Dear Mama Griever,

My lover is planning to get me a gaming system instead of flowers and chocolate, because flowers die and chocolate will make me fat. What is the appropriate gift to give to him? (Preferably under $300. On a budget and all)

Esper said
Dear Mama Griever,My lover is planning to get me a gaming system instead of flowers and chocolate, because flowers die and chocolate will make me fat. What is the appropriate gift to give to him? (Preferably under $300. On a budget and all)

I assume your lover has always been a male, right? At no point did he receive a sex change to become a male, yes?

If so, you may want to get him an electric razor, there are many that are good not only for trimming/shaping facial hair, but also can work on the head and on the groin area (if you prefer the smoother look.) If you guys are over 21 year olds, a grooming kit is another, highly-mature alternative for couples.


Video games are always welcome, and Dark Souls 2 is coming out in March, so if he's the patient type, a preorder for Dark Souls 2 would probably be appreciated. But not many people are patient, I realize. Men look good in bathrobes and they're nice to lounge around in.


If you two are sexually active, there are fun "novelty" gifts like edible lingerie.

If you're the DIY type, you can make your own pair:


Another bacon-related product is an As-Seen-On-TV product called Bacon Bowl that makes, you guessed it, bowls out of bacon.


Does he drink? If so, get him a beer holster, men can be lazy and holding a beer is sometimes a lot of effort. Particularly if you've already had a few beers already. Or if you have a tendency to lose shit.

Bacon lingerie is pretty much the pinnacle of sex-gifts, so beware that you'll have high expectations to meet next year.

mbl said
Alternatively you can just come prepared with roofies, lube, and duct tape. That's how I'll be celebrating Valentines Day.

A little far, bud.

Nargle said A little far, bud.

The twist is that those are to be used on him.

ImANargleHunter said
A little far, bud.

Prudes

idlehands said
The twist is that those are to be used on him.

Would it be appropriate to buy see through outfits for myself as a gift for him?

And the beer holster. Definitely that.

Of course.

I have to admit, I'm excited to see what my husband will do. I tell him we don't need to celebrate the holiday because his mother had a heartattack on Valentine's Day two years ago which lead to her death. He insists on saving the evening for us and hinted he was writing something for me.

I feel terribly unromantic because all he wants is a set of new tires for the car. I've agreed to buy them but he won't take anything else.

idlehands said
I have to admit, I'm excited to see what my husband will do. I tell him we don't need to celebrate the holiday because his mother had a heartattack on Valentine's Day two years ago which lead to her death. He insists on saving the evening for us and hinted he was writing something for me. I feel terribly unromantic because all he wants is a set of new tires for the car. I've agreed to buy them but he won't take anything else.

Buy a mechanic's jumpsuit and wear it into the bedroom after changing the tires yourself.

"I think someone else needs a little tune up."

Esper said Buy a mechanic's jumpsuit and wear it into the bedroom after changing the tires yourself.

"I think someone else needs a little tune up."

I think he'd like it better if I lubed up my muffler.

idlehands said
I think he'd like it better if I lubed up my muffler.

Car innuendos: The fun never ends.

It's especially fun since he's a mechanic.

lolvalentine'sday

Sherlock Holmes said
lolvalentine'sday

Goddammit.

I was just about to post that.

Card said
Goddammit. I was just about to post that.

We can share the lulz together, Card. It'll almost be romantic, but then it won't be at all because lol.

idlehands said
I think he'd like it better if I lubed up my muffler.

Idle is an Autobot.

Sherlock Holmes said
We can share the lulz together, Card. It'll almost be romantic, but then it won't be at all because lol.

It won't be because Valentine's isn't a real holiday.

get it i'm so original i hate valentine's day because i don't need anybody at all anywhere nope i'm not lonely i feel fine believe me i don't have to be single right now i could get anyone i want without throwing up while talking to them i'm the best

valentine's sucks

Card said
It won't be because Valentine's isn't a real holiday. get it i'm so original i hate valentine's day because i don't need anybody at all anywhere nope i'm not lonely i feel fine believe me i don't have to be single right now i could get anyone i want without throwing up while talking to them i'm the bestvalentine's sucks

I take the day more as an insult to romance. It's not romantic when you have a day that everyone is told they have to be romantic. Romance should be spontaneous and unprompted -- that's when it's the most genuine. A day of forced present buying and 'special' dinners isn't special when everyone feels like they have to acknowledge it just because they're in a relationship. So, that all said, we don't celebrate Valentine's Day here. (Every other day of the year, however, the game is on. )

Card said
It won't be because Valentine's isn't a real holiday. get it i'm so original i hate valentine's day because i don't need anybody at all anywhere nope i'm not lonely i feel fine believe me i don't have to be single right now i could get anyone i want without throwing up while talking to them i'm the bestvalentine's sucks

Card it's okay bby you can stop crying I'm here.