Anyway, in conclusion, I should alter the backstory and fit in more reasons for him to have roots, make him get frozen a little earlier in life, and thereby thawed earlier. And to more firmly anchor him in Gobi, really put focus on the parts that makes him feel at safe and at home in the village. Anything else I forget amidst the walls of text?
I think you got it. If we both missed it Hat will be on your ass like a carbuncle. Also yes, I am of the tribe of swedes. Happy egg-hunting.
Nickname/Alias: Kai no shiroi kiri. (Kai of the white fog)
Gender: Male.
Age: 28.
Age Appearance: mid-20s.
Sexuality: Heterosexual.
-====-
Loyalty
Village: Gobigakure no sato. Village by the End.
Birthplace: Gobigakure no sato. Village by the End.
Organization: Gobigakure no sato. Village by the End.
-====-
Ninja Information
Clan/Bloodline: Chimotou. No KG.
Rank: Chuunin.
Chakra Nature: None.
-====-
Appearance
Body Type and Shape: Mesomorph, Pretty much rectangular shape.
Height: 5’7”, 170 cm.
Weight: 121p, 55kg.
Hair Color: White.
Hair Style: Spiky (this is anime), short, but a bit longer in the front.
Eye Color: Green.
Clothing: A short-sleeved dark blue jumpsuit with white stripes on the ends of the sleeves. A white belt that also holds up his belt pouch. Leg wraps from his special ninja-sandals to his knees. The look is completes with a short white scarf around his neck. A thick piece of leather is strapped to his left shoulder, held in place with leather straps that oner both arms. On his right forearm he usually wears a "tube" of leather secured with straps around the arm. This is to allow his summons (those small enough, which is all he can do at the moment) to sit on him and rest comfortably.
-====-
Biography
Background:
The Chimotou clan is one of the oldest in the Land of Lightning, for as long as the country has existed there has been a Chimotou-family within it, and for as long as they have existed they have been genjutsu specialists. Each generation teaching their best self-made Jutsu’s to the next so the clan grew stronger with each generation, they were so proud of their skills that they became extremely strict. A member of the Chimotou clan either had to marry another member of the clan, or a non-ninja so as not to dilute the next generations talent.
A few hundred years ago the first member of the clan was born that was physically incapable of performing Ninjutsu, it was also found that he had no natural chakra affinity. At first he was written off as a genetic mistake, but it was soon discovered that he could perform Genjutsu. So skilled in this area was the boy that he performed an A-rank genjutsu flawlessly at the age of 10. The clan studied the boy intently throughout his life, It was concluded that this boy’s chakra was only capable of being shaped into genjutsu. Naturally the clan was thrilled and married him off to the most talented female genjutsu artist in the clan hoping for his gift to transfer to his children, which it did. Skip forward multiple generations, roughly 150 years before the start of this game. The Chimotou clan wasn’t exactly thriving. In a skirmish with Konoha they had suddenly lost the only two members of the clan who could wield the white chakra (The “pure” chakra), both without heirs. The incest program was kicked into overdrive to conserve the precious bloodline. No longer were the head family allowed to marry outside the clan.
Generations of “blood purity” has left a taint on the clan, a process that was meant to strengthen the clan actually ended up weakening it. The practise of inbreeding has been made illegal by the clan leader in an effort to stop the decline of its members but it’s still much more likely that you’ll be born with no ninja talent at all than with it. The strict controlling nature of the clan has also driven members away, defection has been increasing over the last few generations and the official clan stands at only thirty members (in the Land of Lightning), only five are able to manipulate chakra.
Kai’s family has lived in Gobi for many generations. So many that the naturally darker skin tone that is common in the Land of Lightning has been replaced by the more wide-spread pale skin. Kai was born in the summer at the small village clinic. He was a happy child with few concerns in life who loved to explore the rocky areas inside the wall. As he became old enough he was tested for chakra manipulation, and was found competent enough. In school, however, he was a disaster. Held back several years, he was still unable to pull off anything above the E-rank techniques that some children could pick up in a matter of days. He was tested and retested, even by Hiroshi himself, and was always found to be able to move his chakra around inside his body, for some reason he just couldn’t form it into complex techniques. Assuming that the child would never be a ninja, or perhaps a late bloomer, Hiroshi pulled him out of school and suggested that he should train on his own, in his own pace, for a while and come back when something happened.
Train he did. He found a quiet spot near the wall and got to work. He could spend hours at a time there, which is no mean feat for such a small child, he was dedicated. Weeks passed, but no progress. He knew the facts behind the techniques, he knew what it should feel like and how chakra could be turned into techniques, but whenever he tried it just didn’t.
Near Kai’s training spot was another clearing, and sometimes an adult would use that place to meditate and practice. They never talked or anything, they had simply noticed each other and accepted that fact. One day the adult, a man about 20 or so, called him over. A bit hesitant, Kai went to him. He had no real reason to fear the man, Gobi was a calm and peaceful place (Ninja villages has a surprisingly low crime rate), but he was still a stranger. The man introduced himself as Shou, and said that he was a ninja. He was working on a new technique and needed someone to try it out on. “Don’t worry, it won’t hurt you. It is a genjutsu-technique, it’s only an illusion. You’ll learn about those in the school later. Just sit down here, and if you feel uncomfortable or scared just say the word and I’ll release the technique.” Kai sat down, still a little bit unsure. Shou sat down in front of him and made a few handsigns. “What do you see?” He asked. Kai looked around, but the clearing hadn’t changed at all, he told Shou. “How about now.” Shou disappeared, at first he flickered, blinking in and out of existence, but then he was gone. Kai told him. “Now tell me everything that happens.” Kai told the man about hearing footsteps around the clearing, shadows in the trees, the sun suddenly starting to move faster, and then backwards. “That’s great, I’ll release you now.” A slight tingling went through Kai’s body, and when he opened his eyes again Shou was still sitting in front of him.
“When you are under the influence of a genjutsu” Shout explained “Your eyes, ears, mouth… All the senses are still in the real world, only your mind is affected. When you were in there, your senses tried to tell you that it was wrong. The footsteps were mine as I walked around you, the shadow was mine as well, and the sun was partially obscured by a cloud halfway through. Most people doesn’t even get one warning, you got three. When I go back to town I’m going to talk to Hiroshi-sama about letting you into the genjutsu-classes. Said and done, Kai was back in school the next day, learning how to create illusions.
A few years later, when the art of genjutsu was had become Kai’s main focus, he was assigned a special trainer for weekend practice. Her name was Hachi, a somewhat skilled genjutsu artist and summoner who had just recently volunteered to become a teacher. Her lessons were always a bit chaotic, and even though she had good stuff to teach, only about half of it actually stuck. One of the things that did stick was a C-rank jutsu that allowed the user to call forth a powerful animal companion to fight.
“Because genjutsu artists needs to work so hard with our minds, we don’t have time to train our bodies and ninjutsu techniques like most ninjas. We are weaker in body, but stronger in spirit. Therefore we need to make sure that our bodies are always well protected. In a team the rest of the party will often defend the genjutsu artist, because as strategy goes, that’s a good one. But we can’t always rely on our team, sometimes we’re all alone. We might even have to defend ourselves against other genjutsu artists that knows our tricks and can counter them. There are many things that a genjutsu artist can do, but one of the most powerful is to sign a summoning contract with a sentient animal. That way this animal and all of its friends are bound to aid you in battle. On the other hand, you are also bound to come to their aid immediately if they call. I have a contract with the rams of the mountains, but I’m not important enough to them to allow anyone else to sign their contract. If you want a contract you must leave the village, live outside, in the mountains and forests, offer your help to whatever animal you come across and maybe, just maybe, they’ll let you sign their contract.”
Kai went out in the wilderness. At first he hesitated to interact with anyone or anything. He wondered what would happen if he ended up with a really lame animal summon, like a slug. He was only fifteen at the time, and the immense and awesome power of sentient animals was beyond him. After a few weeks he gave up on meeting a “cool” animal to bond with, but with little luck. At that time the forest knew what he was after, as he’d been honest enough to admit it to the animals he’d refused to help. Once a week he went back to the village to get food and supplies. After two months he’d started to give up and was honestly starting to consider other options. He noticed a tiger stalking a prey and got curious. He followed the tiger for a while, and noticed that it was a fluffy bunny. He felt a bit bad for the little thing, but he’d been told that there was a big difference between helping and interfering with nature. Just before the tiger pounced an eagle swooped down from nowhere, caught the unsuspecting rodent in its claws and was gone before the huge feline could react. Obviously angered by the bird, the tiger roared in rage and the eagle, though it was in the air and safe, promptly dropped the carcass and flew away, leaving the tiger to eat in peace. Intrigued by this display of unnatural behaviour Kai decided to follow the eagle. The journey was not easy in any sense of the word. Eagles are swift and capable flyers. It it had known about Kai it could’ve gotten away quite easily. Finally, they arrived at the bird’s nest, and Kai started to climb. The eagle had chosen a hole in one of the cliffs as a nest, so getting close without looking suspicious was extremely hard. Kai had to climb a short distance at a time, then stop and make sure that the eagle wasn’t looking, then climb again. After hours of climbing (luckily Kai could use chakra to get a better grip) he reached a small plateau where he could rest safely. The nest was in view, but still far away.
He approached the nest after a few hours rest. He moved slowly, carefully, but with great determination. The eagle saw him and let him come close, silent, patient. When Kai was almost at the nest the bird spoke to him in human language. A small part of Kai was thrilled. “If you’ve come for my eggs you’re twofold a fool.” Said she, for it was a female voice. “How so?” Asked Kai, genuinely curious. “For one you chose the wrong way, if you had approached from the south I wouldn’t have seen you until you were very close, there is also a path that makes climbing a lot easier than the almost vertical climb you’ve done.” “And the second reason?” The eagle didn’t answer, but flapped her wings once and unleashed an impossibly powerful, yet tiny gust of wind that struck Kai like a miniature typhoon. He lost his grip and began to fall. A desperate clawing at the rocks slowed his fall enough for him to get a hold on reality and focus more chakra to his hands. He stopped falling, and without looking down to see how close to death he’d come, started to climb once more.
“Stubborn human, why can’t you leave me alone?” “I have a question.” “Ask then, and promise to leave.” “I saw you in the forest earlier, you caught a rabbit, then you dropped it when the tiger roared, why? You were in no danger.” The eagle turned and looked Kai straight in the eyes, the mere look suggested that she thought him thrice a fool for asking. “But I was.” Said she “Now leave me! I must guard my eggs.”
For a few days Kai witnessed the strange pair, and he saw that as soon as the tiger roared the eagle did its bidding. To call it unnatural would be a grave understatement. Why this was so did not become apparent until he took a walk early in the morning by the cliffs and saw the tiger leaving just south of the eagle’s nest. He did the math, the tiger had found the path up to the nest and threatened the eagle’s eggs. The eagle had chosen a poor site for her nest. He climbed up to the nest again.
“I know why you do as the tiger says.” “Stubborn human, can’t you leave things alone” Said she, and Kai could see that she was thinner than before. “I can make sure that the tiger never comes back.” The eagle laughed. “You are nothing but a new meal to the tiger.” “Perhaps, will you let me try?” “You do what you want, stubborn human, it is your way.” “If I succeed I want something of you.” “Naturally, humans always want something.” “I want to sign a summoning contract with you, and the eagles of these mountains.” The eagle turned and looked Kai right in the eye again. “Then you better be prepared to kill the tiger. Only then will I consider it.”
Thinking it unwise to upset a tiger without making sure it couldn’t come for him later, Kai made a plan. He locked a genjutsu to his white fog technique and climbed the easy path, leaving a thin trail behind as he went. Such a trail was almost invisible, but it would also take some time to do its work. Then he waited. Early the next morning, the tiger appeared, and started to climb up to the nest to make sure that the eagle was scared enough for the day. It inhaled the thin white fog, got it in the eyes, nose, stuck in the fur and paws. As it reached the nest it looked straight at the eagle with a surprised expression on its face. It didn’t roar, it didn’t make a sound. It simply turned and walked right off the edge. On its way down it hit a couple of rocks, cried out, and then fell silent. With a thud it struck the ground and remained motionless.
“What did you do?” The eagle asked with great suspicion. “I used a genjutsu” Kai explained “I made the tiger think that this platform was suddenly empty and very close to the ground.” “But the tiger knew… it has been here hundreds of times” “It trusted its senses more than its memory. It must’ve thought that it took the wrong way somewhere and jumped down to find the right one. No matter what went through the tiger’s mind, it won’t bother you again.”
Later that day the eagle came to kai’s campsite together with a great eagle, easily big enough to carry Kai and all of his possessions without trouble. The great eagle carried a huge scroll, and explained that his signature on it would bind him to the eagles, and the eagles to him.
Today: As a chuunin of Gobi, and one of very few genjutsu artists in the village, Kai helps out with the academy as much as he can. He has a few students that have some talent in genjutsu, but ultimately he feels unsure about teaching as he still haven’t mastered genjutsu himself. Kai knows all the other genjutsu artists in the village and wants to count himself among the most powerful, and then feels like a fool, because the stories from the outside world (and the ninja world war) talks about people with a lot more power. Kai’s natural curiosity makes him a regular sight by the travelling merchants, hungry for news about the world outside the rocks. While Kai loves Gobi with all his heart and sould, there is a small part of him that wants to get out and see the world. The fact that he hasn't had a proper mission in half a year doesn't help either, and sometimes when he trains Kai feels like he's stuck in a rut that he cannot overcome.
Personality: Like most people that have been brought up in a small society Kai is trusting and genuinely believes himself to be happy. He knows almost everyone in Gobi by face of not by name and gets along with most people he meets in a day. Being a rare genjutsu artist Kai has a tendency to feel a bit superior towards the brutish taijutsu specialists, but he won’t admit it to their faces.
-====-
Special Traits
Genjutsu artist - Kai’s mind works differently. He sees details, shapes and colours clearly that most people wouldn’t bother with. In order to create great illusions, you need to notice those things.
Ninjutsu retard - Kai is cursed. While he is a capable genjutsu artist, ninjutsu is a form of chakra manipulation that will never come easy for him.
Excellent chakra control - A trademark of genjutsu artists.
Favoured summon - Kai has an eagle that almost always answers his summoning and that he gets along with better than the others. This is a normal-sized eagle called Hayate. Hayate has excellent eye-sight and is surprisingly strong for his size.
Natural curiosity - Anything that Kai doesn't know about, he wants to know. While not a hardcore reader and scholar, Kai thinks it's healthy to expose yourself to new areas of knowledge, art, physical activity and philosophy.
-====-
Equipment
Clothes. A pouch with several kunai, shuriken and a small roll of ninja wire. Summoning tattoo - A mesh of chakra symbols on Kai’s left forearm. Made to create a summon without seals. Only used as last resort.
-====-
Jutsu:
Ninjutsu:
Name: Kushiyose no jutsu / Summoning technique. Classification Summon. Rank: C-Rank. Effect: Summons an eagle to help Kai, the size and type of eagle is determined by the amount of chakra Kai pours into the technique. Drawback: Kai must use his own blood and a few handsigns to get the summoning to work. Given Kai’s lack of talent for ninjutsu it might not work if he’s stressed.
Name: Shiroi kiri no jutsu / White fog technique. Classification Rank: D-Rank. Effect: The user lets her chakra pour out of tenketsu (chakra holes) all over her body. Upon contact with air the chakra forms a white mist around the ninja. Much like a Nara clansman can control the dimensions of her shadow or an Aburame clansman can control her bugs a wielder of white fog can control the dimensions of her fog. All the way from “almost invisible” to “completely obscuring”, any shape and size. The fog itself is simply another genjutsu trigger, and the density of the fog determines both the strength of the genjutsu and the time it will take for it to work. Drawback: Executing a strong genjutsu with a fog that is almost invisible will take a considerable amount of time and is best done from a safe place. Once the fog is placed it cannot be moved or manipulated any more.
Taijutsu: None
Genjutsu:
Name: Genjutsu kai / Genjutsu release. Classification Genjutsu. Rank: C-Rank. Effect: This techniques sends a wave of disruptive chakra through the target (user or other) and aims to disrupt any illusion. Drawback: Can only disrupt illusions of same rank or lower. Needs use of arms and hands or other trigger.
Name: / Trusted friend technique. Classification Genjutsu. Rank: B-Rank. Effect: This genjutsu works like a perfected Henge no jutsu. Basically it targets the opponent's mind and memory, from the database of “trusted people” it grabs one seemingly at random and gives the user this appearance. Along with the appearance the user is given the “top layer” of info that is associated with this person. This could be a name, a place, a type of food, anything. As the appearance is taken straight from the victim’s memory, the illusion is flawless. Drawback: While the appearance is flawless, the technique is not. The user only has an appearance and very limited data to go on and must therefore use her own skills in acting and improvisation to truly convince the target that the illusion is real.
Name: Narakumi no Jutsu / Hell Viewing Technique Classification Genjutsu. Rank: D-Rank. Effect: This is a genjutsu that reveals the fears that dwell inside people's hearts. Everyone has an image of the one thing they wouldn't want to ever see. This genjutsu is a technique that draws forth such an image from within the heart and has one mistake it for reality. First, a trigger of some form is used to engage the target. After a short period, the illusion will begin. This is to make the illusion more convincing, since the user will likely have moved before the illusion sets in. If the mental image is a gruesome one, the shock will be accordingly great. Drawback: This technique works in the same way as nightmares sometimes does. It picks the most recent, or first “bad” thought in the mind of the victim and displays it as reality. As such the illusion may be incredibly easy to see through.
Name: / Paradise Viewing Technique Classification Genjutsu. Rank: D-Rank. Effect: This is a genjutsu that reveals the passion that dwells inside people's hearts. Everyone has something that they would want more than anything in the world. This genjutsu is a technique that draws forth such an image from within the heart and has one mistake it for reality. First, a trigger of some form is used to engage the target. After a short period, the illusion will begin. This is to make the illusion more convincing, since the user will likely have moved before the illusion sets in. If the technique is successful the target is reduced to a smiling fool, blind to reality. Drawback: This technique works in the same way as dreams sometimes does. It picks the most recent, or first “good” thought in the mind of the victim and displays it as reality. As such the illusion may be incredibly easy to see through.
Great post, you've given me a lot to think about and quite frankly I have to say that I agree on multiple accounts after my first reading.
Why he didn't stay in Konoha. I buy this reasoning. This is exactly the kind of reasoning I was after when I started to poke you about it. It's great to see what the plan behind this was.
The Hat has made me aware of one thing though, and I think that the best way to deal with it is to simply be honest.
Whenever I get an Uchiha/Sharingan-user in my games I get suspicious.
That's the long and the short of it. It's not personal on any level, I've just seen the Sharingan being misused/powergamed too much, and as a GM who wants to be serious and tell a story it's quite frankly depressing to have a player go for ultimate power and not giving a crap about the story. It has happened too many times. This is why I've been poking you about stuff, I want to see if you're really serious with your choice of character(and the stuff that comes with it). The thing that made Hat's radar go off is two lines in your reply to this. "However, I am a fan of liking to at least imagine we, as fans can create more 3dimensional characters than the Shounin source" and "I'm looking to produce a very shounen character in Aro." They do seem to contradict each other, which sucks because I believe that the level of insight you've provided means that you are a serious player and want to make this work. This might all be a wording-thing. I get it, I'm a second language English-user and words are hard sometimes even for natives.
Getting a gf. Yeah, the more stuff you can throw in that would result in a stronger connection to Gobi, the better.
Telling a different story. I get the different perspective. It's original and a great concept. I think it's very creative and all that. I'm just afraid that since the character is not on the same page as the others he might get alienated for it. I think I've stated all the arguments I can and if you still think it's a good idea then I can only wish you good luck with it.
Chakra control-thingy. Yeah, what you said.
Sharingan. Yeah, you seem to have a good grip on this. I'll allow it.
It's great to get more insight into the inner workings of the character, small details like that makes a big difference. Still, I can't really see it. No, it's not that I don't see it, I just think that this needs more weight. I mean, the character was born in a time of chaos, only the other clansmen could be trusted. Then he witnessed the biggest change in recent history (forming the villages) and went to war with his new allies to defend their new home. Frozen, waiting... Thawed, comes back, sees that everyone he once knew is dead... And leaves? I mean, he fought for this, he saw the negotiations with the Senju for it, he helped build it, he went to an organized war with an old enemy as an ally to defend it. It is the one place that he would be connected to the strongest, despite the change of time, and yet he decides to go live in a dump up north where he was nursed for a while? I mean, why? Why would Gobi feel more alike a home than the village he risked his life for? This should be a huge thing!
Leaving stuff behind. Yes, this character did that, and that is actually part of the problem. He has already cut all the ties with his old world. Everyone is dead, new people live in his house, he's gone up north. He's not tied to Gobi, he wasn't born there, he has no fond childhood memories of the place. The house he stays in might be a hotel, not the house his parents built. When he leaves he might think "Yeah, that was that village, time to go." He won't be scared, he was/is a proven warrior. What I'm trying to say is that this isn't you average Naruto-game where it's all about kicking ass in the most spectacular way possible. We want some real drama here, and having characters that are connected in the trauma of leaving everything behind means that they will have things to talk, cry and laugh about that everyone knows about. This character is on a whole other level. When the others are talking about life back in the village he'll have very little to add because he didn't live there. When he talks about his trauma the others won't be able to comprehend it because they've never been close to anything like it. Even after leaving the village they are still connected to each other. It's apples and oranges.
He has to unlearn everything he ever learned. I'm not sure what you meant to say with this, but I'll try to sort it out. Just to be clear, after the villages were formed the world hasn't changed a whole lot. Sure, specifics have changed. Specific people, alliances, techniques, events, buildings, training practices, rituals... Yeah, it was a while ago, things change. But the core principles does not. He has seen real ninja v ninja battle. He knows what it is like to have an enemy for a neighbour that you need to befriend and keep secrets from. He knows what kind of a place a real hidden village is. Just the fact that he has spent that kind of time out in the world has given him a kind of confidence and resolve that the rest of the cast lacks.
Chakra control. Yes the world was a different place back then with other priorities. I just thought it was strange that he'd learned B-rank techniques (let's face it, B-rank is starting to get pretty advanced) before he'd learned to utilize proper chakra control. It seemed like he was doing it the wrong way around. Me and hat talked about this one for a while and eventually agreed to disagree because we both had valid points from different perspectives. Mine would be that this is "backwards", but hey, if it works...
Thawed out more recently. Yeah, that would actually make it worse. That would mean that you're even less connected to Gobi.
Jutsus. Yeah, the wiki lists them as B-rank, and yes, because it is Madara the techniques are bigger than they would've been "for real". Still, this is the only example we have and to my ears they don't sound like B-ranked techniques. However, it is in the wiki and we kind of have to do as it says.
Being frozen earlier (in life). That would actually be at least a step in the right direction as it would remove some of his experience fighting and interacting with the world. But I would actually like to see him thawed earlier as well to give him the chance to really connect to and feel at home in Gobi so that he can feel the same thing that the others will when they leave.
Sharingan. Yeah, it's the elephant in the room. Might as well go through with it. I see that you realise what kind of hassle the Sharingan can be in RPs. It's simply a bag of great stuff that you can get for free, and with a little work and a lot of talent you can basically become the Highlander. I mean, just look at the wiki page.
But in order to asses the situation properly I have to ask... What is your intention with the sharingan? I mean, you have a pretty great character concept even without it.
@Halvtand Ok, we'll say that he learned the technique on the scroll practicing with Hiroshi, only the 2 of them. And about the temp. control, I'll say that it doesn't effect any kind of water except the one produced by his jutsus. Seem fair? Now I can't throw someone in the lake and freeze/boil the sh*t out of them XD(or just freeze/boil their blood...) And the temp. can be controlled by the user at the start of the jutsu and every time he gets into contact with his water/steam/ice he can change it.***If it is a small amount of water(glass size) he can change it's temp from longer ranges(some feet away)*** And needless to say the more water he changes the temp. of the more chakra he uses. he So where does this technique classify? (E/D/C/B etc.) Edit: I could remove the ice/steam part if it seems too op and make it hellishly hot and ...hellishly cold?(you know, many people view hell with different properties)
Sorry for not dealing with you earlier, it has been a hectic day. I think this is very reasonable. I would like it if you removed ice and steam as "forms" or whatever, as that is pretty firmly KG-territory. But throwing 0 or 100 degree (c) water on someone will cause panic and chaos enough I think :) Classification on a technique like this is a bitch, but I think I'd like to put it down for C or B as it is quite lethal if used right. Of course most of the deadliness depends on which technique it is used with... What do you think?
Too late for a seasoned Naruto-Vet to jump in and get accepted?
Not late at all. Jump as much as you want.
Also, feedback:
Renedo, sounds more Spanish than Japanese, is this by intention?
Background: Being frozen - Obvious Aang/cpn America-reference aside. It works, it gives a plausible excuse to your character not knowing anything about the world and you've provided us with drawbacks from this event, so I have to say that this is good.
Thawed and brought to Gobi. I don't know if this is some kind of error done by typing to fast or the made up geography being too confusing (Wouldn't be the first time), but Kumo is actually quite far from Gobi, Konoha is actually closer I believe, as is Iwa I think. It's a small nitpick, and it can be easily fixed, but it kind of stuck in my head. Also, if he was close to any of these villages, or any other village for that matter, wouldn't they bring him there? Sure, ninja doctor > muggle doctor, but muggle doctor > no doctor.
There and back again: I'm having a hard time with this. Sure everyone is gone and stuff, but why wouldn't he stay with what little family he had? Why would he leave them? You wrote earlier "When the world was savage, hard. When all you had to count on was your brothers - his fellow Uchiha." And now suddenly he's like "meh" and leaves? Not only that, it is quite a trip, the tunnel to get into/out of Gobi takes a day, and that's the only "safe" place between Gobi and Konoha.
Today. This is where things starts to get iffy. From what you've written I don't get the feeling that your character is connected to or concerned for the village or its people. Leaving the village, which is supposed to be a big, scary step into the unknown, feels like a it's more of a weekend trip for this character. He's not really leaving anything, while the others are leaving (literally) everything. In the personality you even say that "He is dreaming back to the life he left". I mean, he doesn't even want to be here.
Traits: A decade of xp - This is pretty much exactly what we did not want the characters to have. It is the whole sheltered life/no exp/into the unknown-thing that is the base for the theme of this game. I'm sorry, but this is one that I really have to put my foot down on. Allowing this would change the setting too much.
A wider understanding of the world - albeit an aged one. Same thing again. Imagine the kind of advantage this give the character over the others. He knows about real battle, he can think on his feet, he can analyse jutsus, he has fought other ninjas in life or death scenarios. Only one of the other characters have been close to that and he was a child at the moment, and he's now chased by hunter-nins for it. The others? We don't really know if they've ever fought another ninja outside the sparring-ring. I'm sorry, it's just upsetting the balance of power too much.
PTSD - Yeah, this is a result of the experience.
The rest is fine, and I like how you turn his time as an ice cube into a real thing for the character.
Jutsus: "He is able to use the tree climbing and water running techniques - techniques he learned after being thawed out." Why wouldn't he learn this before? I mean, from the background we can infer that he was thawed out fairly recently (or at least not too long ago) and that pretty much all his knowledge (including jutsus) are from before the ice age. That would mean that he's managed to learn four regular jutsus (up to B-rank) before he learned to control his chakra well enough to stick his feet to a wall? Um...
Great fireball technique - Yeah, Uchiha, it's like your ID-card.
Great fire things - I'm not sure about these. I mean, these were used in the canon by a fairly heavy dude that did not screw around. Reading the description I cannot fathom how one of these are supposed to be B-rank. Not when the description states "requiring the combined efforts of several Water Release users in order to extinguish the flames." That doesn't sound like a technique that Chuunin are supposed to know. That sounds like an S-rank or at least A to me. Anyway, I am not sure about these.
Genjutsu: Genjutsu; Sharingan. - Ok?
Smokescreen is good, but isn't Asuma's smoke-technique awfully similar?
I think Aro has quite a lot of techniques compared to his peers, but it makes sense for someone trained in such a different age to have a little more skill and jutsu under their belt, while talking plenty of time to getting readjusting to the world. On that subject, I am considering changing how long since he Captain America'd; so he might've been thawed only, say, a year or six months.
Very true, it would make sense. This character should be a lot stronger and capable than our current crew with this kind of backstory. Sadly, I think that is just the problem. This character was originally made for another game, right? I just feel that this character is supposed to be something that this setting can't quite handle, this character left the level that our characters are on very early in his life, and even considering the fact that he has some drawbacks from his time in the ice, he's going to leave those behind quite quickly once he can really let loose.
Please note that all of this is just based on the character as a basic ninja. I haven't even talked about what the Sharingan can do for the balance of power.
I messaged Halvtand with a question, but other than that I should be able to crank out a sheet later today, since I finally have a day off work
I have seen it and I'm getting to it once I'm done here. Hopefully you understand, being a GM isn't easy. :)
To start off I suggest you add some weight as it is a little bit too "normal" for a guy who's supposed to be training all the time and be at "peak physical condition".
I would like to see more info on the clan, their background, the background of the KG... Of course the background for the character as well. More backstory, please. Also, how does the character know about the structure of the Hyuuga clan?
Burning flames. So he's kind of a momentum-based berserker?
Katon: Hi Sunēku Justu (Fire Release : Fire Snake Jutsu) This thing has me puzzled for a number of reasons. First, I would liken it to Kakashi's lightning wolf-thing instead of the water dragon (based on the description you gave for how the technique works). Which is a technique based on Raikiri (S-rank). So the rank is a bit low at B, I realise that you've probably built it on the water dragon that is C-rank. I would actually set this at A-rank at least, and probably S-rank. As you write, it takes extreme control to use it.
Also, this is your only katon-technique. And it is B-rank (at least chuunin-level). You need to build up proficiency in the relevant skills to be able to pull of something like that. I must insist that you get at least one katon-technique that can serve as a parent to this technique.
Burning blade. Like Bishop said, this should be in ninjutsu. Basically when it comes to these hybrids I look at where the focus lies. On the taijutsu or the ninjutsu. In this case the fire chakra in the blade and the chakra-enhanced legs seems to do all the work. Compared to another hybrid (Hyuuga's Jyuuken-style) that has the fighting as focus and the chakra-stuff as backup this is a pretty clear case. Also the rank is a bit screwed. Again I reference a lightning technique, but one that only does half of this technique. Chidori katana. This is B-rank. How much fire in the blade are we talking about by the way? Flames? Simply hot? Red-hot? white-hot? They all affect the cutting ability of the sword greatly depending on what it is that's being cut.
Anyway, that's all I have time for right now, I'll get to the rest later.
@alexfangtalon Like I told Bishop before, I generally don't see the point in shutting down someone's idea before I've had a chance to see how it all fits together. Do be warned though, we allow people to be born outside the village, but it is not something we're really thrilled about. One of the major themes in this game is that our characters have lived very sheltered lives and our perception of ourselves will clash with reality once we leave Gobi. If someone wants to be born outside the village we generally want this to add something to the character, it must carry some kind of meaning, while the character should be just about as sheltered as those who were born in the village.
It's a "hidden technique" which I learned from the book containing techniques passed down from generation to generation from my clan. This is the only technique written in a book whilst the others are passed down orally but since my character was only a kid he never had the chance to learn even a single one, with what happened and all. But even the book requires a hidden technique of it's own to be read which is only passed orally(else what's the point) and he learned this from his geno-sensei which in turn learned it from my character's father(because sensei is not part of the clan but was considered a brother to my char's father). I would also like to add a sword "secret technique" that he learned from geno-sensei himself while in his run from the Hidden Mist assassins.@Halvtand
I like the backstory of this, and the detail about the scroll being locked with some kind of password, it fits with the whole setting very nicely. What kind of temperatures are we talking about, really? Is the technique able to create ice and steam or is it bound to "freezing cold" annd "hellishly hot" water? I don't want to be that guy, but since ice and steam are considered KGs in the canon I would need a really good reason to allow a non-KG to have the same effect. One restriction I would put on this is that I think your character would've had to share this info with either Hyuuga Hiroshi or another "trusted" and more skilled ninja in Gobi. Naruto (ep 1) and the forbidden scroll aside, people generally need guidance and instructions when they learn new techniques to get it right. Because Hiroshi is a jounin (legit) he has the kind of experience needed to actually teach someone from a scroll.
Secret sword technique, yeah, go ahead, as long as it isn't "totally OP, OMG NERF!" I generally don't see the point in beating something down until I've actually had a chance to see the whole thing.
@alexfangtalon There are a few chakra absorption techniques in the canon. Please have a look at those. Do keep in mind that while KGs are allowed in the game, they are supposed to be extremely rare, and even more so in a village like Gobi.
@Halvtand What do you think about a water clone jutsu that freezes the opponent after it explodes or burns them with hot water(basically change the temp. of the water that the clone is made of and make the clone explode if the user wills it) And basically my character will have the ability to change the temperature of the water even up to the point to change it's form enhancing moves like "Water Bullet".
My first thought is that its seems like a fine ability. However you would need some kind of "root" of this ability that explains it. Other players would for instance combine the water element with air and/or fire to create the ice and steam elements, but I assume that you're not after new elements but rather an ability to alter temperature, correct? If so I would like to know how this ability is similar or different from the elemental chakra GKs? And also if this ability is considered a KG in itself, or a hijutsu-technique, or some other form of ability?
@Ciphra I remember you... Vaguely. And I remember that KG! Vaguely. It sounds familiar. I know we've played some Naruto-stuff together, but a quick run through the games in my subs-list hasn't turned up anything tangible. If you can find that character I would very much appreciate it as I seem to have gotten stuck and is now going around in circles... Anyway, we gladly accept new players. If you've read the thread so far you'll see that we have... Only one approved character, so there is still time to jump in and be apart of the game from the start. I think everyone has at least posted a WIP, so you can get a picture of what we already have going for us. Not that we can't double up on stuff of course.
As GM of this game I officially abstain from voting on your character-thingy. This way I can claim that I let my players have a say in what goes on, and can heckle people about the disaster they are about to bring.
Member
