𝐃𝐮𝐧𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐒𝐭𝐞𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐭
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This was exactly what Duncan had wanted to avoid. The reason he'd left well before anyone else awoke, why he'd dedicated himself to digging deeper and deeper with no regard for depth reached or time spent. Why, when he'd heard someone's footsteps come close enough to his grave-digging site to hear him were he to speak, he'd kept going and pretended he wasn't aware of their presence instead.
He'd wanted to avoid feeling... this.
Duncan's fist was clenched so tightly the dirt within threatened to turn to dust. He was shaking, tall form resembling a tree being whipped about by a storm. Ironic, because there really was a storm, only it raged inside him. Anger, sadness, fear, memories of Yuki, of his mother, of life and death and how there really was such a fucking thin line separating the two. He wanted to punch something - someone, his father, a monster, a wall, himself, Yuki for fucking dying on him, but he knew he could do none of that. Knew that even punching a wall meant shattering the shelter the others had painstakingly scraped together. He was envious of Daisuke for that; for getting to punch something and being able to feel himself bleed.
Daisuke was here now, and Duncan couldn't bear to look at him, much less at Maki or god forbid, Haruko — if she realized he was about to cry, it'd destroy her. She was too kind for her own good like that.
It was okay, though, because he wouldn't cry. He wasn't a goddamn kid.
Throughout the ceremony Duncan hadn't really known what to do, where to look, what to say, where to keep his hands. It wasn't the kind of funeral he was used to, and not just because they were - or, well, had been - in Japan. He doubted funerals were quite like this there, either. But by the end, once the chanting had ended and the last fingers of smoke started to fade, he finally knew what he was supposed to be doing. It was up to him to seal the ceremony off. To seal Yuki underground, forever.
All he had to do was shovel dirt and not cry. That was it. How simple was that?
Duncan took a step closer, feeling rows upon rows of eyes on his back. He might've imagined them; he doubted anyone was paying attention to him when their dead classmate was right there. Maybe Hiroshi would, it felt like he was always watching, but that fucking creep wasn't here. Man... why couldn't it be him in the hole?
If they didn't get back home, wouldn't they all eventually end up—
Duncan threw the fistful of dirt onto Yuki as gracefully as he could muster, which wasn't very. Then, before he could think too much, he dug his hands into the pile of dirt next to the grave and threw in two fistfuls more. Then another two, and another. The others would join him soon, probably, but if they didn't, that was fine too. He'd fill the grave with the same vigor he'd dug it, and leave no room for any other thought.