Rogue Sloth

Amnesia [Suki & Summer]

Cas could feel the weight of exhaustion setting in as he trudged back to the main room of the bunker. Between each of his conversations with Jacob, Iris, and Raine in turn, he was spent. There was still more to process, more unanswered questions and things left unsaid that needed to be addressed, but right now, all he wanted was to find Iris and finally take a moment to stop and breathe. The rest could wait. He was done running around in circles, trying to take care of everything at once. Now that the urgent parts had been dealt with, he was ready to collapse.

He spotted Iris right away when he rounded the hallway corner, still in the living room where he’d left her a few minutes before. Pausing at the edge of the room, his eyes flicked from her to the man at her side. Harry. The sight of them together earned a bemused look from the king, although he was glad to see that someone had offered her company while he’d stepped out of the room. Jacob had made his thoughts on her appearance perfectly clear, and he was sure the other guards were of a similar mind as their security head. Somehow, knowing that not everyone was opposed to Iris’s return relieved a stress he hadn’t realized was there.

Crossing the rest of the way into the room, he offered Iris a tired half-smile. “Hey,” he greeted, first her and then the guard with a nod. “Raine said she wants some time to herself, but she’s alright,” he said as he turned back to Iris. ‘Alright’ was probably a bit of an overstatement, but it was close enough. The conversation was over with, and they could move forward without any loose ends to tie up. It was the best they could do, given the circumstances.

“Did you ever get anything to eat?” he added as an afterthought, studying her with a frown.

Amnesia [Suki & Summer]

The tension in the bathroom was thick enough that the air felt almost physically heavy with each breath Caspian took. Standing with his back against the door and his arms folded uncomfortably over his chest, he chewed the inside of his cheek as his mind turned, trying to come up with some way to explain himself. He didn’t want to lie to Raine. He was done with that now. However, the true story was long, complicated, and definitely not acceptable to someone of the princess’s pedigree. After all, he’d pretty much just dumped her for a commoner—and a rebel, at that. As understanding as he knew her to be, he expected no leniency once he admitted who Iris was. He just needed to tell her and get it over with before—

“Someone needs to change that bulb.”

The mumbled complaint jarred Cas abruptly out of his thoughts. With a blink, he focused his gaze on her, then on the flickering, orange light in the sconce above the sink. Caught up in his head, he hadn’t noticed the way Raine had been glaring at it, her eyes slightly squinted against its irregular winking. “Yeah,” he cleared his throat with a wince, turning to her again. It wasn’t the segue he’d been looking for, but now that she’d broken the silence between them, he supposed he might as well take the plunge. “Raine… I—”

“I’m not blaming you, Caspian.” Before he could finish the sentence, the princess cut him off with a frown. Leaning against the side of the vanity, her own arms folded stiffly, she pursed her lips, then sighed. “I saw everything. Heard everything you said. I may not know who that girl is or what your history is with her, but I understand where this is going.”

Cas shrank at the dejection in her voice. This was going to be painful. “I’m sorry,” he murmured, glancing down at the tile floor. “I swear, I wasn’t trying to lead you on or waste your time. I really had no idea she was still alive, but now that I do… I can’t let her go again.”

“Even though she’s a commoner?” Raine asked, judgement lacking even though he could hear the skepticism behind her question. “You told me you’re the last surviving member of Aspiria’s royal line. I know you can’t control who your heart wants, but are you certain this is what’s best for your country?”

“No,” Cas smiled haplessly, his dark eyes flitting up to meet hers again. “But I know I’ve made up my mind.”

“Fine,” Raine intoned softly. “Then I wish you both all the best.”

The king took a shuddered breath. Somehow, her acceptance almost stung worse than it would have to hear her rant and rage at him for choosing Iris. “For what it’s worth, I enjoyed your company while we were together, even if it was short,” he ventured, taking a small step away from the door. “You’re going to be a great queen someday, and whoever marries you will be a lucky guy.”

The princess breathed an incredulous laugh, shaking her head. “I just couldn’t be that for you?” This time, her cool facade splintered with the question, and he caught a flicker of hurt behind her eyes that took him by surprise. When he just stared at her in response, she turned away again. “At least tell me this,” she went on lowly. “If Iris hadn’t come back, do you think you could have loved me?”

Cas’s eyes widened. He and Raine had been friends since they were children, and they’d gotten along well the few times they’d run into each other as adults, but he’d never thought she saw him as anything more than that. He shifted his weight. Honestly, he hadn’t let himself go there either, even when he’d thought Iris was dead. He liked Raine. He knew he did, and their compatibility as individuals was what had led him to give her a chance when he’d believed marrying a princess was his only option. Things were different now, but…

“I think so,” he answered after a pause, studying her thoughtfully. “I don’t right now, and I am sorry for that, but if we’d gone through with everything… I think you would’ve been the only other person I’d want to be with. You really are special, Raine. I mean that.”

This time, it was the princess’s turn to stare at him. Her eyes lingered on his, glistening with emotion in the low light, before she slowly stepped forward and pulled him into a kiss. When they parted, she flashed a half-smile at him. “What could have been,” she murmured with a small shake of her head. “I hope she makes you happy.”

“She does,” he nodded, returning the expression in kind.

Letting her hands fall away from his shirt, Raine smoothed down her own dress and distanced herself from him again, inclining her head at the door. “You should get back to her then. She’s probably nervous, alone around all those capital guards.”

“Are you staying here?” Cas frowned.

Raine nodded. “I need some more time to myself… to think. I’ll be fine, though. I promise.”

The king hesitated for a moment, but the sincerity in her eyes convinced him to reach for the handle. Obliging her wish to be alone, he turned the knob and stepped back out, closing the door quietly behind him.

Amnesia [Suki & Summer]

“I know,” Caspian murmured. But just because it was the right thing to do didn’t make it feel any less painful. It had never been his intention to hurt Raine. The only reason he’d even taken steps to court someone else had been because he’d thought Iris had been dead. He did like the Suphate princess too. She’d been his friend for a long time. If his first love hadn’t suddenly reappeared in his life, he would have genuinely tried to make things work with her, to get married and lead Aspiria as partners even if love never showed up along the way. Truly, she was the best person he could think of to be his queen out of all the options he’d considered—if Iris hadn’t returned and resurrected all the feelings he’d thought he would never experience again.

Letting out his breath, he shook his head. “Actually… now that you’re here, you’re kind of stuck with us,” he confessed with a sympathetic frown. “This safe house is in a confidential location, so security won’t let anyone come and go until the threat outside is cleared. I’m sorry.” It had been a point of frustration for him and the others too. All he wanted was to go back to the palace, and it probably wouldn’t be much longer before the building was deemed safe for him to return, but in the meantime, everyone in the bunker had to stay put while the military wrapped up their work above ground.

“I’ll be back soon,” he promised one more time before he finally turned and headed down the hall. He hadn’t seen exactly where Raine had gone, but it wasn’t hard to take a guess. After all, the safe house wasn’t very big. There were only so many rooms she could hide away in for privacy away from the others. Knocking gently on the doors he passed, he kept going until he was eventually met with a quiet “Yes?” behind the door that led to the bathroom. There, he stopped and took a steeling breath.

“Raine?” he probed softly, leaning nearly close to the painted wood for his cheek to brush against its cool surface. “Can we talk?”

For a long pause, there was silence, then the door handle clicked open, and Cas edged back a half-step as the princess’s familiar face appeared in the narrow gap. She nodded wordlessly and pulled the door aside for him to step through. “Yeah,” she muttered, turning away as she stepped back from the entrance. “I think we need to.”

He winced slightly at her cold tone, his eyes flickering back toward the living room. This was going to be uncomfortable. He knew he couldn’t put it off any longer than he already had though. Not in a space this confined. So, after only a beat of hesitation, he slipped inside the bathroom, closing the door behind him until it locked with an audible snap.

Amnesia [Suki & Summer]

Caspian bit the inside of his cheek at the tone of Iris’s voice when she said his name. He didn’t understand why she was so reluctant to just table their problems and focus on the fact that they were back together again. He’d thought she’d been dead for so long. Why was it so difficult to take one day just to celebrate that she was alive? That was all he wanted right now.

Even as the belligerent thoughts circulated in his mind, he could feel his stomach knotting though—could feel the furtive eyes on the back of his head and sense the unspoken questions hanging heavy in the air. As desperate as he was to blind himself to the wrench Iris’s return had thrown into the course of his life, a part of him knew deep down that things weren’t going to be that simple. He couldn’t be just a young person in love when he had the weight of an entire country riding on his shoulders. His life had ceased to belong solely to himself when he’d accepted the crown of Aspiria.

So, even though Iris’s insistence that he needed to talk to Raine just reminded him that he couldn’t even let the dust settle before responsibilities started nipping at his heels again, he nodded wordlessly. She was right. Frustrating as it was, he was the one who had to table his desire when he knew Iris’s return affected more people than just himself. The princess he’d been courting wasn’t just anyone either. More than perhaps anyone else in the capital, she deserved that conversation.

“You’re right,” he admitted, glancing up from his lap to meet Iris’s gaze. Pressing his lips together, he gave her hand a squeeze and then reluctantly let it go as he pulled himself to his feet with a sigh. He had a feeling it wasn’t going to be an easy chat, and he was already exhausted from hashing things out with Jacob, but waiting would only make things worse in the long run. “I’ll look for her,” he decided quietly, his gaze lingering on Iris. “Will you be alright without me for a bit? I’ll try not to be gone too long, but… I think I do owe it to her to give her as long as she needs.”

Amnesia [Suki & Summer]

Caspian shook his head. None of this was Iris’s fault as far as he was concerned. Jacob had been the one to lie to him and let him think she’d been dead this entire time, which had also been the reason why he’d let himself try to humor the idea of courting someone else. He wouldn’t have even considered marrying Raine if he’d known the love of his life was alive and hidden in the capital. They’d been so close to each other for weeks, and he’d never known. Now that he did, he was going to make things right.

“I’m just glad you’re here,” he repeated again, his voice quiet. With so many prying eyes and ears just one room over, he wanted to keep as much of their conversation private as he could. Like Jacob, it was no one’s business who he chose to be with, and he didn’t want any more gossip or slander to be spread about the person he actually wanted to keep by his side. Of course, realistically, he couldn’t control all of that, but right now, after everything else that had just happened, he was too exhausted to deal with any more fires. He just wanted to turn his brain off and sit with Iris.

Closing his eyes, he let a little more of his weight lean against her shoulder, taking comfort in her warmth against his side. If there hadn’t been an audience, he would have pressed his head against hers too, but unfortunately, the tension in the bunker was still thick enough that getting too close with Iris was probably a bad idea. As happy as he was to be with her again, he couldn’t just forget about the fact that he’d been courting Raine until a half an hour ago. He didn’t want to be completely irreverent of his former fiancée’s feelings.

For a few beats, he rested in the silence, until Iris spoke again, and he looked up to seek her solemn gaze. “It’s not your fault,” he assured her again, giving her hand a squeeze. “I have some things I need to tie up, but I’ll take care of all of it. I promise. Right now, let’s just take it easy and leave the problems for another day, okay?”

Amnesia [Suki & Summer]

He’d been alone for a while, he knew that, but Caspian still stalled at the end of the hallway when his gaze passed over the other people in the bunker. He’d thought he would find Raine right where he’d left her, but instead, it was Iris on the couch while the princess was nowhere to be seen. He blinked and glanced toward the kitchen, where the rest of the security team was focused back on its own operation. Seeing Jacob among them, quietly working on a laptop, sent a jolt of annoyance through him, and he turned away again with a low huff. A part of him still wanted to send the older man far away from him, but he couldn’t do that as long as Jacob held the title of security head, so instead, he made his way over to the living room without a word, following through on his want to be with Iris.

Circling around the side of the couch, he paused for a moment rather than sitting down right away though. ‘If you step back out there and choose Iris over Raine, you’ll prove it to me.’ The words echoed in his head, and he pressed his tongue against his teeth. His eyes flicked back toward Jacob, and this time, he caught the other man looking in his direction before the security lead promptly dropped his own gaze back to the screen in front of him. Even though the other man’s expression was unreadable, the king could take a guess at what was going on inside his head, and he clenched his fists at his sides. It wasn’t Jacob’s business. It didn’t matter what he thought. Who he courted was his own decision, so, stubbornly, he dropped onto the couch next to Iris, reaching to take her hand in his.

“Sorry,” he murmured, his gaze low as he leaned lightly against her side. “I didn’t mean for you to end up in the middle of so much shit.”

Even with his back turned, he could practically feel the burning of furtive eyes on them from the kitchen. None of the other guards had spoken up, but he was sure it wasn’t only Jacob who was confused and uneasy about this unexpected arrival in their bunker. At least some of them had to be aware of Iris’s criminal past and her ties to the rebellion too. Acutely aware of the questions he was raising by cozying up to a member of the Scourge over the princess he was supposed to be marrying, he clutched her hand a little tighter, equally as protective of her as he was torn over the mess of their situation.

Amnesia [Suki & Summer]

Iris’s reverent bow should have put her at least somewhat at ease, but instead, it only served to remind Raine of the fact that Caspian was prepared to terminate their courtship over a commoner. Her unreadable eyes remained on the woman before her, her feelings masked with careful practice even as her mind was filled to the brim with offense and confusion. She couldn’t help but wonder where this person had come from or how the Aspirian king knew her. From everything she understood about her country’s sister kingdom, they maintained just as strict segregation between social classes as her own people did. By all reason, Iris should never have crossed paths with Aspiria’s new young ruler. Yet here she was in his bunker.

“Publicly, you may refer to me as Princess Auclair or Your Royal Highness,” she answered easily, choosing to view the common woman’s question as an opportunity to educate. After all, since she was low born, there was every chance Iris had never been informed of proper etiquette around royal titles. She wouldn’t have needed to know. “But here,” she went on, “feel free to simply call me princess Raine.”

She had plenty of questions of her own, but for now, she chose to shelve them in favor of asking Caspian later. She wanted to hear from him what was going on between him and this girl—and whether or not their engagement still stood. So, rather than interrogating her supposed fiancé’s returned lover, she turned off the TV and stepped around the sofa with a soft, “Excuse me for a moment.” as she made her way down the hall to the restroom for a minute alone.

On her way past Cas’s room, she shuffled to the side just as the door opened, and Jacob stepped out, stalling at the unexpected sight of the princess in his path. He blinked and bowed with a murmured apology before continuing on his way to the the common room, his gaze slightly distant. At first, his eyes were fixed on the ground, but he lifted them to meet Iris’s when he felt her gaze on him from across the room. Even from where he stood, he could see the shame there before she turned away, and he exhaled quietly. In truth, he didn’t think it was completely undeserved. Both she and Caspian continued to make poor choices because they couldn’t let each other go. However, the part of him that had grown soft toward the district girl compelled him to offer her the same comfort he’d already begun repeating silently to himself. Stepping over to walk by her on his way to the kitchen, he murmured softly in passing: “Give him time.”

They both knew how emotionally charged the king could be, but with enough time, he would calm down. Personally, he hoped Caspian would make the best decision for Aspiria when that happened, but, knowing it wasn’t his place to affect that choice, he would respect the younger man’s boundary and keep a professional distance.

—.—

“Fuck.”

Cas ground his teeth, squeezing his eyes shut as he took a shuddered breath. As soon as Jacob had left the room, he’d shut the door behind the guard and sat down on the bed, dropping his head into his hands. Everything about what had just happened felt overwhelming. Iris was alive, and one of his closest friends had kept the secret from him for more than a month. And he wasn’t even sorry about it. He curled his fingers into tight fists against his hair.

He lost track of time as he sat in the room alone, but after a while of stewing in the pit of his betrayal, he forced himself to get up again with a steeling exhale. Iris was still in the other room with Raine and the rest of the security team. It wouldn’t be right to leave her alone with so many people she barely knew or didn’t know at all—and of course, he itched to keep her close after believing he’d lost her once.

Stepping over to the door, he paused just long enough to compose himself before pulling it open and traipsing back to the main room, his tired eyes sweeping the bunker in search of Iris.

Amnesia [Suki & Summer]

“Well, if you change your mind.” The words were punctuated with a half-smile and a shrug as Raine turned back toward the TV. With her back to the new arrival, the expression on her face was slightly pained, and she squeezed her hands together in her lap. Caspian hadn’t mentioned there had been someone else. By the look on his face, she could already tell things weren’t over between them though. It was a lot to process, and she was lost in her thoughts when the other woman spoke again, making her jump and immediately close her eyes as she silently chided herself for the lapse in composure. She might have been caught off guard, but she was still a princess. A lady of dignity. Now was the time to act like one.

With a deep breath, she rose from the couch and turned around to face Iris fully, smoothing down the front of her dress. She smiled thinly again and dipped her head in greeting, “I’m Raine Auclair, princess of the Suphate kingdom. It’s a pleasure to meet you, Iris.”

—.—

“You told me she was dead.”

As soon as the door had swung closed behind him, Caspian had rounded on Jacob with venom in his eyes. His hand was still on the knob with a white-knuckled grip, and every ounce of betrayal cut through his features. “I thought you were on my side. Why did you lie to me? Why did you send her away?”

The guard winced, his gaze fixed down somewhere below the prince’s eye-level. “I am on your side, your majesty,” he said quietly. “That’s why I told you she was gone.” He lifted his gaze, his jaw set with pointed resolution. They were here now, so there was no point in beating around the bush anymore. “To be perfectly candid, you need to let her go, Caspian,” he asserted firmly. “I understand that you love her, but you’re the king now. Ruling this country means making difficult decisions, not allowing your feelings to undermine the leader you have the potential to be.

“Iris is a commoner. If that wasn’t already enough to disqualify her from your courtship, she has a known history in this city as a wanted criminal. The people aren’t going to forget that overnight,” he went on, folding his arms across his chest. “No matter how much you care for her, that reputation is going to haunt her for the rest of her days if she stays in the capital, and our allies will always look at you with suspicion for choosing to forgive her of her crimes, welcoming her into society with open arms and even wedding her into the royal line. It’s political suicide, and honestly? I knew that if you knew she was alive, you would still pour every part of yourself into hunting her down to the negligence of your real duties. That is why I lied.”

Cas clenched his teeth. “So you still think I’m just some irresponsible kid.”

“If you step back out there and choose Iris over Raine, you’ll prove it to me,” Jacob confirmed bluntly.

The king took a sharp step toward the older man, his fists clenched at his sides, but stopped himself with a growl, turning his glower angrily to the floor. Everything in him wanted to punch the guy in the face. He was outraged, insulted, and betrayed. Jacob claimed to understand, but he didn’t. He didn’t get it at all. And obviously, he couldn’t. “The only reason you still have your job right now is her,” he hissed, lifting his scowl to the guard again. “You can keep working for me because I promised her I wouldn’t fire you, but as far as our personal relationship goes, we’re done.”

Opening the door behind him, he inclined his head in gesture for Jacob to exit. “Get out. I need some time to be alone.”

The guard pressed his lips together, but after a moment of hesitation, he bowed. “Your majesty,” he spoke softly, his voice terse and formal once again as he rose and walked out of the room without looking back.

Amnesia [Suki & Summer]

In Caspian’s mind, Iris was anything but “nothing special,” no matter how many times she used words like that to describe herself. Even being objective, he was confident she had value to the rebellion too. Maybe a while ago, before they’d met and he’d fallen head over heels for her, the Scourge wouldn’t have seen her as useful to their operations. But now, she was back in his life; the girlfriend of Aspiria’s king. It wasn’t unrealistic for them to target her again if they ever thought they had the chance—which was why he was never going to give it to them.

For now, she was safe in the bunker with him and the others though, so it wasn’t something to linger on. As they rejoined the group in the common space, that safety was tangible. He casted her a flicker of a glance before his gaze settled on the head of his security team, and he narrowed his eyes. Jacob was about to have a lot of explaining to do.

He took a step in the other man’s direction, but before he could move further, he paused and glanced at Iris again with a frown. She was right that Jacob had saved her. He knew that. The problem was that the guy could have saved her a dozen different ways, and he’d chosen the path to send her back to the districts beyond the capital walls—where the civil war was still raging strong and anything could have happened to her. Where she was a hundred miles away, and he thought she was dead. He wasn’t going to let that slide.

“I know,” he muttered, turning his gaze back to the guard. “But I want to hear it from him.”

He gave her hand one more quick squeeze before letting it fall away, stepping away from her to get the other man’s attention. Jacob looked up from his phone as the king approached, his features as impassive as always. It was difficult to get a gauge on his thoughts, but Cas almost thought he saw the guy wince as he inclined his head toward the room he’d just left and beckoned him over with a subtly tense: “Hey, man. Let’s talk.”

Jacob studied him for a moment before he righted his posture and slipped his phone into his pocket with a nod. “Of course.”

The corner of Cas’s mouth twitched downward, but he held his tongue as he led the older man back to the bedroom and closed the door behind them, leaving Iris alone with the rest of the security team and Raine, who had turned around on the couch to quietly watch them over the back of it. As soon as Caspian and Jacob disappeared, her eyes settled on Iris, and she pursed her lips before calling over in an airy tone: “If it’s food you want, the frozen trays are better than the stuff in the pantry.”

Amnesia [Suki & Summer]

Caspian nodded. It was what he wanted to believe, but at the moment, all he could do was guess. Raine had always seemed to be the understanding sort though. Even when they were kids, he’d thought she was the more level-headed of the two of them, and she had always been pragmatic. After Iris had turned up without any warning, she would have to realize he didn’t mean to give her false hopes, wouldn’t she? He pressed his lips together as he thought about it. Of course, he didn’t expect her to breeze along with the sudden change without any qualms, but hopefully, if his impression of her was right, she wouldn’t hold it over his head once the dust settled.

More important was the matter of the continuing rebellion in the districts. As Iris turned his attention there, the king frowned to himself. She was right that it was strange. There were still plenty of missing pieces, and his intelligence on the situation had been… well, lackluster, even before his father had passed away. They had taken out multiple kingpins amongst the Scourge, and yet the rebels continued to operate like a well-oiled machine. He wasn’t sure who was pulling the strings behind it all, but clearly, there was someone in charge of the operations that they hadn’t managed to take out yet.

“Someone else, maybe,” he sighed, running a hand over his hair. “Or maybe the same someone… I don’t know. We’re working on it.” Meeting her gaze again, his dark eyes flitted between her blue. “Whoever it is, they’re done using you though. I promise. No one’s going to be taking you away again.”

Perhaps it was brazen to make a promise like that when he hadn’t been able to stop Ethan from kidnapping her last time, but he meant it regardless. Now that she was back, he was going to do everything in his power to keep her safe from the rebellion. Right now, that meant keeping her close in the bunker. Later, he planned to do the same in the palace. The hotel he’d hidden her away in before hadn’t had the same level of security as either of those places, so at the very least, he could rest in the knowledge that his security team would be looking out for her alongside him.

As she rested her hand in his, Cas laced his fingers with hers with a smile, happy with the simple pleasure of being able to touch her again. However, the expression disappeared quickly when she admitted it had been a while since she’d last fed herself. “Days?” he echoed, gawking at her incredulously. “Jesus, Iris. We need to get some food in you right now.”

Getting up from the bed, he ushered her with him by a tug to her hand, only to pause momentarily at her next question. “It will be,” he assured her with a nod. The other people in the bunker might have mixed feelings about her presence there, but he was in charge, and that meant they had to set those feelings aside if he asked them to make her feel welcome.

It might not happen right away, but he was confident the dust would settle. With that thought in mind, he led her with him back out of the room and down the hall until they could rejoin the others. When they stepped back into the room, most of the team was still crowded around their monitors, while Raine was seated on the couch by the silently playing TV, and Jacob was standing aside with his phone in hand, his eyes fixed on the screen as if busy.

It was the latter who Caspian fixated on, his eyes narrowing as the sting of his guard’s betrayal cut through him again. He’d promised Iris he wouldn’t fire the other man, but he couldn’t bring himself to pretend like Jacob hadn’t kept her hidden from him—let him think she was dead—for an entire month. His grip tightened on her hand, and he glanced at her sideways. “Take whatever you want from the pantry… I need a minute to talk to Jacob.”