Grok
The can of trash was growing? Surely his Room-Mate the Jill would not lie to him. Perhaps this can was trying to sneakily trying to take up more and more of the kitchen after all, to overthrow them. This trash can was right next to the fridge, and in that fridge was the flesh of the unborn he so loved (eggs.) Was this why he was always told to take out the trash at work? Were they truly such a pest?
Instead of contemplating this further, Grok stands tall before the trash can, braces both hands against it, and a dreadful noise resounds as he slowly crushes it like a human trash compactor, only for something brown to suddenly ooze out from the side. This in turn causes a great narrowing of the eyes as Grok goes to an open window, and brutally chucks the can towards the dumpster across the street.
"Grah! The Manager Eugene will not let Grok work with the blood of his enemies on him! I need that which sanitizes the hands, the ritual of cleansing must commense before my shift!" He exclaims, going to the sink to rinse off his hands, only to find Henry's oatmeal bowl sitting in it. "Why is this dish not rinsed? It is Grok's night to do the dishes, and the oats of grain get hard upon the bowl!"