████████ PERSONAL DETAILS ████████
█ AGE 23 █ GENDER Female █ SEXUALITY Misanthropic Bisexual █ OCCUPATION Musician / Clerk █ QUALIFICATIONS N/A █ RESIDENCE Portland, Maine
████████ PHYSICAL DETAILS ████████
█ SCARS N/A █ TATTOOS 1 (arms), 2 (back) █ PIERCINGS N/A █ MARKINGS N/A █ HEIGHT 5’4” █ BUILD Endomorph (est. 110-120 lbs)
██████████ MISC NOTES ██████████
▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔ | There is one word that can describe Carol Jane Markowitz’s time at Ritman High: adequate.
In elementary school, CJ had been an academic standout. A Student. Spelling Bee champion. Accolades for her time in elementary-level choir and band classes. By high school, that was all gone. Due to a myriad of home life issues over the years the Markowitz girl had transformed into a middling C Student who had no drive or interest to do anything about it—and fuck you if you tried to motivate her to change that.
Unsurprisingly, CJ’s ‘clique’ was that of the outsider, the misfits, the people who didn’t fit in with anybody else. By all appearances, CJ found herself content being among those who didn’t exactly fit in with those who were academically excellent or popular by way of other means; people who were easy targets for her mean-spirited jokes and taunts, people who were easy vehicles for her angst to latch onto and antagonize. If they choose to act tough, well, CJ was never afraid of a fight. Between this kind of devil-may-care attitude and her own irreverent disregard for anything it led to more than a few visits in detention. In fact, it almost became a second home for her.
Somehow CJ’s disregard for authority, society, and people in general didn’t work entirely as a repellent for people being interested in her. But being a magnet for trouble also often meant that other troubled teens would be drawn in. Whether it was at school or roaming around Delton looking for something to do, it did always seem that CJ was somewhere to be found, trying to actively avoid dealing with the world around her. Sometimes there was someone else who was dealing with the same despondent angst by her side. CJ didn’t realize it at the time, but it made her feel a little less broken–a little bit closer to being not content, but happy. But much like high school… such things are fleeting and temporary.
Granted, her high school life was far more positive than her home life.
Whenever things started trending in the positive direction, the world was keen to remind CJ that she was less than nothing in the eyes of god. Throughout her teen years she had reckoned with abuse and neglect with her essentially having to figure things out by herself without any substantial support from her mother, Samantha. If it wasn’t her mother’s awful drug addiction and terrible public image, it was the slew of physically and emotionally abusive men she found herself living with–and more often than not such abuse was vicariously directed at CJ herself.
Due to this, one could say that CJ formed a personality based on finding an outlet for all of her negative emotions. The rage, the fear, the shame–all aspects of her wanting to transfer all of the discontent she felt upon not only the people around her but also the world that allowed it to happen. Through this CJ aspired to find any sort of power she could hold onto, for however long it was allowed to be in her hands. Without academic excellence (or the drive to put effort in like she had in grade school) all she had was getting reactions from people. Eventually she grew to like it, because at the very least, the reaction was something she could control. The world had tried to beat her down since her dad loaded a bullet into his throat when she was eleven-years-old. It wouldn’t win. She wouldn’t let it.
By the time she’d graduate and aspire to leave Delton, she had forged a reputation for being a “problem”. Rude, sarcastic, overly nihilistic and cynical, irreverent, bold, headstrong, assertive. One of the kids that’d sit in the corner of the cafeteria, branded as a bitch or worse. A constant fixture in school detention. She’d never open up or admit she was too weak to protect herself at home–that she’d only go home when she had to. That fear of weakness, or being perceived as such, would drive her to be immensely private. She hated her mom for a lot of asinine, angsty teenaged reasons, but she’d never out her. At the end of the day, mom was still mom. She stuck with her, so she deserved to retain her dignity as far as CJ was concerned.
This made meaningful relationships of any kind with CJ difficult for a garden variety of people. It has not improved in the last five years by much and in some regards isolating herself from people she once cared about might have done more damage than anything else. As the guitarist and vocalist for a Portland-based Post-Hardcore group she finally has the agency she wants, but something inside her feels empty, craving for more. She hasn’t found a way to satisfy it. ▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔ |