Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Elendra
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Elendra

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Azarthes said
You know what elendraYou are the best readerGold staar.


fuck yeah gold staar
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by pitwhousedtodopokemon
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pitwhousedtodopokemon

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OOOOOOO,new chapter.
Nice job squee!
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Lady Squee
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Lady Squee Loyal Lannister

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Thank you.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Dervish
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Dervish Let's get volatile

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Oh man! Just as it was picking up the chapter ended! :(

So far, I really like how you write and that opening scene was genuinely touching! I think a bit more fleshing out of the world and what exactly the team is about will come, but I felt like I could have used more of an idea of what the world's like and what everyone has in common, perhaps a bit of insight about each character from the protag's POV. It also kind of felt like the chapter cut off at a really odd point, as it went from preparation to the first minutes of deployment and then ended. I think it wouldn't be as jarring if you either wrote to a bit of a cliff hanger or stopped just before they deployed. Overall, really fun so far and I am a fan of this digestable format! I really wantto see where this goes. :)
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Lady Squee
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I was not feeling very well yesterday, so I cut the story off when I got to that point.

As for the rest, noted. I left it open-ended on purpose and also left out some character/world descriptions because I'm saving that stuff. There are a lot of things I want to explain later on, some of those you can probably figure out. :3
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Jorick
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Jorick Magnificent Bastard

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Good stuff so far. Shame about it being so short and getting cut off there, but it's bearable.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Seba
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Absolutely intriguing so far. Moar plz.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by TheMusketMan
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TheMusketMan The Trooper

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I like it.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by idlehands
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Damn that slap!

Good stuff, Squee, hope you feel better so you can write more...and for your sake of course.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Lady Squee
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Haha, thank you, Idle. I'll try. xD
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Cpt Toellner
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Cpt Toellner The Hero We Deserve

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Awww yeah, I'm the wild-card.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Lady Squee
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Cpt Toellner said
Awww yeah, I'm the wild-card.


:)
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Svenn
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SQUEE NO. How could you man? HOW COULD YOU?

but other than that business (Which is not settled), It was very easy to read and imagine. The only problem that I have is that I've no idea what this story is about which will make it even more interesting to read.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Awson
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Awson Waiting & Waiting

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http://vocaroo.com/i/s1l8TSIPQ0gA
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Lady Squee
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You're hired.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Cpt Toellner
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Cpt Toellner The Hero We Deserve

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Awson said



That was actually pretty legit.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Awson
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Awson Waiting & Waiting

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Thanks.

I just wanted to narrate my own little babby voice and call him gay. It's not perfect because it had to be one giant take, but yeah it's not bad, huh? :D
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Lady Squee
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Awson said
Thanks.I just wanted to narrate my own little babby voice and call him gay. It's not perfect because it had to be one giant take, but yeah it's not bad, huh? :D


'In his small, gay voice" made me LOL.
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