And I'm low on Preparation H & ginger root.
VD is not something you can get rid of easily (trust me, I know) so we just have to deal with it. But fret not ye forevirgins, Mama Griever will get you through this overly commercialized holiday. And if you follow my advice, you might not even spend Valentine's Day alone this year.
1.) Smoke cigarettes, you'll be skinnier for whoever is going to be carving your name into their wrists.
2.) *TWIRL* but try not to make a mess. If you're adopted or Hispanic, this isn't recommended.
3.) Be a standoffish little coquette if you're a girl. Guys love a good, mean-spirited, bitch who looks like she enjoys getting her hair pulled.
3.5) Grovel lots if you're a guy, women want a man who isn't submissive to anyone except them. Also roses are for creepy Italian men, get her a cactus instead to represent your thorniness for her/him and the thorny nature of love. (Hopefully they will get the message and this will inspire them to shave, so you won't feel like you're humping a cactus.)
4.) Adult Circumcision is usually covered by insurance. It's never too late to throw a Bris!
5.) Don't bother buying chocolate for someone else, just wait until someone buys it for YOU. And besides, chocolate makes you fat, and nobody wants to date a fat person. Why would you make your spouse/partner/bf/gf fat? You wouldn't.
6.) Don't date underage people/minors. Just don't.
7.) Honesty is not the best policy in the real world. But it IS the best policy in relationships.
8.) Valentine's Day is still not over. Go pick up a hitchhiker or a hobo or bar wench if you must, just don't spend today alone! (or you failed)
9.) Have a Happy Valentine's Day and realize that it's an overly-commercialized holiday that, at the end of the day, is inconsequential. There's always next year.
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VD is not something you can get rid of easily (trust me, I know) so we just have to deal with it. But fret not ye forevirgins, Mama Griever will get you through this overly commercialized holiday. And if you follow my advice, you might not even spend Valentine's Day alone this year.
1.) Smoke cigarettes, you'll be skinnier for whoever is going to be carving your name into their wrists.
2.) *TWIRL* but try not to make a mess. If you're adopted or Hispanic, this isn't recommended.
3.) Be a standoffish little coquette if you're a girl. Guys love a good, mean-spirited, bitch who looks like she enjoys getting her hair pulled.
3.5) Grovel lots if you're a guy, women want a man who isn't submissive to anyone except them. Also roses are for creepy Italian men, get her a cactus instead to represent your thorniness for her/him and the thorny nature of love. (Hopefully they will get the message and this will inspire them to shave, so you won't feel like you're humping a cactus.)
4.) Adult Circumcision is usually covered by insurance. It's never too late to throw a Bris!
5.) Don't bother buying chocolate for someone else, just wait until someone buys it for YOU. And besides, chocolate makes you fat, and nobody wants to date a fat person. Why would you make your spouse/partner/bf/gf fat? You wouldn't.
6.) Don't date underage people/minors. Just don't.
7.) Honesty is not the best policy in the real world. But it IS the best policy in relationships.
8.) Valentine's Day is still not over. Go pick up a hitchhiker or a hobo or bar wench if you must, just don't spend today alone! (or you failed)
9.) Have a Happy Valentine's Day and realize that it's an overly-commercialized holiday that, at the end of the day, is inconsequential. There's always next year.
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