Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by ShadowD
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Xavier nodded, he was getting more comfortable now "Sorry Vee, that....really sucks." He leaned forward and looked over to the newest member of the group...

"Speak for yourself." He mutters angrily, he wasn't exactly on good terms with addicts, and dealers, and "King Nicki" certainly sounded like the name a dealer would give himself. He sighed and smiled at Vee "I don't know if this is too forward but we seem like two of the older ones here, would you like to grab a coffee or something later, I know it's out of the blue but I'd rather talk someplace..." He looks around "More private... or at least where people aren't listening to everything we say."

As he was leaning already he massaged his knee, it was acting up a little, the metal chairs weren't exactly comfortable for someone with his physical problems. he looked over to Travis

"Some people don't like to be hit on right off the bat by someone they don't know, getting to know someone is kind of key when trying for any woman who's remotely close to being anything special. And I doubt anyone here would like to be another notch on your bedpost sport." he says smiling at Travis, making it sound like he was joking with another jock. Hopefully the kid would be less in your face than the stoned out pothead.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by DragonBeastMode
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Nicki

Nicki got up and walked over to his bag and took out his Arizona bottle. It wasn't juice in the bottle, but no one needed to know that. He heard the older guy mutter something, but he shrug it off. Nicki tends to be judged right off the bat, he was use to it so he didn't really care. "Hey Trevor! Don't listen to him girls like it when you sweet talk them, you don't want to sound like an old creep coming on to young girls." Nicki started to mock the guy, "I don't know if this is two forward blah blah blah go some were more private bleh bleh bleh." Nicki start to laugh again. "Now where is this so called counselor I got people to see, and things to do later."
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Kitalia
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Vee smiled at X, but it disappeared when Nicki decided to chime in. Looking over at him with a raised brow she sneered, "People like you make me sick, acting like they run world." She said before starting to crack her knuckles. Something else she often did aside from the biting. Taking in a deep breath she closed her eyes and tried to focus. She could feel the effects of the medicine starting to wear off.
Clearing her throat she smiled at X and nodded. "Well you are correct on one point. I just turned 21 last year, and I think coffee would be fun." She added crossing her legs, keeping one foot firmly planted on her board. The other started to bounce and shake as she felt herself start to slip again. Closing her eyes the world around her started warp and twist. And then came the voice at the back of her head. You're really going to go have coffee with a random stranger? "Shut up." Vee said outloud. "I'm not listening to you this time." She said again before pressing her hands to her ears.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by ShadowD
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Xavier turned to Nicki "You know it's little shits like you that fuck..." He turned back to Vee giving her a worried look. As a sideways to the dealer

"You people fuck up lives and make the world shit." He puts his hand out gently towards Vee gently touching her shoulder, giving her a small reassuring smile. "Sorry but I can take care of this, his kind are a dime a dozen, especially when you've dealt with them." He was feeling less and less comfortable now and was getting pissed himself while he tried calming Vee down.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by DragonBeastMode
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Nicki

Nicki didn't like this guy, he thought he was some kind of hot shit. Nicki could see that this guy was no joke, but he didn't back down to anyone. Then he saw the girl who insulted him go crazy. "What the fuck is wrong with that girl?!" Nicki knew he wasn't tripping because he was sober, so it had to be something with the girl. He wasn't making friends fast in this place, which at first wasn't a good thing. Nicki started to be ok with being the asshole of the group, that meant he could see how other people acted and Nicki could feel out who would be the best candidate for a drug connect. The crazy girl, the bitch, the old no it all, the rude but sexy ebony goddess, the quiet Asian kid, or the preppy jock dude. He forgot about the girl with the tube and the other boy too.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Pathfinder
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Shit, shit, shit! Colin was so damn late. During a particularly bad episode last night he went strait for the liquor, he knew it wasn't the best of ideas but he didn't know what else to do. The aftereffects of his decision were in full swing, the sun was too bright, the car too loud, and the vomit threatening to spew fourth becoming a very real possibility. After a particularly nasty patch of potholes Colin had to slow the car and put his head on the wheel. It was becoming an easier decision to just turn around and go home.

However if he did his parents would be so disappointed and that would be worse than any hangover. Pulling himself together, Colin pushed through the last half mile and made it to the facility. The place was a dump to put it lightly...well he had woken up in worse places. Composing himself Colin walked up the stairs and entered the shit storm that had seemed to already be in place. Two men seemed to be having a stand off and a girl holding her head in her hands. Looking at the two men Colin said "If you two are going to have a fight than could you take it outside? I've got a bigger hangover than I have patience for either of your macho bullshit or whatevers going on." and with that Colin moved to an empty chair and sat down, trying to force the vomit down his throat and doing his darnedest to block out any stimulus.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by JustAnna
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Ryland wheeled her trolley across the polished tile floor of the hallway, her face burning under the gaze of her 'stalker' beside her. He ran ahead of her and opened another door, and she rolled her eyes.

"I don't need a babysitter, you know…", she snapped as she entered the expansive room. She was surprised to see that they had been beaten there by several others, and she stopped walking at the door, her right hand coming across to grip her left arm nervously. Adam didn't say a word to her snark, only stepped up beside her and placed his hands on his hips.

"Well…at least it's not couple's therapy…that would have been awkward."

"In your dreams, asshole…", Ryland snapped once more before more footsteps were heard behind them.

"Let's calm the language…It could be a major trigger for some of the youngsters here.", a man, not much older than all the others murmured to them, his eyes narrowed in a small smile, "I'm Andrew…"

"Well it's nice to meet you Andrew. I'm Adam…", Adam scooted from behind Ryland, extending a hand. Andrew's eyes widened just a bit, and he took a step back, nodding politely at the extended hand. Adam dropped it, his face reading of his stupidity, as Ryland giggled softly.

"Nice to meet you both…", Andrew whispered, clearing his throat. He pasted on a smile once more, and took off across the room, "So glad to see the huge turn out today! I'm Andrew…I'll be mentoring you, for now. Why don't we start by taking a seat…"

He made a gesture toward the chairs, for those who weren't seated, and then smiled, "And can I ask for a volunteer to get us started? Give us your name, how old you are, and why you feel you are here…", he continued, gazing around at everyone.

Ryland and Adam took their seats toward the middle of the half circle, and Ryland placed her hands under her, obviously not volunteering. Adam, however, stood straight back up.

"My name is Adam Baker…I'm um…some of you know me…from school and stuff…", he paused, suddenly nervous, under the eyes of semi familiar faces, "I'm here because my parents have decided that making my own choices has lead to me becoming clinically depressed, and that I'm throwing away my life. She apparently hopes that you…or you guys can convince me that I'm a douchebag jock who needs the money, but deserves to be alone…"

His honesty caused Ryland to raise her eyebrows, slightly impressed as she glanced around, and finally met Andrew's surprised eyes.

"Well…we're happy you're here Adam, for your support and everyone else's…Right guys?"
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Mistress Dizzy
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Jin was very glad the overdressed thug's attention had been diverted to someone else. She didn't want to get thrown out of here before things even started. She collected her cards and stuffed them away, sitting silently until the 'counselor' walked in. Thank goodness someone volunteered to speak- and she was surprised by what he said. Adam... apparently she wasn't the only one who'd been forced to show up here. She did wonder why he felt the need to stand, though. She said nothing as Andrew said some lousy platitude. Of course she wasn't glad he was here! That meant he was messed up. Who would want someone to be messed up?

Once Adam finished, she flipped back her hood and addressed the room from her chair. "I'm Jin. I'm 17. I'm here because my brother's afraid I'll go to jail for breaking the law. Which is stupid, because I'd only go to jail if I got caught, and that ain't happened so far." She folded her arms across her slim chest. "And I may have some sort of insomnia thing going on..." That last sentence was mumbled, but then her dark eyes shot up and gazed right at Andrew. "And if you say 'you're happy I'm here' I'm gonna call bullshit on you. Unless they're paying you good, which is unlikely, you couldn't wish for any of us to be in the situation that put us in this freaking room." God, she hated it when people said things that sounded pretty on the surface but were bullshit underneath. Adults were like that.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by ShadowD
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Xavier sat there listening to Adam who seemed like the stereotypical prep until he opened his mouth...well less stereotypical anyway, mom and dad always wanted their kids to be like them in most ways. Hence why his own father had pushed him so hard, and led to the injury and to his scars. He instinctively touched both of the worse ones, one on his chest and the one on his arm. The other two were older than the boy, well the girl with the tank seemed older but looked young, and their counselor, he said probably the worst thing to say to a bunch of crazy and delinquent people.

Xavier shook his head, wow he wanted to laugh, or at least chuckle as it was a little funny. But he knew the one girl was volatile, Jin she said her name was as she talked about her problems, the redhead came back in, and the kid close by told them he was gay and that his parents wanted to "fix" him. He shook his head, staying in his seat, he looks at the others

"I'm Xavier, I'm 23 and I've been..." he takes a deep breath and starts again "I've been abusing narcotics...perks to be more specific, for about eight years now, and I've been clean for just about four days now." He says leaning forward, his one hand going from his chest to his knee as he rubs it. It wasn't feeling all that great.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Rarity
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Listening to the others as they gave their reasons for being there, he could not help but agree with Jin. Why would anyone be "happy" they were there? That did not really make sense. But he supposed it was a good thing to try and get help if one really needed help.

Jase ignored the druggie. He was used to ignoring most people so it was not hard to ignore someone as annoying as this King wannabe. He looked around the room as more people came into the room and saw that the support group was finally starting. He swallowed nervously, hating his parents even more for sending him here, but more for the reason why they sent him here. Just as he was about to bite the bullet and get his part out of the way, the redhead from before came running back into the room. Her face turned the same color of her hair. The half Japanese boy couldn't help feeling sorry for her.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled, going back to her seat, sending Jase a fleeting smile when she saw that he had saved her chair for her. She set down and started to cross her ankles, putting one on top of the other, and then changing her position, putting the other one on top. She continued to do this and it was so obvious she was beyond nervous.

Clearing his throat, Jase looked at their mentor and opened his mouth, embarrassed by how small his voice sounded. "I'm Jase. I'm 17. Um, I'm gay," he mumbled the word "gay" his face burning. "My parents hoped you'll could "fix" me. That's all." He crossed his arms. "... Well, uh, and I guess I'm also on a lot of depression medication." He subconsciously touched his cheek where he had a fresh purple and blue bruise, but did not mention the abuse he got from his father.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by DragonBeastMode
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Nicki

Nicki didn't want to do this so called introduction exercise but, maybe it would be a good thing. Nicki turned his music off, and he sat his beats headphones down on his chair. Nicki stood up and started to talk. "Well what can I say... I'm here because my mother thinks that if I keep selling drugs, I'll end up in jail. Nicki started to laugh. "Just like beautiful said over there, you have to get caught to go to jail." Before Nicki was going to sit down he had some other things to say. "Before anyone here judges me as a lowlife drug dealing thug, how about you look at yourselves first, no one here is perfect, I just happen to embrace my flaws unlike some of you." Nicki sat back down and put his music back on, the song "Senile" from Young Money was playing.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by JustAnna
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Andrew narrowed his eyes and stitched his eyebrows together, as his gaze shifted from Adam to the volatile Jin. He listened to her spill, and almost smirked at how little she understood about the life she was leading, and the road she was headed down. Instead of showing emotion on his face, he narrowed his eyes once more, and tugged at his shirt after she exploded on him about his statement.

"I'm not glad you're here. I'm not glad any of you are here. I would rather you be in some cookie cutter life, with some perfect parents and a perfect outlook on things, but you're not. For whatever reasons, you've come here for help. I am glad you're HERE…and not out there…or in a casket…", he explained, his tone almost fatherly as his blue eyes widened in defense, "They don't pay me…at all…I'm here for the same reasons you guys are. I have shit locked in here, too…"

He tapped at his temple, and took a deep breath. His eyes stayed on hers for a second longer, "Thank you, Jin…", he murmured, before glancing to the boy that began speaking.

Ryland watched Andrew's face with her own blazing eyes, watching the way his chin and jaw moved when he spoke, as if he was burning to explode into a million pieces. He was hurt and troubled. He was just as broken, if not more broken than all of them. She shifted in her seat a bit, and Adam's eyes brushed across from Andrew, to her face, and he frowned.

"He's like…what…thirty?", he muttered to her quietly. She gave him a death glare, her green eyes threatening a storm if he didn't leave her alone. So, he did, but not without a last bit of an opinion, "And I'm pretty sure it's against the rules…"

"Shut up…good lord, do you ever shut up?", she hissed at him, as Andrew's eyes fell upon her briefly, after he gave a small speech to Jase.

"You don't have to be nervous here, Jase…", Andrew said softly, his eyes softening, "No one wants to 'fix you', here. And I expect you'll open up even more after a bit of conversation. We all will."

His warm smile extended as he raised his hand toward Ryland. She took an annoyed and shaky breath, but was quickly interrupted by Nicki standing up near her. She slumped and listened to him, and Andrew raised his eyebrows at how hostile a few of the members were today. He frowned, and sat up a bit straighter, "I don't think any of them will judge you, unless you're naming specifics, which we can do after the session…you know…to minimize the drama between us all. It can be stressful…", he cut himself off as the boy turned his music back on. Already a bit exhausted, Andrew pointed to Ryland again.

"I'm Ryland…Um…", she broke off, biting her lip and glancing down at her shoes, "I'm not on drugs or anything. I'm just alone. My doctor asked me to come here, because most of my time has been spent at home with my mom…", she explained, feeling stupid.

"Well…I don't see a reason why you shouldn't have come to us for help…", Andrew broke in.

"I don't need help. My doctor says I just need to see others struggling to learn that I'm alive, and for the most part healthy, and that it could be so much worse…", she explained nervously, before sitting down in her chair, not meeting Andrew's eyes, although his stayed on her face, blinking. He sighed.

"I'm a bit lost for words, there…", he whispered, "I hope that we can provide whatever you need, Ryland…"
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Kitalia
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Vee uncovered her ears when Andrew walked into the room and seemed to calm down a little bit. Biting on her lip nervously she listened as everyone shared why they were here. Bringing her closed fist back up to her lips she started to chew on her knuckles again. Causing one bruise to grow larger.

When the Ryland girl had finished speaking Vee took a deep breath and cleared her throat. "Umm.." putting her hands in her lap she continued. "I'm Victoria, I'm 21 years old. I umm, well I'm here because I am a paranoid schizophrenic. Basically, if I don't take my meds, I can't tell what's real or not. And I have voices in my head that tell me crazy shit." She said tapping on her head for second before continuing.

"I have been for awhile, been crazy as my brother likes to put it. Moved up here from the South, my family and the doctors think that, along with medication, this group can help me in some way." She finished bringing a finger up to her lips, biting the knuckle gently.
"I do have a habit of talking to myself, or you know the voices. But, if I stay medicated I guess I'm what you consider normal. But, thinking about it there is no such thing as normal. Everyone has their own standards as to what really is normal, and what is weird. So, yea..I guess that's it." She said before crossing a leg over the other and shutting her mouth and looking down at her hands.
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Alice glanced up; was it really her turn already? She had been off in her own world, trying not to think about having to tell a bunch of strangers why she was in the support group. Nobody here would understand her situation, at least she assumed. She uncrossed her legs and leaned up in her chair. The redhead wished she at least had one supporter here, one friend, someone who would put a comforting hand on her shoulder and say "it's okay" though she preferred if none of the guys touched her. It made her shudder to think about.

It felt like everyone was looking at her, but she was being paranoid. Swallowing a nervous lump in her throat, she raised her hand like she was in school. "I suppose I'll go next." What choice did she have? It was better to get it over with anyway.

"My name is Alice. A few months before my 15th birthday..." The color of shame overtook her features. A tear trickled down her cheek. "M-my friend begged me to..." She put her face in her hands, her long red hair hanging around her. She tensed up when she felt the Japanese boy next to her touch her knee.

"Take your time. Deep breath."

Alice looked up and glanced at Jase. She nodded, pulling her knee away from his hand. Even though he was gay, she still felt uncomfortable when he touched her, as if he meant to harm her in a more intimate way. Like before.

"She got me to go to a party, but it was all college kids and a few high school girls." This story was taking forever because she was terrified to get to the point. She gritted her teeth and squeezed her fists together. "She left me alone ... and they, some guys, put something in my drink.... I woke up naked the next day."

Not wanting to meet anybodies eyes, she looked back down. "I was raped and I don't even know if it was one guy or more. I'm pregnant."

Finally, she found some courage because she had became angry at the memory. She looked up, tears and a burning fire in her eyes.

"I'm 15 and I'm pregnant."
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Clove
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Her eyes narrowed at Travis's comment, and she leaned toward him as the counselor walked in while lowering her voice. "If I'm the weird one, then what the hell are you doing here, covered in bruises?" Hjordis leaned back into her chair. The boy, Travis, was covered in them - many faded, but a few fresh. He didn't appear the type to get into fights, but no one seemed to be what they appeared to be. She had been, for the most part, ignoring the rest of the group until introductions and instead been playing with her hair or pretending that she had anyone to actually text. This group was certainly varied. The spread of problems was rather predictable, though. There was the narcotics addict, a schizophrenic girl, the pregnant teenager, insomniac delinquent, ex-cancer patient, the boy whose family decided that gay was a problem, and the clinically depressed rich boy, and they hadn't even gone through everyone yet. She could practically see the bullshit pouring out of the counselor's mouth. Hjordis sat up, deciding it was her turn to share in this circus.

"I'm Hjordis, I'm bipolar, and I have to prove that I can function in a mildly social environment before I'm allowed back into the high school." She eventually took a good look around her, glancing at the vaguely familiar faces and matching them to vaguely familiar names. She knew who Adam Baker was, and she barely recognized Travis from the before times when she wasn't home schooled. Not that it mattered, anyways, because no one appeared to recognize her - which was, incidentally, for the better.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Pathfinder
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Well this was a varied lot. Teen pregnancies, bipolar, anti gay parents, drug dealers, and the such. What a crowed. Quite frankly Colin couldn't give a rats ass about these people, the only reason he was here was because his parents were worried about him and a little part of him buried away deep was worried too. Ok maybe that was a little harsh, these people probably had as valid a reason as he did for being here.

With his headache fading, Colin decided it was his turn to stand up. As he did so he wobbled a little bit, his jelly legs finally leaving him. Running his hands through his hair and taking a deep breath, Colin said "Hey I'm Colin and I have post traumatic stress disorder, also I drink a lot." With nothing else to say Colin sat back down and folded his arms across his chest.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Mistress Dizzy
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Jin had stayed very quiet through the introductions of the others, her hood pulled back over her head. She was listening hard, with her fingers moving in seemingly idle motions across her lap. Some of the others were strange. She was pissed at Jase's parents, first off. There was nothing wrong with gay, it wasn't some virus that was to be eridicated. If anything needed fixing, it was the attitude of his parents.

Then there was the moron druggie in the retarded clothes. She hated that he'd had the gall to compare himself to her, as if they were somehow on the same level. It made her want to kick his chest in even more. All she hoped was that he didn't try to catch her alone outside- he was obviously too stupid to take no for an answer. Her only reason for not actively planning to teach him a very painful lesson was that she did not want to disappoint Chance again.

And then there was Alice. She was the only one who caused Jin's head to lower, so no one could see her face. She had met girls on the street, with stories similar. Kids, having kids, many times through no wish of their own. Their parents tossed them out in the cold like used trash- or they ran from the person who had put the baby in them to begin with. Those stories usually didn't end well for either mother or child. A girl that small couldn't carry a kid without help, and there was no help for the homeless. She'd seen a lot of girls miscarry or die, sometimes both. Alice's story caused a wave of nausea to roll through her stomach. It was just... wrong. No one should have to be damaged like that. At least she had parents.

She checked out for a while, her ears ringing as her mind was lost to memories of snow and blood, and she came back to the room long enough to hear Colin's brief explanation. She hugged herself, her body ice-cold despite her jeans and a thick hoodie. "They saddled me with that post-tramuatic shit too." She muttered, just loud enough to hear through her chattering teeth. "Anyone wanna put the air to a degree that won't give me goddamn frostbite? Christ."
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by JustAnna
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Andrew cleared his throat, pulled at his collar a bit, and narrowed his eyes to listen to Victoria's explanation of her problems. He knew what she was going through, due to members of his own family dealing with what the doctors considered "conditional schizophrenia" due to the multiple members of his older generation's reliance to drugs and alcohol, and lack of parental care, resulting in multiple children developing strong mental issues later on.

Sighing, he tried to catch her eyes, "I don't have an office or anything, but I'm here for you, in any way I can be. When we're finished tonight, I'm giving you each a card, with my cell number on it. If you need anything…at all, you call me. If it's three in the morning and you just need someone to talk to, while you're having a moment, and you can't get the voices to shut up, call me…and I'll do my best to talk you through it, alright?"

He sighed once more, "I know it's tough, and I know none of you trust me, but I was right there where you all sat, less than a year ago. But this isn't about me. This is about you, and the fact that you're all here for a reason, and all those reasons are valid…"

He finished, and gave a polite smile, before staring at Alice as she raised her hand, "Go ahead…"

He had a feeling he knew where the story was going, but inside, he silently hoped he was wrong. His jaw clenched as she drew closer, and admitted to being raped, and then said the words. He closed his eyes and let a halfway angry sigh leave his nose, his teeth clenched together. He stayed silent for a long few seconds, and then opened his eyes.

"Can I be honest with you Alice? I'm lost for words. I don't want to tell you it's okay, and that you're going to be fine, because either you've heard it all before, or you wouldn't believe me if I tried…but…I'll say that you've come to the right place. Push aside the negative ones…", he spoke articulately, "…until they realize no one is here to hurt them, either. Stay close to the ones who have open arms, and we'll get through this together. Do you have anyone to go to the doctor with you?"

He asked her the question, as politely as he could, and shuddered, before the rest continued. He was zoned out at this point, his brain playing weird tricks on his ability to focus in on one thing. He instead nodded blankly at the others, not even realizing they had finished until Jin spoke up, and shook him from his thoughts.

"Um…yeah. It's a bit chilly in here, i suppose…", he muttered blankly, standing up and disappearing around the corner to turn the air down.

"…Wow…One session and he's already a mess…", Ryland spoke up, her voice a bit raspy.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Kitalia
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Victoria caught what Ryland had said and couldn't help but chuckle. "He's sitting in a room with a bunch of people who have more issues then he can count on his hand. Of course he's going to be messed up at least a little." She said while picking at her nails.
But was this guy serious, if she had an episode at 3 in the morning, which she often did, that he would be just a phone call away. Even her parents weren't that reliant. "We've obviously all got issues, can this guy really handle like 4 of us calling him at 3 in the morning for help? My own parents don't even help me when I have episodes anymore." Victoria added before biting on her knuckles again. This place to her at this point was just a waist of time.
The girl simply shook her head before placing it between her knees taking in a deep breath. "And the pills have worn off." Vee said quietly to herself. Biting on her lip she stared at the deck of her board watching as she moved it ever so slightly on the floor.

It's all downhill from here Vee shook her head and groaned.
"Stop it!" She said before moving to reach into her bag.
Me stop? Why don't you stop. You're perfectly fine, you don't need to be here The voices grew louder.
Growling Vee manged to grab the pill bottle from the front pocket and sat up straight before dry swallowing two pills.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by ShadowD
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Xavier listened to Ryland and Vee talk about Andrew, he shook his head

"I think we can agree that this isn't going to be the most pleasant of rides...but we still have to give him a chance, despite being a newby at the whole counseling thing. He did do a good job of restating that previous bungle, I dunno if I have faith in him yet...well I don't really have faith in anything right now...but this is the one chance I have before I just either take all my pills because life is shit, or I go to a rehab center and try my luck there. I was hoping that I could just use a support group to keep my mind from my addiction, and other issues, before going to a clinic...I don't mesh well with "places of healing" He says air quoting the last bit. He clutched his side and leaned back, he was feeling the cravings, and let out a little sigh, staring up at the ceiling

"This is the one chance for someone like me, I came to work high as a kite two weeks ago, I've been on leave without pay, this is what they wanted me to do...this was what I wanted to do but was too chicken shit to do without a proper reason." He clenches his teeth, he was letting it all out now it seemed so why stop tell em about what your dad did...He shook his head looking at the ceiling "I just can't lose my job." He mutters mostly to himself.
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