No words tugged at her lips as she stared ahead of her, though the woman failed to really soak in her surroundings. She paid no mind to the people who she passed, to the birds perched up on various lamp posts and tree limbs. She paid no mind to the redhead beside her, only her body moving, her mind somewhere more distant, out of reach. The pace was slow almost painful for the blue haired reaper as she remained unaware of time around her, uncaring in regards to the task at hand, the mystery that needed to be solved that was also now erasing Botan's will to do anything, much less converse with classmates, Kurama or even Shiori. Though she was hungry, there was no point in her mind to eat, to nourish herself when she felt so unworthy, so lost, so far away from everything and everyone.
What was the point?
Upon arriving at school, she remained unfocused, disconnected to the stares that followed her and Kuram's movements. Botan didn't engage in any conversation, her eyes adverting away from faces as she folded her arms across her chest in a meek and protective manner. Class itself was boring and only caused her mind to further sink further into depths previously unknown to the usually cheerful reaper. 'I feel...nothing. Numb.' She thought to herself. Sighing deeply, there was a heaviness atop her chest. It seemed with each breath, Botan felt a struggle to refill her lungs with oxygen. 'I feel...alone, I can't help anyone. I can't save anyone. All I do is burden those around me...Kurama, Yusuke, Koenma, Hiei, Genkai, Yukina...they would be better without me.' She closed her eyes, tuning out whatever concept of Chemistry was being presented to her and the rest of the class.
Botan stayed quiet as the time continued to creep along. 'What am I doing here?' She wondered, barely able to remember the case at hand. Her memory was beginning to fail her, finding zero motivation in doing anything. 'I can't do this anymore. Life would move on without me, without me getting in the way. Anyone can ferry souls. Anyone can put on a smile. Anyone can replacement. I am...replaceable. I am unimportant.' As class began to wind down, she opened her eyes, slowly approaching a solemn conclusion. 'I don't belong here...there's no point in struggling...' She realized as she began to notice students packing up.
It was lunchtime.
No longer feeling Kurama's eyes upon her, she took the opportunity to act. Gathering her things, she headed out, choosing to ignore the nagging hunger inside her stomach, not going towards the cafeteria but instead heading towards the gym. Botan had a sad resolve in her eyes as she brushed past a few hormonal teenage boys who turned to watch her continue walking away. Botan made her way through the gymnasium and headed out to the pool in the back, on the side of the school's large grounds. She dropped her things, not caring where they handed as she moved over to the high diving board, climbing up the ladder with unwavering focus. A few students had just finished changing back into their maroon uniforms and gave the girl a quizzical glance before they continued off to get lunch.
Once at the top, she paused, as if suddenly feeling the light wind against her face. The woman surveyed the pool area, it was now vacant. She got up and steadied herself on the plastic white board that overlooked to pool from several feet in the air. Botan took four steps and stood near the edge of the diving board, her round eyes staring down at the pool beneath her. 'I just jump and wait for this all to be over.' She told herself. 'No more feeling lost and disappointing everyone. No more work or school. Everything will be over. Life will move on.' She didn't care about what her death would mean to those around her. Nor did she care about her job or the case she was supposed to be focused on.
As she emptied her mind, she felt almost a calmness overtake her. Botan jumped and within seconds she felt the cold water hit her, the waves crashing around her as the pool swallowed her up. The blue haired woman didn't bother to tread water and instead allowed her body to sink beneath the water's surface. Her eyelids fell as she felt her chest tighten, trying to find air. But upon finding none, she began to feel lightheaded. She had no more thoughts as she felt darkness surround her. Meanwhile the students who had seen Botan prior to her jumping in, had moved back into the main part of the school.
"Hey Shuichi, you better go get your girlfriend. She looked like she was going for a swim...?" One of the boys mentioned. Another boy nudged him, chiming in that they should grab lunch and go back to the pool to check it out, obviously not feeling quite polite enough to keep his comments about Shuichi's girlfriend to himself. As Botan sank towards the bottom of the pool, she accepted her fate, her mind unable to fully comprehend what was going on or what she had done, or even why she had done it. The one pulling her strings was in control and this seemed to be the only way to severe them and feel at peace.