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Sober me canβt dance for shit. Drunk me, on the other hand? π
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Merry Chrysler π
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2 mos ago
We're fucking cooked, dudes.
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2 mos ago
Moving multiple states away from my home town tomorrow, and it's all sinking in. Holy shit.
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3 mos ago
Beer is liquid bread. Pop-tarts are ravioli. Corn dogs are Popsicles. I will not be explaining.
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Having a panic attack? Try shaking your ass to the Mama Mia soundtrack instead.
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Bio
Haley β 24 β Taurus β EST β Casual Level Group Writer
Welcome fellow writer. I go by many names, but you can call me Haley or pretty much anything else. I stick to causal level groups here on the forum. I have a soft spot for thunderstorms, dark humor, strong coffee, animals, pretty words, feminine rage, mythologies, and all things that go 'bump' in the night. I've lived in the same small southern Appalachian town my whole life, and aim to travel one day. I'm open to the occasional random conversation, but please do not message me asking to write one-on-one; it's simply not something I do these days.
Most Recent Posts
I've been craving strawberries like a mad woman.
Put me in, coach.
After venting his feelings out to Miles, Carlisle felt somewhat cathartic. A wave of calming energy had overcome him, and for the first time inwer the past couple of weeks, he wasn't having to actively suppress his internal rage. This was progress. Good progress. But there was still someone else that he needed to talk to. He needed to clear the air with. Though he did wonder if Lilith was going to turn up, afterall, this wasn't her jam. He got that. It wasn't his either. He would rather be over by the council stones where things were quiet and peaceful. His place on the veranda was a halfway happy compromise.
He was pulled out of his contemplation when he was suddenly met with Caitlin out on the veranda with him. He knew he was supposed to have a serious conversation about the circumstances that had brought her back to the coven. But he couldnβt be arsed having that conversation right now. To make matters worse, she was practically offering him a joint.
βGiven the trouble you are in, do you really think that it is worth you going around carrying one of them out in the open, and then offering it to your new boss?β
"It's not like I got nailed on a DUI." Cait shrugged.
Carlisle let out a deep sigh, that wave of calm had now gone, and was replaced with rising anger once more. The sigh was his attempt to try and centre himself. βNot now Caitβ¦β
Cait shrugged a second time. "You do you, bro." She stepped further onto the veranda, taking another toke. Dude's gonna die from stress one of these days.
Looking into the crowd, Carlisle scanned and monitored, looking for that familiar hairstyle that belonged to Lilith. No matter how hard he looked he couldn't quite find her however. With a second sigh, he moved into the party pushing past Caitlin. The room was alot more crowded than he thought it would be. The loud music made it even harder for Carlisle to focus on who he was looking for. After a longer scan, he eventually locked onto Lilith at the drinks table and walked on over to her, standing next to her.
"I am glad I found you. Wanna bring the drink outside where it is a bit quieter"
After Grandpa John had woken her up, forced her to shower, made sure that she could walk in a straight line and drove her to the party - Lilith had finally arrived at the Coven House. Still ever so slightly tipsy from her whiskey bender only a few hours previous, Lilith quickly found the booze selection once she was in the house. Reaching for the closest bottle of Jose Cuervo she could find, Lilith blindly poured the contents from the glass bottle into her newly claimed solo cup. As she reached for the orange juice in the cooler beneath her, Lilith stood back up only to hear Carlisle's voice as she unscrewed the lid.
βCarlisle. Darling,β she began, fighting with the stupid plastic protective piece on top of the opening of the bottle as she spoke. βIβve had a long day. I really wanna get wasted.β Pouring just enough OJ for color into the cup, she sighed before sitting the juice back down on the table and screwing the top back on. βSo. Unless you can convince me that whatever conversation weβre about to have is more important than my liquor - Iβm standing right here.β
Carlisle let out a soft sigh. She had been drinking already. He really did do a number on her with his little act before. He picked up the bottle of Jose and the OJ bottle carefully balancing them in one arm, while he used his other arm to wrap around Lilith's waist and act as a guide as he moved her away from the crowd and towards the more peaceful areas of the room.
"I got all the drink you need, let's go to the table out on the veranda and get you some more drinks mixed" He knew giving her more drink at this point was not exactly the responsible thing to do. But she was an adult, and he trusted her not to go overboard with it. But he would rather be able to keep an eye on her. Taking them out onto the veranda, he found the metal table and set down the drinks on it before guiding Lilith to a seat. Once she was properly sat down, he would sit down himself. "I appreciate that I haven't exactly made the day any good for you. In fact - I am most likely the reason you are drinking right now" Carlisle took a long drink from his 'Wine' glass, needing courage to be able to say what he wanted to say later, even though the fake drink wouldn't do anything except make him go to the toilet later and piss out red urine.
Lilith wasnβt the sort of person that liked to be touched casually. With her current state of mind and the amounts of alcohol that were already running through her system, she didnβt have the strength to argue with Carlisle as he directed her onto the veranda. After all, he had just politely stolen all of Lilβs party supplies - and she did want those back.
Sitting across from him, Lilith sighed as she took another drink from her cup.
βWhy do you always think everything has to do with you, Carlisle? Do you know how much shit I have going on in my life right now? How much shit Iβve had going on for the last month?β As she rambled on, Lilithβs tone became increasingly frustrated. βNo. You donβt. Because you havenβt stopped long enough to care or listen. Youβre just suck in goddamn Carlton Town.β
Carlisle put the two bottles up onto the table, and made sure that Lilith could reach them. With a soft sigh he listens to her. He had a rough idea about what she was talking about. He hadn't had the time with preparing the coven for today, that he could have sat down and spoke to her properly.
"Well that is kind of the point I want to talk to you. I haven't exactly been a good friend the past few months. I know I have been selfish. I have been putting my needs above yours, and that's not how Friendships work." Carlisle let out a soft sigh, brushing his hands through his head. "Also, you were right. That book you told me not to touch. Turns out it was cursed. Apparently I am under the effects of some kind of Lycan curse"
Listening to Carlisle speak, Lilith continued to sip on her drink and focus on the bass of the music softly thudding beneath her feet. She would have happily accepted his apology, and might have even let him off fairly easily - had it not been for the final thing he had said.
βI know Iβm right,β Lilith retorted harshly. βWhen have I never not been right,β she questioned him. βYouβve gone and fucked yourself up, Carlisle. Do you have any fucking clue how many different possibilities there are for the shit that could be going on with you right now? How many Lycan curses there are in existence? Do you even know how to fight one? Or how long youβve been cursed? Youβre so fucking stupid sometimes, I swear.β
Reaching into the pocket of her skirt, Lilith pulled out a zip-lock bag, and promptly removed a blunt from the bag before lighting it. Taking a long drag, Lilith sighed once more.
βYou really frustrate me, ya know that,β she continued, blowing smoke out through her nose like some sort of pissed off dragon. βI literally had a whole ass vision about you not touching that stupid book, told you about it, and you completely ignored my warnings. What kind of person ignores a diviner's visions?β Reaching for the bottle of tequila with her free hand, Lilith didnβt bother to mix her next drink and instead chose to drink directly from the bottle.
βI care about you. I donβt tell you not to do things because I donβt want you to have fun, Carlisle. Youβre reckless. You donβt think. You get yourself hurt - constantly. And usually I donβt mind picking up the pieces, but sometimes I think that I just need to leave you in the holes you dig for yourself.β
Carlisle couldn't hide the fact that he was hurt by her words. Words like stupid stung deeply more than he wanted to admit. But she was right. Carlisle was reckless. He always thought he was being helpful βIβ¦.Iβ¦.Iβ he stuttered, struggling to put her sentences together. βI wanted to read the book because I thought it might help me understand your situation better. Thought it might have helped me find a way to be useful. I didnβt stop to think that the curse might be real.β
βI should have listened. And now I have to try and shake this curse. I will do it on my own. Donβt worry. I will give you the time you need to unwind.β With a soft smile he looked at Lilith taking a drag from her joint. Moments ago he had admonished Caitlin for having one, but around Lil, he didnβt seem to care at all. βAnd about this morning, and what I was going to say. Donβt worry bout it. I shouldnβt have tried to say it. Canβt even be a good friend, what chance do I have of being a decent boyfriend huh?β He said with a self-deprecating chuckle.
Continuing to drink and smoke, Lilith listened to Carlisle as she rolled her eyes during the right moments. She had all but tuned him out before he steered the conversation back in the direction of this morning's events. Mid drink, Lilith choked on the tequila as Carlisle uttered the βb-wordβ.
βSo that is what you were going for this morning,β she thought aloud, her brow furrowed. βNot a good idea,β she simply stated. βLast few months aside or not - justβ¦ Iβ¦ me, youβ¦β
Flopping her head back in frustration, Lilith stared at the stars as she finished speaking.
βIβm not good with these things, Carlisle. And I really donβt want to hurt your feelings. And I really donβt like or understand the concept ofβ¦. All that.β
While Lilith did not want to hurt his feelings, he certainly felt hurt. But it was hurt that he deserved. He had some work to do. He had some introspection to do. Still, that sinking feeling was opening up inside the bowels of his stomach. He took a long drink from his glass. The last part of her sentence was still hanging into him like a barbed fish hook. He was resisting the urge to say something. Something nuclear. Pushing it deep inside him. But as he focused on that, the anger and frustration from the curse was pushing it forward. Sadly, the curse won.
βDonβt understand the concept of boyfriends, yet was all too quick to have a boyfriend with Milesβ He said, venom dripping slightly from his lips. Carlisle quickly regained his composure, burying his head in his hands. βFuckβ¦ that wasnβt me speaking. It's the curse. It keeps taking control of my emotional insecurityβ Above them, the barrier over the sky flickered once more.
A short, sarcastic laugh creeped up on Lil, forcing its way out of her mouth before she pressed the bottle to her lips once more. Smacking her tongue against her teeth, Lilith looked at Carlisle with a cold expression.
βYouβre honestly holding something against me that I did years ago? How on fucking earth are any of my past or current relationships ANY of your business?β she sneered, nearly slamming the bottle on the table as she leaned forward. Crossing her arms she added: βOh please. Do continue. After all - curse or not, you have some things to get off of your chest right? Your stupid, petty, childish jealousy over some guy I had a thing with years ago?β
Taking a deep breath, Lilith took one final, long drag from her blunt before throwing it on the concrete and stomping it out with her boot. Leaning back in the chair so that it was teetering on the back two legs, Lilith placed her feet on the table and crossed her ankles before speaking once again.
βTell me, Carlisle -β she spoke venomously, her eyes flicking back upwards to meet him. βDoes his mere presence threaten you that much?β
Carlisle had alot on his chest. That was for sure. Miles was his friend, best friend even. But Miles also had plenty of things that Carlisle did not have. So yeah. Jealous. That was how he felt most of the time. Shifting and squirming uncomfortably he tried at first to avoid her gaze, before finally settling himself and speaking.
"Honestly. At times it does" There. He had verbalised his complicated relationship with Miles. Didn't exactly make him feel any better. "Here is the thing. Miles is really nice. But, when it comes to girls⦠it gets complicated." Shifting in his seat once more, Carlisle tried to lower his gaze away from Lilith, but her sheer venomous aura was almost locking his eyes to hers. " Throughout senior year and College, I would find girls I liked, then go to Miles for advice, and Miles would then sleep with them and take them from me. Everytime he would come up with another excuse as to why he had to do it. 'Oh Carlisle, you wouldn't be compatible with her. Oh she wasn't that good in bed, I am doing you a favour' "
Carlisle was struggling to hold his emotions together, a small tear escaped from his left eye, clearly this was a sore subject for him. "Coming back to Tanner and spending the last two years with you. It's been like, the best. I know you don't have the same feelings as I do, but you are amazing." As panic set in, his voice began to get faster and faster bordering on hyperventilating. "And now he is back. And history will repeat itself. I already told him that I like you. So he is probably going to swoop in and take you away from me too. The edges of Carlisle's body had began to nervously shake. Taking a few deep breaths to recompose himself, Carlisle drew a long sigh "I want my turn. I am fed up with Miles threatening any relations I have with amazing women. This is worth fighting for. If I have to start changing my ways to be within a chance, then change I will. I can't promise it will be an immediate change though. But I will work on it. And I will succeed" If Lilith was using her empath abilities to read Carlisle then he was telling the truth. There were years of hurt buried under his words: nights being forced to sit in the college dorm corridor while Miles 'entertained' another girl. All the excuses that came after. And there was a determination in his soul now. Lilith was worth fighting for.
The brunette sat there staring at him, listening as he spoke. Lilith knew that Carlisle was being genuine, but part of her didnβt care - because she didnβt want him to care. All in all she was confused and just pissed off - mostly because of the vibe coming from inside the house that she was so desperately trying to ignore. Lilith didnβt know what was going on in there, but she sure did plan on avoiding it. The downside to Lilithβs empathy was that other people's emotions around her sometimes affected hers, especially when she was so wasted.
βYouβll βchangeβ? Carlisle, you shouldnβt have to want or need to change for anyone. Thatβs just being toxic to yourself.β Reaching forward to grab the bottle of tequila once more, Lilith kept her legs crossed on the table as she spoke between drinks. βYour turn,β she mused, staring at the golden liquid now as it sloshed around. βAs if Iβm just some prize that you can both win at the county fair and pass around? A child that you can share custody of? Your turn? Fuckinβ spare me.β
As she spoke, Lilithβs southern accent came out more and more. Angry and drunk, she removed her feet from the table and let the chair fall back properly on the ground before standing. Bottle still in hand, she slid the chair back under the table with force as she grumbled: βAnd to think that he actually defended you to me of all people. That should tell me all that I need to know about both of your characters, hm?β Scoffing, she pressed the bottle to her lips, looking him up and down with an expression that could only be described as disgust.
While Lilith was a tad angry at Carlisle, it was really the whole entire principal of the larger picture that had her so irate.
βIβm not someones fucking possesion,β she cried out, her knuckles white as she continued grabbing on to the tequila. Standing with her free hand on the back of the chair, Lilith was doing the best that she could not to sway or slur her speech.
"I didn't mean it like thatβ¦" Carlisle quickly defended. It was becoming clear that Carlisle was in a lose/lose situation. Any attempt at trying to fix this only seemed to make it worse. "I wasn't trying to say that you were a possession. It was more my frustration at the situation in general. Not you" Carlisle drew a long breath. It wasn't easy trying to sort through the absolute mess that was his emotions.
"Don't blame Miles for anything. It wasn't his fault. It's all mine. He actually gave me advice to try and 'woo' you for a lack of a better word." He ran his hands through his hair. A nervous tenancy he seemed to do to give away his distress. " If anything it is just a bad reflection on my character. I was desperate. And in the process of trying to be selfish I ended up pushing everyone close to me away. Good one Carlisle. I am going to turn into my mother. I can feel it" With one more sigh he took the final drink from his 'drink'. Right now he kinda wished he had done alcohol.
"Miles has matured a bit over the past few months. More than I have, that's for sure. And it would be stupid for me to try and block you two getting together. I know he misses you. And then I dumped on him my feelings for you. No. I should just stand aside. You do what you need to do." Carlisle was hurting, he could feel a lump forming in throat as he spoke those words. He didn't know want to do. What to say, to make any of this right.
" I guess it's the pressure of it all. Miles and Serena coming back at the same time makes me feel like I am trying to fight too many battles at the same time. And what if I lose them all? What if by the end of all this, I end up exactly how my mother said I would be? It scares me." Carlisle broke into a nervous chuckle, trying to disguise his hurt. He was sitting across the table from one of the world's strongest empaths, but he was going to try nonetheless. " Ignore me, I am just wallowing. Go, go enjoy the party, do what you need to do. And whatever happens, I am okay with it. Promise" He finished, giving off a broken smile.
What I need to do is find the pause button for this bullshit, she thought, standing there as she let him speak his piece. Caught between wanting to console him or sending him to the Shadow Realm, Lilith sighed and took another drink before she spoke.
βIf you keep on goinβ like youβre goinβ youβre sure as hell gonna prove βem all right,β she stated matter of factly. βI always knew you had feelings for me - or at least had my suspicions. I just ignored them. Always tried not to read my friends. Itβs not fair to always know if Iβm being lied to or not. Sometimes I just want to be a dumb, naive little girl,β she sighed, taking yet another drink. βI never asked you about it because Iβm selfish. Because I wanted my friend. Itβs not that I didnβt or donβt want to feel the same about you, it's justβ¦.β Releasing her grip on the back of the chair, Lilith waved her hands wildly in front of her for a brief moment in frustration.
Resteading herself, the young woman looked over at him once again.
βKiss me,β she blurted out. βWe both know you want to. It's the only way Iβm ever going to know if I feel the same, and Iβm drunk off my ass anyway so justβ¦ kiss me.β
Carlisle sat there for a moment stunned. It took him a moment for him to register what she was implying. He got what he wanted right? So why was he hesitating now? Was it the fact that she was drunk? Did he feel like he was taking advantage of her? Possibly. But he wasn't going to get another chance like this. At all. Ever. He had to take it.
If he was really going to do this. He had to do it right. But what exactly was right? After all, this was his first kiss. Okay⦠Go with your gut right?. He would grab hold of her hand from across the table and stand her up, guiding her around the table so she was in front of him. All the while making sure that he was gentle with his touch. That was important to him. Once she was in front of him, he sat back down and pulled her down to sit on his knees. His brain was telling him this was the most romantic thing to do.
With a deep breath, he closed his eyes and finally made his move. Leaning in he softly and gently planted his lips onto hers, wrapping his arms around her and raising one to grab her hair from the behind. His heart rate at this point was off the charts. It felt nice. Peace was restored in the universe. Wasn't sure he was doing it right, but for a first attempt this wasn't bad surely? Do you use tongues In a kiss? Carlisle decided not to press his luck and broke away after five or so seconds. Letting go of the back of her hair he opened his eyes and took a content sigh, looking up at her. The sunlight from the setting sun bounced off her hair perfectly. Was he alive right now?
Lilith allowed Carlisle to take the lead, doing her best not to make things more awkward than she already had. As Carlisle kissed her, a thousand thoughts ran through her mind. Was this wrong? Was this going to ruin their friendship no matter which way it went? Pushing the thoughts out of her mind, Lilith did what she could to focus on the fact that Carlisleβs lips were pressed against hers.
Once things had come to an end, Lilith quickly stood up and cleared her throat before taking the final drink of Tequila.
Avoiding all eye contact with Carlisle, Lilith moved to light another blunt as she grabbed the baggie from the table. Striking the lighter, she felt her face burning red, her eyes hot. Sure that Carlisle was waiting on some sort of response, the young woman sighed. Frustrated once more, she took a few puffs before speaking.
βNo dice,β she grumbled. Still standing, Lilith crossed her arms as she stared through the back door of the Coven House to where the rest of the party was going on. Quickly wiping away a single, angry tear, Lilith took a deep breath as she tried to keep her hands from shaking.
βIβ¦ Nothing,β she said with a shrug. βIt wasnβt a bad kiss, Car, I justβ¦ I donβt feel that way about you. I have love for you - as my friend - but Iβm not going to be in love with you. Iβm sorry.β
Carlisle watched as Lilith walked away. Every second that she didn't say anything felt like an eternity. Had he done something wrong? He must have done. He must have forgotten what Miles had told him to do. What was he going to do now? Eventually Lilith broke the silence. It was his worse nightmare come true. He couldn't see Lilith right now, and perhaps that was for the best. A stream of hot tears flowed down his face, corning two straight streams of tears. He did his best to suppress making any noise.
"I.. I.. Noβ¦ I.. Noβ¦. I.." Words were failing him. The deep breaths were starting to become faster and faster. Upset, betrayal, sadness, confusion, anger. His emotions were cycling through so many states he could quite contain them all. Standing up, Carlisle brushed his shirt across his nose, wiping away the snot that was starting to appear.
He would walk past Lilith, not evening stopping to look at her. "It's fine. As you said. No dice. Run along. I am sure your 'prince' is somewhere inside that room" He said, his words laced with equal parts sadness and malice. Clearly he had no control over his emotions right now. With that he took a few more steps away, avoiding eye contact with her at all cost.
ββRun along?ββ she growled. βWho the fuck do you think you are, Carlisle Aston? What gives you the right to speak to me the way you have the last few weeks, hm? βIβm so worried about losing my friendsββ she mocked him, clearly not giving a shit about what was flying out of her mouth as her mental filter disappeared. βFor someone whoβs so worried about making the wrong decisions, you sure do keep on fucking up, my guy!β
Taking another drag, she shook her head, looking at her feet before she looked back up to stare daggers at the back of his head. Arms outstretched in defeat, Lilith shouted once more. βI mean - what do you want me to do? Lie to you? Because I could, Carlisle. I could lie and be a bitch and use you, but Iβm choosing to be honest. I am choosing to be the good person here and you just keep stooping lower and lower.β A single finger now pointed in his direction, she fought back the angry tears threatening to roll down her face. βIf you wanna keep fucking disrespecting me, so help me, Iβll beat the fucking gentleman back into you.β
Carlisle stopped. He shouldn't have taken the bait. He wanted to keep her as a friend. He should keep walking away. But no. He turned around. "Oh no. Heaven forbid I treat you badly. The past two years. Two years, I did everything to make your life better. I wanted to make your life better. I loved you. But clearly that means nothing. Cause Fucking Miles is back on the scene and you will go running back to him. Well you know what Lilith. Fuck you, and fuck him" With that Carlisle turned around, giving Lilith one last flip of the middle finger before running off towards the Alchemy lab.
While Lilith might have been trying to be the bigger person, she also liked to have the last word in any situation. Carlisle had no right to speak to her the way that he had been. Friends didnβt treat friends this way, and people who βlovedβ you damn sure didnβt.
βMake my life better,β she shrieked, reaching for the empty bottle on the table as he turned away from her once again. βAll I ever have to do is look after your stupid ass!β
With the final word being said, Lilith slung the bottle - aiming for the back of Carliles head.
Carlisle was walking away and was suddenly smacked in the back of the head by something. He let out a howl of pain and fell forward, the impact knocking off his balance as he fell face first into the patio, once again his nose smashing into the wooden floor and shattering for the second time for the day. "FUCK!" The pain was overwhelming. With a whimper he lay there for a moment, not getting up as the tequila bottle rolled infront of him, the edge of it coated in a red liquid. His blood. Carlisle just began to cry out loud lying there on the veranda.
Seeing her friend in pain allowed the tears to freefall down Lils face. She knew what she was doing by throwing the bottle, but that didnβt mean that a small part of her didnβt regret it; and if there was one thing Lilith had learned from growing up around a plethora of men - sometimes they just couldnβt take the hint until it literally hit them in the face. So there they stood. Well, she stood. Carlisle was on the ground crying like a child.
βNo,β she spoke, slowly walking over to him to pick up the larger pieces of the broken bottle. βFuck you. I havenβt even really spoken to Miles and youβre already acting like a fuckingβ¦ a bitch. An absolute bitch, Carlisle. Quite frankly, worse than any woman I have ever encountered in my existence. Imagine what would happen if we actually did get back together. Jesus fuck.β Glass now in hand, Lilith stood up as she sighed once again, opening the screen door as she stepped inside. One foot still on the veranda, she looked down at him again.
βI hope this gives you some time to reflect. When youβre ready to be my friend again - then weβll talk.β
He was pulled out of his contemplation when he was suddenly met with Caitlin out on the veranda with him. He knew he was supposed to have a serious conversation about the circumstances that had brought her back to the coven. But he couldnβt be arsed having that conversation right now. To make matters worse, she was practically offering him a joint.
βGiven the trouble you are in, do you really think that it is worth you going around carrying one of them out in the open, and then offering it to your new boss?β
"It's not like I got nailed on a DUI." Cait shrugged.
Carlisle let out a deep sigh, that wave of calm had now gone, and was replaced with rising anger once more. The sigh was his attempt to try and centre himself. βNot now Caitβ¦β
Cait shrugged a second time. "You do you, bro." She stepped further onto the veranda, taking another toke. Dude's gonna die from stress one of these days.
Looking into the crowd, Carlisle scanned and monitored, looking for that familiar hairstyle that belonged to Lilith. No matter how hard he looked he couldn't quite find her however. With a second sigh, he moved into the party pushing past Caitlin. The room was alot more crowded than he thought it would be. The loud music made it even harder for Carlisle to focus on who he was looking for. After a longer scan, he eventually locked onto Lilith at the drinks table and walked on over to her, standing next to her.
"I am glad I found you. Wanna bring the drink outside where it is a bit quieter"
After Grandpa John had woken her up, forced her to shower, made sure that she could walk in a straight line and drove her to the party - Lilith had finally arrived at the Coven House. Still ever so slightly tipsy from her whiskey bender only a few hours previous, Lilith quickly found the booze selection once she was in the house. Reaching for the closest bottle of Jose Cuervo she could find, Lilith blindly poured the contents from the glass bottle into her newly claimed solo cup. As she reached for the orange juice in the cooler beneath her, Lilith stood back up only to hear Carlisle's voice as she unscrewed the lid.
βCarlisle. Darling,β she began, fighting with the stupid plastic protective piece on top of the opening of the bottle as she spoke. βIβve had a long day. I really wanna get wasted.β Pouring just enough OJ for color into the cup, she sighed before sitting the juice back down on the table and screwing the top back on. βSo. Unless you can convince me that whatever conversation weβre about to have is more important than my liquor - Iβm standing right here.β
Carlisle let out a soft sigh. She had been drinking already. He really did do a number on her with his little act before. He picked up the bottle of Jose and the OJ bottle carefully balancing them in one arm, while he used his other arm to wrap around Lilith's waist and act as a guide as he moved her away from the crowd and towards the more peaceful areas of the room.
"I got all the drink you need, let's go to the table out on the veranda and get you some more drinks mixed" He knew giving her more drink at this point was not exactly the responsible thing to do. But she was an adult, and he trusted her not to go overboard with it. But he would rather be able to keep an eye on her. Taking them out onto the veranda, he found the metal table and set down the drinks on it before guiding Lilith to a seat. Once she was properly sat down, he would sit down himself. "I appreciate that I haven't exactly made the day any good for you. In fact - I am most likely the reason you are drinking right now" Carlisle took a long drink from his 'Wine' glass, needing courage to be able to say what he wanted to say later, even though the fake drink wouldn't do anything except make him go to the toilet later and piss out red urine.
Lilith wasnβt the sort of person that liked to be touched casually. With her current state of mind and the amounts of alcohol that were already running through her system, she didnβt have the strength to argue with Carlisle as he directed her onto the veranda. After all, he had just politely stolen all of Lilβs party supplies - and she did want those back.
Sitting across from him, Lilith sighed as she took another drink from her cup.
βWhy do you always think everything has to do with you, Carlisle? Do you know how much shit I have going on in my life right now? How much shit Iβve had going on for the last month?β As she rambled on, Lilithβs tone became increasingly frustrated. βNo. You donβt. Because you havenβt stopped long enough to care or listen. Youβre just suck in goddamn Carlton Town.β
Carlisle put the two bottles up onto the table, and made sure that Lilith could reach them. With a soft sigh he listens to her. He had a rough idea about what she was talking about. He hadn't had the time with preparing the coven for today, that he could have sat down and spoke to her properly.
"Well that is kind of the point I want to talk to you. I haven't exactly been a good friend the past few months. I know I have been selfish. I have been putting my needs above yours, and that's not how Friendships work." Carlisle let out a soft sigh, brushing his hands through his head. "Also, you were right. That book you told me not to touch. Turns out it was cursed. Apparently I am under the effects of some kind of Lycan curse"
Listening to Carlisle speak, Lilith continued to sip on her drink and focus on the bass of the music softly thudding beneath her feet. She would have happily accepted his apology, and might have even let him off fairly easily - had it not been for the final thing he had said.
βI know Iβm right,β Lilith retorted harshly. βWhen have I never not been right,β she questioned him. βYouβve gone and fucked yourself up, Carlisle. Do you have any fucking clue how many different possibilities there are for the shit that could be going on with you right now? How many Lycan curses there are in existence? Do you even know how to fight one? Or how long youβve been cursed? Youβre so fucking stupid sometimes, I swear.β
Reaching into the pocket of her skirt, Lilith pulled out a zip-lock bag, and promptly removed a blunt from the bag before lighting it. Taking a long drag, Lilith sighed once more.
βYou really frustrate me, ya know that,β she continued, blowing smoke out through her nose like some sort of pissed off dragon. βI literally had a whole ass vision about you not touching that stupid book, told you about it, and you completely ignored my warnings. What kind of person ignores a diviner's visions?β Reaching for the bottle of tequila with her free hand, Lilith didnβt bother to mix her next drink and instead chose to drink directly from the bottle.
βI care about you. I donβt tell you not to do things because I donβt want you to have fun, Carlisle. Youβre reckless. You donβt think. You get yourself hurt - constantly. And usually I donβt mind picking up the pieces, but sometimes I think that I just need to leave you in the holes you dig for yourself.β
Carlisle couldn't hide the fact that he was hurt by her words. Words like stupid stung deeply more than he wanted to admit. But she was right. Carlisle was reckless. He always thought he was being helpful βIβ¦.Iβ¦.Iβ he stuttered, struggling to put her sentences together. βI wanted to read the book because I thought it might help me understand your situation better. Thought it might have helped me find a way to be useful. I didnβt stop to think that the curse might be real.β
βI should have listened. And now I have to try and shake this curse. I will do it on my own. Donβt worry. I will give you the time you need to unwind.β With a soft smile he looked at Lilith taking a drag from her joint. Moments ago he had admonished Caitlin for having one, but around Lil, he didnβt seem to care at all. βAnd about this morning, and what I was going to say. Donβt worry bout it. I shouldnβt have tried to say it. Canβt even be a good friend, what chance do I have of being a decent boyfriend huh?β He said with a self-deprecating chuckle.
Continuing to drink and smoke, Lilith listened to Carlisle as she rolled her eyes during the right moments. She had all but tuned him out before he steered the conversation back in the direction of this morning's events. Mid drink, Lilith choked on the tequila as Carlisle uttered the βb-wordβ.
βSo that is what you were going for this morning,β she thought aloud, her brow furrowed. βNot a good idea,β she simply stated. βLast few months aside or not - justβ¦ Iβ¦ me, youβ¦β
Flopping her head back in frustration, Lilith stared at the stars as she finished speaking.
βIβm not good with these things, Carlisle. And I really donβt want to hurt your feelings. And I really donβt like or understand the concept ofβ¦. All that.β
While Lilith did not want to hurt his feelings, he certainly felt hurt. But it was hurt that he deserved. He had some work to do. He had some introspection to do. Still, that sinking feeling was opening up inside the bowels of his stomach. He took a long drink from his glass. The last part of her sentence was still hanging into him like a barbed fish hook. He was resisting the urge to say something. Something nuclear. Pushing it deep inside him. But as he focused on that, the anger and frustration from the curse was pushing it forward. Sadly, the curse won.
βDonβt understand the concept of boyfriends, yet was all too quick to have a boyfriend with Milesβ He said, venom dripping slightly from his lips. Carlisle quickly regained his composure, burying his head in his hands. βFuckβ¦ that wasnβt me speaking. It's the curse. It keeps taking control of my emotional insecurityβ Above them, the barrier over the sky flickered once more.
A short, sarcastic laugh creeped up on Lil, forcing its way out of her mouth before she pressed the bottle to her lips once more. Smacking her tongue against her teeth, Lilith looked at Carlisle with a cold expression.
βYouβre honestly holding something against me that I did years ago? How on fucking earth are any of my past or current relationships ANY of your business?β she sneered, nearly slamming the bottle on the table as she leaned forward. Crossing her arms she added: βOh please. Do continue. After all - curse or not, you have some things to get off of your chest right? Your stupid, petty, childish jealousy over some guy I had a thing with years ago?β
Taking a deep breath, Lilith took one final, long drag from her blunt before throwing it on the concrete and stomping it out with her boot. Leaning back in the chair so that it was teetering on the back two legs, Lilith placed her feet on the table and crossed her ankles before speaking once again.
βTell me, Carlisle -β she spoke venomously, her eyes flicking back upwards to meet him. βDoes his mere presence threaten you that much?β
Carlisle had alot on his chest. That was for sure. Miles was his friend, best friend even. But Miles also had plenty of things that Carlisle did not have. So yeah. Jealous. That was how he felt most of the time. Shifting and squirming uncomfortably he tried at first to avoid her gaze, before finally settling himself and speaking.
"Honestly. At times it does" There. He had verbalised his complicated relationship with Miles. Didn't exactly make him feel any better. "Here is the thing. Miles is really nice. But, when it comes to girls⦠it gets complicated." Shifting in his seat once more, Carlisle tried to lower his gaze away from Lilith, but her sheer venomous aura was almost locking his eyes to hers. " Throughout senior year and College, I would find girls I liked, then go to Miles for advice, and Miles would then sleep with them and take them from me. Everytime he would come up with another excuse as to why he had to do it. 'Oh Carlisle, you wouldn't be compatible with her. Oh she wasn't that good in bed, I am doing you a favour' "
Carlisle was struggling to hold his emotions together, a small tear escaped from his left eye, clearly this was a sore subject for him. "Coming back to Tanner and spending the last two years with you. It's been like, the best. I know you don't have the same feelings as I do, but you are amazing." As panic set in, his voice began to get faster and faster bordering on hyperventilating. "And now he is back. And history will repeat itself. I already told him that I like you. So he is probably going to swoop in and take you away from me too. The edges of Carlisle's body had began to nervously shake. Taking a few deep breaths to recompose himself, Carlisle drew a long sigh "I want my turn. I am fed up with Miles threatening any relations I have with amazing women. This is worth fighting for. If I have to start changing my ways to be within a chance, then change I will. I can't promise it will be an immediate change though. But I will work on it. And I will succeed" If Lilith was using her empath abilities to read Carlisle then he was telling the truth. There were years of hurt buried under his words: nights being forced to sit in the college dorm corridor while Miles 'entertained' another girl. All the excuses that came after. And there was a determination in his soul now. Lilith was worth fighting for.
The brunette sat there staring at him, listening as he spoke. Lilith knew that Carlisle was being genuine, but part of her didnβt care - because she didnβt want him to care. All in all she was confused and just pissed off - mostly because of the vibe coming from inside the house that she was so desperately trying to ignore. Lilith didnβt know what was going on in there, but she sure did plan on avoiding it. The downside to Lilithβs empathy was that other people's emotions around her sometimes affected hers, especially when she was so wasted.
βYouβll βchangeβ? Carlisle, you shouldnβt have to want or need to change for anyone. Thatβs just being toxic to yourself.β Reaching forward to grab the bottle of tequila once more, Lilith kept her legs crossed on the table as she spoke between drinks. βYour turn,β she mused, staring at the golden liquid now as it sloshed around. βAs if Iβm just some prize that you can both win at the county fair and pass around? A child that you can share custody of? Your turn? Fuckinβ spare me.β
As she spoke, Lilithβs southern accent came out more and more. Angry and drunk, she removed her feet from the table and let the chair fall back properly on the ground before standing. Bottle still in hand, she slid the chair back under the table with force as she grumbled: βAnd to think that he actually defended you to me of all people. That should tell me all that I need to know about both of your characters, hm?β Scoffing, she pressed the bottle to her lips, looking him up and down with an expression that could only be described as disgust.
While Lilith was a tad angry at Carlisle, it was really the whole entire principal of the larger picture that had her so irate.
βIβm not someones fucking possesion,β she cried out, her knuckles white as she continued grabbing on to the tequila. Standing with her free hand on the back of the chair, Lilith was doing the best that she could not to sway or slur her speech.
"I didn't mean it like thatβ¦" Carlisle quickly defended. It was becoming clear that Carlisle was in a lose/lose situation. Any attempt at trying to fix this only seemed to make it worse. "I wasn't trying to say that you were a possession. It was more my frustration at the situation in general. Not you" Carlisle drew a long breath. It wasn't easy trying to sort through the absolute mess that was his emotions.
"Don't blame Miles for anything. It wasn't his fault. It's all mine. He actually gave me advice to try and 'woo' you for a lack of a better word." He ran his hands through his hair. A nervous tenancy he seemed to do to give away his distress. " If anything it is just a bad reflection on my character. I was desperate. And in the process of trying to be selfish I ended up pushing everyone close to me away. Good one Carlisle. I am going to turn into my mother. I can feel it" With one more sigh he took the final drink from his 'drink'. Right now he kinda wished he had done alcohol.
"Miles has matured a bit over the past few months. More than I have, that's for sure. And it would be stupid for me to try and block you two getting together. I know he misses you. And then I dumped on him my feelings for you. No. I should just stand aside. You do what you need to do." Carlisle was hurting, he could feel a lump forming in throat as he spoke those words. He didn't know want to do. What to say, to make any of this right.
" I guess it's the pressure of it all. Miles and Serena coming back at the same time makes me feel like I am trying to fight too many battles at the same time. And what if I lose them all? What if by the end of all this, I end up exactly how my mother said I would be? It scares me." Carlisle broke into a nervous chuckle, trying to disguise his hurt. He was sitting across the table from one of the world's strongest empaths, but he was going to try nonetheless. " Ignore me, I am just wallowing. Go, go enjoy the party, do what you need to do. And whatever happens, I am okay with it. Promise" He finished, giving off a broken smile.
What I need to do is find the pause button for this bullshit, she thought, standing there as she let him speak his piece. Caught between wanting to console him or sending him to the Shadow Realm, Lilith sighed and took another drink before she spoke.
βIf you keep on goinβ like youβre goinβ youβre sure as hell gonna prove βem all right,β she stated matter of factly. βI always knew you had feelings for me - or at least had my suspicions. I just ignored them. Always tried not to read my friends. Itβs not fair to always know if Iβm being lied to or not. Sometimes I just want to be a dumb, naive little girl,β she sighed, taking yet another drink. βI never asked you about it because Iβm selfish. Because I wanted my friend. Itβs not that I didnβt or donβt want to feel the same about you, it's justβ¦.β Releasing her grip on the back of the chair, Lilith waved her hands wildly in front of her for a brief moment in frustration.
Resteading herself, the young woman looked over at him once again.
βKiss me,β she blurted out. βWe both know you want to. It's the only way Iβm ever going to know if I feel the same, and Iβm drunk off my ass anyway so justβ¦ kiss me.β
Carlisle sat there for a moment stunned. It took him a moment for him to register what she was implying. He got what he wanted right? So why was he hesitating now? Was it the fact that she was drunk? Did he feel like he was taking advantage of her? Possibly. But he wasn't going to get another chance like this. At all. Ever. He had to take it.
If he was really going to do this. He had to do it right. But what exactly was right? After all, this was his first kiss. Okay⦠Go with your gut right?. He would grab hold of her hand from across the table and stand her up, guiding her around the table so she was in front of him. All the while making sure that he was gentle with his touch. That was important to him. Once she was in front of him, he sat back down and pulled her down to sit on his knees. His brain was telling him this was the most romantic thing to do.
With a deep breath, he closed his eyes and finally made his move. Leaning in he softly and gently planted his lips onto hers, wrapping his arms around her and raising one to grab her hair from the behind. His heart rate at this point was off the charts. It felt nice. Peace was restored in the universe. Wasn't sure he was doing it right, but for a first attempt this wasn't bad surely? Do you use tongues In a kiss? Carlisle decided not to press his luck and broke away after five or so seconds. Letting go of the back of her hair he opened his eyes and took a content sigh, looking up at her. The sunlight from the setting sun bounced off her hair perfectly. Was he alive right now?
Lilith allowed Carlisle to take the lead, doing her best not to make things more awkward than she already had. As Carlisle kissed her, a thousand thoughts ran through her mind. Was this wrong? Was this going to ruin their friendship no matter which way it went? Pushing the thoughts out of her mind, Lilith did what she could to focus on the fact that Carlisleβs lips were pressed against hers.
Once things had come to an end, Lilith quickly stood up and cleared her throat before taking the final drink of Tequila.
Avoiding all eye contact with Carlisle, Lilith moved to light another blunt as she grabbed the baggie from the table. Striking the lighter, she felt her face burning red, her eyes hot. Sure that Carlisle was waiting on some sort of response, the young woman sighed. Frustrated once more, she took a few puffs before speaking.
βNo dice,β she grumbled. Still standing, Lilith crossed her arms as she stared through the back door of the Coven House to where the rest of the party was going on. Quickly wiping away a single, angry tear, Lilith took a deep breath as she tried to keep her hands from shaking.
βIβ¦ Nothing,β she said with a shrug. βIt wasnβt a bad kiss, Car, I justβ¦ I donβt feel that way about you. I have love for you - as my friend - but Iβm not going to be in love with you. Iβm sorry.β
Carlisle watched as Lilith walked away. Every second that she didn't say anything felt like an eternity. Had he done something wrong? He must have done. He must have forgotten what Miles had told him to do. What was he going to do now? Eventually Lilith broke the silence. It was his worse nightmare come true. He couldn't see Lilith right now, and perhaps that was for the best. A stream of hot tears flowed down his face, corning two straight streams of tears. He did his best to suppress making any noise.
"I.. I.. Noβ¦ I.. Noβ¦. I.." Words were failing him. The deep breaths were starting to become faster and faster. Upset, betrayal, sadness, confusion, anger. His emotions were cycling through so many states he could quite contain them all. Standing up, Carlisle brushed his shirt across his nose, wiping away the snot that was starting to appear.
He would walk past Lilith, not evening stopping to look at her. "It's fine. As you said. No dice. Run along. I am sure your 'prince' is somewhere inside that room" He said, his words laced with equal parts sadness and malice. Clearly he had no control over his emotions right now. With that he took a few more steps away, avoiding eye contact with her at all cost.
ββRun along?ββ she growled. βWho the fuck do you think you are, Carlisle Aston? What gives you the right to speak to me the way you have the last few weeks, hm? βIβm so worried about losing my friendsββ she mocked him, clearly not giving a shit about what was flying out of her mouth as her mental filter disappeared. βFor someone whoβs so worried about making the wrong decisions, you sure do keep on fucking up, my guy!β
Taking another drag, she shook her head, looking at her feet before she looked back up to stare daggers at the back of his head. Arms outstretched in defeat, Lilith shouted once more. βI mean - what do you want me to do? Lie to you? Because I could, Carlisle. I could lie and be a bitch and use you, but Iβm choosing to be honest. I am choosing to be the good person here and you just keep stooping lower and lower.β A single finger now pointed in his direction, she fought back the angry tears threatening to roll down her face. βIf you wanna keep fucking disrespecting me, so help me, Iβll beat the fucking gentleman back into you.β
Carlisle stopped. He shouldn't have taken the bait. He wanted to keep her as a friend. He should keep walking away. But no. He turned around. "Oh no. Heaven forbid I treat you badly. The past two years. Two years, I did everything to make your life better. I wanted to make your life better. I loved you. But clearly that means nothing. Cause Fucking Miles is back on the scene and you will go running back to him. Well you know what Lilith. Fuck you, and fuck him" With that Carlisle turned around, giving Lilith one last flip of the middle finger before running off towards the Alchemy lab.
While Lilith might have been trying to be the bigger person, she also liked to have the last word in any situation. Carlisle had no right to speak to her the way that he had been. Friends didnβt treat friends this way, and people who βlovedβ you damn sure didnβt.
βMake my life better,β she shrieked, reaching for the empty bottle on the table as he turned away from her once again. βAll I ever have to do is look after your stupid ass!β
With the final word being said, Lilith slung the bottle - aiming for the back of Carliles head.
Carlisle was walking away and was suddenly smacked in the back of the head by something. He let out a howl of pain and fell forward, the impact knocking off his balance as he fell face first into the patio, once again his nose smashing into the wooden floor and shattering for the second time for the day. "FUCK!" The pain was overwhelming. With a whimper he lay there for a moment, not getting up as the tequila bottle rolled infront of him, the edge of it coated in a red liquid. His blood. Carlisle just began to cry out loud lying there on the veranda.
Seeing her friend in pain allowed the tears to freefall down Lils face. She knew what she was doing by throwing the bottle, but that didnβt mean that a small part of her didnβt regret it; and if there was one thing Lilith had learned from growing up around a plethora of men - sometimes they just couldnβt take the hint until it literally hit them in the face. So there they stood. Well, she stood. Carlisle was on the ground crying like a child.
βNo,β she spoke, slowly walking over to him to pick up the larger pieces of the broken bottle. βFuck you. I havenβt even really spoken to Miles and youβre already acting like a fuckingβ¦ a bitch. An absolute bitch, Carlisle. Quite frankly, worse than any woman I have ever encountered in my existence. Imagine what would happen if we actually did get back together. Jesus fuck.β Glass now in hand, Lilith stood up as she sighed once again, opening the screen door as she stepped inside. One foot still on the veranda, she looked down at him again.
βI hope this gives you some time to reflect. When youβre ready to be my friend again - then weβll talk.β
So glad I found this thread, because holy-shit do I have a lot of favorite lyrics.
The most recent one that keeps running through my head is "My dreams are not as empty, as my conscience seems to be."
The most recent one that keeps running through my head is "My dreams are not as empty, as my conscience seems to be."
I remember seeing your username floating around back when I first joined. Glad to have you back!
My music taste is all over the place. My main playlist is honestly a combination of anyone who has ever touched my life, as well as my own songs that I like. I'd like to think that my playlist has something for everyone, honestly. In the car, I can go from Fleetwood Mac to Suicide Boys, sprinkle on a little Jinjer and round it all out with a little Willie Nelson.
Oh, and if you get bored I also have a plethora of divorced dad rock.
Oh, and if you get bored I also have a plethora of divorced dad rock.
@HaleyTheRandom Can't keep up with all your toons lol
Last one, I promise. π€£
At least until someone dies, anyway.
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