle cooking tasks that their big mitts made tricky, while the Spectrobes didn’t even have hands to help with. Naturally, nobody wanted to set the table, or even get out the utensils and bowls people would need. A few like Ga Bu and Finley just remained passively at a distance, not contributing. Among them were Skull Kid, Peeper, and Baddinyan. After whispering together for a few moments, they split up, and the troublemakers began to cause a ruckus. Peeper tried to take charge of the situation, bossing the other kids around with his loud, nasally voice, while Skull Kid added to the general uproar by playing his flute. While they caused a distraction, Baddinyan snuck around to the shelves and began climbing to get at the cookie jar.

”Oh dear, oh no” Kamek stammered in a little panic, as he tried to direct his minions to put out fires to little success while pinching his forehead. Then the king readjusted how he was thinking about this, and switched tactics and mindsets to that of a boss of mooks.

”Aright, listen up squirts, we’re going to have some order, so you can get fed sooner” the king said with a voice that commanded armies, before reaching a hand over and plucking Baddinyan from their shelf creeping and telling them mre parentally ”and eating sooner means desert sooner” before setting them down.

”Right then. Cali, Feisty, Fluffy, Spotty bowls and plates” he ordered the Kaka kittens, given those were big and more easily handel-able. ”Ugu, Ga Bu, and Finley, help with the food, Dark, Bakomon and Pitch cutlery” because they had more dexterous hands ”Zen and Zora, get the chairs in order” because they were all over and that could be done via handless pushing.

Next ”Peeper, direct traffic and tell me if anyone is goofing off” because it was a less disruptive way of him indulging his desire for power, and someone needed to stop the kids running back and forth from running into each other, ”Baddinyan make sure no one is trying to have dessert or uncooked food before dinner” because who better than a thief to catch, and finally ”Skull kid, give us a marching tune” for some musical accompaniment.

”Everyone got that? Good, then let’s get to it!” he declared, leaving himself and Kamek as overarching supervisors. Right away the Kaka sisters hopped to it, racing to see who could set most places. Ga Bu did not want to help with preparing the ingredients for the stew, but he also didn’t resist when Ugu and Finley tried to coax him into it. Even Natasha helped as much as she could, gentle nudging things -and kids- into place. Pitch and Dark combed the kitchen, collecting every last spoon they could find and passing them to Bako to hold; once they had enough, a jet of steam from Natasha pointed them in the direction of the sink, and the Sublings started washing spoons that Bako then took to the table. Peeper kept bossing and pushing his peers around, and Baddinyan abused his appointment as Cookie Guardian to sneakily help himself, but on the whole the motley crew’s efforts turned a lot more focused and productive. All the while, Skull Kid’s lively playing permeated the whole place, channeled into something constructive rather than denied.

Kamek face-palmed at the decision to put a thief as a guard, but otherwise was rather impressed with his king’s handy work, while the king himself grinned self-assuredly.

Bit by bit the Coaldron filled with ingredients, boiling and simmering until the broth turned a rich greenish-brown, full of vegetables and strips of meat. Knowing the next step, everyone grabbed a bowl from the table and lined up in front of Natasha, jostling for position. She poured out bowlfuls of soup for everyone, including her new helpers. While the bigger kids might need more sustenance, any perceived sign of favoritism would cause issues, so she did her best to dole out equal portions.

All too soon the Coaldron was empty, and as the kids returned to the table to eat Natasha tottered off toward her office. Once hidden within she changed again, and a few moments later returned as a Spitzfyre. Her arrival provoked a chorus of cheers and delighted squeals among most of the children, even the cats, some of whom even left their dinners to rush the goggle-wearing dog down and stroke her fluffy fur. “It’s Burnie,” Finley explained for Kamek and Bowser. “Once we all finish our food, it’s time to play!” She then dug in, supping her soup as fast as she could, and the rest more or less did the same. Burnie sat by the table and waited patiently for everyone to finish.

Bowser, unsurprisingly, finished first given the size disparity, but having seen the state of their larder he did not complain (though his stomach certainly did), while Kamek slowly worked his way through the soup with a speed befitting his age, which at least took the pressure off of any of the slower kids with whom their impatient peers might take issue of their own pace.

“Where are you guys from?” Zen piped up after a few moments. The fiery little monkey’s eyes were wide with curiosity. “Never seen monsters like you before!”

Zora curled up by his bowl with his legs tucked underneath him, looking like a fluffy ball of wool. “Oh, they’ve gotta be from outside! What’s it like out there?”

“Yeah, tell us! Tell us, tell us!” the Kittens chimed in.

”Well, I mean that depends on what bit of the outside you wanna hear about, because we’ve been around a bit. If you just mean outside the city, well then … we’ve been to where the rain comes from” Bowser said, deciding that was maybe a good place to start

”It’s this huuuuge lake inside a massive cavern, and it's got these ancient trees going from these little sand banks alllll the way up to the ceiling. We had to climb down one and it took ages”

”But we’ve also been outside too,” he added, before emphasizing ”I mean really outside, above ground, under the blue sky. Been to a few places on this donut of a world. There’s Alcamoth, which we’re calling home at the moment, which is a city that floats. In the air. Very, uh, white, and with big domes. It’s in this place called the Land of Adventure, that apparently changes every week. New landscape, new creatures, new everything.”

The King wasn’t it had to be said, the best wielder of descriptive language, but he was happy enough to answer questions, and did try his best, even if it was unlikely he could paint a picture with words that could really convey what it was like beyond to these kids who had likely never seen anything beyond their rainy city. At least, not that they remembered anyway.

It was a thought along those lines that gave Kamek pause for thought, the mage wondering, if this world really had existed for far longer than they thought, then where, there children who had been born into it? Perhaps even ones who were children of more than one world. And if so, what would happen to them, if they managed to set everything back to the way it was.

It was a concerning thought, but one blissfully absent from Bowser’s mind as he tried to explain what things were like outside, as well as going and talking about the many strange and wonderful kingdoms that had existed back in their universe.

Most of the kids listened with bated breath as Bowser filled their heads with fantastic images, painting a vivid picture of the skies and seas that underworlders like them could only have ever dreamed of. Even Natasha found herself entranced. Though she possessed distant memories of the crisp blue heavens and the feeling of cold wind on her face, it felt like a lifetime ago. These tales made her homesick, bringing her back to the childhood she herself spent in an orphanage underground before adoption by her overworld family. Losing the sky, the snow, the breeze, and the fresh air all over again hurt, but her heart went out to these poor children who hadn’t the slightest idea what they’d been missing all this time.

When the stories came to an end, playtime began. Interested as the kids had been, none of them had neglected their food, and when Burnie started barking and performing a play-boy the children stuffed in their last couple spoonfuls of lukewarm soup and raced to join in on the fun. In no time Ugu, Pitch, Dark, and Finley were all perched on the Spitzfyre’s back, riding her as she ran around in playful pursuit of the squealing Kaka Kittens, chased in turn by the young spectrobes and Baddinyan. In that fashion they ran all around the orphanage, through its halls, up and down its stairs, and around the common room. The Spitzfyre even consented to chase and fetch a thrown ball, humiliating as that must be for her. Skull Kid and Peeper went off to entertain themselves. When the kids were tired of exercise with Spitzfyre, they settled down in the main room to play with what few toys and games the orphanage possessed, but most of the focus lay on Bowser and Kamek. “C’mon, play with us!” the kittens chorused, hoping their new friends could offer them something fun and new.

”How about a magic trick” Kamek offered, which got a ”Huh,” from Bowser who had thought they’d be doing something else before the mage floated up and whispered a plan into his ear, which earned the mage an ”Oooooh” of understanding from his king, who then hurried to pop into the good doctors office to get his jacket.

While he did that part, Kamek asked ”Now then, could one of you get me a blanket, or a bedsheet, or something of the sort? I’ll need it for the trick. And neatly please, it will have to go back after after all”

The children were off like lightning, scattering in all directions to find and bring back the requested item. Within a minute several groups returned with blankets, working together to drag them along the ground. Small and Ugu ended up riding on a sheet pulled by the spectrobes, although once the Kaka Kittens saw that all four dropped their blanket in order to jump on it for a ride, leaving theirs stopped in its tracks. With Zen and Zora weighed down, Bako pulled ahead with a patched-up quilt thrown over her shoulder, and after reaching Kamek first she offered it to him. That left Pitch, Dark, and Finley in second and third place, though they all seemed too interested in the Magikoopa’s trick to really care. Spitzfyre-Natasha helped pulled the squealing kittens over on their blanket to join the group, and everyone crowded around to see Kamek work his magic.

All that excitement kept eyes conveniently off of Bowser, who shuffled back in just in time to help Kamek run a bit of sleight of hand combined with actual magic.

The children had seen the koopa float, of course, so but now he pulled out all the stops.

”Now, you might not know this, but today is a day of change, or so I have heard. When children both good and bad, get what they deserve.” the mage said with rhyme, as he crafted wisps out of magic to fill the room with glowing motes, and using the same magic he used to color shift his clone to change their hue as well, though that was all the effect it had.

”But that is jumping to the end of the story
And we’ll get back there soon, don’t you worry
Now this city of yours, did you know it once had a king?
his kindness and courage, the people would sing
Yet because of those both, he had to leave for reasons most dire
To tend to the cities roaring inner fire”


As the mage spoke, he made the wisps dance through the air, having them form together to form crude depictions of the tale he was spinning.

”And once he was gone, an imp crept on in
Nasty and rotten and rude as sin
Was he human or swine, or something even stranger?
All I can say, is that to tell him now would have been a great danger
For his tantrums where cruel and creepy
While his minions they were ever so sneaky
Yet the king, still gone one day made some friends
And to them he put the task of fulfilling some ends”


A small horde of colorful whips descended into the room from above, having snuck up into the ceiling while the kids where looking elsewhere

”they snuck down into the city, under cover of night
Ready and willing to fight the good fight
First they made a new ally, atop a great tower
And from him learned the secrets of their foe’s power
First they sniffed through the streets to find the pigs minions, who hid in the dark
And faced them in battle, though for them that was walk in the park
Then into his castle, they strode without fear
Knowing by the next day, all would have reason to cheer
Some went high, and others low
Ready to take part in a two part show”


The ‘fights’ as they were, were a combination of glorified pushing matches, yet by swooping to and fro, they wisps manage to make their conflicts rather dynamic.

”up in the tower, they fought a great battle
One in which the pig thought he would slaughter them like cattle
For control over time, that tyrant did wield
And against that power, there is no shield
Yet with their determination and brawn,
The heroes soldiered on
And with all the strength of a storm
They forced that pig to reveal his true form”


The whips dashed to and fro, the rainbow of warriors facing down a much larger purple foe.

”the battle after that it went on and on
But in the end the pig refused to sing a swan song
Down into the depths, that coward did flee
Yet deep down below, his fate he would see
For they heroes had known, of his little hide away
A place where the pig thought he could stay
Safe and snug, with ill gotten gains
Yet instead what he got was yet more pains
Together, at last they banished him from the lands
And so at last the king could know peace, in his exiled sands”


The large purple whip was ejected by the others, tossed through a window and into the rain, as had been the fate of all those defeated by the heroic wisps, before said heroes returned to bobbing around above the children’s heads as Kamek brought the tale to a close.

”Which brings us back to children getting what they are owed
And the point, dear children, of the story told
You see to steal from your people, that is something quite nasty
But to steal back from a thief, well, about that let's not be hasty
For that pig had taken treasures, oh yes he did
And down in the depths, was where they were hid
Gold and jewels, and yes, even toys
All taken away from good girls and boys
Yet rather than be used for what they were meant: play
These toys dear children where all locked away
And of these toys the heroes knew what should become
Because there were kids not at all like the pig who really deserved them”


”and do you know who those kids are?” Bowser asked, having made plenty of use of the distracting performance to slip some things under the bed sheet they had retrieved at the beginning.

”Well, how about we see?
What these heroes have brought for thee?”


Kamek asked, before, whipping a wand towards the little lump in the bedsheet, the ‘heroes’, the colorful whips, swooping towards it as he did so, and then spiraling around and around it as the lump grew and grew, larger and larger before their very eyes, before they all suddenly vanished up into the ceiling, leaving behind a great mass barely covered by the sheet.

”Go on” Bowser told the children, urging them to unwrap the gift from the ‘heroes’

For a few moments, everyone was silent. Their wonderment and amazement at Kamek’s incredible visual performance and accompanying verse had given way to bamboozled astonishment as he unveiled the hoard of loot. Even Natasha stared, her jaw dropped in bewildered surprise, her jaw practically on the other floor. To the denizens of this orphanage, this was nothing short of a miracle. Could it even be a dream? But when little Ga Bu stepped forward and took hold of a little doll, fashioned after a stocky stone titan, there could be no doubt. This incredible, unexpected windfall was one hundred percent real.

The kids all descended on the pile, shouting and laughing and cheering. Some took everything they could get their hands on, while others seized a favorite and held it tight. There were more than enough to go around–more than anyone could ever want or need. Action figures and sports equipment, toy weapons, board games, blocks and other buildables. It was like every Christmas they’d missed had all come at once. With her head Natasha beckoned Bowser and Kamek to share in the joy, and even she joined the romp. It wasn’t just the Koopas paying the children of the orphanage a visit; it was happiness and plenty themselves.

Some time later, Bowser and Kamek reconvened in Natasha’s office. When the woman turned back, her eyes were red, and her cheeks were wet with tears not of sadness, but of joy. “What…what could I possibly say? There’s nothing I could say that would even begin to express my gratitude,” she said, her brows curved upward. “A-and even less I can do to repay you.” One at a time she went to each Koopa and delivered a heartfelt hug. “But thank you. From the bottom of my heart. Seeing such joy on their face…” Sniffing, she composed herself, and put on a smile. “Well. It’s not much longer until bedtime. I’m sure everyone wants to play with their new toys until they topple over, but they’ll be there in the morning. We need to get everyone ready for bed. The kittens will probably zonk out and need to be carried. We’ll have to brush Small’s teeth, I guarantee it. He’ll have hidden the toothpaste…again…” Stifling a yawn, Natasha steadied herself against her desk. “I…whoooo...oh, forgive me. I’m so very tired.” She reached up to put her headset back on, only to place it back on the desk. “Please go ahead. I’ll be right behind you…just a second to put myself together…”

The two looked a little embarrassed by this heartfelt praise, with Bowser trying to brush it off like it was not such a big deal seeing as to him ”It just felt like the right thing to do, I guess?”

Then they stepped out to give the good doctor a moment or five to recover and saw about either hedging or transporting the children to bed, with Bowser doing much of the latter, the king making for an adorable sight with armfuls of kittens at one point in the process. A few of the others did need to be encouraged to leave the toys be and to head to bed, which was eventually achieved via suggesting they pick out a stuffed animal (or monster) to take with them, which saw Finley carrying a stuffed shark as large as they were with her to bed, among other cute displays of plushy selection and affection.

As that occurred, Kamek had some wisps sniff out the toothpaste for him, the motes, glowing softly with orange hues of sunset, eventually tracking it down to under Small’s own very own pillow.

When finally confronted, Small stared bug-eyed at the pink tube in the Koopa’s hand. “Uh oh, you found the toothpaste!?” He held up his hands placatingly, backing up against the bathroom wall as he jabbed one shaky finger into the air. “L-let’s get one thing clear! I can brush my teeth all by myself, okay?”

”Then I’m sure you can be a big boy and prove that to me then, yes? After all, a mouth of pearly white pointy teeth can look ever so fierce” the old koopa replied, trying the tactic that had gotten both Bowser and his son to take their dental hygiene properly.

In the end though, Small would not be talked into it. Moreover, this whole tooth-brushing ritual seemed to be a sort of game to him. He hopped around the bathroom like a march hare, avoiding the toothbrush like Kamek was ‘it’ in a game of tag. Ultimately, the Magikoopa had to get a little more hands-on. Once finally caught and brushed, Small struggled and spat, frothing at the mouth from the pink toothpaste foam, but before long his pearl whites were sparkling and he slunk off to bed with the last of his energy spent. Bowser and Kamek got the chance to tuck everyone in and say goodnight. It was all very cute, but they couldn’t help but notice two things: that Natasha wasn’t here helping, and that Ga Bu was missing.

When they went back downstairs, the two Koopas quickly found out why. The door to the doctor’s office was ajar, and inside they discovered a remarkable scene. After sitting down in her chair, Natasha had passed right out from exhaustion, and was now snoring softly. In her lap lay the missing Kobold with his toy, his little head laid on the woman’s chest as her arms wrapped instinctively around him. Both were sleeping peacefully.

After resisting the temptation to “awww” at the sight, the two stepped away, only for Kamek to return a few moments later, quietly drifting through the air and then laying a blanket over the pair so they would stay warm through the night time period. Then the two quietly saw themselves out of the orphanage, not at all concerned that they would not be able to receive the ‘repayment’ mentioned in the commissions board notice by doing this.

Bowser stretched and yawned wide once they were clear, it having been a tiring ending to an already tiring day ”I am beat. And still kinda hungry”

”Mmm, I agree, that was quite the task. Hopefully we’ve brightened up their world a little bit however” Kamek replied to his king, before noting that ”That said, our work is not quite done, as we have two final children that need to be put to bed”

”They’re good, right?” the king asked, having not had the mental energy while handling all the other kids to think about how the two of them were off on their own. He was sure that together, they’d be fine, but he worried a little still.

”They’ve been on their own little adventure, but I’m directing them back to us now” the mage informed his king, relieving him of his stress.

”Good, then let’s link up, grab some midnight snacks, and then hit the hay” the king commanded, to which Kamek agreed with a ”As you will it, sire” before the two headed back off into the rainy city’s streets once again.
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