Lith — Roleplayer Guild

Jonexander Johnsmith

"I need to see a chiropractor. Just as soon as I figure out who it is that's appropriate to bill. I'm a state employee. Quite fortunate for you, I'm not entirely sure what state this is. But not for long."

Jonexander is quite the enigma to describe in appearance. Oh there are consistent elements, that's true. A suit. A hat. Glasses. Facial hair. Male, masculine, tall. Yet when reported by local shop keeps for suspicious behavior back home, the details of his appearance began to immediately conflict. If they were all telling the truth, one would have to believe this man changes his wardrobe upwards of seventy times a day. You would have to also acknowledge his glasses which are sometimes sunglasses, his hat, a badge with no known authority affiliation, and even the definition of his muscle mass would all change constantly. This is of course, insane. And just could not be true. Some people just have unassuming descriptions. "Blending into the crowd," you might say.

Age: 38 years old, although he has claimed to be 50 and 25 on numerous occasions. 

Gender: Male.

Occupation: He claims himself a professional detective, as opposed to an amateur one. Rarely does one ask him this as much as he eagerly volunteers the information, usually flashing a badge or showing off his hat. This is good, as he prides himself in investigating secrets and busting "crooks;" thus if he was not a detective, he'd be a madman. Which is improbable given the badge he possesses. 

Abilities:Ace in the Hole :: Jonexander's accuracy with firearms or really any ranged weapon is uncanny. At least, he claims so, and he does appear to be armed. Specifically, this here refers to the feat of managing to fire multiple bullets from different angles into the same initial spot the first bullet struck. He has also allegedly used this feat in breaking durable surfaces by repeatedly shooting an initially halted bullet. You may object to this but it's something he's stated he does. 

Skills:
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Peerless Detective Skills: His deductions, says Jonexander, are without equal. Putting all fictional detectives from the various mystery novels to abject shame.

Physical Prowess: Fast durable and rather strong, it's no wonder he's able to put a perp in cuffs. Well, except when he was walking around with a cane. But nobody can really confirm nor deny that happened so it's a dubious blemish in an otherwise allegedly fantastic physical acumen, you can't deny that.

Personality: Polite and friendly to a fault, other than when people describe him as being seductive and aggressively flirtatious. He's also a bit of a drunk but let's ignore that since he's taken a vow of abstinence. One could say he's something of a contradiction made manifest in human flesh but then that does him a disservice since he's a straight shooter. 

Biography: There was never a past. There was never a before. There is only a present. Soon this present will also disappear. Soon this chapter will be erased. And the next page will be brought in front of your eyes which will scan it fervently for detail to try and make sense of what has happened, to desperately establish some kind of context so any of this has meaning. But what has, can never be again. Only now. Only right this instant can exist. The future too is ephemeral, fragile, easy to reach out and rip from the spiJonexander is an upstanding member of the force, though he never seems to entertain giving detail on which department he works for from beyond the multiversal expanse. He's here on routine business. Here to check up on a fella that's on probation, grab himself a room, catch a bite to eat and enjoy his time assigned to the boonies. 

What a nice man. 

Likes: Mysteries. Deductions. Problem and crime solving. 

Dislikes:DOORS.

Fears: Multiple doors.

Weaknesses: Being tailed. That is to say, being followed or stalked. To avoid this predicament, he will stubbornly do what it takes to avoid ever being followed -- however long this may entail.

Other:
Always carries a Smith & Wesson Model 19 with an appropriate holster, although sometimes the revolver's inside his jacket or suit. Never feels burdensome to carry when hot on the tracks of some punk, but it sure gets the job done when in a pinch. Six shots. But he only needs one shot. Probably. If he needs more than that, that's not good. 

Theme Song:
Black Abomination Spawn
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