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    1. Spanner 8 yrs ago

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6 yrs ago
Ho, my writing is so advanced that people can't even see it. Literally the Emperor’s new clothes of collaborative writing.
2 likes
7 yrs ago
See ya next time.
2 likes
7 yrs ago
K.
1 like
7 yrs ago
@Grim excuse me? I know people in the 1x1 area that slept with 57 girls (auto-declared). They're also specialists in relationship studies.
3 likes
7 yrs ago
P.s. gotta love how my typo made the already fairly dank status even danker... Well, at least I ain't trying to be the side bar's white knight.
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@Lord Sawsaw2 Is something like that fine? May have forgotten to add something since I'm sort of occupied rn.


I'm adressing the comments individually because I just woke up and would probably mess things up otherwise it looks better like this.

<Snipped quote by Spanner>

Alright, suggestions and changes.
My biggest overall change for the Illusion magic would be to make it incomplete somehow so that even those who have been affected by it still have some way of fighting back against it, rather than the fight just straight up being over once it affects them. And no, the option of fighting with your eyes shut at all times is not an acceptable drawback, that's arguably even more debilitating.

My suggestion for a magic-wide drawback is that the illusions don't work in the very corner of people's visions (like the SEP field from Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy). Since most people won't know your magic is illusions, they won't know to look for it, but in a protracted fight it's possible for people to figure it out, particularly in your bigger and more grandiose illusions.


For an overall weakness, It's pretty hard to limit illusions like that since they have fairly different objectives and things like a general weakness hardly work. The closing eyes option was mentioned multiple times mostly because it is pretty much the simplest method, since all of his illusions are pretty much visual, but I can as well add the corner of eye weakness for the hiding aspect of wonderland and Chesire's Reality as a whole, since both specialize in making things unnoticeable, but for the ones based in projecting illusions I'd rather apply other weaknesses if necessary.

As for the individual skills, Jabberwocky is fine as long as you have to have physical contact to activate it on a person. Simply being able to point at someone and fully change their emotions to the point that they would cut down their allies is hella broken. In something that will be repeated later, I'd also suggest that if you lose line of sight to the individual in question, the effect ends, or if you move too far away from them it ends. 2 minutes is a hell of a long time with no counters, that's like a page and a half to two pages of text. Obviously I will be lenient with this when you're using it on NPCs.


I'm perfectly fine with having to use physicial contact to start it and have a distance restriction to maintain it active, just ain't sure about what would be the ideal range and would like to know your opinion about it. I can also reduce the duration of the technique if you feel it is necessary.

Wonderland is such a sweet idea, but at present it's also hilariously broken. As written, your wonderland could literally just put them in a .5m x .5m box so that they can't move, turn, or fight, and then you could just walk up to them and slit their throats. This needs to be changed to make it balanced either by making Seto and all his allies follow the rules of the Wonderland, making the wonderland only exist in a small diameter cone made up of Seto's field of vision (like 5m max), making illusory objects that are touched disappear (can still be played around by leaving objects in so that when they start walking through walls to make them disappear, they walk into actual walls/holes/trees/spikes because they don't believe they're real), or making it another targeted spell like Jabberwocky. I'm definitely open to more ideas from you about how to balance this, but be prepared for a reasonably strenuous vetting process for this to make sure it both works for you and is fair for everyone else.


I actually planned to make Wonderland's rules valid for everyone inside it's effective area, Seto included, from the very start. Would be awfully broken otherwise. Also, I'd like to mention that while the environment created is "solid" it also respects the affected person's mentality, making it so as long as they believe they can break something they'll be able to do so (e.g. as long as you can break a wall normally, you'll probably be able to break a tables in wonderland since you're certain that you're capable of breaking tables.). I originally planned to make it something fun to implement in conjunction to Seto's talking to make crazy scenes, like someone lifting a chair and he suddenly mentioning that its weight actually increases when out of the ground, making the person unconsciously believe that it is suddenly heavier, or watch some physically weak character trying to break a seemingly solid wall just to suddenly say it is made of jelly, instantly making them able to break through it. Kind of marvelously fits the character's theme and is undoubtedly pretty wonderland-ish, though it may be fairly troublesome to implement on pvp.

Is that fine for you or you'd preffer if I made it simpler to avoid confusion?

Moving on to the darkness magic. As canon magic, these are all approved of course, with the following stipulations.
- Dark Deflect can only affect pure magic spells, not things with physical components
- Dark Enveloping Claw can either be cast as a Trap (as I'll explain later to everyone) or as a two-post spell, giving the receiving party time to react to it being cast
- Dark Grab has the same secondary requirement, in that it allows the target to react to being attacked and potentially dodge or whatever
- Same with Darkness Breath

I say these only because the pages you referenced have them landing immediately as auto-immobilize attacks, which are inappropriate for a combat RP with potential inter-player combat.


I'm fine with all of this. No secondary comments here.

I hope I haven't been too harsh! Please let me know what you think of the changes and we can work on getting it all approved. Outside of the spell, your CS looks fantastic, so once the spells are done you'll be approved.


Not harsh at all. All of your worries were fairly justified and important for balancing after all, couldn't possibly be annoyed by that.

P.s. thank for the compliment~ I was actually fairly worried about quality since it is pretty much an adaptation of an old character and I kind of had some difficulty in rewriting stuff.
@Savo That's a bit more troublesome. Could as well make it anyway since they're in different guilds and people with similar personalities are bound to exist. Can even make a gag out of it if/when they meet eachother.
@Savo Similar magic or similar background?
So his memories of the time are wiped? Shame. Could've been interesting. I don't think Vega would go out of his way to dig up such a past either.


They aren't wiped, he just affirms he doesn't know shit about his past to avoid being misunderstood due to his previous identity. Since the dark guild he was part of isn't even near Fiore - after all, he did take years to get there - it works pretty well to make it seen like he appeared out of nowhere.
@Spanner I'm feeling a bit of overlap. I'll let you figure out where.

Although regarding the former Dark Mage status, Vega garnering the title of Reaper during his rampage in just wanting to perfect his magic put him in that category as well until he joined Golem Hand. Could be a thing for your character to note. Also while you're the top contender for S rank among all the A ranks, it's very arguable you stand at the top of them all. Vega's about ready to join S rank, if only he was more cooperative.


The top of the A rank can apply to pretty much any character who can contend to S rank though? It isn't meant to be taken as "the top A rank amongst the cast's characters" but rather a more general thing pointing out that he is a valid candidate for promotion.

As for his status as a Former Dark Mage overlaping with Vega... Well, he isn't really known to be one, since he affirms to lack any memories about his life before being found by Golem's Hand. Also, even before them he wasn't a dark mage because of his own criminal activities but rather because he was literally born inside a dark guild and trained by a dark mage since... Well, as soon as he learned magic.
Man at this rate Golem’s Hand might as well be called Gothic’s Edge lol


The magnificent guild where all the trouble children with daddy (or family, or mental tbh) issues collude. Sounds terribly accurate.


@Lord Sawsaw2 As promised, here's the last character for Golem's Hand. Still lacking some editions, since I kinda want to make the writing of the Bio in particular smoother and still got to add some things to his Darkness Magic (specifically Custom spells and customized descriptions for every Canon spell) but since he isn't using it until later in the RP I felt that it would be ok to leave it like this as of now.
Kamui Uzumaki


Konohagakure | Chūnin | Sleepy nin

TIME: A week after the funeral | LOCATION: Sunagakure - Outskirts | INTERACTION: Sakana Uragiri (@Odin) Shizuka Ichimi (@Syn) Date Watari(@Queentze) Chis "Black Dragon" (@BladeX)



Kamui couldn't help but flinch when Sakana suddenly grabbed his shoulder, instantly snapping out of his thoughtful state when faced by the other boy's unexpected action. "Seriously? Who the hell do you think I am?" The Uzumaki said with a grim expression, looking as if he was about to deliever bad news... For about a second, that is, just enough time for a surprisingly arrogant grin to form in his face - quite the sight when considering the normal character of the Uzumaki. "Who the fuck would need a pot? I can do it by myself." He uttered in a surprisingly confident tone, lacking any of the uncertainties felt up till now as he noticed how flawed his thought process was until then: He didn't need to fight the worm to start with, just get rid of it.

"I'll need you all to distract the worm thing while I position my clones. It may be a bit hard to make this work without all of them."He didn't even wait for his partners confirmation before executing his plan, forming four clones behind himself after a quick execution of the needed seals and quickly proceeded to direct each of them to circle the worm while the original body staid in the current position, ultimately making a pentagon shapped formation in conjunction with the clones. If successful in this attempt, he'd barely need a few seconds to start the sealing technique characteristic of his clan, and from there on, not even a minute would be needed for the worm to be out of the game.

Hikaru

Iwagakure | Chūnin | Explosion Addict

TIME: Present Day | LOCATION: Iwagakure - Rooftops | INTERACTION: @Reflection



Hikaru couldn't help but sigh loudly from his position over the rooftop of one of the relatively high buildings of Iwagakure, visibly deceptioned by the lack of movement around the area he was assigned to in despite of all the effort he had to position his explosive tags in a way that wouldn't cause many civil casualties - quite the inconsiderate act of the enemies, that decided to attack with a small elite force instead of making a large scale attack, leaving part of the village fairly isolated from the "fun" and ultimately boring Hikaru, who had been assigned to one of those areas, to death.

It didn't take that long for the situation to change though, for before he had the opportunity of complaining about his boredom, an unexpected voice ringed in his ears, triggering him into quicly brandishing his umbrella as a club towards the origin of the sound... Just to see his attack being quickly dodged by the foxy looking individual responsible for the unexpected comments, that continued to blabber without stopping, giving Hikaru more than enough time to get up and stretch himself.

"Is that all? Are you done trying to annoy me?" A surprisingly cold voice came out of the boy's mouth as the clone revealed the bloodstained scroll, offering it as a reward in case he won the fight. "If so, let me take the time to correct you." He said, stopping to stick his umbrella into the roof in a display of abnormal strength, since he didn't even have to take impulse to do so, and using the now free hand to push his messy hair back, stopping it from covering his forehead. "I actually do care for some people, just a selected few, sure,
but I do care a lot for those."
His eyes showed a dangerous sharpness as soon as he finished to speak, giving a hint at what was happening next: A sudden charge towards the fox, powered solely by his strength to demonstrate abnormal speed as he impulsioned his open right palm towards the fox head - no need to point out that even minor contact between the two would be potentialy dangerous for the foxy guy, since the open palm had more than enough chakra to trigger an explosion at contact.
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