Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Elendra
Raw

Elendra

Member Seen 8 yrs ago

Azarthes said
You know what elendraYou are the best readerGold staar.


fuck yeah gold staar
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by pitwhousedtodopokemon
Raw
Avatar of pitwhousedtodopokemon

pitwhousedtodopokemon

Member Seen 7 yrs ago

OOOOOOO,new chapter.
Nice job squee!
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Lady Squee
Raw
OP
Avatar of Lady Squee

Lady Squee Loyal Lannister

Member Seen 6 yrs ago

Thank you.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Dervish
Raw
Avatar of Dervish

Dervish Let's get volatile

Member Seen 1 mo ago

Oh man! Just as it was picking up the chapter ended! :(

So far, I really like how you write and that opening scene was genuinely touching! I think a bit more fleshing out of the world and what exactly the team is about will come, but I felt like I could have used more of an idea of what the world's like and what everyone has in common, perhaps a bit of insight about each character from the protag's POV. It also kind of felt like the chapter cut off at a really odd point, as it went from preparation to the first minutes of deployment and then ended. I think it wouldn't be as jarring if you either wrote to a bit of a cliff hanger or stopped just before they deployed. Overall, really fun so far and I am a fan of this digestable format! I really wantto see where this goes. :)
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Lady Squee
Raw
OP
Avatar of Lady Squee

Lady Squee Loyal Lannister

Member Seen 6 yrs ago

I was not feeling very well yesterday, so I cut the story off when I got to that point.

As for the rest, noted. I left it open-ended on purpose and also left out some character/world descriptions because I'm saving that stuff. There are a lot of things I want to explain later on, some of those you can probably figure out. :3
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Jorick
Raw
Avatar of Jorick

Jorick Magnificent Bastard

Member Seen 5 yrs ago

Good stuff so far. Shame about it being so short and getting cut off there, but it's bearable.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Seba
Raw

Seba

Member Offline since relaunch

Absolutely intriguing so far. Moar plz.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by TheMusketMan
Raw
Avatar of TheMusketMan

TheMusketMan The Trooper

Member Seen 7 yrs ago

I like it.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by idlehands
Raw
Avatar of idlehands

idlehands heartless

Member Seen 1 yr ago

Damn that slap!

Good stuff, Squee, hope you feel better so you can write more...and for your sake of course.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Lady Squee
Raw
OP
Avatar of Lady Squee

Lady Squee Loyal Lannister

Member Seen 6 yrs ago

Haha, thank you, Idle. I'll try. xD
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Cpt Toellner
Raw
Avatar of Cpt Toellner

Cpt Toellner The Hero We Deserve

Member Seen 2 yrs ago

Awww yeah, I'm the wild-card.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Lady Squee
Raw
OP
Avatar of Lady Squee

Lady Squee Loyal Lannister

Member Seen 6 yrs ago

Cpt Toellner said
Awww yeah, I'm the wild-card.


:)
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Svenn
Raw

Svenn

Member Seen 3 yrs ago

SQUEE NO. How could you man? HOW COULD YOU?

but other than that business (Which is not settled), It was very easy to read and imagine. The only problem that I have is that I've no idea what this story is about which will make it even more interesting to read.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Awson
Raw
Avatar of Awson

Awson Waiting & Waiting

Member Seen 4 yrs ago

http://vocaroo.com/i/s1l8TSIPQ0gA
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Lady Squee
Raw
OP
Avatar of Lady Squee

Lady Squee Loyal Lannister

Member Seen 6 yrs ago

You're hired.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Cpt Toellner
Raw
Avatar of Cpt Toellner

Cpt Toellner The Hero We Deserve

Member Seen 2 yrs ago

Awson said



That was actually pretty legit.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Awson
Raw
Avatar of Awson

Awson Waiting & Waiting

Member Seen 4 yrs ago

Thanks.

I just wanted to narrate my own little babby voice and call him gay. It's not perfect because it had to be one giant take, but yeah it's not bad, huh? :D
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Lady Squee
Raw
OP
Avatar of Lady Squee

Lady Squee Loyal Lannister

Member Seen 6 yrs ago

Awson said
Thanks.I just wanted to narrate my own little babby voice and call him gay. It's not perfect because it had to be one giant take, but yeah it's not bad, huh? :D


'In his small, gay voice" made me LOL.
↑ Top
© 2007-2024
BBCode Cheatsheet