+\ NSEA Protector II, command deck .
One of the Thermians spoke up, ruining the illusion of unimportance. "I am detecting energy buildup amongst several ships concordant with weapon signatures." Jason frowned, trying to parse the technobabble. Before he could ask what the hell that meant, another Thermian spoke up.
"Confirmed. There is a... hmmmm... 78% probability that they are powering weapons systems." The entirety of the Thermian command deck crew got up as one and neatly filed toward the elevator, arms held rigidly in front of them, heads down.
"Jason-!" Gwen exclaimed.
"Woah, wait a minute. Mathesar, where's everybody going?" Jason asked.
"While my people are talented scientists," Mathesar replied, "our attempts to operate our own technologies under tactical simulation have been... disastrous." Gwen was glancing around, wide-eyed, still holding a white-knuckled grip on her console.
"Tactical... situation?" Tommy mumbled from his navigation console.
"Oh, bloody hell," Alexander said as the last of the competent crew left the bridge.
"Okay, nobody panic," Jason said. "Tommy, keep us still. And this time, don't crash the ship into anything. Gwen, we gotta reply to the Galactic Empire." Gwen stared at the so-hauntingly-familiar controls. Damnit, the ones on the show were backlit cardboard cutouts! The only things that she knew how to work were the ones laughably out of place - when a mic grip had crashed into her console hours before shooting, the props guys had literally duct-taped an answering machine in place of the usual backlit controls. Unfortunately, (or rahter, fortunately, now that she thought of it) that was one of three episodes that had had a close-up of her console. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed Guy craning his neck to look out the bridge ceiling windows.
"New transmissions received," the computer said.
She pressed the playback button.
"All transmission playback," the Computer said. It launched into the first transmission again. The entire crew groaned. Hastily, Gwen pressed the skip button a couple of times.
There was something about communism that cut off halfway through. A ship called the Normandy asked if they knew what was going on. There was a series of transmissions about rescuing survivors from a heavily damaged ship. Tommy sat steely-faced through that one. Finally the kicker: an ultimatum from the Imperials. She really needed to reply.
"Gwen," Jason prompted from his command chair.
"Damnit Jason, I'm trying. Does it look like I know where the "call" button is?" A thought occured to her. "Computer, call the Imperial ship."
"Hailing. Unable to comply due to voidal interference on the transmissions bands."
"Look, it's morse code," Guy said, pointing at one of the saucer-and-fins ships floating above them. One of the ship's navlights was blinking erratically.
It was such a non-sequitor, Alexander had to ask. "How do you know morse code?"
"I was an Eagle scout," Guy responded. The rest of the cast exhanged a glance.
"Get back on weapons, Guy!" Jason ordered. "Raise plasma armor! Get ready to fire!"
Guy looked at his console. Happily, there was a button labeled "Plasma Armor". Pressing it brought up a series of menus, tabs, and radio-buttons. After a moment, Guy remembered. On the show, the plasma armor could be changed around to better deflect different types of weapons. Not that Guy had any idea which was most effective against whatever would be coming their way. He scanned through the wall of text. "Configuration alpha." That sounded good. He pressed it. Clangs and hissing could be heard from all around the ship as the vents opened and the ionizeable gasses were released. A loading bar made its steady way to 100%, at which point the plasma ignited with a dull thud, sheathing the ship in a protective shroud. Now for weapons. Weapons were.... somewhere. They weren't on the screen in front of him, and the screen below that one just had a green dot and a circle (whatever that meant). That screen hadn't changed in so long that Guy was half-convinced that it really was a static image pasted to the console. The hundreds of other, variously-colored buttons were completely unlabeled.
"Uh, which ones-" Guy started to ask.
"Just press all the red ones when we need to fire!" Jason said.
"Okay."
"Computer," Gwen said. She'd gotten another idea. "Can you morse code back at the ship morse-coding us?"
"Affirmative," the computer said.
"Now we're getting somewhere!" Jason said, "Tell them that this is all some kind of a big misunderstanding, and if they'd just let us leave, we'd be happy to get out of their Empire's hair."
Gwen repeated the message to the computer, who in turn relayed it to the USS Aurora.