Bepo Park
Today was particularly cold. Thursdays generally sucked for Casey in the first place, as they were one of the days he was training the newest security recruits. Young Adepts of the Temple getting their first jobs in the “family duties” that spread work across their inner sanctum. Fill an office here, put a couple people with the right degrees somewhere else; all of a sudden a small organization can very effectively control much larger operations from within their own scope.
Distribution of labor, but equal distribution of applied pressure upon young people who had the choice to leave. The goal was to keep them in the system, as guarded away from the outside as possible. Frankly, he didn’t know what the fuck was coming at this point. Not after the things that had been said a few days ago. However, time waited for no man or machination. While things had gone belly up seemingly, there was still a memo for the next meeting in Casey’s inbox that night, along with that classic Lynette non-apology.
Thus, they were in Beppo Park on the Northern edge of the city. The car was warm at least, and would stay that way while they waited for the others who would be joining them. Having not slept in the last couple of days, Casey was dealing with less and less time between meals before he experienced agitation. While the magical food did wonders at staving off sleep, the body became more and more ravenous to compensate.
So they were there early, and Casey was stuffing his face with last night’s dinner rolls.
”Look, I know just as well as any soldier that plans only make it so far… But can we at least talk about how we can present a unified front here? Like, y’know, obviously Tansy’s not gonna flirt with me in front of my Mom, right? Or, do you think she will? And even then, like, if she’s provoking you clearly, should I react?”
He was speaking through mouthfuls of bread, pre-buttered but once-more cold which just about entirely defeated the point.
Trisha sat with her legs pulled up to her chest, arms wrapped around them. The classic anxious Trisha posture. Her head rested on her knees, turned to watch Casey with a slight smile. She was trying to enjoy just looking at him for a moment… the short period of peace. Tired as she was, even him stuffing his face was cute. While she had slept, it hadn’t been much or good sleep. Without him there to hug her it was difficult to get to and stay asleep…
“If she thinks she can get away with flirting with you in front of Lynette, she will,” Trisha said, already tense posture getting tenser. Her fingers dug into her legs, through the thick material of her dark green corduroy pants.
“I think… No, don’t react. We should try to stay calm.”
It seemed incredibly unrealistic when she’d blown up a few days ago. She hadn’t been prepared for what Lynette said then… but she was more prepared when it came to Tansy. Hopefully. It was difficult.
“I don’t know, but they’re both trying to get us to react. So I think… if you can help me stay calm? And I’ll help you. So we can be united.” Would it even work? Would she be able to not react? She’d managed it around Lynette a few times, but it would be difficult not to just sink into the normal sullen way she acted around Tansy.
“But… I don’t know if I can handle them both, Casey…”
Casey shrugged his shoulders, letting a blast of White Lux rock off into the distance to hunt for a return from Lynette. It took a while, but she sent back something that felt like a hug. Whether or not that was her way of being funny or actual genuine affection was never something Casey could discern.
”You can, and you will… Because we will do it together. And, besides, Lynette’s unpredictable. We can’t know for sure she’ll be in that kind of mood today. And I brought some alcohol for her-”
Casey reached into his coat and pulled out a flask, jiggling it around and letting the alcohol within slosh around.
”-so that she can at least turn off a bit. You want a tug?” he asked, offering it to Trisha.
It was tempting. So tempting… But for Trisha drinking was a risk. How she was varied. Normally it made things more extreme, whatever way they went.
“Thanks, but I don’t want to risk it… I might react more.” Trisha shook her head. She shuffled a bit in her seat closer to him. For a moment, she just looked at him. Then, after some consideration, she decided ‘fuck it.’
She stepped over the centre console, awkwardly clambering onto his lap. Immediately her body twisted around as she burrowed in against him.
“Being close to you is more helpful. I… I know it’ll be fine if we do it together. Tansy will definitely be difficult… but I guess there’s nothing she can say that Lynette doesn’t already know. She definitely won’t like what we want to do. We could want to do something perfectly in line with her, and she’d still pick it apart.”
”At least Mom liked the beer garden carnival aesthetic. The theme wasn’t the problem for her, so she’ll be on our side for that unless Tansy really blows her away. And there’d have to be way more pumpkins involved.” Casey sighed, shaking his head.
”We just have to stay firm on what we want. It shouldn’t be too hard, I just… I can’t believe she’s actually going to do it. Lynette… The thing.”
He’d been expressly told to not refer to the happening as anything else. He couldn’t even say Maria without Trisha breaking down into a fervor.
Trisha’s body shook a little bit, and her lips pressed together. Even it being mentioned so vaguely was enough to cause her panic, even if it was the kind she could handle without a full blown anxiety attack.
“It’ll be fine. She won’t come. She’s too busy.” It was what Trisha had been saying to comfort herself. But… wouldn’t both be bad? Either she came at the behest of someone else, or cared so little to not bother. Either way, Trisha lost.
“I just don’t understand what Lynette gains from it,” she continued quietly. She tensed up more. Just to make her suffer?
“Maybe she won’t. Maybe today it won’t be mentioned at all, and she actually won’t.”
Casey stuffed another roll into his mouth, reaching down and grabbing his diet soda to wash it down with. Regretting every second of drinking the disgusting sludge, he wished he’d at least sprung for the actual non-diet drink. What was the stress worth otherwise? Protecting Trisha was the only thing…
”I can take a guess if you actually want my input…” he offered to her, taking a deep breath. He didn’t want to say torture, but it felt like that.
Trisha furrowed her brow. Did she want that, or would she rather just not know? No, she had to know so she could deal with it a little better. Not that she wanted to deal with it at all… fuck, she’d rather just forget about it. But she couldn’t.
“I do… why would I bring it up if I didn’t?” She replied a bit shortly, before catching herself. No, no, she didn’t want to take it out on Casey. She needed him more than anything right now. Take a deep breath, calm down a bit. He hadn’t meant anything by if you actually want. He wasn’t trying to set her off.
“Sorry, I’m anxious, I didn’t mean to snap.”
Casey nodded his head in understanding.
”I appreciate you saying that… Apology accepted.”
His free hand reached out to cup Trisha’s as best he could.
”Mum’s got two speeds. Mom, and Lynette. Like two people living in the same body, they’ve got some crossover on things. For her, she’s… Gurdjieffian. She’s always looking to put people into mental grapples. She needs to see the strain.”
What was worse is that he knew why. Her parents hadn’t exactly been the greatest when it came to sheltering their own kids. Plenty of mental anguish. Plenty of not understanding. He didn’t love thinking about the grandparents he never met when the only information he had of them was through accidental transference and purposeful stories.
”Domination. To see if you break, or if you rise. The more you break, the more of a tool you are. The more you rise, the more she respects you. To a certain extent, at least.”
Not that she had a great deal longer to make herself a nuisance to them. Come next year, he wasn’t even sure what life would look like…
Casey let another ping rock across the sky, and got a near immediate response. It wasn’t long before the Limo was pulling up. He only really had enough time to stash his rolls and wipe his fingers on a stray napkin. Without thinking, he leaned over to give Trisha a kiss, then patted her on the leg.
”Just… Remember. Unified front. We’re not gonna stoop to any bait they throw for us.”
He spoke with intent, looking her directly in the eye as he did so. And then he was out of the car, moving around to open Trisha’s door.
As the two got out, the Limo driver was making the same motion to let the rear door swing open.
A well-manicured hand with nails painted in a toxic lime green emerged from the backseat of the limo. It made a ‘come here’ motion when the chauffeur didn’t immediately offer his hand out and struck like a cobra as a white glove was extended out to it. The owner of the hand emerged from the limousine like the girl from the Ring, slowly and ominously, with her other hand clawing at the frame of the car to steady herself, except instead of a drowned girl it was a middle aged woman who looked like she had been ripped directly out of an advert from the fifties. It made the trendy, oversized, rose gold water bottle look even more anachronistic as it struggled to be held in the other hand. It was like the wrong accessory had been dropped in the Barbie box.
Tansy Vanburen withdrew her hand from the chauffeur’s like it was fire without even giving him as much as a nod of appreciation. There was a slight wobble to her step as she distanced herself from the help, smoothing out the part of her orange button-up sweater that had become bunched from sitting. Then again, perhaps she was just using it to wipe off her hand, as she immediately hid the sweater behind her periwinkle princess coat as she rebuttoned it, the long wool jacket just a bit too tight around the midsection and squeezing her like an overstuffed sausage. A small fascinator decorated with lace and ribbons like one would wear to a tea party was clipped to her hair.
“Pa-tri-cia~! Darling~!”
Trisha didn't quite cover up her reactionary grimace, not even acknowledging it. In the effort of staying calm… better to be rude and ignore Tansy than immediately snap.
Not far behind her, Lynette had pulled herself out of the back and out into the cold November air. Immediately, Casey was stunned by a flash of actual color. Something more human, Lynette wore a pair of emerald wide-legged pants and a dark chocolate blazer that covered up a lighter cream blouse. As she stepped out fully, she slipped a wide-brimmed hat from the seat and let it rest atop her tightly rolled hair buns.
As she turned fully, it became more clear that the coat was sashed together around the neck like a cloak, and her arms were otherwise withdrawn fully under its warmth.
”Oh, didn’t I tell you he’d force them to be early? I think that’s a point for me, Tansy…” Lynette smiled smugly, approaching her son and Trisha with some serious energy and gusto. Two things she never seemed to lack in the face of outsiders.
“Chalk one up on the scoreboard,” said Tansy, her laugh nothing more than a bit of air moving through her teeth as she smiled broadly at Lynette. The smile faded as the Matriarch of the Richoux family moved towards her son, Tansy’s eyes narrowing as she stared down the woman. With a bat of her lashes the predatory stare switched from Lynette to Trisha as she took a long, sucking sip from her waterbottle’s straw, broadcasting a series of blinks at her young half-sister in some kind of uncrackable code.
Blink, blink, blink, blink blink: Don’t.
Lynette reached out and up to pinch Casey’s cheek slightly before getting up on her tiptoes to kiss his face.
”Hello, Sweetheart. How’s work been?”
Casey couldn’t help but play the role. At least he’d do his best.
”Oh, not much different than it was last time we talked.”
”Ahuh. Are we, uh-” good? Okay? Prepared to move on? Lynette’s face became an immediate cringe. It passed between Casey and Trisha like an apology from her lips.
”Oh, well… I’m not sure about that one Mom. We’ll talk about it later.”
And then Casey turned, eager to face the new problem far more head on.
”Tansy! Would you imagine my surprise when I heard you were in charge of bringing our vision to life… Tell me, how do you like spending time with my dear ol’ Mum?”
Casey approached with wide arms like he was going to offer a hug.
“Oh, we had an absolutely marvelous time together. I don’t think I’ve ever met someone more delightful. You must be Leon. Your mother talked so highly of you,” said Tansy, the smile on the corner of her lips twitching ever so slightly as she countered the hug attempt with a full extension of her hand to offer it up for a shake instead. “It’s so nice to finally meet you.”
Another machinegun of blinks were fired off at Trisha: Don’t Fuck? Don’t Fucking, perhaps?
Meanwhile, Lynette remained on the sideline with Trisha.
”You’re entitled to how you feel. I can’t take back the invitation, but I will say that if it’s truly a problem, I’ll back whatever decision you two make. I’m truly sorry.”
It was like she couldn’t help herself.
“I'm sure you are." Trisha looked at Lynette near emotionlessly. She couldn't muster up a fake smile, but she at least held back from reacting. Burying everything deep down to come back up when it was just her and Casey later. She was uncomfortable from the moment the two of them stepped out of the limo together, and it only got worse when Casey moved away. Then, Lynette brought it up immediately. As if she meant any bit of that apology… It was just all part of the play. It was so difficult to not immediately react. Especially when she didn't have that physical stability from him…
Unified front. Don't take the bait. Trust him.
She cast a pointed glance towards Tansy, giving her oldest sister a nod but no other greeting. Then she looked back at Lynette. Her lips twitched up towards a polite smile.
“You can prove you're truly sorry by not meddling with my family affairs in the future."
Trisha’s nod was answered by a carpet bombing of so many blinks that it would wipe a village clean off the map. The static was clearing and the transmission could now clearly be received: Don’t. Fucking. Embarrass. Me.
While she wished she didn't, Trisha understood what Tansy was trying to convey with her insane blinks. Every Vanburen had run afoul of a Tansy beration after missing a secret message she tried to pass them. It was a pain to deal with her like that. Of course, Trisha normally ignored it. Don't embarrass her? As if Tansy didn't embarrass herself most of the time. But it did give her an excuse to get away from a conversation she didn't want to have with Lynette.
“Oh my God, Tansy, are you alright? Are you having a stroke- you're eyes are twitching and your memory's clearly off!" She moved forward like a genuinely concerned younger sister, stopping just shy of Tansy and immediately beside Casey. The act couldn't quite be followed through physically. The thought of physical touch, affection even faked, was equally disdained on both sides. Normally Trisha didn't even bother pretending, letting her true feelings show like they had when Tansy and Casey first met. But today all of that sullenness was covered up.
“This is Casey, my boyfriend. Who you met three weeks ago? Don't tell me you've already forgotten?" Trisha frowned, gaze filled with concern. Her head then dropped, managing to look almost sad.
“Or maybe you just don't care? I thought you did… I guess I was mistaken that you were making an effort to be a proper Big Sister to me. At least that's what Casey suggested when we found out you were helping with this." Her head tilted up towards Casey, silently imploring him to confirm her lies.
Casey was lost in a pool of White Lux.
Was that… Morse Code?
The actual vocalized communications were always more jarring than the thought diffusion. Too bad she didn’t go for it this time.
Why do you ask questions about things you know the answers to?
Lynette laughed aloud inside of Casey’s mind.
Grampy used to think I had tourettes…
It does seem like a tick sometimes, Mom.
A shoulder shrug passed between their minds, and Casey was released from the fog. It wasn’t like he hadn’t thought about that point. It was dismissed rather quickly, giving Tansy’s primordial nature. Like all animals untamed from the wild, Tansy did as she pleased. Just like someone else Casey knew very well…
”Oh, Trisha… Tansy’s just playing around clearly. Just like Big Sisters do, everyone gets a little teasing. After all, you’re always trying to be a good Big Sister, right?”
Casey grinned a smile that looked like it’d been abused. The kind of smile that would hide under the bed at the first loud noise. Weak, with no chance to survive direct attack. It was only meant to give Tansy the uncomfortable feeling one gets when watching a commercial for donating to animal shelters. Some kind of vague guilt.
”I mean, ever since we met, I knew you loved Trisha deeply. So it only made sense that you’d be getting involved now because of that? Or, did you happen to join Tigo Carrera’s Pilates and Dance classes down at that new big gym they built in the South part of town? Must’ve met Mom there, didn’t you?”
Tigo was a big fitness influencer, and a Blind member of the Temple. Very popular with the kind of crowd Casey assumed Tansy frequented.
“Oh, of course, Casey. Quite the detective your son is, Lynette. Casey’s on the case. Obviously I’m here to support my baby sister. Patricia and I are just having a bit of sport. We’re a couple of pranksters–Patty especially. She truly commits to the bit. You just simply can’t trust a word that comes out of her mouth, especially if it’s about me. She’s actually quite funny. I’m sure you’ll realize that once you get to know her,” said Tansy.
Tansy was utterly immune to Casey’s tragic smile. She wouldn’t crack even if Sarah McLachlan jumped out of a bush and began singing in the arms of an angel. Tansy was the kind of woman who saw those cardboard boxes full of golden retriever puppies and asked why she should care about a bunch of little parasites that didn’t even try to pull themselves up by their own puppy-sized bootstraps? The only time she had ever felt guilt was when she broke out the Hӓagen-Dazs in her most trying times. A craving for vanilla bean overcame her at the mention of Tigo Carrera. Casey must’ve known because Trisha had told him, but how the fuck had her little sister found out about her latest failed fling?
“You should consider getting a refund if you’ve signed up for any of those Pilates classes, Lynette. While it's better than no exercise, studies have shown that the health benefits gained from it are miniscule when compared to better forms of exercise. Plus, a girl friend of mine attended the class and said she was made very uncomfortable by Mr. Carrera. I’ve been doing this thing called hot yoga and my guru is this absolutely fantastic Muslim girl. She pushes us really hard. I feel like I’m going to die sometimes by the end of the class, but the result speaks for itself. You should join me next time. I’m sure Miss Nour would absolutely love to have another pupil, or, well, ‘victim’ as she likes to call us. She’s so fun for being, um, from a more traditional family,” rambled Tansy, holding the conversation hostage.
“Anway, to answer your question, no. I met your mother over some tea and we had a lovely time, didn’t we, darling?” asked Tansy, giving Lynette a smile that had been practiced for years upon years that the uninitiated would swear to be authentic.
Trisha hadn't been able to hold back her glare over Tansy calling her Patty before heavily implying she was a liar and Casey barely knew her. But it quickly turned into a wide eyed stare when her sister mentioned Miss Nour. Surely that couldn't be the same Nour Trisha knew. There was no way Vashti was teaching a yoga class. If she was… Trisha hoped she'd eat Tansy and put them out of their misery.
“I’m sure you did, since you're both so alike," she commented snidely, looking between Lynette and Tansy with a overly sweet, fake smile.
Lynette’s mouth opened widely at Trisha’s comment, playfully pouting over it.
”Oh, Trisha! Tansy and I may share some excellent qualities, but I assure you that what we share most in common is our love for you.” Lynette smiled, shrugging her shoulders to dismiss any furthering of the topic.
She did look back at Tansy then, lifting a hand and gently batting the woman’s shoulder as if they were old chums.
”And why did you not mention this Mr. Carrera situation earlier!? Casey, please… I expect a full investigation into this on grounds of Heresy!”
Casey squirmed. He’d never met this person before, and maybe he was a Blind… But he’d had enough problems dealing with Trisha’s anxiety over his personal prejudice. He didn’t want this innocent man’s head in his hands over something that Tansy Vanburen was implying. But, he had zero tolerance for things like that. So, rather than let the moment escape his chance to leave an impression, his face turned from slightly displeased to deathly serious.
”That’s an incredibly serious accusation to level at someone. You understand there’s lawful penalties for negligent claims like that, correct?” he asked calmly, despite his furrowed brow.
Lynette giggled, turning her head and torso without her legs to Tansy.
”Listen to him… Lawful penalties... Casey?-” she paused, letting herself shift back. ”-I’m certain that Tansy wouldn’t lie to us. So, surely you’ll find something he’s guilty of. Won’t you?”
He’d not be following that subliminal suggestion.
”We’ll see what comes of it is all I can say… Now, come on; surely the both of you have better things to be doing elsewhere… Let’s get this taken care of, shall we?”
Casey’s hand swept up toward the two women and off into the wide open park space down a small hill from the car lot.
Beppo Park was one of the public spaces “adopted” by the Temple of Charming and Graceful Individuals, placing them loosely in charge of maintaining and beautifying the area. In turn, they were usually never given a hard time when they applied for local ordinances to host events there. They’d even installed platforms on clever “walking” rigging that allowed them to be moved and reconfigured at the necessity of the event.
Blinds didn’t need to know it wasn’t motorized. They didn’t need to know how it worked at all, so long as it never broke. Casey stared down at the platforms with a skeptical eye knowing full well it may be his turn to goad the ancient things into actually moving.
God, please don’t let one break.
Casey’s arms swept across the park, finally pulling Trisha back to his side as close as he could tuck her. Between the cold and the insanity, he wanted to give her as much shelter as he could provide.
”So, you’ve done this before,Tansy. What do you actually need to know? Just like… What our theme is? I’ve never managed anything like this before, I’ll admit it. Surprising, I know.-” he trailed off sarcastically.
“It’s a good thing I’m here then. The last thing you would ever want your event to be is unremarkable,” said Tansy, seemingly not picking up on the sarcasm. “I cannot recall the amount of galas and events I’ve been to where everyone was absolutely bored out of their mind simply because of poor planning and bad pacing.
Tansy pulled a surprisingly thick pair of glasses out of her jacket and put them on, followed by her phone as she opened up a notes app. Her impossibly perfect posture somehow grew even more rigid as she leered over Beppo Park like a general before battle. Her lips thinned in disapproval as she scanned the area, but she didn’t strike out with the typical backhanded comment. There was a clear shift in her demeanor as if she was actually invested in making sure that the Temple’s event was a success. Then again, perhaps it wasn’t too big of a shift, as the event was now going to be a reflection of Tansy. Therefore, it had to be perfect.
“A theme is a start, yes. My basic assumption would be we start with ‘autumnal’ since it’s for Thanksgiving and then zhush is up from there, making it a uniquely Temple-themed holiday while still adhering to tradition. However, I am unfamiliar with the Temple’s doctrines. You would know the expectations of the guests better than I. We can do whatever feels appropriate,” said Tansy matter-of-factly.
“Brainstorming these ideas is the easy part. The challenge lies in the logistics. How many guests are we expecting to accommodate? More importantly, how married are we to using an outdoor venue? The weather is extremely fickle and we don’t want something we can’t control to ruin our evening. Unless there’s a large enough shelter hiding somewhere in this park, we’d need to assume the worst and come prepared with tents and space heaters.“
In the end, it was no small effort aligning the satellite dish that was the Tansy’s expectation to the orbiting possibilities that came from being involved with the Temple. Granted, most of it had to be explained away in some instance, but between Casey and Lynette’s instantaneous line of communication and their willingness to play around the edges of expectation, plans were somehow set. He’d even shown off the moving park platforms without there being any malfunctions, despite one section’s very clear and established desire to remove the head of its handlers.
But once everything was clearly translated between all parties, the outdoor venue was settled for. A strong layout was created based on the expectations of the people commissioning the event. In spite of many half-failed provocations from Lynette and stubborn refusals from Tansy, Casey and Trisha quietly agreed that things were at least going better than they’d hoped. Even if only partly.
With things finishing up, the early evening was beginning to crawl up around St. Portwell’s quiet North. All parties satisfied with the proceedings, there was only the short walk up the hill and back to the cars.
”Ahhh… Well, I’m just chuffed. It seems like we made the right choice changing our usual planner over to you, Tansy. Frankly? I’ve never felt more secure about our plans.” Lynette cooed, playfully curling her arms around her Son to give him a big friendly hug.
“You cannot even imagine how overjoyed I am to hear that,” said Tansy, giving a wide smile. She prided herself on making people regret it when they chose someone other than her. “Between your feedback and my capable hands this will be the greatest Temple Thanks…excuse me, Harvest Festival of all time.”
Lynette’s smile broadened as if she was in competition with the other woman for champion faker. The group had been walking toward the hill, and as the incline came, Lynette cleared her throat.
”Oh, Casey… Can we talk about something before we return to the cars? Privately?” she asked with the kind of sweetness that only a doting Mother could muster.
Casey’s eyes narrowed instinctively, teeth clicking together as his jaw locked up. What was he going to say, no? God knew it wasn’t important… Just some mental I.E.D. she wanted to put under a log that he’d flip over later.
”Is it something so important our guest can’t hear?” Casey asked, cleverly leaving out any mention of Trisha as if Lynette wasn’t specifically singling her out.
”Oh, this is immensely detailed Temple stuff. Very sophisticated, has to do with the… Y’know… Aura of the park. Like Tansy mentioned earlier, the vibes are off. I find that a typical problem, so we should handle the solution together with a private prayer. Tansy, darling, I know this must be terribly rude of me to ask, but could you escort Trisha and yourself up to the cars? Just wait there, you can feel free to get into the back of the Limo if it suits you. I’ll be right there.” Lynette’s gaze turned downward to stare at Tansy and Trisha with some kind of… Wholly different energy.
Like she was magic. She was, but even the person who couldn’t ever see or understand may have, with that look, felt deep within themselves that she was magical. Casey wasn’t fooled, but his hands were bound at that moment.
”Ma…-” he said, turning to look down at Trisha with a frown.
”-Is it necessary to do today?”
”You heard what Tansy said. If someone outside the circle can tell there’s something off, then that should be a massive red flag for you to deal with!”
Casey’s face became pained, and he looked back at Trisha again. His hand reached into his pocket, and he pulled out the keys.
”If you need them… I’ll be up in a few minutes.”
His hand let go, placing the car keys in her hand.
”Just turn and walk. I’ll be right behind you.”
Usually, he’d have turned by now… But who he was dealing with, and what he knew was happening, made it impossible for that small trigger to pass up his mind. He could never turn on her in a situation like this.
Trisha wasn't happy about Lynette dragging Casey away, no matter how quick it'd be. She was smart and paranoid enough to see why. It'd take an idiot to not see how Lynette had been targeting her… Why? Why was she trying to put Trisha in all of these situations to make her miserable? And why couldn't she just deal with it, rather than reacting? Her face scrunched up, lips pressing into a harsh line. Unhappy, looking up at Casey sullenly… but it wasn't his fault. He wasn't turning away from her.
She put the keys in her jacket pocket, but didn't walk away immediately. Instead she pushed up onto her toes to quickly kiss him. To make sure he knew she wasn't upset with him.
“Alright. Miss you already."
There was no effort to wait for Tansy as Trisha turned around and made her way back up the hill to the cars. She stopped in front of Casey's car, frowning. She wanted to just get inside and slam the door on her sister's face, but she knew it wouldn't work out like that. Tansy would claw her way in or would make her life miserable at a later date… Thanksgiving itself, probably. She'd rather deal with Tansy right now, when it was just the two of them, rather than in front of so many other people.
Trisha turned, leaning against the car and fixing Tansy with a narrow eyed stare. Now that it was just them all pretenses of forced politeness and fake smiles were dropped. Just the normal sullen frown Trisha wore around family. She didn't want to talk to Tansy, but maybe if she started the conversation she'd have the upper hand. And there was one thing she was curious about…
“How’d you convince Ezra to attend next week?" It was probably the normal ‘social pressure', but that didn't seem enough when he knew the Temple was a cult. There had to be something else… and even if there wasn't, Trisha wanted to try steer the conversation off her.
“The same way I convinced the rest of the family to join us as well–with charm and grace,” said Tansy, the smile on her face thinning as there weren’t others around warranting for her to put in as much of an effort. “Frankly, I’m surprised any of us were invited. I would say pleasantly, but I can’t shake the feeling that by the end of the evening they’ll stray from my plan and pull out a punch bowl full of Kool-aid and ask for us to drink. Who convinced you to make this a family affair? Your new toy or the one pulling his strings?”
Of course, Tansy hit an immediate sore spot. Trisha hated how under all of her disgustingly plastic layers she actually had something of a brain. It was certainly amazing at picking out the little details that would irritate Trisha. The answer was both, technically. Lynette invited her whole family in some sick attempt to break her down, then Casey convinced her it was better to spend the holiday together than apart. But there was no way she was telling Tansy that.
“He isn’t that- And I wasn’t convinced. I wasn’t happy I’d have to spend the holiday with two boring old people- sorry, you and Ezra, cause everyone else managed to escape the city. Casey suggested we combine the two and I thought, why not? It’s easier to deal with so many annoying people with him.” She folded her arms, scowling at Tansy.
“I’m surprised you wouldn’t immediately drink from the Kool-aid. You seem the type!”
“I know Patricia, I seem to be everyone’s type. It’s a burden I have to shoulder daily. But I’m not worried about myself–this isn’t the first time loonies have attempted to recruit me. That Lynette gives me the creeps,” said Tansy, stalking her way closer to the car as she lowered her voice. “I’m worried about you, Patty. You’re so…impressionable, but surely you’ve even noticed something is off about them.”
“Don’t pretend to care,” Trisha sneered, rolling her eyes. It wasn’t like Tansy actually did. It was the fake big sister act- but she’d be the happiest to have the blackmail material of Trisha joining a cult for the future.
“I’m not stupid. I know that there’s something off. I’ve been dealing with them for weeks… ‘Off’ doesn’t even begin to describe Lynette. But cult leaders tend to be creepy and manipulative. I’m fully aware of what’s going on, so save me the speech. There’s no blind following here- just because I’m dating her son doesn’t mean I’m trusting anything out of her mouth.“
“Oh, Patty,” said Tansy with a stage actress sigh, lowering her head in disappointment before flicking her eyes back up at Trisha like a switchblade knife. “I meant Casey.”
Tansy folded her arms over her chest as her stare threatened to carve at and crack through the rib bones protecting Trisha’s heart, “He really assumed the worst when I said a friend of mine was made uncomfortable by Tigo. For all Casey knows I could’ve meant that she just found the pilates class too high impact, yet instead of seeking clarification he was so quick to leap to accusations. I imagine a lot of your previous boyfriends would also jump so quickly to the defense of a supposed predator because the alternative of trusting the word of a woman was absolutely crazy. How did things work out for them? More importantly, how did things work out for you?”
Tansy was looming over Trisha now, glaring down at her dear little sister. The setting sun cast a shadow across the older woman’s face as her lip twitched into an unsettling smile, “I just don’t want to see you get hurt again.”
What? She meant Casey? A shiver ran down her spine, her scowl only deepening to cover it up. Tansy was right about her previous boyfriends, as much as Trisha hated that. But Casey wasn’t like that. He wasn’t. He just hadn’t wanted to deal out Temple style justice on someone possibly innocent. That was it. It made sense he’d jumped to that conclusion! So had Trisha! It wasn’t to defend a possible predator… it just wasn’t.
He was different, right? It had been three weeks. He’d treated her so well. None of her past boyfriends waited that long to show their true colours… He wasn’t like that. She trusted him. She loved him.
“Casey’s not like them. He just doesn’t trust your word because half of what you say is a lie, and the other half is purposefully twisted truth! Like right now… you’re just trying to get rid of the one good thing in my life. It’s not like you cared when I was with all of those previous boyfriends. You saw me after one h- hit me when we broke up, and what did you say? ‘Oh, Patricia, there’s this awful mark on your face. You should get that checked out!‘” Trisha mockingly imitated Tansy’s tone, glaring up at her.
“He’d never hurt me like them… Because he loves me!”
She wished she completely believed it. That he wouldn’t hurt her at all. That things wouldn’t work out like they always did… Badly.
“The one good thing in your life?” A sharp, shrill laugh escaped from Tansy’s throat. “Oh my gosh, Patty, you truly are the queen of the pity parties. You’re rich, you come from a powerful family, and you never once face a true struggle in your life. You could sit down now and do nothing and there would be people to take care of you until you die of old age. We’re in the same boat here. I’m more like you than you think. When everything is handed to you on a silver platter all of it becomes quite mundane after a while. We’re both dying of boredom and desperate for a cure. But while I treat it by entertaining others and giving them a taste of a life they think they want, you find yours in a more selfish way.”
“How can you say I do not care when I was clearly worried about your injury? If you had cooperated with myself or Ezra then charges would’ve been pressed immediately against that bastard, but you played coy and pushed us away because if we helped you that wouldn’t fit whatever pathetic narrative you’re trying to achieve,” said Tansy. She should’ve considered a career in Hollywood after all as her eyes began to well up.
“Stop pretending like I’m some wicked, evil, fairy tale half-sister and start accepting that I do actually care about you. I’m just afraid that I’m the only one here who actually does. Yes, I’d admit, sometimes I tease you, sometimes I tell half-truths to get a reaction, but it’s only because that’s the only kind of engagement I can ever get out of you. Trisha, I love you. I am not your enemy here,” said Tansy, her honeyed words dripping with venom as her eyes narrowed into snake slits. She reached her hand out to cup the cheek that had been struck by that awful ex, guessing at which one it had been. “You are.”
“What’s the one thing all those awful boyfriends had in common?” asked Tansy. Her eyes had dried but she didn’t not give a cruel smile either, her face remaining a hauntingly neutral guise of brutal honesty that only a family member could deliver. Tansy didn’t give Trisha the answer. She knew her little sister’s insecurities well enough that she trusted her to figure it out. “Maybe Casey’s not the worst guy in the world, but he’s still just like them.”
Trisha flinched back and away from Tansy’s hand. It wasn’t normal. Their family was the opposite of the touchy feely kind that the Richoux were. Sure, some got affection from their moms, but for most there was none of that. Especially not between them- not since Tansy stopped trying to replace Trisha’s mom.
Why? Why? This was Tansy. She was lying. Playing some angle to make Trisha miserable. But why go to such lengths? There wasn’t even an audience? Trisha didn’t believe that she loved her, or she really cared… But… Trisha had been the one to push her away. Again and again because she had a mom, then suddenly she didn’t have that either. Maybe some tiny part of her did care. It wasn’t like anyone could care about her fully, or without that toxicity she brought out in them…
She was right. Trisha pushed them away that time, and every time… because she wanted pity? No, it was because she didn’t trust them. Had she ever really given any family member a chance? Or did she just lump them into the same group that she’d clashed with as a sullen teenager? Resented because James never loved her. Because she was jealous.
No, no, no, this was Tansy she was thinking about. Her personal tormenter. None of that was care.
But she was right about what her boyfriends had in common, wasn’t she? It was Trisha. They all dated the awful, unloveable her. Of course they were toxic, because she was too. What sane person would want to be with her? Why would anyone actually love her if they weren’t getting something out of it? She was her own worst enemy. Was she doing it again? Blinding herself in the hope she’d finally find someone who’d stick. To not feel loneliness. To cure boredom? But she wasn’t like her. She had faced true struggle. She’d fought a world ending threat at fourteen, and almost died multiple times!
“H- He’s not just like them. It doesn’t matter if they have that in common, he’s not,” Trisha asserted again, but there was less confidence in it. A slight wavering as her breathing started to quicken. The start of panic… But she suppressed it as best she could. Suppressed the pheromones that wanted to leak out. She didn’t want to alert Lynette.
“Is it so hard to believe that someone would actually like me?! That he doesn’t want anything- that he’s not awful like the rest? That maybe I’m not the problem?” Fuck. Trisha clenched her hands into trembling fists. She was trying to convince herself as much as she was Tansy.
“You’re wrong. You hardly know Casey- you hardly know me! And you don’t love me. If you did then you’re the one who’s like all my exes. You’re using ‘feelings’ as an excuse to manipulate me. You, not Casey. He’s never been like that. He’ll never be like that. Not this time. He’s not like them…”
It was obvious to someone that had known Trisha so long that it was getting to her, no matter what she said. The panicked heaving of her chest, the way her glaring eyes flickered around rather than just focusing on Tansy. She didn’t want to believe anything she said. Was struggling not to. So few people even considered uttering the words ‘I love you’ to her. “Y- you’re just lying to isolate me. I pushed you away because you always do this… So stop pretending to care! What have you ever done to prove it?!”
“Besides this?” hissed Tansy, gesturing to the park with her cellphone loaded up with preliminary notes for the Temple’s harvest festival.
Tansy glared at Trisha, and when the young woman refused to meet her gaze it sparked a malfunction in her programming. A flash of unrighteous, apocalyptic rage fired up in Tansy’s eyes as her nostrils flared, her face breaking free of its botox seal as her teeth began to grind away at the veneers. One hand gripped her water bottle so tightly that it threatened to dent the one hundred percent recycled materials while the other wringed itself around the fabric of her already ill-fitting coat, pulling at the seams. Tansy had canceled plans to be here, and this was the thanks she got? She was coiled like a cobra now, ready to sink her fangs into Trisha and drown her over privileged and undeserving blueblood in venom.
A black SUV crept up alongside the limousine. Tansy had texted her driver while touring the grounds with the others. He would hear an earful about how he was late, but for now she held up a finger to the tinted window to signal for one moment. His presence was the only thing that saved Trisha as Tansy unwinded, an easy smile replacing the look of an avenging devil. Tansy chuckled and shook her head.
“I’m sorry, Patricia. You’re right,” said Tansy with a nonconfrontational shrug. She might’ve meant that Trisha was right about how hard it was to believe that someone would like her, but that wasn’t what she said. Tansy tucked a finger under her chin and batted her lashes up towards heaven. She began to back away towards the SUV, or perhaps just maneuver herself out of striking distance. “Or rather, I hope you’re right. This time it will be different. You deserve to be happy.”
“What?" Trisha's eyes stopped darting around, staring at Tansy in shock. She was just backing down like that? What? Was… was it a threat? No, how could it be? Did she… really care? No, that didn't make sense either. Trisha didn't even truly believe she deserved to be happy, even though everything she did was to attain that.
But the sudden deescalation was worse than if Tansy kept going. The panic only clutched Trisha stronger. She didn't understand. Tansy never apologised, not unless it was one that was so clearly fake. A certain tone that all the Vanburen could read… lacking here. But there was no way she actually meant it.
“I am right, and I am happy. So stay out of my relationship." Harsh, bitter words said without much conviction. She was happy, sure, but was she right? Would things really be different when… she was always the problem…
There was enough time for Tansy to get unnervingly close to her escape… Maybe that was intentional.
”Tansy, sweetheart!? I don’t suppose that’s your car waiting?”
The looming figures draped both in raven hair crested the hill with their heads, then with massive strides both were in full view before another step could be made. Lynette almost skipped along her pathway as the ground leveled out, gracefully slipping across the pavement with only the most essential steps being taken. The impression was undeniable, that she almost glided… Almost.
But not far behind her were the very purposeful and almost violent steps of a man who was not where he wanted to be. He didn’t speak; not to his mother again. Not to Tansy. Not even to Trisha, save through physical action which spoke far louder in the end. Getting close to his beloved, the scowl turned to something like a smile. It was weak, frail, more to offer her solidarity than to express joy.
The truth was obvious to him, at least. That he’d heard, and that the Lynette special worked once again. Isolate, demotivate, reeducate. If she was hoping she could get to him through Trisha, she’d have to try a lot harder, he guessed. She hadn’t seemed particularly susceptible to those cult tactics. Not except that they turned her into a complete basket case who just wound up turning off entirely.
Trisha wasn’t a good cult member. And he knew his mother wasn’t stupid enough to believe she was. So, the only reason he presumed she was doing this was to break down his will. To make him tired, and her tired in a spiral of doom that would see him… Alone. Alone except his family again.
She had things Leon needed. There was no question in his mind that she had something all his siblings needed. But what was it for him? This job? The powers? Love? She’d not been able to avoid the information age’s vice grip over the zeitgeist of the younger generation: They knew what life was like outside of a cult. She’d long ago switched to a Moon-style celebration of her children as “chosen”, and did her best to return the freedoms she’d not believed in them having as younger people.
It was hard to remember sometimes that she legitimately saw the future. Sometimes with incredible clarity, to the point that she did change things. Or, presumably. Who was to say she didn’t just see how things were going to go anyway? All of the mental space she took up in Casey’s mind made it hard to not be pissed. More than pissed. She had been bothering him about something far more mundane than necessary, but they both knew that they were listening with equal interest just up the hill. And the fact that they could both easily hear it only made things more frustrating in the end, because she’d not only badmouthed him… She’d badmouthed Lynette.
And that wasn’t something that the Matron usually put up with. Not from outsiders. Which only made these days stranger… That she was having more and more people hurt or killed internally, but external influences seemed to be fading away. Maybe fading in.
Along with his quarter-smile, Casey’s hands reached out and wrapped around Trisha in a quick hug before shifting her in his arms. Momentum began to take them both back toward the car…
”Oh, and Casey? Don’t forget, those reports are very important to know how much extra we can allocate to this! Now, Tansy? If you were going to hypothetically follow me, we’d be meeting at the Cheradin on West Marble? Surely you kn-”
Casey slipped his hand down to the car door and nearly ripped it off swinging the thing open for Trisha to step in. He very consciously closed it softly, so as not to make her think it was her he was mad at. Frankly, he needed her to think it was Lynette, because if he went off on a rant about her sister and her family and how they treated her, he’d probably just send her into a panic spiral. He wouldn’t do that… Couldn’t.
Casey stood outside the car for a few more seconds, coming around and turning his head. Lynette’s voice was muffled, and so was Casey’s reply. But he opened the door on his side, and she grabbed an opportunity.
”Trisha!!! We’ll see you again soon, honey! Forget about all that other nonsense, it’s taken care of! Just you w-”
He slammed the door shut again, and his hand came out to point at Lynette. She seemed to be a little startled, but his voice was much louder than could be muffled through the car.
”I am not going to let you just do as you please!”
Trisha flinched slightly, already curled into a tight ball in the passenger seat. Her gaze moved past Casey and Lynette, finding her sister on her escape. Her eyes narrowed into a sullen glare- but it didn’t have the same bite it normally did. She was shaken, at the very least.
Then Casey was in the car. With lightning speed that seemed almost illusory, the vehicle was already backing up out of the spot and turning toward the exit of Beppo Park.
Home
The car ride home was tense.
Silence lingered and festered. Trisha was so caught up in her own thoughts that she didn’t even think to ask Casey what had happened to upset him. It had to be Lynette. What else could it be?
At least he hadn’t heard what Tansy said. About Trisha, about her exes, about him. Because some of what Tansy said was right. Trisha was her own enemy. She was the problem. She was so wrapped up in her self pity… she pushed people away, she chose the wrong people. But she was also the one that pushed them to their limits.
So was it really their fault?
What was it they talked about a few days ago? Getting revenge? But how did that work when Tansy was right…
When Trisha was the problem in the equation.
Casey had talked about being so lonely before her. About how much he loved her and how she motivated him. It should bring her comfort, it should help her push away all these fears. But…
But how many women had he met since he came back from active duty? How many had he met that weren't from the Temple? It really didn't seem like that many... So how did he know that she was the one? That there wasn't someone better for him out there? Someone actually worthy of his love?
Wouldn't it be selfish for her to hold on, then? It would hurt so much to let him go... But did she really deserve someone like him? Did she deserve any of his love? She’d just keep hurting him and herself. He was one of the few good people she’d dated. It was fine now, but eventually it would be too much.
Then he’d leave. She wouldn’t even blame him, no matter how devastating it was.
It was the only way things could go when she was involved… because she’d never get better. She’d always be the problem. Her own enemy.
By the time they got back to the Apartment complex, Trisha had come to the decision that she’d pretend everything was fine. Withdraw, recharge, and push it down… Maybe she could be selfish. Like she always was. Cling. But should she…
Once they were inside the elevator, Trisha shuffled towards Casey, leaning against him. Like everything was normal. Pretending she was perfectly fine as if she hadn’t spent the whole car journey as a curled up ball of tension.
It inadvertently gave the illusion that she was going to open up to him, perhaps, as she spoke up finally.
“Do you have to go do those reports for… Lynette?” Trisha grimaced, trying not to feel a bit panicked at how he might react to her bringing that up. He’d seemed so angry.
But part of her hoped he did. It would make things easier for her.
“I understand if you have to… Even if you don’t want to.”
Ultimately, Casey wasn't satisfied with the response. It wasn't like she absolutely needed to be fully transparent with him, but at this point it was starting to feel like an insult. An insult to his abilities, but more importantly, his intelligence. He wondered if she thought of him like some dumb jarhead, because he assumed it didn't take a rocket scientist to parse out angst from normal behavior. Trisha wasn't a general yapper, so there were few audio queues to indicate the lowered mood.
But her embrace, the way her arms noodled up and barely held onto him when usually they clung for dear life, gave up the illusion. He could probably forgive her for forgetting the near-perpetual extrasensory spell, that he was able to hear and isolate sounds from hundreds of feet away. That if he tried real hard, he could hear her music through the floors between them from his office in the mornings… He'd heard everything.
And now he had to play stupid too. Because he said he wouldn't do this anymore… Wouldn't listen to her like that. Wouldn't spy. The last thing he wanted was to break Trisha's trust.
”I can probably save it for later… Did you need cuddles?” he asked, almost businesslike as if he were discussing a concessions in a deal.
Trisha tilted her head back to look up at him, brow furrowing slightly. Why was he asking like that. Like it was something he had to give her. Had he realised? Had Lynette listened in and said something to him? Was this it… Her hands clenched as she tried not to react.
“I always want cuddles, but I don’t need them right now?” Half truth, half lie. She needed them, but she knew she’d break if she got them. All those fears would come spilling out. She felt safest in his arms, but she felt her most vulnerable too… it was too close to the surface. She couldn’t. She didn’t want him to find out how she was always the problem.
“It wasn’t as bad as I expected. They were too busy trying to one up each other’s lies they didn’t have a chance to pull anything…”
She wished it was true. Would pretend it was. She could pretend the talk with Tansy hadn’t been anything out of the ordinary. Shit, but not… Not digging so deep. Not so painfully true. Not dragging up so many things she didn’t want to think about, and didn’t want anyone to know. Words that reminded her how pathetic she was.
”Maybe your sister didn't.” was Casey’s only response.
After all, it wasn't like he didn't know. He knew exactly what was up, and could only hope that at some point she'd get the hint and stop bumping into him hoping she was sneaking.
”Y'know it's pretty tough sometimes, Babe…”
Casey’s arm reached around her and brought her close, rubbing her side without much tenderness. It was almost a practiced motion.
”Like, basically the whole time, she was in my head. Honestly, I don't think she likes Tansy much either.”
Maybe she'd complain… Literally anything at this point.
Trisha went stiff, breathing quickening slightly. She could feel the difference in the way he touched her. It wasn’t as gentle as normal. It’s not like that, it’s not like that, it’s not-
“What do you mean either? Like… we don’t like her?”
Please say it’s like that, please-
”We don't, do we? Like Tansy, I mean? I assumed, y'know, we were kind of collectively anti-Tansy.” Casey replied, voice straining vaguely.
Trisha’s mind slowly ticked. It was like her thoughts were going in slow motion, as the elevator reached the top floor and the doors pinged open. She couldn’t figure out what he meant.
“We- we are? Was I… Did it look like I was acting close to her? She was just pretending to be a good older sister.” She frowned, the illusion of feeling perfectly fine beginning to drop a little… As if it had been much in the first place.
“Are you implying that I’m not?”
If one listened close enough, surely they'd hear the ellipses forming over and over in Casey's skull. Dot, dot, dot. Dot, dot, dot.
”Not fucking what?” he asked, voice ringing out like a shot in the dark. He tried not to have a tone, but she was… Trying him. Testing him, it felt like.
“Not anti-Tansy.” Trisha tried her best not to react. Not to get even more tense, or to start breathing like she was one step away from a panic attack. She didn’t understand. Why was he acting like this?
“Because- because it sounded like you were implying I wasn’t.”
”All I said is that I don't think Lynette likes Tansy either. Where in that statement can you find an implication that your outlook on your sister has somehow improved?” he asked with an annoyed tone.
“Because you said ‘I assumed we’re collectively anti-Tansy’- as if I wasn’t.” Was she supposed to take it any other way? Had he meant Lynette all along? But Lynette wasn’t part of we or us.
“Why are you getting annoyed? You brought it up.”
Casey knew for a fact he wasn't crazy. Maybe he had a little attitude, but there was a difference between attitude and redirecting.
”Trisha, I didn't bring it up, Babe. You said it was good they didn't have time to pull bullshit. Ultimately, that's wrong and we both know it, and now that we have a chance to talk, you're avoiding it by starting a fucking argument with me! That's clearly why you're acting like this.”
Casey's very direct statement hung in the air as his face turned down to look at her with a mixture of expectancy and pain.
What? Sure, okay, Trisha probably should’ve asked Casey what Lynette said that upset him. Obviously she did pull something. Obviously Tansy did too- but he didn’t know that! And she didn’t want him to.
Her eyes narrowed up at him for just a moment, before her head twisted to the side to avoid looking at him.
“Acting like what? I was acting normally until you- you started poking me like there was something I had to talk about. There isn’t. I’m not avoiding anything- I was just quiet before because I’m always like that after talking to Tansy. But it wasn’t anything worse than normal.”
There really wasn’t anything to talk about. Nothing she wanted to talk about. She didn’t want him to know… because if she started talking she’d have to admit that Tansy was right. Then he’d realise that she really wasn’t worth it.
“I’m not the one starting an argument.”
Casey didn't respond. But he did let her go… Stopped moving too, like a statue in the middle of the office hallway. There were other people in the rooms, people working and doing whatever it was that they did for the Temple.
”Maybe I should just stay and do this paperwork. Clearly you don't want to talk to me at the moment, so we're making a mountain out of a molehill.”
He was going to give her the chance she seemed desperate for. The opportunity to disconnect, and to show him her back. A courtesy he did his best to refrain from. Just like now, no matter how badly he wanted to spin and cut for his office, he refused to turn on her.
“You’re making a mountain out of a molehill.” Trisha shuffled a bit away, down the corridor towards their apartment, still facing him. Getting out of arm’s reach.
“Fine. Do your paperwork, since I don’t want to talk about nothing.”
”You made that real fucking clear! Thanks! Glad you can at least try and communicate that little fucking diddy!” he snarled, trying to keep his voice low.
”Go on! Go and enjoy the peace and privacy of our home while you think about how I’m the same as all your other boyfriends! Like Tansy said! What was it, huh? What do I have in common with them? That I'm some fucking schmuck who treats you like a dog?” He asked aggressively, both arms rising and violently shoving air down and to the side.
”God… I am a schmuck. I must be if I keep dealing with this.” he shook his head, disappointment toward her filling his face.
Trisha flinched back as his arms rose, her whole body tensing. Her chest heaved up and down, staring at him with wide eyed panic. He knew, he knew-
”God! You seriously think I'm stupid? Do you think that all the military training made me into some kind of fucking complacent idiot? Like I don't need to worry about you and your cunt sister being alone for five seconds before someone tries to poison your ear? Ask yourself what kind of fucking moron I would have to be to imagine that nothing happened! I don't need psychic powers to deduce, Trisha!
Casey didn't really get like this… He was closest the last time they fought, but now he seemed… Actually hurt. The look of disgusted pain on his face was worth a thousand more words.
”So now you get to tell me. Or, you get to walk away. But I swear to God, if you walk away? My consideration of you changes. I'll always love you, but you'd have to be incredibly foolish to keep holding shit in around me…”
He hated her. He’d always love her? That was a lie. How could he, with how he was looking at her. He was disgusted by her. This… this was what happened every time. When it got too much. Trisha had let herself hope. But she shouldn’t have. Because it always ended like this. With an argument, with disappointment, with them wanting rid of her.
But that didn’t mean she’d walk away. She’d never leave. He had to throw her out, like the trash she was.
What did it matter anymore? He already hated her. It couldn’t get any worse. He couldn’t hate her more. Even if he did… This was it. The end. She’d be back to that cold loneliness, just this time she’d actually felt loved. For the first time. And she was fucking it all up again.
I am not your enemy here. You are.
“Me! It’s fucking me you have in common with them! Isn’t that obvious?! Isn’t it obvious that I’m the problem?! You think so- now you know. I’m never going to get better! So- so you’re right. You shouldn’t keep dealing with this… Just get rid of the problem. Because… unlike them you actually deserve better!”
Casey's face changed immediately. The disgusting became full of pain, as if she'd peppered him with twelve gauge rock salt shots.
”Trisha… What the fuck!?” he asked, voice full of all the enthusiasm one could find in a skydiving accident victim.
”Why? Why does this have to keep happening!? I fucking love you! Why are you so fucking avoidant!? Why the fuck can’t you just talk to me when a problem comes up so we don't have to argue like this!?” he painfully groaned, hands gripping together.
He took a couple of steps forward, starting to slowly reach out toward her.
Trisha was coiled like a cornered animal, her shoulders hunched up and her body trembling. She watched Casey with eyes still filled with wild panic but she didn’t flinch away like she had earlier. Her body leaned towards him slightly.
But she was still so scared. Because he knew. He’d heard.
“Because I didn’t want you to know- because Tansy wasn’t lying. I just wallow in self pity… and I always make things worse. I- I deserve what happened and to be alone… because it’s always my fault! And I didn’t want you to know. But now you do.”
Her hands shot up to her face, desperately rubbing away tears.
“I’m always going to be like this, Casey. I only know how to avoid and protect myself- it doesn’t matter that I’m trying to do better! Because it’ll take too long- maybe forever. And eventually you’ll get sick of it. I just- I just didn’t want you to know how pathetic I am for a little bit longer…”
”Does this not spark some kind of thought in your head about this shit, Trisha!?” he asked, getting closer still.
He didn’t want to lose her. He didn’t want her gone. He wanted her to see!
”You know! You fucking know what it does to you, but rather than avoiding the feeling by just being fucking honest with me, you want to beat around the fucking bush! The whole way around, like the only part of this you’re not used to is a boyfriend who can read your fucking mind!”
He paused for just a moment, taking a breath before pointing again.
”Not that it takes a great deal of effort by the way! You’re absolutely dogshit at hiding the way you feel about something! I can see it! All I have to do is look into your eyes and hear the little pouty sourpuss you put on, and I instantly know when I’ve pissed you off! And honestly, I fucking love that, because I don’t have to guess! EXCEPT when you pull shit like this! Then I have to play hundred questions like asking you what the fuck is wrong is like murdering you!”
Trisha’s upper body recoiled, even as her legs stayed rooted in the same spot. She knew he was right- but that didn’t mean it was easy. That didn’t mean she could just ignore years and years of whatever she said being dismissed or worse, being used against her. How did she win? It didn’t matter if she said anything or not, because it always ended in an explosion.
“Because it is- because what’s wrong always makes me look worse. Do you think I want to be like this?! But everytime I’m honest it always makes things worse. It’s better to pretend- and nobody ever cared enough to push before! I really- I really don’t know how to do it, Casey. I really don’t. Because I think about telling you and then I realise how worthless I am. And I know that’ll I’ll fuck it up and hurt you. I don’t want to- I don’t-”
She sucked in a sharp breath, struggling to stay on any point. She knew it was all contradictory.
“I know that I’m the problem, I know that I should be honest, but it’s not that simple. I can’t just stop panicking. And you- you don’t deserve to deal with this. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. You deserve someone who can…”
”-Can you shut up?”
The harshness of his words split the air like a shearing wind to wrap around Trisha’s face. He waited for just a moment, only to make sure he had her absolute attention.
”Stop talking about what I deserve like you’re anyone to judge that… Talk about what I deserve in a year from now, or five years, or a decade. Talk about it when I’m on my deathbed and we’ve had a long fucking life together! Do you hear what the fuck I’m saying Trisha Vanburen? My voice is the only voice you should ever hear in your life, and I will stomp every single other voice to death if it means bringing you some fucking peace. Your sister, your mother, your fucking friends. If they can’t see how much I love you and how willing I am to be here with you, and they try to break us?”
He was close now… Probably a bit too close. Like he wasn’t really thinking about the physical imposition of his stature combined with the cramped nature of the hallway as he backed her into a corner. But he loomed, and got in even closer until he didn’t have to speak up anymore. Casey’s face was so close… His voice got so low, it was hard to hear over the rushing of her elevated heart rate.
”You didn’t hesitate… You saved our lives on Misty Island. You killed that man for us. Which means that you love me. Stop fighting yourself… Just be my fucking everything, Trisha. Please!”
Trisha’s hands reached out to grasp at him, even as she trembled. Even though she knew he wouldn’t hurt her, it didn’t stop that deep seated fear from flaring up. But she fought through it as her hands held onto him like she’d fall if she let go.
“I didn’t want to lose you. I don’t want to lose you. I’m scared because I love you so much. I don’t think I can live without you, Casey. I can’t. And that terrifies me.” Without her hands to stop them, the tears flowed freely down her cheeks. She forced herself to look at him- had no choice but to.
“I- I want to be your everything. Do you… do you promise it’ll really be until we’re old?! You won’t- die before then?!”
Casey looked a little hesitant at that question, but he wasn’t going to deny her what she wanted. He took both her hands, wrapping her little fingers in between his, and pressed their foreheads together with a relieved sigh.
”You know I can’t promise that fully. Anything could happen… But I swear to you that I’ll never do anything to jeopardize coming home to you. Every single day and night for the rest of our ungodly lives. And I’m sorry I snapped at you; I told you the last time that I knew this would happen again. I should’ve been more patient…” he admitted, thinking about how the whole situation had gone down.
“N-No, I’m sorry. It was my fault.” Trisha managed to say, around little choked up breaths. She closed her eyes, grasping onto his hands tightly.
“I’ll try again next time. I don’t mind if you snap when I mess up, just don’t stop caring. Please? I’d rather you get angry. Because I know you care.”
Even though things seemed to be calming down, she was still struggling. She’d barely hit the peak of an anxiety attack, taking harsh breaths in and out. She was trying her best to breathe through it.
“I only get like this because of how much I love you.”
He looked down at her with love. That same expression as the last argument, where he’d become so warm…
”Love’s a crazy thing, isn’t it Baby? I promise… I’m here with you. Just you. I’m not interested in looking around when I know you love me, and I certainly don’t think that you’re some fucking curse. Loving you comes with some interesting scenarios, but anyone in your position would get the same from me and mine… Honestly? I like that you’re kind of distant. From them, I mean. Like you’re not trying to dive into the lives of the people around me.”
Casey’s hands pulled away, quickly wrapping around her waist and pulling her tight.
Trisha’s arms snaked under his in response, hugging him with her hands grasping his back. She pressed her face into his chest, hiding away for a moment. Casey would be able to feel her taking deep breaths in and out. Calming down a little bit. Enough that when she finally responded, it wasn’t such a struggle.
“Well… you’re the one I’m interested in. I’ll get closer to anyone you care about naturally but… because of you. I want to learn about people from you, not the other way around.” She tilted her head up, managing a watery smile. Then, a muffled giggle as she thought back to something.
“Y’know… that kinda sounded like a proposal. ‘Be my everything.’ Just… not really the normal timing,” she managed to joke, blinking away the remaining tears.
Casey didn’t even hesitate for a second.
”As soon as you want a ring, it's yours… That was a proposal.” he said, his voice hanging out in the air between them. Slowly, he started to match her height, and before she could say anything else, he was looking up at her from one knee.
“O- Oh,” Trisha stammered out, eyes going wide. Her cheeks heated up, turning a soft red that matched the rim of her eyes. He was serious… he’d really meant it like that… It wasn’t how she’d ever imagined it going, but she didn’t care.
“W- Well, I already said yes, didn’t I? I want to be with you forever.” She reached out for his hand, smile turning less watery and more warm. Gentle, loving. Then, slightly teasing.
“You’re meant to have the ring before... do you think we could get one before Thanksgiving?”
Casey’s hand slipped into hers again, and she’d feel his fingers pinching against her ring finger.
Don’t ask questions…
”Of course… What’s this finger here, size five? Maybe?-”
He looked down at her hand and held it squarely within his, the difference never more clear than these moments.
”-You’ve got little fingers, my Girl…” he smiled up at her, still kneeling.
”And I’m sorry… Usually people propose when they’re planning on it. Not, y’know… During an argument a few weeks after you’ve met someone.”
Casey’s face turned a bit red in turn, embarrassed that he was being like this.
“It’s fine, I don’t care- well I do care, just not the how. That doesn’t matter, does it? Because we love each other. If anything it’s more romantic you’d still want to propose when we’re arguing.” She giggled softly, leaning forward to kiss his forehead. Then she leaned down further to gently kiss his lips.
As she pulled away, she wriggled her fingers against his.
“It’s five point five… Pretty close. I’m impressed.” Her lips curved up into a full smile, still teary eyes creasing slightly.
“But since this was so unplanned… we can just make sure to plan our wedding really well.”
As she seemed to ease back into things, Casey’s whole body relaxed until he felt like he could take a full breath again. Now she was talking about a fucking wedding…
Don’t act like it’s not exactly what you’ve always wanted, Big Man…
Still staring at her, he smiled and pulled himself back up to both feet.
”Now, come on… Let's just head upstairs, and we’ll calmly talk about what happened. You can be honest with me; you know I’m not gonna leave you. I promise, we can just talk. C’mon.-”
Casey shifted his torso slightly, holding his hand out for her to grab.
”-Little bit by little bit.”
Things quietened down a little. They both still had to work the next day- responsibilities didn’t disappear, and bees didn’t stop producing honey- but they both managed to make it back home in the early evening. Back to that safe space on that big couch together. Just enjoying each other’s company in a comfortable silence.
Trisha was curled up in Casey’s lap, phone resting against her legs as she responded to all the messages she’d been ignoring the past few days. Reyna checking that she was alright, Diyah sending her outfits to judge, and Cass somehow sending a shit ton of memes around whatever insanity she was up to with Leon. Then there were the group chats… the smaller group that had visited her, then the one for their extended friend group. She mostly just scrolled these without much care.
Nothing important. She did it all openly in front of Casey, not really caring if he read over her shoulder or not. Her scrolling paused on a picture Diyah had sent- a bouquet of flowers the girl she was seeing had gotten her. Soft purples, blues, pinks and whites… It was pretty.
She tilted her head back, looking away from the phone and up at Casey.
“I think I’d quite like a spring wedding. It’ll be nicer when all the flowers are in bloom.”
Casey knew things weren’t going to be one hundred percent until months after the holidays were done. His biggest hope was that things changed by the next set, so that they could start to build habits and rituals of their own around those times. He wanted a clean slate; it was the easiest way to start dealing with those problems that would crop up again and again.
He found it important to remember to stay calm. Whatever was wrong was far more than the little moments, and there were going to be a lot of little moments in the future. He’d kind of proposed… He was wondering now how right that decision was in the grand scheme.
So without much to lose, taking advantage of what he’d learned the previous argument, he figured he’d let it slide.
”I think that’ll be nice. We can have so many bees around, anyone who comes will have to wear full tyvek suits.-” Casey started, pursing his lips slightly.
”-Do you… Think this spring coming? Or…” he let the question hang in the air to prompt her response.
“The next spring, or the spring after,” Trisha clarified pretty easily. She locked her phone, putting it to the side so she was paying full attention to him.
“It could be organised that quickly with enough money, but I don’t want that. I want it to be right… You only get one wedding.”
Of course, that wasn’t technically true. She’d watched her Father have multiple in her first fourteen years, and there’d been many more before then. But she didn’t want that. She wanted to marry Casey and for that to be forever. Which meant… she didn’t want to rush into it. She was happy to be engaged. Engagement meant security. A ring she could use to remind herself he wasn’t going to leave. Marriage was legally binding.
And she didn’t want a rushed wedding… like the kind her Mother had, which had quickly crumbled.
Not that she thought that would happen. There was just a bit of hesitation there.
“I’d like to take our time so we can plan something… Special. Unless you don’t want a long engagement?”
Casey was quick to tell her the contrary.
”Oh, Babe… As long as you want, right? Like, I’m happy to get you a ring and whatever, but… I don’t know, I don’t want to make you nervous. ‘Cuz it ain’t like how you’re gonna think it is. But I want you to be sure, y’know? Not just say yes because we were in the middle of something. I know you said you would anyway, but…-”
There were a lot of buts in front of someone he knew to be as insecure as that. There was no way it was going to work the way he wanted it to, and he knew it. So all he could do was be as transparent as he could possibly be.
”-I just like your plan. Taking our time, getting it right. All that. It's the good shit.” he giggled, half to himself and half to her.
“I am sure. I don’t feel any different today, and I won’t tomorrow, or the day after…” Trisha managed to sound calm, even though she reactively tensed. But he was agreeing with her about taking their time. He wasn’t questioning her answer, or regretting asking. He was just making sure…
“I’d like a ring so I can… know. When my family or Lynette says shit, I know they can’t separate us. I can look at it and remember how you really love me. I know it’s silly, because it hasn’t changed how you feel.” She tried to explain as best as she could. Because while he agreed about taking their time, she didn’t want him thinking she’d rushed into saying yes without anything behind it. And it wasn’t just her anxieties…
“It’s like… it’s a promise to spend the rest of our life together, even if we wait to actually get married. And I do want to spend the rest of my life with you. I’ve never felt like this with anyone else.”
Nodding along, Casey took a little lock of Trisha’s hair in between his fingers to play with. He batted his finger into it over and over, making the hair wiggle around in place. There was a sense that maybe he was just being overly cautious about the situation; that maybe whatever he was feeling was mostly due to ingrained expectation. From whom, he had no clue… Nobody in his life was like that.
”That’s really all we can ask of one another, Trisha. I feel the exact same. So, we’ll make it happen together just like we both know we can. We just need to keep uh… Well, we need to keep in mind that we are on the same page. And if we find out we’re not, we have to really try harder to get there in one piece.” he explained with all the calmness he could muster.
Trisha nodded. It was reasonable… She knew he was right. She’d had enough time to calm down since the day before to accept it. Even though it was still difficult for her to accept that she wasn’t going to just ruin everything. That he’d actually be able to suffer through the slow process of her getting better…
“I know. I know we are and should be… But I’ll try harder to talk when we’re not. I really will. Even if we have to argue sometimes to get there. Just give me time to do better…” She said softly, hands twisting together in her lap. She gnawed on her bottom lip for a moment.
“Like… Yesterday you said your voice is the only one I should hear. I know that Ezra and Tansy won’t react well if they find out at Thanksgiving. But I’m not going to let myself care or try to hide it. Because like you said, I shouldn’t listen to them. What we think matters most… that’s being on the same page, right?”
Casey nodded emphatically, his hands gripping together against her in a gentle pattern.
”That’s it Babe. We take whatever gets said on the chin, and we deal with it as it comes! And, uh… I know that it’s gonna be hard for you. I know I can’t ask you to change overnight, or try to convince you of how to do it. That’s why I need you to know I’m here for the long run.”
Granted, he still wasn’t looking forward to what was coming next, but there were some serious indicators that the Great Game was afoot. Things Casey didn’t want to waste energy paying attention to when he had her. But they were both going to suffer more before things ultimately ended. Hopefully for the better. In the meantime, it was a question of whether or not he’d be able to sustain himself.
The old days, the ones after the war when things were at their worst, most unresolved state… Those times were gone, he hoped. And things had seemed to go mostly his way. Was he lucky? Blessed? In the end, could he really promise anything that he was saying to Trisha? Life was something like a hazy fog now: He had sonar and radar to catch objects in the water ahead, but Trisha was the only thing he could actually see with his eyes. Comforting, but not always stable.
How could he expect her to go along with what he was saying? But she would… How tightly was the only concern. Some time, he’d need her to be strong. Was she going to be? He imagined her standing on both feet and hoisting the weight of the world, as if she were some heroic figure in his mind. He wanted her to occupy that place, and be that person. Same as he wanted to be for her.
”I really do love you, Trisha Bee. I know things are weird and whatever, but in the end we’re all we’ve really got. Right?” he asked, knowing what he believed the answer was.
Trisha nodded, her hands moving up to gently hold his face. She smiled at him like it wasn’t difficult to agree with. It wasn’t, really.
“Right.” It wasn’t like she came from a place of loads of support, and was having to abandon it to be with him. Beyond the financial, she always felt she’d have very little. And it wasn’t like she’d ever let herself depend on the few supportive friends she had. Not really.
“I, uh, well I struggle more with relying on someone else over myself. So… I know it doesn’t matter if we just have each other. Because we both survived alone before, right? We’ll only be stronger together.”
At least that was what she hoped. It had seemed the case so far… It wouldn’t be obvious to Casey, but her panic over the last few days had been a lot more muted than it would’ve been without him. Still bad, just not as bad.
But with how things had been recently, it felt like she was just taking without giving. Constantly needing comfort and calming, then pulling away yesterday when it got too much. But it wasn’t always like that… It wasn’t so much of a problem when her various issues weren’t triggered…
“And you know you can depend on me too, right? Like with the assassin.”
He giggled aloud as a reply.
”Oh, Baby, don’t I know it?-” he asked, both hands coming up to playfully pinch her cheeks. ”-You fuckin’ nailed that guy.” he laughed.
His hands moved to intwine with hers, fingers wrapping together with soft playfulness.
”We’re gonna be great. And, later today, you’ll have a nice ring… Now, I’ll ask since I have the luxury: What are you actually looking for in a ring? Something big? You want people to ask questions about what I do?” he asked, grinning and giggling as he remembered those two women from the other day gawking at him at the restaurant.
Trisha giggled in return, shaking her head. She didn’t actually want something big- it would be gaudy and impractical. She enjoyed wearing jewellery and rings, but she always tended to go towards more delicate styles.
“On these tiny fingers? Do you want half my finger to be some massive stone?” She wriggled her fingers in between his.
“Y’know, actually expensive jewellery tends not to be as flashy. Get something with high quality gold and real diamonds and other rich people will know anyway… Though I guess they wouldn’t be asking that question.” She shrugged one shoulder, smiling at him.
“I want something more delicate. I suit that more… Something with a nice gem, but not too big. Maybe a few smaller ones or a nice design on the band. I’ve been thinking about it, obviously, but I’m still not sure if I’d like the normal clear gem, or something with colour- like an Emerald. Not that it needs to be an expensive stone.”
She looked up at him, head tilting slightly.
“What do you think?”
”I… Think I wish we could wait until Thanksgiving…” he said, having gone from thoughtful to somewhat remorseful in his facial expression.
”It’s just, uh… Well, you’ve already got the ancestral ring from the coronation. I think it’d be romantic to give you a stone from my family’s collection. Something custom made to your desires, rather than something we just go and buy y’know? It’s not me being cheap, either; my Nanna doesn’t work for free!” he laughed aloud, leaving the idea half-proposed.
Trisha didn’t respond immediately as she thought about it. There were a few reasons she’d wanted it before Thanksgiving… She wanted it because it might help quell her anxieties during the event if her and Casey were separated. She could prove that she really didn’t care what her siblings or others said by wearing it openly… And more pettily, to show Tansy that she hadn’t gotten to Trisha. But was that worth throwing away a more romantic gesture, and a likely nicer ring?
“We can do that… It would be nice to have something tailor made to me, and a stone like that would mean a lot.” She said eventually, making sure to look directly at him so he knew she meant it. But then her gaze drifted to the side, her fingers idly rubbing against the back of his hand.
“I honestly… wanted to show off. To Ezra and Tansy, and then to prove that I don’t care what they think. But not having a ring then doesn’t make us not engaged. I’d rather it was a ring that really meant something than rushing to get one, even if it might make me a little more… confident. Being with you will be more than enough.”
Casey grinned a sly grin.
”We’ll have it before we see them that day. I promise, before any sort of ceremonies or anything else, you’ll be walking around in your perfect ring.”
He pushed up on one leg, sliding his hand behind himself and pulling out his Channeler. Sliding it onto his hand, he then extended the limb to Trisha.
”Here. Take my hand. I’m going to take an imprint of it from your mind through Telepathy. It’s… Kind of like AI generation, except you’re the intelligence, so it’s not really artificial. “ he giggled and smiled.
”So, I guess it’s really not. Never mind, ignore me.” he blushed.
“It’s really not, Babe,” Trisha laughed, eyes crinkling as she smiled warmly at him. It was cute. She found him really cute when he was like this.
“Human generation, but magical.”
Still giggling, she took the hand wearing the Channeler with her own.
“Go ahead and take it.”
”Well you’ve gotta think of it first… Go on, try!”
As she tried, his White Lux began to form a mist around her Emotional Field, filling it until an entrance was made and he was allowed to pass into her thoughts. Ring was front and center, and he managed to catch a glimpse of her putting it together in her mind before extracting it entirely.
As he did so, Trisha would find the image completely gone from her mind. Totally pulled away, Casey grinned despite a vaguely apologetic look beneath it.
”And now it’ll be a surprise for you. I’ve got it with me…”
His channeler-bound hand was clasped shut, and from it curled a little bit of white mist.
”If I open my hand without taking precautions, the memory is totally gone! Neat, huh?” he asked her, waving his clasped hand back and forth.
“Not neat if you lose it,” Trisha laughed, reaching out to grab his hand with both of hers. She tried to hold it in place, encompassing it as best she could. But she was smiling. She knew it was a joke.
Even if she would’ve appreciated being told the memory was being completely removed from her mind… But she could let that go. Starting to move forward by not dwelling on the little things…
“Then you’ll have to figure out the ring design, and that doesn’t seem like something you’d enjoy much. And it’d be a surprise for both of us whether I like it or not! So don’t lose my memory, alright? I worked very hard on it.”
Casey giggled, holding onto Trisha with both arms before sliding out from the couch a little bit.
”Dude, you’re gonna like it. You just imagined it. Now, I’ll be back in a few minutes - I’ve gotta mold the memory into something and get it to France as soon as possible.”
“Wait…” Trisha held onto him, a bit worried that if he disappeared now he might get dragged into work-related things- or they might go back to how they were before, just silently cuddling. Which was fine… but there was something else on her mind.
“Before you go… I wanted to ask something…” She stared up at him earnestly. He could hold onto the memory for another few minutes, surely?
“Do you think you can clear a day? Like, over the weekend or early next week…”
He was standing in the doorway, but didn’t hesitate to answer Trisha with a smile.
”Any day you need, Sweetheart. Why, something else coming up?” he asked in a non-accusatory fashion.
“I suppose you could say that…” Trisha smiled back, thinking about it for a moment. If they did it tomorrow she’d have less time to plan so… Sunday would make sense. It’d work with the vague plans she had.
“I’m taking you out on a date.”