Rethel34 — Roleplayer Guild

Whoo, ok. All caught up now. So first, @Midori The CS's are fine with the exception of one tiny detail: It is not mentioned of any kind of difficulty persuading the council to allow Taiko to become a Jedi, despite the fact of her not being drafted into the Order until she's 15 (unless I missed something?), when the Council typically wouldn't allow older people to join except in special cases (such as being the "Chosen One", or being in the midst of war and needing more Jedi. I'm not against her joining. Just have to find something that makes her extremely unique (keep in mind, unique, not a Mary Sue trait) for her to be allowed in. Perhaps give her a Battle Meditation-esque ability or great healing abilities or precognition or something of the sort? While perhaps she can't entirely control it yet? I know you said she was relatively skilled with a lightsaber, but that could be attributed to "street smarts" and knowing how to gauge her opponents' weaknesses. 

@Overlord24 Most of what I could say has pretty much been said, but you've got a lot of fixing to do. You have an extreme-level Mary Sue (or "Gary Stu", if you'd rather) here. A prodigy of a Jedi (literally good at EVERYTHING) who was knighted by 15 despite being vulnerable to the Dark Side is not likely to happen. In fact, Jedi typically aren't Knighted until around 20 at earliest. Obi-Wan was a notably powerful member of the order, even praised for his swordsmanship by Mace Windu (the quote goes something along the lines of "But who is the stronger: The inventor of a lethal form [referring to himself], or the master of a classic one [referring to Obi-Wan]?" said immediately after Obi-Wan had attempted to praise Windu's skills), but even he wasn't knighted until 19 or 20, or perhaps later. I don't entirely remember the details.

You also, as was said, have created a very minimal CS. We have no idea what the accident was that gave him his cybernetics, how he was raised as a Jedi, why he would favor the Makashi form (he sounds more like his personality might favor a form such as Shien/Djem So), and then there's this:
after that his choices were, to stop Jedi training, or to get robotic replacements
He's without one of his arms, and he has one missing eye. Kreia's eyes had atrophied to total blindness, and by the end of KotOR II, she had no hands. Did that stop her from fighting or continuing to function as a Sith? Heck, no. Granted she was a Sith Lord, but the fact remains, this is a very unlikely obstacle to one continuing his/her Jedi training. In fact, it's all the reason to continue if you don't get prosthetic replacements.

Like Midori's Padawan, it sounds like he was drafted into the Order at an older-than-normal age, and seems more likely to have been scouted out by the Sith than the Jedi. So the question is, "Why was he allowed in the Order?" We have nothing that is a good enough reason. He has dark tendencies already, and he's too old. Not about to be allowed in, especially if Atris had anything to say about it.

Lastly, we need some more on the description if you're going to not use an image. In short, we don't do "one-liners" in Casual, or at least not in any RP I've been in here, and especially not in portions of a CS. Those are for Free RPs, so let's clean this one up.

@Zeroth Sorry if my IC post for Alek was a little awkward in what he said. I can fix up some of that if you'd rather. I literally threw that together in the spur of the moment because that was about all I had in time, and realized later it wasn't really in-character for him. My brother's better at impersonating him and he literally told me if your character still wasn't convinced to use a line like, "If there is to be no emotion, but peace, then is allowing the Mandalorians to spread such hatred throughout the galaxy--is this going to bring the Jedi peace?" Or something to that effect. But I guess I didn't have to lol
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