Simple Unicycle
Izurich
Morden Man
Dad and I lounge on the couch, some meaningless college football bowl game on the screen, and the sun begins to slowly sink down below the horizon. Neither of us have changed out of our pajamas all day, which I would consider a perfect Christmas day. Well, Mom being here too would be a perfect day. But this is about as good as one can get from here on in. And I'm not going to complain about that one bit.
"So are we going to talk about it?" Dad asks after stuffing a cookie into his face.
"Talk about what?" I ask, not looking up from spinning the new drumsticks Dad got me. "The training thing again? I think I'm at least gonna go check it out, yea. Worse comes to worst I'll just run away or something."
"That's not what I meant and you know it," he looks at me sideways. "I was talking about the Stacy and Watson Cold War at dinner last night. We almost didn't need to refrigerate the leftovers."
Looking up, I meet his gaze. He's worried. Of course he's worried. Why wouldn't he be?
"It's complicated, Dad," I shake my head.
"Is it? My experience as a teenager says nothing that happens at your age is all that complicated," he deadpans.
"Really? Not even being bitten by a genetically chaotic spider, getting superpowers, and having to save the city time after time? You had a much more interesting childhood than you'e ever let on, Dad," my eyebrows raise at him.
He tilts his head at me, "You know what I mean, Gwen."
"Dad...she's just become ridiculous. Her and Harry both. Acting like the own everything around them, and they're better than everyone else," I explain. "And we got in a fight about it. She threw back that I haven' t been...well present recently. She's not wrong on that front. But still, she won't even admit that she's been totally different ever since Oscorp got the Goblin line into production."
"Sometimes that happens, sweetheart," he tries to explain. "But you want to be there for her when she realizes the mistakes she's made. We all do things we're not proud of when we're young. But you don't want to lose a friend like MJ over something like that. Okay?"
"Yea." I know he's right, but it doesn't make me feel any less mad at her.
Before either of us can say another word, a breaking news bulletin comes across the TV, interrupting the game.
"Sorry to interrupt your Christmas day, ladies and gentlemen, but we have breaking news coming across our desk. Several Manhattan banks have been robbed in the last hour, all reporting what could be massive explosions ripping off the vault doors, with masked men awaiting the money from outside. Police assume more robberies will be committed before the night is over, and are urging all citizens to stay at home and stay off the streets to ensure their safety. We'll update you with any additional information as it comes in. Now, back to the game."
Saved by the crime, I guess.
"Looks like superheroes don't get the night off," I say to dad as I head to my room to change into my suit. "I'll keep you updated."
"I might go into work as well," he said, heading to check his phone. "They may actually use me on this one."
"Sounds good," I nod to him. "Be careful."
"Yea...you too."
**********
It doesn't take me long to follow the trail of blown out banks littering Manhattan this snowy Christmas night. The flakes started to fall as I began swinging into the heart of the city. On a normal Christmas, it would be the perfect cap to the perfect day. Now it just means things are going to be even more of a mess.
So far I haven't seen any flames in the destroyed banks, but it definitely looks like some kind of bomb went off in them. A few cop cars are at each site, but so far I haven't seen a huge response from them. The perils of calling people in on a Holiday, I assume. No one expects a crime spree on Christmas night.
Man, my life is starting to sound like a Monty Python sketch.
Not only are the streets devoid of cop cars, but there's not anyone milling about. Not all that surprising, Christmas is a kind of night where New York is quiet. But the utter lack of anyone is a bit creepy, if I'm being honest. The warning must have gotten out pretty well. Either that or people are celebrating a lot harder than they usually do on this night.
"So where are you going next?"
I don't need to search for long, though. Two blocks down, the first floor of a building blows out like a can of Coke stomped on from above, showering the street with glass and debris. A black van speeds towards the front of the bank, and men in yellow, old-timey hockey masks jump out and begin shuttling money from inside.
One of the men tosses a bag towards the van, and I snatch it out of the air with a webline, "Well someone is going on the naughty list for next year!"
"It's Spider-Woman!" he yells as I toss the bag of money back at him, knocking him off his feet.
"I'm gonna be honest," I land on the van, "I really don't understand why you guys are always so surprised to see me. Who the hell else is going to show up when you're robbing banks?"
"Waste her!"
With that, the gunfire starts. They always have to try and shoot me, don't they. Guns. So uncivilized.
The bullets fly around me as I corkscrew through the air, using my Spider Sense to stay perfectly safe. As I do, I fire weblines, clogging their barrels and causing them all to misfire. I land in the middle of them, and shake my head, "You guys never learn. I think I know what your New Years resolution should be."
"Down!" a voice yells from inside the bank, and all the guys in the yellow masks drop to the ground. Before my reflexes can save me, a pressurized vibration of air slams into me, sending me flying back. My hip hits the top of the van, sending a sharp pain radiating down my leg and causing me to windmill through the air until I land hard on the pavement.
Groggily I look up to see the men finish loading the van. They all get inside, and I see the one who just blasted me. He's wearing some weird, red and yellow padded suit, and on his arms are chrome, metallic devices that hum with a potent energy. He waves at me mockingly before saluting me.
The van speeds off and I try and shake the cobwebs out of my brain so I can give chase.
"I swear to god, next Christmas all I want is no super villains."
The Spectacular Spider-Woman
in
in
Jingle Bell Shock!
