Invader Len

St. Fortuna's Academy for the Higher Arts

@Holy Grail Good job at fixing up her backstory, however, you left her previous backstory in her personality. Edit that, please. :)

St. Fortuna's Academy for the Higher Arts

@Holy Grail Reviewing now! :)

St. Fortuna's Academy for the Higher Arts

@Invader Len

The race is on to adjust the Character Sheets. Who will win, who will go home defeated. Find out in the next episode of DBZ.

@SunsetRoses

More like who will win, and who will be placed on the waiting list. XD

St. Fortuna's Academy for the Higher Arts

@13org

Isaak Ivanov Review

Just a few things. First off, I’m going to point out that you put your character’s height as 5’99”. I’m going to assume that was a typo, as otherwise he would be a giant at 13’3”. A 7’0” tall character was silly, this would be just plain ridiculous.

Next up, the grenade incident. We have some concerns about this. First off, why would a live grenade be used in a military academy training high schoolers? I don’t have to be the child of a lawyer to have that scream “LIABILITY” at me in big, fat letters. If it was a prank or a trick, why would they pull the pin? The same effect could be done by chucking a rock at the kid and yelling “grenade”, or throwing a dud. Please make this more realistic.

In addition, we’re skeptical about the probability of a high schooler surviving shrapnel from a grenade in his face at the places the scars suggest. Assuming you’re going off of the image as a reference, the shrapnel would probably pierce his cheek bone, while the scar on his arm looks like it came from a burn. Also, I don’t know if this was another typo but in the hospital a few weeks later? Did he spend several weeks not in the hospital after his injuries? Perhaps fix the sentence structure here to better make your point.

Lastly, the eight quiz question. There is no UK/Ireland in this world. They don’t exist. It would be the same as saying you want to go to Narnia, except no one knows what you’re talking about because no one has ever heard of Narnia. It’s rather silly.

To fix this, i would correct your typos, and change the grenade backstory to something else. There are a plethora of more reasonable accidents that can happen in the world and traumatize a child, from car crashes fires to collapsed buildings. I know that any of those things would give me PTSD and make me rethink serving in the military. Please make the changes, and we will review your CS again. :)

@Sorrelmyst

Kyra Valentina Review

Just a few things to ask about/point out. First, could you expand on her personality a little more? It’s a little confusing to read. There certainly is a lot of love in there! Maybe include some character flaws, and rework some of the sentences.

Next issue, I don’t know if I made this clear enough in the beginning, since it seems to have confused some other people too, but familiars don’t have magic. Or rather, they can’t use it. Familiars have an Ability, which draws on their own energy, and not the magic they hold in their soul. Maybe read a little more on mages and familiars in the opening OOC post to clarify? :)

Can you explain how she got to the academy? Why did she want to come? How did she get here? Was she a scholarship student, or did her parents scrape together the money to get her in? If she is a scholarship student, what was her motive for studying so hard to get into the academy? If you could include this in your history, that would be great.

Also, you have 10 points to spend in proficiency, intelligence, and athletics, but have spent any yet. You’re probably going to want to do that, to give us a better understanding of your character’s capabilities.

For fixing this character, I’d give her some flaws, clarify her personality, give her a reason and way she got to the academy, and spend your 10 points. Please make these changes, and we will review your CS again. :)

@Holy Grail

Elena Octavia Rhodes Review

A strong CS overall, it does raise one big question. In this world, Mages and Familiars are seen not only as equals, but necessary to each other to blossom. There is no animosity between them, and most don’t consider one above the other or vice versa. Therefore, the fact that her family sees them in this way, and takes it to the extent of separating the two families is not only counterintuitive, as powerful mages need familiars, but incredibly strange for this world. It would be the equivalent of saying people who are allergic to gluten are subservient to people who are not. This is a very silly concept, understandably, because gluten does not determine a person’s worth, personality, status, or power. It would be the same in this world. These strangely hostile attitudes towards familiars would be totally unreasonable to anyone in this world. In fact, it’s borderline insane an attitude, because 50% of the people in the world are familiars, and it’s completely random who is or isn’t one. I just simply can’t see the plausibility of an entire clan of mages seeing their Familiars as subservient, when that goes against the very nature of a sacramentum.

If you could fix this, we would be happy to review your CS again. :)

At this rate, the spot for the last familiar is a race in edits! *grabs popcorn and 3D glasses* Rooting for you all!

St. Fortuna's Academy for the Higher Arts

@13org We will review your CS in an hour or two, Errorist is in class and onenote finishing up work.

@Holy Grail Worry not, you can make a mage or familiar, and if another familiar/familiar applies before the IC is up, you can join the rest of the group in the IC!

St. Fortuna's Academy for the Higher Arts

Oh i forgot to ask, @Invader Len



I'm going to assume the heart tattoo is against school regulation and so it should just be noted that Talia doesn't have that tattoo?

@Redmarshmellow

You can keep the heart tattoo if you want, but put it somewhere else on her body. Facial tattoos are not allowed. As long as it's somewhere that can be covered up, that's fine. :)

St. Fortuna's Academy for the Higher Arts

@Raijinslayer To you and to any who may be interested, the Introduction to Monster Hunting class has been added in the Classes section of the first post! Check it out and see if it's for you!

St. Fortuna's Academy for the Higher Arts

@Ryik Nice, thank you for making the corrections. Our slots for mages are currently full, but I will put Kaison on a waiting list.

We still have one spot open for a familiar before we begin! Once that’s filled up, we GM’s can start making pairings!

St. Fortuna's Academy for the Higher Arts

@Holy Grail For the first 24, yes. However, you can still submit a CS, and you can join the RP once a familiar has been made and can be assigned to you. :)

@Invader Len

But its completely different from a military academy.
Since he is still their son, if he must go somewhere, at least be somewhere famous, so he wont stain the family name.

That's what I meant by hiding him away from the military world. It would be a shame for the family if their son went to a regular academy, and St. Fortuna is their last hope to try to knock some sense into him.

@13org

Still, it's a rather silly idea, since the children of many military elite attend St. Fortuna's. People would still see him. And considering the magical education he can get there, it's perhaps more prestigious than even the highest ranking military academy.

St. Fortuna's Academy for the Higher Arts

@TheHangedMan Congratulations! You’re accepted! Your magic type is Ice! An elemental power, you can utilize nearby water to form structures out of ice! You can also utilize this ice in combat or out of it! Chilling! Currently, you only know summon, so you can turn nearby water into ice, but not much else. With training and the help of a Familiar, however, you can create impressive constructs, use your ice in combat, and even freeze rivers! Be careful, however, as your ice still melts, and the hotter the temperature, the faster it melts!