rocketrobie2

Justice League Unlimited - United We Stand

Gonna throw my hat into the ring too now. No less busy but who knows when things'll lighten up enough and its been a while since I've done JLU.

Ultimate One Universe: Emergence

@Master Bruce Super sorry I havent said anything about not posting yet! Had a minor medical thing at the begining of the month and a heap of homework to catch up with. Getting something going now but no sweat if I am cut now.

Justice League Unlimited - United We Stand

Anybody watching this? @rocketrobie2 @Simple Unicycle @WXer you guys doing anything rn?

@Omega Man

Sorry for the real late reply man, I don't think I can handle another RP right now. I'm barely keeping up with the one I'm in now plus I'm going into my last(ish) year of school. I might be able to once/if I hit my stride with classes but no promises

Ultimate One Universe: Emergence

Finally posted. Sorry for the wait! Schools just starting up but I hope I'll be able to get the next one out sooner!

Ultimate One Universe: Emergence

---

U S A G E N T

---

As John stared into the eyes of the murderous animal, all he could think about was the circus he now found himself in. He wasn't sure what to expect when his first 'mission' right out of the coffin was looking for some hairy beast in the forest. He was amazed by his renewed leg and with that miracle coupled with the not-so-subtle hints from his coworkers, John had been duped into believing he was actually going to have a confrontation with Bigfoot.
FOOL
John was feeling pretty stupid to say the least. All this Bigfoot turned out to be was a circus bear with a penchant for walking upright and being too comfortable around people. That being said, the giant looked anything but gentle at the moment as it thrashed at its container and tried to get its claws on John again.
FOOLHARDY
Again. How had he survived the bear attack let alone wrestle it into that cage? John smiled as he turned away from the cage and ran his hand along the large gash in his suit. Whatever those eggheads at ARGUS did to him made him a new man. He had a new lease on life and, as foolish as he felt, he felt better than ever physically.
BACK TO YOUR TASK, HERO
"Back to base then? Seems like Whinnie's ready to go back home." John asked an ARGUS agent, furiously tapping away at an old tablet and reacting with an eye roll to John's joke.

"No dice Bat Lash. The brass uptop want you to go with the other agents to bring the bear back. It's good to have the poster-boy seen saving the cat from the tree so to speak."

"Are you messing with me? All the quips and bringing the bear back to the circus? No way they want me on-"
SILENCE
The agent just gave John a stern stare, never ceasing his typing. Match his gaze with a glare, John sustained it for a couple moments before breaking off and heading back towards the bear cage that was now being hoisted onto the back of a truck. The bear, now succumbing to the sedatives it had been shot full of, was sluggishly still pawing at the lock on its cage but to no avail. On his way by, John smacked the bear's hand back inside its cage in frustration and hopped up into the passenger seat of the truck.
SMARTEN UP. SHOW THEM YOU CAN FOLLOW ORDERS

---

An hour or so later and no closer to civilization, the top of the main circus tent came into view. John's sour attitude had mellowed out and he'd settled into the motions; drop off the bear, look good for onlookers and maybe make it back to base in time for movie night.

The circus itself wasn't much to gawk at once you got closer. From afar it was all spotlights and stripes, a real throw-back to the 1930-something circuses people think of when you say the word 'circus'. People (mostly adults at this hour) went about their business as the government vehicle drove down the well worn path clearly intended for foot-traffic.

"The animal handler's supposed to meet us behind the big tent." the driving agent chirped in John's direction. "We'll just help move the bear over to it's enclosure and make tracks. Shouldn't take more than a couple minutes."
MORE OR LESS. LIKELY MORE. THERE IS THE STENCH OF SORCERY HERE.
John just nodded along, giving a smile out the window at the naturally curious crowd. Something about this place felt off to John though; maybe it was still all the supernatural bigfoot-hype making its way through his system but that didn't change the fluttering feeling he was getting deep in his gut.

Finally pulling around to the back of the large big-top tent, John was out of the truck and out the door before it had fully come to a stop. With a confident stride, John met with the man who he presumed to be the animal handler and who had emerged from a dilapidated RV.
SHOW-TIME.
"You found Balo! Thank goodness he's safe! When I let the officers know he escaped I was sure I was just going to be getting his remains but here he is!" Bonnie exclaimed.

Despite his thanks, Bonnie's focus was more on the bear, giving John a polite out to look over the odd man. Standing at just around 6 feet, Bonnie was ripped as shown by his open coat (sporting a nametag written in cursive) and lack of shirt underneath. A fine but thick slathering of short, un-impressive hair layed on his tan, leathery head which also sported his mouth that drooped into an odd, toothless but open smile and he basked in the presence of the bear. After getting his quick fill of gawking, John snapped himself back to the task at hand; branding.
VERY PERCEPTIVE.
"Of course not. If there's any shot to help one of God's creatures get back home safe and sound, USAgent'll take it."
VERY PUERILE.
Bonnie finally turned his attention to John asking: "Who's-"

"That's me. I'm USAgent. Here to help"

Ultimate One Universe: Emergence

Just putting it out there that I’m about 3/4 the way done with my first post! Had a hard weekend of work and summer classes wrapping up but I’m still kicking!

Ultimate One Universe: Emergence

C H A R A C T E R C O N C E P T P R O P O S A L

U S A G E N T

---

^{”Witty Quote"}

^{_{J O H N W A L K E R ♦ G O V E R N M E N T A G E N T ♦ A M E R I C A}}

O R I G I N S:

---

It’s hard to sum up the kind of man John Walker is. Born after a war-hero older brother, taken too soon from the world, John grew up in the shadow of Mike’s legacy (a position he gladly took, looking up to his brother a lot). As soon as he was old enough Joh enrolled in the army, hoping to live up to the Mike’s legend. As a result of this fixation on his older brother (one that his parents made no effort to curb), John never really grew into his own man. This was made especially evident after he was honourably discharged after an accident left him with one paralyzed leg, a stump where the other should have been and, a new void where his lofty goals once laid.
EMPTY VESSEL
Coming back home was a fate worse than death for John; his parents wouldn’t say it but the feeling of shame that their son had done so little in comparison to his brother was palpable. John spent his days in physio, going to church and listening to podcasts to drown out his internal dread. One of these church trips turned flipped John’s downward spiral as his parents got to chatting with another regular of the congregation. There had been an exponential uptick in strange events over the past couple months and, reading the writing on the wall, the woman had managed to get funding for a new government agency to investigate and tackle these possible issues outside the scope of conventional law enforcement. Handing John’s parents his card, Ms.Bordeaux expressed her interest in meeting with their son after hearing his story.
DEAL MADE
Skeptical at first, John wasn’t sure what he had to offer anymore but he wasn’t one to turn down a call from his country. Being flown out to Oregon, John was met with a dark and forboding building in the middle of the forest, Ms.Bordeaux for the first time and an offer; serve his country by become the point man for the fledgling group, becoming a symbol of law and order to those who thought themselves above the law due to their genetic quirk, perceived intellectual superiority or supernatural abilities. In return John would not only regain the use of his bad leg but be able to walk, run and endure more than he could have ever believed. John had stopped listening after the offer to serve his country. Still in it’s fledgling stages, John works as the USAgent; figurehead, heavy-hitter and mascot for the Abnormal Research Group of the United States.
PUPPET MADE WHOLE

S A M P L E P O S T:

---

Recent events seemed to blur together for John Walker. He wasn’t sure whether it was because of his new position and promise of being able to walk again or if it was all the meds he’d been doped up with. The long hallway he was being wheeled down might have been scary or forbidding had it not been for the seemingly frantic and erratic actions of the construction crew. Apparently this whole facility hadn’t been here a week ago with an equal amount of pieces being built on site, getting brought in or, only acting as temporary housing for the crew being brought on to Ms.Bordeaux’s motley group. Despite the cacophony of noise John couldn’t tune into any one conversation only snippets like…

“…pod ready?”

“…real, contemporary Captain…”

“…any backups?”

In what felt like a blink of an eye, John was being helped out of his chair and into what looked like a copper coffin with a porthole. If he had to describe it more thoroughly, he’d say it looked like an old-timey diving bell but even if he did decide to share his thought with the class, John knew it would come out slurred and unintelligible. No, he’d keep his mouth shut and save some of his remaining dignity as nurses and doctors strapped him into the device that would supposedly help him walk again.

“Listen John” one of the doctors said, snapping their fingers in front of his face to draw his scattered attention “we’re putting you under. You might find yourself lucid dreaming. If you do, stay calm; too much panicking while you’re under might make you hurt yourself. Just count sheep till you wake up.”

John gave (what he thought was) a nod towards the doctor as everyone finally stepped away from him, closing the coffin’s lid on him. The porthole let ample light in but that did little to alleviate the growing fear. On the battlefield you at least had autonomy, control over yourself when faced with a threat but here drugged up, missing a leg and locked away; John felt terrified. This wasn’t helped any as his vision began to fade as gas was pumped in. He kept his composure, only just barely, until sleep finally took him…
WELCOME
…And then he was awake, or more precisely, conscious. He found himself in a void; not an overwhelming, all consuming blackness but just a lacking of anything worthy of note aside from John and the ground beneath him. The doctor’s word rang vividly through his mind and therefore around him in this place between consciousness. John sat himself down and began counting fluffy white sheep which seemed to now already be there, hopping an impossibly long fence. Sheep after sheep went by and pretty soon John found himself in the triple digits, beginning to get concerned.
TOO MUCH CLUTTER
”Should I be out this long? How long have I actually been out? Always feels like’a lifetime after you wake up but this still seems like too much.” John thought to himself, his thoughts being projected onto the landscape before him once more as growing unease crept in. Feeling himself slipping, he got back to his task at hand and began counting white fluffy shee-
ALL BETTER. HELLO
The sheep were gone save for one, black ram locking eyes with John as he gnawed away at a patch of grass, sprouted from just under the fence. John hadn’t tried imagining this one. It had just been there when it shouldn’t have. What made him switch pallets? How was he supposed to count just the one ram? And why couldn’t he stop thinking about it? None of these thoughts rang out around John, like he’d been cut off from whatever stream of consciousness that let him interact here. Instead he was now at the mercy of his own subconscious and this one sheep.
SEE YOU AGAIN SOON
”Baaaaa……aaand we’re done!”

John blinked the sleep away as the muffled voice of the doctor brought him back to the waking world. Immediately John felt off. He felt pumped, like he’d just finished a work out sans any tiredness and his legs felt like they were aslee-

Legs?

Even in the dim confines of the tube, John could just make out the shape of two legs underneath him, a view he would get a much better look at a moment later as the coffin popped open and light illuminated his wiggling toes and very pink, very much intact right leg. Stunned into silence, John couldn’t peel his eyes off his newly restored form until a familiar snapping brought his gaze back up to the doctor.

“I know you’re amazed and all, it’s a miracle after all, but boss lady wants you suited up and outta here. We’ve got some questionably credible intel about a…” the doctor pulled up a message on her phone “…quote, tall furry figure harassing hikers near the Canada-USA border end-quote.”

P O S T C A T A L O G:

---

A list linking to your IC posts as they're created. This can be used for a reference guide to your character or to summarize completed interactions and stories.

Ultimate One Universe: Emergence

USAgent by @rocketrobie2
Teen Titans by @Pacifista


Oh, and... the IC is open now.

@Master Bruce

H-h-hell yeah

Ultimate One Universe: Emergence

Sorry to double post but here's my backup if the above isn't accepted

Think Hellboy meets X-files

C H A R A C T E R C O N C E P T P R O P O S A L

U S A G E N T

---

^{”Witty Quote"}

^{_{J O H N W A L K E R ♦ G O V E R N M E N T A G E N T ♦ A M E R I C A}}

O R I G I N S:

---

It’s hard to sum up the kind of man John Walker is. Born after a war-hero older brother, taken too soon from the world, John grew up in the shadow of Mike’s legacy (a position he gladly took, looking up to his brother a lot). As soon as he was old enough Joh enrolled in the army, hoping to live up to the Mike’s legend. As a result of this fixation on his older brother (one that his parents made no effort to curb), John never really grew into his own man. This was made especially evident after he was honourably discharged after an accident left him with one paralyzed leg, a stump where the other should have been and, a new void where his lofty goals once laid.
EMPTY VESSEL
Coming back home was a fate worse than death for John; his parents wouldn’t say it but the feeling of shame that their son had done so little in comparison to his brother was palpable. John spent his days in physio, going to church and listening to podcasts to drown out his internal dread. One of these church trips turned flipped John’s downward spiral as his parents got to chatting with another regular of the congregation. There had been an exponential uptick in strange events over the past couple months and, reading the writing on the wall, the woman had managed to get funding for a new government agency to investigate and tackle these possible issues outside the scope of conventional law enforcement. Handing John’s parents his card, Ms.Bordeaux expressed her interest in meeting with their son after hearing his story.
DEAL MADE
Skeptical at first, John wasn’t sure what he had to offer anymore but he wasn’t one to turn down a call from his country. Being flown out to Oregon, John was met with a dark and forboding building in the middle of the forest, Ms.Bordeaux for the first time and an offer; serve his country by become the point man for the fledgling group, becoming a symbol of law and order to those who thought themselves above the law due to their genetic quirk, perceived intellectual superiority or supernatural abilities. In return John would not only regain the use of his bad leg but be able to walk, run and endure more than he could have ever believed. John had stopped listening after the offer to serve his country. Still in it’s fledgling stages, John works as the USAgent; figurehead, heavy-hitter and mascot for the Abnormal Research Group of the United States.
PUPPET MADE WHOLE

S A M P L E P O S T:

---

Recent events seemed to blur together for John Walker. He wasn’t sure whether it was because of his new position and promise of being able to walk again or if it was all the meds he’d been doped up with. The long hallway he was being wheeled down might have been scary or forbidding had it not been for the seemingly frantic and erratic actions of the construction crew. Apparently this whole facility hadn’t been here a week ago with an equal amount of pieces being built on site, getting brought in or, only acting as temporary housing for the crew being brought on to Ms.Bordeaux’s motley group. Despite the cacophony of noise John couldn’t tune into any one conversation only snippets like…

“…pod ready?”

“…real, contemporary Captain…”

“…any backups?”

In what felt like a blink of an eye, John was being helped out of his chair and into what looked like a copper coffin with a porthole. If he had to describe it more thoroughly, he’d say it looked like an old-timey diving bell but even if he did decide to share his thought with the class, John knew it would come out slurred and unintelligible. No, he’d keep his mouth shut and save some of his remaining dignity as nurses and doctors strapped him into the device that would supposedly help him walk again.

“Listen John” one of the doctors said, snapping their fingers in front of his face to draw his scattered attention “we’re putting you under. You might find yourself lucid dreaming. If you do, stay calm; too much panicking while you’re under might make you hurt yourself. Just count sheep till you wake up.”

John gave (what he thought was) a nod towards the doctor as everyone finally stepped away from him, closing the coffin’s lid on him. The porthole let ample light in but that did little to alleviate the growing fear. On the battlefield you at least had autonomy, control over yourself when faced with a threat but here drugged up, missing a leg and locked away; John felt terrified. This wasn’t helped any as his vision began to fade as gas was pumped in. He kept his composure, only just barely, until sleep finally took him…
WELCOME
…And then he was awake, or more precisely, conscious. He found himself in a void; not an overwhelming, all consuming blackness but just a lacking of anything worthy of note aside from John and the ground beneath him. The doctor’s word rang vividly through his mind and therefore around him in this place between consciousness. John sat himself down and began counting fluffy white sheep which seemed to now already be there, hopping an impossibly long fence. Sheep after sheep went by and pretty soon John found himself in the triple digits, beginning to get concerned.
TOO MUCH CLUTTER
”Should I be out this long? How long have I actually been out? Always feels like’a lifetime after you wake up but this still seems like too much.” John thought to himself, his thoughts being projected onto the landscape before him once more as growing unease crept in. Feeling himself slipping, he got back to his task at hand and began counting white fluffy shee-
ALL BETTER. HELLO
The sheep were gone save for one, black ram locking eyes with John as he gnawed away at a patch of grass, sprouted from just under the fence. John hadn’t tried imagining this one. It had just been there when it shouldn’t have. What made him switch pallets? How was he supposed to count just the one ram? And why couldn’t he stop thinking about it? None of these thoughts rang out around John, like he’d been cut off from whatever stream of consciousness that let him interact here. Instead he was now at the mercy of his own subconscious and this one sheep.
SEE YOU AGAIN SOON
”Baaaaa……aaand we’re done!”

John blinked the sleep away as the muffled voice of the doctor brought him back to the waking world. Immediately John felt off. He felt pumped, like he’d just finished a work out sans any tiredness and his legs felt like they were aslee-

Legs?

Even in the dim confines of the tube, John could just make out the shape of two legs underneath him, a view he would get a much better look at a moment later as the coffin popped open and light illuminated his wiggling toes and very pink, very much intact right leg. Stunned into silence, John couldn’t peel his eyes off his newly restored form until a familiar snapping brought his gaze back up to the doctor.

“I know you’re amazed and all, it’s a miracle after all, but boss lady wants you suited up and outta here. We’ve got some questionably credible intel about a…” the doctor pulled up a message on her phone “…quote, tall furry figure harassing hikers near the Canada-USA border end-quote.”

P O S T C A T A L O G:

---

A list linking to your IC posts as they're created. This can be used for a reference guide to your character or to summarize completed interactions and stories.

Ultimate One Universe: Emergence

Took me a bit but here it is! Hopin' @Simple Unicycle doesn't try to nab this one from me again before the 24 hours are up (I will NEVER forgive you)

Gunsligin' Chatterbox

C H A R A C T E R C O N C E P T P R O P O S A L

The Nostalgia Critic

---

^{_{Doug Walker ♦ Critic ♦ Illinois ♦ Channel Awesome}}

C H A R A C T E R C O N C E P T:

---

^{”Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to!“}

Doing a justice for the denizens of the internet, now Mr.Walker has his spectacled eyes set on the DC universe! With numerous feats under his belt, The Nostalgia Critic will be perfectly accepted in the DC universes with the likes of Super-man and Arnold Burnsteel. HE will be shunted from the CACU (Channel Awesome cinematic Universe) and put in the dc universe via going into the phantom zone from his universe and then put into the dc universe from there.

C H A R A C T E R M O T I V A T I O N S & G O A L S:

---

The Nostalgia Critic is really cool and I want to write him out in a collaborative format. Being around Linkara for so long Doug would obviously want to bring his critic powers to the super hero scene and help the citizens of the planet. Why do I want play him? I don’t know man I’m a mess, my car wasn’t working and now that’s it’s running it need body work and all of my time has been taken up with that or school work to the point that I feel guilty for doing anything else and all my interests have fallen to the wayside to the point I don’t know if I like any of them anymore and I also just really enjoy the Chennal Awesome movies so why wouldn’t I want to play him!

C H A R A C T E R N O T E S:

---

I’m going to make him turn into a version of doctor insano in season two and have him deal with that

S A M P L E P O S T:

---

NC: Man, I remember that being a good teaser.
(He clicks on the video, and it plays)
Jor-El (voiced by Doug): Even though you have been raised as a human being, you are not one of them. (NC nods) They can be a great people, if they wish to be. I have sent them you, my son. (NC mouths, "Fucking awesome!", as the Superman logo appears) Superman.
NC: Man, that still holds up. Too bad the movie sucks ass.
(He clicks on something on YouTube, and several videos on how bad Superman Returns was are shown)
NC: The hell is this? I watched one Superman Returns video. It doesn't mean that's all I want to see.
(He clicks on another part of the YouTube site, only to come up with even more Superman Returns videos. NC groans and then clicks on the "Trending" page, which seems to be trolling NC now, because it consists of nothing but Superman Returns videos)
NC: No, Superman Returns will never be trending!
(He then does a search on news, and several videos on the Snyder Cut come up)
NC: Okay, that's a little different.
(He clicks on a video, and a nerdy woman in glasses, played by Tamara, appears)
Nerdy woman: Hey, movie nerds! Today, I want to talk about the Snyder Cut and how it's not Superman Returns.
NC: (confused) What the shit?
Nerdy woman: Now, I for one am shocked that's not Superman Returns. I mean, everything pointed to the Snyder Cut being Superman Returns. (NC stares in shock) ...Superman Returns!
(NC sighs and clicks on another video. This one is hosted by one of the Chart Guys (played by Malcolm))
Chart Guy: Today on "But the Chart Says...", we're going to be taking a look at the likelihood of the Snyder Cut becoming a hit. (NC sighs with relief) But seeing as how you clicked on a Superman Returns video, every video you see now has to be about that.
NC: (incredulously) How do you even know that?!
Chart Guy: You might be wondering to yourself how I would even know that. Well, if you look at the chart...
(He gestures toward a chart, which has appeared in the corner, which reads, "CLICK ON YOUTUBE VIDEOS = ALL RECOMMENDED VIDEOS WILL BE ABOUT THAT". NC sighs and throws his head around in frustration, realizing there is no other way out)
NC: All right, I guess I'm talking about Superman Returns.
(The title for Superman Returns is shown, followed by footage of it. Dozens of posters of various superhero movies, both made before and after this movie, are also shown in the opening thoughts)
NC (vo): In 2006, with almost 20 years since the last Superman movie, and several bizarre attempts with (Images of Nicolas Cage, Robert Downey, Jr., and Ben Affleck are superimposed) several bizarre people gone awry, Superman Returns settled on the master of comic book movies... (A rapid-fire montage of comic book movie producers is shown, before settling on Bryan Singer) ...at the time, Bryan Singer. He achieved surprising success with the first two X-Men films, so he seemed like a good middle-of-the-road choice for the Man of Steel. The only problem was, it was 2006. While superhero movies were just starting to make a comeback, they were nowhere near the powerhouse they are today. People didn't exactly know what the best way to handle them was, so they were mostly played pretty safe. Say what you will about comic book films after, but there's no doubt several of them pushed the envelope. Before then, even the biggest hits didn't take that many risks. Superman Returns might be the crowning achievement of playing it too safe. While certainly tapping on ideas that could be made interesting, it retreaded way too much of what's already been done before, resulting in a major bore-fest. Audiences mainly said the deep stuff is fine, but Superman doesn't even throw a punch in this, causing the film to majorly underperform at the box office. So, what happened to turn arguably the most popular superhero of all time into an excuse to catch some (An image of the Superman logo is superimposed, but with a Z instead of an S) super Zs?
(NC is shown coming into his review room)
NC: Let's talk about this two-and-a-half hour snoozer, as nobody else who talked about it I think could actually stay awake.
(The nerdy woman suddenly wakes up)
Nerdy woman: What? Oh. Uh, yeah, I tried, but I guess no one can get through this without falling asleep.
(The Chart Guy is shown holding a pillow and a blanket)
Chart Guy: I just thought that a pillow and blanket were required when discussing anything about this movie.
NC: (sighs) Let's snore our way through this with Superman Returns.
(The Chart Guy immediately falls asleep)
Chart Guy: (snoring) Charts, charts, charts, charts...
(The movie begins on the planet Krypton, Superman's home planet)
NC (vo): Okay, let's talk about, in my opinion, the biggest problem with the movie, and it's right at the beginning...
NC: Superman missing for years.
NC (vo): The excuse they go with is, astronomers discovered distant remains of Krypton and he vanished.
NC: Kinda weird, but I guess it could be interesting...
NC (vo): ...if we see the mindset, what led up to it, the choice of leaving his new home and the people he loves to possibly reconnect with the past one.
(Instead, it's all explained with simple text on the screen)
NC (vo): Nah, just text it to us! (Green arrows point out Superman's disappearance, told in a single sentence) In fact, only one sentence explained what happened; the rest reminds us what we already know! Is anyone going into a Superman movie really not aware of this information?
NC: It's like starting off The Dark Knight with...
(Text pops up reading: "Bruce Wayne is the guy dressed as a bat". Then after a beat, another word is added: "Dumbass". We then cut back to Superman Returns)
NC (vo): It may seem odd spending the majority of time focusing on what's not needed, but you'll find that's kind of the wedding theme of this movie; it's gonna pop up over and over.
(The title for the movie is shown, which is identical to the original Superman, music and all)
NC (vo): So, you'll quickly put together this is supposed to take place in the same universe as the Richard Donner films, using the same theme and even casting their lead (Images of the two actors playing Superman are shown: Christopher Reeve and Brandon Routh) based on how much he looks and sounds like the late Christopher Reeve.
(Cut to a clip of the original Superman)
Superman (Christopher Reeve): (to Lois Lane) Well, I certainly hope this little incident hasn't put you off flying, miss. (Lois shakes her head)
(Cut to a clip of Superman Returns, on an airplane, which Superman had just saved from going out of control and crashing (given the oxygen masks hanging from the ceilings))
Superman (Brandon Routh): (to the crowd he had saved) Well, I hope this experience hasn't put any of you off flying.
NC (vo): Judging by the credits, you might think maybe this could work. The music and visuals are pretty cool, getting you hyped up...
NC: ...but tell me if this matches the style of the Donner films...
(As the credits end and the camera closes in on Earth, there is an abrupt cut to black for a beat before flashes of lightning illuminate the exterior of a mansion, with several cars parked outside)
NC: (dramatically) Superman battles (now imitating Scooby-Doo) g-g-g-ghosts!
NC (vo): This immediately doesn't match! It'd make more sense if this popped up after that shot...
(The mansion, illuminated by lightning, is shown again. This time, the words "Super Scooby Doo Where Are You!" pop up, while the Scooby-Doo theme plays)
NC (vo; singing): Super Scooby-Doo, where are you? (normal) It looks like a dying old millionaire is leaving to Lex Luthor for, sadly, the exact reason you would expect.
Millionaire: (to Luthor) You've shown me pleasures that I've never known.
(A shot of a CG-animated girl is shown in the corner)
Girl: Ewwww! (covers her mouth)
NC (vo): ...as the cast of Knives Out discover this via a snarky Kevin Spacey performance.
(Lex Luthor, who seemed to have hair as he entered the room, pulls on his hair, which comes off his head easily, revealing that it was only a wig, and his dome is as bald as ever. He gives his wig to a little girl)
Luthor: You can keep that. The rest is mine.
(The little girl screams)
NC: Agreed. By far, that's the most shocking thing Kevin Spacey will ever reveal about himself.
NC (vo): Meanwhile, in Smallville, we see Superman's mother [Martha Kent, played by Eva Marie Saint] playing Scrabble with her dog... She might be nuts. ...as something lands in her backyard.
(As Martha looks out the window to investigate, she spots a huge meteorite crashing into the ground. Cut briefly to a clip of (I don't know what the movie is))
Man: Vegas.
(Cut back again to Superman Returns)
NC (vo): It looks like it's Clark, played this time by Brandon Routh, arriving home via Kryptonian pod. You might be wondering where he got that pod from. Did he make it? Did he find it?
(A clip of the original Superman movie, showing the pod Kal-El was delivered in as a baby is shown)
NC (vo): Is it the one he was delivered to Earth in, made to fit a grown man instead of a baby?
(The opening words about the astronomers discovering the remains of Kryptonian is shown in the corner)
NC: We wrote you a sentence! (reaches out hand) Check, please!
(We then cut to a ship in a storm, rolling over some violent waves as it does)
NC (vo; singing to the Gilligan's Island theme): The movie started getting dull, this boring film will flop...
(Meanwhile, Luthor and his henchmen enters Superman's Fortress of Solitude)
Henchman: Was this his house?
Luthor: This is where he learned who he was.
NC (vo): Lex Luthor goes searching for Superman's home once more, as this version is kinda (A shot of the poster for Halloween is superimposed) Halloween-ing itself, as rather than work with the challenges of (Posters for remakes/sequels of classic movies are shown: Creed, Escape from the Planet of the Apes, The Purge: Election Year, Spider-Man: Into the Spider-verse) the previous bad films like other clever franchises, Singer does what he always does: says, (Posters of X-Men: Days of Future Past and Superman Returns are shown) "Nah, I don't wanna," (A shot of an Etch-a-Sketch is shown shaking) then shakes up the franchise like an Etch-a-Sketch. So now, (Posters for the first two Superman movies are shown briefly) only Parts 1 and 2 are canon, even though I can't think of anything in (Posters for the third and fourth Superman movies are shown now) III and IV that technically gets in the way of anything here. In fact, I'd argue if Superman is aware (A shot of Luthor in the first movie is superimposed) Lex Luthor knows where he is, he'd upgrade his security a little bit, at the very least to beef up (A shot of a German shepherd is shown) Krypto [Supes' dog]. And yes, I do appreciate the irony that a film ignoring previous installments in a franchise is (Posters for later movies featuring Superman are shown: Man of Steel, Batman v Superman, Justice League) ignored by the continuing installments in the franchise.
(Jor-El's face appears in one of the crystal screens)
Jor-El (Marlon Brando): My son...you do not remember me...
NC (vo): Luthor comes across a crystal with Superman's father, played by Marlon Brando's...let's just assume pissed-off ghost, who is unaware he's talking to Luthor.
Luthor: Tell me everything...starting with crystals.
NC: And cinematography...
(Shots of wide-angle closeups in other Singer productions are shown)
NC (vo): ...as Singer is still convinced wide-angle closeups are the only shots there are.
(We then cut back to the Kent farm, where Clark Kent is seen)
NC (vo): Clark wakes up at his mother's, has a flashback to when he was a kid playing with his powers, and tells his mom he didn't find anything on his journey.
Martha: Five years to find what you were looking for. Your home.
Clark: That place was a graveyard. I'm all that's left.
NC (vo): You might be wondering what he's talking about exactly. What are the details of this already-vague setup?
(The "astronomers" message is shown next to NC again)
NC: The sentence is (points to it) right there! You're gonna make him think he did a bad job!
(The message shakes up and down, with the sound of crying added in, as though the message is the one crying. NC looks at it)
NC: No, no, no, sentence, you were great, you did wonderful. (points at camera) They're wrong!
NC (vo): Apparently, this is enough to jump right back to normal, as Clark goes back to the Daily Planet, ran by the loud and eccentric Perry White, played by the sleepy-eyed and fascinatingly disinterested Frank Langella.
(A montage of clips of White is shown)
White: I want to know it all, everything. / Lois, Superman. / (looking at a piece of paper) What are these, lottery numbers? / Yeah, that makes you an expert, so you're gonna do them again. / Great Caesar's Ghost! / Come on!
NC: This man was Skeletor! (A shot of Skeletor from He-Man and the Masters of the Universe is shown) There was no way he was told to go bigger, and he held back!
Clark: Thank you for giving me my job back.
White: Don't thank me, thank Norm Parker for dying.
Jimmy Olsen (Sam Huntington): (to Clark) It was his time.
NC: The doctor said (A shot of Superman firing his eye laser beams at what looks like Norm Parker is shown in the corner) twin lasers through the heart, but we all know it was old age.
NC (vo): He also discovers Lois Lane, played by "I'm this many" Kate Bosworth, won a Pulitzer for her story "Why the World Doesn't Need Superman". (A shot of the editorial is shown, along with additional words added in by NC...) "...and Clark Kent is a Douche too".
Jimmy: (looking at a photograph of Lois, who has a child of her) He looks just like his mom. Fearless reporter Lois Lane is a mommy.
NC: (as Jimmy) She gave birth when she was fifteen! (normal) No, seriously, check the birth date. (A shot of Bosworth's page on IMDB is shown, showing she was born on January 2, 1983) Do the math. A little weird.
NC (vo): Lex returns to the mansion, where they see one of the dogs ate the other!
Kitty Kowalski (Parker Posey): (looking at dog, still chewing) Weren't there two of those?
NC: Dammit, that's so dark, I kinda have no choice but to love it.
NC (vo): ...where he tells Kumar to test the power of the crystal on a model of the city.
This article is a stub. You can help Channel Awesome by expanding it.

P O S T C A T A L O G:

---

Coming Soon!