Octo

Epithet Erased: Use Your Words

"That's Hellmouth," Jessica answered Jude, indicating Haywood, "and he's SUPER COOL. We're both pretty experienced at evil stuff like LOITERING and NAME-CALLING. I'm pretty sure the skills transfer to WILDERNESS SURVIVAL."

Now that Jessica thought about it, her ability wasn't entirely useless in this context. It would be just like her video games, with CRAFTING MECHANICS. She looked around at everyone, and thought for the first time in her life that maybe she was needed by someone.

Or at least her epithet was. But that was fine too.

She drifted somewhere between gloom and joy, and then settled swiftly on joy when Penny kicked that asshole from earlier. Jessica snickered.

"SHIT, Eyeb- ah... Penny. That was ice cold! I could use someone with a sense of PETTY VENGEANCE like that," said Jessica, nodding, "keep up the EVIL WORK and I MAY just invite you to join my SECRET CLUB."

There was a wide grin on Jessica's face, but for once it wasn't particularly evil. She just happened to look like a happy little delinquent.

"Well, we should fan out a little to cover the most ground, but stay close enough in case we get into trouble. I'm sure if we all COLLECT STUFF on our way, we'll come back with enough for shelter and dinner."

Epithet Erased: Use Your Words

Jessica nodded at Jude as she started straightening her hair, carefully shaking out any sand that had taken up occupancy in her LONG, GOLDEN LOCKS. This wasn't Scooby Doo. This was real life, with WILD ANIMALS and INSURANCE SALESMEN. It wouldn't be safe to go alone, even though Jessica was totally a cool lone wolf.

"It's probably best we stick together, though I'm NOT HERE to MAKE FRIENDS," she said, making sure no one would want to be her friend because she DIDN'T NEED ANY. Except maybe Haywood, because he was a COOL BLASTER.

"Anyways, I think Eyebrows said that her WEIRD LITTLE MEN could make a shelter. If they can do that unsupervised, then the King of Knights here can join us on our quest for the Grail. Sans Mordred, I guess. You need to make him cooler."

She looked from Penny to Haywood, sighing in relief as the healing really began to take effect.

"I can get us drinkable water just fine. Cross it off the list. We should find those kids ASAP, though, and look for food while we're at it."

Jessica grinned her EVIL shark grin.

"If we get to those kids first... think how thankful that OLD HAG will be. GAHAHA! She'll probably THROW MONEY AT US while CRYING and KISSING MY FEET and APOLOGIZING for being a DICK earlier."

Epithet Erased: Use Your Words

As Jessica was blinded once again while Jude hurtled towards the enemy, she couldn't help but think (while cursing VERY LOUDLY) that her first real fight didn't go exactly to plan. Jessica stumbled as the bling flared up, face-planted in the sand, and began whimpering like a puppy again. Her two pairs of glasses fell off just in time to see that old teacher lady ram into Lou like a truck (or a train?) and send the man hurtling to the ground.

Some guy she'd never seen told them they did a good job, which made that sentiment from a complete stranger one more time than she'd ever gotten from her actual parents, and she gave him a half-hearted thumbs up.

"He was a BITCH," Jessica added intelligently.

She took a couple more seconds on the ground before getting up, dusting off, and hanging her pairs of glasses from the collar of her track suit. She could finally see Gawain, who looked just as punchable as she had first imagined, and cringed.

"Could you get Mordred next time? He's WAY COOLER and SUPER EVIL, and if you watch a lot of anime, probably a woman," Jessica suggested sagely, because as everyone knew, evil was not only cooler... but STRONGER and LESS OBNOXIOUS.

Jessica then began removing all of Lou's bling, which would not only disarm him just in case, but probably give her some SWEET BLASTER CRED. She tossed the necklace, which was already on the ground, to Haywood.

"You alright, Hellmouth? You earned it," she said, beckoning the man who claimed to have a healing epithet over, "hey, doc, I got a headache to beat the band. But check on Hellmouth and them first. They were closer to the guy and didn't have glasses."

Epithet Erased: Use Your Words

Jessica couldn't see shit except for the annoying light of Lou's cheap-ass jewelry, but she was able to HEAR the distinct sound of pocket sand. Already memorized the handbook... Hellmouth was a heck of a Blaster alright. Lou's shouting and the violent splash that followed, however, were more concerning. Did that asshole hurt Haywood?

"Hey, SHITHEAD! Nobody screws with MAD DOG'S crew!" Jessica shouted blindly into the light.

Just as Jessica was getting ready to KICK SOME ASS, the multiple glows faded and condensed into one singular brightness that shone like a nova. A nova that hurtled right towards her!

If Jessica hadn't been wearing two layers of glasses that acted like eclipse shades, she might have zonked out quick. Even with the glasses, the brightness was too much. She didn't have long. The distinct clink of metal hitting metal gave it away, though: her magnet had managed to attract whatever object he had put all of his epithet into.

Acting quickly, Jessica jammed the rod into the sand! It was still glowing underneath, but Jessica had one advantage over most epithet users that might be able to put this matter to bed...

She wasn't a showboating asshole with her epithet, and Lou had no idea what she could do.

Jessica slammed her foot into the sand, and used her epithet to combine that pressure with the sand surrounding the rod, creating a small area of DENSELY-PACKED SAND that the light could no longer get through.

Jessica massaged her forehead, stumbling, trying to assuage the massive headache that all the immensely bright light had caused, but something was still grating... Jessica could feel something IMMENSELY ANNOYING on the horizon...

The most gratingly over-acted Saturday morning cartoon hero voice she had ever heard started screaming about villainy and knighthood. It would have been annoying even if Jessica WASN'T evil, but as an evildoer herself, she couldn't help but find Gawain's words vaguely offensive. She couldn't even SEE the guy, but she knew somehow that his face was INCREDIBLY SMACKABLE. She rubbed her forehead harder and growled.

"Eyebrows, light neutralized! End it quick, and tell that Gawain asshole to shut up because I hate him!"

Jessica had already seen how Penny withdrew her sword. That, combined with Gawain, made it obvious that whatever her epithet was it was a reference to Arthurian legend. If she had to guess, it was probably 'King' because that's how Penny was referred to despite her gender. How an epithet could be so cool but at the same time so annoying Jessica had no idea, but couldn't she have gotten someone less... extra?

"Jude, right?" Jessica asked, turning in the direction the emo-lookin' kid was probably in, "Eyebrows said you duplicate shit. Could you copy my electromagnet? I think that Hawaiian shirt ASSHOLE needs bling for his ability, and it's CHEAP GARBO. Get close enough, and you can completely disarm him! Just don't nab the sword."

Epithet Erased: Use Your Words

For some reason, the other two weren't congratulating Jessica and telling her how cool it was that she told that guy off. In fact, they didn't seem particularly happy at all! She could have sworn that they thought Lou was a douche too, so where was the ADULATION? Well, whatever. They could thank her and tell her she was cool later- SHIT!

"GODDAMMIT SHIT," Jessica cried out, reeling at Lou's ridiculously shiny display. Was it some sort of genetic thing that inscribed were ATTENTION-SEEKING ASSHOLES? At least Jessica wasn't like that at all. She was COOL. Jessica fumbled with her sunglasses, putting them back on and covering up her pretty baby blues.

The glow was less infuriating, but she still couldn't look away from this guy. Could he choose who was affected? Probably not. If it was the light that attracted the gaze, and everyone could see his bling, then it was probably an indiscriminate radius that lost power after so many feet.

Probably.

"Whoa, this ability is crappier than mine. I can't even think of a NON-INFURIATING practical use for this thing."

Jessica flipped her magnet off and edged towards Penny and Jude's talking. They were in the same place for the time being, and peripheral vision would do the rest. Jessica casually handed Penny her sword.

"Hey, Eyebrows. Kick his ass," said Jessica, taking a pair of CRAPPY GLASSES from Jude. She put those glasses on over her sunglasses, and thanks to the eclipse-like properties of Lou's ability, she could actually still kinda see him. It was barely irritating at all!

"HA, how do you like THAT? DOUBLE-GLASSES," Jessica smugged, turning to where she saw Haywood last.

"Yo, HELLMOUTH! This shit's annoyin', so use SECRET TECHNIQUE NUMBER THREE!"

Haywood was right next to Lou, so he had the best shot at the guy. It would be unwise to call out the actual attack, because then it would be easily dodged. Instead, she used the number in the SUPER SECRET BLASTER HANDBOOK.

And that most secret of techniques, a closely-guarded Blaster special attack, was the legendary...

Pocket sand.

(Secret technique number one was crotch-kicking, and number two was false surrender followed by a wild haymaker, by the way.)

Jessica then readied her electromagnet to drag that beach bum closer to SWORD RANGE once he was blinded, which would work if most of that wasn't real gold.

Epithet Erased: Use Your Words

Well, no one had applauded her. They must not have understood how COOL and BADASS she'd seemed. Jessica had outright insulted the teacher lady, and the woman didn't even have the teeth to fight back like she did before. It was kinda sad, how she stammered and meandered off. But she had lost her kids, apparently. She probably wasn't in the mood to argue.

"One more job to do. Being the leader is tough, but if I want to achieve VICE PRINCIPAL status, I need to learn to handle this stuff!"

Jessica grinned her shark grin, thinking about how COOL the Blasters would think she was if she'd managed to get out of this whole ordeal. Then, a bunch of people emerged from the brush, including Haywood's friends AND the kid! Jessica had been leader for FIVE SECONDS and ALREADY a problem got solved! Maybe she was better at this than she'd thought!

But with them came some Hawaiian shirt guy who was a TOTAL LAME-O. Terrorists? Capiche? What the heck? Even Eyebrows and that emo-lookin' kid seemed annoyed, but neither wanted to really say anything. Jessica undid her twintails, grabbing the copper wire that held one up and the rubber band that held the other. Both copper and rubber were excellent for creating things and for transformations, so she kept a little of both on her at all times. Her golden hair fell over her shoulders as she tucked her sunglasses into her track suit collar.

She glared at Lou with her icy blue eyes, and looked for a moment like the beautiful, austere heiress that she should have been. A certain air of depth, intelligence, and nobility flickered around her. What higher thought must lurk behind that frown? What invisible demons must torment this cold beauty?

Her eyes flickered to Jude, and she nodded at the boy before the entire facade shattered with the opening of her big, fat mouth.

"Screw off, you Sam Axe lookalike BITCH," she said, flipping Lou off, "go back to the set of Burn Notice to act as Bruce Campbell's stunt double because THAT MAN IS A TREASURE and he'd BETTER NOT BE DOING HIS OWN STUNTS."

Jessica grabbed one of the steel poles that held up what used to be a volleyball net.

"My name is JESSICA, and my epithet is FINDING A REAL-ASS GODDAMNED SWORD so's we can FIND SOME KIDS FASTER."

Jessica combined the steel pole and the copper wire in order to create an electromagnet, which she then combined with some batteries she found inside one of those dumbass HANDHELD FANS in order to create a POWERED electromagnet. She pointed it towards the area near where Eyebrows woke up, and flipped the switch. Haywood would know that she was inscribed now, but every second those kids remained unfound was a second they were in danger.

Epithet Erased: Use Your Words

"OK, well, I'm not a crybaby and I WASN'T CRYING," Jessica replied to Aurora, blowing her nose and wiping her tears with the inside of her tracksuit collar, "like Hellmouth says, I just... GOT EXCITED. At the prospect of..."

Shit, what was exciting about being trapped on a remote island with a bunch of DORKAZOIDS? Jessica stalled for a second before snapping and pointing at Jude.

"Finding that ki- wait, you can't find the kid?"

Jessica looked around her and, sure enough, no kid. That was no good. She might've been a dumb kid, but no way she deserved to be alone on an island. Kid was SMALL. She had to be SCARED. Jessica bit her lower lip, a bit worried about the small child, but once again she tried to suck down her dumb EMOTIONS. She turned to Penny.

"Wh- you can't just RESUMMON the sword, Eyebrows? How LAME is that? GAHAHA! Well I guess it CAN'T BE HELPED! I'll help find the SWORD and the KID and fix EVERYTHING as the NEW LEADER HERE."

Jessica smiled PROUDLY and CONFIDENTLY, putting on a face that was a lie to everyone, even herself. But hey, fake it 'til you make it. She looked to Noelle, sneering.

"We're FINE you OLD BAG. This ain't The Most Dangerous Game OR Lord of the Flies. This shit is Gilligan's Island except we get off in the end. Let's FIND SOME SHIT, and then kick back and sip a coconut or whatever."

Jessica waited for the applause that would surely follow her show of CONFIDENCE and LEADERSHIP.

Epithet Erased: Use Your Words

Jessica was having an utterly FANTASTIC cry sesh. She was really letting it out, and perhaps got a little loud for her own good. Her therapist would probably be proud, if she had a therapist. But she didn't. Because seeking help was for LOSERS. Best to deal with these things STUBBORNLY and ALONE.

Hey. You okay and stuff?

SHIT. She was DEFINITELY NOT okay and stuff! One of those NOSY NANCYS was sniffin' into her biz, and they were about to find out that she had FEELINGS and FEELINGS WERE LAME.

She had to lie! Lie like she'd never lied before!

"BwaaaaHAHAHA!"

Jessica's crying quickly turned to laughter as she rose from her crouching position in one swift move, with all the deftness of someone who spent HOURS of the day loitering outside of convenience stores EVILLY.

"You FOOLS," Jessica called out, her nose still snotty from all the CRYING she definitely DID, "I have been LAUGHING MYSELF TO TEARS watching you all CRY LIKE BABIES!"

Jessica looked up at the girl who had come to see if she was alright, and smirked.

"H-HAHAHA you totally thought I was CRYING but really I WASN'T CRYING so I'm FINE AND STUFF."

"HNNN! Gotta suck it back in! Eat that despair! Let it fester and FUEL my BLACK SOUL like a healthy ADULT!"

Epithet Erased: Use Your Words

Yet another clueless adult. Nothing that Jessica hadn't heard before. It lacked the SICK PERSONALS that the teacher brought to the table as well. Empty words, devoid of meaning. The last line, especially, was laughable to Jessica. Acting like nothing was wrong was her BAG, and infinitely preferable to the truth.

Because the 'truth' was that Jessica was friendless, unlikable, and that her own family forgot her birthday. For three years straight.

SCREW the truth, the truth sucked and Haywood knew it.

"OOOHHH SICK BUUURN," Jessica called out after Haywood delivered a piece of verbal ART. She flipped 'Mark' off as she backed away.

"LATER, LOSER!"

She was feeling pretty good about her verbal victory. Maybe with the help of Haywood and his crew, she might actually be able to get something done today. Maybe they could have fun knocking over a store or two. At least it would beat last year, when she stayed at home alone and ate a dozen cupcakes while watching anime and crying.

But she was blindsided by an unexpected source.

Like havin' some tacky trick makes you important.

Jessica stopped in her tracks, and looked at the ground, chuckling nervously.

"Y-yeah... assholes."

Because Jessica knew that, even though her epithet wasn't that great, it was also the only thing that made her special. Nobody liked her, and she wasn't good at anything, but Mongrel was HERS. No one else could do what she could, even if that something wasn't incredibly cool. It hurt, but it would be best to come clean about her status as an Inscribed before things got too weird.

"A-actually, you know, I was lying to that guy. I'm really-"

Thunderbolts and lightning. Very, very frightening. Jessica's eyes widened as she looked out at the ocean.

"...Shit."

---

"Ugh... what happened...? My birthday... w-was it a 'rager'? Did I party HARD?"

Jessica stumbled to her feet, brushing the sand off her face.

"The beach still? How did I... huh? Wait... this isn't..."

Second after second, more information came in. The wreckage, the groaning people, the new scenery, and then memory of the storm.

"Wait, what?"

Jessica continued looking around in disbelief. It was all coming together, but none of it made sense.

All she wanted was a happy birthday.

Of course something like this would happen.

Of course.

And now she was gonna die on a desert island because her parents didn't know or care where she went. All because she wanted to get out of her room and try something different. Whatever she tried, it seemed failure followed her. It was too much to take in all at once. Jessica was still a kid, after all.

She crouched and buried her face in her hands, because she didn't want anyone to see. She whimpered, sobbed, and began to cry, trying her best to do so softly and muffle the sounds. No one could see her like this. Crying was lame. Banzai Blasters didn't cry.

Banzai Blasters didn't cry.

Epithet Erased: Use Your Words

"GAH IT'S JENSEN ACKLES, STAR OF HIT TELEVISION DRAMA SUPERNATURAL, AIRING ON CW EVERY MONDAY AT 8:00/7:00 CENTRAL," Jessica exclaimed, jumping in surprise. This was the second time Jensen Ackles just seemed to appear behind her. It was just her and Haywood only a few seconds before. Jessica backed up as her new Blaster friend handled the situation calmly.

Calm. Right. That's what this situation required. Jessica looked behind the man surreptitiously.

"How did he manage to sneak up on me twice in a row... inscribed? One... two... two sets of footprints in the sand. Mine and Haywood's. Rules out silence and invisibility. A teleportation epithet?"

There were too many words that could lend themselves to such a power. All she could guess at this point was that running was not wise. This situation was to be defused with words, as Haywood suggested. It was sheer luck that the man followed them to an unoccupied area, or else there would have been too many footprints to count. Every bone in her body wanted to brag about figuring it out, but knowing at least one thing he could do without him being aware could be useful later. Instead, she concentrated on defusing the situation.

"Y-yeah... yeah! You know, kids talk a lot of crap all the time without meaning any of it. If it'll make you feel safer, though, I'm just a mundie," Jessica said, putting her hands up in faux surrender, "my SPECIAL ABILITY is being a plain Jane. That's why I PEACED OUT so quick when that epithet-user menaced me with a sword. I don't have any ability to defend myself from stuff like that."

It was then that Jessica discovered that she had one worthwhile skill after all: lying her ass off.

"But, hey, drag me to security if you want. I'm SURE beach security will react positively to a grown-ass ADULT manhandling a VERY TALL FOR HER HEIGHT girl, especially with all the HARD EVIDENCE you have of my nonexistant wrongdoing. How about you leave us be to enjoy the beach, huh?"