Lemons

Lem's Stash

She twitched. Her eye. Her feet. Her fingers.

Something was screaming behind her eyes. Something was screaming at her screaming IN her to

run. Run. Run run Quinnlash runrun run runrun runrunrunrunrun rrunrurunrnurunrnurruquinnlashrunrUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRURNURNURNRUN

She could...barely make out what Daz was saying. Her eye twitched again. Her teeth chattered. Hard.

Elevator. Stay with. Daz. She nodded, head spinning. She tried to get up. She failed. Tried again. This time, she managed to crawl out of the boat, where she nearly climbed up Daz to stand.

Run run runrunrunquinnlashrunurnnnnn

She swayed, but stayed upright this time, mumbling out nearly incoherently, "Run Daz we need to run run run run we need to run right now run Quinnlash run run run run..."

She cut herself off. Breathe in. Breathe out. Close. Low. She shook her head. She felt like there was something inside of it. Something different. Something else. Shook it again. It cleared. Barely. But enough for her to stand on her own, and nod a twitching nod as her voice lost some of its feverish energy. "Stay close. Stay low."

Only then did her eye start to focus, her ears started to listen to the world again—runrunquinnlashrunurnnnnnyouneedtorunrunrun—and she saw what was happening on the boardwalk. She had to put forth soooo much focusss to keep her head straight run. It was already being bombarded from inside. Now all this too. She only just barely held back a scream.

She followed him as much as she could. She really did. She even made it a little way. But it wasn't long before she once again felt that screaming voice that was both her and inside of her and outside of her and not her and part of her and not screaming screaming RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN

She couldn't run. She couldn't. She needed to stay low, and stay close. But it was just so loud in her head. She fell behind, gasping like she'd run five marathons back to back. Besca. Besca was up there. She needed to...to...

She was falling.

She fell for a long time.

Into black.

Like ink.

Then she could see again. She was on her hands and knees. She tried to move. She couldn't. If she moved if she let herself move then the voice it was so strong it was filling her up it would take her and she would run and run and run and run and run and run and run and run—

The place where she had an eye once pulsed and pounded with pain. She let out a weak cry. She couldn't run she couldn't run she couldn't run SHE COULD NOT RUN.

So, every single muscle in her body clenched like nothing she'd ever felt, it hurt it hurt a lot—she scraped herself off the ground. She stayed as low as she could. And she took one. Step. After. Another.

Whatever happened. Whatever happened. Besca was waiting for her. Besca was up there and Daz was taking her to see her she would know how to fix this—

She cut off the runaway train of her thoughts with a supreme force of will. Whatever happened. She COULD. NOT. RUNRUNRUNRURNURNURNRURN— She couldn't runnnnnnnnnn. No matter. What.

Amygdala Circuit

She twitched. Her eye. Her feet. Her fingers.

Something was screaming behind her eyes. Something was screaming at her screaming IN her to

run. Run. Run run Quinnlash runrun run runrun runrunrunrunrun rrunrurunrnurunrnurruquinnlashrunrUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRURNURNURNRUN

She could...barely make out what Daz was saying. Her eye twitched again. Her teeth chattered. Hard.

Elevator. Stay with. Daz. She nodded, head spinning. She tried to get up. She failed. Tried again. This time, she managed to crawl out of the boat, where she nearly climbed up Daz to stand.

Run run runrunrunquinnlashrunurnnnnn

She swayed, but stayed upright this time, mumbling out nearly incoherently, "Run Daz we need to run run run run we need to run right now run Quinnlash run run run run..."

She cut herself off. Breathe in. Breathe out. Close. Low. She shook her head. She felt like there was something inside of it. Something different. Something else. Shook it again. It cleared. Barely. But enough for her to stand on her own, and nod a twitching nod as her voice lost some of its feverish energy. "Stay close. Stay low."

Only then did her eye start to focus, her ears started to listen to the world again—runrunquinnlashrunurnnnnnyouneedtorunrunrun—and she saw what was happening on the boardwalk. She had to put forth soooo much focusss to keep her head straight run. It was already being bombarded from inside. Now all this too. She only just barely held back a scream.

She followed him as much as she could. She really did. She even made it a little way. But it wasn't long before she once again felt that screaming voice that was both her and inside of her and outside of her and not her and part of her and not screaming screaming RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN

She couldn't run. She couldn't. She needed to stay low, and stay close. But it was just so loud in her head. She fell behind, gasping like she'd run five marathons back to back. Besca. Besca was up there. She needed to...to...

She was falling.

She fell for a long time.

Into black.

Like ink.

Then she could see again. She was on her hands and knees. She tried to move. She couldn't. If she moved if she let herself move then the voice it was so strong it was filling her up it would take her and she would run and run and run and run and run and run and run and run—

The place where she had an eye once pulsed and pounded with pain. She let out a weak cry. She couldn't run she couldn't run she couldn't run SHE COULD NOT RUN.

So, every single muscle in her body clenched like nothing she'd ever felt, it hurt it hurt a lot—she scraped herself off the ground. She stayed as low as she could. And she took one. Step. After. Another.

Whatever happened. Whatever happened. Besca was waiting for her. Besca was up there and Daz was taking her to see her she would know how to fix this—

She cut off the runaway train of her thoughts with a supreme force of will. Whatever happened. She COULD. NOT. RUNRUNRUNRURNURNURNRURN— She couldn't runnnnnnnnnn. No matter. What.

Amygdala Circuit

Quinn's mouth worked soundlessly for a moment before she found her voice, still queasy, still doing her best not to hurl. She stared at Daz, blinking owlishly.

"Is it...really that weird?"

But from what she'd seen in town—little kids getting under people's feet, the crush of the crowd, the strange looks from Besca and Deelie and Safie at the things she said sometimes—she already knew the answer to that question. She averted her eye from Daz's huge, gentle form, closing it and still concentrating on her stomach.

"...Mom and Dad said I shouldn't." Even as she said it, she felt silly, like it was the wrong answer. She clenched her eye tighter. No. NO. She was—

She remembered what Besca said. Deep breaths. Deep breath in, deep breath out. Calm down. Her voice was still in that barest, quavering whisper, but she could at least...she could at least talk. "They said it was dangerous and going out would hurt me." She reached a trembling hand up to gently cover over her eyepatch. "Make me sick. That's how I lost my eye. I went into the living room and looked outside, and then it burst and they had to take it out. Then they stuck me with all kind of needles and drew blood out of me. I think they were punishing me."

She opened her eye, looked at Daz, and hiccupped, halfway between a burgeoning sob and her stomach's twisting. "So I didn't leave after that. Not until today."

She opened her mouth to say something else—maybe about how they left her door open, so she could get out for a day—but as soon as she did, she knew she wouldn't be able to finish. She sucked in one more shuddering breath, then threw her head over the railing. Her stomach gave one more clench. Then before she knew it, a tide of horrible acid-tasting muck streamed forth from her. She closed her eye again. She didn't want to see it. As she hung her head over the side and heaved, it went into her nose, and she felt tears starting to well up as acid burned up there too.

It stopped, and she panted, trying to catch her breath, before it came again. And it just kept coming.

Minutes later, it finally stopped. Her whole body was shaking as she did her best to blow the vile stuff out of her nose, spat whatever was left of it in her mouth into the water too, and slumped back down on the bench before she finally opened her now tear-stained eye. She fumbled on the bench until she found the water bottle. Even if she'd wanted to, she couldn't help but listen to Daz. Little sips were all that felt like they would settle.

Finally, her ragged voice came again. Torn up by acid and bile, but a little louder, a little stronger. She reached out her arms, wrapping them around Daz's own huge one. "Don't tell Deelie or Safie." Then, more quietly again, "Please."

Amygdala Circuit

Quinn felt a lot of things right now.

But she mostly just felt numb.

Safie departed, leaping and bounding like a cat into the nighttime crowds.

Then Dahlia came over to her, stumbling over her words just like Quinn did before she took out a pen and wrote phone numbers on her hand. One for her, and one for Safie. Quinn just stared at the numbers as she left too. She'd never be able to call them, but she still wanted to keep them. She didn't get it.

Then Daz spoke up. And just like Dahlia had said, he was going to let her stay with her. They could go into town, or go back out on the water, or—

"Uhmm," she said, sitting down again with a thump, staring blankly off into the distance where she saw the two Saviors headed. "I think I...do you mind...can we just sit here?" Her voice sounded almost hollow, vacant, like her body was talking but she wasn't really behind the wheel anymore.

The giants were barely visible through the gloom now. Safie was going to be joining them. Was Deelie going too? What had they come here to do? Something big and important, she thought. Saviors fought something, she knew that, but whenever she'd tried to look it up at home, she'd come up empty and didn't know why.

At the thought of home—and Daz's mention of it earlier—the spell on her was suddenly broken. She let her head loll forward, and her voice dropped to a choked whisper, almost inaudible over the commotion. "I just want to sit here. I don't feel so good." Indeed, her stomach was doing the thing again, but worse this time. It felt like something was hissing and bubbling and evaporating inside her. Like something was being burned and eaten away.

It still didn't hurt, not really. But it made her feel sick. She'd only thrown up once, when she was only eleven and had snuck out of her room. It didn't feel anything like this. It had really, really hurt. But she thought she might do it again anyway.

She looked back down at her hand. The numbers were still there. She still didn't have a phone. She didn't know how long it would be until her parents would be home, but once they did, they'd take the numbers away, she knew it. She dropped her head down between her knees, staring at the wooden decking. She knew they would be okay. Safie was so sure, and Deelie—well, she'd sounded less sure, but still sure.

So why did she still feel like something terrible was about to happen?

"I think I might be sick."

Amygdala Circuit

It all happened so fast.

Right as she was about to clamber up next to Safie, a smile on her face still as she almost vibrated with excitement for the fireworks, she heard Daz hiss. Something flopped next to her feet, and she looked down.

As a puddle of blood began to touch her bare toes from the horribly mangled fish, she shrank away with a horrified squeak. She'd hated watching the hooks pulled out of the fish's mouths, but even she could tell this wasn't normal. There was a little bit of blood with the hooks, but it wasn't right to catch a fish full of knives, and it wasn't right for there to be this much.

She had barely pulled away with a frantic "Ohgodohgodohgodohgod—" when she was met with the ever-growing noise. Just a hum at first, but it grew, and grew, and grew, until it was almost loud enough to hurt her ears. So distracted was she with the sound that she jumped when the urgent, insistent beeping started from two points behind her. From Dahlia and Safie. And she was filled with a growing feeling of unease when Safie—whom she already thought of as bright and shiny as one of the stars in the sky—started talking very different than she had before.

“Shore.”
“Shore! We gotta get back to shore!”

The boat immediately roared back to life, surging towards Hovvi far faster than it had gone out. She sat on the deck, pressed up against the bench as wind grappled at her skin and she was and transfixed by that unsettled feeling. The girls' faces were nothing like they'd been until now.

Grim? Worried? Harried? She didn't know exactly what to call it, but whatever it was, it metamorphosed that disquiet into a nameless, faceless terror that dug its claws into her and felt like it might choke her as easily as the panic had, back in the community center.

"S—Safie...?" she ventured, small voice tremulous and filled with fear, "Wh—what's happening?"

The electric scream grew louder.

The boat smelled like blood.

She felt sick again.

Amygdala Circuit

A sigh of relief whooshed out of Quinn. Deelie wasn't upset with her after all. She shook away the memory, biting the inside of her cheek. Why had that come up?

She didn't really get what the girls were talking about most of the time—or, well, she knew the concepts, but not very much how they all fit together—but she thought she'd gotten enough of a gist to kind of know what was going on as she reached out and grabbed the juice pouch, fumbling with the straw until she could poke it through the top, just like she'd seen online.

If she thought the water was sweet, then this was...something else entirely. A different sweet from the cookies, too. It tasted a little bit like the fruit that her parents would sometimes bring her for a special treat, but not quite the same. Sweeter, fresher...could you call a drink crispy? She didn't know, but if you could, then that's what this was. It was crispy. Sweet and fresh and crispy and delicious. She'd never finished a drink so fast, squeezing the pouch because she just couldn't get it in her mouth fast enough. And before she knew it, she'd sucked the whole thing dry. “Oh my gosh! Dah—"

She paused, giving her a renewed smile. She was smiling so much today, it felt strange. But good! “—Deelie, that was so good! I've never tasted anything like it!”

They were talking about things she didn't know about again—what was a sim camp?—when Safie got up from beside her, picking up a long stick—oh, that was a fishing rod, right? Besca had mentioned fishing too, hadn't she? “Hey Quinn! You wanna try fishing? It’s super easy. You just reel back, and then when you flick forward you press this lil’ button here to release the line.”

She got up as well, careful to stay away from the gap in the railings where she and Safie had been sitting a moment ago, and took the fishing rod carefully, looking at it with an inquisitive eye. She'd seen videos of people fishing, but never up close. She swallowed. So all she needed to do to cast was reel up the string, then flick it and press the button? That didn't sound so hard. So, with an unsteady hand and a grip that was all wrong, she slowly reeled it in until the bobber was right by the tip. Now I just—

She whipped it back, then forward, and pressed on the button.

The lure soared forward and almost out of sight, falling into the water after its brief flight with a satisfying plopping sound. She looked back and forth at the other rods propped up against the railing, putting hers with them, then turned back at Safie, face positively alight, before she darted over—she was finding her balance a little better, she thought—and took hold of the bottle of water again, sipping it with unrepentant joy and triumph. It was getting a little harder to see, and she couldn't quite tell how far away she was from the others, and she looked around with open and blatant wonderment. So this was what it was like to be outside at twilight. Right then and there, she decided:

Twilight was definitely her favorite.

Amygdala Circuit

"No, no, you aren't being rude at all!"

She turned her eye from the seemingly-endless expanse of water that soaked in the dimming light all around her, and nestled down on the bench again, fully engaging with Dahlia.

"I've lived here my whole life, mhmm! I just never left my room, so you wouldn't have seen me." She trained her eye heavenward, marveling as stars started to speckle the darkening sky. "You're pilot Dahlia, right? I used to watch you online now and then. I didn't know that you lived here, It really is nice to meet you!" She looked over to the end of the boat where Safie was dawdling her feet in the water. Oh. that did look nice.

She popped her own shoes and socks off, then slowly slid down next to her, letting her feet join the older girl's. She breathed a soft sigh. It really was comfy. She pulled her braid over her shoulder and then fell flat on her back, still enjoying the sky. Pictures really couldn't do it justice. And she didn't want to slip into the water.

"You said you were a pilot too, right Safie? Is Besca one also?"

Another moment passed as the heavens wheeled above her. She reached a hand up from where it lay beside her, absently stroking her hair. "She's the nicest. I'm really glad I finally went outside today." She remembered her doubt looking at the slightly ajar door to her room. What had she been so afraid of? This was so much fun, it felt ridiculous looking back. Her stomach was even starting to feel better.

Oh, that reminded her, there was another thing that she wanted to do during her limited time outside. She tilted her head back, bending herself into an arch, until she could see Dahlia. "Dahlia—can I call you Deelie?—could I try the melonberry juice? I've never had it and it sounds delicious!"

I'm sorry, Quinny, but you can't have it. Please stop asking.

"Not that I want to take it if it's yours!" she added in rapid time, the faintest echo of panic creeping back into her voice as the sunny smile blinked out and she fell to her back again. "I don't want to take your things!"

Have some water instead. How's that sound, sweetie?

Amygdala Circuit

As the shore receded and Besca with it, Quinn hummed with worry before throwing it from her mind. Besca was smart and strong. Whatever was happening, she'd be fine. She could handle anything that came at her, Quinn already knew with absolute conviction.

So instead of worrying more, she leaned a little further into Safie, looking at out the lake as the silver glint of the moon started to flicker over the surface. She tipped back, secure in the arm around her shoulder, and let her own skate over the water.

"It's so pretty out here," she murmured, voice taking on a dreamy quality. "I can't even believe it." She let her gaze wander up to the cliffs, then pointed to a fading white shadow. "Oh, you can see my house from here!" She stared at it a moment more, then let her hand drop as a cold shiver passed through her body. She wasn't sure why.

Oh, she'd left the cup of clear water back on the dock. Aww. But...there was water in the cooler too, right?

Shaking herself free of both the sight of the lake splayed out before her and Safie's arm, she stood up. She was wobbly for sure, but she managed to balance enough to slide down to the cooler and pull out a bottle of water, examining it.

It was clear as a diamond.

She stumbled again as she picked her way back to Safie's side, threading the top off as she sat. The water brimmed, almost overflowing, just in front of her. She was still thirsty from those cookie things, as tasty as they were. She glanced at Dahlia. She didn't see anything off, it looked like. She looked down at the bottle again, then shrugged a little bit. Just a little sip wouldn't hurt, right? She slowly brought it to her mouth and took a taste

"Eep!"

She nearly dropped the bottle, then covered her mouth and focused hard on it. It was...

It was sweet.

There was a bitterness she was used to in water that wasn't present here. It might have tasted like nothing, but to her, it tasted like...she searched for something to compare it to. It tasted like...that first step she took out of her house. That was it. Absolutely beautiful. Her eye darted between the two girls and the smile already on her face bloomed with untarnished happiness. She leaned back against Safie, taking another drink as she did. It was just as wonderful as the first. Okay. Clear water was nice.

"Does water always taste like this?"

Amygdala Circuit

Quinn cocked her head as she started walking again, her eye straying for just a second back to the cup in her hand.

That was how water was supposed to look?

That couldn't be right. Right? Every drop she'd ever drunk had always had a dark tint. Nothing major, but it had always been there. She'd seen water that looked kind of clear online before, but she always thought that it was just far away or indistinct so she couldn't see it clearly. And as much as she resolved to not look at it, she couldn't help it as they walked along. This was weird. Maybe it was just normal to Besca? She wondered if it would be strange to ask her friends.

The people they passed were staring at her. That gave her pause too. Was she so weird looking? Maybe it was the eyepatch, or the hair? Or maybe they could tell that she wasn't supposed to be out here. Or maybe not. Maybe she was just that weird looking. So she looked out at them and gave as bright a smile as she could muster.

Before she could really refocus her attention, she heard a voice call out from up ahead: "Besca!"

She snapped her focus back forward and saw a pair of girls running at them. Or, one girl and one woman? One of them looked like a grown-up for sure. Something about the shorter one looked very familiar, but she couldn't quite place—

She looked up at Besca as she accelerated. She was friends with Dahlia—um...Saint something?

"Cool," she breathed.

Besca and Dahlia talked for a bit, before she was motioned forward, laughing at Besca's introduction and waving with the hand that wasn't still holding the water. "Hi! I'm Quinn! Nice to meet you too, Dahlia! And you too, Safie!"

They were just as nice as Besca.

She really liked the taller one with the purple eyes, too. Safie, right? She stroked her braid proudly and made to respond before Besca stepped in. She was put out a little, but that faded quickly as Besca turned back to her, asking if she still wanted to go on the boat. Um, hello? Was that even a question?

She smiled hugely. "Are you kidding? This is the best thing ever! And," she turned to Safie as she started moving, "I love your hair too! It looks so good with your eyes!"

With that said, she trotted down to the side of the boat as it bobbed on the water, rolling her head with a satisfied sigh. So she just stepped down? It looked hard, and she really didn't want to spill the clear water. So she placed it gently down by the end of the dock, hopped off, and...

"Oof!"

...Ungracefully faceplanted into the bench on the other side as the boat rocked under her. It was as hard as it looked.

Her head popped up. Then she righted herself on the bench she'd collided with, almost tipped over again, and laughed the whole way through. The way the boat moved under her was really fun. It was like—well, she didn't really have an experience to liken it to. But it was really fun!

Being outside was great.

Amygdala Circuit

Happy to follow Besca (who seemed like she knew where she was actually going), Quinn tailed her down through the streets, panic falling behind as she craned her head around. There was just so much to take in. The sun was going down over the lake, and the whole sky was starting to flame with brilliant reds and oranges. Quinn stared openmouthed. It was just so beautiful.

She'd seen pictures and videos of sunsets before, obviously. But that was evidently no substitute for the real thing. The puffball clouds overhead had changed from white to a pretty dark gray—she pulled her braid out from behind her for just a second, comparing the color intently—limned with fire. She almost forgot where she was going before she almost bumped into Besca, as she turned onto a side street.

It was evident where Besca had been heading, as she stopped by one of those food stalls that lined the road, paying with a fancy credit card like she'd seen online. As she spoke—Quinn didn't really get what she was saying—she handed Quinn a little paper basket filled with round brown food. They looked kind of like pancakes, but...thick. Whatever it was, she seemed to be enjoying them. So, mimicking her, Quinn picked one up, turned it around to look at it, then crunched down.

It was like nothing she'd ever tasted. So sweet! So tasty! She couldn't imagine anything in the world being so delicious. Before she could really process what was happening, she'd chomped down a few more, disregarding the drink for a time. She didn't want to wash down the flavor quite yet!

When she started really paying attention again, they'd passed the stage where the music had been playing earlier, and the crowd was smaller. She took a deep breath. The people were nice, but it was also good to have room to think. As Besca asked her about water—ah, if she liked being out on boats! She wished she could say she had—she turned her attention to the drink. As much as she loved those cookies, they were kind of gumming up her mouth and it felt weird.

She looked down curiously, then scrunched her brows together. “Um, Besca?” She swirled the water around, quirking her mouth to the side. “Is there something wrong with this water?”

She flicked the side of the cup, then looked down at it again. “It's so clear.”