hoopadoop — Roleplayer Guild

@hoopadoop
I am saying that I'll take another look at your sheet once you get a bit more familiar with the site and roleplaying in general. 

As for the look I did: The sheet has a lot of problems with grammar. Garrison can't have a military backstory. The Framewerks already have neural connections with their pilots if that wasn't made clear yet, so it's redundant. The field generator will either have to take up the secondary weapon slot or not be included at all. The techno-babble irks me due to the fact that it looks like you threw it around to make the sheet look more impressive than it is. Am I supposed to deduce that the primary weapons are the mecha's fists? If I was, then the primary weapon section failed in its purpose of explaining it clearly. Using fists instead of weapons does not equal low offensive power, so you'll either have to drop the high armor or the high speed.

If this is the level of writing I'm going to expect from you, then I recommend you seek another RP.@Ariamis

The techno babble was for fun I have removed it as well as the military background and the barrier.I have also made the primary weapon description more clear. Am I allowed high speed in a straight line or when falling or during take off using my secondary weapon system to decrease my mass? If not I'd like to change it to something else and just stomp around punching Cruxi. 

Here is the revised sheet when you get the chance
Name: Garrison Stuart
Appearance: Garrison is a stout young man about 5’6 inches tall with tan skin, calloused hands, hairy arms, and a barrel chest with just a tuft of hair. Dark brown eyes sunken in his round face with the stubble of a boy who hit puberty early and bulbous nose. His shaggy brown hair hangs to his broad back.  Usually wears his pilot jumpsuit or fatigues. 
Age:16
Personality: reserved, contemplative, polite
Motive to live: Vengeance
Background: Garrison grew up with his father and mother in the slums of a far off colony planet. There the Stuarts had a combination tailor/dojo. His father stitched and hemmed clothes while his mother taught the ancient art of Jiu Jitsu. Growing up Garrison quickly became a second degree black belt in Jui Jitsu. Everything was going well until one night the Cruxi attacked his home planet and Garrison watched his mother being atomized in plasma beam. Garrison continued his hand to hand combat training after joining Framewerk.
Notable deaths: mother
Other:

Codename: GOLEM (Orbital Drop Shockmecha MD# 13423)
Appearance:   
Signature Weapon: the GOLEM uses his entire body to attack his enemies, smashing with arms and legs, tearing limbs off Cruxi with its powerful grip. The GOLEM can also launch its entire body as a projectile using its repulsor jets and the HBIMM the GOLEM can make itself super dense before impact increasing the force of the impact. 
Secondary weapon: HBIMM. A device about the size of a dairy cow near the mechs core. 
capable of altering the mass of the GOLEM for limited periods of time, the change in mass ranging from super heavy to extremely light. 
The device placed behind the cockpit generates an opposing field shielding the pilot from the effects. Using this system GOLEM is able to reduce its mass for faster take off using its massive repulsor drives.    
Armor type: extreme density ablative armor plating which protects the GOLEM from massive impacts such as accelerated orbital drops and anti material fire.  
Special:BLANK
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