The grief and pain was staggering almost making Cora collapse. She saw Evin, or what she assumed was Evin, for a split second then she knew Lo had asked about him. Cora dropped the wall she had put up earlier and let his emotions wash down the bond. It was like lancing a wound that was infected.
Lo was faster than Cora expected on the hard questions. Cora passed Dominik the good emotions from her years as his Padawan. Happiness, joy, acceptance, peace and love. She walked over to the pair and sat down to join them. She looked at Lo and smiled. "Gently. You have time Padawan. I think patients should be doing what their Healer advised them."
Cora was still drawing in the negative emotions and pushing the positive ones back at Dominik down the bond. The power behind them was stunning. She hoped they were all spilling this way. The negativity she was drawing in, she distantly realized, was something she would have to inquire as to if Lo had that ability. Lo was not ready for that yet though. Healing mental trauma was more suited to those with Empathic abilities. Fortunately, or unfortunately as the case may be Cora has that skill set as well.
Dominik felt another Light push back the darkness not long after Lo asked her previous question. Dominik was not one to allow others in, he never had been. This conversation only further backed his reasoning as to why. He was also not one to let others see his emotions. He was supposed to be the leader, be the one that anyone could go to at any moment should they have trouble. How could he do that if he let his emotions reflect on the surface. He was not mad at Lo for asking such questions, but he was regretting opening up so quickly.
As Cora came near and sat down next to them, Dominik didn't move. His face buried in one hand while he sat cross-legged next to Lo. The other hand simply rested on the other knee. To others, it would look like a very uncomfortable position to e slouched in. But the Master Jedi did not care on that moment.
"Cora, this was a bad idea."
Though Dominik kept the full force of his pain back, pieces slipped through. They impaled her in ways she didn't understand or knew how to deal with. The new input of emotions caused her stand up and promptly walk away. She couldn't stand the suffocation it brought or the fact she caused it.
Holding up a hand Cora stopped the girl's feet in her tracks. "So? You run from a test and you will never be a Knight Padawan. Yes I understand how painful this is but if you walk away you turn your back on an opportunity to make a difference. So tell me Padawan, why are you walking away? Did you even think of how your Master would feel being walked away from? Let me tell you how this plays out."
Breathing deeply Cora went on. "You walk away he blames himself. He closes off further. He never allows anyone in. Eventually he falls prey to the Darkside. You dear girl, walk away doubting every single breath you take. You look back on this as this colors your view of life. You spiral down and never achieve Knighthood. Stopping the conversation, while yes a good idea, you do not walk away."
Dominik allowed as many positive emotions over as he could as Cora continued to push them through their bond. His breathing was staggered as he attempted to reign in his emotions. He knew Lo would want to talk again, he knew that curiosity was still there and he did not want to hide it from her. But the older Jedi realized he needed time.
Lo hated Cora's wisdom and the fact, her own heart screamed at her to leave. She wanted to protest, they... no, she needed space. Instead, her shoulders slouched as she moved back and folded her legs up to sit down. Silence became Cora's answer to the question she asked. Lo’s head bowed down as she rested her arms onto her legs, locked within her inner thoughts. For the moment, the student reflected a mirror image of her master in the worst way.
Shaking her head Cora dropped her hand gracefully letting go of Stasis as she noticed Lo's attempts to move. She sighed, most of her concentration was on Dominik and she had a battle on her hands at present. So it didn't help that she and Lo did not have a bond as of yet, so Cora could not shield Lo from the few pieces of Dominik’s brittle emotions giving Lo a glancing blow at best. Cora was starting to struggle with them herself since there was so much self recrimination, guilt, regret, sorrow and pain. Perhaps she, who'd also lost a Padawan, should have been the one to bring up Evin.
Cora looked over at Lo pouting because she had not gotten her way. "Fine. Do not answer and sulk Padawan. When you wish to learn you may wish to reconsider your attitude. You may leave if that is your desire. That is too bad this would have been a great demonstration for you to watch. Plus you could have helped me. As I stated earlier, you may go if you so wish."
Lo's fingers curled into fists. Cora wasn't wrong. Lo wanted to leave, wanted to lash out, and stop feeling altogether. Everything lately seemed to be against her, and she didn't understand why. Deep down, she knew Evin had died and that had allowed her to become Dominik's padawan. Otherwise, she doubted she would be with him now.
Again, she inhaled trying to push her own issues aside. She wished it had been easier than this.
"He needs time. " She again tried to manage her own issues.
"I doubt I'm helping while being present and I need to try to regain control. I'm adding fuel to the fire until I can meditate. Sometimes space is needed and a lesson absorbed to learn from it."
Looking back at Dominik then to Lo, Cora nodded sharply. She would allow it. The Padawan was not ready to learn yet. It was not Lo's fault, no that blame could be left squarely on Dominik’s shoulders. He had not taken her in hand and let the girl get used to a routine that did not include training, that was in all aspects self study of a sort. "Meditation is always good to center oneself. If you are so inclined I would be happy to show you some lightsaber forms and see where you are with those."
“Let me think on it. Any decision right now is ill-advised. Right now, I just want Master Rothul to feel better and I need to take some time to think. Will you be upset if I still chose to leave?” Lo asked, not daring to rise back to her feet.
Smiling faintly Cora shook her head. Giving Lo permission to leave. The girl could not stay for this next part unless she was ready, which she wasn't.
Without hesitation, Lo pulled up on her feet then quickly walked away.
Cora waited till Lo was out of range then turned to Dominik. "Protect your Padawan, Rothul. You are not some green Knight with their first Padawan. I cannot fathom why you let that happen. Now we are just getting started here. Why is this such an issue Dom? Is this why you're struggling with your Padawan?"
"I did as you asked, Cora. I tried to let her in." He said, taking in a deep breath as he attempted to calm himself still. "This is why I could never let you in, it's why I wasn't ready to open up to her. I hold in far too much pain. More than a Jedi should and I fear for what it can do to others."
The older Jedi finally lifted his head, looking at Cora. His eyes reflected the exhaustion he felt, both mentally and physically. He had held back so much emotion in their conversation. Some of it had cracked, had leaked through into his bond with Cora and with Lo. There was so much more that had been ready to burst, but the older Jedi held it back. He closed it up just like it had been for years on end. This is why he had never wanted to open up. It was why most older Jedi didn't open up; there was too much emotion and pain that could harm those they cared for. It wasn't worth the risk.
Cora lifted her chin in a determined fashion. "You are so stubborn. You only think about your pain. What about our pain? If you bury something like this it does not heal. It festers. Grows larger than it should have. You romanticize the incident and the connection to it. You foster the feelings behind it to multiply and they do, at an alarming rate. So now you have a Rancor to deal with rather than a Lo-cat. Talk to me. There is at least one story I need to share as well."
Dominik remained quiet for a few long moments. He tried to push back the painful memories that were surfacing in his mind. They started to lead farther back into his past. To Alderaan, the siege, his capture and his torture. A spark of pain ran through the man's body at those memories of being in Sith hands. He visibly winced, eyes closed as he tried to push away those memories; those nightmares.
"I can't Cora. Not here." He spoke, the pain in his voice almost tangible and he pushed everything down inside.
Reaching out Cora covered his hand with her small one. "Dom it will always be, not here, not now, maybe later. There is no truly conventional time to speak of what bothers you. You can but you will not. There is a massive difference. If we wait too much longer I fear you shall have more reason to withdraw."
Dominik wanted to talk, but he didn't want the emotions from his past boil over into his bond with Lo. He couldn't let them. The older Jedi took a deep breath. His ears caught footsteps and he looked up and behind him. Two older Twi'lek approached Cora and himself. Dominik immediately recognized them through the dim light as two of the warrior leaders. "Master Jedi, the evening meeting will begin shortly. Sar wanted to know if you were attending." One of them asked, looking from Dominik to Cora, then back again.
Cora watched as Dominik struggled to stand. Rising quickly she placed a hand on his arm. "You should be doing what I asked of you. I can take over for a bit. You might even like it." Cora smiled weakly.
She turned toward the Twi'lek. "Master Rothul needs to rest I shall accompany you to this meeting." Looking back over at Dominik she squeezed his arm affectionately then nodded to his hut letting go and following the Twi'lek.
Dominik managed to return a weak smile back to Cora as she took off with the Twi'lek. He appreciated everything she had ever done for him, and he was grateful she was here now. Taking a few moments to balance himself, Dominik watched as Cora made it to the center of the cavern and joined the leaders in the daily meeting. He took a deep breath, looking towards his hut, and started walking.
Lo was faster than Cora expected on the hard questions. Cora passed Dominik the good emotions from her years as his Padawan. Happiness, joy, acceptance, peace and love. She walked over to the pair and sat down to join them. She looked at Lo and smiled. "Gently. You have time Padawan. I think patients should be doing what their Healer advised them."
Cora was still drawing in the negative emotions and pushing the positive ones back at Dominik down the bond. The power behind them was stunning. She hoped they were all spilling this way. The negativity she was drawing in, she distantly realized, was something she would have to inquire as to if Lo had that ability. Lo was not ready for that yet though. Healing mental trauma was more suited to those with Empathic abilities. Fortunately, or unfortunately as the case may be Cora has that skill set as well.
Dominik felt another Light push back the darkness not long after Lo asked her previous question. Dominik was not one to allow others in, he never had been. This conversation only further backed his reasoning as to why. He was also not one to let others see his emotions. He was supposed to be the leader, be the one that anyone could go to at any moment should they have trouble. How could he do that if he let his emotions reflect on the surface. He was not mad at Lo for asking such questions, but he was regretting opening up so quickly.
As Cora came near and sat down next to them, Dominik didn't move. His face buried in one hand while he sat cross-legged next to Lo. The other hand simply rested on the other knee. To others, it would look like a very uncomfortable position to e slouched in. But the Master Jedi did not care on that moment.
"Cora, this was a bad idea."
Though Dominik kept the full force of his pain back, pieces slipped through. They impaled her in ways she didn't understand or knew how to deal with. The new input of emotions caused her stand up and promptly walk away. She couldn't stand the suffocation it brought or the fact she caused it.
Holding up a hand Cora stopped the girl's feet in her tracks. "So? You run from a test and you will never be a Knight Padawan. Yes I understand how painful this is but if you walk away you turn your back on an opportunity to make a difference. So tell me Padawan, why are you walking away? Did you even think of how your Master would feel being walked away from? Let me tell you how this plays out."
Breathing deeply Cora went on. "You walk away he blames himself. He closes off further. He never allows anyone in. Eventually he falls prey to the Darkside. You dear girl, walk away doubting every single breath you take. You look back on this as this colors your view of life. You spiral down and never achieve Knighthood. Stopping the conversation, while yes a good idea, you do not walk away."
Dominik allowed as many positive emotions over as he could as Cora continued to push them through their bond. His breathing was staggered as he attempted to reign in his emotions. He knew Lo would want to talk again, he knew that curiosity was still there and he did not want to hide it from her. But the older Jedi realized he needed time.
Lo hated Cora's wisdom and the fact, her own heart screamed at her to leave. She wanted to protest, they... no, she needed space. Instead, her shoulders slouched as she moved back and folded her legs up to sit down. Silence became Cora's answer to the question she asked. Lo’s head bowed down as she rested her arms onto her legs, locked within her inner thoughts. For the moment, the student reflected a mirror image of her master in the worst way.
Shaking her head Cora dropped her hand gracefully letting go of Stasis as she noticed Lo's attempts to move. She sighed, most of her concentration was on Dominik and she had a battle on her hands at present. So it didn't help that she and Lo did not have a bond as of yet, so Cora could not shield Lo from the few pieces of Dominik’s brittle emotions giving Lo a glancing blow at best. Cora was starting to struggle with them herself since there was so much self recrimination, guilt, regret, sorrow and pain. Perhaps she, who'd also lost a Padawan, should have been the one to bring up Evin.
Cora looked over at Lo pouting because she had not gotten her way. "Fine. Do not answer and sulk Padawan. When you wish to learn you may wish to reconsider your attitude. You may leave if that is your desire. That is too bad this would have been a great demonstration for you to watch. Plus you could have helped me. As I stated earlier, you may go if you so wish."
Lo's fingers curled into fists. Cora wasn't wrong. Lo wanted to leave, wanted to lash out, and stop feeling altogether. Everything lately seemed to be against her, and she didn't understand why. Deep down, she knew Evin had died and that had allowed her to become Dominik's padawan. Otherwise, she doubted she would be with him now.
Again, she inhaled trying to push her own issues aside. She wished it had been easier than this.
"He needs time. " She again tried to manage her own issues.
"I doubt I'm helping while being present and I need to try to regain control. I'm adding fuel to the fire until I can meditate. Sometimes space is needed and a lesson absorbed to learn from it."
Looking back at Dominik then to Lo, Cora nodded sharply. She would allow it. The Padawan was not ready to learn yet. It was not Lo's fault, no that blame could be left squarely on Dominik’s shoulders. He had not taken her in hand and let the girl get used to a routine that did not include training, that was in all aspects self study of a sort. "Meditation is always good to center oneself. If you are so inclined I would be happy to show you some lightsaber forms and see where you are with those."
“Let me think on it. Any decision right now is ill-advised. Right now, I just want Master Rothul to feel better and I need to take some time to think. Will you be upset if I still chose to leave?” Lo asked, not daring to rise back to her feet.
Smiling faintly Cora shook her head. Giving Lo permission to leave. The girl could not stay for this next part unless she was ready, which she wasn't.
Without hesitation, Lo pulled up on her feet then quickly walked away.
Cora waited till Lo was out of range then turned to Dominik. "Protect your Padawan, Rothul. You are not some green Knight with their first Padawan. I cannot fathom why you let that happen. Now we are just getting started here. Why is this such an issue Dom? Is this why you're struggling with your Padawan?"
"I did as you asked, Cora. I tried to let her in." He said, taking in a deep breath as he attempted to calm himself still. "This is why I could never let you in, it's why I wasn't ready to open up to her. I hold in far too much pain. More than a Jedi should and I fear for what it can do to others."
The older Jedi finally lifted his head, looking at Cora. His eyes reflected the exhaustion he felt, both mentally and physically. He had held back so much emotion in their conversation. Some of it had cracked, had leaked through into his bond with Cora and with Lo. There was so much more that had been ready to burst, but the older Jedi held it back. He closed it up just like it had been for years on end. This is why he had never wanted to open up. It was why most older Jedi didn't open up; there was too much emotion and pain that could harm those they cared for. It wasn't worth the risk.
Cora lifted her chin in a determined fashion. "You are so stubborn. You only think about your pain. What about our pain? If you bury something like this it does not heal. It festers. Grows larger than it should have. You romanticize the incident and the connection to it. You foster the feelings behind it to multiply and they do, at an alarming rate. So now you have a Rancor to deal with rather than a Lo-cat. Talk to me. There is at least one story I need to share as well."
Dominik remained quiet for a few long moments. He tried to push back the painful memories that were surfacing in his mind. They started to lead farther back into his past. To Alderaan, the siege, his capture and his torture. A spark of pain ran through the man's body at those memories of being in Sith hands. He visibly winced, eyes closed as he tried to push away those memories; those nightmares.
"I can't Cora. Not here." He spoke, the pain in his voice almost tangible and he pushed everything down inside.
Reaching out Cora covered his hand with her small one. "Dom it will always be, not here, not now, maybe later. There is no truly conventional time to speak of what bothers you. You can but you will not. There is a massive difference. If we wait too much longer I fear you shall have more reason to withdraw."
Dominik wanted to talk, but he didn't want the emotions from his past boil over into his bond with Lo. He couldn't let them. The older Jedi took a deep breath. His ears caught footsteps and he looked up and behind him. Two older Twi'lek approached Cora and himself. Dominik immediately recognized them through the dim light as two of the warrior leaders. "Master Jedi, the evening meeting will begin shortly. Sar wanted to know if you were attending." One of them asked, looking from Dominik to Cora, then back again.
Cora watched as Dominik struggled to stand. Rising quickly she placed a hand on his arm. "You should be doing what I asked of you. I can take over for a bit. You might even like it." Cora smiled weakly.
She turned toward the Twi'lek. "Master Rothul needs to rest I shall accompany you to this meeting." Looking back over at Dominik she squeezed his arm affectionately then nodded to his hut letting go and following the Twi'lek.
Dominik managed to return a weak smile back to Cora as she took off with the Twi'lek. He appreciated everything she had ever done for him, and he was grateful she was here now. Taking a few moments to balance himself, Dominik watched as Cora made it to the center of the cavern and joined the leaders in the daily meeting. He took a deep breath, looking towards his hut, and started walking.