Member
Guardian Angel Haruki
Varshanka
Carlyle
Vertigo
mattmanganon
Snowdrops
rush99999
ColdAtlas
Fading Memory
Cao the ExiledTulious Vermininas by Lurking Krog*He would actually be a Nord; Elder Scrolls races follow matriarchal lines, which makes sense when you consider it’s the mother the baby grows up in. - Dervs
*His appearance section is kind of lacking; it covers the basics but I can’t get a good idea what Tulious looks like - Dervs
*Agreeing with Dervs on the appearance part, it’s very scant, and there is much you can expand on. Appearance isn’t just limited to skin color, eye color, hair color, and height/weight. You mentioned some scars, for example, but didn’t say where? You could describe his eyebrows, and his voice, or gait. Are his hands large and knobby, or strangely small? These are just ideas, but definitely expand on the appearance section. - Foxey
*A lot of the family-specific history isn’t really necessary for the character sheet since it pertains to stuff prior to Tulious being born and doesn’t really have much of a bearing on his as a character past both of his parents having been Legionnaires and passing the skills off to him; that can be justified as the skills come up rather than acting as a preface for his family’s origins. -Dervs
*The only training before he enlisted was some basics in marksmanship then Tulious (also, why not Tullius like the General?) he spent his teenage years wandering into ruins, dodging death from wildlife, monsters and bandits for kicks? Did his parents know, was he trained how to fight? Was he given equipment to fight with? This seems incredibly risky and stupid for someone who never received training or had a mentor to be doing because all those things mentioned would have no issue overpowering and killing/ consuming an unprepared teenager. Just because a kid learned how to shoot a rifle from his ex-soldier dad doesn’t mean he’s ready to go into combat himself before he’s been trained, for instance. - Dervs
*Schaft - Adding to that, why not just let him be a rambunctious youth? It’s more believable of a thing for kids to get into fights where a bloody nose would decide the victor rather than watching the life slowly leave their eyes as you choke them to death in a visceral struggle on the blade’s edge of life and death.
*Also, for that side comment about the name, Imperial names either follow Italian or Latin roots. Tullious sounds like a french bastardization of a Latin name. Just as well Vermininas sounds more Baltic in origin with the -as suffix. Farkas and his brother Vilkas got away with it because Nord for some reason, but Latin names were mostly ended with -us. -Schaft
*What made Rolgin want to be a gladiator? There’s a huge risk of being killed involved, and I don’t think anyone’s naive to that fact. While I can certainly understand shock and sorrow at losing his brother, Tulious had to have known it was something that was likely to happen and that the crowd would have been cheering for it; hell, Tulious would probably have been cheering for the high elf’s death.
The timing seems a bit weird for him to have had time to visit his brother after enlisting, while granted I don’t think he’d be immediately sent to training the day after signing his paperwork (he’d probably be given a date to get his affairs in order), it does seem weird that this was after he enlisted. Why not before hand, when he knew he’d have time? I’m also pretty sure Chorrol has a recruitment office, so what prompted the trip out to the Imperial City, just his brother’s fight? - Dervs
*When Tulious was ambushed, how was he able to draw his bow back after having an arrow in the shoulder? That seems like it would be both agonizing and really fuck up the muscles and ligaments required to do such a thing. You might want to change the location to something less mandatory for operating something like a bow. - Dervs
*There wasn’t really a mention of his old bow being ebony, but that’s passable since it was passed on, however there’s now way it could be repaired because if it was as fractured as it was described, there’s no way to reassemble it that would have it able to withstand the stress and flex that is inherent to being a bow. It’s kind of like how you can’t unsnap a stick. - Dervs
*Other than that, everything looks pretty great! I really enjoy how he’s a heavy armour archer and how it breaks the mold of sneaky murder archer that tends to be the norm. He has a pretty interesting story in parts, and I was fully expecting Cinnea to have been murdered in the last paragraph there, but I was pleasantly surprised when she wasn’t! Her expecting a child and them needing extra cash is something that’s very relatable and pleasantly normal for a life struggle, so his desire to be a part of the expedition is very well founded. I’d prefer his younger years to be a bit fleshed out, especially if you still want to go with his happy death defying pre-enlistment years. There’s definitely improvements to be had, but it’s definitely a solid start! - Dervs
Thank you for the review and I will adjust the sheet accordingly.