Twystyd88

Seeking Feedback/Constructive Criticism

Chapter Two- What Will It Take?
Brent Stephen Smith. Born as an only child, and for most of his childhood only had a nanny to call family. His mother was a very well renowned lawyer, and was gone a lot dealing with cases. His father was in and out of their lives, and even when he was a part of it, he spent his time travelling for his business. Despite only having fleeting moments with his family, he never spoke ill of them. He knew they were doing what they had to do. But, with all of his freedom as he got older, he found out he had a love of music.

He spent every dime of his allowance and money he earned from odd jobs on anything that caught his attention. And this obsession of his is what his dreams were made of. He wanted to be like his idols, to be on stage, rocking out. Sadly, as much as he wanted to play the guitars or drums, he had tried several times and just didn't like it. It was only by chance did he learn he was a pretty damn good singer.

By the end of middle school, he had made new friends who shared his passion of music. They played every weekend in their garages, even though their parents hated it, and they were sure the neighbors had a few complaints as well. But Brent didn't care. He felt alive when he sang, he felt like he was finally in the one place he belonged.

He begged and pleaded his parents every chance he could to get new music, new equipment, everything he felt he would need to start his rock star life. They said they would help him, on the one condition he would stick to his studies and graduate. To at least prove he wanted to do this, he had to work for it.

That was fine and dandy until they uprooted his comfortable life, ripped him away from his friends and dreams, and moved him here to Colorado. Even though the promise was still the same, it didn't matter much to him. His life, his music, everything was back home. Not here in this miserable place. But, after a few weeks of moving here and walking downtown, he started to feel things were going to change.

They weren't flashy and even though their music seemed choppy and slapped together, Brent loved it. The entire place was hardly paying any attention to the group of guys, but he was hooked. It was the first time in a long time he felt good about living here. When the guys got bored of trying to entertain the crowds, they packed up their stuff to leave, but Brent hurried to catch them.

The three of them; Zach, Barry, and Eric, were all around Brent's age, except Zach. He had just turned twenty one. And they all seemed skeptical about Brent at first, until he showed them he was serious and proved he could sing. Then they were interested. So, every weekend they would hang out at Zach's place, play music, get drunk off Zach's never ending supply of beer, and make plans for their future.

So, why was it that everything else seemed to be going great, except at school? Sure, he had made friends he could get along with and hang out with. But Sara seemed to be the only person who still hated him. He could understand a few days of being miffed at butting heads, but two months? As much as he tried forgetting about her and ignoring it, he couldn't. He simply needed to know.

He got his chance one day when he was walking the halls during lunch. Most days they were crowded with groups of kids gossiping about everything from the latest phones, the newest designers and models, and who broke up with who. But this week, they were rather empty, only a few stragglers here and there. It was the week before finals, so most students were in the library cramming everything they could in such a short time.

Brent rounded a corner, humming to one of the songs playing on his iPod, when he felt a chill up his spine. He stopped dead in his tracks and looked up. There she was at her locker, putting some books away. Her usual group of friends were nowhere to be seen, she was alone for once. Swallowing, he slowly began walking towards her. This was probably the only chance he would get, he had to take it.

Sara, like always, had her head up in the clouds and was dreaming of what life was going to be like after school. Where would she go, what would she do? She sighed, a silly smile on her face as she grabbed the last book she would need for the day. As she straightened up to close her locker, she felt a warm hand on her shoulder. Thinking it was one of her friends, she turned around quickly, a smile on her face. Until she looked up into the blue eyes of a face that had been haunting her dreams since day one. No, no, no, she thought, sucking in a deep breath and pushing herself against the lockers, trying to create as much space between them as possible.

When he reached out to turn her to face him, he was prepared to be yelled at and pushed away. But seeing the smile on her face made his heart skip a few beats. After all, this close, it was the most emotion he had seen on her face. This close, he could smell faint floral scents from her shampoo, see the silver specks of color in her green eyes. It was tempting to just reach out and wrap his arms around her and bury his face in her hair. But, when he looked into her eyes and saw that he was getting the famous "Go Fuck Yourself" look, he cleared his throat and stepped back a little.

"Listen," he began, putting his hands on either side of her, taking slow deep breaths. "I know you hate me. I don't know why you do, and it's driving me crazy!" He stopped, closing his eyes. "Please, Sara. Just tell me why you hate me so much."

She stood there, her body wanting to run away and hide from him. But her mind wasn't getting the message to her muscles, leaving her frozen. He was so close to her now, and she could feel her heart pounding in her chest, she was surprised it didn't explode. Being in such close proximity to him, she could smell his after shave. It was faint, but it reminded her of freshly mowed grass after a summer storm. Very strong and down to earth. She was beginning to shake from forcing herself so far away from him.

When he said her name, she had to catch her breath again. It sent a warm feeling over her. She opened her mouth, then closed it. Then opened it again to speak, but nothing came out. Sighing, she closed her eyes. How could she tell him? I don't hate you, she said silently. I've liked you since day one, but I can't let myself. Everything is perfect, and when I think of you, everything is chaotic, crazy. You make me weak. Taking a slow, shaky breath, she finally looked up to him, trying hard not to give way to her true feelings. "Because, you're just a stupid boy and wouldn't understand. So leave me the hell alone." She ducked under his arm and tried to get away as fast as possible.

"Dammit, Sara!" he called after her, catching up and taking her wrist in his hand. Bad idea.

Touching her skin sent a strange, but strong electrical shock through him. Falling backwards, he sat there staring at her in shock. Whatever it was, it was like the two of them became one for that split second. And he could tell she felt it too, but her face was more confused and scared. Not exactly what he was expecting after that, but it was better than being glared at, right?

"What the fuck was that?" he breathed when he finally could form a coherent thought.

It can't be, she said to herself, staring at him. I'm not even, there's no way. It's just stories, she repeated a few times. She knew the legends about her ancestry, the twisted blood lines that ran in her family. But, there was one part of them she thought was just a bunch of bull. Except now. She had to take a moment to reevaluate the situation. Her mind was fuzzy, her body was still tingling with electricity, and for that briefest period of time, it was like she had touched his mind, felt everything he felt and knew. And then was yanked back into the cold cruel world.

It seemed like eternity before she could finally speak again. She balanced herself, and still with her eyes locked onto his, she opened her mouth. "I know this seems, weird, and strange, But, meet me in the courtyard after school. I can try to explain."

And with that, she turned on her heel and was gone. Brent pulled himself to his feet, dragging his bag off the floor and over his shoulder again. Dumbfounded and confused, he shook his head a little. It really didn't make any sense, but he knew he would have to find her after school. Even if her explanation made no sense, he would go to at least see her if nothing else.

The shrill ringing of the bell startled him back into reality, and he quickly rushed off to class. He didn't even have a chance to eat, and his stomach growled loudly in protest as he jogged through the school before the halls got too crowded.

Seeking Feedback/Constructive Criticism

This is a fan-fiction I've been working on based on the band Shinedown. I do not own or affiliate with the band or others involved. Any songs, names are property of respective owners. I only take credit for original characters Sara Rose Lockwood, Karla and Melinda, and the art teacher (thus far) Though based off real people, I have changed names and appearances slightly. Otherwise, I do not take credit for anything else. Please read and I hope you enjoy ^.^ If you do, I might be inspired to write more seeing as I have finally hit writer's block.
Chapter One- A Fresh Start
Emerald High was one of three private high schools in the Denver area, but the furthest from the city. If you've seen medieval castles from Europe, you would have a very good idea to what the outside of the school looked like, but on a smaller scale with no crazy hundred foot towers. The stone walls were covered in vines, flowery moss, in some places it crumbled into pebbles. Other places were worn smooth by the winds and rains. But step inside and you would be in a very different world. Everything was clean and modern. Florescent lights hung from the ceilings, giving off a low buzzing sound. The windows were shatter and bullet proof for the safety of everyone. There was internet, cable, and even plumbling in this very deceptive place. The only thing that remained untouched by time seemed to be the marbled floors, coated with fresh wax, and the stained glass windows in the front foyer.

It was located miles out of town near the mountains. But despite its slightly unpleasant location, the relaxed atmosphere, best level of education, and not having to wear a silly uniform made it very popular. And for the elite students, or the richest, it even boasted dormitories, which unlike the school, were what you would see in a pamphlet. Straight lines, modern, sophisticated, all in all, boring. But, for the students who could afford the small luxury, it saved them the hour drive to and from school every day. Especially in the harsh winters.

One such student was Sara Rose Lockwood. She was far from rich, popular, or what society would even call beautiful. The only reason she was able to attend was because she was always top in her class with straight A's. And the trust fund her parents left her with was more than enough. But, Sara always believed in working hard. She used what she needed to pay her way into school and a reliable enough vehicle so she could work to pay for anything else.

As mentioned before, Sara was rather plain in her looks. She wasn't tall or skinny with the perfect tan, hair and nails. She was rather the opposite. Her hair, naturally blonde, was dyed black, and on certain occasions she would don a little color. This years look? A three inch streak dyed a vibrant pink that fell to the right side of her face. Her hair fell to the lower part of her back, and the curls she ended up getting when keeping it long were rather unruly and stuck out everywhere. Her skin was pale with a few freckles on her arms and cheeks, and it was hardly blemish free. She stood around 5'4", if you included the sneakers. And weighing around 205 pounds, it wasn't that she was a slob. But her high intake of caffeine and living regularly off fast food didn't let her keep a girly figure very easily.

This morning, she stood in the middle of her bedroom, tripping over a pair of pants as she yanked them on. Digging through her hamper of clothes, she found a long sleeved thermal with one of her favorite band logos plastered to the front. Pulling it over her head and shoving her arms through the sleeves, she proceeded to neatly stack her books and folders into her bag.

"There," she said, satisfied after zipping it closed. "Now to grab some coffee and breakfast," she muttered, combing her hair with her fingers before pulling it all up on top of her head into a messy bun. With her bag packed, mug of coffee in one hand, and a half eaten granola bar sticking out of her mouth, she locked the door behind her and set off towards the school.

It was a cool morning. Dew collected on the leaves and branches of the trees and bushes that lined the pathway leading to the school. The sun was barely over the horizon, so a hazy fog still lingered on the grounds, swirling in lazy patterns as a gentle breeze blew in. Sara smiled, running her fingers through the fog, enjoying the strange tickling sensation it gave her when she did.

As she made her way up the stairs to the front door of the school, she heard a bunch of giggles from some young girls to the left, huddled in a close circle. They were new, obviously. Anyone who had been here before knew better than to wear high heels and mini skirts. But, unlike Sara, they would make friends quickly. They belonged to the rich groups that populated a majority of the place. Sara could only roll her eyes as she walked by them and inside. She had to just remind herself this was her last year.

When she graduated, she would be off travelling the world. It had been her dream for as long as she could remember to be a famous photographer. Whether it be magazines, book publishers, she didn't care. She would have her pictures plastered all over the world. The thought of opening a travel magazine and seeing a picture she took on a page excited her!

She was too engrossed in her thoughts that she didn't even see the young man who was standing in the middle of the foyer, squinting down at a piece of paper in his hands. THUD! She ran into him, dropping her arm full of books on the tiled floor, and some of her coffee splashed out of her mug and landed on her arm, burning her. She gave a small painful yelp at the sudden heat, but then she looked down at her feet, and even several feet away. The books had scattered around them with a loud echoing. Sara shook her head and knelt down to pick up the books so she could head to her locker.

But the man she ran into decided to help out, and the next thing she knew, their heads were colliding with a loud and sickening crack! Sara lost her balance and fell backwards, landing on her butt with an oomph! Groaning, she rubbed her forehead where she hit her head, feeling a bump forming already. That would certainly put a damper on her day.

"You know if you wouldn't be standing in the middle of the place-" she began, pausing to look up at whoever it was she ran into. When she did, she felt color rise to her cheeks, and she sat there frozen for a moment.

He was attractive, compared to most other guys in school. He was of average height for a guy, around 5'9" was her best guess. He had dark blue eyes that seemed kind, but also had that crazy wild twinkle in them. His shoulder length brown hair was pulled back into a low pony tail, a few strands had fallen loose and fell around his face as he looked down at her. He wasn't necessarily muscular, but he did look well toned, if not for what looked like a few lingering pounds around his torso.

And he wore rather plain clothes. His jeans were a little baggy with small holes in the knees, held up with a belt. He was wearing a plain grey shirt, the seams and threads seeming a little worn and faded. Over the shirt he wore a denim vest that had seen better days. It appeared he had stitched a lot of patches that had various designs, but as far as Sara could tell, a lot of them were of bands, and it seemed these patches were the only thing holding the article of clothing together.

"Sorry, I was just trying to figure out where to go," he muttered, offering one hand to help her up, the other rubbing his head as well.

Growling, she pushed herself up on her feet, pushing his hand aside. "Well, next time, stay out of the way," she said with a bitter note to her voice, picking up her books as quickly as possible and stalking off through the empty halls to her class.

The young man stood there a little puzzled. What the hell did he do to deserve that? Shrugging, he looked back down at the paper. Creative Arts was his first class. He walked across the foyer to the main office and asked one of the ladies where he should go. Once he had directions, he took his time to find his locker since there was still plenty of time left before the first bell even rang.



"Dammit!" he yelled, walking as fast as he possibly could to class. He had stopped at his locker before heading to class, and ended up in a very heated conversation with the guy next to him. In doing so, he lost track of time and was now running late, the second bell had already rang minutes ago, and there was still two flights of stairs to go.

He burst through the room, tripping over his feet and trying to catch his breath. His cheeks were red as he stood in the door way looking at the other students who were listening to the teacher, but now were staring at him. Just what he needed. He was already a new guy not just to this school, but the city as well. He hated drawing even more attention to himself than needed. then he looked over at the teacher with an apologetic smile, who just rolled his eyes and waved him in.

The teacher was sort of intimidating, especially if you hadn't known him long. He looked like a rather typical biker sort of guy. He wore a leather vest with a metal pin boasting Harley Davidson pinned to the front pocket. Under that he wore a white shirt, blue jeans, and leather boots with various buckles. He was tall, well over six feet if one had to guess. The only hair he had was the pair of bushy white brows over blue eyes and a well kept goatee. His skin was slightly tanned, probably from summer days of riding his bike, so it seemed weathered and leathery. But he didn't look to be much older than forty and well fit for a man of his age.

"Class, this is Brent. He's new here and just transferred from Tennessee. I do expect you to show him some decency and help him out until he's comfortable," the teacher said, pointing Brent to his desk. "Now, if you'd go take your seat next to Sara over there, I can get this introduction over quickly and get us all started!"

Now, if any of you can remember, most classrooms weren't very big. There was room for about thirty students, decks, some shelves or carts, the teacher and their desk, with walking room. Creative Arts though, was different. Since the entire hour was dedicated to various forms of art, the room was enormous!

There was about twenty students here, but each had a large drawing desk they could work on. Two additional teachers were in the class to help. All the shelves and walls were lined with sculptures made from clay or metal, canvas portraits ranging from ink to charcoal, to water color and oil paintings. Even the window sills were lined with this and that from previous students. And in one corner, a large stereo sat on a desk playing some oldies music.

Brent slid into his seat, and turned slightly to look at Sara who was staring over at the teacher, listening. "Listen, I'm sorry about earlier, I didn't mean to-" he began in a hushed whisper, but was cut off before he could finish.

"I don't care," she said, glaring at him with a sideways glance. "But, since it seems I'm going to be stuck with you, Brent, I want you to know something. I will help you, but that doesn't mean I like you." She had said his name with such bitterness, it was like the very word was poison to her. And, it was also the tone of voice that told him there was no chance they would be friends.

Well, for having a new place to start fresh, you're making such a great impression already, he thought to himself, shaking his head and turning his attention back to the teacher.

Hello Everyone!

Just dropping by to say hi! I'm new here, and hoping I will have a better welcoming here than the other forum I just left due to no one talking to me and taking interest in role playing with me. Anyways! Hoping to have some fun here ^.^